Monday 19 June 2023

Castleside.


This is a kind of historical blog, not really the kind of historical musical one that some of you crave it does start with a musical start but it doesn’t stay, bear with me, here goes. About 40ish years ago I sang for a friends band in Durham, nothing serious just for fun we would take songs we liked and, to be honest we bastardised them, think of a song with a destination in its title we would just make it fit to our locale, little changes we were usually pissed and we all picked a song each, I wasn’t there often so I only got one song, and I chose Abilene a B side by Yes, me obscure hell yeah!

 Something's goin' on, I don't know what it is

But my phone just rang and I didn't get no call

No call, just waiting here

Castleside, it's got a lot of what you don't need

It's got lots of space, still nothing seems misplaced

You've got a face, you are spacey….

Now nothing major simply, the location, but hey I was a teenager and a Yes fan! We had fun and drink was usually in play.

What has brought this to my mind, well and this is why its not really a historical blog, The Kraken is coming to the end of her life and the wife has been by her side every step of the way, I have stayed away so that her mum has had some dignity, I have been there when called upon, but now we are getting to the business end of life and the wife needs some moral support so I have been heading over after work to give a couple of hours support, the kids have been in attendance and its going slowly, the end is in sight but when exactly only the Kraken has the answer and she’s not telling, we have had some testing times over the years, but there has been mutual respect and a cease fire for a longtime I think she realised I love her daughter and I wasn’t a waster, and though I didn’t always  agree with the support she offered but it was always done with the family’s best interest at heart!

What has this got to do with the title, well its where the Kraken lives, and it’s a big part of my young life, I went to school close to it, I dated girls (yes real girls) in the summer I hung around the countryside, I had a lot of friends in the area, I liked the place, I still do, I wish I could afford to live there, I can’t so I will go with my memories, sometimes I get the bus home, the bus route has so many happy memories, friends houses, seeing older people who I didn’t know personally but I “knew” them and its been good to see them, especially when I realise they are probably only 6 or 7 years older than me WTF!

My old school doesn’t exist anymore, it’s been demolished and I had many happy memories, there friends, lessons (yes, I enjoyed school I wasn’t very good, but I enjoyed it) music the list goes on. The bus journey continues into The Grove where my second family lived, as did I as often as I could, and yes, I could write a book on some of the things we got up to, it would be explosive, quite literally! Pass the Club, along to Mutton Clog and back and through the old steel works site yes it glows in my mind, but they were good times with great people, obviously I really must have been a dick because I have so little contact with people I went to school with, sad but true, maybe that’s a blog for down the road, I’m soon brought back to Earth/Gimpsville town centre is full of little cherubs who basically act like scum, a big stick would be so much fun, I despair for the youth of today, I understand that times are hard, they were when we were the same age, but we were simply not as feral as these little brats.

So, over the coming days I shall enjoy my time on the bus being homeward bound, remembering a time when things where so much simpler and better times, to continue to support the woman of my life who has supported me every step of the way, in the time I have been with her. She will need all the help the family can give the hard times start afterwards, when we try and reintegrate back into a life in the big world, after Co Vid and the Kraken’s illness, and reintroduce ourselves to those people we call friends!

So, there you go, slightly historical, I intend to spend some time with some Yes (even now I can’t help myself LOL) not the blog I promised, but although I polished two, I prefer this one over both, that’s not to say that won’t appear soon! So, stay safe stay alive, keep spreading the word someone has done a good job as there over 300 views just yesterday, until the next time be nice it costs nothing……………Toodles!

Something's goin' on, I don't know what it is

But my phone just rang and I didn't get no call

No call, just waiting here

Castleside, it's got a lot of what you don't need

It's got lots of space, still nothing seems misplaced

You've got a face, you are spacey…

Friday 9 June 2023

Might as well smile.


Yes the name game is in play and no this isn’t a blog about “Bob” I thought I had better make you all aware, as this is a little weird, simply as I didn’t know how to word this one!

As per my health has been weird and to be honest its pissing me off, I am literally trying just about everything I can, to do the right thing (and I know I’m not perfect but I do try) life just seems to be about chaos at the moment, the world keeps turning and it kicks me on the way round, I was at my diabetes clinic appointment earlier this week and I always bounce through the door, putting my best foot forward, a big false grin on my face, this time I didn’t and I think they were shocked, “what’s up”? They asked, and I was honest, told them I’m sick of feeling crap, sick of them simply putting up my medication in the vain hope that it will make me better (guess what it doesn’t) and sick of generally trying to make them happy, its about me not you, like I said they were shocked and not happy but guess what I haven’t been happy with anything you lot have done for me in the 9 years, all nice people but I have done everything that you have asked me to do, to no avail, I’m not a happy camper.

What’s not helping me is my knees and now my hips have joined in to help, by the end of any day I am in agony, I am tempted to turn to drink (I haven’t, but I am tempted) it all rolls itself up in a ball and runs over me, I don’t think the fact that I have been alone in the house since January has helped, but with only small forays from the wife to make sure I haven’t turned our home into a pigsty, small islands of happiness and joy i will take them whenever i get the chance, she is shouldering the burden of looking after her mother as she enters the end of life, I have great admiration for the sterling job she is doing in giving someone at the end of their life dignity and peace, its not good but I am with her every step of the way in the final part of this journey, I know I have a had plenty of differences of opinion with the Kraken on a number of things, but I honestly wouldn’t wish what she is going through on any person!

It would appear I don’t do as well as I thought I would on my own, my get up and go has got up and fucked off, I sit in the dark not wanting to put any lights as I wander through the house like a water buffalo attempting not to graze on all food groups, again I’m trying, I’m not always successful but I do try, it appears to that I have discovered TV  and I veg out in the dark some times festering sometimes not. I am trying to be invested in the house but its hard, I’m not looking for any sympathy, I’m a big boy, I just need to refind the spark, something that will kick me in the seat of the pants in a positive kind of way, I don’t want anybody turning up at my front door offering to do the kicking!

The last blog did well and the others are pottering away, but I need to find the spark that I had at the beginning of the year where I was firing on all six cylinders, I am writing but its dull and uninspired at times the initial ideas I like it’s the execution of that idea that fails in my standards. The next blog will be a four on the floor blog and it will be sooner rather than later (allegedly) honest I just have to pick one of the ones I have done and give it a light polish! I’m missing the wife her mischievous ways, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it comes with a large supply of heartbreak.

So there you go I am trying to be positive, its hard and I’m not helping myself, but “Bob” isn’t anywhere in view so that’s a positive as far as I am concerned, so onwards we go, normal service will resume as soon as I can be normal (yes I know you all think that that is a pretty tall order) so thank you for the kind comments, they are not needed but are appreciated. Watch the skies as the next one will be a tad quicker than this one was, stay safe stay alive and until the next time …………………………Toodles!