Yes the name game is as always in play!
These
things don’t write themselves anymore, it would appear I have to do a lot of
polishing of a turd to get here.
I’m hoping
to keep this one as short and sweet as possible, keep some lightness in it as I’m
sure that the majority of you are as sick as I am with regards the piles of
misery, I seem to be good at producing, I have started this particular blog a
number of times over the last few weeks to no avail, I haven’t been happy with
the content or the feel of the various attempts so far, but any way here goes
the final blog of the year, lets try and go with the flow.
Time has
moved on and the world kept turning, the wife got the dreaded Co Vid and she
was/is in a bad way, although she has returned to nearly normal cheery self, it
was 10 days of dread, I was concerned as it appears a number of people who I have
written about have succumbed to the awful disease, a long conversation with a
person from my past confirmed more than a dozen old friends have passed because
of it, to say I was in shock was an understatement, to say that my head was
spinning would be quite the understatement.
Work has
been simply work, although the pace of my days were slug like, I am not
enjoying the one thing that seemed to bring me cheer, The Christmas holidays
were upon us and I have sat and ate shite and drank stuff that will do me enormous
amounts of harm with scant regard for my health, as I sit typing this I am
coasting along on a high dose of sugar, well what does that matter, not a lot
in the grand scheme of things!
Death has
been in abundance as an older gentleman who guided me back in the day (when I dated
his daughter) was a bigger shock than I thought it would be, he guided me in politics
(when they meant something) and in the ways of doing what was right, I may not
have seen him in nearly 40 years but there wasn’t many days when I went over
what he taught me. Its strange what sticks with you over the years I hope at
some point I have inspired someone in the same way I doubt it but it was always
something to aspire to!
I had hoped
to steer myself on a straighter course these last few weeks but it would appear
I simply don’t care enough (at this particular moment in time) to want to fit
in with anyone or anything, me with my reputation, go figure! You only live
once, a common enough trope, but is it actually true, I have at some point been
a baby then a toddler, a child who tripped into adolescence, a young man
(allegedly) a middle-aged man heading God knows where at this particular moment
in time, just how close to my finishing line am i? digging even deeper I was at
some point a son (once to my knowledge) a husband (twice so far) a soldier, a lyricist,
a forestry worker, a friend (those days seems so far away) a patient (the older
I get the more times it would appear that I get to practice this one) a drunk (only
semi-professional) a wise guy (failed) a teetotaler (again a failure at this
moment in time) some might say at some point I have even been successful (not
that I can remember) so which one was my one true life, did I blink and miss
it, the endless hours of heartache are what I remember, I have a feeling if all
these versions of me were to meet they wouldn’t recognise anything of
themselves in any form!
At best
they would view each version of each as strangers, or worse still as idiots who
wasted the best part of the last 40 plus years! So maybe just maybe the real question
should be do we real only live once or do we die a number of times and are
reborn as a bigger idiot than before, food for thought or am I as usual
overthinking life and the universe!
My health
as been crap, not that I am helping myself (go figure) although I finally got
to see a specialist, I turned up slightly early (ok 90 minutes early and had to
sit outside) and was seen for a total of 4 minutes and told yes we will have to
investigate further (WT actual F) sometimes I don’t know why I bother, maybe I should
stop swimming against the tide and simply drown that seems to be the easiest
answer, maybe I will get some further investigations in another 3 years?
And then
the usual Christmas farce, to be honest I have tried really hard this year, I don’t
think I was 100% successful but at least I tried, the last blog did even better
numbers and the older blogs did just as well over the last four weeks as well, I
have no idea why, I’m not expecting this one to do huge numbers as I have two musical ones to follow (or I may
simply join them as a common thread) to follow within the next few weeks (14
days on countdown) that’s if I can muster the energy to do something with my
life, I’m still on holiday and I am still sat in a pool of self-loathing
waiting for the big fella to blast me with a bolt of lightning, fingers
crossed!
So I hope
that you all had a great time I hope you all got something that you liked I hope
you all have good health and the love of someone close to you, please don’t
worry about this old ship wreck I am believe it or not trying to pull myself
forward to be a better person (Allegedly) so place nice and look to the skies
for there shall be more incoming, soon! Until the next time stay safe………..Toodles!
