This is the end OK so its just the end of the year so lets at least try and go out with a bang!
I have been such a busy bee not so sure that the wife is so happy with me but I have been really good but again as always I'm getting ahead of myself let me explain....
As per we were doing our good deed and we had the grandson and boy was he a handful, nothing malicious just an eleven month old full of beans he even woke me up through the night and that is nearly impossible (or at least that is what the wife reckons) but he was full of something and wasn't a happy camper so kicked and screamed the night away and the wife used all the tricks in her armoury and in the end we won (as if there was going to be any other kind of outcome) but because I was awake I got up as though it was a work and I did some reading (somebody's else's book not one of mine for a change) and generally kicked back and chilled until everybody else woke up a couple of hours later, we had a small breakfast and the wife took junior back to his mother and low and behold he was out like a light in the back of the car, I knuckled down to do some transcribing as I had discovered quite by chance a small portion of my original blogs from the original site (god they were.....uninspiring) but as a historical document to see how I have progressed as a writer (trust me after reading them i have progressed hahaha)they were quite interesting, I got on with the job in hand and I intend to publish them with the blogs from the blog I started after I deleted the original page, the book is to be called Conversations with Rollo and although its 99% complete I want to do a chapter at the end to round it all off, hopefully it should be published in April of the next year.
While I was at the quacks the wife had elected to go to my place of work and do a bit of last minute shopping and because of the traffic(hello it is the busiest week in the year)she rang me to complain grrr for fecks sake she can park in the service yards and yet still she complains (you guys have no idea of what abuse I have to put up with).
I was heading off for my annual MOT for the old body clock and it wasn't too bad I was told I had put some weight back on and it was expected (although nowhere near as much as I thought) so the main plan in the new year is to get healthier than I was last year (which because of my knees shouldn't be too hard) and to be a skinnier type of person, I hate going into the doctors as its like a casting call for the next season of the walking dead full of weird and not so wonderful people and a smattering of junkies who stand out like a junkie does I have the cure give them the purest form of whatever is their poison and hopefully it will kill them all of oops sorry I seem to have developed my wife's inside/outside voice trait.
I do have to admit to being ever so nostalgic reading the old blogs and this was before the Tee Hee Club had been named and shamed ah just call me sentimental (not dim twat like the wife does hahahaha) today is the wife's birthday and as usual we have nothing planned except a few chores (which we have done) we intended to run silent and to run deep but that wasn't to be, the wife was suffering last night night The previous night catching up on her so she trundled off to bed and me at a loose end and having no intention of heading to bed at the same time I ended up watching 6 back to back episodes of Broadwalk Empire which was cracking right up until the end (I didn't see that coming) and just as I was going to bed the Godfather part 2 was on (just when I try to get to bed the TV drags me back in hahahaha) only for the wife to wander downstairs at just after 2 AM to see if I had died (I'm worth more to her dead than alive) I shooed her back to bed and went with her. Her arm was still playing up she has been through the wars this last year hopefully this next one will be better for her.
As we were going about our chores the wife does her second most annoying thing "lets go out tonight for my birthday" fuck no she started doing this on Millenuim eve if she wants to go out organise it in advance to bitch and moan its not my fault that you were born between Christmas and new year all the bloody time 6 months of her saying that she doesn't want to go out and then 6 hours before bitch moan and twist, thankfully E came through with plans for news years eve but I reckon she will twist all the way to fecking midnight, we did our deeds going to the post office and the such like and while the wife was in line at Barclay's I sat down in one of the chairs(my knees although getting better still knack and will do until I start shifting some weight) all the while noticing an ominous stain in the chair next to me (shudder) we came out and did the usual to check that the robbing bastards had indeed deposited our money (one time it took three days from them doing it, cash mind you three days the robbing bastards) the guy in front kept getting told by the machine "you have reached your limit" it was funny watching the dumb ass go from ATM to ATM and being told the same message (isn't technology great) what a knob.
On the way back I was tempted by a great deal for a new laptop this one is tired after having nearly four years worth of abuse and the memory is tiny as I said I was tempted I haven't succumbed(yet) but so far I have been a good boy if the wife keeps winding me up you never know hahahahaha we popped in for something for a little light lunch because at the moment there's a small fecking ostrich in the oven (the wife's bargain bird) and as we came home we saw (sarcasm alert sarcasm alert) all these gorgeous young things in skimpy clothes done up like hamsters that had never been anywhere near an exercise wheel oops sorry couldn't resist and that is that for this year, hopefully next year the blogs will again become witty and urbane (they never have done before so why spoil the habit of a lifetime) and I have to admit although numbers are consistent they are nowhere near what the old blog was doing so, I have to rectify that, I'm sure it;'s do able, thank you for the kind comments its funny how people email me so I can only assume that they are from the old blog and are aware of the old redneck infestation, play nice and please spread the word the next book Foxtrot Oscar (with 100% all new material in it) will be ready in the new year, so with that I'm off to check the bloody ostrich Toodles!
Friday 30 December 2011
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Bright idea
Wow what a week so far I have been left alone and have wrote so much the new book is nearly done I reckon two more good chapters and its hot to trot and I have to admit I'm trying to reign in my wild extreme thoughts and I'm going to stick at six yes you heard right six ideas for books including a photo log book which will only be available to members of The Tee Hee Club and hopefully all published in the next 18 months, hopefully i won't offend to many people (like i give a.....actually i just might) i have had a great time in the last twelve weeks writing my little cotton socks off and hopefully the blogs will return to a better standard once i can get the first book out because the next one after that needs some attention (it's feeling left out at the moment and is sulking on a memory stick somewhere) but the good news is I completed a chapter and other bits and pieces for Foxtrot Oscar and completed a chapter for Piffle Waffle & Balderdash the one after and got started on the photo log book so yes I have been a busy little bee.
I feel a tad guilty that the blogs on here are not up to the standard that I normally do but there is only so much time in a day that I can work on my little ideas and then I have to polish them to a nugget (hey who knew you can indeed polish a turd) believe it or not these aren't just fired off the hip (what do you mean they might be better if they were hahahaha)but there is light at the end of the tunnel and its not an oncoming train(for once)
what do I intend to do tonight and tomorrow well I have every intention of doing as much writing as possible then to polish what I do because when I go back to work I might only be able to blog at weekends because I have so much worked stacked up it's unbelievable, but hey ho those are the breaks when you are off for nearly 4 months and nobody to do your work it sort of comes to a grinding halt sooner rather than later, so onwards and upwards watch the skies the difficult second (album) book is very nearly complete and I hope to have done and dusted and in your grubby little mitts as soon as I possibly can so until the next time Toodles!
......whose bright idea was it to set me off with the writing bug i ought to give a big girly kiss.....OI Harrison come here you big Galoot!
I feel a tad guilty that the blogs on here are not up to the standard that I normally do but there is only so much time in a day that I can work on my little ideas and then I have to polish them to a nugget (hey who knew you can indeed polish a turd) believe it or not these aren't just fired off the hip (what do you mean they might be better if they were hahahaha)but there is light at the end of the tunnel and its not an oncoming train(for once)
what do I intend to do tonight and tomorrow well I have every intention of doing as much writing as possible then to polish what I do because when I go back to work I might only be able to blog at weekends because I have so much worked stacked up it's unbelievable, but hey ho those are the breaks when you are off for nearly 4 months and nobody to do your work it sort of comes to a grinding halt sooner rather than later, so onwards and upwards watch the skies the difficult second (album) book is very nearly complete and I hope to have done and dusted and in your grubby little mitts as soon as I possibly can so until the next time Toodles!
......whose bright idea was it to set me off with the writing bug i ought to give a big girly kiss.....OI Harrison come here you big Galoot!
Saturday 24 December 2011
A hard habit to break
Thank feck the day I hate in the whole year is just about over and I can stop being a fecking grinch, yesterday didn't start well we were told that the big computer had the blue screen of death so that's not good I don't think, I chilled last night and enjoyed the princess bride (a kids film but still good)the wife turned up late again (again no surprise there) but thankfully no major drama, mind you we have the full weekend ahead of us, I had spent all day reading and writing, then rereading and rewriting, basically having fun but as I keep saying I don't want to over think stuff keep it on the simmer and not let my paranoia set in.
I settled in to wait for the wife to appear so I watched some Morecambe and Wise, well its Christmas you have to don't you and I laughed at how simple the majority of it was not malicious in any way, I sat and enjoyed it but try getting the youth of today to watch well they just don't understand ( I should just smash their face in hahahaha) when the wife finally turned up we chilled did a few odd jobs and yet again ended up going to bed LATE.
Surprise I was first up not that I minded, today is without a doubt my most hated day (I mentioned this didn't I hahahaha) we got sorted and the wife went about her tasks and I set off to find some regular light bulbs not the shite that everybody is selling (and the main reason why opticians are doing a roaring trade) it's like being in a 17th century tavern on most nights anyway, I never found any so I had to task the wife to do the deed so I could get on with putting the house back to some form of shape for the big day tomorrow and although the day dragged as it always does I managed to do most of the stuff that was required (without playing the cripples card).
The wife managed to get a great deal on a last minute turkey which although is not going to be used tomorrow (later on in the week I think) the house filled up and the youngest came back and it was heart warming listening to her laughter fill the house I wasn't the grinch that I normally have been, the wife is still poorly but I am taking care of her so she can have a bit of a rest. Now I know I hate today but I do enjoy the day itself I get to cook the dinner and have fun then it will be over for another year maybe next year I might even break into a grimace..oooh no that will be wind so anyway I hope you all get what you deserve whatever that should be I will see you all on the other side Toodles!
I settled in to wait for the wife to appear so I watched some Morecambe and Wise, well its Christmas you have to don't you and I laughed at how simple the majority of it was not malicious in any way, I sat and enjoyed it but try getting the youth of today to watch well they just don't understand ( I should just smash their face in hahahaha) when the wife finally turned up we chilled did a few odd jobs and yet again ended up going to bed LATE.
Surprise I was first up not that I minded, today is without a doubt my most hated day (I mentioned this didn't I hahahaha) we got sorted and the wife went about her tasks and I set off to find some regular light bulbs not the shite that everybody is selling (and the main reason why opticians are doing a roaring trade) it's like being in a 17th century tavern on most nights anyway, I never found any so I had to task the wife to do the deed so I could get on with putting the house back to some form of shape for the big day tomorrow and although the day dragged as it always does I managed to do most of the stuff that was required (without playing the cripples card).
The wife managed to get a great deal on a last minute turkey which although is not going to be used tomorrow (later on in the week I think) the house filled up and the youngest came back and it was heart warming listening to her laughter fill the house I wasn't the grinch that I normally have been, the wife is still poorly but I am taking care of her so she can have a bit of a rest. Now I know I hate today but I do enjoy the day itself I get to cook the dinner and have fun then it will be over for another year maybe next year I might even break into a grimace..oooh no that will be wind so anyway I hope you all get what you deserve whatever that should be I will see you all on the other side Toodles!
Friday 23 December 2011
Bad Intention
Here it comes down the track the time of year I hate is fast approaching with all the false sentiment and the making of the merry (which basically means lets get pissed ...and I'm not adverse to that ) but the most hated day of the year for me and I have my reasons is Christmas eve and I get worse every year, I suppose I'll be OK once I die (there's some Christmas cheer for you) writing has been good after the calamity that was last week the motorbike helmet is off and the wall is down and I rewrote the 8000 words OK so it was too about 7000 but i got rid of the piffle and just left meat on the bone (I hope) I was also fortunate and found enough old blogs from the original site to do about three quarters of yet another book (I know I should get my finger out and complete at least one instead of having five projects on the go) but again the sea of possibilities helps and I have to admit to like having the plates spinning at the same time, I'm hoping that the quality doesn't suffer, but I do honestly hope to have book number two with 100% all new material hot to trot by the end of next month (everything crossed).
With work now finished (apart from checking emails and taking a few incoming phone calls ) I intend to knuckle down and write lots over Christmas some of the small jobs I wanted done at home are being ticked off and apart from world war three being averted the painting is just about complete, you would think that after twenty years together the wife would understand how my mind (OK that's pushing I know I'm a man I don't have a mind) you would think that she could see the signs that I'm a right misery until Christmas morning and then I enjoy it, keep poking me with the stick and I will go off like a bear with a sore head.
On Sunday we enjoyed what was tentatively the last Tee Hee Club Bash of the year we did a good deed and then headed to our local in South Shields and had a wonderful night with good friends some nice drinkie poo's and some grub, we came we saw we laughed our asses off, there was even several doses of pixie dust, see I can enjoy myself when needs be(lets just dispense with the Ho Ho Ho crap). we came home kicked back and sort of chilled
Tuesday was the day I was dreading and again purely because work has become so bloody political it was the works Christmas do, again good fun if you like the time of year but because of what's gone on in our department lately we were expected to attend (at least we the management team had to) and lets be honest I have to put up with the shit and you have to smile enjoy yourself and generally do things that I don't like to do, at least I wasn't sat on the table of the damned the company was pleasant and the meal OK, Wow what a surprise chicken hahaha I endured the meal and as soon as the DJ started thankfully my lift wanted to go home (woo hoo result) got home safe and sound and only got a small glare off the wife (how dare you go out and actually have fun ...this has to stop) then off to bed because the next day was the biggie as far as I was concerned.
We awoke full of good intentions there was painting to be done but we weren't up too early (for once for fecks sake I am on holiday) we had a lazy breakfast but then the demon box was put on to feed the wife's addiction and just starting was it's a wonderful life, so we watched it and then set about doing what we were meant to do ...PAINT!
this in itself turned into a comedy of errors which soon escalated into the aforementioned world war three, but after much shouting and pointing of sticks (from both sides) we knuckled down and cracked on with the job in hand although I was a brave little soldier (warning cripple card being played) I think my days of climbing ladders are well and truly over I have said it before and I feel the need to say it again if I was a pet I would expect my owners to have me (humanly) put to sleep.
Yesterday was a funny day lots of plans that didn't take off and a long day in the house by myself proof reading everything that i have wrote so far for all the books and thankfully I didn't delete anything but I know I need to get my finger out and to get Foxtrot Oscar completed so I shall be writing everyday now until the deed is done.
Today is a funny sort of day as I'm trying to find out exactly what is going on at work (I should really be there) as this is make or break time or so we are lead to believe,I just want to know what's happening without any of the bullshit that comes with it, so now I have to type furiously so that this isn't the last blog before the new year no doubt there will be a few skirmishes to type up before that dubious honour as I type this I'm waiting for sleeping beauty to haul ass so we can get on with the cunning plans and the spinning of those many plates, so until the next time have fun and if you can't have fun tell somebody who gives a sh*t!...Toodles.
With work now finished (apart from checking emails and taking a few incoming phone calls ) I intend to knuckle down and write lots over Christmas some of the small jobs I wanted done at home are being ticked off and apart from world war three being averted the painting is just about complete, you would think that after twenty years together the wife would understand how my mind (OK that's pushing I know I'm a man I don't have a mind) you would think that she could see the signs that I'm a right misery until Christmas morning and then I enjoy it, keep poking me with the stick and I will go off like a bear with a sore head.
On Sunday we enjoyed what was tentatively the last Tee Hee Club Bash of the year we did a good deed and then headed to our local in South Shields and had a wonderful night with good friends some nice drinkie poo's and some grub, we came we saw we laughed our asses off, there was even several doses of pixie dust, see I can enjoy myself when needs be(lets just dispense with the Ho Ho Ho crap). we came home kicked back and sort of chilled
Tuesday was the day I was dreading and again purely because work has become so bloody political it was the works Christmas do, again good fun if you like the time of year but because of what's gone on in our department lately we were expected to attend (at least we the management team had to) and lets be honest I have to put up with the shit and you have to smile enjoy yourself and generally do things that I don't like to do, at least I wasn't sat on the table of the damned the company was pleasant and the meal OK, Wow what a surprise chicken hahaha I endured the meal and as soon as the DJ started thankfully my lift wanted to go home (woo hoo result) got home safe and sound and only got a small glare off the wife (how dare you go out and actually have fun ...this has to stop) then off to bed because the next day was the biggie as far as I was concerned.
We awoke full of good intentions there was painting to be done but we weren't up too early (for once for fecks sake I am on holiday) we had a lazy breakfast but then the demon box was put on to feed the wife's addiction and just starting was it's a wonderful life, so we watched it and then set about doing what we were meant to do ...PAINT!
this in itself turned into a comedy of errors which soon escalated into the aforementioned world war three, but after much shouting and pointing of sticks (from both sides) we knuckled down and cracked on with the job in hand although I was a brave little soldier (warning cripple card being played) I think my days of climbing ladders are well and truly over I have said it before and I feel the need to say it again if I was a pet I would expect my owners to have me (humanly) put to sleep.
Yesterday was a funny day lots of plans that didn't take off and a long day in the house by myself proof reading everything that i have wrote so far for all the books and thankfully I didn't delete anything but I know I need to get my finger out and to get Foxtrot Oscar completed so I shall be writing everyday now until the deed is done.
Today is a funny sort of day as I'm trying to find out exactly what is going on at work (I should really be there) as this is make or break time or so we are lead to believe,I just want to know what's happening without any of the bullshit that comes with it, so now I have to type furiously so that this isn't the last blog before the new year no doubt there will be a few skirmishes to type up before that dubious honour as I type this I'm waiting for sleeping beauty to haul ass so we can get on with the cunning plans and the spinning of those many plates, so until the next time have fun and if you can't have fun tell somebody who gives a sh*t!...Toodles.
Saturday 17 December 2011
Digging Deep
As much as I love writing this week has been a bit like running into a bloody brick wall I did the last blog on the gallop then sat down and wrote over 8000 words over two chapters for the book only to take an artistic strop and delete the fecker (D'oh!) and since then every time I sit to write nothing comes, this is a strange feeling and I have to admit I'm not loving it at the moment.
Work is over for the year (OK so I'm still checking email and I brought some home) but I know when I go back it will be heads down and arses up with over 20 inspections over the course of 4 days with the last day for training for the first 12 weeks with lots of other stuff getting sent my way so I might not be very popular when I go back the Mrs might not see me for a large period of time (surely that's not a bad thing for her)for the next 12 weeks when I go back.
There are strange plans and loads of conspiracies afoot at work all of which I intend to steer clear of I intend to do what I always do and that's go to work do my job and go home, there is so much going on if you get dragged into the maelstrom and dragged down with it I have too much shit going on too worry about the small details of people and their own gunpowder plot. I have plenty of small jobs and one massive one which i have nearly three weeks to complete I'm not taking any bets as too what gets done and what doesn't and with that I'm going to scratch my head and try and rewrite those two bloody chapters until the next time Toodles!
Work is over for the year (OK so I'm still checking email and I brought some home) but I know when I go back it will be heads down and arses up with over 20 inspections over the course of 4 days with the last day for training for the first 12 weeks with lots of other stuff getting sent my way so I might not be very popular when I go back the Mrs might not see me for a large period of time (surely that's not a bad thing for her)for the next 12 weeks when I go back.
There are strange plans and loads of conspiracies afoot at work all of which I intend to steer clear of I intend to do what I always do and that's go to work do my job and go home, there is so much going on if you get dragged into the maelstrom and dragged down with it I have too much shit going on too worry about the small details of people and their own gunpowder plot. I have plenty of small jobs and one massive one which i have nearly three weeks to complete I'm not taking any bets as too what gets done and what doesn't and with that I'm going to scratch my head and try and rewrite those two bloody chapters until the next time Toodles!
Monday 12 December 2011
The Patagonia Express
Well that was wilder than "Mr Toads wild ride" we have had an excellent weekend admittedly I'm hoping I can grow a bit more Liver because I'm running out of organs to pay for any more excursions but what the hell you only live once so here we go...
We arrived at the Prancing Pony hot to trot and we didn't hang about we yomped straight into town to start our journey on the way to the Metro it was explained to me that G was wearing many layers in fact so many layers it seems that G has been sponsored by a firm called Patagonia although they are only paying him in pixxy dust we were to have much fun at his expense, we arrived in Newcastle and set about gathering provisions mainly from the Geordie Embassy (Greggs to those who don't know) the wife was being held down by an extremely heavy chain because she was heading for the stratosphere this was going to get bumpy, there was an abundance of Japanese people on the train who were intent in asking G a lot of questions and when that didn't work then they spent the rest of the trip to Glasgow standing (they mustn't have paid to sit) I was attacked by the trolley dolly (in a nice way) we munched our way through an entire bag of Rowntree Wine pastilles and I have to admit we were all a tad disappointed we also started playing camper van which on a speeding train is a tad difficult and there was much playing with a muff but there was concern as to whether it was fluffy or hairy we decided on fluffy (well actually I was threatened with violence so fluffy it is!).
We arrived in Glasgow and got to the hotel which was lovely but they wanted a billion pound for everything(OK so a slight exaggeration) no free WI Fi which is why I have waited to get home before doing this blog there wasn't even any biscuits (tight bastards) we found a spoons close to the hotel even though there was a hole as big as the grand canyon outside in the main road and when ever we were in there we waited for cars to disappear into it, one thing that I did notice was that Scotland is like China every fecker smokes very few didn't it was like going back in time , we walked to the gig and I have to admit I find Steel Panther OK I thought the joke had worn thin on the second album but live they were entertaining and even the wife who hates them (sort of) enjoyed it Motley Crue again although not huge fan I really did enjoy the show and we ran away after that back to the local spoons had a few night caps and hit the hay, at this point I was starting to suffer because of the walking although I slowed everybody down I wasn't too bad it was the standing still that got me.
The next day we hit the road and after getting breakfast at (you guessed it) spoon's a slight glitch with a cold breakfast we were gob smacked to discover we couldn't buy alcohol .....IN SCOTLAND actually we could buy it on the street so guess what we did? we headed to the train station and bumped into Steel Panther without the wigs or the attitude and me and G laughed at how my good lady wife changed her tune and thought they were great (hypocrite hahahaha) we jumped on the train and revenge was had by the others who took a photograph as I drooled while asleep (I have a long memory boys and girls hahahaha) there was much fluffing of the muff we arrived back at the Prancing Pony we even had a visit from Santa (ho ho ho) Me and G retreated to the Brit so that the girls could enjoy the X Factor s*** I mean final, we jumped into bed ready for another early morning call this rock n roll lifestyle was hectic.
I was struggling at this point and was borrowing (ahem) my wife's painkillers, we did a repeat journey to Newcastle and the wife had a major meltdown in which I was going to beat her to death with a train but she took a breath and calmed down thankfully otherwise I would be blogging from Durham Prison we travelled to Manchester by train and I was annoyed by a nugget sat next to us who if I had been a naughty person I could have wrote down his bank details and had a whale of a time some people are just dumb. We arrived In a wet Manchester so G put his Kagool on we then had a quick walk to the hotel which wasn't far we got ready and as we were going out for something to eat the rest of the gang turned up we arranged to meet them at the venue and we headed out, we ate we got to the venue started watching the gig which was more of the same in a much bigger venue and then we or rather I had an altercation with a sheep shagger .....sorry I meant a welsh person, said person was ignored and then we again left before Def Leppard came on,we hit a few pubs and headed for a kebab the wife needed the facilities so we split to the hotel while the others got something to eat as we headed down the street back to the kebab shop we saw somebody running up the street who really did need to get to a toilet quick hahahaha (I believe the word mincing was used to describe his walking style) we got our food and I headed to the mincers room to eat mine and generally chill and when the guys headed to the bar I dived out and hit the hay I needed more painkillers and my bed.
we awoke and headed for breakfast and annoyed people when we wouldn't wait in line for shit we didn't want headed back to spoons for a second breakfast on the way to the station and chilled on the way back with 4 of us sat in cattle class and SMOR up in first class he did dance his ass all the way down to see us which was fun and in reality just as soon as it had started it was over.....aaaaaah!
Now I know this is actually only about 3% of what happened and I know I took notes all weekend and to do justice to the entire weekend is going to take more time than I have tonight and I did promise peeps that I would post something tonight but hey I have to keep something good for the book and I intend to get about 2 chapters out of this weekend so I hope you enjoyed the taster but wait until the next book is done and the real and full unabridged version of the weekend will make Motley Crue's The Dirt look like a Sunday School book, please don't hate me but time has spun away from me and I need to head to my bed as I have 3 heavy days at work and I need to be up at about 4.30 in the morning what I would like to say is that I have had even with the few glitches had one of the best experiences of my life thank you to everybody who made it be all that it was and until the next time Toodles!
We arrived at the Prancing Pony hot to trot and we didn't hang about we yomped straight into town to start our journey on the way to the Metro it was explained to me that G was wearing many layers in fact so many layers it seems that G has been sponsored by a firm called Patagonia although they are only paying him in pixxy dust we were to have much fun at his expense, we arrived in Newcastle and set about gathering provisions mainly from the Geordie Embassy (Greggs to those who don't know) the wife was being held down by an extremely heavy chain because she was heading for the stratosphere this was going to get bumpy, there was an abundance of Japanese people on the train who were intent in asking G a lot of questions and when that didn't work then they spent the rest of the trip to Glasgow standing (they mustn't have paid to sit) I was attacked by the trolley dolly (in a nice way) we munched our way through an entire bag of Rowntree Wine pastilles and I have to admit we were all a tad disappointed we also started playing camper van which on a speeding train is a tad difficult and there was much playing with a muff but there was concern as to whether it was fluffy or hairy we decided on fluffy (well actually I was threatened with violence so fluffy it is!).
We arrived in Glasgow and got to the hotel which was lovely but they wanted a billion pound for everything(OK so a slight exaggeration) no free WI Fi which is why I have waited to get home before doing this blog there wasn't even any biscuits (tight bastards) we found a spoons close to the hotel even though there was a hole as big as the grand canyon outside in the main road and when ever we were in there we waited for cars to disappear into it, one thing that I did notice was that Scotland is like China every fecker smokes very few didn't it was like going back in time , we walked to the gig and I have to admit I find Steel Panther OK I thought the joke had worn thin on the second album but live they were entertaining and even the wife who hates them (sort of) enjoyed it Motley Crue again although not huge fan I really did enjoy the show and we ran away after that back to the local spoons had a few night caps and hit the hay, at this point I was starting to suffer because of the walking although I slowed everybody down I wasn't too bad it was the standing still that got me.
The next day we hit the road and after getting breakfast at (you guessed it) spoon's a slight glitch with a cold breakfast we were gob smacked to discover we couldn't buy alcohol .....IN SCOTLAND actually we could buy it on the street so guess what we did? we headed to the train station and bumped into Steel Panther without the wigs or the attitude and me and G laughed at how my good lady wife changed her tune and thought they were great (hypocrite hahahaha) we jumped on the train and revenge was had by the others who took a photograph as I drooled while asleep (I have a long memory boys and girls hahahaha) there was much fluffing of the muff we arrived back at the Prancing Pony we even had a visit from Santa (ho ho ho) Me and G retreated to the Brit so that the girls could enjoy the X Factor s*** I mean final, we jumped into bed ready for another early morning call this rock n roll lifestyle was hectic.
I was struggling at this point and was borrowing (ahem) my wife's painkillers, we did a repeat journey to Newcastle and the wife had a major meltdown in which I was going to beat her to death with a train but she took a breath and calmed down thankfully otherwise I would be blogging from Durham Prison we travelled to Manchester by train and I was annoyed by a nugget sat next to us who if I had been a naughty person I could have wrote down his bank details and had a whale of a time some people are just dumb. We arrived In a wet Manchester so G put his Kagool on we then had a quick walk to the hotel which wasn't far we got ready and as we were going out for something to eat the rest of the gang turned up we arranged to meet them at the venue and we headed out, we ate we got to the venue started watching the gig which was more of the same in a much bigger venue and then we or rather I had an altercation with a sheep shagger .....sorry I meant a welsh person, said person was ignored and then we again left before Def Leppard came on,we hit a few pubs and headed for a kebab the wife needed the facilities so we split to the hotel while the others got something to eat as we headed down the street back to the kebab shop we saw somebody running up the street who really did need to get to a toilet quick hahahaha (I believe the word mincing was used to describe his walking style) we got our food and I headed to the mincers room to eat mine and generally chill and when the guys headed to the bar I dived out and hit the hay I needed more painkillers and my bed.
we awoke and headed for breakfast and annoyed people when we wouldn't wait in line for shit we didn't want headed back to spoons for a second breakfast on the way to the station and chilled on the way back with 4 of us sat in cattle class and SMOR up in first class he did dance his ass all the way down to see us which was fun and in reality just as soon as it had started it was over.....aaaaaah!
Now I know this is actually only about 3% of what happened and I know I took notes all weekend and to do justice to the entire weekend is going to take more time than I have tonight and I did promise peeps that I would post something tonight but hey I have to keep something good for the book and I intend to get about 2 chapters out of this weekend so I hope you enjoyed the taster but wait until the next book is done and the real and full unabridged version of the weekend will make Motley Crue's The Dirt look like a Sunday School book, please don't hate me but time has spun away from me and I need to head to my bed as I have 3 heavy days at work and I need to be up at about 4.30 in the morning what I would like to say is that I have had even with the few glitches had one of the best experiences of my life thank you to everybody who made it be all that it was and until the next time Toodles!
Thursday 8 December 2011
Let the madness begin
OK here's the skinny its the night before we have a weekend of lunacy with the Potato Liberation Army (keep up kiddies there's a test at the end) we're off to see Motley Crue in Glasgow tomorrow and Manchester on Sunday with a pit stop at the Prancing Pony (the new name of the Hotel Jagermeister) in between. Of course it wouldn't be a trip away with out a bit of drama the so the wife fell this morning (just for the hell of it) so is battered and bruised (no not me I'm a good boy I am) and of course the Kraken has kicked off god forbid her daughter should have some fun in her life, but I digress we have just had supper and so are gearing up to assault the suitcases and get base camp set up, we will just go with the flow(well I be will she will be the usual lunatic) get sorted and then get up at the crack of dawn (actually a lie in for me) and set off no doubt we will be half way there and then realise that we will have forgotten something (no surprise there then) but the intention is too have as much fun as possible in a weekend will I blog about it? you bet I will! so keep the hatches battened down have fun and be safe and watch the skies.....incoming!.... but for now Toodles!
Sunday 4 December 2011
Sunday 27 November 2011
Just Another Day
OK so I have never been happy about Birthdays or Christmas since I was a kid for personal reasons and if you have been following blogs you will know the run up to this birthday has been decidedly cack! I awoke after a night out that hopefully will fade from my memory like water .....why water I hear you ask well that's what I drank for 90% of the night (I'm a good boy I am) I'm even over the fact that wife left me standing on the corner like some late night hooker because she was still in the house when she was supposed to be picking me up hahahaha as a taxi service she won't get no tips from me(but because she drives so fast I was technically home before I left hahahaha), I arrived home cold and went straight to bed and no I wasn't in a huff (which was unusual) I was tired from having to wear the penguin suit but at least a cunning plan was hatched (watch this space).
I awoke refreshed and ready for breakfast (filthy little hobbit) and pottered on while the wife slept the sleep of the dead, when she finally arose from the grave dinner was already being prepared and my birthday was nearly over (thank god) we had a cunning plan in motion but the eldest (no surprise there then) had already poisoned the well (thanks for the wishes and the card ......NOT!) and I tried to take the wife's mind off it we had a meeting with the Tee Hee Club and we did not want to miss anything or anyone we had to leave some stuff at somebody's flat but with that done we were ready for a quiet night (yeah right).
A was already there as well as other people in another part of the bar which had the potential to go haywire but thankfully didn't and J so wanted to be with us but I understood and at least we had a chance to chat, I received the best card ever from G & E which was Elvis wishing me a happy birthday, Oh bless this was going to be a bumpy ride and the night unfolded with much hilarity! a hug and a card from A and a super duper card from P & G who even though they didn't have to, bought me a last minute one and found a spoon (that looked like it was used by ten million junkies) in the street which made for a great present (I'm easily pleased) there ensued lots of hilarity (that may be saved for the book) and just a tad more drink, which as I type this at 6 in the morning after just five hours in bed I feel quite canny there was a new member for the Tee Hee club who didn't ask the rules but unknowingly followed the rules so he is now a member whether he likes it or not, he even missed his last metro so he is definitely up for member of the year all ready.
We missed the Buckets which could have a great present for my birthday but I think I haven't a better birthday since I was 7 it took 40 years to get there but hell it was worth the wait, we hatched a cunning plan that involves Fabio which I intend to tweak so as not to cause offence (me with my reputation) we drove home listening to Jeff Foxworthy (you might be a redneck) and I ate (I know I'm a pig) a full Terry's chocolate orange for supper (I'm a growing lad) and that is just about it a great birthday with my favourite people in the world which in reality will just be classed as practise to the mayhem we are planning for my 50th. so until later Toodles!
Oh and as I preview this blog the site must be based somewhere to the west as it saying that I will have posted this on the 27th but in reality its the 28th this is the birthday that just keeps on giving hahahaha!
I awoke refreshed and ready for breakfast (filthy little hobbit) and pottered on while the wife slept the sleep of the dead, when she finally arose from the grave dinner was already being prepared and my birthday was nearly over (thank god) we had a cunning plan in motion but the eldest (no surprise there then) had already poisoned the well (thanks for the wishes and the card ......NOT!) and I tried to take the wife's mind off it we had a meeting with the Tee Hee Club and we did not want to miss anything or anyone we had to leave some stuff at somebody's flat but with that done we were ready for a quiet night (yeah right).
A was already there as well as other people in another part of the bar which had the potential to go haywire but thankfully didn't and J so wanted to be with us but I understood and at least we had a chance to chat, I received the best card ever from G & E which was Elvis wishing me a happy birthday, Oh bless this was going to be a bumpy ride and the night unfolded with much hilarity! a hug and a card from A and a super duper card from P & G who even though they didn't have to, bought me a last minute one and found a spoon (that looked like it was used by ten million junkies) in the street which made for a great present (I'm easily pleased) there ensued lots of hilarity (that may be saved for the book) and just a tad more drink, which as I type this at 6 in the morning after just five hours in bed I feel quite canny there was a new member for the Tee Hee club who didn't ask the rules but unknowingly followed the rules so he is now a member whether he likes it or not, he even missed his last metro so he is definitely up for member of the year all ready.
We missed the Buckets which could have a great present for my birthday but I think I haven't a better birthday since I was 7 it took 40 years to get there but hell it was worth the wait, we hatched a cunning plan that involves Fabio which I intend to tweak so as not to cause offence (me with my reputation) we drove home listening to Jeff Foxworthy (you might be a redneck) and I ate (I know I'm a pig) a full Terry's chocolate orange for supper (I'm a growing lad) and that is just about it a great birthday with my favourite people in the world which in reality will just be classed as practise to the mayhem we are planning for my 50th. so until later Toodles!
Oh and as I preview this blog the site must be based somewhere to the west as it saying that I will have posted this on the 27th but in reality its the 28th this is the birthday that just keeps on giving hahahaha!
Saturday 26 November 2011
Angry old man
OK so its a play on a Styx title but I couldn't put "pissed off again" because that would give the game well and truly away, this has been a shit week for me and my beloved arguing over shit which probably means we were both shattered after a long weekend (see previous blog) and 3 long days of looking after the grandson and precious little sleep for her and major issues at work and little sleep for me! so put that in the mix and well I'm grumpy enough without having any added stroppiness and the wife well if you know her she can be a loon at the best of times (in the nicest possible way) so after a reasonably nice night (no cross words and sitting in the same room not boxing ring) we are awoke by the phone ringing and our eldest blackmailing her mother into babysitting on a day we said we couldn't, cue world war three and my blood pressure going through the roof and what a surprise it turns out its all my fault anyway the moral of this blog is drown all kids at birth bludgeon anybody who gets in your way because life is meant to get easier not harder and family is meant to pull together but all the wife's family seems to do is abuse her on a regular basis with blackmail and shouting and then it turns out to be all my fault anyway!
After 20 years together I love her more today as I did all those years ago but this is starting to really grind my gears and yes your right this might start off world war 4 but I'm greedy after 20 years I would like some time with my wife alone so we can enjoy each other's company with no interference from outside (arse-holes) interference. oops sorry that's my inside voice (as the wife would say) I'm totally sick of all the in fighting I'm glad i don't live in the land of the fat because i would be buying a firearm and going on a (shopping) spree
Earlier we went to see Fish play in Newcastle and a good night was had by all and I had a fantastic blog all lined up, but events transpired against me and I didn't feel that I would be telling the whole truth if I had indeed posted that blog as rage was flowing through my veins as though I was about to turn into the hulk, thankfully I'm just a fat old man and not green and muscular, today I'm stressed because I have to go to a fancy do (which I don't really want to go but I painted my self into a corner and I cant extract myself from) and wear a penguin suit (the first and last time) I know the rest of the weekend will be wonderful but at the moment my hair is falling out and I just want to scream (like a loon ) at the world so until the next happier time when the blog should be a work of art (hahahaha) Toodles
After 20 years together I love her more today as I did all those years ago but this is starting to really grind my gears and yes your right this might start off world war 4 but I'm greedy after 20 years I would like some time with my wife alone so we can enjoy each other's company with no interference from outside (arse-holes) interference. oops sorry that's my inside voice (as the wife would say) I'm totally sick of all the in fighting I'm glad i don't live in the land of the fat because i would be buying a firearm and going on a (shopping) spree
Earlier we went to see Fish play in Newcastle and a good night was had by all and I had a fantastic blog all lined up, but events transpired against me and I didn't feel that I would be telling the whole truth if I had indeed posted that blog as rage was flowing through my veins as though I was about to turn into the hulk, thankfully I'm just a fat old man and not green and muscular, today I'm stressed because I have to go to a fancy do (which I don't really want to go but I painted my self into a corner and I cant extract myself from) and wear a penguin suit (the first and last time) I know the rest of the weekend will be wonderful but at the moment my hair is falling out and I just want to scream (like a loon ) at the world so until the next happier time when the blog should be a work of art (hahahaha) Toodles
Sunday 20 November 2011
Yellow
We came we saw we sort of went with the flow .....the first of the road trips done and it was more damp squib then a dynamite weekend the people were great it just wasn't destined to be the weekend that we thought it might be but then nothing ever lives up to the hype not even these blogs.
As always G wasn't the messiah he was a very naughty boy, we also did lots of walking well I didn't I limped from point to point we had a wander we had a nosebag and we had some drinkie poo's (no surprise there then) we survived the great flood a little bit of time travel and were surprised by the quiz we did on the way, there were sheep, cattle, caravans and all things in the colour of yellow(yes we did indeed as usual get out of hand) there was an ejaculation problem (of the doughnut kind) and no Beiber was allowed, we broke every rule in the space time continuim just to prove that we could.
There was flatulence, hand bags and shops that only took cash, there was abuse (of the credit card kind) and little pubs that were open and pubs that weren't open, we were disappointed by a few things such as the kids (musical appetite) and how grubby a grand old lady had become, there was carbuncles and metal monstrosities, but the weather was nice and the company better, we had good news we had bad news, we had a nervous breakdown and a burnout with a DB 9, we nearly had a fire and endured being shouted at from a great distance away.
We didn't forget potatoes or the Swedish ones although we never got a reply from them, we saw churches and I kicked off and was a hooligan (well I wore my hat at a jaunty angle) because nobody tells me what to do (hahahahahaha) we ate sweeties, but didn't play on the beach, we rang a bell and did some street magic, checked fire extinguishers and generally had a good time does this make sense to the vast majority of people reading this probably not but you will if you're interested enough to purchase a copy of my new book as the chapter that this blog pertains too will be called W T F (the Ritalin Generation).
So tomorrow is a new day me and the Mrs are of to see the Frog on the Tyne support Fish in Newcastle the game plan is back on track off to do loads of catching up (task wise) and then hey ho off to work so until the next time Toodles
As always G wasn't the messiah he was a very naughty boy, we also did lots of walking well I didn't I limped from point to point we had a wander we had a nosebag and we had some drinkie poo's (no surprise there then) we survived the great flood a little bit of time travel and were surprised by the quiz we did on the way, there were sheep, cattle, caravans and all things in the colour of yellow(yes we did indeed as usual get out of hand) there was an ejaculation problem (of the doughnut kind) and no Beiber was allowed, we broke every rule in the space time continuim just to prove that we could.
There was flatulence, hand bags and shops that only took cash, there was abuse (of the credit card kind) and little pubs that were open and pubs that weren't open, we were disappointed by a few things such as the kids (musical appetite) and how grubby a grand old lady had become, there was carbuncles and metal monstrosities, but the weather was nice and the company better, we had good news we had bad news, we had a nervous breakdown and a burnout with a DB 9, we nearly had a fire and endured being shouted at from a great distance away.
We didn't forget potatoes or the Swedish ones although we never got a reply from them, we saw churches and I kicked off and was a hooligan (well I wore my hat at a jaunty angle) because nobody tells me what to do (hahahahahaha) we ate sweeties, but didn't play on the beach, we rang a bell and did some street magic, checked fire extinguishers and generally had a good time does this make sense to the vast majority of people reading this probably not but you will if you're interested enough to purchase a copy of my new book as the chapter that this blog pertains too will be called W T F (the Ritalin Generation).
So tomorrow is a new day me and the Mrs are of to see the Frog on the Tyne support Fish in Newcastle the game plan is back on track off to do loads of catching up (task wise) and then hey ho off to work so until the next time Toodles
Friday 18 November 2011
Walks with broken hoop: A spanner in the works
Walks with broken hoop: A spanner in the works: I didn't really expect any better me and the wife have been gearing up all week to head off to Blackpool and the mother in law has kept a lo...
A spanner in the works
I didn't really expect any better me and the wife have been gearing up all week to head off to Blackpool and the mother in law has kept a low profile ....until today the eve of the trip and now she has gone in to ****** mode with a million tasks for the wife and only a small window of time to do everything in ,me saying that she is vindictive and intends to make the few hours before we go away miserable I would never say that..... oops wait I just have I don't understand, some people are just not happy unless everybody around them is totally miserable but hey ho I digress.
Yes I endured many death threats because of the last blog but I'm sorry the need for fresh material for the next book( and at just over 3000 words i think its a pleasant little ditty) outweighed all the abuse thrown my way the worst abuse came from the wife and it got worse when I said she could read all that I had wrote, but i wasn't to be swayed, work came back to bite me in the ass with a vengeance and to be honest (me with my reputation) i have been too worn out with that to do any writing at all but hopefully with the coming weekend I hope to have a number of witty tales to put down onto paper so to speak, there was even the possibility of the return of the dashing blonde pirate but for that you will have to wait for with baited breath.
I have done a number of good deeds for people this week and it still feels like i have crapped in somebody's teapot i really must have been Attila the Hun in a previous life because no matter how much I help people the shit just rains down from above will it beat me of course not but for once just once a little bit of good luck would be beneficial lottery win full head of hair wake up and weigh 11 stone once again would be nice.....actually I don't think I could arsed with all the hassle that comes with hair these days..... any hoo enough for now I am alive and well and have many cunning plots ahead of me so until next time TOODLES !
Yes I endured many death threats because of the last blog but I'm sorry the need for fresh material for the next book( and at just over 3000 words i think its a pleasant little ditty) outweighed all the abuse thrown my way the worst abuse came from the wife and it got worse when I said she could read all that I had wrote, but i wasn't to be swayed, work came back to bite me in the ass with a vengeance and to be honest (me with my reputation) i have been too worn out with that to do any writing at all but hopefully with the coming weekend I hope to have a number of witty tales to put down onto paper so to speak, there was even the possibility of the return of the dashing blonde pirate but for that you will have to wait for with baited breath.
I have done a number of good deeds for people this week and it still feels like i have crapped in somebody's teapot i really must have been Attila the Hun in a previous life because no matter how much I help people the shit just rains down from above will it beat me of course not but for once just once a little bit of good luck would be beneficial lottery win full head of hair wake up and weigh 11 stone once again would be nice.....actually I don't think I could arsed with all the hassle that comes with hair these days..... any hoo enough for now I am alive and well and have many cunning plots ahead of me so until next time TOODLES !
Saturday 12 November 2011
A night in a bordello (all quiet on the western front)
oh dear where to start , where to go , and how to finish.... we had been planning this for months and it ended up like a botched CIA operation only in the execution of our travel plans, i had it down to the last minute and after several hours of farcebook the wife swings into action and as usual runs into last minute hiccups like getting dressed putting shoes on you know the ones but we made it to the bus stop with 60 seconds too spare and lo and behold it was my favourite bus driver (see previous blog) we chilled we calmed down , well until i called the wife Ma Clampett (can't really see the issue there) we arrived on time and limped towards our first pub and that's where it all started going wrong for me from that point on i had a number of people talk to me with regards blogging and I feel that i painted myself into a corner with all my bullshit, there will be a few annoyed boys and girls in the morning because i ain't gonna give all the details away in this blog these are meant to be short and sweet(ish) a mere taster and to be honest to do it justice i want to sit down and give at least 2000 words lets just say there was mention of shrapnel , gout, Potatoes and other things to do with hobbits Led Zeppelin was slagged off much too my delight and the wife had (for once ) a really good time all in all some cunning plans and some offers of help and just a little chat about the FBI red necks and wine sniffing if you want to see the full version wait until the new book comes out (soon) although i was immobile for most of the evening i still had a great time and talked bullshit (because I'm good at it) for most of the evening so until the next time Toodles .....there really will be death threats after this one ......oh and if your interested in the new book the title for the chapter about tonight will be called the bay of pigs ....go figure!
Wednesday 9 November 2011
Its all about control
Fecking awful that's a great way to start the week but that's exactly how it started and continued to roll that way (so far of course) work has been surprisingly busy but acceptable Monday morning was cold very cold especially standing waiting for your lift, who actually turned on time (praise the lord) when I got to work it started at a gallop as opposed to a trot and I was bouncing about from side to side just trying to keep up (with my knees that's hard) so rather than go all the way to the other side of the centre for something to eat I thought I would pop into the nearest Greggs (there's about 40000 Greggs where I work) yes it was busy but how long does it take to serve a pasty? actually longer than you think I joined the queue and 16 minutes later (hey I was hungry and I didn't intend to walk the great wall of china just for a bloody sandwich) when did we become a nation of coffee bloody drinkers every person in front of me was ordering coffee and lots of it in Greggs! If you want a coffee go to Starbucks or a million and one other coffee shops that have sprung up every where not a place that sells take out food you muppets I have to admit I spat my dummy out and (Limped) off in a huff and no before anybody says anything surely you were near the front there were still about 5 people in front all panicking that they wouldn't get their coffee grrrr !
Then yesterday morning I had to endure public transport, not an issue I'm quite happy to travel on the bus but it pisses me off when you get on the bus and ask a question and they look you as if you have two heads look if you hate the job that much quit, move on, bugger off everybody has shit days but please jog on life is shit enough without having to deal with people who aren't interested trust me I have been there I'm not a people person just a little hint don't work with the fecking public then.......
Then to make matters worse this morning the bus was a tad late I live quite close to the bus station it takes me even in my weakened condition about 3 minutes to walk there I usually like to get there a little early so that I don't have to run like a lunatic (cripple) for the bus there were a few others who are becoming regular faces as we travel the same time same bus 8 minutes after the allotted time and when the next bus is sitting waiting to pull in the first bus turns up and he didn't give a rats ass didn't care that people will miss connections, will be late for work, hey everybody gets caught short or has something crop up this guy went "so what" I wanted to pull him through his little glass window the horrible little shit!
But as it says in the title it's all about control otherwise I would have gone on a bloody killing spree, it could be that as I'm getting older I'm getting less tolerant (not sure how I can get any less tolerant) but watch out world because Mr angry is gearing up to tear you a new one until the next time Toodles!
Then yesterday morning I had to endure public transport, not an issue I'm quite happy to travel on the bus but it pisses me off when you get on the bus and ask a question and they look you as if you have two heads look if you hate the job that much quit, move on, bugger off everybody has shit days but please jog on life is shit enough without having to deal with people who aren't interested trust me I have been there I'm not a people person just a little hint don't work with the fecking public then.......
Then to make matters worse this morning the bus was a tad late I live quite close to the bus station it takes me even in my weakened condition about 3 minutes to walk there I usually like to get there a little early so that I don't have to run like a lunatic (cripple) for the bus there were a few others who are becoming regular faces as we travel the same time same bus 8 minutes after the allotted time and when the next bus is sitting waiting to pull in the first bus turns up and he didn't give a rats ass didn't care that people will miss connections, will be late for work, hey everybody gets caught short or has something crop up this guy went "so what" I wanted to pull him through his little glass window the horrible little shit!
But as it says in the title it's all about control otherwise I would have gone on a bloody killing spree, it could be that as I'm getting older I'm getting less tolerant (not sure how I can get any less tolerant) but watch out world because Mr angry is gearing up to tear you a new one until the next time Toodles!
Sunday 6 November 2011
New holes in old shoes
Damn and blast there I was getting all smug 7 chapters in on the new book when I decided to do a bit of proof reading that's were it all went wrong I did major rewrites on the first 6 chapters and ditched 7000 words on the last chapter because I just wasn't happy with what I had put down.
I realise now that I'm going stir crazy trying to over think things instead of going with the flow I need to take a step back and be calm there's plenty of time there isn't a deadline I can take as long as I want instead of being like a sexually active teenager, too many thoughts and cunning plans all in my head not enough time to do all of them and some of them are just plain crazy (that's why they appeal) it's time to concentrate on one idea and not to go off like a blunderbuss and scatter in every direction OK so here goes concentrate on first book plan and collate material for the next book keep these blogs short and sweet and hopefully everything should be just so sweet.
Its hard trying to keep all three things from over spilling as I don't want the material here (until I do a best of book.....see what I mean another cunning plan) and I want the material from both books to be kept separate so that I'm not just repeating myself once they are done i will take stock and take my time to do book number 4 which although is formulating i need these other 2 out of the way!
So that's were we are time to apply the brakes the next book should be ready after Christmas and then the third (which already has a spiffing title) will be ready for March/April of next year then and only then will I take my own sweet time with a release in time for next Christmas for book number 4, that's what's in my head lets see how we do deep breath time until the next time Toodles
I realise now that I'm going stir crazy trying to over think things instead of going with the flow I need to take a step back and be calm there's plenty of time there isn't a deadline I can take as long as I want instead of being like a sexually active teenager, too many thoughts and cunning plans all in my head not enough time to do all of them and some of them are just plain crazy (that's why they appeal) it's time to concentrate on one idea and not to go off like a blunderbuss and scatter in every direction OK so here goes concentrate on first book plan and collate material for the next book keep these blogs short and sweet and hopefully everything should be just so sweet.
Its hard trying to keep all three things from over spilling as I don't want the material here (until I do a best of book.....see what I mean another cunning plan) and I want the material from both books to be kept separate so that I'm not just repeating myself once they are done i will take stock and take my time to do book number 4 which although is formulating i need these other 2 out of the way!
So that's were we are time to apply the brakes the next book should be ready after Christmas and then the third (which already has a spiffing title) will be ready for March/April of next year then and only then will I take my own sweet time with a release in time for next Christmas for book number 4, that's what's in my head lets see how we do deep breath time until the next time Toodles
Friday 4 November 2011
Until It Sleeps
Not popular tonight had an incredibly busy time at work and had a little jaunt on a mission of mercy, which i have to admit crippled me, took me nearly an hour to do a 15 minute job came back and slept on the settee (ooops woke up with a lunatic glaring at me) down in the dumps with my knees not as good as i thought and then consequently down in the dumps eating to cheer myself up which lets be honest never works and strangely i cant seem to stop myself from doing it and usually its all the crap that's at the back of the cupboards not good for my knees to get better i need to lose weight to lose weight i have to be happy and to be happy i need my knees to get better its all a bit of a vicious circle and to be honest, and then to top it all off all i really want to do if I'm not eating is sleeping and that really makes me really popular ah well it could be worse i could have a lunatic glaring at me.......hang on a minute!
Monday 31 October 2011
Wide awake in dreamland
So that was a grind long nights impossible odds ..... oops broke into lyric mode hahahaha really busy with lots going on at a snails pace with a little grief at the end, however the peeps involved turned out to be gents and world war three was averted, some journeys on empty public transport helped shape my brain and although i have kept a low profile i have been here (watching numbers as usual) too tired to put a complete train of thought down on paper ( so to speak) bide my time and well here we are and again short and sweet shall be the order of the day still compiling for book number two and i still need to feel my way back in to this blog thingy hahahaha numbers are low double which i can live with it's a start and no redneck infestation so I'm really happy could have done with some sleep today stayed up after my last night shift i'm getting ready to crash and burn luckily the wife is handling me with kid gloves until the next time ....TOODLES
Thursday 27 October 2011
Grinding Halt
yeah I know I'm still alive but half way through my night shift and I'm struggling with daylight never mind writing a short blog lets just say I'm accumulating material for the new book as I go and the chapter is entitled back to reality full of the usual dumb ass's and knuckle dragger's it might not be laugh a minute but you know its going to be insulting I have to be consistent anyway until the next more erudite time.....TOODLES!
Tuesday 18 October 2011
A New Age
So I Sat there with baited breath ........it was like Christmas all over again, I tracked my little package (down boys) from sunny San Francisco via Fed Ex all the way to Paris and then finally to Stansted while waiting for it's international clearance I sat there like an expectant father, then to be told that it was on it's way oooh I was so excited then to have my hopes dashed cruelly on the rocks like an ocean liner run aground on those hidden spines of rock, Fed Ex turned up 30 minutes too soon and there was a card saying sorry you weren't in, "what do you mean you said Thursday you ingrates" but I calmed down it was in Jarrow not far and not long the wife chilled me out and made the call to the nice people in Jarrow and it was arranged for today, my youngest had an hour to kill before heading back to college, she said she would help an old man, I was 400 yards from home when she rang and told me it was signed sealed delivered and sat waiting for me on the table.......what is it I hear the world ask it's my book it's here I have read it I have held it I very nearly caressed it, I know its not a massive thing but its done and I'm so proud its like I have twin boys and they have signed for my favourite football team in this case Consett AFC hahahahaha yes there are a few things wrong with it but that's my issue, I rushed it(typical man) and I didn't want to wait now that the first one is out of the way I can concentrate on the second one and really have fun,with all new all swinging tales from the tee hee club you must excuse me I need to lie down, I have just help deliver my first born ......watch the skies for the next thrilling instalment TOODLES
Saturday 15 October 2011
cheap and nasty
OK so we had a limited time to get ready but that's what we did we put on our fancy clothes and drove at a respectable pace it was my works 25Th anniversary and we had been invited this was a big deal a very big deal I had to be on my best behaviour why because I like the job I do and it was time to play the game not something I would normally do but it is something I have to start because its a big bad world out there and I need to know that me and mine are protected.
I should have known it wasn't going to go according to plan as the better half was having a bad time from the off with clothing issues something that a man will never understand and because we had got there after all the fireworks everybody had pinched all the seats so the back tables were standing room only this wasn't looking good for me or the wife but on scanning the area no extra seats could be found I knew this was soon going to spiral thankfully somebody who could walk further afield came to our rescue at least for the wife and the night didn't really sparkle there was an undercurrent mainly that it felt cheap and nasty the company was pleasant apart from the wife driving a trunk bomb into one conversation and then proceed to set the bloody thing off she wasn't looking for the semaphore signals that were screaming shut the feck up, that bomb recovered from it was time for the awards now after 25 years in one place you think wow I'm going to get a great pressie off the company .....guess again toilet roll and other freebies which they hand out every day oh and an umbrella well I wasn't bothered by the time i got there that they had finished dispensing the (ahem ) goodies but they knew where i would be so i know that at some point that it would turn up but nope the wife went hurtling towards the deep end she didn't get that i really didn't care about the crap that i had dodged, she was well and truly on form now if you can remember what i said at the beginning this was a big deal and it was about to get messy.
I don't mind my wife going off if its deserved but i would prefer she went off like a snipers rifle and not the scatter gun she tends to be and i was starting to get annoyed if this got ugly now the hangman's noose was rearing it s ugly head thankfully the lovely Kate saved the day and turned up with my bag of (shite) goodies and from there on in it was as if somebody had burst a balloon the night levelled off we went from def con 1 to def con 5 and then i actually got to play the game do a little networking managed to corner the big cheese and put my case forward when it was asked for and not forced on them and generally had a pleasant evening praise the lord
again this is early days for the blog but numbers are double and that's better than single so I can live with that but I do need to find my thread so still small but perfectly formed until the next time Toodles
I should have known it wasn't going to go according to plan as the better half was having a bad time from the off with clothing issues something that a man will never understand and because we had got there after all the fireworks everybody had pinched all the seats so the back tables were standing room only this wasn't looking good for me or the wife but on scanning the area no extra seats could be found I knew this was soon going to spiral thankfully somebody who could walk further afield came to our rescue at least for the wife and the night didn't really sparkle there was an undercurrent mainly that it felt cheap and nasty the company was pleasant apart from the wife driving a trunk bomb into one conversation and then proceed to set the bloody thing off she wasn't looking for the semaphore signals that were screaming shut the feck up, that bomb recovered from it was time for the awards now after 25 years in one place you think wow I'm going to get a great pressie off the company .....guess again toilet roll and other freebies which they hand out every day oh and an umbrella well I wasn't bothered by the time i got there that they had finished dispensing the (ahem ) goodies but they knew where i would be so i know that at some point that it would turn up but nope the wife went hurtling towards the deep end she didn't get that i really didn't care about the crap that i had dodged, she was well and truly on form now if you can remember what i said at the beginning this was a big deal and it was about to get messy.
I don't mind my wife going off if its deserved but i would prefer she went off like a snipers rifle and not the scatter gun she tends to be and i was starting to get annoyed if this got ugly now the hangman's noose was rearing it s ugly head thankfully the lovely Kate saved the day and turned up with my bag of (shite) goodies and from there on in it was as if somebody had burst a balloon the night levelled off we went from def con 1 to def con 5 and then i actually got to play the game do a little networking managed to corner the big cheese and put my case forward when it was asked for and not forced on them and generally had a pleasant evening praise the lord
again this is early days for the blog but numbers are double and that's better than single so I can live with that but I do need to find my thread so still small but perfectly formed until the next time Toodles
Friday 14 October 2011
Best Behaviour
oh dear I have to behave myself .......but I digress back to work this week and it has been supersonic good but really fast, and no contrary to popular belief I have not gone back to work because there is a party to celebrate 25 years of my place of work being open and the fact that they haven't twigged yet and I'm still there has to be a plus, me and the good lady wife are heading to the shindig and I have to wear proper clothes not t shirt and jeans and with the wife going I really do have to behave myself .....not sure how that's going to pan out watch this space there could be a doozy of a blog heading this way ......this isn't it though I'm off to soak my weary bones in a hot bath for an hour but the old grey matter is percolating so watch this space!
Tuesday 11 October 2011
A pubic hair on the toilet of life!
What can I say that didn't take long "grumpy's home" damn I have been annoyed and so pissed off today (hence the title pop pickers) not because of work not because of anything that anybody has done I just want to go GRRRRRRRRRRR if anybody knows why answers on a postcard to I don't give a rats ass dot com, but hey life's not a bowl of ice cream all the time but I suppose I had better sort myself out cos the wife does not deserve grumpy if anybody has answers on that one or simply wants to give me a million quid please feel free to do so, technology issues here and at work I suspect are the root of the problem everything running way too slow for me hey what can I say if I want something I want it now! so again short and sweet just how we like them at the moment and as for numbers they are minuscule but you never know from little acorns ......boring blogs do grow until next time TOODLES
Monday 10 October 2011
The Clock Moves Sideways
aaaaah the cheese very nearly slide off my cracker, what a day I was like a kid first day back in what seemed like an age I had a great work programme worked out and fire works as well , I was awake at a ungodly time it felt just like Christmas morning I was so excited I crept down the stairs as though Santa had been, it didn't take me too long to be deflated my lift was nearly 10 minutes late but I bit my tongue as I just wanted to get there, I wasn't disappointed when I got there there was indeed a time warp it was like I hadn't been off a day same moans same people just a different day (or not as it seemed) and just as quick as it arrived it was over and I didn't get to see any fireworks boo hoo! these first few blogs shall be just a tad on the short side I have to get back in the swing of things , so until the clock indeed does move sideways that'll do for now.....Toodles!
Sunday 9 October 2011
Back to reality
OK so these first ones will be short and sweet its been ages since i have posted any blogs and will need to feel my way back into it i'm sure they will get bigger and better as i get back into the swing of it, if you need a sample of the older blogs i have done check out blurb.com i have published a cheeky little number entitled Cunning Stunts and other tales from the Tee Hee Club there is a preview page, i will mainly be blogging about the writing process to start with but i do intend to spread my wings as the time moves on.
I'm not expecting huge numbers to start with but we shall go with the flow and all comments are welcome please feel free to make sensible comments anything offensive will not be tolerated i have been on this road before so know what to expect play nice and enjoy see you all soon.
I'm not expecting huge numbers to start with but we shall go with the flow and all comments are welcome please feel free to make sensible comments anything offensive will not be tolerated i have been on this road before so know what to expect play nice and enjoy see you all soon.
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