Random thoughts from my holiday!

Latin people are courteous and nice (when in family groups).

Coloured people are courteous and nice, and so damn funny!

White people and not exclusively rednecks are not nice people!

Females of all ages and ethnicity will wear their Mickey Mouse ears 24/7!

Asian people (of all ages) will wear the full Harry Potter costumes and get into the story!

I am officially old and my knees are shot!

Universal Studios staff are miles better than Disney staff, and Disney staff are bloody good!

American women have dodgy tattoos, with no theme just random crap!

American food is good but I like Denny’s the best!

Americans may have large families, however they all act respectfully and have good manners!

I bought more T shirt’s than Imelda Marcos bought shoes!

My favourite T-shirt is my Frankenstein one!

My wife’s best T-shirt is “you say pyscho like it’s a bad thing”

Americans are not big on eye contact, unless being provoked, then its all about the eye contact!

Large groups of Argentinians cannot win an argument with one ex squaddie!

My wife knows how to piss me off over the fact that it appears that I cannot sleep for more than five hours a night, no shit Sherlock!  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This Flight Tonight – Another cunning plan.

 

This Flight Tonight – Another cunning plan.

 

12^th/13^th September.

And so, the final day begins, did I get a lie in? don’t be daft I was awake at 03.40, only a couple of hours in the dark before I could safely turn a light on without affecting the wife’s sleep, me jealous hell yeah, I am I wish I could sleep for more than 4 / 5 hours sleep a night, or even just the chance to be able to turn over and go back to sleep, ah well at least there’s snackettes! Finally, my Queen rises from her crypt and we start making the final moves, but first there is the need for one final breakfast, we both order the same as always and although not the best it also wasn’t the worst, I would give mine a consistent 8/10 over the ten days, well I liked it!

Back to the room, bags finally packed to our satisfaction, hang on where are the bloody locks for the bags, a mad scramble but they are safe and sound, bags packed, locked and straps on for identification, we just need to put them in the car, we each do a final sweep of the rooms, nothing left but to load the car, my hand luggage is going to be over as I have decided to put my books in my hand luggage, the two books weigh 6.5 kilo’s on their own, nothing we can do about it, it’s done now, room locked and then the car ride to the airport.

The route to the airport was not as direct as when we arrived, we had plenty of time on our hands, but we enjoyed it, silly chit chat, songs, singing spotting houses up for sale (a silly thing me and the wife do, please don’t ask) some more snackettes, travelling through the swamp land that is mainly Florida and then back into the land of the living, all the while trying to find a petrol station, the car needs to be returned full, we pass the airport make one final (in total panic) sweep of the area and find a petrol station, another $30 dollars fills the tank and we return it to the car rental, we chat with the guys taking the car back and head into the airport building itself, its relatively empty as we are there 4 hours before we need to be, check our bags in and yes they were well over weight and yes we paid an extravagant amount of money to get them on the plane (please don’t ask I felt violated handing my credit card over, mind you it’s the only time I did in the entire holiday), however the lady was lovely and gave us a couple of tips for our next outing (fingers crossed).

It’s a small provincial airport so we decide to get a meal in the only restaurant, it was better than we thought it would be, but it helped gobbled some time up as we waited for the building to fill up! Slowly like a tide coming in, small groups started to filter their way into the seating areas, we moved across to be closer to the gate, unfortunately the place was also filling up with Bin Dippers (look it up ) and the mood was starting to sour as our plane was delayed by around 30 minutes, lots of people kept going up to the counter, asking why, why, oh why, sit down and wait like good little muppets, the plane ride is always what spoils the holiday for me, people can be strange, the longer the waiting the sooner we realise this plane should actually just fly over Liverpool so we can kick them out as we go over, saves us landing!

One particular odious person, kept hassling the counter staff, and guess what when he finally got on the plane, he did the same to the crew on the plane, unfortunately he ended up behind the wife, to say this person was an arsehole would be an understatement, arguing with my wife which stopped for a short while when I asked him what the problem was, punching the back of the wife’s seat and finally as he stood up pulling a great fist full of her hair, surprisingly the plane crew kept well out of the way, and didn’t wish to get involved at all, we couldn’t wait to escape the metal tube that brought across the Atlantic, why didn’t I kick off, well for a number of reasons which I slowly tumbled to, he was bigger than me, he was actually part of a much larger party (at least 12 adults and various kids) and why should I get banned from flying because of an obnoxious bin dipper, we escaped to the baggage claim area for them to end up behind me throwing me evil dirty looks, thankfully our bags came off quickly and we managed to withdraw from the group of arseholes with a modicum of dignity!

I wasn’t happy, and truthfully I’m still not happy now, I felt like a coward, I still feel like a coward, I’m no fighter but I wish I had smacked the big ginger bin dipper fair and square, to be truthful I know it wasn’t worth the crap, there was more of them and the road to least resistance the flight crew wouldnt have taken our side, so I will just have to fester and swallow what’s left of my pride (after the incident there’s not much I can assure you). We returned to the hotel with the same mini bus driver (he remembered us and yes, we tipped him again) claimed the car and got the hell out of dodge, with a stirring in our brains about a new cunning plan.

Traffic out of Manchester was horrific and as soon as we could we stopped for a second breakfast (burger king yum yum) the rest of the journey was uneventful, but I did fester (if I’m honest I’m still festering now) about the flight home and yes, I still feel as though I was the coward, I wasn’t and people have said I wasn’t, but it festers like Gollum festered for that one bloody ring! We got home and the wife slinked of to bed for a snooze, she certainly needed some peace and quiet, when she had recovered, we opened the bags and the house was covered in laundry, gifts and oooh look I found some snackettes!

All in all, it was a good holiday, just what the wife needed after the crap she had gone through (and is still going through) simply spoilt by that bloody bin dipper, however we were not about to let that spoil it in totality. Our first day back we collected the little dog, our youngest (who helped get the bags off up into the loft) I wandered off to the dentist ( a clean bill of health) life returns to semblance of normality, I don’t want it to, the wife has been through enough over the last couple of years, what with lock downs and all that crap, her mothers illness and subsequent passing, her ill health and mine, we have become comfortable living with ourselves, we have been out of the house once this year (to see 80’s Option a really good band) I’m trying to encourage her to go out more, even without me, she leads quite a solitary life at the moment and still massively stressed due to the ongoing legal issues that was left in her lap by the Kraken!

If you know my wife you wouldn’t recognise the person she is turning into (don’t worry she is still hangry! Have you seen who she is married to?)So the cunning plan is to our friends who know us, invite us out, invite her out, I want her to enjoy some life now that she can, even though with her current state of mind (stressed) we have decided a new cunning plan we are 60 next year so we have decided to go the whole hog and generally have a last blowout holiday (well its blown my savings completely out lol) and we have booked already to repeat the experience with a couple of upgrades, who knows when we will get the chance to do it again, but closer to home I need all of our friends (and I know some people do) to encourage the wife simply to enjoy life again I really do love her and I hate to see her stressed the way she is at times, life’s a pile of shit but we have to get on with it, so tell the world we are available for weddings, bar mitzvahs and afternoon drinkie poo’s (even though the wife doesn’t drink these days) gigs, visits to darkest North East England, I simply want my wife to get an injection of life so that she can start living again.

So that’s the holiday, written as if it was like one of my books (which I miss doing to be quite honest) cunning plans abound but, I cant get dynamite to get the wife kickstarted onwards in this thing we call life, the next couple of blogs are just about written and then I go silent through until the new year, when I have to take stock and go forward once more, with hopefully more music related blogs, reviews of gig and albums and biographies, and any other form of madness, hopefully keeping the numbers as consistent as they are now, so look to the skies for incoming, keep doing what you are all doing and spreading the disease, until the next blog…..Toodles!

Another Day in Paradise/The Final Countdown

Another Day in Paradise – Yet another cunning plan.

September 10^th.

So starts another day in paradise, well ok its Florida, a little bit of a lie in, well ok sat reading in the room, not so much of a lie as a normal person would know, another breakfast, then back in the car, for a trip back to The Florida Mall, for a couple of small presents, we haven’t completely melted the credit card yet (but we have had a damn good go) we needed a couple of small presents and the wife wanted to have a final splurge, and splurge she did!

We finally used the mall’s food court, orange chicken and noodles for both of us, it was ok, wasn’t the best but it wasn’t the worst either, not that we have had bad food anywhere, I really do like the food in America, it’s just unfortunate that it likes me as well, it’s all been canny (that slang for nice for my foreign readers). We took it nice and slow and had a few sitting breaks along the malls simply because we were both knackered.

On one of our breaks I discovered that there was a Barnes & Noble book store close (books glorious books and Vinyl as well, now that was a nice surprise) so we decided to take a detour, I was drooling over the vinyl until the wife found the music book section, I quit while I was ahead, I bought two heavy duty Queen books, I could have spent a fortune thankfully I didn’t, although I do regret not buying Queen Innuendo as a double vinyl box set, for $34 when I checked at home it was £59 that’s considerably more, ah well there’s always next time! I’m not sure how I’m going to get them home, I’m definitely going to be charged for being overweight, that’s my luggage not me!

We travelled back for a lazy evening, we only sauntered out so the wife could have some ice cream, we went back to the room and quietly started making cunning plans for next year, yes, we have cunning plans for the next year! We then set about planning our packing seeing what was going where, we both had a good day, no falling out, no little bitchy comments a leisurely day, and packing practise, it might take a couple of attempts to get this right LOL!

 

The Final Countdown – Yet another cunning plan.

September 11^th.

Well, that was a surprise yet another early start, a lovely shower to kick start the day or at least my heart, we gathered our thoughts and headed for breakfast, it was ok, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I had the previous eight times, maybe at some point I should have mixed it up a little, maybe I simply had omelette lag, not sure but it was yes, just alright! A couple of small tasks then we are both going to go into full Tetris mode and try and get everything into our luggage, it’s like trying to fit a pint into a shot glass, don’t know if we can do it, but we shall give it a go or at least die trying! Off in the car on a little detour to complete our little tasks, we ended back at Denny’s I had the same it was just as nice the second time around it was a more pleasant experience as we missed the lunch rush.

As we left the car park the wife had a small relapse of her sunstroke feeling decidedly sickly, neither of us were sure if she could hold it together, thankfully as we hurtled along the highway and saw Gaylords (see previous blogs) the wife was sure she could make it, no food for the victim once we got back I simply had some snackettes (what I wasn’t leaving them behind), as we were lying in the room we were hit by the first proper down pour of the holidays, and it was a doozy the wife filmed it, it was awesome the lightening spectacular as always, I’m glad we were safe in our room, but also glad we didn’t miss the storm, I do like the rain!

We did a final sweep of the room and decided to have an early (for us) night as we were both so excited to be heading home tomorrow…………………...NOT! little did we know that the storm clouds were gathering ahead of us and that the both of us didn’t see it happening, well at least not until it was too late, buts thats the tale of tomorrow, and it is a tale!

Breakfast in America – Yet another cunning plan.

 

Breakfast in America – Yet another cunning plan.

September 9^th.

Another early rise, I’ve given up hope of having a proper lie in,  but today was intended to be a rest day, travelling yes but walking, very little allegedly, I have given up on getting a lie in, it is what it is, my sleep pattern is simply what it is back home between 4/5 hours a night, if I want any more I have to crash in a chair after tea/evening meal, But the sun is shining so it was going to be a good day (so you bloody well think so) up and out for our usual breakfast, I do like the food in America, however if I was to stay in America for more than 14 days I would be the size of the goodyear blimp (I’m a glutton what are you going to do about it).

Once we had been fed and watered, we bimbled back to the room to get sorted, a bit of spit and polish and my parting in my hair just so, we set off to join the horses on the highway, the intention was to find a couple of specific small presents for peeps, we had been looking but hadn’t been able to source them, we were going to have to trawl the gift shops that line the highways, or I should say used to, we had to go a little further than planned, we were however we were striking a blank, at one point these shops were everywhere, but about 80% of them have fallen of the face of the earth, the ones that are still there are usually pretty good, if you want some Tat, (we did).

Once we had travelled further afield then we had planned we decided to have lunch, we found a Denny’s on our travels ( I do like a Denny’s) its cheap(ish) and definitely cheerful we had a ten minute wait as we were there at the lunch time rush, we were soon seated we both decided on the Bourbon Chicken done in a skillet and it was bloody lovely, I scoffed the lot, thankfully I have a tendency not to do puddings, if I had done after my main you could have rolled me out like a barrel, so far the best meal of the holiday, we hadn’t had a bad meal but this one won hands down, as we left we noticed a thrift store across the road, should we have a look? well we might as well since we were here.

As we walked in the door there was the gift we had been searching high and low for, there was only one as well, so it was meant to be, yes we had to travel to find it but I do believe it was well worth it, and other twenty or so minutes looking at more tat than we need, we decided to fill the petrol tank as the car had to be returned with a full tank, we weren’t sure how big the tank was and we had done about 300 miles already, it came in at $30, if only it was this cheap back home, we then travelled back for some good old fashioned laziness, well actually I needed some good old fashioned painkillers, we passed Gaylords, a huge hotel out in the middle of Florida which meant that we had only about 5 minutes until we got back to the room.

However, we were soon headed down a path to our own destruction, as the wife was skirting around me (I’m not an ogre honest) about she wanted to do, it got to tea time and as I dragged us up to the food court she eventually  after nearly three hours of humming and hawing (just bloody tell me, this holiday was all about you and nothing else mattered but YOU!) we then had a heated argument over nothing, we then ended up in  the car in separate corners and we ended up once again at Disney Springs, which is huge, you can guess what state I was in by now, my knees protested with every step, we walked the full length of the bloody place it was meant to be a bloody rest day, by the time we got to the Earl of Sandwich I simply didn’t care as the pain was bleeding over the painkillers and I was in bloody agony, we decided to go in there and have a simple sandwich, which if I’m honest was bloody lovely, it romped in a close second to the Denny’s meal we had had earlier in the day, I will come back again when I’m not in as much pain and hopefully in a much better mood, to be honest I’m a bloke I have no idea what the wife thinks, she simply needs to tell me and I will follow the instructions given, tell me and its all good in the hood, don’t tell me and  this is the attitude that comes with the pain and agony that is my knees.

We both enjoyed our sandwiches, but by now I was a shell of a man and every step was like a knife in each knee cap, I was close to tears as I got back to the car, and I wasn’t sulking on the ride home I was simply in too much pain, I think the penny had dropped with the wife, as she was gentle with me for the rest of the evening, once we were back after our journey in the darkness, I took drugs and simply went to bed where I had a really strange nights sleep or that should read a sleepless night as I drifted in out of slumber, probably a combination of the drugs and the pain!

I did manage a slight lie in (which no doubt I will brag about in the next blog) I even managed to turn back over and go back to sleep until 08.30, take the fact that I never ever do that, hopefully this will better and argument free day, Ho Hum life goes on!

Bad Motor Scooter – Yet another cunning plan.

 

Bad Motor Scooter – Yet another cunning plan.

8^th September.

We awoke refreshed, well almost, I was suffering incredible pains in my knees, painkillers and the gel wasn’t working, the supports were to a degree and the walking stick (yes I know I’m a cripple) a little more, I didn’t know how I was going to manage another day in a park, maybe our strategy wasn’t as clever as we thought, but we soldiered on, back to the food court for our usual breakfast (if it’s not broke why change it) this was to be our last official day in a park, but rumbling stomachs needed to be fed!

We were back in the car for another trip (and $30 parking, the robbing…...let’s not go there) as we slowly moved through the morning traffic we both decided that the wife had had an awesome idea, not that I wanted to go along with it, to be honest my manliness was sulking all the way too Universal Studios, but we agreed to avoid any more pain, stress and arguments, that not only was the wife going to hire a motor ability scooter so was I, something I didn’t want to do for me, but my ego was defeated as was I really, I couldn’t have done another day where I did in excess of 29000 steps, I was getting slower and slower each day and it was badly impacting on the holiday.

I’m not going to lie it wasn’t cheap, but as I walked towards the hire place I knew that we had made the best decision, (although I’m not sure how I got the slow one and the wife got the Gran Prix version) I was asked if I needed a lesson, I know my way around them as I used to service them in a previous existence, as soon as we set off we knew that we had made the right decision, we covered so much ground a lot quicker, my ego was still crushed, I hate the idea that I’m getting older and I’m crippled more with each waking hour, but we covered so much more ground, I was happier in a strange kind of way, we couldn’t afford to do this every day, but as a one off for me it was acceptable (just) I still felt guilty but it meant we could do everything that we wanted with no more pain, no fighting between ourselves and if truth be told it was probably my favourite day in the parks.  

In 4 short hours we bought more T- shirts, including a lush Frankenstein one for me and a Dracula one for the wife, we had a second breakfast and afterwards I sat and watched the crowds while I was scooter watching, it was a struggle when we headed back to the hire place to give them up , but it was a wise choice getting them as it’s a long walk back to the car from Universal and we were both crippled by the time we managed to get there,  we would have never made it around the parks without them, we took refuge in a Starbucks at the halfway point (fruity things not coffee) but we were relieved when we finally managed to place our aching bones back in the car! We pulled out as the first rain of the holiday arrived; we were soon back out on the highway heading to our next port of call.

We headed back to the Disney (downtown) Springs shopping plaza but to be honest we were disappointed as we were looking for a fridge magnet that had been requested, but it was like they no longer existed. We knew that we would need to come up with a cunning plan if we were to find our prize, Disappointment pushed aside for the time being we headed to Walmart as we needed to get some more supplies, and maybes just a little more vinyl (two Metallica albums in coloured vinyl) now it may look like we were buying a lot of supplies but we weren’t we simply didn’t want to over do it, basically because I would have scoffed the lot, me with my reputation I know, little and often was the order of the day!

Tonight we intend to chill and relax, the parks are behind us now, its all abought doing sweet bugger all, I need my  knees to have some sort of semblance of resting, otherwise I might need a mobility scooter permanently, yes my ego was massively shredded, but I’m not stupid enough to ruin the holiday over my vanity, that’s why I’m being open and honest about hiring one, I don’t know how the wife copes she suffers worse than me (I mean she has to put up with me) bless her, we have some small cunning plans as to where we intend to go and what we intend to do, but lets see how it goes, I can see the end of the holiday in sight, let’s try and get there with as little drama as possible, and yes I know I have just jinxed us!                (I know how this ends)