Month One

January.

1^st. and so it begins another year let’s hope we can maintain a level of sensible although the Kraken pushed the edge today, the meal was acceptable even though the Kraken thought it was ok to be late (pet peeve number 347) she ranted and raved only a little bit, no foaming at the mouth this time. Thankfully the mere mention of snow sent her back into her cave (if only we knew) well winter is coming feels like a Game of Thrones moment for a second there, a lazy day long may it reign. (Album of the day Queen. 1)

2^nd. Another lie in for me, the year is starting on a good footing, that’s two more lie Ins than last year, have to gear the missus up to head back to work as we had no lottery win, thought we were going to fight over lunch but thankfully that was avoided (it’s the little things that seem to set us off) crisis averted, I have the blog to sort, first of the year, and while editing I came up with an idea for a new book, just like that we really are guided by the stars, once the wife is off to work me and the youngest will sort out our chores, chores complete the youngest treated us to a pizza (OK I’m not that bad I did go half with her) it was lovely now to use Amazon and watch the Grand tour, then we await our mistress to arrive back from work angry and annoyed! (Album of the day 68 – 75. Consequences).

3^rd. woke up before the alarms did go off, I felt slightly disorientated, up bright and breezy after a quick bath and then off to climb on to my local plague carrier, old people are the worst for pushing in, stealing seats and generally not sharing, probably because they think that they are getting off quite quick, I had to chuckle.

First duty manager shift of the year and thankfully I just ploughed through what I had to do, the shift didn’t last long neither did the bus ride home as I “blinked” for large portions of it, got home to be welcomed to a quite quiet home as the youngest has gone back to university (not that she makes much noise but I do miss her) and work on the phone trying to be witty, I can do without this as I’m up at silly o clock to do a quick return for work anyway, somebody will suffer tomorrow. (Album of the day Wild Horses Debut).

4^th. Day four and I don’t want to write anything it’s been an ok kind of day, no crazy, well ok a little with the wife (no surprise right there) but nothing major or life threatening, just a little funk, some music, then some more of a kind of funk but nothing that can’t be cured! (Album of the day Garth Brooks Gunslinger).

5^th. A crap day with shit filtering in through every pore, I had a bad feeling from the get go , the weather was good, no major issues with (my) work, just one of those days, wasn’t helped that I nearly nodded off during a meeting, no I wasn’t tired, my diabetes kicked in and boy was I wiped out, I was fine once I gave my head a shake, the wife had a negative day, I tried my best to lift her spirits, I just wish she could get a break, my annual mini trim for the bushy beard, back to my suave sophisticated look, well maybe not, tomorrow can’t come soon enough good vibes required, not down on the ground, but I’m having to put up a fight. (Album of the day Rainbow Rising).

6^th. A heavy duty day at work with family issues simmering on in the background, the day at work could not end quick enough, even then I was rang three times on the way home, just beat the wife home, she brought the hound back who was in high spirits just as the hurricane and the eldest turned up at the front door and yep you guessed it the pooch ran straight outside onto the busy main road that is at the front of the house, much panic but he was brought back in the bad books, the eldest is ill, so left to go and try and recover, we all had some tea but then I started to doze in my chair, which turned into snoozing which then developed into a coma, not a great night for me, I stumbled off up the wooden hill and was asleep again before the wife made it to the first landing, no doubt I shall suffer the consequences later. Slept so much no album of the day(WTF) that’s the worst point of this little vinaigrette!

7^th. A poor start to the day (because of all the sleep) I never seemed to get to grips with the day, pulled myself around by dinner time but my body clock was so out of sync I thought it was bed time at 17.00, me with my reputation, thankfully no sleepiness today but simply didn’t get motivated to do any of the simple tasks I set myself (I’m actually typing this up early Monday morning waiting for my lift to take me to work) the wife was taken out by the hound he gets so excited when people come to the house he simply darts through peoples legs to be the first person (because he really thinks he’s a person) to greet new arrivals, as a consequence he took out her legs and she went down as if a sniper had took her out, so then a sickly wife for the rest of the night, we made cunning plans for the coming morn and set off for the land of nod!

8^th. I was awake before any of the alarms, dressed and sorted before the wife came downstairs, but she was better than I thought she would be, we trooped off to our local spoon’s for a spot of breakfast, just something different and it got me out of the house, Spoon’s was quiet only a handful in, we left as the seasoned drinkers started to arrive around 09.30, a slow meander back and the day was ruined by us both binge watching stuff on Amazon and Netflix, waste of a day really, but I got to spend it with the wife only one fall out so that has to be a record, off to bed later than I wanted. (Album of the day Judas Priest Unleashed in the east).

9^th. Up at silly o clock, full of dread, I’m not sure why, dull ache in my chest and something just not sitting right with me, caught up with this as I had (already) neglected my entries, but it gave a sense of calm as I wait for my lift, thankfully the day went way quicker than I thought and wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been, the night time was slightly worse as I had a really sick wife who was in a panic about going to work, we both went to bed early. (Album of the day Manowar – Sign of the hammer).

10^th. Another early rise for no apparent reason and a rather grumpy morning at work, I vented my spleen a few times and felt all the better for it, the day was not without issues however I hope I took them all within my stride and I was once again invited to the weekly management meeting only for people to have their head in their hands once again (the truth really does hurt) I really must learn to play their game, let’s see how long it is before I’m invited again? Home and a night where we both blinked for a long period of time in another wise uneventful night. (Album of the day – Thin Lizzy Nightlife).

11^th. A rather windy night is this the start of the bad weather coming I hope not, let’s see what today brings at work, a few cunning plans and a series of deflections planned through the minefield that is a Wednesday! The day wasn’t as bad as it could have been, a few issues but nothing major mainly work related, everything came out good in the end. I blogged or redid a chapter of a book, but I redid it and removed names to protect the innocent, I still felt as intensely as when I did the original draft, that to me means I did something right, not sure what but I did what I had to do, the numbers were good let’s see how long they last? I’m keeping these chunks bite size, that way hopefully they will stay interesting! (Album of the day – Jethro Tull Broadsword and the Beast).

12^th. Today did not go as planned, I simply couldn’t get my gears to go in the right direction, my mood was decidedly…...mhew! onwards was the instruction from my brain but the body was unwilling, thankfully my mood improved, the weather wasn’t as bad as was threatened cold was as bad as I wanted it, thankfully that’s all we got, home and a quick dip while the hurricane was here, then something to eat, and then for me to second guess myself and try and do a small section of editing I’m hoping to do as little as possible, well until each chapter is complete! Tonight, has been quite mellow, not the way I expected the day to go, as I get older I get more superstitious and a greater believer in the karma police tomorrow is the first Friday 13^th of the year it can’t get any worse, can it? (Album of the day – Heather Findlay Band I am snow …quite apt really).

13^th. Superstition has gotten the better of me as I set off in trepidation, the snow has finally arrived although its little more than an inch that’s the country goosed then, off to work to crack on, time for a low profile and to just get on with it and it actually went smoothly, I felt at my contribution to the working day, the wife was doing a late shift so I was coming home to an empty house, well I nearly didn’t as I was sorting through my keys to get in the house I was knocked flat on my ass, it turns out even though I’m a tad overweight I don’t bounce! Helped to my feet I shuffled in and suffered for the night, not as bad as I thought just really tight in my base of my spine and in my shoulders, I was walking around like a Dalek, the wife took pity on me but still called me a dumb ass, we could have done without this as we are off to the hospital in the morning to see a specialist for her feet, she’s in constant pain (probably from kicking me in her sleep), off up the wooden hill trying to lie straight in bed (and not to whimper) thankfully it didn’t take long for me to drift off. (Album of the day Dennis De Young – 10 Songs from Broadway I know go figure!).

14^th. Up a lot earlier than I thought, the back slightly better than I could have hoped for, as soon as we were ready we headed for Newcastle for the wife’s appointment at the Nuffield, I have no idea how we are going to pay for it but hey ho we will cross that bridge when we come to it (again), a slight detour on the way home (hey I got a new Wok) but nature meant that we had to head home sooner than planned, and then the rest of the day was fab me and the wife just laying around like Lopy dogs watching films and generally eating junk between meals and the such like, it was a really good day I had a good soak after our travels which truly loosened m back and shoulders, I don’t feel like a wimp now lying flat on my tush certainly helped, a late night has helped here’s hoping for a lie in tomorrow morning as a I look forward to a week on the plague carrier in the coming week. (EP of the day – Halestorm all of the cover stuff). 

15^th. Another day of sloth, at least it was a more productive one, a number of small chores completed and an end to a good weekend, barely an argument, only one visit by a horde of locusts and then off to bed for an early rise! No music played today, I actually conversed with the wife, I know she was worried as well!

16^th. Up early for my week of catching public transport, I was annoyed as my MP3 player had discharged its battery so I was only able to listen to music hallway there, a busy day (yes I recharged my MP3 player) and a quick getaway from work to have an evening of my own company, as the wife was at work, my night which then spiralled off into black moods, thankfully only for a short while, unfortunately enough for me to rethink the new book idea, and to simply turn it into mega blogs, looking at the blurb website to see if they had rethought their “user friendly” software was what tipped me over the edge, then I had to endure a black night of loneliness and despair, saved by the dog, but not before I did some major pruning on these thoughts, thankfully I’m out the other side now, however I’m now suffering yet another (annoying) nose bleed, nothing major it just feels like someone has stuck a needle up my nose and a few spots of blood, probably that stroke I have been expecting making itself comfortable, the wife is on her way home she can cheer me up when she gets in, I do believe I have missed her cheeky little face, oh and I renewed the battery in my bedside clock, what an exciting life I lead. (Album of the day Fish - A feast of consequences).

17^th. A single solitary Magpie watched me walk to the bus station this morning it set the tone of the day, nothing hitting top gear every time, a day of drudgery, A day of perpetual gloom, thankfully as the work day ended the mood lifted, a sensible journey home on the plague carrier, crossing the road to get home I was nearly knocked down as I was startled as a single solitary Magpie flew past my line of sight, surely not the same one, I’m starting to hate these birds. A singular solitary night in the back room trying to shake the connection of the rotten day. (Album of the day – Thin Lizzy Jailbreak).

18^th. Duty manager shift, I hate this as I usually have to spend the shift dealing with the stupid people, a pleasant journey into work which was soon spoilt as I lost control for something taken from my desk, people scattered out of my way as word got around that I was having a hissy fit, the item was returned with an apology and the day thankfully meandered through the rest of the shift, thankfully with no further incidents, although the bus journey had its moments with a drunk who kept sliding onto the floor I thought his mates were going to tie him to the chair funny little thing but it made me chortle (just a little bit) (Album of the day – Loverboy Get Lucky).

19^th. Thankfully I awoke in a good mood and the day stayed in a similar vein for the rest of the day, more heads down arses up, the wife had a hospital appointment on the night time and thankfully she had seen sense and came back and picked me up so I could go with her and at least give her a little bit of moral support, she had been concerned about the traffic, thankfully there was nothing to be concerned about, we got there in plenty of time, however a patient before us had a bit of a funny turn so we were held back a bit, nothing to serious, appointment complete we headed for the hills of Gimpsville, the weekend was looming it couldn’t come quick enough, or at least that’s what I thought! (Album of the day – Kansas Power).

20^th. I was determined that today was going to be a great day, it was the Hurricanes birthday, so I rushed to work so that I could rush home, I just had to get through the day, a conference call first thing didn’t make me very happy I prefer to be up close and personal so I can deliver any blows so that the victim can see it coming. The day was better than expected until I headed for home,  the return journey so far this week on the plague carrier had been relatively painless, not so tonight it was quite so I had to squeeze past a little shit who was making it awkward for me to get into the seat, then we had a bit more of elbows at high noon, no words exchanged just a wiry teenager trying  to be “the man” drinking his can of Monster, thankfully the bus passengers thinned and I moved to allow two girls to get out for their stop, I then listened to my trusty MP3 player for the remainder of the Journey, he got of the stop before me with his two mates, damn I hadn’t seen them, oops that could have got a little nasty, thankfully they were more interested in getting to the American embassy for their evening rations. I arrived home to the hurricanes birthday bash in full swing, it really was a joyous occasion, more of this please as it feeds the soul. (Album of the day – A sound of thunder – who do we think we are).

21^st. early to arise as the wife had to return to the hospital for her results, another trip to Newcastle and then a return trip home before the wife had to head back out to go to work, I then spent the rest of the day reading documents for work, I hadn’t intended to, but the week ahead is quite busy and I wanted to be prepared ( I actually wanted to be retired but I still have a few years to go on that one) for the coming week, some ducking and diving and one major blow up planned for next Thursday so I really do need to be prepared, and as a consequence because of the studying I forgot to put any music on in the afternoon damn I’m getting way too old for this shit!

22^nd. Sunday with not a lot to do but await the Hurricanes as I have him this afternoon as he is staying tonight so his mum can go and celebrate her birthday, a great day ensured as always and the wife can never work out how I get him so tired basically I get him to run everywhere (not a problem as he is six and all he wants to do is run) and by the time the wife comes in from he is wrecked, some homework a quick bath and he is in bed, he’s a great pleasure to have in the house, a quiet night in and then a little bit more reading, and then to start all over again, no lottery win so back on the hamster wheel. (Album of the day - Uriah Heep Abominog).

23^rd. Off to work and generally my head kept down, my stomach was playing up so not bait for me today I hate it when my guts are like this, issues at work that are so miniscule I have no idea why I’m mentioning them here but they road blocked me every step of the way, but I soldered on and finally got home to a quiet night at home, finally as I headed off up the wooden hill, I decided to take my brand new anti-snore pillow(yeah right) it had only been in the house a little over a week, of course I didn’t use it right and I vaguely remember getting abused through the night (why I’m not awake FFS!) no music today.

24^th. I awoke with a sense of foreboding as if for some reason this was potentially a day of doom in the making! The day was actually just like any other day, it was just me and my own sense of self-importance that generally got me down, the only bright spot was Thunderbird one popped in and was full of his usual charm it’s great to see friends. The day ended as it started but at least I knew it was just me and nothing was wrong in the world, and it would appear that I used the new pillow properly this as I have no recollection of being abused through the night. again, no music as such today!

25^th A day of travelling for work, I attended work and did small bites of stuff as when I’m not there nobody does my tasks, so I have to get as much as possible done, the trip was good the craic was soul lifting, my mood did very little to be lifted although outwardly I was a jovial bean to all and sundry, I was pleasantly surprised at how many people were happy to see me and wanted to pick my brains for work, we had a team building exercise that was actually hard work, well maybe it would have been if I hadn’t been part of the support team on the initial problem (didn’t do a lot except remember the details)  a nice meal and an open bar but it was me who headed to bed first at around 21,50 after my 2 glasses of lime and soda! No fun sitting moping in a room full of people having fun when you are in a stick in the mud kind of mood, I got ready for bed, then spoke to the wife, nice to hear her voice but that didn’t stop me eating all the goodies in the room after I hung up, I then lay in a dark room waiting for sleep to come! (Album of the day The eagles The Long Run.).

26^th. Early before everybody else and I was the first person through the door for breakfast, I filled my face knowing that today was going to be a long day, heading back upstairs before everybody else came down I wasn’t in the mood for conversation at that time of the day, a long soak in the bath didn’t help my mood, but work did I improved as the day went on as it was things that I felt a real connection with, it was a great day, we headed for home and it was a long journey  to a cold north east, I waited until the wife had finished and came home with her, an offer of Chinese food was not refused, I was full as a bug as I headed to bed and just a little punch drunk. No music today.

27^th. Up for work but to be honest my heart wasn’t in it, an exploding can of pop in my bag didn’t get the day off to a great start, the day was just another day, I had to do some fancy footwork to try and get someone to cover my Saturday shift as I needed to take the wife for an appointment to hospital, I indeed did have to sell my soul!  I was back before the wife who upon coming home decided to do a somersault in the back lane, nothing broken but a lot of aches and pains from jolting everything else! I wasn’t happy as I had told her to wait for me to come and collect her, it will be more painful in the coming days! No music again for most of the day!

28^th. Up early for the hospital appointment and the wife was indeed in a lot more pain but nowhere near as she could have been, we were not in the hospital as long as we thought we might be and a promising start to her treatment, the rest of the day was making sure that she was comfortable and me attempting to get this into semblance of sense for you the discerning reader!

29^th. Today was meant to be the day I published but I got easily distracted (oooh look a butterfly) I did some chores, looked at lots of vinyl got distracted again, joined Tumblr and made a lovely tea for the wife coming in (I do have my uses allegedly) from work, a laptop that is spitting its dummy out because of all the hard work I have made it do, and now  to publish, I was going to do this as a new book, however I feel as though it’s not fit for purpose (and no I haven’t given up on the idea of a new book) so I will continue with the idea however it will be in blog format, so that you have it lets see how this one does, what can I say but watch the skies for incoming until the next time………………………….Toodles!

The Saltwater Imposters

I had a cunning plan to buy myself a new laptop (I couldn’t afford one I was just being petulant because I wanted one not a good sign really) but god in his infinite wisdom decreed that I had a little bit of a lie in the next morning so I took it as a sign that god thought I didn’t really need one! I still had to hit the streets because we needed some bread and I said I would do my good deed of the day but I wish I hadn’t the shops are actually only shut for twenty four hours boys and girls and I have never seen so many aggravated people in my life getting annoyed over parking, standing in line and fighting over the last box of French fancies I was out of the house maybe twenty minutes but I didn’t see much season of good will.

We actually hadn’t had any cunning plans for new year we were just going to play it by ear there is no point us organising anything we live too far away and besides I wouldn’t want to bring friends to Gimpsville good god I want to keep them, it had been the wife’s birthday the day before and she always whinges for six months in the run up to it that she doesn’t want to go out but when it comes to the day (oooh just about noon) she starts going “ I wonder if anybody is interested in going out” well that was defused (thankfully) by E saying “come to ours and we can head off to the Woody and see peeps” so we organised a dog sitter (off to the Kraken’s) we sorted the house and generally just pottered I had started making notes for a blog (One last train heading straight out of Gimpsville) which by the time I published it I knew my heart wasn’t in it because I wanted to finish the book (and if your reading this then hey you have the new book) but notes were required because I know now that I will forget many of the really good details that sometimes make these little ditties humorous.

The bath was run and I soaked forty minutes away (aaah) got hot to trot and just as the wife had set out to head to the Kraken she had received a message that the computer was fixed (another sign for no new lap top) so headed out to get it and tried to do a second good deed of the day and set the bloody thing up (erm no not a good idea) so I did a bad thing nothing that the technical services department of the house couldn’t resolve (that’s the wife if you didn’t already know) I decided seeing as how I was going to be with the wife I would send all my new year texts late afternoon so that people would get them in time and I wouldn’t be too drunk to be annoying (me with my reputation hahahaha I think not) so texts dutifully sent I ended up with one or two back including one from somebody more technologically retarded than myself (calling thunderbird one) so I knew that it was his wife (and I was correct) that had sent it and after a quick phone call to confirm that and new year greetings said the devils device was switched off. We actually had loads of spare time so we set off and headed out of Gimpsville (Consett boys and girls do try and keep up) and traffic was quite light it wasn’t until we got into South Shields that we encountered any difficulties and the wife never lost her cool once (I know I couldn’t believe it either) we swung around the corner on two wheel and the millennium falcon was  directed to a landing spot by a foolhardy member of the ground crew (get out of the way get the hell out of the way) but when we arrived at passport control we were greeted by a terrible sight G was actually drinking (you need to sit down for this one) POP it was unbelievable we nearly turned and left at the point (well ok maybe’s not) but G with pop in his hand I never thought I would see the day.

As I had said there were no plans made but we were going to go with the flow of the great river and see where it would take us and as we had finished our drinks (well it would have been rude not too) we were heading to Kev and Amanda’s who were having a small get together and because E and G were invited on the afternoon we tagged along (as requested)  for a quick drink before pushing back into the flow of the river, Their party was in full swing mode by the time we got there and after saying our hello’s (and indeed serenading G bucket on the doorstep) we had (large) drinks thrust into our hands and the game was indeed afoot, we mingled we drank and then we mingled some more it was at this point that I discovered that the Arga In the kitchen was actually a drinks cabinet (who would have known) and around this time we were all offered at first some Banana rum which was a delightful little number and I shall be scouring the local drink aisles for some (woo hoo) I did decline the Honey rum because I didn’t like the smell and to be honest I was wobbling already as the hosts are indeed fabulous hosts and don’t leave you with an empty glass to be had, there was great music playing in the background (Little Feat who although I don’t a lot about them whenever I hear them I always enjoy them, a bit of Black Sabbath and we finished off with some Sensational Alex Harvey Band  )  there were one or two faces who although I had met before I had never talked to them before but as the night was going really well, everybody talked to everybody and there was some bloody good craic!

The wife’s boots disintegrated and Amanda came to the rescue and because shoes where the order of the day G soon found a young ladies pair and yes you guessed it he was soon parading around the room like a trollop (and he wondered the next morning as to why his feet where bloody sore) the night went so well that even G had to take a break and disappeared into the back yard for some fresh air (well three quarters of a bottle of jack does that to you did I tell you how good our hosts where) we by this time were out of the main stream of the river and were gently going down a little side stream that was just so good you just had to go with the flow. We headed to the local pub ( I believe it was The Lookout but I’m sure I will be corrected at some point) and even more frivolity was had, SMOR was there now whether this had been planned or not I’m not sure because by this time I was incredibly drunk not falling down slur your words type of drunk but drunk nevertheless SMOR was there with a lady friend who we hadn’t met before (was that really the best time to introduce us with our reputation oops!) but we did indeed try to be on our (hahaha) best behaviour I do remember chatting (don’t ask me what about I have no idea but I haven’t been told off yet so that’s a good thing) at this point I did indeed miss quite a few things namely the wife and a new young friend who got up for the karaoke (I didn’t even know there was a karaoke in the bloody pub hahaha how much had I had to drink) we had a little bit extra to drink there was a small scuffle at the bar (allegedly) a small flood on the pool table which because I was in my own little (drunken) universe I missed oh dear how sad at some point we lost SMOR and the lovely Jan and we followed the river that flowed out of the bar and into Tourette’s Jeff’s house which even in my drunken state (and the fact that it was indeed dark) I could admire it was lovely, the place was segregated to smokers and none smokers and the conversation flowed along with all the bloody alcohol I was starting to get on an even keel but I could see the wife starting to slowly sink under the weight of alcohol (not lots but she doesn’t really do alcohol that often so it soon catches up with her) an empty stomach and her head was starting to blitz her (migraine alert) we saw the new year in had some fun with a back to front toilet door handle but slowly but surely we knew the river was picking up a current that we needed to take, we always hate this point because we always seem as if we are the party poopers and have to drag everybody away, but the wind carried us out in the mid-stream and we said our goodbyes and as we were leaving more people turned so we did our best soft cell impersonation and we said hello and waved goodbye and I soon got my bearings and headed towards the nearest star on the chart, and after a short walk we were at our home port now I remember the walk back but I have no recollection and I was dragged by a magnetic current upstairs to that lovely comfy bed (yawn zzz!) the wife followed and although I slept as always the sleep of the dead the wife did indeed suffer a poor night (shows you how much help I can be) and our lovely host (allegedly) stayed up to make a sandwich (no idea drunk as a skunk and fast asleep hahaha) G was abused in the bedroom department (no not by E but by Cookie who was just making a point I believe) and there was the end of our New Years Eve!

I awoke refreshed as always but was the last person down the stairs G was in a cravat and dressing gown  I kid you not and we also got a demonstration of his James Bond style walking stick although I don’t think the manufacturers realised that it could indeed be used as a killing implement but E was sure going to have a bloody good go, the tide had turned and the river was indeed heading back up the hill and because we had babysitting duties once again thrust upon us (Grrr!) so we climbed aboard and waved goodbye not the evening that had been intended but a fantastic night as always.

We arrived home to a house full and although I was sensible and prepared the dinner in advance it was uninspired and I think the wife and I were indeed missing everybody from the previous evening, we ducked we dived we put the grandson to bed and realised that we indeed had started a new chapter in our lives as a new year had indeed started.

We do indeed have many cunning plans and (not so) strange ideas which hopefully will come to fruition but all we can do is really go with the flow land on the shores the river takes us to with our new friends and some saltwater imposters along the way the deed is done and hopefully we can reach our destination without too much hardship or pain.

I hope that you all enjoy reading the Blogs as much as I have enjoyed writing them and hopefully this will be the right step in the right direction, until the next time and maybe another step down memory lane……Toodles!

Fashion tips for an older Gentleman

One thing that you could never mistake me for is somebody who is comfortable in expensive clothes, you could put me in an expensive designer suit and I would still look like a bag of shite tied in the middle, it’s really not me!

When I was a kid it was always once I got out of school straight into jeans and t-shirt for a short time I was fashionable with Santos jeans (maybe it was just a Gimpsville thing) but I soon migrated to skinny jeans and I wasn’t bothered at how beat up they were, the worse the better as far as I was concerned. And for a while all I would wear on my feet were Dunlop Green Flash!

After the Army I lived in my combat jacket and was soon back into jeans and T-shirt and stayed like that until about 1985 when my first wife tried to help, me all she did was turn me into a clothes horse which I hated, it was so funny the day I moved out it was a van for my record and CD collection but the clothes I took (yes you guessed it combat jacket and jeans and t-shirts) sat on my lap in a hold all, I left all the other shite where it was wanted.

At this point I branched out into shirts and Jeans see I was starting to mature, and yes at this point I bought myself a suit for official occasions (I wore it three times) but that was it I had bags stashed in people’s houses all over the country that usually had a clean pair of Jeans a plain or sometimes a tour t-shirt with clean underwear in case I turned up unannounced, be prepared was my motto. It was funny I got some stuff back (dropped off at my mother’s) and the Jeans were a 28 inch waist (hahahaha) and the t-shirt was a small oh dear!

The wife bless her has tried valiantly to try and help me (with only moderate success) I don’t look good in clothes (trust me I look worse out of them) I feel guilty if I spend money on clothes I’m the wrong shape (Round is a shape) for a lot of things out in the fashion world, I can appreciate good clothes, and most of my friends look fab with a good eye, and their own style, me most of my clothes come from Asda and I’m at peace with that, maybe if I got back to being the buff thing that I was then maybe’s but I couldn’t/wouldn’t  justify spending a lot of money on clothes that I probably would look comfortable in!

Is this a complaint nope, hell no! do you guys not know me I’m a go with the flow kind of guy, with my own kind of inner compass (Ok the wife always tells me if I look like a prat) I don’t knowingly go out dressed without actually running absolutely every single part of what I’m wearing past her, I really do not have a clue. It’s funny how my brother does, mind you I have never dressed fashionably in my life so no faux pauxs that have  the potential to come back and bit me in the ass, I have always dressed shite so at least I’m consistent.

Any issues with what is contained within in any of my blogs past and present, please refer to the Fashion police’s handbook page one “this man is not to be trusted please dress him” that’s all it says on all the pages but by god it’s certainly true!  

Broken Home

I’m from a broken home there I’ve said it got it out in the open and yes we had hard times because of it, my parents divorced at a time when it was nearly impossible to get a judge to agree to see a case like this! It wasn’t like it is today go sign a piece of paper and crack on, my family was the first family that I’m aware of going through this and I was certainly the first in my school and boy did I get some stick! did I buckle and go under? No if anything I think it made me the person I am today (is that a good thing probably not) I didn’t understand it at the time I didn’t really question it, it was something that happened I never expressed any anger over it until many years later after an unexpected letter.

I’m not against divorce it’s a sensible thing and should be done with the minimum amount of fuss for all concerned hell I’ve been divorced once myself (more of which later) what I am against is all the shit that both sides try and throw at each other, the blame that is usually present in modern day divorces there is always problems on both sides usually more on one than the other but nobody is totally perfect, there was probably loads more thrown in my own parents divorce than either I or my brother know, our family was/is very good at keeping secrets, I’m not hells bells I keep writing these books so all’s fair in love and war.

I remember the first place we lived was a first floor flat with three bedrooms quite large I loved it there although I never liked the stairs at either end of the flat ( I visited it many years later and laughed out loud at how steep they aren’t hahahaha) I remember we moved really quickly or I thought we did, my mother confirmed many years later that we had indeed moved quickly, done and dusted within 6 days we moved to a council house in Delves Lane with a huge garden my brother and I loved it, my dad enjoyed the garden although to be honest about the only time I remember seeing him at that house was in the garden I don’t really remember him anywhere else but 38 years down the line my memory is decidedly fuzzy, did I love my dad of course I did he was my dad, did he love me and my brother that I’m not so sure of, my father was a deep person one of the traits I think I have inherited from him (hopefully the only one)we had been at the house for about eighteen months when things became strained people turning up at the door that kind of thing and hushed conversations not for the ears of the boys, if I was in the bath my brother would be pushed into the bathroom to look after obviously so I wouldn't drown in a bath only four inches deep!me my brother being 3 years older than me knew something was adrift but he certainly didn’t confide in me hell I was 7 years old what would I have said.

Then there was the time when my dad slept in my brothers room and me and my brother slept in my mum’s room this happened for a few weeks and we both realised that all was not well and things were so strained that voices were no longer hushed and then all of a sudden my dad was no longer there he was gone, my mum sat us down and tried to explain the best she could, I was again oblivious I wasn’t really aware I probably thought it was a temporary thing, in those days a day was a lifetime its only as I get older that a day shrinks as you get older, I believe my brother was devastated and the sense of betrayal stung my brother for many years, he was older and much closer to my dad, but this wasn’t the end of it, after he had gone there were many strange happenings in the house things moved, items went missing and to be honest my mum thought she was losing what was left of her mind, it transpired it was my dad the lunatic was sleeping out in the garden shed on a night time and then coming in when the house was in darkness, he was doing childish little things, needless to say a quick meaningful conversation with  my mum's two brothers soon put paid to that.

Worse was to come in those days you had to appear in front of a judge and he very nearly threw my mum in jail for contempt of court after she had finally had enough and just would not be silenced she lost it in the court well and truly when my dad had the audacity to say that she was an unfit mother who was mentally unhinged she very nearly played into his hands, now this is where me and divorce don’t agree it was obvious that this was indeed not the truth and the case was revolving around a man telling a pack of lies to cause as much hurt and pain that he could, the fact that my dad fighting for custody for his two sons was just unbelievably stupid he couldn’t look after us even if he wanted to (which he really didn’t) here was a man who would lie if you asked what day it was! why well because he could.

It was a very close run thing and my mum finally won (if you can call it that) purely because he couldn’t get his facts consistent but hey he still dragged it out for 3 days and in those days legal aid meant you paid no matter what you had, and it took my mother 6 years to pay for her divorce but she never missed a payment, my mum was awarded custody and my father had to pay £3 a week for both of us (he only ever payed once and my mum never cashed it we found it the day after she died) and he was allowed to see us every other week on a Saturday this was indeed was when the fun would begin!

He would pick us up from the top of the street and we would climb aboard a bus and head to Newcastle to wander the streets or if the weather was bad he would take us to the Odeon in Newcastle to see triple bills of films that me and my brother never really understood he barely interacted with us, and spent as little on us as possible then back on the bus to be left to run down the street back home, we probably went about 8 times then in the October he had to go and work away (in London so he claimed ) and the next time we would see him was on the Christmas eve, an occasion that made me hate Christmas eve to this day and something I will (possibly) visit in a later Blog, this was the last time we ever saw him he sent a few scribbled letters and he was soon dispatched to the rear of my mind because times got harder and I had other things to worry about.

By this time people at school were aware of the situation (my brother and I have never discussed this god knows what he went through, I was about to descend into hell) and although my teachers were fabulous my brother and I just got on with it heads down and tried to do our best, but kids being kids there were some mean nasty things said, all of which I would never repeat here and yes they are still with me in my heart because I hold a grudge for life not just for Christmas, I would have the last laugh though, because within two years there would be an epidemic of divorce and I was a hardened survivor of the trials and tribulations and the people who had been horrible to me got it back in spades, I showed no mercy and left many of my peers in total disarray something I am not proud of all these years later, but it is something I would do again in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose again, why? These people put me through hell simply because they could and seeing them cry (and they did indeed break their hearts) made me feel stronger than them, I had come through that particular battle scarred but not beaten. Times moved on and indeed a lot of these blogs will cover the later years some of which I’m incredibly proud of and some of which I’m not, Did this make me a stronger person it did indeed but I also paid a heavy price I feel that I’m quite emotionally closed off, my friends that I have are very touchy feely (in a great way) and I don’t know how to respond if you were to ask me how many times I hugged my mother (and I did indeed love her) I can tell you without missing a beat 5 times Twice at both my weddings  once after the birth of my daughter the day I came home from the army and the day she died I kissed her only twice the day I married Shirley and the day she died. When I met Shirley and her daughter I made a promise to do better and it’s a sad fact that I wish I could have done better for my mother she knew I loved her  and I knew she loved me but we kept each other at arm’s length  for the rest of our lives.

I got divorced before I was 22 we should never have got married, but I love a challenge and it was the best thing I could to wind up my bride's step father! but there has always been something about somebody telling me that I can’t do something, I learnt the hard way and although I was the wronged party I walked away with nothing, simply because I wanted to be free, do I hate her for what happened no I was only disappointed she lied and didn't keep her word to tell me if she was unhappy!and I couldn’t live with someone who wasn’t being truthful I didn’t hate her although at the time I didn’t like what she had done to me, but the lesson was learnt and it cost me a fortune, but I was happy! simple honesty would have saved us both a lot of heartache and to be honest the relationship had run its course if we had conversed we could have saved what little heartache we went through, we have spoken briefly a number of times since and there is no regret or remorse on either of our sides (I hope) again I hope to cover the topic in another chapter because there was some incredibly silly moments in our time together and some serious threats of violence from her step father towards me unfortunately for him I was a dumbass, he didn’t scare me (he should of) as much as he thought he could!

The wife also went through a painful divorce (I would like her to write her own story one day) with mudslinging and far be it for me to say that both sides were right or wrong. I feel that the case dragged on simply for the need to strike out at each other and not to let anybody else get the last shot in, I don’t disagree with what the wife did she simply stood her ground in the same way my mother did ! she did what any mother would have done but sometimes I feel a different tack might have shortened the ever dragging case, again her former partner disappeared into the background for whatever reason and we got on with our lives.

As I said at the beginning of this particular blog I’m from a broken home, but I have never played on it, I came from a loving family I had a mother who did everything she could for her two sons (to the detriment of her own life) I occasionally see the scum that pollute The Jeremy Kyle Show who usually open with I’m from a broken home, I’m from a family affected by divorce well boys and girls your talking bollocks your all scum who want the world to give you everything while you sponge of all the hard working people who got on with their lives (oops sorry I ventured off into the land of ranting) what I was trying to say was that here I am further on down the road and I like to think that apart from one or two  little foibles I’m doing alright I haven’t turned into a raving lunatic (well I suppose that depends on who you ask) I only turn into Basil Fawlty on nights that there’s a full moon and a wind blowing from the west! 

This blog is a reworking of a chapter from piffle balderdash and waffle with only a slight reworking I decided to post it here I still stand by every word, I'm from a broken home but it didn't stop me, until the next time ......Toodles!         

Guided by stars

The world as always keeps spinning and here we are in 2017 (how fast does life go?) and so I have to make a mission statement for the coming year! Don’t worry short and sweet is the name of the game (allegedly).

There’s no going back in life and I have thought a lot about this, believe there is one or two things in life I would love to go back and give myself a slap, not to change anything hell you play the cards you are dealt with live with them, mainly physical things for me, train better, avoid injury, and when injured not to play on regardless, basically act like an adult from an earlier age (LOL) I should have asked for help a damn sight sooner than I did (me with my reputation) deflection is something to be avoided at all costs stand up and fight for your life, you only get one I know I have fucked my simply because of my own stubbornness!

So here I so my statement of intent, my mission statement I intend to be a better person in the coming months, I didn’t say I would always succeed, but hell I sure as hell intend to make my lot a better one, I intend to get out and about more, now that may not always mean in a  social meaning (organs grow back slowly at my age) but I mean to get out of the house and actually feel the breeze on my pasty face! I intend to listen to more music (I’m not sure if that one is actually possible but I intend to try!) I intend to have more fun (or at least try) I definitely need more Tee Hee Club in my life I do so miss the Shields Massive so much so many good people a direct line to life!

Generally, I intend to try and stay as positive as I can, again the word being used is try, I know I’m not perfect onwards and upwards, there are many people in my life who are inspiring me at the moment, they sure as hell don’t know it but they are and I will take anything that I can to drag my weary bones up the hill! Fuck anybody who gets in the way or tries to leech all the good stuff from our lives our lives are going faster all the time, I’m so glad I realised before it was too late. I am suspending the name game for the time being, there are only a few of you playing it at the moment (barely double figures) even though the readership is consistently high triple figures, the blog has been growing on a year to year basis with in excess of 23000 hits in the last year, I want everybody to feel inclusive and not to feel left out and to be honest I am sick of having to explain the bloody name game, new plots and cunning schemes for the new year and I might try one more book (watch this space it potentially will be called 12 months) so that’s it for the first one hopefully full of positives, more to come boys and girls keep spreading the disease and watch the skies for incoming, until then for now……….Toodles!