Its the end of the world as we know it!

 

Words seem to be everywhere, words upon words, people talk drivel, use My head is full of ill thoughts, bad words and a whole lot of other piffle, big words to hide what they mean what they intend, it’s all the same and its only getting worse, the holiday hasn’t felt like a holiday and my sleeping habits have worsened, I have no idea why or what else could be causing it, its making me fractious!

Actions hide actions, people don’t intend to keep their word by completing tasks assigned to them, I was busy, I didn’t see it, so many excuses, so many dark thoughts of intent, so many false promises, with no intention to assist in any way! I’m suspicious simply because I can be, lack of sleep is definitely not helping, the health of the wife and the stress she is under isn’t helping, all the while I’m suspicious of people’s motives, people who say they intend to do things but don’t / haven’t!

Lies, they are everywhere, people seem to have no issues what so ever in spewing forth the crap that they think people wish to hear, the truth would be nice, but people tend to give what they receive, and when they do get the truth, they are offended, the world is so easily offended, out of sight out of mind, until they want a professional opinion, 35 years there and now I’m gone after nearly three years gone they appear before me as friends, but it’s simply they don’t have a clue and want to know how to do a certain thing, they are not happy with my response, I have told them not to do it, not for a gold pig unless directed by someone above and only then get it in writing, the deed has the potential for a small room and bars on the window, they thought I was going to tell them how to circumnavigate the law! Nope, no sir, I wouldn’t in my previous work life and I won’t help you into a dock now!

People are more important than everybody else. Nobody is of consequence, trample the weak and hurdle the dead, it’s the motto of modern man, nobody helps anybody else, unless there is something in it for them, never a helping hand simply to help, always an ulterior motive! Let’s see if they turn up on the designated hour, I doubt that they will, especially after I have said that I won’t be party to it, you need to be very, very qualified which none of them are, chinless wonders who don’t want to pay the dues to maintain something, I will assist the prosecution, but not the gang of four!

Falsehoods, and insincere motives, it tells you all you need to know about not just the individual,  but the whole population in general, Inane platitudes hoping that the visage of being nice will hopefully push you into doing something that somebody else should be doing, people seem to be unable to help, seem to not want to help, time moves on slowly, but the world is still going to hell and people lie about it and the consequences with a smile and a grimace.

These words have been written as a stream off thoughtlessness with no intention of doing anything about what I am railing against. Sometimes it’s good to spew forth against nothing in general, simply wishing to be annoying, not helpful, but that’s what the rest of the world is like, there are some people wonderful like the diamond shinning in the coal pile, they stand out, if  you know anyone like this, cherish them, because they will make you see that there is good in the world I do know people like this and I do hold them very close, I may not see them as much as I would like to, who knows what the new year  and new promise can bring?

My view of the world is jaded at the moment, I do try to be as positive person, it has taken a battering even more so in the last 6 months, wealth, health and the general meaning of life have taken a great battering of late, simply because we are isolated, and getting more isolated with the lies that are fed by insincere people, that’s mainly me and actually I should say they are former friends who cut and run as soon as they knew I wouldn’t be of any use to them, all of the good ones got out at the same time! not friends but friends of friends with a smiling face, but no good intentions, they simply want to do as little as they can to reap the maximum from your soul, I don’t trust these kind of people and I don’t like the majority of them, I have some friends who I see very little of but I hold them dear to my heart and miss them more every day, but they are always in my thoughts and wishes.

This is simply an exercise in exorcising the bad that haunts my thoughts, trying to be a better person, trying to improve myself for the better, I think myself as a good person, but the blackness that infects my soul has to be stopped, I don’t wish to appear jaded, I want to appear involved, I want to be actually involved, I want to actually help people, I want to be  seen to helpful, kind and any other descriptive word that brings positivity. I do not want to bring negativity to anybody, I need to do this for me, not for others, I do want to help others, but not to the detriment of me and my family,  I want to be full of positive vibes, I want to be there for genuine people, genuine  family and genuine  friends, you all know who you are!

How do I do this, simply by being in the present, something I have been guilty of not being, I need to improve not only for myself, but for friends, family and the general public, can I , will I, the intention is there, I can only but try , the new year brings new issues and retains all of the old ones, my intention is to mow them down like a fine lawn and to make sure that for everybody involved they receive the best me, so that the “lawn” is fed and watered by me so that everybody benefits, will I achieve this? I have no idea I can but try, this is my wish, promise, intention to be the best person that I can be in the coming year! Watch this space.

That’s me expelling all of the festering rottenness of 2023, I am looking forward to seeing the genuine friends in the new year don’t say that you haven’t been warned we need you otherwise it will be a long down wards spiral, now don’t forget we are available for weddings, bar mitzvahs, gigs, general chat , quick visits you name I’m sure that we can accommodate you all, and this is the last blog of 2023, so until the coming year that is 2024…..Toodles!

Same Old Blues.

So back to the blog, the real blog not the episodic ones of late, they have given me some space, my mind wasn’t /hasn’t been in the best of places, no I’m not looking for sympathy simply making a statement of intent!

Since our return “Bob” has been a constant companion, quite content to sit out by the perimeter edge, he knows he’s doing more damage this way than coming and chewing at me, unknown ideas and thoughts flood me in moments of uncertainty, if I flare up to get rid of him he simply slinks back into the shadows knowing that the edge this gives him, although I put a happy face on in company (mainly work sometimes with the wife) I’m not in a bad place I’m simply on edge and tired! The main thought is that I’m letting everybody down, I’m savvy enough to know that I’m not, but the circling “Bob” is unsettling me!

The wife is in way worse shape than me and she is trying really hard, the holiday is long gone and the stuff of nightmares has returned, she is still struggling, again I feel as though my best is simply not good enough, I’m trying to coax her back into the real world and every time I think we have managed a step it looks as though we fall back two steps! As I have said many times, as long as I wake up happy, I will struggle on, the problem is I am struggling from the moment my foot touches the floor, my get up and go has simply deserted me, its like I’m running a marathon and I haven’t done any training what so ever. As the day drags on it feels like I have been poked by sticks, bloody big sticks, and before you ask, yes, I am indeed sleeping (if you call an average 4/5 hours sleep) but I am not feeling the benefit from it, I’m drained from the get go!

I’m having issues getting some of my medication, or should I say getting to talk to anybody about it, three months without it is not helping, they are either ignoring me because they can or the messages aren’t being passed to the relevant individuals, hence my present mood, I know it’s the root cause of all my issues, normally when I’m like this I bury myself in work, even this staple hasn’t helped, its simply adding to the issues, I feel further isolated from reality, the reality of life the universe, I’m simply obsessing over “Bob”!

On holiday I exacerbated an old whiplash injury that is impacting my general health, go see a doctor what’s the point, I cant see the person for my diabetes, how will I get to see never mind speak to a dr, its all a downward spiral, I nearly threw a chair at a person who replied “its not that hard to get help” try it you smug son of a bitch, I honestly feel like I’m being stretched thin, on top of this a couple of weeks ago, I endured yet another assassination attempt (only joking…..I hope) I tripped in the house landing quite badly hurting my dodgy shoulder, cracking  some ribs (once broken they never heal, and they hurt most of the time anyways) I skinned my knee (which as I type is even more sore 4 weeks down the line) I lay on the floor a good 15 minutes, you simply couldn’t bend wire the shape I was in, god it hurt, the wife trying to help, at least I didn’t swear at her, at least I don’t think I did, I have been struggling to breath, but I have been taking painkillers to help, as I am at risk of getting Pneumonia because of all the past medical injuries/issues, with my ribs historically, I don’t do well on painkillers, but I do soldier on, once a squaddie always a squaddie, I’m not as resilient as I used to be as a young lad, I literally don’t bounce back like I used to!

I think reverting to misery doesn’t help, not a lot I can do but get on with it, while I’m on the subject, I am still suffering from the holidays with my ears again an old injury, but it’s been a long time since I have had an episode that has lasted as long as this, its simply just another thing that’s pissing me off, but I won’t be beaten I will win no matter what the cost! It just seems like its one fabulous disaster after another, what will go wrong next, I’ve jinxed myself haven’t I?

It comes back to the fact that I feel as though I have been letting everybody down, the health issues just make everything worse, The wife has her own issues to deal with as well as the Hurricane and all of the issues that go with a 12 year old with his medical conditions, and there is none of his medication in the whole country, thanks to everybody who voted for brexit, what is the tory party slogan “trample the weak and hurdle the dead” surely a vet would have put us all down if we were farm animals “its not worth the money to fix them” mind you the fact I cant get a reply from my local surgery maybe that’s the route that they have decided to go down!

Technology is pissing me off as well at home as well as at work, lets just fix it rather than filling in a dozen forms, no wonder I’m not in the best frame of mind, then whilst working from home I have started (god knows why) listening to Planet Rock on a radio, what a crock, the same tracks over and over again, and the staff who don’t have a clue who wrote what, who plays what or even the albums they came from, I really do need to avoid chinless wonders who do not have a bloody clue, I got invited to a works reunion, erm no after 35 years I will be at the next one after another 35 years! I seem to be quite happy letting the darkness feed from my heart, I’d rather sit in the dark than deal those individuals again, I do miss real my friends though, we both do!

As I read this back, I realise that there a streak of black running through this blog a mile wide, it was not intentional, it’s been a long and emotional bloody 6 months and all the issues haven’t helped, if “Bob” shows his face anytime soon, I will probably chase after him with a bloody big stick off into the dark of the night, I am not beaten (I am bruised) I will not give up, we are still here slightly tattered but still standing, and the intention is to keep standing and standing tall, please don’t think that I will harm myself, I’m simply a tired man, the original reading of this would have had the Samaritans do a house call to do an intervention, slowly but surely we will drag ourselves back to the light, but I am going to have a rest from blogging, this will be the last of the year, not the last, I have some ideas musical, historical ideas for the new year, you get the picture!

So, thanks to everybody who has stuck with the good ship “Walks with Broken Hoop” the numbers have been astounding nearly double of last year six figures, I never thought I could hit those heights, keep spreading the disease, watch the skies, lets hope the new year brings good cheer to each and everyone of you and that you all enjoy a very merry Christmas, but until then the only thing left to say is……………. Toodles!

Random thoughts from my holiday!

Latin people are courteous and nice (when in family groups).

Coloured people are courteous and nice, and so damn funny!

White people and not exclusively rednecks are not nice people!

Females of all ages and ethnicity will wear their Mickey Mouse ears 24/7!

Asian people (of all ages) will wear the full Harry Potter costumes and get into the story!

I am officially old and my knees are shot!

Universal Studios staff are miles better than Disney staff, and Disney staff are bloody good!

American women have dodgy tattoos, with no theme just random crap!

American food is good but I like Denny’s the best!

Americans may have large families, however they all act respectfully and have good manners!

I bought more T shirt’s than Imelda Marcos bought shoes!

My favourite T-shirt is my Frankenstein one!

My wife’s best T-shirt is “you say pyscho like it’s a bad thing”

Americans are not big on eye contact, unless being provoked, then its all about the eye contact!

Large groups of Argentinians cannot win an argument with one ex squaddie!

My wife knows how to piss me off over the fact that it appears that I cannot sleep for more than five hours a night, no shit Sherlock!  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This Flight Tonight – Another cunning plan.

 

This Flight Tonight – Another cunning plan.

 

12^th/13^th September.

And so, the final day begins, did I get a lie in? don’t be daft I was awake at 03.40, only a couple of hours in the dark before I could safely turn a light on without affecting the wife’s sleep, me jealous hell yeah, I am I wish I could sleep for more than 4 / 5 hours sleep a night, or even just the chance to be able to turn over and go back to sleep, ah well at least there’s snackettes! Finally, my Queen rises from her crypt and we start making the final moves, but first there is the need for one final breakfast, we both order the same as always and although not the best it also wasn’t the worst, I would give mine a consistent 8/10 over the ten days, well I liked it!

Back to the room, bags finally packed to our satisfaction, hang on where are the bloody locks for the bags, a mad scramble but they are safe and sound, bags packed, locked and straps on for identification, we just need to put them in the car, we each do a final sweep of the rooms, nothing left but to load the car, my hand luggage is going to be over as I have decided to put my books in my hand luggage, the two books weigh 6.5 kilo’s on their own, nothing we can do about it, it’s done now, room locked and then the car ride to the airport.

The route to the airport was not as direct as when we arrived, we had plenty of time on our hands, but we enjoyed it, silly chit chat, songs, singing spotting houses up for sale (a silly thing me and the wife do, please don’t ask) some more snackettes, travelling through the swamp land that is mainly Florida and then back into the land of the living, all the while trying to find a petrol station, the car needs to be returned full, we pass the airport make one final (in total panic) sweep of the area and find a petrol station, another $30 dollars fills the tank and we return it to the car rental, we chat with the guys taking the car back and head into the airport building itself, its relatively empty as we are there 4 hours before we need to be, check our bags in and yes they were well over weight and yes we paid an extravagant amount of money to get them on the plane (please don’t ask I felt violated handing my credit card over, mind you it’s the only time I did in the entire holiday), however the lady was lovely and gave us a couple of tips for our next outing (fingers crossed).

It’s a small provincial airport so we decide to get a meal in the only restaurant, it was better than we thought it would be, but it helped gobbled some time up as we waited for the building to fill up! Slowly like a tide coming in, small groups started to filter their way into the seating areas, we moved across to be closer to the gate, unfortunately the place was also filling up with Bin Dippers (look it up ) and the mood was starting to sour as our plane was delayed by around 30 minutes, lots of people kept going up to the counter, asking why, why, oh why, sit down and wait like good little muppets, the plane ride is always what spoils the holiday for me, people can be strange, the longer the waiting the sooner we realise this plane should actually just fly over Liverpool so we can kick them out as we go over, saves us landing!

One particular odious person, kept hassling the counter staff, and guess what when he finally got on the plane, he did the same to the crew on the plane, unfortunately he ended up behind the wife, to say this person was an arsehole would be an understatement, arguing with my wife which stopped for a short while when I asked him what the problem was, punching the back of the wife’s seat and finally as he stood up pulling a great fist full of her hair, surprisingly the plane crew kept well out of the way, and didn’t wish to get involved at all, we couldn’t wait to escape the metal tube that brought across the Atlantic, why didn’t I kick off, well for a number of reasons which I slowly tumbled to, he was bigger than me, he was actually part of a much larger party (at least 12 adults and various kids) and why should I get banned from flying because of an obnoxious bin dipper, we escaped to the baggage claim area for them to end up behind me throwing me evil dirty looks, thankfully our bags came off quickly and we managed to withdraw from the group of arseholes with a modicum of dignity!

I wasn’t happy, and truthfully I’m still not happy now, I felt like a coward, I still feel like a coward, I’m no fighter but I wish I had smacked the big ginger bin dipper fair and square, to be truthful I know it wasn’t worth the crap, there was more of them and the road to least resistance the flight crew wouldnt have taken our side, so I will just have to fester and swallow what’s left of my pride (after the incident there’s not much I can assure you). We returned to the hotel with the same mini bus driver (he remembered us and yes, we tipped him again) claimed the car and got the hell out of dodge, with a stirring in our brains about a new cunning plan.

Traffic out of Manchester was horrific and as soon as we could we stopped for a second breakfast (burger king yum yum) the rest of the journey was uneventful, but I did fester (if I’m honest I’m still festering now) about the flight home and yes, I still feel as though I was the coward, I wasn’t and people have said I wasn’t, but it festers like Gollum festered for that one bloody ring! We got home and the wife slinked of to bed for a snooze, she certainly needed some peace and quiet, when she had recovered, we opened the bags and the house was covered in laundry, gifts and oooh look I found some snackettes!

All in all, it was a good holiday, just what the wife needed after the crap she had gone through (and is still going through) simply spoilt by that bloody bin dipper, however we were not about to let that spoil it in totality. Our first day back we collected the little dog, our youngest (who helped get the bags off up into the loft) I wandered off to the dentist ( a clean bill of health) life returns to semblance of normality, I don’t want it to, the wife has been through enough over the last couple of years, what with lock downs and all that crap, her mothers illness and subsequent passing, her ill health and mine, we have become comfortable living with ourselves, we have been out of the house once this year (to see 80’s Option a really good band) I’m trying to encourage her to go out more, even without me, she leads quite a solitary life at the moment and still massively stressed due to the ongoing legal issues that was left in her lap by the Kraken!

If you know my wife you wouldn’t recognise the person she is turning into (don’t worry she is still hangry! Have you seen who she is married to?)So the cunning plan is to our friends who know us, invite us out, invite her out, I want her to enjoy some life now that she can, even though with her current state of mind (stressed) we have decided a new cunning plan we are 60 next year so we have decided to go the whole hog and generally have a last blowout holiday (well its blown my savings completely out lol) and we have booked already to repeat the experience with a couple of upgrades, who knows when we will get the chance to do it again, but closer to home I need all of our friends (and I know some people do) to encourage the wife simply to enjoy life again I really do love her and I hate to see her stressed the way she is at times, life’s a pile of shit but we have to get on with it, so tell the world we are available for weddings, bar mitzvahs and afternoon drinkie poo’s (even though the wife doesn’t drink these days) gigs, visits to darkest North East England, I simply want my wife to get an injection of life so that she can start living again.

So that’s the holiday, written as if it was like one of my books (which I miss doing to be quite honest) cunning plans abound but, I cant get dynamite to get the wife kickstarted onwards in this thing we call life, the next couple of blogs are just about written and then I go silent through until the new year, when I have to take stock and go forward once more, with hopefully more music related blogs, reviews of gig and albums and biographies, and any other form of madness, hopefully keeping the numbers as consistent as they are now, so look to the skies for incoming, keep doing what you are all doing and spreading the disease, until the next blog…..Toodles!

Another Day in Paradise/The Final Countdown

Another Day in Paradise – Yet another cunning plan.

September 10^th.

So starts another day in paradise, well ok its Florida, a little bit of a lie in, well ok sat reading in the room, not so much of a lie as a normal person would know, another breakfast, then back in the car, for a trip back to The Florida Mall, for a couple of small presents, we haven’t completely melted the credit card yet (but we have had a damn good go) we needed a couple of small presents and the wife wanted to have a final splurge, and splurge she did!

We finally used the mall’s food court, orange chicken and noodles for both of us, it was ok, wasn’t the best but it wasn’t the worst either, not that we have had bad food anywhere, I really do like the food in America, it’s just unfortunate that it likes me as well, it’s all been canny (that slang for nice for my foreign readers). We took it nice and slow and had a few sitting breaks along the malls simply because we were both knackered.

On one of our breaks I discovered that there was a Barnes & Noble book store close (books glorious books and Vinyl as well, now that was a nice surprise) so we decided to take a detour, I was drooling over the vinyl until the wife found the music book section, I quit while I was ahead, I bought two heavy duty Queen books, I could have spent a fortune thankfully I didn’t, although I do regret not buying Queen Innuendo as a double vinyl box set, for $34 when I checked at home it was £59 that’s considerably more, ah well there’s always next time! I’m not sure how I’m going to get them home, I’m definitely going to be charged for being overweight, that’s my luggage not me!

We travelled back for a lazy evening, we only sauntered out so the wife could have some ice cream, we went back to the room and quietly started making cunning plans for next year, yes, we have cunning plans for the next year! We then set about planning our packing seeing what was going where, we both had a good day, no falling out, no little bitchy comments a leisurely day, and packing practise, it might take a couple of attempts to get this right LOL!

 

The Final Countdown – Yet another cunning plan.

September 11^th.

Well, that was a surprise yet another early start, a lovely shower to kick start the day or at least my heart, we gathered our thoughts and headed for breakfast, it was ok, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I had the previous eight times, maybe at some point I should have mixed it up a little, maybe I simply had omelette lag, not sure but it was yes, just alright! A couple of small tasks then we are both going to go into full Tetris mode and try and get everything into our luggage, it’s like trying to fit a pint into a shot glass, don’t know if we can do it, but we shall give it a go or at least die trying! Off in the car on a little detour to complete our little tasks, we ended back at Denny’s I had the same it was just as nice the second time around it was a more pleasant experience as we missed the lunch rush.

As we left the car park the wife had a small relapse of her sunstroke feeling decidedly sickly, neither of us were sure if she could hold it together, thankfully as we hurtled along the highway and saw Gaylords (see previous blogs) the wife was sure she could make it, no food for the victim once we got back I simply had some snackettes (what I wasn’t leaving them behind), as we were lying in the room we were hit by the first proper down pour of the holidays, and it was a doozy the wife filmed it, it was awesome the lightening spectacular as always, I’m glad we were safe in our room, but also glad we didn’t miss the storm, I do like the rain!

We did a final sweep of the room and decided to have an early (for us) night as we were both so excited to be heading home tomorrow…………………...NOT! little did we know that the storm clouds were gathering ahead of us and that the both of us didn’t see it happening, well at least not until it was too late, buts thats the tale of tomorrow, and it is a tale!

Breakfast in America – Yet another cunning plan.

 

Breakfast in America – Yet another cunning plan.

September 9^th.

Another early rise, I’ve given up hope of having a proper lie in,  but today was intended to be a rest day, travelling yes but walking, very little allegedly, I have given up on getting a lie in, it is what it is, my sleep pattern is simply what it is back home between 4/5 hours a night, if I want any more I have to crash in a chair after tea/evening meal, But the sun is shining so it was going to be a good day (so you bloody well think so) up and out for our usual breakfast, I do like the food in America, however if I was to stay in America for more than 14 days I would be the size of the goodyear blimp (I’m a glutton what are you going to do about it).

Once we had been fed and watered, we bimbled back to the room to get sorted, a bit of spit and polish and my parting in my hair just so, we set off to join the horses on the highway, the intention was to find a couple of specific small presents for peeps, we had been looking but hadn’t been able to source them, we were going to have to trawl the gift shops that line the highways, or I should say used to, we had to go a little further than planned, we were however we were striking a blank, at one point these shops were everywhere, but about 80% of them have fallen of the face of the earth, the ones that are still there are usually pretty good, if you want some Tat, (we did).

Once we had travelled further afield then we had planned we decided to have lunch, we found a Denny’s on our travels ( I do like a Denny’s) its cheap(ish) and definitely cheerful we had a ten minute wait as we were there at the lunch time rush, we were soon seated we both decided on the Bourbon Chicken done in a skillet and it was bloody lovely, I scoffed the lot, thankfully I have a tendency not to do puddings, if I had done after my main you could have rolled me out like a barrel, so far the best meal of the holiday, we hadn’t had a bad meal but this one won hands down, as we left we noticed a thrift store across the road, should we have a look? well we might as well since we were here.

As we walked in the door there was the gift we had been searching high and low for, there was only one as well, so it was meant to be, yes we had to travel to find it but I do believe it was well worth it, and other twenty or so minutes looking at more tat than we need, we decided to fill the petrol tank as the car had to be returned with a full tank, we weren’t sure how big the tank was and we had done about 300 miles already, it came in at $30, if only it was this cheap back home, we then travelled back for some good old fashioned laziness, well actually I needed some good old fashioned painkillers, we passed Gaylords, a huge hotel out in the middle of Florida which meant that we had only about 5 minutes until we got back to the room.

However, we were soon headed down a path to our own destruction, as the wife was skirting around me (I’m not an ogre honest) about she wanted to do, it got to tea time and as I dragged us up to the food court she eventually  after nearly three hours of humming and hawing (just bloody tell me, this holiday was all about you and nothing else mattered but YOU!) we then had a heated argument over nothing, we then ended up in  the car in separate corners and we ended up once again at Disney Springs, which is huge, you can guess what state I was in by now, my knees protested with every step, we walked the full length of the bloody place it was meant to be a bloody rest day, by the time we got to the Earl of Sandwich I simply didn’t care as the pain was bleeding over the painkillers and I was in bloody agony, we decided to go in there and have a simple sandwich, which if I’m honest was bloody lovely, it romped in a close second to the Denny’s meal we had had earlier in the day, I will come back again when I’m not in as much pain and hopefully in a much better mood, to be honest I’m a bloke I have no idea what the wife thinks, she simply needs to tell me and I will follow the instructions given, tell me and its all good in the hood, don’t tell me and  this is the attitude that comes with the pain and agony that is my knees.

We both enjoyed our sandwiches, but by now I was a shell of a man and every step was like a knife in each knee cap, I was close to tears as I got back to the car, and I wasn’t sulking on the ride home I was simply in too much pain, I think the penny had dropped with the wife, as she was gentle with me for the rest of the evening, once we were back after our journey in the darkness, I took drugs and simply went to bed where I had a really strange nights sleep or that should read a sleepless night as I drifted in out of slumber, probably a combination of the drugs and the pain!

I did manage a slight lie in (which no doubt I will brag about in the next blog) I even managed to turn back over and go back to sleep until 08.30, take the fact that I never ever do that, hopefully this will better and argument free day, Ho Hum life goes on!

Bad Motor Scooter – Yet another cunning plan.

 

Bad Motor Scooter – Yet another cunning plan.

8^th September.

We awoke refreshed, well almost, I was suffering incredible pains in my knees, painkillers and the gel wasn’t working, the supports were to a degree and the walking stick (yes I know I’m a cripple) a little more, I didn’t know how I was going to manage another day in a park, maybe our strategy wasn’t as clever as we thought, but we soldiered on, back to the food court for our usual breakfast (if it’s not broke why change it) this was to be our last official day in a park, but rumbling stomachs needed to be fed!

We were back in the car for another trip (and $30 parking, the robbing…...let’s not go there) as we slowly moved through the morning traffic we both decided that the wife had had an awesome idea, not that I wanted to go along with it, to be honest my manliness was sulking all the way too Universal Studios, but we agreed to avoid any more pain, stress and arguments, that not only was the wife going to hire a motor ability scooter so was I, something I didn’t want to do for me, but my ego was defeated as was I really, I couldn’t have done another day where I did in excess of 29000 steps, I was getting slower and slower each day and it was badly impacting on the holiday.

I’m not going to lie it wasn’t cheap, but as I walked towards the hire place I knew that we had made the best decision, (although I’m not sure how I got the slow one and the wife got the Gran Prix version) I was asked if I needed a lesson, I know my way around them as I used to service them in a previous existence, as soon as we set off we knew that we had made the right decision, we covered so much ground a lot quicker, my ego was still crushed, I hate the idea that I’m getting older and I’m crippled more with each waking hour, but we covered so much more ground, I was happier in a strange kind of way, we couldn’t afford to do this every day, but as a one off for me it was acceptable (just) I still felt guilty but it meant we could do everything that we wanted with no more pain, no fighting between ourselves and if truth be told it was probably my favourite day in the parks.  

In 4 short hours we bought more T- shirts, including a lush Frankenstein one for me and a Dracula one for the wife, we had a second breakfast and afterwards I sat and watched the crowds while I was scooter watching, it was a struggle when we headed back to the hire place to give them up , but it was a wise choice getting them as it’s a long walk back to the car from Universal and we were both crippled by the time we managed to get there,  we would have never made it around the parks without them, we took refuge in a Starbucks at the halfway point (fruity things not coffee) but we were relieved when we finally managed to place our aching bones back in the car! We pulled out as the first rain of the holiday arrived; we were soon back out on the highway heading to our next port of call.

We headed back to the Disney (downtown) Springs shopping plaza but to be honest we were disappointed as we were looking for a fridge magnet that had been requested, but it was like they no longer existed. We knew that we would need to come up with a cunning plan if we were to find our prize, Disappointment pushed aside for the time being we headed to Walmart as we needed to get some more supplies, and maybes just a little more vinyl (two Metallica albums in coloured vinyl) now it may look like we were buying a lot of supplies but we weren’t we simply didn’t want to over do it, basically because I would have scoffed the lot, me with my reputation I know, little and often was the order of the day!

Tonight we intend to chill and relax, the parks are behind us now, its all abought doing sweet bugger all, I need my  knees to have some sort of semblance of resting, otherwise I might need a mobility scooter permanently, yes my ego was massively shredded, but I’m not stupid enough to ruin the holiday over my vanity, that’s why I’m being open and honest about hiring one, I don’t know how the wife copes she suffers worse than me (I mean she has to put up with me) bless her, we have some small cunning plans as to where we intend to go and what we intend to do, but lets see how it goes, I can see the end of the holiday in sight, let’s try and get there with as little drama as possible, and yes I know I have just jinxed us!                (I know how this ends)

Out of Control – Yet another cunning plan.

 

Out of Control – Yet another cunning plan.

7^th September.

A good night’s sleep for once, I was going to say I felt refreshed but I didn’t, I was in pain with my knees (they felt destroyed) I struggled up to have a shower, once cleansed I took painkillers and used painkilling gel on my knees, my supports groaned as I pulled them on for another days work, a slow hobble for a light breakfast and then off to be the first in line for the bus as we went to yet another (Disney) park and again we were going to use the bus, the wife will be getting a reputation, lol, we got there with plenty of time to spare, as we stood in the early bird queue we met a lovely family, husband, wife and three kids, one with the same issues as the grandson, we were soon ushered through the gates (we only stood for about 20 minutes, unfortunately about 19.30 minutes too long).

I felt the wife was willing me to go quicker (I couldn’t)we were still at the ride (something to do with Avatar don’t ask I don’t know simply I don’t care) at the front of the queue, I took the wife’s bag and her stick, and told her where I was going to be sat (please take note because the wife didn’t) and off she hobbled, I then sat down in the spot I said I was going to sit as the park got steadily busier and the ride now had a huge queue, me I sat and watched all the freaks (I say that in a good way) I put my sunglasses on as it got brighter and drank my water, and I continued to people watch, all the while there was a steady stream of people coming from the ride but I didn’t see the wife, then I noticed a member of the park team with someone obviously searching for somebody (you can see where this going can’t you) methodically working their way through the crowd, yes it  was the wife with the cast member, I hadn’t moved an inch, but I was happy to see that wife was distressed at not being able to see me, again I will make the statement that I hadn’t moved a muscle, once we were over the hump and the wife was calmer, we decided to sit a little longer so the wife could refresh herself, we sat and talked to a couple from Sunderland, who were really nice (who knew) we sat chatting for around about 45 minutes and slowly meandered through the park.

Again, we were going to do two parks, so we caught the bus back to our room had a small rest then headed out again, we were again hopeful of a better afternoon we didn’t really have much hope! We entered our second park of the day and we could see straight away it was going to go to rat shit, the queues were huge, this was by far the busiest park we had been into, we were soon at each other’s ankles biting as we went, I was now in full spiteful mode, my knees weren’t helping, I’m ok when I’m on the move (well kind of) but if I have to stand in one place the agony is unbelievable,  we were both crippled we were both thirsty and to be honest we both wanted to kill the whole world, some of the rides that the wife was hoping to go on had anywhere between 45 to 90 minute waiting times, even she didn’t want to do those times, finally we decided to go on the test track, I thought I could handle a simple go around a circuit, “erm that’s not what it does” “Oh Fuck” then after about a 20 minute stand I then was shoved into a car/buggy, I couldn’t find the seat belt, I knew I wasn’t going to like this, and for once I was right I absolutely hated it, as soon as it took off my ears popped and thankfully I was deaf, that didn’t stop the sensation of wanting to vomit, why the hell did I agree to this, I was way off the beam now I was glad to stumbled (I did find the seat belt just before it hurtled off into space like a bloody rocket) out of the bloody thing , it was official the afternoon was shot before this fiasco but was officially totally scuppered, I was using a stick at this point it wasn’t helping at all, we headed back to the bus to take us back to our lodgings.

I wasn’t happy that we had argued (although I’m surprised that it actually took so long) it had to happen, we both said things that we regretted ( I hope we both regretted them) it felt like the old angry me was just below the surface, the one that really doesn’t give a rats ass and damn the consequences, so let’s draw a veil over that portion of the afternoon and leave it at that, we surrendered to food, snackettes, painkillers, and drifted off in an air condition prison cell, tomorrow back in the car and Universal Studios, hopefully tomorrow will be better it couldn’t get any worse than this afternoon got!         Could it?

These Colours Don’t Run! – Yet another Cunning Plan.

 

These Colours Don’t Run! – Yet another Cunning Plan.

6^th September.

Wow, possibly the best night’s sleep I have had since we were away, just over 6 hours, a little more than normal for me but what a difference it has made, I had a lie in, well kind of, woo hoo, the wife was in better shape as well, hopefully this is the start of something (or have I just jinxed myself) off to the food court for the usual breakfast me and my western omelette and tatter tots and the wife waffles with extra bacon, yum yum! Back to the room to look our best and then to the car as today its all about Universal Studios, I’m sure we have got this!

We don’t need google today we know where we are going although we are aware that a lot more has sprung up around the park, we got there as the parks opening, but damn its $30 to park the bloody car (WTF) the last time we were here it was $6! We parked in our spot and wandered in towards the park, there’s a security layer before you even get to the park itself, even the security guards get screened, the entrance is still the same it just seems like its “BIGGER” or am I just getting old, don’t bother I know the answer, we go to the ticket booth the lovely Ed helps us, and is great like a lot of the staff in the parks even in they are pissed off they don’t show it, it does make a difference when we go there.

Harry Potter is the order of the day but I am going to try one or two of the gentler rides I cant do anything that will screw with my middle ear, it renders me deaf and I feel incredibly nauseous, we soon meander (that’s my way saying we were slow) up to the Harry Potter  plot and I grab a seat while the wife goes off, its not full yet simply because it’s quite early, I find a seat that’s a little shaded and do what I seem to do best and that’s watch all the brilliant freaks who are out in the park, a few peeps come and go but after about ten minutes there’s a rather unhappy looking chap who parks his butt and looks me up and down as if he doesn’t trust me, I don’t care one of us will be long gone before too soon, or so I thought, this guy (about my age but wasn’t European) kept giving me the evil eye(to an extent I wasn’t really watching him that much) soon his family/friends/rent a crowd, turned up and all the bags he was looking after went to the right individuals , until the small children saw another ride and they wanted to go on that, the rest of the party stayed.

It was at this point an English chap wandered up to me and asked if I knew what the waiting time was for the ride that wife had disappeared off on, I replied that I thought it was around 15 minutes, he thanked me and wandered off to join the queue, at this point my swarthy friend decided to speak to me, “ inglese” I responded with a cheer smile and said that I was indeed English, to which he grimaced and replied “Malvinas” to which I replied “Falklands” “Malvinas” a little louder “Falklands” I replied in best polite but firm voice, he stood up and almost (and I mean almost) shouted “Malvinas” at this point his party were looking a little disturbed they had come to have a good time not to charge over Goose Green! At this point I had had enough and in my best RSM voice I replied still sitting down(I couldn’t have stood even if I had wanted to) “Falklands, you outnumbered us then and you outnumber me now but I won’t back down, so do what your troops back in the day and surrender, I served, so bugger off” the rest of his party herded him away and they avoided my gaze, he wandered off muttering to himself while the women of his party scolded him, the whole thing lasted no more than about 45 seconds, he wasn’t bothering me and I wasn’t bothering him, I have no idea  what his beef was but I had stood my ground and was all the happier for it, about 5 minutes later two of the biggest (and I do mean big) of the parks security team came around the corner, looking for me by the looks of it, and asked me if I had been having issues with a group (great this were I get me and the wife kicked out of the park in under an hour) I told them about the discussion, and they replied ”don’t worry someone reported them to us and we kicked them all out” erm ok “Did you serve?” I did I replied “SEMPER FI” they replied and it made me chuckle, I do like how the Americans are grateful for everyone in their military, its 42 years since I served but I still felt an immense amount of pride!

The wife turned up as they were walking away and wondered why I had a grin on my face, I don’t think she was too happy, but hey we didn’t get kicked out so all is good in the hood, we explored more Harry Potter World, she had another go another ride (tame was her opinion) and we decided to try and get an early(ish) lunch, we ended up in the Three Broomsticks, were there was an early assignation attempt as the seats are for people smaller than me, as I fell backwards from a height, I wasn’t impressed, but I was when I realised it wasn’t just me that it was happening to, an Asian lady who sat next to us actually disappeared under the table, I was also disappointed that there was only non-alcoholic cider being served (I didn’t mind) but it should have said on the menu, the grub was ok, if not a tad generic, but it filled a hole, off we went for more Harry Potter shenanigans, and eventually ended up on the King Kong ride, which I enjoyed,, my knees by this time were starting to suffer, I was worried about he wife, yet it’s me who struggled from the get go of the holiday!  The fact that I have been averaging 27000 steps I knew I was going to crash and burn sooner rather than later.

As the day went on I got slower and slower, and I’m not ashamed to admit I was using a stick to get around, I should look for a vet once we leave the park see if they will put me down, we had done enough and did the slow walk back to the car, but the time we got there I could barely get my butt in the car, on the drive back we were in heavy traffic and about a mile up the road I could see a plume of smoke, oh a fire, and I’m not even at work, sure enough it was a bus fire all under control by the time we passed it and got on our merry way, I was more concerned as to how I was going to get out of the car at the other end, more than the bus on fire! I hope that’s not a sign for when we get back on Disney transport to go to one of their parks, (Animal Kingdom), tonight’s going to be a lazy night as my knees are truly battered, when I get home, I must try and talk to a Dr about my knees (yeah right).

No Time to Lose – Yet Another Cunning Plan.

 

No Time to Lose – Yet Another Cunning Plan.

5^th September.

Dammit awake just after 12.00, WTF is actually going on with my body clock, sod it, I turned back over and screwed my eyes shut, praying, I finally slipped off to sleep (unheard of) I was still up and awake and padding around the room at around 04.30, but I had actually had around 6 full hours of sleep and I didn’t actually feel too bad, the wife arose and we got ready and we headed out for a small breakfast, as we had a bus too catch, that’s right the car was staying put, and we were going to sample the delights of the Disney bus service, I know the wife actually on a bus, this was going to be fun, but our first actual day in a park, what could go wrong?

Of course we got there and I caused us technical difficulties straight away, as my band for going in the parks didn’t work, (technology grrrr) we were early birds so we had to do a little waiting, thankfully the technology got sorted, actually it didn’t and we had to come back, more on this later, thankfully the staff as always are lovely, I know it’s the job, but the staff here deserve a medal for how good they are, no matter what the issue is, back home you would a stroppy teenager, here you had an adult who was there to actually help, then off to star wars world, land, Planet or whatever! this is where my holiday gets a tad pedestrian as I can’t actually do many rides because of an inner ear issue, again more of this later on.

So my day mainly consist lots of walking, standing, waiting or as in this case sitting and waiting, this isn’t a complaint, I’m aware of my difficulties and am more than happy to sit and people watch (one of my favourite pastimes) after the wife returned from the first ride I was in dire need of something to sustain me as my diabetes was having a pop at me for not having my standard breakfast, as we were in star wars world/planet/land whatever, it was something with a funny name, basically it was a sausage in an omelette in a kind of a wrap, it was just what the Dr ordered, it perked me up for the next part of the adventure, then onwards to the second ride of the day, again me sitting pretty, twiddling my thumbs, people watching, trust me I am happy, because all of the best freaks are here!

Then it was time to hit the shops (mainly for the air conditioning honest) when I discovered something that we didn’t know about, “Meet a Wookie” I mentioned it to the wife and she was off like a shot, I struggled to keep up with her, the queue wasn’t massive, the bloody Wookie was and I do indeed have the footage and I honestly thought there was going to be a complaint and a restraining order! As it happens the footage will come in handy if I need to start divorce proceedings, the first time we ever came to Disney I have a picture of her meeting a Wookie and she is the happiest person in the park, this was times ten on the happiness factor for her, to me it’s a person in a suit, whatever floats your boat I suppose, but that 38 second video will be kept by the lawyers lol!

We then headed back to Guest services to resolve the ongoing issue with my band once and for all by the lovely Amy, my youngest would be great in the job, then off for some human food, otherwise known as lunch then back to our room to change as we had an hour to kill before we could switch parks (the wife had the parks planned like it was an invasion of some small country) the second park  of the day was disappointing, mainly because my knees were suffering, oh and the wife got a mild dose of sunstroke, that kind of took the shine the afternoon, we struggled to get her back to the bus station, just a little, we headed back to our room about 17.30, the bus was lovely, just as well as the wife wasn’t well enough to drive, I put the wife to bed and I sat and read for a while, whilst enjoying some snackettes, I finally decided to hit the hay myself as I was tired (and in just a little pain) I was in bed for 21.00 but awake at 03.00 (not jetlag as I was always refreshed after sleeping), thankfully yet again I was able to turn over and drift off, it wasn’t as a deep a sleep as before, but I was happy to have been able to snooze again!

This holiday wasn’t going to be conducted at a sprint but as a marathon, which is just as well as my knees were shot at this point, I was really starting to worry as I didn’t want to let the wife down, however we were doing on average 29000 staps a day something was going to give and by the looks of  it, it was going to be me, anyway tomorrow we were back in the car as we were going to Universal Studios, and again as I drifted off to sleep what on earth could go possibly go wrong, it’s not like I could start a war…….or could I?

Kick Out the Jams – Another Cunning Plan.

 

Kick Out the Jams – Yet Another Cunning Plan.

4^th September.

If this was some kind of dissertation for an exam it would/should be called “The Continuing Perpetual Sleep Deprivation Plan” or as this blog shall be known, “Kick out the Jams” or actually just me, I was woken quite rudely from my slumbers by the wife trying to kick start a bloody motorcycle, or rather simply kicking the crap out of me, she was simply having a bad dream, rather than me simply having a short night’s sleep, Me I was on a roll of short nights sleeping pattern, I normally average around 5/6 hours sleep the last 6 days I have averaged 3 to 4 hours and it was taking its toll on me, at this rate I will be pulling the Z bed down for safety, the problem is once awake I cant for some stupid reason simply turn over and go to sleep, the wife can (damn how I envy her).

Once more I sat in the dark recess of our room having a snackette for breakfast planning the blog and playing games until the queen of the dark arises, she was full of sorrow for the distress she had caused me, that didn’t resolve my issue, but I was grateful of the apology (maybe tonight…..fingers crossed) then off for breakfast (well actually my second breakfast, honest I’m no hobbit) as I was slightly tired we opted for the same thing as the previous day, and again it was lovely,  to be honest I couldn’t be arsed to see what the other eateries were offering I found something I liked and I intended to stick with it.

Back to the room to be medicated and strapped up (well just my knees) and we were off to the shops, huzzah there was money to be spent, we gathered our resources and headed to what was going to be a hot car as there had been no cover when we arrived back last night, we opened the car doors to a sheer blast of heat started the engine and got the AC working, we were soon inside and so chiiiiiiilllllled! The temperature would reach the high 30’s  I’m English I’m not designed for temps in double figures, we set sail to our destination, things had changed in the years since we were last here things kind of looked the same, but at the same time they didn’t, the roads were now a lot bigger and there were even more toll roads, the wife is super confident now she has her bearings, today was to test her resolve and the usage of Google maps was something we had never done in the USA before, here goes!

Google maps whilst helpful wasn’t perfect, we missed a turn simply because it was a complicated junction it sent us straight on and as we drove, we both went “we should have turned there” we then had a detour of 14 miles to bring us back to where we needed to be, thankfully we were both wide awake and scanning the horizon it was a very stress full 14 miles but it had to be done, me attempting to be helpful and the wife telling me “to shut the f*** up” and then we took at the second attempt the junction, this time it was masterfully taken, with only a few curse words of thanks. It had been 14 miles of massive roads and then just a small amount of distress between the pilot and navigator(is it this one…..i don’t know) thankfully we arrived at our destination without any further issues, a rather large external mall which had been recommended because of the Disney retail store, to say we were disappointed would be an understatement, decidedly underwhelmed and my knees were once again kicking in we decided to have some food, we settled on a five guys burger in one of the food courts, which again was underwhelming and the staff were super helpful (NOT).

We then decided to head to Kissimmee, where all of our adventures had originally started way back in the day, and to be honest even when we came across the big orange (and believe me its big) we were unsure as everything did look different, we hit the flea market which is kind of cool but not, if you get my drift, its good ……but not! It’s also now loaded with food trucks which I wish we had of waited for, but the wife said I wouldn’t have made it in the state I was in, once we had bought what we came for we decided to head to Walmart, where finally I found a selection of vinyl, we had come for some supplies (as I had munched through the snackette supplies) it wasn’t a large selection but I was able to buy myself a Queen album in coloured vinyl and A Nightmare before Christmas picture disc for my brother, who we texted to see if he had it , to say he was frothing at the mouth would be an understatement, supplies (and vinyl) bought we headed back to the room as we really did need some respite the distances walked and the heat had well and truly kicked our butts, once rested we made cunning plans and checked the bus times as tomorrow was to be the assault on our first park, and the car was going to stay put, we then had a mooch in the shop, didn’t buy anything but we simply had a mooch.

 We then decided to have a look and see what was available for our evening meal later on, and then I was gobsmacked as my fave American meal was on the menu and I certainly didn’t want to wait, Meatloaf and not the singer, I was like a dog at broth because I love meatloaf, pointless making it at home as I would be the only one eating it (hang on that’s not a ba…..) no I would be the size of a bigger house, and for the first time on this holiday there was vegetables (Yum yum) the wife had chicken and it looked nice just not as nice as my meatloaf, I would suffer later on, but I didn’t care it was simply divine!

Back to our camp for the night where the wife watched Robin Williams play a blue genie and she did every single damn line (as if she was his own personal prompter) me I tried to read and listen to tunes, resting my knees as best as I could, and to prep some notes for the blog, tomorrow was going to be busy with a capital B!

March of the Black Queen – Yet another Cunning Plan.

 

March of the Black Queen – Yet another Cunning Plan.

3^rd September.

God bless the land of the Pop Tart!

What a surprise I awoke at 04.30 with Tonsilitis (the air conditioning on the plane and then the room doesn’t help), I got up and gargled with mouthwash, I know it will get better during the day. I sat in the dark awaiting my Queen to rise from her slumbers, today is the day we start to melt the credit card! Once the Queen was awake, we made ourselves respectable and headed to the food court for our first breakfast of the jaunt, the wife had waffles with extra bacon (if you really want to call it bacon) I had a Western Omelette (Eggs, Ham & Cheese with a smattering of Peppers) with Tater Tots a solid 9/10, mine won, I’m not a fan of what the Americans call pancakes the wife loves them, just not for me thank you’ it’s a personal thing!

We decided to have a jaunt off to the Florida Mall, a place we have visited regularly visited on previous holidays to the sunshine state, first we needed to find a Publix (like a Tesco just bigger) for some supplies for snacks and the like for when we are in the room on an evening chilling, we do like a little snackette, we decided to browse, and soon I was in heaven I was in Pop Tart land, whereas at home we are lucky to get a couple of flavours, the USA has over twenty, I was a good boy I bought two standard boxes of them, Blueberry (my choice) & Raspberry (the wife’s choice) although I’m not sure if she got any, and yes I love them cold lets not go there! Supplies bought we returned to the room at Disney and then headed back on the open road.

 It’s a Sunday morning so traffic was reasonably light and the wife was a lot more comfortable driving on the freeways, it has been over 15 years since we were last here, its has changed quite a bit, we got there a little early and found a spot in the shade, well it’s under a tree that’s as good as we were going to get, and the day was only going to get hotter, we sat in our air conditioned box and people watched while we waited it’s a great hobby and I recommend it, as its great to get a view of the actual human condition) , we entered through the Sears entrance and not a lot has changed the big department stores are always empty, I have no idea how they survive, lots of good little shops (no record shops), and the food court has changed dramatically its now HUGE with a capital H, it looks good but we decided to move on as we couldn’t decide where to go, this was the beginning of some poor spots on various days as a combination of excessive heat and my diabetes had me bouncing from time to time, by the time we left I was starting to sink, I needed food, we headed to Disney Springs ( formerly known as Prince, I mean Downtown Disney) and its now three times the size!

We were a little disorientated because there was now a number of Multi story car parks and larger surface car parks, we eventually found a spot, thankfully something easily recognisable, so we wouldn’t lose the car (as if) I was also starting to suffer with my knees, I was wearing shorts and my supports would have looked out of sorts with the image I was projecting (LOL I hope I can find a vet that might put me down) and was getting less responsive we simply didn’t realise how much bigger the place was, we finally settled at Planet Hollywood, thinking that we might have to wait a while, we didn’t we got straight in and sent to the third floor (there’s four) and were soon perusing the menu, The food was nice I had a pulled pork sandwich with fires and the wife had…..i have no idea as I was so engrossed in my own delight, as we left I bought a couple of cool t-shirts (watch this space there’s going to a recurring theme) I was replenished after the food but getting slower with each step, the 10 days were going to be a bigger struggle than I had realised. We headed back to the car (with many lands in Disney Springs still be visited and conquered) but took small respites in shops where I could sit for a minute and saviour their air conditioning (the tonsilitis was starting to ebb away) more Disney shops and the House of Blues another T – Shirt purchased (I told you didn’t I) I slowly hobbled back to the car (we didn’t get lost….honest) and had a slow drive back to base, I had a little snooze, I do that when I’m at home, but my body clock is so out of whack I really needed it, I’m not suffering because of it, I’m just a little out of sorts.

I awoke at 18.00 hours and we needed food, back to the food court where I had a meatball marinara sandwich which was ok (6/10) again I was told at the time what the wife had, it looked nice, but I needed substance so concentrated on mine, plus I didn’t want to slop, and that was that we meandered back to the room for a quiet evening, trying to recover and get sense of normality because of the body clock thing, tomorrow we have a busy day ahead its Labour day (a big bank holiday) so we will avoid Disney (and hopefully the big crowds we have a cunning plan)  and go elsewhere in the world, so the intention tonight is to watch The Incredibles movie/s (Woman where’s my super suit) a couple of great movies , well I like them, they appeal to our sense of humour (Jack Jack). Tomorrow I will wear both knee supports even though I’m wearing shorts, lots of people do it, so I’m simply going to go with the flow, otherwise I might as well just stay in the room for the next 9 days, and I sure as hell do not intend to do that, onwards is the order of the day!

Other than our health issues (we both different ones, damn when did we both get so old?) I can deal with my (fingers crossed) issues, the thing that’s kicking my butt is my body clock being slightly out, its not jet lag, I sleep for limited length of time anyway, waking up even earlier in the night could be a bit distracting, lets see how it goes!

No More Lies – Airport - Yet another cunning stunt.

 

No More Lies – Yet another cunning stunt.

 

1^st September.

Yet again I was up early, actually I was up even earlier than any of the previous mornings! So, I did what I do best I mooched around the house with some headphones on gazing into space listening to music and then listened to just a little bit more music, I felt like running through the house banging a drum, but I needed the bride of Dracula to be in a good mood and rested as she as always is the designated driver. By the time I got to The Electric Boys absolutely every chore (downstairs) had been done, I had even prepped the breakfast, I was like a coiled spring, well more like a slinky but you get the picture!

I had my breakfast (two Kit Kats just in case you need to know) and a mug of tea, by this time I was sat watching the news, well it was on in the background however I’m not so sure I was actually paying due care and attention to anything but the weather, finally she who must be obeyed was awake,  while she had her breakfast I busied myself upstairs beds stripped bathroom polished to within an inch of its life all that was left to do was to put bleach down the loo’s , she was just about ready.

We had a couple of bits of last-minute packing, mainly for the hand luggage we then just had to throw the baggage into the car and were under starters orders, we set off and decided to travel to Manchester using Google Maps (WTF) talk about the long way there, the holiday would have been over if we had followed it to the letter of its instructions, let’s just say it was the scenic route, just a bit! Even though we took matters into our own hands and it was a pleasant drive (just not the way we expected) we could have flown to New York in the time that it took us, we definitely won’t be going home on the same route!

We found the hotel and then discovered that the car park was built in the 60’s and it wasn’t designed for modern cars, we got into one slot but would never have gotten out, you actually would have struggle to get a sheet of paper down either side, eventually we found a spot nobody else wanted and slung it in it, took our bags down to reception, thankfully the staff were nice and pleasant, the hotel had definitely seen better days (down at the heel probably best describes it). The room was ok and we freshened ourselves up to go and have some tea  as we had payed for a three course nosh up, well guess what, we did eat, just not a lot, starters was soup of the day (tomato) the main was pork chop and cold veg, and I didn’t fancy any pudding (I’m sweet enough) but the wife fancied some cheese cake, well a brick more like as it was still frozen, to say it wasn’t a success would be an understatement, we retreated to the room to read for a  little and to rest after the loooooooooong  journey down.

At some point, a lot earlier than the wife would normally suggest we decided to hit the hay, no sooner had our heads hit the pillows, we both wondered if the car was safe, we both couldn’t settle so after 20 seconds of panic I decided to get dressed and head down to check, through the warzone that was the ground floor of the hotel, people who were pissed but needed to be early the next day, I’m so glad that I came down to check as we had left a window down as I had been directing the wife into the slot, window fully engaged, which was a drama as I had never started the car before and wasn’t sure if the car would fly off the car park to the street below like something out of a fast and furious script, crisis averted by the expert tutelage of the wife I was soon back in the room, once again in bed and I was soon fast a sleep dreaming of a holiday that literally was just around the corner!

Airport – Yet another cunning stunt.

2^nd September.

Only three hours sleep I should have warned the world I was fragile and I could get just a tad grumpy!

Overall for the hotel, I would give the staff a 7 /10 the food 2/10 and the hotel and parking 4/10, it did the trick, if we do this again, we need another cunning plan, we avoided breakfast, purely on the performance of the evening meal, we were soon outside ( I was wishing I had bought some chocolate) awaiting our trusty chariot to take us to the airport, the driver was like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh that was until we slung a fiver into his hand, it certainly cheered him up and his thanks was quite effusive.

At the airport well it soon descended into chaos, the check in was fine but the security was simply bedlam, Thankfully before we descended into the seven rings of hell we decided to grab a breakfast and thankfully it was lovely, it wasn’t cheap but it set me up ready for the flight, then we entered what could only be described as hell, the staff were fine but the number of foreign passengers who had a lot of banned items in their luggage and they simply couldn’t understand why they were being taken off them, erm the food processor looks like a bloody bomb, food stuffs, a family with a tub of some cream (origin unknown) was simply all they could fit into the bag, erm that will a hell no then. Honestly, they were educated people just as mad as a box of frogs and their children were brain dead, they had to be told everything three times and they got really upset when half a water buffalo was denied (only kidding) actually I’m not sure that I was, we finally got through and waited to be called, boarding as usual was a ghastly nightmare.

We thought our baggage for the plane was big until we discovered everybody else were bringing small suitcases on as a carry on (you could have fitted me into one of them) the whole process was held up by over 30 minutes and we still don’t know why, people crowding in the tunnel to the plane I was a happy camper once I was in my seat, there were a large amount of weirdo’s on the plane me and the wife were the most normal on the plane…..Honest! thankfully the flight went relatively smoothly the food out was quite nice (for airplane food) the pick of the bunch was a chicken and rice, even the wife enjoyed it, I had intended to read but I simply wasn’t in the mood so I sat and watched old classic films including “Casablanca”  it was one of the better flights I have endured.

We landed at a new airport (at least for us) we usually land at Sanford and then it’s a 30 minute drive to our destination this was a 90 minute drive and boy has everything just got BIGGER, thankfully the airport was navigated very quickly the rental car was a little bit of a hitch as it wouldn’t take our credit card (a frequent occurrence on this trip, more of that later)but once sorted we were on the road in our Nissan Altima, it was lovely and comfortable and we endured the 90 minute drive with just a little consternation as it had been 16 years since wife had drove on the highways of Florida!

We arrived at the Disney resort of our choice (Movie All Stars ) its (not) cheap and cheerful the staff were super friendly we bought our tickets for the parks using the credit card that had been refused (go figure) I didn’t care this was a holiday to try and lift the wife’s spirits and I didn’t care what it actually cost ( I could regret that last statement), we had a little smooch about and then some food at the resorts food court(chicken and chips it was delicious) and then headed back to our room for an early night (it’s been a very long day) lets just hope I don’t wake up on English time!

No Surprise – Inside the box - Yet another cunning stunt.

 

No Surprise – Yet another cunning stunt.

30- 8-23.

Nearly the end of my week at home (the first of three weeks off) before the big day and there’s no surprise yet again I didn’t sleep past five in the morning, so I braved the world of breakfast (toast for those who are interested) and sat dejectedly knowing I couldn’t do anything until the bride of Dracula rose from her pit, so it was headphones and the classic Aerosmith albums starting in reverse from Night in the Ruts back to the debut, I did a little light reading, and checked the laptops were working fine and checking the numbers for the blog……GADZOOKS they are through the roof, I have no idea why but yup a steady four figures over the last seven days (and beyond if truth be told) to say that I’m gob smacked and that flabber is well and truly gasted is an understatement, I have no idea what’s going on!

The wife ascended the stairs and all was well in the world she had a hair appointment, so I decided just to keep pottering, annoying the little dog in the process but in a nice way, he’s not a fan of the hoover, but he is of the microwave (that’s because he knows his chicken is getting cooked) he’s a grumpy old man, a little bit like me, there I said it before any of you keyboard warriors went there. We decided to have pizza as a treat and all went well until I had a small episode of my PTSD issues, thankfully nothing major but the first flare up in over a year, I had to do my mental exercises to level it off, thankfully it wasn’t full blown episode but it put a damper on the evening, I don’t even know what triggered it, it just reared its ugly head and I was able to keep it at arm’s length, I then snoozed like a zombie for the next hour and awoke feeling groggy, it was like I had been on the drink, except I hadn’t! thankfully “Bob” didn’t tag along for the ride, I don’t think I could handled both sensations at the same time, I’m in a much better place than I have been in the last 41 years but its still difficult went it happens!

The great getaway can’t come soon enough, I was feeling punch drunk so I climbed the wooden hill in the vain hope that a blanket of sleep would take me, unfortunately because I had my snooze sleep it didn’t want to know me, I eventually started to feel drowsy after an hour and I heard the wife starting to climb the stairs as it was time to get in her coffin, I don’t recall much else as the land of nod finally took me.

 

Inside the Box – Yet another cunning stunt.

31^st August.

The countdown continues, another early rise after a rather shallow night’s sleep but I did feel refreshed after the previous night’s mishap, a good solid full English breakfast, and I was raring to go (ok that’s a lie but I was full of good intentions). Lots more music to sooth the savage beast I had done a couple of playlists, so I went with the flow and thoroughly enjoyed them, I may just do some more (oooh there’s a blog that will write itself…..maybe’s) some small chores but there was a load of noisy twunts outside banging and hammering, this could go wrong if the bride of Dracula decides to tear them a new one, thankfully the coffin must be lead lined as she did rise from her slumbers, just as well.

A soak in the bath was needed as the day was going to be busy as the little doggy was off on his Holi Bobs to the wife’s cousin (who will spoil him worse than the wife and that will take some doing but if anybody can do it, it’s her!) bath complete it was time to load the car up, with the amount of stuff in the car I thought we were taking him off to university, yes the car was that full, thankfully we had left a spot in the car as we had to pick our youngest up, doggie dropped of and a lovely catch up with the dog sitters the daughter treat us a meal at the place that cannot be named for some Popeyes, and it was……nice, ok it was really nice for chicken! We decided to go to Costco to fill the car and I was amazed at how many people (cock wombles) didn’t know on what side of their car the petrol cap was as they struggled to pull the hose across the top of the car, unbelievable they walk amongst us or rather they drive amongst us! Because of the queue we thought we would come back so we headed back to Gimpsville!

Back to ours for a suitcase inspection by the youngest, thankfully we passed muster, we jumped into the car and took the daughter off to her rehearsals (for Steel Magnolias) in Mordor, mission successful and goodbyes achieved, we headed back to Costco where the queues were thankfully smaller but  the cock wombles were still out in force as I watched a small Asian lady drag the hose over the top of her bloody big jeep as we got closer I could see all of the damage done as it wasn’t the first time she had attempted to climb Everest! It was wonderful to see the wife chuntering onto herself about “Cock Wombles” I love how I can insert words into her vocabulary and she doesn’t realise it lol, a swift return up the hills and across the delta to Gimpsville, that place we call home!

A swift visit to the brother to drop some house keys off, in the event of any emergency, the daughter would ages as she lives miles away and my brother probably about 800 yards, we stayed later than intended but it was good to catch up and have a bit of a natter, we returned to an empty house suitcases packed and tagged standing in the living room, this is it its really going to happen seven weeks from deciding to do it and actually going we climbed the wooden hill with no little dog to send off to sleep, fingers crossed for a lie in!

No Release – True Colours -Yet Another Cunning Plan.

 

No Release – Yet Another Cunning Plan.

 

28^th August.

As much as I tried, I didn’t get a lie in I was still awake 30 minutes before the alarm would have gone off (I had switched it off honest) off down the wooden hill to wander aimlessly (I should say like a caged beast but I’m more like a caged hamster) around the house, until the sun popped up! The weather was looking good, fingers crossed to day could be the day for the trimming of the bush, I mean cutting my hedge! And my other outdoor activities I would regret it later as the body protests loudly, I will simply have to take it on the chin.

A light breakfast, ok a cup of tea and a Kit Kat ( I can always have a second breakfast) I’m chomping at the bit to get outside my neighbour’s may not me and my hedge trimmer being out too early, I leave it until 08.30 then attack the hedge with vigour its not a long hedge but it is about 7 feet tall I only cut twice a year and I need to get it done before we board the plane, in total it takes around 50 minutes to cut and sweep up the trimmings, but I have put it off for so long I thought I might get some happiness upon completion, I didn’t!

The next task is to paint the front gate, this is difficult as I have to be on my knees for most of it and boy am I in agony, this takes longer than the hedge, and I’m not over the moon as I don’t have much balance on my knees, getting old is crap I may have pointed that out in just every blog in the last ……you get the picture!  So the rest of the morning is spent feeling like a cripple actually not feeling like one I am one, thankfully the tasks complete I don’t feel any feelings of satisfaction, so off for a long soak in my bath hopefully will put some life back into these old bones of mine, I try to make sure my notes are up to date to ensure that this blog/book project move smoothly down the production line

The hedge trimmer/Rubiks cube lies at he top of the stairs as I really have no real inclination to even attempt to put it away neatly, it’s the same every time I get it out, I probably should either take more notice as I get it out or take pictures with my modern mobile phone, yeah that won’t happen you all know me so well,  I can take it out but once dismantled its like a nuclear device I have no idea what’s going on in the real world!

Another lazy kind of evening, more notes a nice light evening meal, and then staring blindly at the opiate of the masses, when did I start doing this? I have no idea, more cooking programs, more Gentleman Jack then once more to climb the wooden hill in the vain hope of a longer nights slumber…...erm help!

True Colours – Yet Another Cunning Plan.

August 29^th.

No surprise yet another early morning rise, go downstairs to see the old man of the house let him out, keep an eye on him as he I s nearly blind and has a tendency to blunder into things, actually that’s me, ho hum what’s not helping this morning is my stomach is off, some scrambled eggs to try and sort the gastric issue, then trying to sort my laptops out before the enforced 10 day silence, its slightly better than the weekend but still a few issues Norton trying to wring out more pennies (twunts!) the bride of Dracula arises and we are soon in the thick of it as we try to sort out the Chinese laundry/Santa’s workshop, House just so if someone breaks in its neat and tidy for them (why cant it be tidy when I’m in it….answers on a postcard) sorting stuff seems to have hit a brick wall since the loss of the Kraken and sometimes the wife is a little more fragile than normal, the wife disappears to do some tasks and I have to wait for the British gas engineer, which seems to be getting earlier every year, The lovely Steph turns up does the task and even replaces the CO2 monitor that the engineer two year ago destroyed as he stepped on it! She admired the doll’s house that’s at the top of the stairs that the Kraken bought for the kids that they never had any interest in, it now hangs around our necks like an Albatross, I told her she could have if she so desired for nothing (you can tell the wife wasn’t in) all she had to do was turn up with a bevy of strong burly men to get it downstairs, she said she would have to check with er partner as it is rather large (massive more like it) she didn’t its bigger than most modern builds ah well it be dragged outside and set fire to at some point, watch this space!

On with the chores, bins sorted and cleaned, bathroom cleaned washing in, dishwasher full (I’m a keeper me) then there was a cry for help to deal with a damaged ankle, good deed for the day done (you only need to do one) we headed to the Krakens house to make sure all the stuff that needed to be done was done, who knew that going on holiday could be so exhausting? Off to Tesco’s to make sure we had three weeks of winning lottery tickets (not) there was a few episodes of stroppiness from both sides of the wire, simply because we were both tired, we need our bloody holiday, it can’t come around quick enough!

Then return home and we got the evil eye for parking our car where we normally do, from people who don’t even live in the postcode, I honestly thought that the wife was going to rip limbs from bodies (they were going to the pub…..Feck off) the rest our night was quiet with no breach of our defences we were good people with no petulance, I dozed and soon headed back up the wooden hill for another episode of only five hours in bed, me bitter hell yeah!