Life seems
to be toying with me still and is making sure that life the universe and all
other things in my sphere of influence is being kept at a distance, it’s been a
while and I am being harangued to blog, I must be loved, stick through the intro
because this is intended to a happy blog, well as happy as I am right here
right now, as always, I jump ahead let’s start at the beginning………...are you
all sitting comfortably, well let’s begin and let me take you back in time!
Where do I
start I suppose I better let you know that I am alive (only just) and have been
working my little tail off, incidents in the real world have meant my work load
has simply gone through the roof, one man doing the work……..no I promised I
wouldn’t go there, let’s just say I was a broken when I walked away in July,
and to be honest this is my first attempt in writing anything since then, so
this will be a tad bumpy so bear with me, I’m not even sure if I can do this
still, I will let you guys decide.
I was
unhappy really unhappy, out on the perimeters edge I just wanted to be free, I
wanted the world to stay away, a run of bad luck and although I do try and stay
as positive this was different, I felt strung out I was too tired to fight and
everybody did indeed feel like passing strangers, my twinkle was diminishing,
it really was that close. Thankfully I realised and pulled back from the
maelstrom and tried to return to an even keel, I’m not there yet but I’m also
not beat either………. go figure!
I was sick
of writing misery or at least that’s the way it felt my sanity was stretched
and I really did feel like I wanted to cause some serious damage and I didn’t
really care, and that’s not what it was about the wife and I simply had no good
life experiences this year to speak of, and I wasn’t in the mood to look back I
needed something positive, music soothed the savage beast however it could only
hold my temperament so much.
I retreated
away from as much of life as I could, I was unhappy with so many things I
simply wanted to disconnect because I had no point of reference, I don’t think
that many people were happy with me and I don’t blame them, and I kind of
understand why people have a tendency to keep their distance, especially
because of my moods, my skill set is limited and trying to kick start my broken
ass life sometimes takes a lot more than I can muster.
So I sat
and stared at life hating it, and everything in it I was grumpy (yes I know me
with my reputation) I hated Facebook and everybody’s perfect lives (don’t shout
at me I know that people have issues I was feeling sorry for myself ……for once)
I hated work I hated stupid people I hated people who I didn’t know and mostly
I hated me, the wife bless her kept hitting me with a stick to keep me in some
kind of semblance and we pottered on! , life was work and work was life as simple as
that, it’s all that filled my waking hours, I was able to retreat into the
nightmare that my sleep allows me to
have, I felt tattered and torn, I needed something to cheer me up, it didn’t
feel like it was going to happen anytime I got extra shifts dropped on to me
(which I do for nothing bless) now if you know me I love my job, however I
simply wasn’t feeling it, hence the mood swings.
So, the
wife was at work one Sunday and when she came in she saw me sat in my usual
combat shorts and grubby t shirt(well a man has to eat), I was told to get dressed as she wasn’t
staying in a minute longer than was absolutely necessary, I huffed and I puffed
but to no avail, and I was soon sat in the car slouched like the petulant child
I had turned into, I had been allowed to take an album with me, the wife is
usually suspicious so I went for something a little easy on the ears Queen – A
Day at The Races. The wife tried to make
polite conversation (what’s the matter with you? dumb ass!) she happened to
mention that it was somebody’s birthday
and yes I guessed it we were doing a sort of reunion of The Tee Hee
Club, I was no longer Mr Misery but I was scared oh so scared it had been over
eight months since we had seen our dear friends, and I was feeling giddy, I was
happy (so this is what it feels like) the journey was over in a blink of an
eye, we walked as quickly as good manners would allow us and soon we were back
with G & E (she’s a lady you know) and various others including Mr C and his
tales of beard biting (don’t worry I won’t bore you the discerning reader with
the gory details all you need to know is that Mr C won) much humor ensued both happy and
sick, G is now known as Gandalf of South Shields (thou shall not pass………….Kes!)
the birthday girl turned up with the master of the royal flight, more happiness
ensured including a picture of three buffoon’s (the public voted and that is
the official name move over the three tenors) only a few drinks and simply not
enough time to spend there (I was up at 04.30 the next morning for yes you
guessed it more work, what else would it be) the one thing I will take from the afternoon (well OK more than one
thing) firstly true friends don’t forget you, this is something I need to
remember, my problems are really none existent compared to many others who have
serious difficulties in their lives (suck it up buttercup), I was so happy to
see how much better E was (she’s a lady you know) so much better so perky and
back in charge of G, as we used to know it, this was simply the best medicine,
it was great to know that the Keg had resurfaced on G’s travels and that he had
suffered because of it, I also didn’t want to know about E’s toilet habits in
the camper van, all I can say is that you should go to bed before sunrise young
man!
The
afternoon flowed into early evening and it was about to be over as quickly as
it had begun, we said our goodbyes and I know I had a tear in my eye (or was it
hay fever) we were invited to tag along with the birthday girl for food and
wines, sadly finances and time was running out, we headed back to Gimpsville on
the wings of joy, we both really were happy ( a first in such a long time) the
drive seemed to stretch back into normal
time and in the dark I couldn’t shout salutations at the donkeys as we came
back to borders of this outland, I’m sure I went to bed with a silly grin on my
face with cunning plans to blog (because I had something to blog about for
once) I awoke at the silly time I had to, had my breakfast, got the black book
out and made some notes, as I was about to turn the laptop off it said upgrades
were about to happen, so I wandered off letting it strut itself, what could go
wrong?
Plenty,
when I came back that night from work, I felt the urge to blog that’s when karma bit me in the ass, I
couldn’t get on my blog page I then spiraled off into misery as I tried
everything that I could to reclaim all of my information, as I sit typing this, 7 days later I still haven’t, I hope that I can do some fancy foot work to get
this posted. Once again, I fall at the first hurdle with technology, the only thing that I am
positive about is that life will end sooner rather later, but I do also realise
is how wonderful my friends are and the fact that they put up with me and my
stupid moods is unbelievable. So, what do I have to
do is pick myself up and dust myself off, I’m not going to win every day I just
need to wait for the right day and let the wind in my sails take me to good
times.
Work didn’t
get any better peeps sticking their oars in where they aren’t needed, revenge
will be slow and very painful I dragged myself over the finish line and here I
am on holiday (not sure how that’s going to pan out) little things sticking me
like needles I’m not better, but I am better than i was, because I spent an afternoon with
some great people, yes I know we need to do it more often, but work and finances
keep being a pain, onwards and upwards, can you expect more blogs? yes you can
just not yet , I’m still a work in progress I’m not fixed just running less
raggedly, but the inspiration I have felt a lot better for doing this so who
knows it might be sooner rather than later, I intend to keep fighting, that’s
it done I’m not going to labour it, I have enjoyed it I hope you have as well and now
hopefully E (she’s a lady you know) will stop picking on me to blog, watch the skies until the
next time……………Toodles
And the man
in the mirror has sad eyes!
