Delirious

The year ends tomorrow so this is the last blog of 2012, so lets keep it short and sweet, the last long weekend of the year, it's also the wife's birthday today (hippy bathday) so thankfully we are getting ready in a relaxed way to go and enjoy ourselves, shame the wife is driving, I'm sure I will have one or two for her, if truth be told she hasn't endured well the last couple of times, so maybe it's just as well she never seems to need a drink for her to enjoy herself, I suppose it's the thought she can't even if she wants to.

This year has dragged (a bit like some of my blogs this year) with less good bits scattered throughout the year a cunning plan is in the groove so hopefully we will enjoy a few more excursions here and there, last year we put all the eggs into one basket and I was so poorly (god punishing me) during the one big excursion but we prevailed, good company helped me endure and I still intend to repay the kindness (when I can think of a suitable way) my aching body continues in it's downward spiral but watch this space as  there will be more updates as I pull out all the stops to be a fit and healthy fifty year old in just over 23 months time, I know some of the long timers know that I have beating this particular drum for as along as I have blogged but the line in the sand is there and starts with the first day of the new year and of my new fitter life, small footsteps but the start of the climb is there.

Today as I have already said is an easy day after the blog I have dinner to sort a quick dip in the bath (I have long since given up hope of making myself pretty) and a slow drive to sunny South Shields to meet up with The Tee Hee Club for some fun and tribulations.  I must say many thanks to the many readers out there (and yes there are a few) not as many as the last blog page  but we are rising slowly but steadily, thanks for all the comments all the cheery little emails and the slanderous posts that I could never allow to be posted on the page (remember the R word) thanks for all of those who (cheat ) do the name game and Nils I don't believe you are that bad you just need to see your name up in lights.

The books will continue for a short while to come but as I have previously stated there is an endgame and hopefully that should be stuck to, as is the plan to blog no more than twice a week a game plan that should help me in my quest for a healthier life style and not to be glued to my lap top 365 days a year (hahahaha) we can but but try and with that I bid you all happy new year keep on spreading the disease lets see if we can get to triple digits in the new year so until then .........Toodles!

Toxic

Well it's nearly over for another year, we just have to negotiate with the terrorists today (eldest and Junior) if we can sail through those stormy waters we might just be able to say that we have had an enjoyable one.

Christmas eve was surprisingly quiet, even me being less Grinch like than normal, a bit of the old TV answering a few emails and then off to bed, I'm not complaining it was all gooood! A late lie in on the day itself, but we stumbled towards the presents and although it has been a quiet year for presents even for the youngest, I think it's about the day and not how much we spent on each other (if I keep saying that, someday, somebody might believe it other than me) Pressies opened I set about doing what I love doing most on the day and that's the dinner!

The bird was cooked first thing (no not the wife) then I par boiled my spuds for roasting and then everything else fell into place a nice steady pace with more than enough for everybody to tuck into just my pigs in blankets were actually late (I do miss my double oven) but everything else was fine and dandy, once the madding crowd had been fed it was time to watch a bit of Skyfall on the goggle box and start in on Dr Vodka with my new glass which unbelievably didn't run dry all day (yum yum). The Kracken for once was in a good place and didn't deviate too many times to doom and gloom avenue, all in all a good day (for us) although not all of our friends went the way of Christmas present, some suffered power cuts, family feuds and generally world war three, we still  have to get through today so lets see how we hold up.

The only problem were the parsnips which were absolutely fab, but myself and the whole of Gimpsville suffered the Toxic pollution that was the result of a broken clack inverter (a broken hoop) eight hours of vapours polluting the Christmas spirit might not have been the best thing! hahahaha trust me I hate it as much as anything else, my cunning plan to cure the issue doesn't seem to be working as well of late so today is plan B and there will be no consumption of the perilous parsnips at all!

The Chicken is in the oven as we speak and today I shall being cooking Yorkshire Puddings and again there should be enough for everyone to chill and relax (Fingers and everything else crossed) and hopefully go with the flow having said that the eldest and The Kraken are not the best mix and it's not always two good days in a row if you go to church today say a little prayer for us please.

Then there was the hate mail (see you knew it was too good to be true) a number of people asking me why I am quitting? well if you read the blog correctly I'm not quitting (just yet) I'm just sorting out my exit strategy, it might be five years it might be five months, I haven't decided yet! as long as I'm enjoying the writing part of my life then it will continue, so hold your horses, don't get your knickers in a twist, I'm here for now so just enjoy (if you do enjoy it) and go with the flow, I am here for the time being, nobody knows what's around the corner but I have no intention of spoiling something that I at least enjoy doing (and a quite a few of you enjoying reading so it would seem) so for now it's back to books and quiet games chill relax be merry and fuck the world ......Toodles!
   

Partners in Crime.

This had been planned for months and nothing was going to get in our way, many things tried to, but we mowed them down as soon as anything stood in our way!

The wife had been suffering what with her back,but then late on Monday she came down with the lurgy and this set her off in panic mode, but with the right coaxing she calmed down loaded herself up on drugs and and by the morning of the do she was operating at around 96% , we could live with that, there were as always one or two other niggles nothing that we couldn't ignore (yes we chose to ignore how bad are we) I had come into a small windfall (totally out from the left field) but our pay department didn't do the deed so the windfall although partially spent hasn't arrived and won't be there until......who knows?

Yet another Friday off and a day full of doubt about my writing, and a decision made to have some kind of game plan(control)to finish this writing stuff on my terms, yes I do see a time when I finish writing, your comments are always welcome and do give me a wonderful lift at times when obviously I come across as a call for the Samaritans, but it's feeling slightly one dimensional and anyone who is on a treadmill knows that it soon gets boring, I intend to quit while I'm ahead and get out while I'm enjoying what a write! The books have turned into a mega vanity project with tons of hits for reading the preview pages, but sales...well I was never intending to get rich, they are priced as cheaply as possible (I make no profit off them) but times are hard out there, so again unless I can figure something out I can see the end of the road, I have no intention of having more comebacks than Frank Sinatra, so don't let it be a surprise when the road finally runs out!

What's that got to do with the blog I hear you shout, well its the start so wind your neck and sit down this is going to get bumpy! Money issues put to one side and a game plan set we settled down on Friday night to be prepared for the coming day. I was woke up by the steady stream of rain bleaching against the window, we had to have a jolly jaunt to return a hire car after the outcome of the Kraken's Evil Knivel impersonation, we were in a jovial mood and were soon back from Durham where I thought we might experience some turbulence but thankfully we didn't, so in reality we just had to make ourselves pretty before the night.

We pottered and listened to the rain that was still coming down and just after dinner we decided to watch a rom-com for all the ladies so we watched Dredd and yeah it was OK a perfect film for whiling away a wet Saturday afternoon, a quick discussion on what I was intending to wear (not that it matters as I'm officially back to being a fat bastard again) and the wife returned to the Kraken's to deposit the old man of the house to be attended to. we soon got ready and headed out to jump on the peasant wagon which was thankfully only partially full and the journey relatively quick, the only moment of humour was a gentleman getting on at Bensham who spent the short while he was on the bus drawing on the windows (alrighty then). We alighted from the omnibus and took a circuitous route under cover to the bank and only had a minor heart failure when the first machine said "yes you have money but what do you want it for ....jog on" thankfully the next machine gave us what we wanted, crisis averted we headed into Lick Your Hoop surprisingly to find it rammed (ah home game for the toon) we headed up the stairs and found some of our co conspirators, the wife was starting to panic as we had a lift planned home but they dropped out last minute, (hope everything is OK) there were others who had intend to come but changed course to avoid icebergs, but there were others who were suffering under the lurgy, G and E had turned up G in a rather fetching nurse's outfit but no matter how much care and attention was lavished on E she couldn't help herself she was just being so nice to him you could see she was in deep pain, but it was fab to see them even though they were heading home before heading to the bordello. Not before some cunning plans were hatched!(as always far too many to come to fruition I am going to post one of my kidney's on E-bay!)

We said  our farewells and what was left of our party headed of to Nancy's and for a change we weren't the first through the door but we weren't that far behind, so we snaffled our regular corner and settled in for a cosy (ahem) night. As always I feel as though it's the wife's night (she could make friends in an empty room) and I always feel that I will fade into the gloom, but as always I'm proved wrong and there is soon lots of peeps who chat on to me, as well as people trying to take my picture (grrr) and as always on viewing said pictures this morning I look like a fecking whale, I really do need to keep my mouth shut and try and get back to losing weight! The night flew and although we were worrying because our designated Taxi firm wasn't accepting bookings until after ten (looking ominous) but we plunged ahead with the merry making and the fab conversations and generally it was a pretty fab night some people as always were indeed missed but you knuckle down and try to carry on well you have to don't you! (Tee Hee) there were still lots of peeps talking about the old times and about music , but for one moment I felt unhappy I was molested and abused all the while it was being photographed (oh the horror) but I fought back and kept shutting my eyes at the wrong time (allegedly).

Many birthday drinks were bought for the wife (well it is only a week away) and she was a good girl she paced herself really well, then there was some more dancing, some more talking and some new friends being introduced (I felt like an adult) but as always when I go to these do's, the night starts with trepidation and always ends with joyous sadness, because always it has to end some times, we did get a taxi and it was only a little earlier than planned and we were soon whisked back to Gimpsville, by the most pleasant driver we have had in months, once through the door we didn't hang about we hit the hay as soon as possible. I awoke this morning feeling refreshed but the wife was under the weather (warm vodka does that to you) but nowhere near as bad potentially as it could have been, a good result all around and with only one small mishap with the Kraken (nothing serious but she was upset so you have to do the right thing) I do wish I had took a note book because the amount of ideas flowing out of me last night for the blog were phenomenal and as I sit here typing today, it seems like nothing ( I was never going to do a blow by blow account of the evening please be aware we came we saw we kicked it's ass) we now have Junior sat causing mayhem while we do the good deed and (surprise surprise) the eldest tried to take the piss and lo and behold we ignored her  hahahaha .

Now to just get through the rest of the night (I shall be attempting to cook some Lamb) and then hopefully a quiet day at work and then the night of the year that I hate most (you have read the blogs and the books if not why the hell not? it's not too late in the day to buy or read the bloody things) and then the big day itself so although I might be writing I'm not expecting to be posting anything any time soon (yeah right) so bear with me and go with the flow. so that's it have a fab time of the year, play nice and try not to be too cruel cherry mistmass! oh and while I remember everybody else is talking about them so lets get it going worldwide Lady J had legs last night real live legs that were feminine and just the right size ooops I thought I had better tell everybody! oooh I can see a Farcebook page being formed, well OK maybe's not I value my flesh far too much until the next time .....Toodles!

Everything you did

I'm sitting here keeping the plates spinning nice and slow, My brain is still fried but I passed my exam and completed my project for good or bad it's done, I'm trying to stop the world spinning out in the wrong direction, I believe i have slowed it, I just need it to go my way (for once) lets see where we go!

All my fruits are still growing (oo er) and hopefully we shall see some produce for the weekend, I wanted to see and confirm some good news earlier but as always I need to sit and wait like a good boy waiting for Christmas....actually I am...waiting that is, hahahaha the weekend is peaking over the top and I can't wait, but there are still way too many potential bomb shells that could drop in our lap I wish we could have a weapons embargo from within the family, but we will keep fighting in the vain hope that we can win a few battles if not the war!

I'm off tomorrow I have been enjoying these four day weeks but it won't last, it never does so let's go with the flow and hope it flows past a happy place, I have been looking forward to our planned outing at the weekend so I don't want to jinx it, hopefully hi jinx and fun and games to write about on Sunday morning so here's fingers crossed, Christmas seems as if it has been coming down the lane forever this time next week we will be back to bitching and moaning about the weather!

My mood has perked (oops sense of doom) up this week and hopefully over the break some more writing will take place to ensure that the next book will be in place to go to the publishers by the end of January, hopefully there shouldn't be as long a gap between books I don't have many vices but writing is the one I like the most (damn you Chris Harrison hahahaha) there will be more Toodle's books than originally planned but hey ho that's just the way it is!

Blog numbers to paraphrase a certain movie "have been off the chain" so that has helped my mood for all the writing, but I'm not pushing it too much I do have tons of smaller nuggets which will get used in the blogs, this well isn't dry and I want to polish and nurture what comes out so bear with me as we navigate the rocks to drill to bring the juice to the top of the pipeline hahahaha I really must concentrate instead of producing drivel hahahaha as if!

Work has as always been the root of all evil and the main reason why my brain has been fried, I need to recharge and sooner rather than later, cunning plans are being formed as we speak for the coming year nothing too fancy but my days off are booked and loaded for bear, so watch this space, I must admit to being off the pace as I sit and remember friends, who I haven't seen or even spoke to in such a long time and although I haven't been in contact with them in what seems like a long time (nor they with me but hey ho that's life), they are in my thoughts and I know when they re appear in my life it will seem like only yesterday, that we were as always taking  the piss and having a laugh, my mood is one of tiredness and not melancholy boys and girls, so don't despair, take hope that tomorrow will bring a new me to the table and a new blog might appear with more cohesion and direction but for now this what I have to offer, a little boy who normally dislikes Christmas trying his best to enjoy the season of (cough) goodwill for all it's worth and to see if it's as good as it's cracked up to be hahahahaha.

So chill relax kick back stack the wood on the fire and have a drink or two, play Christmas music (or dodgy 70's rock music like me hahahaha) but whatever you do, Love the ones around you even those that annoy you (sorry E you married G he's all yours!) because you never know if this could indeed be the last time you see them and then all you have is memories and regrets, with that maudlin thought I blow you all goodnight kisses and will see you on the other side of this blog so until the next one, watch the skies there could be a fat man in a suit on your roof and no it's not me it's more likely be SMOR as he has the bloody suit.......Toodles!

Bang Bang

So the weekend sneaks in and I have sat here plodding away at work (that should really be done at work rather than bringing it home to distract me from the family) and I have to admit I'm not overly impressed with the way the world has spun this week, again as always I have got ahead of myself follow the thread and watch how easy things can unravel.

After the last blog I should imagine that you will know that I'm toast totally fried and if I'm honest just waiting to pull the blankets up over 2012, York seems like a lifetime ago and the week (as described in the previous blog) has dragged, I did My exam and I have no idea whether I have passed, I still have the project to conclude (hopefully by next week) but the coming week hopefully should be trying to get all the manageable ends back under some semblance of control (hahahaha) Life wasn't done with me on Thursday, I was just through the door when everybody else turned up, The Kraken's little dog deposited on the front seat of her car and we were back indoors so quick my head spun,  the Kraken headed off knew that she would struggle to get out the top of the lane, so she took a small detour out of the side street and then shot across the road through traffic and finally coming to a halt at a shop window, thankfully nobody was hurt, just her car and the one that she hit, (millions wasted in lawyers fees I can foresee)  the emergency services were fab and as quick as the accident had happened, all traces (with the exception of a scratch on the shop window frame) were gone like it never happened.

The Kraken is still shook up so I have a feeling this could run for a while, and although I was off yesterday as we had tickets to see a small independent film (The Hobbit you may have heard of it) I think we were both unsure as to whether to leave her, the weather being as bad as it was, we went it kicked our ass and we got home as quickly as possible, today as I have already moaned about it has been primarily work and then this little blog. We wanted to go and see Chaos Asylum tonight but it's simply not going to happen hopefully next time.

The rest of the day will be spent trying to stop me being a gloomy guts (and no I'm no looking for sympathy I'm not down in the dumps or suicidal just my get up and go has got up and fucked off) I have to build up to next weekend for the Jubilee's reunion where there should be lots of mad people having mad fun, mad drinking and some peculiar dancing, so that is something for me to look forward to hahahaha and no I shall not be dancing, so I hope everybody chills and relax's has a great time this weekend but spare the horses because next weekend should be a doozy so until the next time watch the skies ......Toodles!

Running on ice

After the last couple of blogs I don't think I really have that much to say other than to keep my hand in so that's exactly what I will attempt to do.

So here we are once more, back to work back to reality, and back to the grind all the words and bile you can use and more, I had kept my work's phone on the Friday before the jaunt to York, but switched it off knowing that hardly anybody had tried to contact me, it helped with the stress levels, the weekend rushed passed like the train we rode on York in hahahahaha, Monday came early start up at 4.30, my usual routine (which we really don't need to go into right here right now) I was ready with time to spare, so I thought I would turn my work phone on, it went off like some kind of machine gun over thirty e-mails going ping ping ping one after another, I thought I had woke up the whole state of Gimpsville this didn't bode well! thankfully most of it was information, but I was scared scared scared!

This week seemed to be full of courses and exams and as I sit and type this drivel tomorrow is fast approaching like a wave of doom along with one last exam, I am fried my brain is just so wasted I was dragged out of my course today to go deal a major situation (thankfully it wasn't as bad as suspected) a distraction that I could have done without, the course itself is a doddle and the exam I should walk but in the mock exam this afternoon I passed, but not with a high score and I wasn't bothered or even interested, some peoples thought I looked tired and if I'm honest this has been a long long year, with still lots to do, I love it but sometimes the burn out factor kicks me right in the ass, will I pass tomorrow I hope so, as it won't look good if I don't, so lets hope for an early night and a better attitude in the morning hahahahahaha yeah right!

The title isn't such a misstep as I missed my regular lift and was heading for the peasant transport with all the Christmas shoppers  that I love (not)when I was offered a lift by a person who moves down my shit list a couple of places (but not off it altogether) and I was very grateful for the lift but rather than come all the way into Gimpsville I got dropped off next to where they live (I was grateful, I didn't want to owe them anything hahahaha) I was dropped about a quarter of a mile from my house which was very Icy, I regretted not selling my soul to the very devil and walked like a crippled old man home, each step being like being stabbed repeatedly in my knees, I don't like this old age malarkey.

The new book is here and although it was a ghastly bloody nightmare I really do wish I was a tad more of a nerd, The font was all collated the same and the same size as well, yet when printed to the site some of them have been changed, so after wrestling with the computer  I gave up it's here and it's........OK the newer bits are the bits I prefer, only because I have hardly lived with them and I think they are fine and dandy, you decide (buy a bloody copy) now to use a big stick and try and appease the wife who is still fighting the lurgy and is being a major pain ("oh no I'm not" "oh yes you are") after wrestling Junior who hasn't slept at all today, Panto season is well and truly here! and that's me heading out of Dodge until the next time or when I can be arsed .....Toodles!

Invisible

Ok so this blog was meant to be named a lot of the things "The Rage" "Dixie Chicken" to name but two, but as I type away into oblivion I believe the title I have chose shall be the correct one, so you guys let me know?

The week itself dragged, work was a major pain just because of the amount of work being thrown my way and nowhere near enough time to complete, I feel as though at the moment I'm fighting a losing battle, but I will knuckle down and get on with the life in hand, pointless moaning about it it has to be done so lets crack on. Monday and Tuesday was busy, busy, busy and then Wednesday Thursday taken up by yet another course (life seems to revolve around courses these days) Friday I was off to rest and recuperate do the odd job (and more course work) but in main to get ready for the weekend which would soon be upon us!

The week itself at home had been very traumatic, what with local weather conditions and me looking after Junior, while the wife went off to get the youngest from college, something which would normally take about fifty minutes ended up taking over five and a half with the youngest being kept safe at my place of employment(thanks to those that came to our assistance at my hour of need) and the wife going through a journey from hell including the car breaking down and a good Samaritan coming to her assistance all the while with me sat in the house going out of my mind because I couldn't do anything to assist, the weekend couldn't get here quick enough for either of us.

Friday arrived and the wife had a few tasks to compete with the Kraken, so me and the youngest got on and did what we had to do some stuff here some stuff there and so when the wife turned up to take the entire clan (excluding me) to the Kraken's the day had slipped into darkness, we lay around like loppy dogs upon her return all tasks just about completed, all we really needed (and it had been planned as such) was an early night so we could arise refreshed in the following morning, OK so you all know us we soon went astray we were all settled and ready for our pit when the wife decided that she needed to sort out the music on her phone (it will only take a few minutes......fifty minutes later and the threat of a dummy being spat out) we finally headed up the stairs and soon we were (trying to be) asleep.

The morning came and even with all the alarms set, I struggled to climb out of my pit, but once on the move I was an unstoppable force. Bath breakfast clothes on and hot to trot, we headed out the door on time, but we were weary and not quite firing on all six cylinders, we boarded the bus but the wife was soon mumbling protests about the mode of transport, the driver was having some issues but seemed to have it under control ....well that was until about halfway when he killed the engine and called the depot to say he couldn't go any further(air brakes sensors and other things that if you travel by bus you are used to but if you travel in a car you will whinge constantly about) the wife was just going to go atomic as we were indeed on a tight schedule to get to our destination, when thankfully (for him) he told us he was putting us all on the bus that was a minute behind us (different service different depot but it got us there around about the same time) and we rushed into the station to meet our co-conspirators and to make our way with time to spare to our train platform.

Now E is a demon of the airwaves and had managed to get us cheap tickets to go to York in first class, so we were soon ensconced in our seats playing with buttons and sliding our seats watching while G had two cups of coffee all the while being abused with gay abandon by his loving wife.The main course for concern being his coat shedding feathers here there and every where (and yes indeed I nearly went with white feather as a title as well) The journey not being overly long we had soon slipped through the English countryside and were deposited on a bright pavement outside York Station. the day was dry but wet weather was forecast for later on in the day, it was at this point that we soon realised that we were all invisible as we were to learn that York was populated by ignorant Stevie Wonder's who bashed into people without a care or apology for doing so, but we took our lumps and headed into the middle of York (with G now needing a toilet because of the second cup of coffee) we bimbled around saw some sites, got knocked by more people and decided potentially where we were going to have something to munch later on!

We sauntered far and wide and were tempted by a pasty (just the one) but we didn't dawdle because the empty shop next to the bakers was full of flies so there was obviously something dead within the unit, we moved along munching as we went, we then hit the first pub of the day which was a favourite from previous visits, it was to be the first of many small disappointments, now I like a good time and the pub and the beer was quite nice but most of the available space was given over to the serving of food so the bar was soon rammed, with far more people coming to the door and seeing how full it was and then moving along, the people who were there again were just loud and obnoxious (hey we know how to have a good time but this wasn't it, well not at just after eleven o'clock in the morning in a space the size of most people's bathrooms!) and the rest of the day would be blighted by loud and ignorant people. We finished our drinks and we went back to more roaming.

Finally we needed to quench our thirst one more time (we needed to see if we were doing it right) we arrived at another pub and we were soon sat and drinking (well actually two members of the party were playing on their bloody phones weren't they G) again the pub soon became uncomfortable, so we again moved on this time to get some much needed food. We arrived at a Hog roast shop we had spotted before and we soon were sorted standing on the pavement after buying half a pig and little portion of Lamb between us when two aresholes attempted to get us too move away from an innocuous doorway (you're standing in my mam's business's door stopping customers) now I as always missed this opening gambit, but I did hear G's reply which informed them that he wasn't, but if anyone did indeed require access he would indeed move! not good enough, more bile spewed and then stomping past G all the while the fat pierced one who we think was female bashed into G who was very restrained and quite polite, they disappeared up a set of stairs only to be followed by a heavier set of footsteps (oooh somebody much bigger for us to play with) rushing down towards us, who was even more abusive claiming his son had been abused, again G showing much restraint told them to get on with it (without any swearing I hasten to add, I was well impressed) the bigger man of the family didn't come any further (he wasn't that brave) the mother swept past us to have a go at the hog roast shop staff who politely ignored them.

The bubble being burst the shine was off the day and just about everywhere we went after that,there was nothing but noisy drunk ignorant people, who as a rule of thumb we don't mind, but this was everywhere, we enjoyed York the place and as always we enjoyed our company, but if we had weapons York would have resembled an episode of The Walking Dead with us shooting everybody in it's wake! as darkness once again surrounded us we headed back to the train station and then it struck us that what we needed was a cream tea that would sort us out, so we found a suitable place and ventured into this brightly lit enclave of englishness and ordered a cream tea G wanted a beef sandwich but was happy enough with a piece of carrot cake but was disappointed with the lack of carrots sticking out of his cake! we enjoyed ourselves and had giggles with our cream tea and stuff even the staff got in on the event when (yet again) G was getting told off for one of the many things on the shit list that he carries around with him, at least they didn't complain about all of the feathers!

We headed back out under the cover of the all consuming darkness and headed down to  the eye to see how many body parts we would have to sell to gain entry and even though we all fancied a go, We didn't see the point of throwing all that money at a go on a covered in Ferris wheel and so we headed into the train station to double check our return trains progress from London, and as it was on time we headed off to find yet another hostelry that would provide us with drink and sustenance and finally we found one that was not stuffed to the gills and there was food, so we did the thing that were put on this trip for, we had some drink and some food which was nice, we were going to have to wait for the grub but we didn't mind....that was until yet another loud mouthed oaf sat next to us (there's only six of you and there is nothing loud playing in the pub and yet you have to shout at the top of your lungs....tosser) thankfully our food arrived and we tucked in yum yum yum!

All done and dusted we headed back out into the fine drizzle and headed back into the train station to be met like we were in eighties Belfast and were all but body searched as we headed out onto the platform (the staff were actually nice but must have shit loads of trouble on a weekend) we climbed on board to be met with the last arse of the day thankfully we were soon in our seats chatting and generally relaxing (by this time the wife was not in good shape physically although we had drank through the day, we were all good boys and girls but the length of the day had worn her out ) when serendipity sat up and smacked me right in the face coming down the aisle (in his full time job) was Rob Weir (you mean you don't know who The Tygers Of Pan Tang are good grief where have you been all this time?) and it took all of my powers to behave, I just wanted to talk to him throwing in Tygers song titles in the mix, but I was a good boy and just chuckled and posted crap on Farcebook about it!

We arrived at our home station to a cold windy empty platform but we soon spotted somebody we all knew and it was great to see Davey B just finishing his shift,Davey is another one of the gang hardly ever seen due to work and various other bits and pieces and it was the icing on a good day (spoilt by ignorant loud mouth arseholes) we said our farewells to our co-conspirators and headed for the bus to head home, which if truth be told was generally uneventful but way too hot for the wife and we got off three stops from home to stop her day being totally ruined, thankfully out in the fresh air she recovered (G could have helped with the tight bra, he's helpful like that) the bug bear was we had to walk up the steepest bank in the neighbourhood to get home, which finished me off but at least the wife wasn't suffering. Once home we watched a little TV (OK the wife watched I blinked), then when able we headed up the stairs to Narnia.

We woke up this morning me crippled from the waist down (nothing new there) and the wife suffering from flu, ah the joys of being punished for being dictators in an earlier life, we schmoozed through the day watching Led Zeppelin from the O2 (nope still don't get it) and then ACDC live from River Plate which was cracking then I had to be pointed towards the direction of the computer as it had been seven days since my last confession I mean blog but you knew that anyway. all that remains is yet another week at work with as always yet another two days of course work and a day off on Friday which we were hoping to see The Hobbit but we will see how the pennies fall.

The new book should be here soon enough and those of you who should expect a copy (Broadsword calling Danny boy) will indeed get a pressie from a fat man (no not Santa me) hahaha so with that I head out to sort myself for an early night as this is my week of earlies so that in itself is soooooo wonderful (yes sarcasm button is stuck) so enjoy the blog (as so many people have, as the numbers have been through the roof enjoy and until the next time ........Toodles!

Countdown to zero

And so the countdown begins back to work tomorrow, I'm frightened to even go near my work email account, I will do it in the morning, but I am scared very scared hahahaha.

The week has flown over in a flash, not sure what we did or what happened, hahahaha maybe someone out there can tell me, I know I blogged extensively at the early part of the week as intended, but I had a book to finish and that I did after a bit of a nightmare! are you sitting comfortably then I will begin!

Monday brought on the onslaught of the hurricane (Junior)  and I did my duty and helped look after the little (hell's) angel, I'm still trying to work out why we look after the little biter , but we do and for the most part he is lovely (that's as close to cutie pie you will get out of me)   he rans us ragged but I didn't mind I was on holiday didn't I tell you that!

Tuesday the big day 33 (cough) or something close I can never remember, what the hell ! cards were thrust in my general direction, and fab one made by the youngest (at least I got one off her) and a pressie (a Fish Mug if you know me you will understand) and then the day was under way, the little biter doing what only he can, cause mayhem on a minor scale and then he just looks at you with those innocent eyes(unfortunately they don't work on Poppa) and the roller coaster went off in that direction at high speed, I started polishing and editing the book that had been sat there since May, I had left it alone, despondent about it not being able to get it published, but it seems we need to eat and pay utility bills first. so I sat down to read and sort out small bits and pieces, making sure that I had all the stuff that was required I had done two new chapters to sit at the back but I felt I was robbing you the paying public (yeah right get ya hand in your pockets) so I wrote a fresh opener (which if you go to blurb.com you will get to read it as the first fifteen pages are there for a preview) and played about with that , nothing massive as I realised that I didn't have the time to sit down and write an epic just something fresh, to lure you in and lull you into a false sense of hope!

Then it was Wednesday all in a flash and this was the main day for me to get writing for the next book (Buck Naked and the Nine Stone Cowboy some titles sound good at the time and you just have to go with them!), the one I had neglected the one I had lots of ideas for but not the inclination to get my arse into gear, so it was heads down arse up (in a non sexual kind of way) and over the course of the day I got three done "Coma" and yes the song title refers to the chapter so work out who the song title belongs to and that should give you an indication what it's all about (Alfie) Generation Landslide takes us all the way back to 1982. the third one well that's still a work in progress and I'm not sure if it has enough depth (generally i write about twenty five chapters and go with the ones with the best flow), I might give you all an indication towards the publishing date which at the moment is looking like being the end of January, I have nine chapters finished, but not polished and one I'm circling like a vulture because I'm not sure if I like it, we shall see don't worry as always you lot will be the first to know when it's done.

Thursday the Hurricane was blown out and sat with his Poppa almost silent and was soon on his way home, and me I did a little bit more writing and had been intending to get "Toodles" off to the publishers but the day was gone in a flash although I did end up with a bottle of Jack which I wasn't expecting, and then off to sleep to prepare for a bit of a do which Lady J had organised, the one that was at that particular moment in time giving me palpitations, why I hear you all ask? well I have no problem going to gatherings (large or small .....see E I'm available to rent) but I'm not used to being the centre of attention!

Friday came and we did all the things that you do when you are going out get your head sharpened (that's a haircut for the non English natives who have a tendency to read this) bathed and dressed and I was a good boy I was, I didn't harangue anybody for to get ready or ask them how long they were going to take, and we set off at the appointed time, dropped the old man of the house off at the Kraken's (her turn to do a good deed) and we set off into the night to our destination The heart of all England a lovely little Pub that cook's excellent grub, mind you we had to get there first as we sped through the dark country side with the wife driving to her I Pod and her screaming at people who didn't dip their lights fast enough, well you have read the blog's so I'm sure you get the picture.

We found a space to Park in lovely Historic Hexham and soon discovered that we were indeed the first one's there (eeh I was so happy, I love being on time me! hahahaha) we were escorted to the back area that was put aside for us and waited, soon peeps started showing up although our tattooed friend had given his apologies there was still a nice little gathering and I didn't feel as though it was night  all about me but a night for good friends and good food, another bottle (hic) and some lovely Chilli Jam and the meal was over as soon as it had began, we did what we do best we ate we drank we laughed (tee hee) you get the picture, Hells bells even a set of darts were produced not for long thankfully.

It was over as quickly as it had began and we separated us and G and E to headed off to Newcastle the others to call it a night, we said our fond farewell's and promised E that it was all downhill to the car, as she had climbed a mountain to get there with Sherpa G prodding and cajoling her all the way, then when everybody we strapped everybody  in and then we set off in our speed machine, there were only a few prayers offered up in the journey and potentially one "sweet Jesus" as G was otherwise occupied trying to claim the youngest's hand bag all the while receiving instructions from E "to shut the fuck up" and other words of encouragement, we made it to our destination and rushed the bar for drinkie poo's, it didn't seem as though we had been there long when all of a sudden they called time(WTF) thankfully another surge arrived and they had to cancel that thought.

Then it was indeed all over I had tried to publish the book earlier in the day and that was playing on mind (typical technology) and when we got back to Gimpsville there was snow on the bloody ground,I can do without that, we dropped the youngest off and reclaimed the old man of the house and headed home! Me stressing on what had changed with the settings of publishing the book, ah well that could wait until Saturday! Actually it didn't I left it until this morning and struggled with it and struggled with technology, but finally got there with only a few mishaps, I did discover that the book was over long as seeing as how I like to have new bits in and I didn't want to strip them out, so I took one of the blog chapters out and will add it to the next one which is due probably in about April, so plans and more plans all the time, Santa will be here earlier than expected and hopefully to Germany as well before Christmas watch the skies Mr Robinson.

There you go lots of cunning plans the month of December is upon us films to go and see, Work to do, next we ride on York to bring desolation on all who stand in our way, and don't worry E I will not be bringing a little book to take notes, I'm sure even I can hold that thought for twelve hours or so, play nice and keep spreading the word 435 views in the month of November so it's all starting to pick up momentum and watch the skies as there might be another blog by the end of the week so until then ....Toodles!

State of mind

OK so we all know that today is my birthday and that I had to go and sit with the dead and the dying (my annual visit to the doctors) and as always I look so forward to it, full of really old people who were old when I was a kid. Staff who don't give a shit (I hear where you are coming from guys and dolls but at least try and fake it and not come across like a bunch of Nazi's) and a bunch of junkie's I would gladly take outside and shoot (damn I sound like the staff) and as always the place runs like a well oiled .....OK lets not go there I have a tendency to day dream while I'm there, today was no different and these are the things that I realised while waiting for the nice Doctor to see me:

Dead is the new unambiguous!

Hairy is the new Face!

The Buckets are probably the most consistent band I have ever seen play live!

Bi-Polar is the new undecided!

Dread is the new fear!

Finding the right time for you is the new impotence!

Smoking is the new outdoor style of living!

Being a football fan is the new birth control! ........well have you seen the price of a season ticket!

Vegan-ism is the new "tastes like chicken"!

Heavily armed is the born again!

Methadone is the new crowd control! .....The walking dead is a reality come to Gimpsville you will see!

Singing is the new Hubris!

Driving is the new walking!

The smiley sign emoticon is the new "yours sincerely"!

Misinformed is the new Patriotic!

Talking is the new singing!

Bald is the new head.....oh and the new crotch if you check out Chris Harrison's photo's!

Gay marriage is the new "be careful what you wish for"!

Working is for the simple few!

Texting is the new talking!

Sheepishly claiming you have an STD is the new flirting! (hahahaha you kids know feck all if that's flirting count me out).

And finally because i really want this one to catch on 48 is the new 30.....no ah well it was worth a try!

And then I got called into the Quacks, I was seen to and I said same time as next year, headed home to see if I had been successful in hiding my birthday on Farcebook (nope) to be greeted by Junior who had made a card (what a genius he's not even two yet! not really sure why the wife was covered in ink though) and I as I type this checking on numbers for the last couple of blogs, they have both been in excess of 50 + for each blog stunned is not the word ...well it is as the wife found her cattle prod and boy does it sting, she has been reading the blogs she just wanted to lull me into a false sense of security, but it's all good now to head down the rabbit hole and get on and finish book number seven. Cunning stunts and events are planned watch this space and the skies for the next thrilling adventure of walks with broken hoop, until then .......Toodles!

Heart broke and busted

Imagine my shock and horror when I gleefully announced to the wife that the blog numbers were doing really well and the response I got in return was "I'm glad someone is reading it" WTF she has stopped reading it because it was getting miserable (mmmmm some of them maybe but surely not all of them) so there has been no thought police watching for god knows how long!

When and how did this happen?I thought I was doing good? but if I can't even get the wife to read what chance do I have? actually I got confused for a second there the fact that the wife no longer reads all of the blogs doesn't mean a decline in standards I suppose that means that she now actually trusts me a little more than usual (me with my reputation) to behave and be a good boy (does she not know me?) and now that the leash is off well......I'm not sure anymore, the wife was a good safety blanket for me and now my confidence has erm stalled, the doubts are flooding back in, Did I get too safe? was I indeed too miserable for far too long? nobody else seemed to mind, oh dear me what to do what to do?

Does this mean the end of the road for the blog? hell no it was never written for the wife to read, the fact that she did was an added bonus, but knowing that the thought police have been removed is like removing al the speed cameras from the motorway, I still haven't decided if it's a good idea yet. The amount of feedback I have been getting from all of you guys indicates I'm doing something right or do you just like to see the ramblings of an old man?

A bit to drink in honour of the buckets last night and by all accounts it was a fab night (boo hoo) for everybody, and a small lie in for me (I could get used to this) although the rain bleaching down would have woke the dead (at some point) I struggled to deal with life in the real world and while the wife (the treacherous cur that she is) went to pick up Junior I readied myself for the onslaught that the coming hurricane would bring! Wearing the sling is helping this old cripple but it can't be worn when the hurricane turns up. Whoever said getting old is fun deserves a bloody slap (oops got to be good I don't want to scare off anymore readers ) today looks like (surprise) baby sitting duties oh wunderbar another fun filled holiday to look forward to, on top of that I realised that I miscalculated when my bonus is in and I'm only off by four months (WTF) work moved the holidays from the financial year set up, but not the bonus! buggeration and other non provoactive swear words for the discerning reader. Not major in the grand scheme of the things but it took the shine off the apple just a tad when I realised, ah well pick yourself up and dust yourself off it's all any of us can do!

Now what started off as a slight addendum from yesterday has actually turned into a blog (how did that happen) no this isn't the one I have planned for tomorrow so it means you get a bumper crop this week (except for the wife that is ....) deep joy so watch the skies its the B word tomorrow and I have to go to the quacks so if you are on the edge of your seat and can't wait, well tough I will see you around about dinner time all donations and pressies can be donated to my two favourite charities DILLIGAF.com or FOAD.org and that's me out of here like a burglar falling down the stairs until the next one watch the skies because there is another one coming until then....Toodles.

This coca cola tastes funny with no vodka in it.......just saying like.

Underneath My Pillow

So maybe not the start to my holliberries as I expected the pay was in, but a decidedly shit day at work put me in a foul mood, which as I type is festering in the back of my mind plotting, doing what I do best so by the time I go back there should be some fun and games to be had.

Yesterday was a day of polishing and ploughing through all my ideas that I have for the next "new" book, which will be here with us sometime in the new year, checking all the stuff that I have done for the new book due before Christmas, which again I have polished and added yet another new chapter that I previously hadn't done before, which is nearly there but not quite so I know what I shall be doing tonight, also I have been in a pit of misery as I feel as though if I was an old car I would be getting put on the back of a tow truck to be dragged to the scrapyard, Not fixed up by G and Mr C, I have been through the wars with broken bones and the such like but my shoulder has well and truly done the business as I struggle to move, which is a nightmare as I'm trying to break a forty plus year habit of sleeping on my arm (ouch) underneath my pillow. it's muscular though so hopefully easily sorted (fingers crossed).

The choices for tonight's entertainment are do we stay in and have a night of doing sweet bugger all keeping the pennies for next weekend, going to see Europe in Newcastle who to be honest we have seen the last two times and we know they are a bloody good band live but what are they going to do that will be "different" the problem with bands needing to survive by touring they are like a bus "oooh look it's November Europe must be due a tour" you get the picture, or we could (and this one would get my vote purely for the mayhem quotation but the wife isn't 100% so it's a no no!) go and see Bessie and the Zinc Buckets in sunny South Shields! bedlam with just a hint of drink induced frenzy, so I will tinker about the house with just a hint of a pet lip as I endure the Boo Hoo Club and look after my sickly co conspirator who as always is in worse shape than this whinging man!

So we will endeavour to enjoy the last Grand Prix of the season and make sure that we are prepared for our Friday night to come with good friends and hopefully to our preferred drinking hole in Newcastle (no not the Robbers Den) safe in the knowledge that there will be a couple of jaunts away in the coming weeks to bring friendship and sanity back into our lives OK so sanity will be spelt with a silent "in" in front of it, but who cares the The Tee Hee Club will rise again these last six months have been absolute purgatory, but praise the lord there is a light at the end of the tunnel and thankfully it's G going on about hoops while stealing handbags and dancing in high heels!

The numbers for the last couple of blogs have indeed been through the roof! so there's a plus for me and all my negativity and a lot of peeps seem to be digging the vibe so hopefully I can try and keep grooving in the right direction, some of you are indeed spreading the disease so thank you for that, if any of you check the Blurb website the numbers have shrunk obviously because I have been quite quiet lately .But if you click the like button on there on any particular book itself,Blurb will start pushing them again, any help gratefully accepted me a media whore....of course darling!

So a week to write my socks off I already have a blog for my birthday prepared and honestly I don't think it will be too bilious, I may not like the day but I'm not that much of a sour puss as too rain on others good wishes, after that well not a lot and plenty of it and then silent running for a while to get the juices flowing and down onto the page so to speak so enjoy hanging onto the spinning pearl we call home and watch the skies there could be a few blogs soon....Toodles!

Fear

I believe that I suffer from two fundemental forms of fear (well OK that's two that I will admit too hahahaha) fear of not getting what I want (oh dear hahahaha after not getting what I want for so long  all I really need these days is a quiet happy family life.....WTF) and the fear of losing what I have (as mad as it sounds - The wife and kids - Cliche....go figure) the fact that they don't stem from any "actual" threats to my actual or "percived" survival, I firmly believe that both aspects of this fear is derived itself from an underlying fear of my "actual" or "percieved" death (can't you tell I have a birthday approaching like the wife in a formula one racing car) it would follow that most of my anxiety is actually the result of a faulty perception (Moi with my reputation!)  oh and when I mean perception what I really mean is call loony tunes as one of the toons is on the loose! Now this leaves me with two possible options regaurding my fears, I need to change my perception or do what I do best and simply ignore the issue all together!

Now the reason that I actually bring this particular issue to your attention is in this ever changing world of self improvementI never see "ignoring yourself" being offered as a viable solution to the problems of the mind (and I seem to have a few- Cuckoo)but let me assure you yes you, hell yeah it works! the next time that you are filled with dread simply take a post it note to yourself, thank your mind for making you aware of the issue but behave as if you have been given a racing tip from a zebra in a bar (the unicorn is on a weeks holiday). of course ignoring fear messages no longer applies if your sat on a bus and the nutter next to utters those imortal words "I have a thermo nuclear device strapped to me" while all the time speaking in various to the one and only true god Cedric! In reality it's probably only a corned beef can and you think I have issues hahahaha.

I think you can tell by the blog that this holiday can't real come quickly enough, tomorrow is D day on a number of issues Pay being the most important reason if not just for my sanity I really do need a rest work has worn me down (along with a few others on the team) to a nub I need some good company, some drink and just a pinch of tenderness sweet tenderness, so watch the skies there will as always be another blog until then...Toodles!

Question of Balance

So here I sit sullen late at night, checking stats and the last blog has done well, well for something I threw out there, Waiting for the time to for me to climb into my pit and let the clock keep ticking as I countdown the hours before I carry on with another week at work hey ho lets go.

The blogs have been doing OK of late (that's why I'm sat here sullen) where have I gone wrong, as always doubt has crept under the armour and is burrowing slowly and painfully towards my heart, actually that would be my shoulder, that a fortnight after the last assination attempt is still incredibly sore, I have to go to the quacks on my birthday of all days, so if I'm still in pain I might ask him his highly sought after opinion as to why my loved ones are still trying to kill me?

A day of doing odds and sods has come and gone and I still haven't done all the things I wanted to, but I have been compiling more ideas and getting them into shape for the new book in the new year, hopefully if the pay rise is in the bank on friday then the next new book will be sent to the publishers and damn the torpedoes!

I have been getting teased with tickling rednecks (the dreaded R word) because of the corperation tax scandal that is going on at the moment and I have to admit I just don't use the companies concerned and I do not have an axe to grind or feel the need to blog about them (and yet here I am) mind you if I was prime minister and it was proven I would just sieze the companies assets and imprison the entire board of directors, would you all vote for me? as it is I won't use their services, over priced and crap when did we become coffee swilling addicts, why should I care I don't really I just feel the need to sit here and type something to clear my head. 

I have the desire to sit and type something that is not structured something that is random something that i just let flow from my finger tips I need to get in the mood because I believe I have a week of writing coming up and I need to get the old fingers oiled will it be perfection? I have no idea, I just know I have not had this feeling of anticipation for a long long time and I cannot wait, this week will probably be the longest ever so I will just have to knuckle down and crack on.

Work has become a major pain purely because of the quantity of work coming my way do I think I can handle it hell no but I'm sure as hell going to go down fighting, if I don't the week will just drag on. Cunning plans are being devised not only for a birthday bash (I will be the uncomfortable person sat in the corner hahahaha) but a mini road trip to York (Woo Hoo) as well as going to see a certain film on the 14th (can't name it otherwise E might try and get in on the assination game and she comes across as a person who would do it properly) mind you I have taken a day off work because I thought we could go to the first viewing but mmmm the others aren't as keen, lets just go with the flow.

The numbers for the blogs I hear you all ask well 333 in the last four weeks so I must be doing something right, and most of the comments and personal e-mails have been well complimentary the only real abuse I have been getting is people who haven't been getting the name game (give it a rest Nils I'm sick and twisted and like my music) and I have to give praise were it's due about 90% of you do indeed get it (how many of you goggle the bloody answer though) so maybe I need to go obscure on you're asses don't worry as always I have some good ideas leave it with me see what we can do!

So there you go two blogs in less than twelve hours, will this be the beginning of the flood, well probably not just flexing those (brain) muscles required for the next book and beyond and for once I feel pretty damn good about it, why not just crack on with it now? I hear a number of you saying, well for one I have a tendency to blink after work and this week is going to be intense to say the least so if I do indeed get the urge to do another one before next Friday praise the god you believe in but don't hold your breath, what with work and Junior and any further murderous attempts on my life!  trust me I'm going to be one busy bunny and on that note it's time to turn out the lights pull the covers over this weary body and as always just go with the flow.

Thanks to each and every single one of you, for following this sad old(er) man as he bimbles on down the roadand trust me when I say that there is some stuff coming down the line that I think that you all might get a kick out of and on that note it's time for my beauty sleep play nice and be positive keep spreading the disease and remember to watch the skies you never can tell when I will get the urge ....until then Toodles!

The brightest bulb has burned out.

I happen to think that if I don't examine my life, then surely my life has not been worth living (don't worry this is not a doom and gloom blog) I also happen to think that there is the potential of heartache could float to the surface, with that in the front of my brain whenever I'm down (which isn't as often as it used to be honest) i constantly examine and re-examine episodes of my earlier life and so here is where I'm at today!

The only progress I can say with total honesty is that I now have interaction with a much wider range of friends (yes friends me with my reputation) I'm not the insular teenager I turned into (as a child I was quite open to friendship) although my fragile ego (ah come on boys and girls I blog and publish my own books even I know I have some kind of ego) gets shattered a number of times over the years, it has not shaped me in a negative way, unfortunately progress is usually short lived because each and every deflation (oooh that sounds so rude) was usually followed by an aggressive assertive ego building session (doesn't sound like me)to make me a more resilient replacement/ass-hole (delete as you feel appropriate) son, soldier, lumberjack, ass-hole, drunk, husband, writer, divorced, ass-hole, drunk, stand up type of guy, husband, father, hard worker, ass-hole etc etc (you get the picture)  not that I have studied my life cycle much!

Success, failure they are in actuality just false selves because they are just fleeting moments in our existence, with no real substance or permanence and yet we carry them with us for eternity (damn when did I ever get this deep?) so where does this leave me? ego less ....yeah right I'm still blogging hahahahaha (and tonight I take over the world hahahahaha), but then it struck me like a bolt from the blue what if I am not a name but a number .....24626445 if your interested!

There you go even in a tight corner I can waffle for my country and pull a blog out of nowhere, I'm counting down until I start my holiday next Friday night and praying that my pay rise is in the bank otherwise you could see a very depressing blog next Friday night but until then play nice and watch the skies there will be another blog along before then ....Toodles!      

Computer God

I don't know about you or your good self but I believe that my character flaws (go on we all have them) are so deeply embedded that they actually make up the bulk of my DNA, it gives me freaky thoughts (no surprise there then) sometimes I dream that I am an organic based computer that has had the wrong operating system installed (like some doofus has installed Windows XP into an Apple mac) so consequently any information that is collected and turned into data doesn't make any sense (bit like my life so to speak) so nothing in reality reflects the the true....reality! (good stuff eh?) typical man  shouts the wife from the other castle....see what I mean!

For example when I walk into a room populated with regular people and they are sitting chatting and generally having a great time, when all of a sudden somebody chuckles or gives out one great big belly laugh (now this is where the software isn't compatible....are those bastards laughing at me?) I hate them all instantly   then somebody in my group of peers (I am a god I have no peers!) and I go into survival mode, because I'm not good enough (that bloody software again) damn is that one of my flaws or is it in my DNA ...hahahahaha who really cares?

Now at times usually when I'm in a downward spiral.....what do you mean every other day!  (me with my reputation)  these flaws could potentially send me off on one and cause pain and desolation wherever I might roam,not only to myself but to the entire population. In one of those rare moments of clarity (sometime back in 27-4-1991) i realised that these problems are indeed part of my damn DNA! The trick now is to try and overcome these failings/flaws or just pure charm (hahahaha) whatever you might want to call them, before some software savvy person/geek  analyst sends me back to the factory as faulty (come on boys and girls follow the damn thread) I need to be able to prove that I'm not the centre of the whole damn universe (hang on a second what do you mean I'm not!) and that me and my issues shouldn't really take precedent over anything, And then my software kicks in and says"error error windows has encountered an issue and needs to reboot! you are not worthy, you are not loved, it's at that moment I say to myself "sod this why should I listen to the wrong software in the wrong bloody machine! I then put myself into sleep mode (again the wife shouts no surprise there then as she rides her unicorn across the lake in the front garden) before I crash the entire system!

Now before anybody sends for the loony tunes this blog has been written in a jolly mood (no I have no idea why either!) I have just gone with the flow so what can I say, there it is more mindless drivel courtesy of me! enjoy and coming soon will be more depressing drivel written to a soundtrack of some grind-core, instead of the medieval minstrel music I have been playing tonight, be good and enjoy life when you get the chance it's the blue sky that makes the difference you know until laters ........Toodles!

Alive and Kicking

After yet  another scurrilous attempt on my life, this time at the hands of my youngest (conspiracy theory 914) it's official I'm old, I slipped and fell (allegedly) in the shower this morning, I bellowed like a water buffalo that had been shot by Ted Nugent as he swings through the jungle, as I literally hit the tiles, the wife burst through the door like the emergency services that she is soon going to have to replace, to check my pulse or was it my pockets for the insurance documents (I don't have any!) at this moment in time I'm not really sure!

So I thought I would have a go at writing my own eulogy (well somebody has to so why not me?) and besides at this rate one of them is going to succeed sooner rather than bloody later! (I ain't getting any younger you know). I just think that if I want something nice said about me maybe just maybe I should write it myself, Okay so I'm not a bad person (well I have to say that don't I it's a bloody eulogy) I never knowingly have done anybody harm, I have always meant well, despite all the things that I (probably) need forgiving for (hey nobody's perfect) In my heart I know that I always meant well and that for my sins I will suffer worse than you guys could imagine. Those sins were probably driven by fear! (well that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it) fear of being unloved (who couldn't love me hahahaha) fear of poverty (well that one has happened so so no worries there then)fear of death itself, fear, fear, fear, fear....

What can I say I was influenced by a mother who was dealt a crap hand in the devil's game, driven by a chauvinist system designed not to help, just to keep the status quo (down down down) god knows what she had to deal with, far more than me and my brother were ever made aware of! For my family I have always tried to live up to her standards and have (probably) failed, I probably haven't had the relationship with my kids (could try harder) that I would love to have had (not that I think it's bad), that I attribute to the fear of being a bad provider, I will end on that note as I can't (sob) go on there is nothing to fear but fear itself......oh and acts of random violence, lethal diseases and tragic accidents!

Which now brings me back full circle to the bloody ninjas (did you all think I had gone off the reservation and got serious there hahahahaha) that are out there trying to kill me don't you worry I shall dance through their deathly traps and persevere and with that prediction I'm out of here bitches and hell fire I'm on a roll numbers are fab so watch the skies and wait for something soon  until then the cunning plans keep on piling up....Toodles!

Power of Suggestion

I had a teacher (all those years ago) a certain Miss Ward (last year of Juniors) who taught me that procrastination is the thief of time  (me procrastinate ...never, show me some blue sky mind you and I might day dream, but procrastinate mmmmm let me think on that one!) It's a saying that I have never forgot one of the few things that has for some reason stuck with me, I will admit that although I do remember it I have never really learned the lesson and put the teaching to good use (me with my reputation) either, here we are on a Sunday with me needing to write a blog that really should have been published this morning and here I am procrastinating!

Miss Ward also told me that only I could actually do the work required to get me through, if I wanted to play the fool then life would at some point surely bite me in the ass(I'm paraphrasing as it is over thirty five years ago)of course me being me I have always had the tendency to think that everything will be fine and dandy (oh how wrong was I on that particular train of thought!) the only person who would really suffer in the long term would be me! so it appears that I really do tend to suffer as I really do have a tendency to procrastinate!

Miss Ward also tried to teach me (and the rest of the class I wasn't really that gifted) to think for ourselves (oh dear) for us to try and have the courage to be unique and to be true to ourselves, to rebel against conformity ( I have no problem with that particular instruction) I don't really remember that much of my year with Miss Ward mind you I do struggle to remember what I did earlier on in the day but she did plant certain things in my head that stay with me to this day (my love of writing being one) she did try and teach us something life changing every Monday on the little blackboard behind her desk and she would put those words of wisdom up there and leave them there for the entire week, it has just dawned on me that after all these years the reason she did that was because we looked at that little blackboard the most because the class clock was right beside it and so the information that she was trying to force into our tiny little minds was drip fed to us! the sneaky little madam! I wonder where she is now and how many other dumb ass minds she influenced by that little trick.

So there you go I shall procrastinate no more and I shall knuckle down and type up a blog.....oh hang on a minute how the hell did that happen damn it those teachers where more sneaky than we ever dared to imagine, until the next time Toodles

Tea for one

I really do need to make a list of all the song titles I have used as I really haven't got a clue if I am just going round and round in circles!

Yes this is a song title and I have used it as a certain friend in Germany is under the delusion that this band still cut the mustard after all the years away....trust me they were shite then and they are shite now thank god the vocalist realises this and will not inflict us anymore punishment, not bad for a band who have done nothing in thirty plus years but still make the members around twelve million dollars a year (in this day and age) so they must have done something right at some point.(what the hell do I know give me Hellenbach any day of the week!)

The title refers to the fact I have been trying to prise one English pound out of my wife's hands so I can go buy some decent tea and not the decapitated (yes I meant to say that) crap that the rest of the household drinks, I could kill for a proper brew ah well three weeks and waiting! maybe next week! I'm sat here typing away because Junior is kicking off after a day with no afternoon nap and the wife has gone upstairs with a boat hook to try and get him back into his cage (I told you to but his water bottle back on the cage) I am finally back on an even(ish) keel after a couple of weeks of general apathy and loathing and a good dose of paranoia for good measure, nothing major as I had said in previous blogs just a general malaise that had me in a deep deep funk! hopefully fingers crossed the goodwill in my tiny little heart will stay there.

Work as always is like a bloody battlefield and honestly if I didn't love what I do for a living lord knows what would happen, as some of the wooden tops I have to deal with staff as well as clients is just unreal! how we on our little island were ever considered great sometimes does escape me hahaha but hey ho lets not go there, I have in my possession a slight beam of happiness I can't deny it it's only chance to survive, it's like a tractor beam of misery so lets see if we can indeed escape from its Vulcan death grip!

Little saplings of writing are stirring so hopefully there could be some good stuff in the pipeline, I have three weeks until I have some time off,  so lets just keep the plates spinning and then a week of serious writing to do! I have been neglecting my duties of compiling all the stuff that I have thrown in my "ideas" file so I need to get to grips with it and see what on earth I can trawl out of there, some of the stuff requires me to have a go when totally happy, as you all know sometimes you have to wait to pull those particular fish from the stream! I think the fact that I have little rays of joy is the fact that Lady J has sprung a little do for my (ahem) birthday, I don't really do anything for this as its just another day (closer to death hahahaha) and I can't actually ever remember doing anything special for this anniversary of my birth I usually take the time off as I don't really understand why people say "happy birthday" and the such like again its me and emotions I suppose at some point I will have to connect with these meddlesome feelings and go with the flow (when I'm about 50ish) and for once I'm looking forward to interacting with that small band of people that I do love to interact (oooh I suppose they are what you call friends...OOOPS!) with hahaha so watch this space as there just might be a tale or two coming this way.

Back to the work front in the trenches I am hoping that there will be some small victories in amongst the blood and snot but I have had my hopes dashed before so I will not hold my breath for too long, having said that if I get screwed again I do believe a killing spree has been ordered for an early morning slot on pay day if it doesn't do what it says on the box! now this will be the last one for a while that is doom and gloom (ish)
I intend to mine some of the previously mentioned nuggets so that I can keep some of you happy little bunch exactly that....happy!

My grand novel (yes that dreary idea) has had a major revamp with the central character becoming .......female! a better twist for what is intended, nearly twelve years in development and at this late stage I go and change the main character no wonder the thing is stewing in development hell, but I'm sure I can finally  get going on it, it should be fun I have the story (and have had for quite a while) it's just the glue I can't find, and after several false starts where I soon realise that I'm actually writing it (rather badly) in other peoples styles, so hopefully after a number of small books I hope that I have developed my own style I just need to point it that away and crack on, so that's all my cunning plans and hopefully a happier person in the making and not a bitter twisted little troglodyte sitting under a bridge, watch this space if somebody in Germany espousing the wonders of a dodgy band can set me off on a rant like this imagine what I can manage when I'm just a little bit happy! that's me done and dusted until the next one, play nice and don't eat all your Halloween sweeties, you know that it will just make you sick, that's me out of the door for now.....Toodles!

I have turned into Gene $immons.

Now we all know that cannot be the case as Gene has copyrighted just about anything to do with himself and why the hell not,  it's his he can do what the hell he wants with Gene, good luck to him and all those that sail with him!

I'm really reluctant to use my blogs to plug the sale of my (wonderful) books, now that doesn't mean I won't do it (if I don't do it Gene $immons has threatened to sue me) It's just that I'm reluctant to, or maybe's I'm apathetic (see previous blog) or even in two minds who knows?who cares? who actually gives a rats ass? (answers to idontgivearattsass.com) on one hand it seems more than just a bit shameless to ask you good people to spend your hard earned pennies on a wonderful creation (by those lovely people at Blurb.com) filled with amusing stories and witticism, each page could be torn from its bindings and framed as if it was from the book of sod it (that well known unpublished bit from the bible or the racing news I forget which)  mind you it could be just the thing for when you are hanging around at the airport (you know who you are) or even for that special someone in your life (in my case the bank manager) who already has the latest wonder device from Apple or is it Banana I get so easily confused these days!

Of course the new book will be mainly items from this blog, I always attach previously unreleased material to the latest release and hide it at the back so that you can't read it for free (Uncle Gene has taught me well) as well as the new material there will be the usual controversies (and no the R word is not mentioned, actually that could be a lie as its been hot to trot since August and I struggle to remember what I did this morning never mind last year hence this blog) but that will not be the reason not to buy it, again why would you not buy it? it could just be the most perfect toilet reading matter that you need (it is after all recyclable so might have more than one use). You can't say no, there are five lovely editions number six is sitting at the starting grid and number seven has not been completed because why the hell should I if I can get the other buggers published  follow my lead boys and girls for the love of Pete! (Pete who the F*** is Pete?).

Take it from me, don't suffer don't let apathy rule your life! enjoy the clarity of free thought and the sense of wonder that comes from being a person who knows what they want! and you want to get on line and order five copies of each beautiful.........oh wait the meds have kicked in!

Ah sorry I was channelling the God of Thunder himself, but I felt the need to get out from underneath the rock that we call life, I'm fine and dandy (thank you for all your kind words) I have to admit to being a tad lonely in my own little world but tthe kind people of the interwebby thingymabob have helped I hope this goes some way to make up for the piece of shit I posted last night but hey ho I had to do it just to say I had posted something! so watch the skies I promise to deliver some bits and pieces this week otherwise I might just go mad, as Freddy Mercury used to say "spare him his life for his Pork Sausages" or some other such malarky live life like you want to and I will see you here sooner or later for more drivel same choas same medication so until then ....Toodles!

Oh and while I remember yes Nils you did get the last blog right please believe me as far as I'm aware there is no song (I should really Google this before saying its a fact) with the title "I have turned into Gene $immons"

Falling off the edge of the world

This will be a hit and run, not humorous and not a whinge as such it is what it is, pay day has been and gone and now just waiting for the next one, not happy not sad (what's  the point anyway) life goes on but the blog well that will have to wait for another day I am still alive and well .....or so I'm told, but there is a log jam I have hundreds of ideas just not the inclination to do anything serious (or witty) rather than post the previous blog that stipulated that I would repost when I had nothing to say. I can't even be bothered to do that until the next time time .....Toodles!

Somewhat Damaged

Ok so I lied, well no that's not true either I do indeed have a humorous (allegedly) blog awaiting in the wings, something I had been polishing but a sudden deviation from the path of enlightenment sent me scurrying back towards the darkness. The work week really had been annoying and I felt like the United Nations trying to put down insurrection down where ever it popped up and it wore me down, Having Junior staying all the time is wearing me down as well (I'm an old man and I need my peepy byes) I love the little rascal to bits but in my eyes do the crime do the time.

Then on Friday the world turned and I didn't, I wasn't my usual Mr Misery but he was standing there behind me (at this point I feel the need to tell some of you who don't know me, Melancholy is the word I would use to describe me, not what the wife would but yes what I would use) and it did not take long before he was sat on my shoulder and the shit just kept on coming and although I knew I had promised the world a blog I hated the world with a vengeance that I simply couldn't lie and post it and have the world think that I was happy (I wasn't and I didn't care who fucking knew).

It was a million and one things and nothing in general (as always) but there was a large portion of hatred (Mr Misery's best friend and right hand man) sitting in my heart and when I'm there in that mood I know the heartache I will cause just by doing some verbal destruction, I know my moods and I try not to inflict them on the  world (at that time in space) but blogging was not the best thing to do. and that's where I am at the moment and although I feel the need to explain, Mr Misery has brought his sleeping bag and appears to be staying for a few days so writing as much as its cathartic is being stopped as it's just feeding the demon at the moment, and I want to be in charge of my life not being driven by emotions that will cause nothing but heartache to all concerned.

This does not mean that the blogs are stopping (or any of the writing in general) but this time and moment in the universe is poisonous to my general well being and yes family (sorry Mrs) and friends have been helping through the various media formats but for now this is me somewhat damaged and annoyed with life the universe and everything, saying that for now I'm having a sit down you lot go on I intend to catch up when I feel a bit better so until then ......Toodles!

Mr Scary

So many things going on in my head writing wise, spinning so fast that I haven't been able to pull one out and to get it sorted and in reality this one is way late so lets go with he flow and let me tell you about work, life and the universe so far this week.

The house is full of sick and invalid peeps in one way or another and it's going with the flow and actually trying to help those war wounded that has taken up the bulk of the week, what with a poorly old man of the house, sickly wife, pukey baby and finally the youngest went down like she had been shot, there has been a few plates spun on the home front this week. The week at work has been with no appointments was meant to be a much calmer and chillaxing attitude (you can see where this is going can't you?) well it went horribly wrong and although I generally do try to help and be a nice guy some people have a tendency to mistake kindness for weakness, wrong move I go from Mr Nice Guy to full on Mr Scary in about 5 seconds these days, my tolerance level for bullshit just tips me over the edge in a split second.

Multiple pissing competitions have ensued since getting to work and as always details will not be gone into lets just say I went off like I had been dropped out of Enola Gay over Japan in 1945 and Mr Scary informed those about me "I'm not here to be popular but to do a job of work", I'm not a person who wants to be part of the political issues that the other nuggets revel in, I go to work to do my job to the best of my ability and not to get pissed off by little dictators who think because they have a title that they are above me (oh how I laughed long and hard in their face at that little bundle of Joy). I wish I had been there when a number of staff pleaded with this dick not to do something that would piss me off, or even when they said "you really should not have done that!" cue one embarrassed dick who stayed at his desk all day and basically kept out of my way...sweet joy!

A number of clients (that's me being polite) who somehow managed to get off their meds and thought I was taking the piss when in actual fact after a lot of hard bargaining had got them a service contract that should be just over £600 but I had managed to get the company to do it for less than a third and these lunatics thought they were being taken for a ride, cue bills for nearly £1000 and even more sheepish looks when I call in and be nice to them, but the thing that tipped me completely over the edge was thankfully a clerical error which thanks to some fancy footwork we were able to avoid blood being spilled somebody tried to change my radio call sign! WTF I have been the same call sign for twenty six years and the one they tried to change me to would have the stench of the Prince of Darkness all over it thankfully crisis averted I was able to breath again.

I'm being tied to a desk (and not in a good way) more and more each day, I was still answering my emails at two this afternoon, not a great turn of events, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day (hahahahaha) so many possibilities to send me off to the land of rage (Hulk smash puny humans) and I really must learn to control my attitude to the world of stupidity, my Phone contract (and the wife's) is up, so tomorrow we go to sort out new phones with me getting bog standard piece of crap and the wife going over to the dark side and joining the Nanny state (E will get that one ....tee hee!) so all my baby organs will be offered up to pay for the bloody things, what the wife's heart desires is usually payed for by cutting my heart out, truth be told she has waited patiently for four years so for once lets give her something to smile about (that's her something to smile about hahahaha) she has had just as shitty a week as I have mind you at some point I would like something nice to happen for me just once I don't mind ....just once!

I'm hoping that the rest of the week shall proceed with spectacular nothingness and for it to fade as I'm aware next week is going to be mental with a capital M! with being back on peasant transport as well things could go either way, I would like to be able to get up and to be able to toddle off to work without being the bloody Samaritans, unlike this morning when I answered my phone to a suicidal  co worker whose mother had just suffered from a heart attack, I have to ask the question do I really look like I give a Fuck ! I'm not heartless but all I could do was calm him down and point him in the right direction (news update the lady survived and is sitting upright in bed!) and that's my tale of woe so far. I do have a thread of an idea in which I need to nurture and polish just a tad (hopefully Friday) which again is meant to be a tad more humorous, next week is D-Day for my pay rise and it still hasn't been confirmed and that's all that's holding up the next book which has been sat hot to trot for nearly two months (calm down E it's my career choice!) watch for fireworks on the 25th if it's not sorted.

So enjoy, spread the word and nobody even tried the name game last time around and no I ain't going to tell you, have a guess and this one is me being lazy because I randomly chose after writing the first part until the next time watch the skies and live life like like you want to!....Toodles!

Pages Of Old

From what little I know of pre-history, man and woman roamed the earth for hundreds and thousands of years, probably in small tribes, maybe two hundred or so people in a group. During all of this time all the collective wisdom was handed down mouth to mouth in the oral tradition (calm down you perverts). All the things that you needed to know in order to survive as a human, it was either shown or told to you in an old age kind of parrot fashion.Whether it was to find a boy or a girl (whatever you're preference was/is)how to have sex, have a baby, raise your family, deal with your neighbours how to find shelter, water and food.How to care for the elderly and sick, bury your dead. How to fight to protect your own, work sing dance get fucked up (even in the good old days they knew how to party) play twister..... ....what do you mean that they didn't have twister? and generally just interact (in a good way) with good old mother earth!

Now its at this moment in time I must say that I find the term pre-history, not only hilarious but truly fucked up! as to suggest that bugger all happened before five thousand years ago must surely put you into (must resist the R word) creationist territory (damn I see death threats ahead again) I suppose nothing freaky happened until we actually stood up and wore clothes!

Any way I'm led to believe that this might have gone on for just a tad, and all was good and stable, peace on earth and all that jazz, but then with a hop and a skip and a massive jump forward the need for more food and therefore more land to actually grow the food that was required, we allegedly moved forward, well then the old ways started to disappear, Our ancestors started to huddle together in larger groups in villages, towns and finally cities.Soon the precious knowledge that had been passed down with that great oral tradition and informed those groups started to be written down and not all people could read. The skills soon began to fade.and that priceless identity with it. The happy life that came with it faded with the lifestyle itself! So what are we left with now I hear you ask (damn those voices in my head!) not alot really when you consider except a self destructive paranoid species, who has grown more flawed with each passing generation. I happen to think because we don't have to remember anything but the pertinent things we will continue our inevitable fall from grace!

Oh and while it's in my head why don't you just pop over to Blurb.com and buy (ooops did you lot really think I had gotten serious all of a sudden....suckers!) my books that just so happen to be filled to the brim of that wisdom that used to be passed down orally from  our peers, but has been written down to preserve it for upright reading population of planet earth, now hurry along as all of these books are limited editions of 100000000000 copies each.

Wow two mid week blogs on the trot that are I think heading towards a sense of humour, please don't tell anyone they might expect it all the time! and yes for all of you who still partake, the name game is still play get this one suckers, until the next time ...Toodles!

The Ecstasy Of Gold

Well sometimes you have to mix it up a tad so the song title is from a film soundtrack and like this blog some will be good some will be bad and some will be down right ugly so buckle up boys and girls it is going to be a bumpy ride!

Let's get the bad out of the way the little doggie is in a poorly way and it is affecting most in the household, which trickles down to other things, it's not good but all we can do is point the boat in the right direction and hope for the best, I have a fancy it's going to be a shit load worse before it gets any better, but that's not why you are here so lets crack on and get to some of the good and as always to the ugly!

As always we were on a schedule and for once we actually made it to sunny South Shields bang on time, yes I know I was suprised myself on the way down I had to insist that the bad vibes were stored in the boot, as we had waited an age for this night out and I wanted everybody on the happy train! we set off while the wife tried to something with technology (and it didn't work) but we managed to get to our mode of transport without any major incident (OK so G needed to pee and wouldn't use a tree but we managed to resolve that issue) we paid our pennies to get onboard  (just as well as the revenue bods got on board and checked our tickets like naughty children that we are) darkness fell in the time it took to get from A to B, and we were aware that winter was peaking over the brow of the hill, we jumped into the Castle Mile and met with Lady J and had a quickie (oooer) in there, it made the Percy look like a Celebrity hangout, there were more pigs in there than they have at the meat counter in Asda! And they all looked if they had gone through the red cross bins for the clothes they didn't want, where were the fashion police when you need them? we came we saw we took the piss before heading to the venue to find out what time the band were on stage.

Time sorted we headed to The Star (which was rammed) so we remembered Rafferty's around the corner and we were soon absconced with beers and E wanting to break some young boy in the corner, just wrong so wrong hahaha, Marty turned up with others and the conversation took a worrying turn about a boat some bands and a holiday, I could see the look in the wife's eyes turning cloudy thankfully none of my organs have grown back from our Vegas Jaunt, as much as we would love to it's a firm no all the way no no no (OK watch this space....NO) drinks drunk and young boys left unmolested we headed to the venue to find that we were upstairs in the small room (damn and blast my knees have taken a beating this week) and when we got up there the room was packed, this wasn't looking good, however we managed to get our usual spot just off from the bar and settled to watch the band moving our feet every ten seconds so not to get pulled into the mire that they call a carpet! (and we all know this isn't the page for reviews.mmmmm I might do a blog page for gigs now there's an idea!) But the band played an hour of good old fashioned hook laden classic rock with a good looking singer and a guitar player (called Pepe!) who had studied the entire book of Edward  Van Halen poses, trust me you do not have to play every solo with the guitar in the air and smiling like a retard! there were more males in the crowd than I thought would be, and the polite young man who pushed past us was actually the bass player (what a nice chap)  the girls all swooned when (Ollie that's the singer girls as most of you didn't know didn't care and actually how many of you actually knew what the song titles were?)the singer took off his top twice although I do believe others were lusting after the drummer in a pirate and whench kind of thing and no it wasn't G! The hour was over very quickly and again I had to descend far too many stairs, we all collected together found Mr Curry and finally headed into the Star for a well deserved drink (woo hoo) The wife had to enquire on the health of the Kraken (because of the little doggie) and there were tears, Lady J came to the rescue as we headed off to Lick Your Hoop!

Once there after a forced march by Mr Curry I realised I wasn't going to be able to get up the stairs, so drinks were purchased and we let the madness begin hahahaha, G up this point had been very restrained (maybe the medication took longer to wear off tonight) more peeps turned up, many who I didn't know, but I still joined in and the crack was at times fierce, a ladies age was a competition we would normally not bring into question turned out to be 61 the usual response from everybody was F*** NO! hahahaha although I didn't get to speak to the lady directly we are lead to believe G spent the rest of the evening asking "how old are you really?" the evening took a weird twist at some point with the wife shouting at another personage "come over here if you think you're hard enough" really I have to take her everywhere twice the second time usually to apologise. At some point a well known Gambler turned up because he thought we had been to the Mini  Mayfair and showed us his stamp for getting back in, which then set off the master forgers amongst us to try and replicate the design like some demented vision on programme.

In the end we went we paid our money and then sat back and watched all of the freaks in attendance and I will admit to sitting watching sad old men head banging with no hair, those that had it, had too much so could not do their full moves, did I dance did I hell I sat and then worked out how to do notes on my phone so that I would have some form of memory of all the things that I knew I would forget most of the time anyway, E as always went all suspicious on me ( I have no idea why hahaha). My main problem with the Mini Mayfair was the fact 99% of the songs played we had just listened to in LYH and there was an abundance of annoying people I had to deploy the thousand yard stare a couple of times to people who were being mega annoying! also the Ladies kept insisting on licking their phones for some reason and whenever the name Ollie was mentioned somebody (whose name begins with an E) kept going Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy, oh dear a certain welder with the body of a racing snake could be in trouble (well he was but not in the way we thought) as I continued to take notes some of the blog came straight off the assembly line fully formed and others I just knew would need a little polishing.

At this rate though I was going to end up with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome with all the writing I was doing on my phone (oops) I very nearly missed watching ( I wish I had thought of whipping out the camera) Skinny Dave drinking bottled water (WTF) I had to drown my eyes in Jack as I wasn't certain as to what I had seen. the night drew to a close and some of us (you just know this is going to get ugly) headed for the exit, G didn't he had been at the petrol (his wife's words not mine and if anybody should know it really ought to be her) it took some deft mastering to get him outside (oh and some loud shouting) we tried to get a taxi for five but were foiled at every turn, we finally managed to flag a cab down but had lost our resident gambler so piled in and headed for the harbour of home! at this point G scrambled in to the front seat and then our problems really started because you could see that that the driver was wishing he had jumped out at the Tyne bridge and dropped and rolled as he had to endure about twenty five minutes of G in full drivel mode which to me and the wife as always is hilarious because he means no harm, but if you don't know him lets just say its like being in a Salvador Dali Painting .....slightly surreal! we arrived at the Hotel Jagermeister (or the Prancing Pony if we wish to offend our hostess) we set off for bed but I was disturbed to find a wet suit hanging in our room if I had discoverd a gimp mask on the pillow I would have been sleeping under the bloody van!

As I drfited off to sleep I did hear G being told off(yet again) by the lady of the house and her pussy being spoken to in a stern voice oh the joys of good friends and strong alcohol, the night as I knew even with the tribulations as always was a resounding sucsess a few teething problems along the way and the wife in a "lets Kill em all" kind of mood was just what the doctor ordered, and a certain melancholy sort of crept over us as we drove home knowing that it could be a while (depending on our cunning plans) before we are able to do what we did this weekend, I do know that I had a tremendous time with all the people I connected with over this weekend (some new friends some old friends)and just wish it could continue on a regular basis because it really does stop me being a misreable git! the week ahead is filled with toil and trouble and I fear for the wifes sanity hopefully I will be there to pick up some of the slack in a troublsome time for her.

A great weekend with only a few hiccups it doesn't take too much to cheer me up but lets flow with the go and I know two biggies in two days is a drain on that muscle I call a brain. I will do a smaller version in the midweek (I do have some thoughts but we shall see) I think I need to find a good looking female so that I can lick my phone like the ladies do (thats sounds just wrong ) until the next time watch the skies.....incoming Toodles!