Yes the name
game is in play and no this isn’t a blog about “Bob” I thought I had better
make you all aware, as this is a little weird, simply as I didn’t know how to
word this one!
As per my
health has been weird and to be honest its pissing me off, I am literally trying
just about everything I can, to do the right thing (and I know I’m not perfect
but I do try) life just seems to be about chaos at the moment, the world keeps
turning and it kicks me on the way round, I was at my diabetes clinic
appointment earlier this week and I always bounce through the door, putting my
best foot forward, a big false grin on my face, this time I didn’t and I think
they were shocked, “what’s up”? They asked, and I was honest, told them I’m
sick of feeling crap, sick of them simply putting up my medication in the vain
hope that it will make me better (guess what it doesn’t) and sick of generally
trying to make them happy, its about me not you, like I said they were shocked
and not happy but guess what I haven’t been happy with anything you lot have
done for me in the 9 years, all nice people but I have done everything that you
have asked me to do, to no avail, I’m not a happy camper.
What’s not
helping me is my knees and now my hips have joined in to help, by the end of any
day I am in agony, I am tempted to turn to drink (I haven’t, but I am tempted)
it all rolls itself up in a ball and runs over me, I don’t think the fact that I
have been alone in the house since January has helped, but with only small forays from the
wife to make sure I haven’t turned our home into a pigsty, small islands of
happiness and joy i will take them whenever i get the chance, she is shouldering the burden of looking after her mother as
she enters the end of life, I have great admiration for the sterling job she is
doing in giving someone at the end of their life dignity and peace, its not
good but I am with her every step of the way in the final part of this journey,
I know I have a had plenty of differences of opinion with the Kraken on a number of things, but I
honestly wouldn’t wish what she is going through on any person!
It would appear
I don’t do as well as I thought I would on my own, my get up and go has got up
and fucked off, I sit in the dark not wanting to put any lights as I wander
through the house like a water buffalo attempting not to graze on all food
groups, again I’m trying, I’m not always successful but I do try, it appears to
that I have discovered TV and I veg out
in the dark some times festering sometimes not. I am trying to be invested in
the house but its hard, I’m not looking for any sympathy, I’m a big boy, I just
need to refind the spark, something that will kick me in the seat of the pants
in a positive kind of way, I don’t want anybody turning up at my front door
offering to do the kicking!
The last
blog did well and the others are pottering away, but I need to find the spark that I had at
the beginning of the year where I was firing on all six cylinders, I am writing
but its dull and uninspired at times the initial ideas I like it’s the execution
of that idea that fails in my standards. The next blog will be a four on the floor
blog and it will be sooner rather than later (allegedly) honest I just have to
pick one of the ones I have done and give it a light polish! I’m missing the
wife her mischievous ways, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it
comes with a large supply of heartbreak.
So there you
go I am trying to be positive, its hard and I’m not helping myself, but “Bob” isn’t
anywhere in view so that’s a positive as far as I am concerned, so onwards we
go, normal service will resume as soon as I can be normal (yes I know you all
think that that is a pretty tall order) so thank you for the kind comments,
they are not needed but are appreciated. Watch the skies as the next one will
be a tad quicker than this one was, stay safe stay alive and until the next
time …………………………Toodles!
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