Back again so soon, I know to be honest I could have
posted this on Sunday as I was actually writing this as I was posting the last
blog, Sunday was quite busy with an abundance of ideas falling out of my head
like money from my pockets, hang on that doesn’t make sense I never have any
money!
Firstly though, thanks to everybody who not only read
the first blog of the year but left some wonderful comments and ………. Nils got
the name game, anyway I wander off the beaten track as per usual let’s try and
stay on track………………………... Incoming!
I keep thinking of the subject of friendship not in a
soppy kind of way, I do just think of old friends more as I get old, I believe
I have a different take on friendship than what other appear to have, now I’m
not saying that I’m better just …………. Different! I may be wrong let’s dissect
this.
If I haven’t seen anybody in a while, be it really old
friends or relative new comers to the friendship game, I always treat them the
same way, as though I just saw them yesterday, if I’m a friend I’m a friend for
life (this is where I think I differ from some others) there are people who I
went to school with who were very dear to me and I haven’t seen them since, but
I would treat them as though it really was just yesterday since I have seen
them, this sometimes gets a strange reception, probably because I’m not the
moody little shit I was at school (allegedly) but I have a tendency to think
that friendship and respect are a two way street, you need one to get the
other, no friendship no respect, get my drift?
Some old friends I have no interaction with
whatsoever, I know where they are and they know where I am, now some of these
individuals come wearing a mask of smiles, they have indeed changed over the
years, I have no issue with this, people mature, change, grow up whatever you
want to describe it. Now some of this could be my issue, I moved back to
Gimpsville after about 13 years away from the delta, I made the effort to come
back and see people, they didn’t make the effort, maybe I simply as close a
friend as I thought I was, again I have no issues with this life moves on, I’m
not saying that they dislike me, but I get the distinct impression they think
that I’m no longer their friend, the truth couldn’t be further from the truth.
Then again, they may have turned into arrogant bores, not me, because I’m
perfect, please understand that last bit was a joke……...OK!
Who is right who is wrong I have no idea, and I
suspect I will climb into that wooden box on my last day not knowing, some
probably have forgotten all about me (I’m talking about school friends) I will
never know, as there isn’t a great deal of social interaction between us,
sometimes (I’m not a stalker) when peoples names pop up on Farcebook as a
suggested person I might know, I will have a look at their friends and its
funny people who didn’t like each other back in the day are best buddies now,
no I’m not jealous just curious?
As a rule, I don’t ask people for friendship on
Farcebook (it’s like I’m too proud to beg) but I rarely say no when asked, I
would be crushed if they said no, or worse still just ignored the request, best
not to go down that dusty road, slights and age old muck racking might not be
best for one’s ego (we all have one) I do have some friends who I have had for
nearly 40 years (yes I am that old) we collide at various functions/shopping or
simply crossing the road, but that is simply the only interaction (that makes
me think they don’t like me….. me paranoid surely not) it’s not helped with my
crap eyesight I swear some people think I’m stuck up, that would be a no, simply
blind!
We have the Shields Posse who we love dearly however
this past year has conspired to kick us while we are down and to keep kicking
(its been a really shit year) we must endeavour to play out more this year I
have no idea how, but we simply must, at times the house does feel like a
prison. I miss all my old friends, from school, work, trips away, pen pals all
the above, I simply miss the craic (or is that what the problem is lol) I miss
the banter, some people have popped up recently and have expressed surprise my
response, maybe I have simply grown and not realised it…………. WTF! Was I really
that much of a dick, self-examination is not recommended, damn I’m glad I don’t
drink anymore, I would be suicidal………...NOT!
The more I think of it, it would appear that I must
have been a really annoying twat, I don’t know if you don’t tell me, ah back to
the simple ignoring the person in the vain hope I go away, was that an actual
huge sigh of relief when I actually moved away, it is what it is. Again, I
don’t understand how friends drift like that, or am I just over thinking it, I
do get more maudlin regards this subject when I ponder, I’m not depressed
(there’s a surprise) its just so easy to wrap yourself up in the wings of
solitude and it’s a long hard road to come back from that diversion once taken.
I know I’m just as guilty as anybody else I also know
that the longer I leave it, the smaller my circle of friends gets, this is what
old age does to you, I’ll start reading obituary columns next, well maybe not,
it would be nice to know that people who actually played a huge part in my life
even if they don’t realise it, were able to climb over the wire and head
towards sunrise! It would help if I had a sunnier disposition, I’m getting
really good at fooling myself, so if you do know me and you are/were a friend,
say hello, the only reason I might be ignoring you is the fact that I’m as
blind as a bat, say hello and brighten an old mans day, a man who it would appear likes to look back on
yesterday with rose tinted glasses, but until then Toodles!
