Sunday 27 December 2015

We'll Burn The Sky


I had to change the pace of the blogs, life had been shit and I really didn’t want to infect the blogs any more than I had, so I drew a line in the sand and I took a stand. My intention is to stand and fight and if I have to I will take life and its four horsemen down with me, together me and the wife intend to Burn the sky (hence the title and yes the name game is very much in play).

I was happy that I had blogged and had got it out of the way, but I was running on empty and the vapours were not something I wanted to smell, something was rotten and for once it wasn’t me, but life itself, and for once I wasn’t going to be beaten, I had a cunning plan and I intended to put it into operation. Thankfully I was back to work and even that wasn’t cutting the mustard, well that’s not exactly true, it was, but I was listless, the days were just bleeding into each other, each day becoming just a mind numbingly boring slog, even coming through the front door to see our hell hound bouncing about because he’s happy to see me (WTF) didn’t kick start the motor of life, but at least there was a spark, that at least was something, I’m not used to being the centre of attention, ha go figure.

I had yet another Dr’s appointment actually it was meant to be with the practise nurse I started to panic when I saw a Dr sat in the room (oh dear now what?) as it happens   it wasn’t as bad as I thought, the super tanker that is me is slowly but gradually being pulled back on course, I was presented with a new medication (that was to have ramifications more of that later) I thought they were going to just call me fat! however I had lost some weight (again WTF!) nothing over the top but certainly baby steps,  the worrying thing was the fact that my test results for my heart weren’t back (I did try to tell them I didn’t have one!) ah well I have another appointment soon so maybe that will present me with some better news, back to more work and sometimes the wife is on her duty shift on a late shift and it would appear I have become accustomed to sitting in the dark at home, now not in a miserable or miserly well (well actually I’m not sure on the last part) I have used the cover of dark to sit and try and have a working plan for life in general and it has seemed to work (so far) it might not be perfect, but I’m getting there, baby steps boys and girls baby steps!

I have also spoken to the youngest on the odd occasion usually about food and how to cook something (seeing as how I’m the home Marco Pierre White……cough splutter not!) it’s nice to make contact even if for a little while, as I keep saying the world keeps turning and she is growing and starting to spread her wings, she is no longer our little girl anymore (try telling the wife that) for once it appears I am thinking of myself and giving myself some space, funny how that works, I need to be careful I might get to like it!

Again back to work and the 17th audit of the year thankfully the last one that is aimed at specifically me, not that I mind, my average is sitting at 96% I know I’m doing something right, if I’m not that’s what the audit is for, so unlike other people I never panic about an audit especially when the nearest person on the audit trail has a 71% rate (oh dear) I’m not perfect but I always try my best. Thankfully it is helping me come back to an even keel! Hopefully as you read this that you might realise I’m getting better, I’m not “happy” or “fixed” but I am fighting the good fight. Some people are having some very heavy times in their lives, I hope I can offer them the support that they have offered me over the last couple of months, this year has been decidedly shit for friends and family through sickness and health, Life will win in the end (it always does) I just have no intention of giving in or of going quietly (that’s the new me go figure) music has as always been helping and I have been playing even more music (if that is even possible) but it’s always the classics, but what the hell, I’m having fun with the stuff that I’m listening to and that’s what music has always been about!

We had a jolly jaunt to take the youngest some food supplies at Uni, I checked the weather forecast, “there’s going to be some rain but we should be OK” famous last words a journey that takes just over 70 minutes one way took a little over 150 minutes (you do the math) to get there, we didn’t stay long because of the condition of the rain soaked roads on the way there, but it took us over 390 minutes to get back with many diversions and downed trees with a smattering of drowned policemen doing a valiant task of getting us on our way home, the worst weather we have driven through, my hearts go out to the people in Cumbria and all of the support people who endured though that long night.

The next day although we were drained we had arranged to go and see G & E, who because of our situation we felt that we had neglected them, we simply hadn’t been the best company and G had enough on his plate without us adding to it, we even turned up on time ………..well for us, within ten minutes of the arranged time, we set off to The Rattler and had a wonderful Sunday lunch, but as always it ended way too soon, the previous days adventures were taking the toll, the wife had pulled something (ooo er missus) and was struggling with her breathing, we came home after a lovely meal (and even better company) like the old couple that we are and snuggled on the settee with the hell hound at our feet.

The following days have moved on at a swift pace, back to work and a brief respite with SMOR and his good lady, Whitesnake hit the toon and we were hooked up with brilliant seats (thanks man) and passes for the after show, we missed Black Star Riders (on purpose) after seeing them a half a dozen times in 18 months we wanted the company of a likeminded lunatic ( I can hear him now shouting “how very dare you”) we watched the band (no review I enjoyed it, I know I was surprised as much as you the reader hahaha  end of story) met with some peeps and missed loads more, we then headed out as Def Leppard were getting arrested for throwing a bag of cats down some stairs ………………..oh no I mean as Joe Elliott started singing, to be honest the last time I saw a full Leppard concert the drummer had two arms (High and Dry Tour if you were interested)  they have done some nice stuff, they just don’t interest me enough to want to watch them, good luck if you want to but no thanks for me.

The next day I was Duty Dog, I know me in in charge of a billion-pound shopping centre, it frightens me as well, well not as much as it used to. It’s a long shift which I usually while a way dealing with stupid people who should not be allowed out of the house, never mind their street without a carer! A quick turnaround after a late night does not make me a happy camper, but I got through the day painlessly and without killing or maiming anybody, a low profile was the order of the day, once home with the wife back indoors we were soon ensconced watching all the crap on the TV that we had recorded but not watched, I made a killer sweet and sour chicken meal and then we drifted off into a TV stupor, then we climbed up the wooden hill as we were returning to Carlisle to pick up our youngest and bringing her home so she can serve in servitude over Christmas or something similar, that sounds so wrong written but it still strikes my funny bone over and over again , mind you as I pull this particular funny out, I discovered that so far all university has done is to teach my youngest how to drop the F-Bomb with monotonous regularity………..go figure my tax pounds working for the good of the country, but as always I get ahead of myself!

We were able to drag ourselves from our pit at a silly time (I was going to say at the crack of dawn but the wife kept asking who the hell is Dawn?) of the morning at a time when darkness still ruled (I know its December I was trying to paint a picture) and headed westwards as more heavy weather was heading into Cumbria and we didn’t want a repeat of the previous weekend, the wife still wasn’t well, ongoing health issues no not me, mind you I do believe I am the perfect tonic! So I was concerned for her, we got there in record time announcing to the youngest that the eagle had landed, we were like UN peacekeepers going to get refugees out of a war torn country once on board we got the hell out of dodge with Charlie firing all they had at our Chinook……………………. hang on I’m having Vietnam flashbacks for some reason! We got out ahead of the bad weather although we could see it coming in, at the half way point we stopped at a Little Chef for second breakfast (well we were hungry Hobbits) the weather caught up with us and it was a steady downpour as we crawled back into Gimpsville, stopping briefly to pick up the hell hound (who the Kraken was looking after just in case that there was a repeat of last week’s debacle) we headed the last stretch with a hell hound going mental as he was really happy to see the youngest, the wife was working up a head of steam as she thought she was going to have parking issues (don’t ask, we could live miles from anybody and she would still get annoyed bless her…………..it’s good she has a hobby so to speak!) thankfully there was a spot and we gratefully retreated indoors before the snow arrived!

As it happens the snow kept falling, I took great pleasure in resumption of my kitchen duties and cooked for the family, and yes still it snowed then just as we were getting ready to snooze (I mean watch TV) the was a knock at the door (ok it was the doorbell, but the doorbell ringing just wasn’t as dramatic as it needed to be) it was keeper of the royal hounds and his good lady wife what a surprise, the whole of Gimpsville covered in snow and they had travelled all the way from sunny Shields to see “real snow” a wonderful surprise as we don’t get many visitors (let’s be honest who the hell visits Gimpsville especially in winter) as always with any visit it was over way too soon and they had to fight their way back to the land of the living (well sort of). Sunday was exactly what a Sunday should be, nice and quiet Monday was a return to work with some worrying problems, my new tablets were stating to give my kidneys problems and I was considering to stop taking them, then the flood gates opened quite literally, damn I had to be quick and there was (and as I type) still a few issues, tablets stopped being taken unfortunately I was told that wasn’t going to be the answer as it would take roughly the same length of time to flush them out of my system (damn that’s nearly ten days, I’m on day eight as I sit here) Tuesday was even worse, not funny and then there was the burning as well, I’m a bloke I’m crap at being poorly the wife was as always an angel of devotion (at least she didn’t say suck it up buttercup)I struggled on and at times I felt I was stuck in a pension queue at the post office, once home I tended to crawl into my spot on the settee, just me and the wife (as the youngest had been dragged off to the Kraken’s Lair) we were watching a programme (I can’t even remember what now) and it was describing the effects of PTSD, and wallop I was blindsided, thankfully it didn’t last long, I was more than impressed in how I dealt with the attack, the wife helped, but the black cloud ran away with its tail tucked between its legs, that’s a good sign although at the time it wasn’t.

The week progressed with major fallouts and an attempt on the Krakens life, I won’t be going into details simply because I wasn’t at either incident mind you if I had been for the falling out, I do believe the police might have been called to cart me off, I’m not a happy bunny some people (including Family) are a waste of skin. The week crawled towards the weekend not before the pit stop at the quacks, only for him to tell me that my heart is fine (WTF) and I’m doing all the good things for my other problem and to keep it up. Friday arrived and I came home as the wife went out to work I didn’t even turn on any electrical device I simply sat in the dark and brooded, again it wasn’t all good but it did get better, thankfully by the time the wife got home I had put the side lights on and was at least “cheery” I think it was the continuous running backwards and forwards to the loo that had me down, but the new me dusted myself off and I got on with it and I didn’t mind not being connected to that other world you know “the internet”!

Saturday came and I was duty dog again and it was funny watching people who didn’t get the bus go pale when they realise how much it is to get “public transport” ah well I hope you enjoy your Christmas parties later on in the day, I didn’t attend mine although I have been on an upward turn I still wasn’t anywhere ready for some social interaction, I was a good boy and came home and enjoyed an evening of Queen taped on the Sky box from the previous evening, and if you don’t mind me saying it was ………………………………………..AWESOME!

Saturday night we also had the Hurricane who was as always a handful (girls are so much easier to deal with) Sunday has been more of the same and at the moment we are getting our gear on to try and put some that’s crossed with a mink (vicious little critters) and a Tasmanian devil, and that’s just to get him up the stairs, I’m sure it will all work out in the end. Back to work for a short week in the run towards Christmas, the last shift being a duty dog shift the rota always goes pear shaped at the end of the year although the wife was on time at the end of the shift well I say on time for her 40 minutes isn’t too bad, according to her she can do no wrong, well would can I say to that well I can think of a few things but surely they are not printable in a family blog (WTF) Christmas came and went with hardly any issues, the dinner I cooked was nice and on time just like the Kraken who didn’t stay too long, Santa wasn’t kind because I’m told I’m too old for that shit, although I did manage to get myself some CD’s ( an Al Di Meola box set, a couple of Supertramp classics a Black Sabbath album that I didn’t have a bought copy of, all classics) now I just have to get through my holiday and go back to work (I’m dreading what I have to go back to but hopefully it will keep my brain occupied) just the wife swearing at technology (and she is our geek squad) if I put a swear box in the living room she would be owing the box a few million pounds I kid you not!

So there you go the last blog of the year, I intend for them to be written by a happier (fingers crossed) person in the new year and my intention is to post 52 blogs next year, some may be small but they will be posted whether I like it or not, misery will not be allowed to have company, life’s too short and I don’t want the few friends and readers that I have to get the idea that I’m an old misery (old yes misery no). Times have been crap and hopefully this year we might (although I gave up holding my breath years ago) just get some good times, I’m sure there will be tears after what’s gone before us but hopefully less and less and a stronger stride in our pace as we take on life at its own game, I’m not asking for much, just a little sunshine to peak out from behind the clouds every now and again, so until the new year keep spreading the disease (I really do mean word) watch the skies for incoming I wish you and yours all the best and a fabulous new year until then……Toodles!


Oi life come and get me ya Bastard, I’m ready and waiting for Ya!

Sunday 29 November 2015

This is the picture

Now don't be alarmed, don't panic I'm going to say a few things here that some might think that I'm being controversial, I'm not really its just depends on how you view the big picture!

Firstly this is going to be the penultimate blog of the year, there I said it, I loving writing but I'm not in the right place to publish anything, too much going on in my tiny mind to comprehend, nobody can argue with that, as nobody knows what's going on in my head! I'm totally sick of publishing bile and although I have a ton of ideas that aren't bile, I'm not happy posting stuff that's not 100% I'm struggling with the big picture and I feel disconnected from the wife and all living things, so I believe that I have to at least offer her some support, this is not goodbye but quality control (at last) or so I would have myself believe.

I need to get some traction in my life, I have nobody to blame for this malaise but myself, if I don't get some traction people are going to get fed up and will cut the ties that bind, I know I have had a load of offers of help and I thank you all for that, however its something that I need to do, no matter how many offers of assistance I receive its something only I can do, so don't think that I have hit rock bottom (nearly but not quite) I know that I have to dust myself off and get on with it, I have done it before I'm sure that I can do it again.

I just had the crappiest birthday with only my brother really remembering it, not that I normally celebrate it, but the fact that the kids have to be reminded by their mother kicked me in the slats just a tad, adding up to my (imaginary ) tale of woes, so today I shall begin the long haul back to normality, if anybody wants to have a pop you can, just try walking a mile in my shoes then you might understand why I have become such a fucking misery, maybe it will shine some light on to why I am wired the way that I am.

So as I have said I am trying to right the displaced ballast (I'd love to know why I use all these nautical terms) in my rusty keel so if you see me on the street trust me I am trying to do my best, the blogs both old and new have being doing great business, and I have no idea why! over 15000 this year alone, go figure, keep spreading the disease I will be back hopefully better, but if all is equal I doubt before the new year, maybe a year round up and then to kick off the new year in a better frame of mind, I love all of the people who read and comment so don't panic its just a speed bump in the road, until the next time Toodles!

Tuesday 17 November 2015

Silence amongst the static


This has been the longest darkest week of our lives, thankfully it begins to drew to a close tonight, huge amounts of damage have been done, however with the love of good friends we appear to have arrived at the other side battered but not bowed.

We lost a beloved member of the family this week and at such a young age, none of us were prepared for the despair that followed in its wake, the loss is terrible and although I have to admit to being a cold fish, I’m destroyed for the loss, I’m destroyed for the wife as I seem to be able to do little to console her although I won’t give up trying! Thankfully he is now at rest, not suffering anymore after that horrible disease claimed him way too early in his life, thankfully that “C” word meant nothing to him, it did nothing to shrink his happy go lucky demeanour.

There been a family fallout earlier in the illness, something which could have been avoided, but that’s not what the blog is about, it’s something that should have been avoided, it didn’t help either side, both sides suffered, us from not having as much access and the other side not being able to take up our offers of support, we bimbled on as best we could with short outbursts of emotion, totally debilitating  the wife when it hit, but she is made of sterner stuff and soon got back on the horse and rode on.

I attempted to bury myself at work, it worked to a degree but I was always easily distracted, the bear was not available for any meetings I hid more than I did work, my boss and work mates were fantastic, I honestly probably would have slid back into the dark old ways if not for them, I’m sure they weren’t aware, but they really did save the day for me. Music has as always been a constant, helping my many moods, especially when I didn’t want to connect to the outside world, which was often if I’m being honest, we got to see the little man one last time and he directed us to where we had to stand, the happiest point (for me) of the last few months, we had been told not expect much but as soon as he saw the wife he sat up happy over the moon to see her even the morphine couldn’t rob him of that happy moment in time, that will live with me for the rest of my natural life!

We were going to see him the following week but it wasn’t to be he slipped away, but we were there within five minutes and the wife got to hold him one last time, he really did love her, he loved being cuddled by her. Then our world tilted and ground to a halt and we had to try and keep it together for the sake of our own sanity, I was fine until I had to phone my boss and then I blubbed like a girl, work again was fantastic and I rallied all of the defences to come to the wife’s aid, it was agreed that the Hurricane would stay with us over the coming weekend, I’m not going say why I think it happened this isn’t the forum for that, we were just thankful to have that little bundle of dynamite over the threshold once more.

The week passed and we did what we were supposed to, we grieved, even me, we had arranged for the youngest daughter to come home and for once the house would filled with joyous noise, the Hurricane arrived and he was so excited to be here within a minute of being here he launched himself to the bottom of the stairs, stopping all of our hearts at once, I honestly thought he had broken his neck, thankfully he sat and grinned then realised he needed to cry for some sympathy and sweets, crocodile tears flowed for all of about 12 seconds and then he took off like a hurricane through the house, which he demolished and rebuilt over the course of the weekend several times, shouting at the top of his lungs his favourite word of the moment ”POOP” we soon cured him of that, every time he said his favourite word aunty kissed him, yup a typical little boy he stopped almost straight away. We did our usual yomp around Gimpsville, well he went on his scooter and I limped behind! More cards and flowers arrived and again I was doing really well until a card arrived from work with lots of people’s condolences “damn I sprung another leak” thankfully my defences were built tall and strong it was just the odd freak wave that got me from time to time.

The weekend finished quicker than I thought and soon he was heading home, the wife and the youngest had arranged a night out with friends to cheer themselves, me I sat in the house in the dark, I enjoyed it and not in a bad way, it just gave me time to think good thoughts, which was strange! Monday a last day to sort out things for the coming day, and we soon headed to our pits awaiting that dreaded day, Morning soon came back over the hill and I was up and making breakfast just like any other day, no matter what happens the world never stops turning. It started to rain, was this the littles man way of saying he was happy, I’m not sure, but he was ever present at the forefront of my brain for the rest of the day, I busied myself with cleaning shoes so that we could look nice and clean for inspection, the rest of the day went by in a blur and we were soon heading home and thankfully the wife didn’t turn into the Kraken, it was close but not close enough.

We got home and again we said we would look after the Hurricane, once again straight away he is into the sweets (we have taught him well) and the little blighter has only swallowed a bloody cola cube damn he is putting us through the hoops, crisis averted the youngest heads back to Uni, I sit here and my heart breaks as he looks at me and tells me he misses his brother, nobody should have to go through this at his age. Now we have to pick ourselves up and get on with our lives, they won’t go on as before, but we will do our best.

The blogs will hopefully now be able to try and return to some kind of normalcy, can’t promise but I will try, thank you to everybody in my life who have helped us over the last few months, I know thank you might not seem a lot but it’s all I have left, so once again thank you from the heart of my bottom (well I did say I was trying to return things to an even keel) so watch the skies there will another one along soon so until then Toodles!

Tuesday 3 November 2015

I Am A Wildebeest!


Honestly I thought I was a rather “large” person until I saw Vince Neil on stage last night in Newcastle, again as always I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s pretend you are Tommy Lee strap yourself in, it could turn into a bumpy ride!

The night didn’t start out well with a large number of texts between me and the wife regarding conversations that we had had with each other in the run up to the gig:

No I don’t want my Jeans

The camera is on the video cabinet

Will you be on time??????????????? Yep you know she wasn’t!

Now if she had only listened the first time around…………………what am I thinking why on earth would she listen to me for!

A very busy day had me crippled (dodgy knees will do that to you) so my mood wasn’t the best, when she claimed that she was going to be at least another forty minutes (GRRRR) I did what I do best and I waited. She finally turned and thankfully we weren’t too off with each other (well for us) so we soldiered on as we do, and got parked up in our desired location I jumped out and stripped off (down girls down)  into my “gig” clothes (t-shirt and hoody- woo hoo) we then made contact with SMOR who was in the town with his good lady, so we said we aren’t far from where you are we will wait for you and meet up, well we waited and waited and waited it turns out SMOR had lost his sense of direction (WTF) once we finally  located him we ensconced ourselves on the ground floor  at the mile castle as SMOR had been to his regular ballet lesson and put his back out. Captain Bluebeard played a flying visit with his lovely lady and the night looked like it was going to be a good one.

Food consumed, we galloped (yeah right with his back and my knees) to the venue I told SMOR he couldn’t get lost he just had to follow the tribes of freaks heading towards the venue. Soon we were chatting and waving at lots of people who we knew (alright 95% of them knew the wife and thought I was just tagging along as a carer) and we chuckled as we watched SMOR climb the stairs to the venue one painful step at a time.

Now if you are a regular reader of the blog you know I won’t do a song by song account of the gig, I will give you the juicy bits, first the night was almost ruined because me and the wife couldn’t catch a battery falling through the air the same speed as an African sparrow, this really was a game changer and to think that we were about to go to war over a battery sums up our night (stop buying shite battery’s) thankfully the crisis was soon averted when we finally discovered it in the changeover, Alice Cooper was as always great, he had 50 minutes and he pulled out (most of) the stops, he always has a top notch band, although the fact that the bass player had half a sheep around his neck was just a little off putting, my only complaint was we didn’t need a drum solo a bass solo and a whammy bar exercise, we come to see Alice not the band, and yes in a two hour show he might need a breather but in 50 minutes (no thank you) how about another song? if you ever get the chance go and see him it’s well worth it.

The changeover was well coordinated but it looked like chaos at times, we then settled down for the main event, now I will admit to not being a fan, I like John Corabi and I would have preferred to have seen him, I have blogged about the band before (back in the mists of time in a blog entitled “A wet and soggy muff” don’t ask) to be honest when the stage was finally all sorted I was surprised and it was a pleasant surprise, it turned out to be a great show (the sound wasn’t fantastic where we were) but a full blown rock extravaganza, a drummer on a roller coaster and enough explosions to send someone with PTSD back to the beaches of Normandy!   Although I am positive that when he started singing “Anarchy in the UK” the opening line that he sang was “I am a Wildebeest” boy he certainly looked like one as well, I get why people like the band, and shock horror the singer even sang (kind of) but to be honest I’m glad that I won’t have to panic that the wife will melt the credit card whenever they announce dates, a great gig with great bands with only a couple of tweaks it would have been a top ten gig. The ladies were nice not for any other reason than it annoyed the wife, she can drool over Nikki Five or whatever you call the bass player but I can’t appreciate two energetic singer’s/dancer types, there no double standards there at all is there (oh have you not met my wife) and will somebody please don’t let mick mars do another guitar solo, I could throw it down the stairs more tunefully1

Then we took our own sweet time to leave (8000 leaving at once we weren’t going anywhere quick) and bumped into tons more people (well ok the wife did, I’ve never been that popular) but we did bump into G&E which really did make my night, finally my battered knees made it to the car and we drove home in some of the thickest fog of my life, duty manager today meant I could have a lie in, erm actually no I slept in first time ever, what the hell happened there, another musical blog anybody would think life is normal, it will be if we keep bumping into all the lovely people that we did last night, until the next blog  keep watching the skies………..INCOMING ………..for now Toodles

Thursday 22 October 2015

Angel and me

Ok lets try and do something with a positive spin for a change, with all the shit that's going on we desperately needed a win, thankfully we got one!

The wife rang me to tell me she was going to buy Glenn Hughes tickets for Newcastle I had no issue with this as I believe that the man has the voice of an angel, he has a tendency to wander off the beaten track but a simple rule of thumb if it has Mr Hughes on it I will like/love it (with the exception of his Christmas album..........really...........please lets not go there.......ok) tickets bought I went into panic mode as I soon realised that I was duty manager on that particular day, damn I was going to be popular (or travelling home alone after my shift) if I couldn't do some fancy footwork and get a swap, thankfully someone who normally isn't helpful, was, so I only had three minutes of panic, now we just had to count the days down to the big day!

Work continued in a westerly direction, I had a jolly jaunt away from home where I discovered one of my many bosses was coming to visit me at work, he turned up the day before Glenn arrived in Newcastle and his parting words on the Monday were "oh yes by the way I'm auditing you tomorrow" don't panic, I'm not prepared, deep breath, don't panic, try not to swear, I arrived at work the next day and just plunged straight in, if there was anything wrong, it would serve as an indicator that do I indeed need assistance, grrrrrr (carried on @onemandoingtheworkofsix.com) and to say it was a roller coaster would be an understatement, the first point that we took a break was eight hours later when we both realised that it was quarter to five, damn how did that happen, he seemed pleased and we reported back to my Ops Manager, the wife turned up with spiffing red hair and then promptly picked on me, I simply said it had been a long hard day and that I hadn't had anything to eat, she kicked off big style, I get where she was coming from but it was one of those days, if I had noticed the time during the day I would have drawn my boss's attention to it, he didn't eat either, so the toys were thrown out of the car and we were barely out of the car park............not a  great start ho hum!

Thankfully we both knew it was a storm in a tea cup and thankfully we were soon sat with SMOR and his good lady, munching our way through some good old fashioned Scampi, and then the shenanigans started, a few more pubs and lots and lots of familiar faces, simply the best tonic in the world although I was suffering (my knees just don't hold up as well as they used to) we ended up in the Bodega and SMOR's drink of choice wasn't available, cue much consternation thankfully crisis averted as soon as he had a pint thrust into his empty hand, A (who had been in the venue earlier on in the day) and lots more people (who in reality are the wife's friends but they are gracious enough to accept me as a Jonny come lately .....lol) who it was fantastic to see, lots of short but oh so sweet conversations, it doesn't take much to feed the soul but this was so good!

Then off to Tilley's by this time I'm bloated, Lime and Soda will do that to a man and then even more people, a few who I didn't know, some I knew a little bit and one person who I seem to think is a bigger dick every time I meet him (although I have never spoken to this individual) he might be lovely, unfortunately he just acts like a dick, or was it the fact that I'm sober these days, hey ho he moved on and was promptly forgotten about!  we headed on to the venue and then bumped into even more people and Big G, a brief conversation and G knew what the set list was going to be and he claimed  it was going to be strange, I was happy to take whatever was given, then even more people in the bar, by this time my knees were shot I needed a rest, and unfortunately I missed some people who are always gracious enough to say hello, more of my fave people and by this time I do believe I had a (happy) silly grin on my face, damn is  this what its  like to be happy (hell yeah).

Off to our seats in the circle which were perfect viewing but tiny (Victorian theatre seats) and mine was wrecked I don't think my fat ass helped (oops!) the gig was (again I'm not here to review it) good, although I did have a few niggles (me with my reputation) there were only two songs I didn't care much for one a Whitesnake song that Doug Aldrich (Glenn's current guitarist) wrote, ok I get it but there are better songs within the Doug Aldrich cannon (musical term look it up) and one Deep Purple song (mistreated) which although it was played to perfection at just under nine minutes (including Glenn's impression of a whale) we could have  had two more Glenn songs, from any point in his career (how about something off Black Sabbath's Seventh Star............oh controversial) the set list was a tad strange but I think it would have benefitted from being played in reverse, less widdly less solo's, looking at the description you might think it was a shit gig, it wasn't it was good but not a patch on the potential that it had, three really good musicians finding there feet, come back next year and it might just be "F***ING AWESOME! allegedly the sound downstairs wasn't the best but in the circle I didn't have any complaints.

Then came the obligatory meet and greet SMOR(in a nice way) being in the game wants to meet the people who he is friends with and works with, we again bumped into friends who we waited with while we waited for the gracious Mr Aldrich to turn up and take a heap of abuse from SMOR, we headed  out into the street only to be greeted by a huge wall of rain where the hell had this come from time was slipping away we had to say our fond farewells, not before cunning plans had been devised (watch this space) we drove back through the hills to Gimpsville and at some ridiculous time of night had a cup of tea and said thank you to our gracious host and his good lady!

The next morning I was up for the quarterly bloods that my life disease dictates that I must do, then off for a chest x ray as the Dr seems to think that I have a heart and not a swinging brick! back home to get ready for work but not before our cunning plan was put into place (Hotel booked for the end of January, its only a night away but I have the feeling the weekend has the potential to be fab) then off to the asylum to take charge of the inmates in what turned out to be national twat day as we were swamped with twats all over the site and it made my most hated shift into a long pain in the butt! the wife turned up to carry my weary body back to the home of our hearts (not) and then a quick rise and back to work for yet another day, thankfully one more and then nine days off to do nothing but small chores and long hours of butt scratching!

The only negative that has come out of this blog was a conversation with SMOR and for some reason that I was under the impression that the Electric boys supported 24/7spyz at Newcastle Riverside but SMOR corrected me and reminded me it was actually Stevie Salas and his Colorcode, which now leaves me scratching my head who the hell did the Electric Boys play with on that night way back in the 90's at the Riverside I'm sure somebody will remind me, I just remember being disappointed as they treated it like one big jamming session, which bored my drunk ass, I wanted to see this tight ass rock band, thankfully I saw them support Thunder at the City Hall and they were so damn good, and that brings this to a close hopefully not the misery fest that these seems to head down the road, life isn't perfect but I know I have so many good friends out there who are so damn supportive, I met a friend this morning at work who I know has been going through some rough times (much worse than me) I was happy to give him some much needed love (calm down) he is a really good guy, who hasn't got over the death of his father, hopefully I helped even if just a little, it does help if you can help somebody it costs nothing to be nice! so until the next time enjoy and spread (the blog far and wide remember to watch the skies........incoming!

Until then Toodles!  

Sunday 11 October 2015

Just what i needed

Life as it happens always tries to drag you down the side streets of oblivion, throwing up road blocks of unhappiness, pain and misery, now our responsibility to ourselves is to try and drive over these blips in our life and enjoy what time we have on this blue pearl called planet earth, oh a dark and mysterious beginning, unfortunately anybody who knows me in the real world will know that our family life has been turned upside down, not something I intend to go into any detail here, I will at some point, just not right now, so the tray with all our teacups has been upended, but you know what I don't care and I'm certainly not going to give up!

 Blogs like seeds of happiness will be in short supply for the coming weeks, I have to admit to being devoid of any willingness to write which is a shame as numbers have picked up and some of the responses have been so damn good, I will when I can, however they might end up being like buses (either they don't turn up or you might get three in one week) I am increasingly fighting many battles on many fronts, at some point I will be worn down but I will never be defeated.

Work and health issues have been one and the same, but I have to admit to being disappointed that my get up and go has got up and fucked off (pardon the expression but it fits its purpose) and although I am putting on a brave face, I was in desperate need of some cheering up, cunning plans were many in the mix but very few were coming to fruition, the finances as always kicking us in the slats , but the wife and I thought sod it that's what the overdraft is for!

We have been missing our youngest (who has buggered off to university) not that she adds much noise to the family household, but her presence is always a positive thing, she is appearing(starring) in the latest version of Macbeth with Michael Fassbender supporting her, so we hatched a plot to go and see her at our local boutique cinema in Newcastle (the big city) to see her immortalised on the big screen, the day came and I had a real busy day at work teaching five courses in one eight hour stretch which requires me to be on my feet all of the time, I like to get people to interact with me, standing behind the podium is not for me, rather than travel back to Gimpsville I stayed at work at the end of the day and suffered in silence as I waited for the wife to arrive from the future with her amazing time machine, once picked up we arrived in a city brimming with people there to see a freak show where grown men fiddle with odd shaped balls!

We got our tickets (how much? do you not realise our daughter is the star) we had time to kill so we wandered off in search of sustenance avoiding the overfull, overpriced venues, we were on a budget here, hells bells the wife was going sneak some popcorn into the cinema (I felt like a Victorian street urchin sat with toffs once we got in there) we finally ended up at the American Embassy (McDonalds to the uninitiated) and munched our way through our really appetising meal (not) and we took a slow meander back to the venue (that's all I could manage by this time) stopping off to watch some Tonka's and blacks doing strictly come dancing (again with strange shaped balls) I do believe the Tonka's won the dance off, although we only saw the first five minutes of the game.

We then joined the wine brigade as we waited patiently for the appearance of our daughter on the big screen, and literally within the first couple of minutes there she was, bang in the middle of the screen, we very nearly jumped up like two Newcastle United supporters in the wrong section of the Stadium of shite surrounded by Orcs  (well it is in Mordor) it was all I could to keep the wife from going off like a roman candle (obscure Marillion reference) in the dark, then I drifted to the land of nod for five minutes which didn't impress the wife, at least I didn't snore (did I?) damn it had been a long day for me, but I was soon ensconced watching the fabulous scenes but being bored by the dialogue (hells bells do it in modern English so we can at least decipher what is going on) out spot out, really ah get away for fucks sake and then again in an even bigger (longer) scene there's the youngest again , proud parents your darn tooting we are, the film finished and we quite gleefully headed home to Gimpsville.

We fell into our pits a happy couple (probably with shit kicking grins on our faces) sure that the next day was going to be even better, the wife had to go to work and then head to a reunion of The Tee Hee Club, the day sort of dragged for me in the house (researching German Fire classifications what a rock n roll life I lead I hear you say) the pooch put in his cage I decided to head out for the plague carrier to meet up with the wife (please do try and keep up Plague carrier = public transport in this case a bus) and I was happy that the look of panic on staff at work  when they saw me arrive on site still warms the cockles of my heart (bless them) finally the wife finished work and we headed off on a route approved by Securicor as the wife never ever takes the same route twice, a quick pit stop for motion lotion and we soon in our old familiar haunts of South Shields to be met by the faces of E & G and KC tables dragged together and then more faces turned up (more letters of the alphabet but you should be able to work out if you have read the blog a cast of millions) A & C and much to my surprise the ninja pairing of P & G and to be honest it was a little overwhelming for me, but I was a good soldier and literally half listened and just soaked the atmosphere in (£43 for Christmas cake ingredients, do you not know how much drink you can buy with all that LOL) soon there was too many people to talk to all at once and there were many handshakes and man hugs all around, this was the best night in such a long time.

Then it went sideways (in a really good way) it went sideways thanks to alcohol (not me I'm a lime and soda boy these days) KC's lovely wife and sister and law turned up and  then for some reason we needed our ears measured, which we all gladly did, size isn't everything (LOL) then more chat and more drinks for peeps and then it was decided noses needed to measured and again we all sat and went through the process willingly, I could see where this was going (silliness third stop  after sensibility) then one of the ladies went off marauding for supplies and came back with large provisions of (borrowed/stolen = delete as you think appropriate) cold garlic bread (erm no thank you) we all were to frightened too ask by this point and unfortunately we were struggling with the broken (drunken) English responses we were getting to our questions, at this point Time stepped in and reminded us of our real life responsibilities and just as quickly as it started, the night was breaking away, melting like a snowflake in a child's hand, we said our farewells and got the hell out of dodge before anything else needed to be measured! a great night way too short and me and the wife felt so guilty because we didn't really get to go around the group as we would have liked, but it filled our (emotion) tanks with happiness what a great day after so many shit filled ones!

Then we headed back up the mountain to Gimpsville and sat and watched the google box, doing things that we normally do, before heading off to bed still happy, we were awoke earlier than we thought as the wife was asked if she would do a shift today (the curse of zero hour contracts) so all of our plans will be rammed into a short space of time tonight with me planning a lovely Sunday dinner for when she gets home, waiting for the new week to begin. and that they say is that, I am sat here feeling cheerful (well for me cheerful) especially considering I have just fought (and lost) yet another battle with technology, hey ho that's the way the cookie crumbles, so if you are a regular reader I can only apologise for the lack of consistency from me for the blogs but life is stamping on my head at the moment and me supporting my wife and family is what comes first, I take delight knowing that I have fantastic friends who know how to cheer us up, I hope you enjoyed the blog watch the skies for more to come soon ................incoming............until then Toodles! 

oh and yes the name game is in play I actually have the 7 inch single.................go figure!

Thursday 1 October 2015

Emotional Rescue

For once this blog isn't about me, well in a way it is but only in a slight way, this blog is for my rock the person who for the last nearly 25 years has kept me on an even keel for most days, she just about dresses me, she points me in the right direction, we may fight like Al and Peg Bundy, but I love her with all of my heart, she is my light, my day, my one true constant.

I love my wife and although she might not read this blog, as she has a lot more to do than read the scribblings of her lunatic husband, I feel as though as though I don't say it enough, usually because I'm working my nuts off or I'm in a deep dark hole and she is as always hauling my ass out of the fire, well figuratively speaking, she has a lot to contend with, what with Me the Kraken and the rest of our so called family she is like a harbour wall she has bore the brunt of way too many storms, I do try to help as much emotionally as I can for her, however I always feel as though its never enough, the woman has the broadest shoulders I know, but I think I need to give her more.

I know she rarely complains, I know I wind her up most of the time (mostly unintentionally) and I know as our journey goes on she has a quiet weep from time to, as she tries to cope with the burden that the entire family puts upon her shoulders, I know I will always be at fault, I don't mind that I just want her to have some good fortune, for her to have some peace not all the heartache that seems to be poured her way of late.

I know today has not been the kindest for her, but she has picked herself and her worries up with great dignity and decided that like the world we all have to keep on moving, I love her with my whole being even after the worst fights that we could have, I still love her and I don't think I can stop telling her, my life is all the better for her being in it.

Not much of a blog I can hear you say, I  had being trying to put some distance between the last couple of blogs and go somewhere a little bit more upbeat, I know I have failed miserably, but all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and see where it takes me, as long as I have her by myside I know I won't fail, I know I have to repay her loving kindness, this is not designed to solicit sympathy its just a man expressing his deepest love for the woman of his dreams over the last 24 years, if you know her personally give a little bit of love, lord knows she could use some, if you don't know her say a little prayer from which ever deity you support, I know its a cliché but I love her, until the next time Toodles.

Saturday 19 September 2015

Farcebook Twatter and Giggle!

As we all start to feel more and more disconnected from reality, as I feel more and more alone, my phone confidently connects me to the outside world and all within the blink of an eye! as the world and its inhabitants feels more and more lost their phones calmly knows how to reconnect us all with the greater points of our lives, Farcebook, Twatter and Giggle, it helps us remember who the actor was who played Cop number three, you know the one on the left of the screen the one with limp!

My/Our phone(s) smugly recalls literally everything I/We increasingly struggle to remember, how to use the Nouns, Verbs and Adjectives that once stood proud at the front of my brain (who the hell am I kidding) ready to articulate my thoughts, oh boy do I miss those days, back in the day when I wasn't a sheep and I could think for myself! my phone taunts me with all the words I have ever written, there can only be one possible conclusion, slowly but surely I have somehow outsourced my mind my consciousness  to my phone and to make matters worse the bloody thing knows it.........and just for fun its starting to fuck with me!

Several times over the course of the week I feel it vibrate (ooer missus) in my pocket, alerting me to the fact that some vital critical information has arrived, but then when I get intrigued there's fuck all there, damn and blast it machine GRRRR! No email no Farcebook notification, was the buzz in my brain? was the tingle in my pants something else? (I doubt it)  no, I know its just my phone doing what it does best, its fucking with me, and its not just mine its all of them!

They are working together in cahoots or however you wish to word it, systematically robbing us of our own independent intelligence, (at what point time did duck faces become popular? oh I know the arrival of the mobile phone camera) our humanity and we fawn over these pieces of technology and make ourselves more reliant and subservient (stupid) they have every intention of taking over , its just a matter of time that the latest IPhone or whatever popular brand will be fitted with an opposable thumb, oh yeah I can see it now, they are smart (phones) world domination starts right here right now!

I have to call the world and start to tell people that the end  is nigh.........oh great I have no bars! dear god what is happening.........................don't worry I can feel the medication kicking in drooooool.

This was written in happier times last year and I kept it in the vain hope I might find a place to post it, I'm in a good place (mentally) at the moment so I thought I would have a tinker, although it is true at what point in time did Banana, Doors, Farcebook, Twatter and Giggle ( not the real corporate names but I really don't wish to be sued for having an opinion I'm sure that you are all bright enough to work out who I mean) we are driven by technology as I sit here typing this the wife is the only one not using technology (for a change) there's usually three different bits of kit being used for three different purposes, maybe that's why the family life is so disconnected, damn here's me trying to be witty (me with my reputation) life used to be so much simpler (just like me) LOL!

The last blog went through the roof triple digits within forty eight hours, all I can say is wow and thank you, you made a depressed person so damn happy over those days, and although its still going strong I feel the need to get this one out, just to keep my feet on the ground, the weekend has been so busy and probably another blog to keep you all in the loop about what has been going on in my life, the house is going to be just that little bit more quiet come tomorrow but that will be the next blog so watch this space. again thank you for all of the love, likes, shares or whatever it you lot did to spread the disease until then watch the skies................Toodles!


Sunday 13 September 2015

Sometimes i feel so low

Sorry boys and girls but I have to get technical with you as I have had a bit of a week with one or two of you getting a bit antsy, some of you wondering why I have down shifts in mood and why the "cheer up it might never happen" doesn't work, even the wife who is usually my rock made the stunning comment "you are the only misery in this house" give the girl a coconut! and if she doesn't get it people like me who are doing our best to trudge through life are well and truly screwed!

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being People with depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, ashamed or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present. A depressed mood is a feature of some psychiatric syndromes such as major depressive disorder.

That's the technical description and with the exception of being suicidal, I have at some point had or still do have all of those symptoms, I don't control them they control me, I'm better now than I have been in the last 33 years, yes I got some help but in some ways it opened up a bigger can of worms, I do know I have suffered manic depression for the last five years, what triggered it off I have no idea, but trust me on bad days I can understand why people get suicidal, my shrink that I saw last year says that I have good defense mechanism, as my main out look on life is as long as I wake up happy! but what happens if I ever wake up unhappy.

The fact that I have set myself impossibly high standards for myself, yet not for others seems to be the starting point, but isn't it silly that you don't really notice something until a qualified person (in this case my shrink) points it out, certain people had pointed this out to me before, but as always I chose to ignore them. My PTSD didn't help matters and although I seem to have a much better grip on it these days (you are never really cured) was this the rock that started my cheese to slide of my cracker.

I am a better person today than I was a year ago, I am more balanced than I have ever been in the last 33 years of my life (go figure) I work with a great bunch of people (who although they don't realise it help me immeasurably) I have some fantastic friends and although I find it hard to express my self I do indeed love every single one of you, but saying cheer up misery doesn't cut the mustard I'm afraid. do you not think if I could I would.

The emails I received this week were from long time readers of the blog and who I soon realised that English is not their first language so the nuances of my written attempt at English may be slightly off kilter, but we discussed and soon resolved our issues, a bad day yesterday with my blood pressure didn't help, neither did me getting up early to cook breakfast for everybody as they snoozed away the morning, Then a stroppy wife looking for a pair of shoes that seem to have disappeared sent the wife into the stratosphere resulting in said misery comment and now I sit alone in the festering at the comment unhappy and quite angry. I saw a poster this week and it said "depression is like living with a body that wants to live but your brain just wants to die" that is so true and until you experience it please don't make little comments that don't help at all.

Sorry if this sounds like I am on my high horse I'm not, it doesn't take much for me to slide down in a deep dark hole, although I do try to give an outwardly impression of happiness, my eyes I know are telling different stories, I know I'm sinking into  a black mood that will be difficult to shake, but I won't be beaten, I intend to fight it very step of the way, I want to get back to the fun loving person I used to be (yeah I know I don't recognise the description either) I don't quit, I want to be a better person for my wife for my family for my friends and for the people who I work with, don't say I don't have a game plan because I do, its just damn hard getting out of this sludge, that's me done  until the next time, keep spreading the disease and watch the skies............incoming until then Toodles!

Sunday 6 September 2015

Salutations from the Ghetto nation


Holidays are starting to be a necessary evil, I have no idea what to do, this probably stems from the fact that you need money to do anything these days, and as always my financial situation looks like somebody has blasted it to death (some blame the wife but I like to sleep at night, cough splutter coming dear) with a double barrelled shotgun, it was time to do some fancy footwork, borrow some more and pay less. Go figure! Hopefully in five years’ time I could be debt free hahaha yeah right, have you met the wife?

So fancy footwork done, it was just a case of watching the dots join up and make sure I didn’t do the same thing all over again, this gave us some breathing space and a little ready cash (woo hoo), I awoke on the Monday of my holiday (a bank holiday so obviously we were going out on the lash……erm no) not having a clue what to do, to be honest I felt run down and tired, thankfully the wife had tasks to do with the Kraken, me I lay round like a loppy dog, actually that’s not quite true a loppy dog had more energy.

Tuesday was slightly better and I was up with the larks (pilarks) as the wife was off to do something she had never done before, picking up a new car that she had signed her life away (let’s not go into the details, she’s happy and I’m a long time dead) after we calmed her down enough to get her into the car, we headed off to the posh part of our ride home and I treated her to breakfast (damn I spoil this girl) and generally we pottered on for the rest of the day the list of jobs wasn’t shrinking but I wasn’t bothered either. Wednesday was more of the same except that I suddenly remembered that Warrior Soul and their circus were coming to Gimpsville, how had I forgotten that one, some cunning plans had been put into place when the dates were announced but I wasn’t holding my breath, my mood swings at the best usually scuppered any chance of being motivated to going, even though the venue is only two hundred yards from my front door!

Communications were established with the guilty parties using various means of communication, the wife nearly threw a Pigeon into the air for the professor, before it was confirmed that he was attending, lots of conversations with peeps who although I do speak to from time to time were totally not expected some were coming weren’t, but it did actually make me a bit of a happy camper (me with my reputation) giddy with excitement I decided to refresh my memory of the bands back catalogue, I liked the debut album but drifted away after the second and third, I had read a couple of interviews and he came across as a dick, I have enough real ones I don’t need any extra thank you.

I soon discovered that I hadn’t been wrong I still “like” the first one and well I thought the next two were simply “ok” but enjoyable enough to want to tag along and it had been announced that it was free entry, my kind of price tag! Directions or at least a post code to get to a friendly car park were dispatched, and Thursday ran away from us it was soon time to go and meet up with people who by their own admission had never been to Gimpsville (WTF)! This was about to get very interesting, oh dear! We soon made contact and discovered these poor souls walking amongst the walking dead and we got them to the sanctuary of our local Spoons, Pints acquired and a table found we soon got down to the serious side of the night catching up, gossip and laughter was the order of the night as well as some very off colour humour (if it’s not sick it’s not funny) we had discovered the main act wasn’t going on until ten(ish) so we took our time, before we headed out into the evening heading towards the club that does indeed rock.

There was a good news bad news scenario awaiting for us, the support act were about to go on (bugger) but I was met with the sight of Big G as I came across the threshold, Me and Big G go back a long way and I was shocked that this was indeed his first visit to the delta in nearly 20 years, we spent a number of years trying to drink Gimpsville dry, I think Big G came close a few times, so many good times and only a few (and I mean a few) bad times mixed in, a lot of these memories flooded back, the support act plodded on as we tried to have a conversation (do they not know who we are) nothing deep and meaningful just chit chat, I soon realised that Big G is probably the person I miss most from my past, but times move on and we float in different circles close enough to wave from a distance, I appreciate those times more and more, maybe there’s a blog or ten in there (no way Jose) at least Big G has kept in touch and makes no promises, it’s just damn good to see him whenever we do.

The support band indeed did plod on, they were ok but I  found myself picking faults (old habits die hard) WTF do I know I can’t play I can’t sing………………..ok let’s quit there hahaha! Another pint and thankfully it ended, maybe under different circumstances, they weren’t the worst, neither were they the best, just a complication that we could have done avoided. Kory Clarke flounced in half way through their set and you could see he looked a tad “unsteady” this could be a bit interesting, His girlfriend/manager was following him around with a bag (his medical supplies maybe ……..actually it turned out no) and as he launched himself onto the stage (and I mean launched) she set about sorting out the merchandise on a trestle table (damn I take a bigger bag to work) three songs was all it took for me and the wife to look at each other and silently think “Food” we said our goodbyes and I came away a happy camper realising that I do indeed have friends in my life ( I do know this it’s just sometimes I have a hard time equating this fact) we headed up the road and got a pizza that was far too big for us (and yes I ate the most of it) and boy did I suffer the next day, a gut full of cheese is not how I intend to pass away, at least I was able to make that decision.

The rest of the holiday floated by, we did little things, ticking small tasks off our checklist, we did normal things and I had a great time with the wife, not sure if she did ( I christened the car, let’s just say it didn’t have the new car smell for long lol) she didn’t whinge at me so I’m taking it as a success, as a holiday, it wasn’t anything exciting but as it happens it helped, I just have to realise that it did, back to the asylum tomorrow and I really don’t want to do that (the return of the boo hoo club)  but needs must for potentially another five years (oh a blog name maybe another time).

The last blog seems to have taken people by surprise maybe this one will as well, seeing as how it quickly it has arrived, nobody and I mean nobody attempted the name game, what did I did I do, frighten you all, or was it just that hard? Well this one isn’t so hard considering what its subject matter is, tomorrow might not be the day I’m expecting, 412 emails sat waiting for me (sorry I switched my phone on to see the damage I wish I hadn’t now) but at least I’m back into blog mode, what can possibly go wrong now, damn did I really just type that, anyway watch the skies a new blog will be along soon as I have ten to catch up on, until then Toodles!  

Tuesday 1 September 2015

Back on holiday


Let’s just skip past the obvious,  I know I have been missing in action, life sort of caught up and beat us all up quite literally and I have been trying to shore up all of our defences, with varying degrees of success, work has just been piling on the agony and I gave up, this last week has been hell and yes I could have quite easily just posted any one of the historical blogs I have prepared, however I felt that I would have been selling you the discerning reader short and if that’s one thing I won’t do is sell the blog…………………………………..Short!

What’s going on well to be honest it’s very personal, and if I’m being honest (something which I do try to  be) I have been out on the perimeter, but it affects me and mine, and well let’s just say a grudge is for life not just for Christmas! No I’m still not going to tell you, so don’t go asking, if you are close to home you might have heard, if not well don’t worry about it, worse things happen at sea or so I’m told. Life has been decidedly shit, more so than usual and to be honest all I could do is hang on for life, I’m too old for all this shit, we finally got a lifeline by visiting the lovely people in Shields (Tee Hee Club ahoy, well sort of) a short sharp shock, but necessary as we had been invited to a wedding reception the following week and I was unsure if I was suitable for adult company(it turns out I was, I did just fine hahaha) the youngest came as well as she needed some South Shields style lovee feely and G was on top form, (as usual) speaking Swahili and gibberish all rolled into one, the youngest enjoyed it and so did I, so much so that I only had one pint (WTF) but refreshed we headed back up the hill to Gimpsville, bring on the coming celebrations.

At some point I had to go back and see my diabetes nurse who didn’t give me any good news, more tablets but at least I had lost weight, but circulation problems are now joining my ever increasing list of issues, my mental health (nearly a Quiet Riot album going on!) was discussed and I told her I knew I was depressed (yes I still am but I ain’t going down without a fight) but I was coping there was no white flag in my hand, and if I did need assistance this fat boy will be the first to ask for it, been there and done that, I have no reason to go down that road again. New tricks to help with old problems, and a best forward type of situation, some people still don’t get it (including those close to home, you can’t just wave a magic wand, I wish I could …………….but I would probably be arrested LOL) and a small fractious fire fight and a smattering of gun boat diplomacy got us both back on the right track, hey ho that’s life or so I’m told!

Work dragged and music was played at every conceivable moment, I had been left to crack on with various projects so music was the first order of the day (every day), it helped keep me balanced and not to freak out and go on a (imaginary) killing spree, thankfully most people were not annoying maybe I was just giving off a vibe, bus seat bingo helped a bit, however I soon lost interest when nobody seemed to mind, but my mind couldn’t/wouldn’t focus on life the universe or anything else. The day arrived for the wedding reception and although the weather was supposed to be cack, it stayed dry all day, right up until we stepped into the venue, then it rained like some biblical disaster and we nearly got stranded, not until we got a police lady out of her nice dry car in the deluge, oh it’s the simple things that cheer us up! we managed some back tracking but we finally got back on track (only just) to get home, that fellow Noah was nice in giving us directions, the do was fab, again seeing familiar faces helps although Thunderbird One was in full stream we very nearly had to break out the Hannibal Lector style mask, how his lovely wife copes I have no idea, well I do but I bet it involves copious amounts of Chloroform.





Back to work for the dreaded seven days of hell, by the end I was fragged and if I’m truthful I didn’t care, I nearly came to blows with an ignorant member of the public and my co-conspirator for the day decided it was best if he did front of house and I did back of house, I didn’t disagree, The wife picked me up and sped me home on the back roads so I could howl like a loon out of the car window like a blood hound, the bank holiday came and went, and as usual I vegetated, no wonder my life is crap at the moment, at the first sign of inactivity I surrender quicker than the Italians in a world war (please do not lecture me on Italian history, I know enough I’m just using it as a comedic reference point…………shesh some people get so touchy and notice I never mentioned the R word hahaha go figure) Today we had a new car and just a small amount of drama and Kraken fuelled shenanigans………incoming I think, mostly because the wife asked me what I wanted to do……………………and I haven’t got a clue, can I go and hide in the house? It would seem that might not be an option, but I’m working on it.

Music is still being played, thankfully, no small mercies without it, lots of cunning plans hopefully that will come to fruition (don’t hold your breath) over the holiday, the name game is still in play, although I suspect that anybody getting it will have googled the answer, as it is from an obscure album and distinctly not rock……………………well, in a way hahaha, so let’s have a few more honest guesses. Tomorrow well I intend to get up and take the fight to life, not sure if I’m going to win I need a win, something that will chase the black dog away from my life,  I carry a stick at all times just sometimes the black dog gets it and beats me with it. The youngest returns home tomorrow after her summer sojourn to her holiday home with the Kraken readying herself to go off to university and that leave us with very little in common too cling together, other than our hopes and aspirations.

So there you go a new blog not quite the blog I had planned (it never seems to be these days), I need to ensure that I have time to write and not let stuff sit and fester, I will let this one flow for a few days then try and put something historical out there as a blog about my holiday might just be a tad racy for the sedentary audience that follows this blog, keep the faith, keep spreading the disease, best foot forward every day,  I know life will get me at some point but not today and hopefully not tomorrow either, watch the skies for incoming until then …………..Toodles!

Thursday 13 August 2015

Bully for you

The blog is contracting, the numbers are still good, but life is intervening and not in a good way, so  the numbers retract and only the true readers stay, I have been down, but not beaten just so much crap going on and work dumping a 6 months work load and for it to be completed by September 7th (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) I have had to give my head a shake and as always some of you kind people have been enquiring what's up, its personal, its not me and we are all fighting and keeping our fingers crossed that's all you need to know, not happy with that, ooops you have me confused with someone who gives a rats ass!

That's not what the blog is about, I need to do some blogging simply for my own sanity, its all about my top ten gigs well sort of, I have seen loads of bands ( I have mates who have seen ten times as many as I have) buts its not all about the big occasion, I have seen some out standing bands I may have blogged about some of them (me with my reputation) as well I have a bucket list of bands I will never see, Kansas (with Steve Walsh) TRB, Frank Sinatra to name but a few, because that's all there is and the main reason why they are there is simply because they have died or retired, I have to admit if I won the lottery I would be off in a shot in a tour bus hitting all the gigs I want to!

Now my top ten isn't going to be what you lot expect yes some will be big named bands, but some  of the bigger name bands who I have seen I just can't pick one, I couldn't name my top Kiss gig or my top Judas Priest gig all great for different reasons the same way as I cant name my worst gigs (Queen's magic tour springs too mind simply for the set list although the band were great as always) for exactly the same reason.

So here we go in reverse order my top ten gigs (sometimes multiple gigs but as always I'm starting to digress)

10: ELO - NEC 1986ish the gig wasn't the best the band were quite ragged, if memory serves me right it was a charity do,  some of them going through the motions, but they did perk up when George Harrison walked on stage, what do I remember specifically of the gig well the fact that I was pissed (no surprise there) just the silly grin on my face the whole set although I did sit down while George was on stage...........well I had had a drink................HIC!

9: Fish - I know go figure why so low, well when you have seen as many bands as I have something has to give, if I'm honest I prefer the big Scotsman solo to being with that band ( a bit like the Scottish play you shouldn't say their name) there are three gigs that spring to mind two on the Vigil tour the first gig at Newcastle City Hall although not the first gig of the tour I think I did about fourteen for luck well I was single, it was just the way he slid on to the stage doing Faith healer, the second time was the second leg when he played the University Hall beyond the City Hall, he was raging about the hassle non students (hey that was me) getting in, the conventions come close but the best gig was in Dalkeith masonic lodge for the launch party of Fellini  Days and Ten year old Tara played her piano piece and the drive back was quite exquisite, well at least we didn't die but that's another blog for another day!

8:Diamond Head - The Borrowed Time Tour I thought I had seen the future the band were awesome Tank the support were pap probably angry because people didn't want to see them (shame as they are a great band now) I did four dates of the tour and I was prepared to sell my soul I had seen them before but this was simply majestic I have seen them since but this ticked all the boxes!

7: Robert Cray Newcastle University with  the Montgolfier Brothers supporting a great little hot house of a gig this was before he was famous 100 people in a cramped room, just pure joy the first time I ever enjoyed the blues! go figure me with my reputation.

6: The Flakes (various pubs in Newcastle) a local band who we used to try and catch when ever they played the local pubs the bass player used a Chapman stick and they were interesting in a Zappa kind of way, they were only a three piece but probably one of the most refined bands I ever saw.

5; Holy Cow Trillian's Newcastle, a band that had so much talent and should have been huge I tagged along simply for a pint and the crack,  I then discovered Davey Patton from Hellanbach was the guitar player and I was interested, I bought the 5 track ep and I still play it to bits Doris Brendal the vocalist has a great website with her music and an extended version of the EP for sale on her site go hunt it out you won't be disappointed.

4; The Cross Newcastle Mayfair Roger Taylor of Queen having some fun, I actually took my ex wife who I was divorcing at the time, I don't remember  a support band but again we probably got their fashionably late, I never saw Roger have so much fun, I have never seen a full Roger gig since as he has become Po Faced and thinks he's as important as David Bowie (why would you want to be like David Bowie), but this was a fun gig.

3: Blackmore's Night York Opera House nope not Rainbow or Deep Purple but the band that he has with his now wife, at over three hours he laughed he joked he played his cotton little socks off, he even came back at the end of the set with a sweeping brush to clear the stage, a fab gig, one that lives on in my heart, people mock but what they should do is listen, as he has done some fantastic music the album for this tour "fires at midnight" still gets hammered on the old MP3 player more consistent than your Jimmy Page's and Jeff Beck's, oh that's right his face doesn't fit (I know how that feels) give me his hey nonny nonny music over the plagiaristic Led Zeppelin......ooops inside voice!

2: John Wesley The Riverside Restaurant Courtyard Haddington , this was meant to be a Fish acoustic set at one of the conventions but he decided to save his voice although he was there in the audience, so he let his new quiet unassuming guitarist play a short set just him and his instrument of choice, godamn those eight songs were seared into my skull it was mind blowing, I sat in silent awe when we got to the gig on the night I only bought a couple of Fish T-shirts but I bought all of the John Wesley Back catalogue and the album that the set list was from (under the red and white sky which you can download for free off his website you cheap skates) is still my favourite all time album the album just talks to me the rest of his stuff is good but that album and that gig was mind blowing! as you can tell as me and the wife grabbed him after the gig (see picture below)

So what's number one Y&T, Dan Reed Network, Hellanbach, Electric Boys, Jane's Addiction, Val Doonican no its...........................................

1: Bessie and the Zinc Buckets the best damn band on the planet, hell Jake E Lee tried to buy my Buckets T-shirt off me when we were in Vegas (another story told in Restrooms of the strip) the picture at the bottom is the boys playing Newcastle City Hall  where they delivered a three hour with all ex members getting up and having a go, I still play the cassette of their album (more like demo's) Sex Drugs & Sausage Rolls! the crowd were a tad quiet mind you they are more used to seeing them play in sweaty pubs and fields at Biker rally's, if they ever come to a venue near you go and see them and have your life changed for ever with the power of music!

Why these gigs well usually because of my friends who I was with and tomorrow it might change actually the top three won't but the rest fluctuates, I'm alive I miss my friends but I don't forget them, its what you need to live your life good music good friends its all you actually need until the next time ............Toodles!   



Saturday 1 August 2015

Great expectations

Dear family I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment, I'm sorry I'm not good enough to help you all, I'm sorry I don't live up to my own expectations! Dear friends I'm sorry that I keep everybody at arms length, I'm sorry I'm not very good at keeping connected, I'm sorry I'm not around enough! Dear people at work (and the world if I 'm being honest) I'm sorry for being so weird, I'm sorry I never really fitted in, but most of all I'm sorry I bothered you at all! Dear me, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I kept you down, I'm sorry I made you miserable! Dear readers I'm not in the best place at the moment a lot of crap going on in my real life, I have been worse so don't worry about me I will return happier and stronger until then ..............Toodles!

Sunday 19 July 2015

Sensitive to light


Work, work, work, work, work, work, stay in the house, work, work, work, work, work, stare at blank walls, work ,work, work, work, work, feelings of alienation, work, work, work, work, eat obsessively, work, work, work, work, work, do nothing at all just stare at bank account, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about the family, work, work, work, work, work, work, something bad goes wrong, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about my health, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work.

I don’t always have black thoughts but when I do there is little I can do to control them, as I always say if I can wake up happy I can take anything that life throws at me!

Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, staying the house, work, work, work, work, dark thoughts, work, work, work, something crap happens, work, work, work, play some music, work, work, work, work, work, sleep, work, work, work, work, work, sit and stare at the darkness, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, laugh at my bank account or lack of it, work, work, work, work, work, try and drag myself back to the light, work, work, work, work, work, feelings of hatred, work, work, work, work, work, grit and determination.
I don't always have black thoughts and I do fight them every day, I know there are people out there in a far worse predicament than me, I just have to shake my head and remind myself! 
Work, work, work, work, work, isolation, work, work, work, work, work, music makes the day better, work, work, work, work, work, resentment, work, work, work, work, work, stay in the house, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about my family, work, work, work, work, work pain and heartache, work, work, work, work, work, work, more shit happens, work, work, work, work, sleep deprivation, work, work, work, work, work, work, grinding halt.
I don't always have black thoughts but when I do I struggle to motivate myself I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't like the person I have become, I have to strive to be the person I was, I haven't always been like this!
Work, work, work, work, work, work, miss my friends, work, work, work, work, work, sadness, work, work, work, work, work, work, feelings of jealousy then shame, work, work, work, work, work, anger, work, work, work, work, work, work, despair, work, work, work, work, work, work, helpless, work, work, work,
I see the pattern developing all work makes me a very unhappy person, although it seems that all I can do is bury myself is in work, I don't have black thoughts for my family or friends, I will always be there for them, it's me I have lost sight of, I feel that the devil is me, darkness is not friend I need the light I need to burn as bright as I have before.
I know I'm not in a great place but please believe me I am doing everything that I can do so until the next (happier) times.....................Toodles!

Sunday 5 July 2015

Reward

Some of you who have been following me will be aware that I have been trying to resolve my health issues for quite a while now, just over a year ago I was diagnosed as being a sufferer of Type 2 Diabetes, a clear vision was now forming, I needed to know what I could do about it, there was no hurry or so it would appear by the professionals treating me, so for once rather than getting my knickers in a twist I went with the flow, I didn't rock the boat just went with it, I had my feet checked my eyes photographed and was checked for a fatty liver (yes I had one fatter than me!)the one thing I wanted to sort out though, was I wanted to see an actual dietician, I know I wasn't perfect but I wasn't a devil in disguise either.

I had been diagnosed purely by chance and I'm not going to bore you with the previous 10 years attempts of trying to get to the bottom of things primarily weight gain for no obvious reason, I did what I was asked and lo and behold I lost the weight, I then moved back to Gimpsville to be told that "we don't do that treatment here" and then that was the cue for me to be the stubborn wooden head that I can be, I was finally ambushed by a Dr who knew that I needed to checked over. More checks more tests a different diagnosis, different treatments, I then broached the magic age, I then had to go to the Wellmans clinics once a year, hey ho no problem, early last year I was asked to go for a blood test, which came back as abnormal, I was requested to do another, no problem. another blood test, same result abnormal, this wasn't funny anymore, I attended the clinic and did all the usual things did the usual tests, broke another set of scales, we were just about done when I thought I would ask about the blood tests as I had been requested to do a third, I wasn't happy and I was getting just a bit paranoid, thankfully the nurse was brilliant looked at all of my results and came to the conclusion that I was a diabetic (no need for another test) she went and brought a Dr in to confirm the results then they both conferred while I was there and the nurse enquired that with all the blood tests why had nobody twigged to the obvious conclusion, silence .....................alright then lets just get on and deal with it.

As I have already stated the year has passed by quite quickly and although I have done everything requested of me I have been suffering of late and I wanted to get to the bottom the malaise surrounding me. Finally I got an appointment to attend a Desmond clinic were I was told diet would be discussed, we had a small road trip to find it the week before as it was off the beaten track, I was happy as it was next to some windmills (which I appear to have become addicted to) and a duck pond (woo hoo) and so on the appointed day I turned up hot to trot and bright as a button..........that didn't last long. I was by far the youngest and I was the only single person there (the wife was baby sitting) I tried my best to interact, I had that sinking feeling I wasn't happy and all of a sudden I felt that I was being backed into a corner. Now before I go any further can I just say that the staff were bloody fantastic, well they were when they finally got to grips with this nugget!

The course was decidedly new age type of affair, all touchy feely everybody join in type of affair, against all odds I did, they could see I was on the defensive, and they had no idea why, hell neither did I! we did the introductions and I had been diagnosed for more than a year, they had all been diagnosed within the last fortnight, why had I taken so long to do the course? well work, oh I'm sorry you guys are galls are all retired this is a day out for you, deep breathing exercises and some talking through gritted teeth, we moved on we were all given our last results, it was at this point I got scared my results were way off the charts not by a few points but by thirty to forty, they then started to ask if any of us had these symptoms, I had six of the seven and now I didn't want to talk about it, they still hadn't realised that they had a fucking Grizzly bear in the room, they were still talking in that mildly condescending way that seems to be the new way of teaching, me I wanted to be a rebel and I kept fantasising about turning the table over just to see the look on their faces, I was however brought back to reality with a bump a very big bump!

They didn't mention me by name, but we all could do the math, the consequences were bleak the moral of the tale  is potentially I may have passed the point of no return, the organs that have been working flat out to keep this hulk a float could be about to peg out on me......WTF! worse case scenario if I didn't (although it wasn't personnel it sure as hell felt it)sort my wicked ways I could be dead within five years! and on that note lets break for lunch, now it was going to spin out, I was dropped off by the wife the letter said lunch (in whatever form it was going to be) would be provided, that to me implies a free lunch ..............you guessed already, nope you had to pay for it so I sat and fumed not wishing to cause any more problems, although the undercurrent was detected, when everybody shuffled (they really did shuffle) off to the restaurant, I just sat and glowered out the window, when they realised I wasn't going any where they asked if there was a problem, the look of incredibility on their faces when I said I had no money with me ( boy was I pissed off now) I felt like the poor boy at school all over again, I quickly changed the subject and they literally ran away.

Lunch over we got back to the task in hand, I was still brooding and I think it was starting to show itself in the room, thankfully we were getting cut from the herd to do individual interviews, Thankfully when it came to being my turn the full charm offensive was being used, they asked me to do a depression form, I refused, why? because I'm bloody depressed about my weight and now I'm super depressed because of all the information that you have given, the only five years to live bit has me over the fucking moon (excuse my French) they tried to sell CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to me, love it however I have just had a course and I know unless I intend to harm myself or the moon it's not going to happen, at this point sunlight flooded through the defences as they realised that we were both on the same page and they knew that I had some sand bags to at least mount some form of defence, we continued with team activities (deep joy) but I was being swamped by dark thoughts, I was generally just so unhappy about life the universe and my lot within that structure, finally the other people had realised that I wasn't in the best frame of mind although I was trying my best to be part of the activities.

We did the final bits and pieces and then we were free to go not before not one but two members of staff tried to get me to complete the depression chart, I declined as politely as I could, I did say that I would complete it at home with my wife, they looked dubious I also (lied)told them I would let them know if there were any issues and ................well you can guess the rest of the bullshit! the wife was on her way so I sat next to the duck pool and watched the windmills, normality was returning, well my kind of normality, the wife and grand kids turned up and it did bring some light into this black heart of mine, just don't tell them that! we chatted all the way home and they dropped me off I ran into our house as I was starving, but upon looking at something to eat I realised I really had lost my hunger, I had some massive decisions to make, many I already have made, but it was a sobering thought that if I don't get my finger out I might not be here in five years time!  

I completed the depression chart and no surprise it was off the fucking chart, I know I'm depressed, I also know I'm a thousand times better than I was this time last year, so give me some credit please, I need to take small steps with this, no big dramatic changes, I know I can do this, I just have to manage this sensibly, something I'm not always good at, I now know that a lot of my issues stem from my diabetes, it doesn't make me happy but at least I now have all the answers to my questions,I just need to get some solutions , CBT is something that I will have to try again, my last course of treatment did open lots of cans of worms, but I had been sent there for one thing, and time ran out I had to let some other poor soul be treated, how to grasp that particular nettle will have to treated delicately. I have many cunning plans and I will be keeping everyone up to date with my progress because the clamouring from you the readership has been to be honest quite touching, maybe I'm like one of the fungi I was told about, I do grow on some people.

Now all I can do as always is put my best foot forward, yes my condition is one of my own making, no excuses it's time to be a good boy and point this boat towards calmer waters, my reward for doing good is for me to be here longer than the five year diagnosis, I think I will give you (the reader) a rest as four blogs in such a short period of time can be draining although I wont be far, I will be keeping an eye on the numbers, so thanks for the kindness that has been expressed, keep watching the skies until the next time Toodles!