OK so we all know that today is my birthday and that I had to go and sit with the dead and the dying (my annual visit to the doctors) and as always I look so forward to it, full of really old people who were old when I was a kid. Staff who don't give a shit (I hear where you are coming from guys and dolls but at least try and fake it and not come across like a bunch of Nazi's) and a bunch of junkie's I would gladly take outside and shoot (damn I sound like the staff) and as always the place runs like a well oiled .....OK lets not go there I have a tendency to day dream while I'm there, today was no different and these are the things that I realised while waiting for the nice Doctor to see me:
Dead is the new unambiguous!
Hairy is the new Face!
The Buckets are probably the most consistent band I have ever seen play live!
Bi-Polar is the new undecided!
Dread is the new fear!
Finding the right time for you is the new impotence!
Smoking is the new outdoor style of living!
Being a football fan is the new birth control! ........well have you seen the price of a season ticket!
Vegan-ism is the new "tastes like chicken"!
Heavily armed is the born again!
Methadone is the new crowd control! .....The walking dead is a reality come to Gimpsville you will see!
Singing is the new Hubris!
Driving is the new walking!
The smiley sign emoticon is the new "yours sincerely"!
Misinformed is the new Patriotic!
Talking is the new singing!
Bald is the new head.....oh and the new crotch if you check out Chris Harrison's photo's!
Gay marriage is the new "be careful what you wish for"!
Working is for the simple few!
Texting is the new talking!
Sheepishly claiming you have an STD is the new flirting! (hahahaha you kids know feck all if that's flirting count me out).
And finally because i really want this one to catch on 48 is the new 30.....no ah well it was worth a try!
And then I got called into the Quacks, I was seen to and I said same time as next year, headed home to see if I had been successful in hiding my birthday on Farcebook (nope) to be greeted by Junior who had made a card (what a genius he's not even two yet! not really sure why the wife was covered in ink though) and I as I type this checking on numbers for the last couple of blogs, they have both been in excess of 50 + for each blog stunned is not the word ...well it is as the wife found her cattle prod and boy does it sting, she has been reading the blogs she just wanted to lull me into a false sense of security, but it's all good now to head down the rabbit hole and get on and finish book number seven. Cunning stunts and events are planned watch this space and the skies for the next thrilling adventure of walks with broken hoop, until then .......Toodles!
Tuesday 27 November 2012
Monday 26 November 2012
Heart broke and busted
Imagine my shock and horror when I gleefully announced to the wife that the blog numbers were doing really well and the response I got in return was "I'm glad someone is reading it" WTF she has stopped reading it because it was getting miserable (mmmmm some of them maybe but surely not all of them) so there has been no thought police watching for god knows how long!
When and how did this happen?I thought I was doing good? but if I can't even get the wife to read what chance do I have? actually I got confused for a second there the fact that the wife no longer reads all of the blogs doesn't mean a decline in standards I suppose that means that she now actually trusts me a little more than usual (me with my reputation) to behave and be a good boy (does she not know me?) and now that the leash is off well......I'm not sure anymore, the wife was a good safety blanket for me and now my confidence has erm stalled, the doubts are flooding back in, Did I get too safe? was I indeed too miserable for far too long? nobody else seemed to mind, oh dear me what to do what to do?
Does this mean the end of the road for the blog? hell no it was never written for the wife to read, the fact that she did was an added bonus, but knowing that the thought police have been removed is like removing al the speed cameras from the motorway, I still haven't decided if it's a good idea yet. The amount of feedback I have been getting from all of you guys indicates I'm doing something right or do you just like to see the ramblings of an old man?
A bit to drink in honour of the buckets last night and by all accounts it was a fab night (boo hoo) for everybody, and a small lie in for me (I could get used to this) although the rain bleaching down would have woke the dead (at some point) I struggled to deal with life in the real world and while the wife (the treacherous cur that she is) went to pick up Junior I readied myself for the onslaught that the coming hurricane would bring! Wearing the sling is helping this old cripple but it can't be worn when the hurricane turns up. Whoever said getting old is fun deserves a bloody slap (oops got to be good I don't want to scare off anymore readers ) today looks like (surprise) baby sitting duties oh wunderbar another fun filled holiday to look forward to, on top of that I realised that I miscalculated when my bonus is in and I'm only off by four months (WTF) work moved the holidays from the financial year set up, but not the bonus! buggeration and other non provoactive swear words for the discerning reader. Not major in the grand scheme of the things but it took the shine off the apple just a tad when I realised, ah well pick yourself up and dust yourself off it's all any of us can do!
Now what started off as a slight addendum from yesterday has actually turned into a blog (how did that happen) no this isn't the one I have planned for tomorrow so it means you get a bumper crop this week (except for the wife that is ....) deep joy so watch the skies its the B word tomorrow and I have to go to the quacks so if you are on the edge of your seat and can't wait, well tough I will see you around about dinner time all donations and pressies can be donated to my two favourite charities DILLIGAF.com or FOAD.org and that's me out of here like a burglar falling down the stairs until the next one watch the skies because there is another one coming until then....Toodles.
This coca cola tastes funny with no vodka in it.......just saying like.
When and how did this happen?I thought I was doing good? but if I can't even get the wife to read what chance do I have? actually I got confused for a second there the fact that the wife no longer reads all of the blogs doesn't mean a decline in standards I suppose that means that she now actually trusts me a little more than usual (me with my reputation) to behave and be a good boy (does she not know me?) and now that the leash is off well......I'm not sure anymore, the wife was a good safety blanket for me and now my confidence has erm stalled, the doubts are flooding back in, Did I get too safe? was I indeed too miserable for far too long? nobody else seemed to mind, oh dear me what to do what to do?
Does this mean the end of the road for the blog? hell no it was never written for the wife to read, the fact that she did was an added bonus, but knowing that the thought police have been removed is like removing al the speed cameras from the motorway, I still haven't decided if it's a good idea yet. The amount of feedback I have been getting from all of you guys indicates I'm doing something right or do you just like to see the ramblings of an old man?
A bit to drink in honour of the buckets last night and by all accounts it was a fab night (boo hoo) for everybody, and a small lie in for me (I could get used to this) although the rain bleaching down would have woke the dead (at some point) I struggled to deal with life in the real world and while the wife (the treacherous cur that she is) went to pick up Junior I readied myself for the onslaught that the coming hurricane would bring! Wearing the sling is helping this old cripple but it can't be worn when the hurricane turns up. Whoever said getting old is fun deserves a bloody slap (oops got to be good I don't want to scare off anymore readers ) today looks like (surprise) baby sitting duties oh wunderbar another fun filled holiday to look forward to, on top of that I realised that I miscalculated when my bonus is in and I'm only off by four months (WTF) work moved the holidays from the financial year set up, but not the bonus! buggeration and other non provoactive swear words for the discerning reader. Not major in the grand scheme of the things but it took the shine off the apple just a tad when I realised, ah well pick yourself up and dust yourself off it's all any of us can do!
Now what started off as a slight addendum from yesterday has actually turned into a blog (how did that happen) no this isn't the one I have planned for tomorrow so it means you get a bumper crop this week (except for the wife that is ....) deep joy so watch the skies its the B word tomorrow and I have to go to the quacks so if you are on the edge of your seat and can't wait, well tough I will see you around about dinner time all donations and pressies can be donated to my two favourite charities DILLIGAF.com or FOAD.org and that's me out of here like a burglar falling down the stairs until the next one watch the skies because there is another one coming until then....Toodles.
This coca cola tastes funny with no vodka in it.......just saying like.
Sunday 25 November 2012
Underneath My Pillow
So maybe not the start to my holliberries as I expected the pay was in, but a decidedly shit day at work put me in a foul mood, which as I type is festering in the back of my mind plotting, doing what I do best so by the time I go back there should be some fun and games to be had.
Yesterday was a day of polishing and ploughing through all my ideas that I have for the next "new" book, which will be here with us sometime in the new year, checking all the stuff that I have done for the new book due before Christmas, which again I have polished and added yet another new chapter that I previously hadn't done before, which is nearly there but not quite so I know what I shall be doing tonight, also I have been in a pit of misery as I feel as though if I was an old car I would be getting put on the back of a tow truck to be dragged to the scrapyard, Not fixed up by G and Mr C, I have been through the wars with broken bones and the such like but my shoulder has well and truly done the business as I struggle to move, which is a nightmare as I'm trying to break a forty plus year habit of sleeping on my arm (ouch) underneath my pillow. it's muscular though so hopefully easily sorted (fingers crossed).
The choices for tonight's entertainment are do we stay in and have a night of doing sweet bugger all keeping the pennies for next weekend, going to see Europe in Newcastle who to be honest we have seen the last two times and we know they are a bloody good band live but what are they going to do that will be "different" the problem with bands needing to survive by touring they are like a bus "oooh look it's November Europe must be due a tour" you get the picture, or we could (and this one would get my vote purely for the mayhem quotation but the wife isn't 100% so it's a no no!) go and see Bessie and the Zinc Buckets in sunny South Shields! bedlam with just a hint of drink induced frenzy, so I will tinker about the house with just a hint of a pet lip as I endure the Boo Hoo Club and look after my sickly co conspirator who as always is in worse shape than this whinging man!
So we will endeavour to enjoy the last Grand Prix of the season and make sure that we are prepared for our Friday night to come with good friends and hopefully to our preferred drinking hole in Newcastle (no not the Robbers Den) safe in the knowledge that there will be a couple of jaunts away in the coming weeks to bring friendship and sanity back into our lives OK so sanity will be spelt with a silent "in" in front of it, but who cares the The Tee Hee Club will rise again these last six months have been absolute purgatory, but praise the lord there is a light at the end of the tunnel and thankfully it's G going on about hoops while stealing handbags and dancing in high heels!
The numbers for the last couple of blogs have indeed been through the roof! so there's a plus for me and all my negativity and a lot of peeps seem to be digging the vibe so hopefully I can try and keep grooving in the right direction, some of you are indeed spreading the disease so thank you for that, if any of you check the Blurb website the numbers have shrunk obviously because I have been quite quiet lately .But if you click the like button on there on any particular book itself,Blurb will start pushing them again, any help gratefully accepted me a media whore....of course darling!
So a week to write my socks off I already have a blog for my birthday prepared and honestly I don't think it will be too bilious, I may not like the day but I'm not that much of a sour puss as too rain on others good wishes, after that well not a lot and plenty of it and then silent running for a while to get the juices flowing and down onto the page so to speak so enjoy hanging onto the spinning pearl we call home and watch the skies there could be a few blogs soon....Toodles!
Yesterday was a day of polishing and ploughing through all my ideas that I have for the next "new" book, which will be here with us sometime in the new year, checking all the stuff that I have done for the new book due before Christmas, which again I have polished and added yet another new chapter that I previously hadn't done before, which is nearly there but not quite so I know what I shall be doing tonight, also I have been in a pit of misery as I feel as though if I was an old car I would be getting put on the back of a tow truck to be dragged to the scrapyard, Not fixed up by G and Mr C, I have been through the wars with broken bones and the such like but my shoulder has well and truly done the business as I struggle to move, which is a nightmare as I'm trying to break a forty plus year habit of sleeping on my arm (ouch) underneath my pillow. it's muscular though so hopefully easily sorted (fingers crossed).
The choices for tonight's entertainment are do we stay in and have a night of doing sweet bugger all keeping the pennies for next weekend, going to see Europe in Newcastle who to be honest we have seen the last two times and we know they are a bloody good band live but what are they going to do that will be "different" the problem with bands needing to survive by touring they are like a bus "oooh look it's November Europe must be due a tour" you get the picture, or we could (and this one would get my vote purely for the mayhem quotation but the wife isn't 100% so it's a no no!) go and see Bessie and the Zinc Buckets in sunny South Shields! bedlam with just a hint of drink induced frenzy, so I will tinker about the house with just a hint of a pet lip as I endure the Boo Hoo Club and look after my sickly co conspirator who as always is in worse shape than this whinging man!
So we will endeavour to enjoy the last Grand Prix of the season and make sure that we are prepared for our Friday night to come with good friends and hopefully to our preferred drinking hole in Newcastle (no not the Robbers Den) safe in the knowledge that there will be a couple of jaunts away in the coming weeks to bring friendship and sanity back into our lives OK so sanity will be spelt with a silent "in" in front of it, but who cares the The Tee Hee Club will rise again these last six months have been absolute purgatory, but praise the lord there is a light at the end of the tunnel and thankfully it's G going on about hoops while stealing handbags and dancing in high heels!
The numbers for the last couple of blogs have indeed been through the roof! so there's a plus for me and all my negativity and a lot of peeps seem to be digging the vibe so hopefully I can try and keep grooving in the right direction, some of you are indeed spreading the disease so thank you for that, if any of you check the Blurb website the numbers have shrunk obviously because I have been quite quiet lately .But if you click the like button on there on any particular book itself,Blurb will start pushing them again, any help gratefully accepted me a media whore....of course darling!
So a week to write my socks off I already have a blog for my birthday prepared and honestly I don't think it will be too bilious, I may not like the day but I'm not that much of a sour puss as too rain on others good wishes, after that well not a lot and plenty of it and then silent running for a while to get the juices flowing and down onto the page so to speak so enjoy hanging onto the spinning pearl we call home and watch the skies there could be a few blogs soon....Toodles!
Thursday 22 November 2012
Fear
I believe that I suffer from two fundemental forms of fear (well OK that's two that I will admit too hahahaha) fear of not getting what I want (oh dear hahahaha after not getting what I want for so long all I really need these days is a quiet happy family life.....WTF) and the fear of losing what I have (as mad as it sounds - The wife and kids - Cliche....go figure) the fact that they don't stem from any "actual" threats to my actual or "percived" survival, I firmly believe that both aspects of this fear is derived itself from an underlying fear of my "actual" or "percieved" death (can't you tell I have a birthday approaching like the wife in a formula one racing car) it would follow that most of my anxiety is actually the result of a faulty perception (Moi with my reputation!) oh and when I mean perception what I really mean is call loony tunes as one of the toons is on the loose! Now this leaves me with two possible options regaurding my fears, I need to change my perception or do what I do best and simply ignore the issue all together!
Now the reason that I actually bring this particular issue to your attention is in this ever changing world of self improvementI never see "ignoring yourself" being offered as a viable solution to the problems of the mind (and I seem to have a few- Cuckoo)but let me assure you yes you, hell yeah it works! the next time that you are filled with dread simply take a post it note to yourself, thank your mind for making you aware of the issue but behave as if you have been given a racing tip from a zebra in a bar (the unicorn is on a weeks holiday). of course ignoring fear messages no longer applies if your sat on a bus and the nutter next to utters those imortal words "I have a thermo nuclear device strapped to me" while all the time speaking in various to the one and only true god Cedric! In reality it's probably only a corned beef can and you think I have issues hahahaha.
I think you can tell by the blog that this holiday can't real come quickly enough, tomorrow is D day on a number of issues Pay being the most important reason if not just for my sanity I really do need a rest work has worn me down (along with a few others on the team) to a nub I need some good company, some drink and just a pinch of tenderness sweet tenderness, so watch the skies there will as always be another blog until then...Toodles!
Now the reason that I actually bring this particular issue to your attention is in this ever changing world of self improvementI never see "ignoring yourself" being offered as a viable solution to the problems of the mind (and I seem to have a few- Cuckoo)but let me assure you yes you, hell yeah it works! the next time that you are filled with dread simply take a post it note to yourself, thank your mind for making you aware of the issue but behave as if you have been given a racing tip from a zebra in a bar (the unicorn is on a weeks holiday). of course ignoring fear messages no longer applies if your sat on a bus and the nutter next to utters those imortal words "I have a thermo nuclear device strapped to me" while all the time speaking in various to the one and only true god Cedric! In reality it's probably only a corned beef can and you think I have issues hahahaha.
I think you can tell by the blog that this holiday can't real come quickly enough, tomorrow is D day on a number of issues Pay being the most important reason if not just for my sanity I really do need a rest work has worn me down (along with a few others on the team) to a nub I need some good company, some drink and just a pinch of tenderness sweet tenderness, so watch the skies there will as always be another blog until then...Toodles!
Sunday 18 November 2012
Question of Balance
So here I sit sullen late at night, checking stats and the last blog has done well, well for something I threw out there, Waiting for the time to for me to climb into my pit and let the clock keep ticking as I countdown the hours before I carry on with another week at work hey ho lets go.
The blogs have been doing OK of late (that's why I'm sat here sullen) where have I gone wrong, as always doubt has crept under the armour and is burrowing slowly and painfully towards my heart, actually that would be my shoulder, that a fortnight after the last assination attempt is still incredibly sore, I have to go to the quacks on my birthday of all days, so if I'm still in pain I might ask him his highly sought after opinion as to why my loved ones are still trying to kill me?
A day of doing odds and sods has come and gone and I still haven't done all the things I wanted to, but I have been compiling more ideas and getting them into shape for the new book in the new year, hopefully if the pay rise is in the bank on friday then the next new book will be sent to the publishers and damn the torpedoes!
I have been getting teased with tickling rednecks (the dreaded R word) because of the corperation tax scandal that is going on at the moment and I have to admit I just don't use the companies concerned and I do not have an axe to grind or feel the need to blog about them (and yet here I am) mind you if I was prime minister and it was proven I would just sieze the companies assets and imprison the entire board of directors, would you all vote for me? as it is I won't use their services, over priced and crap when did we become coffee swilling addicts, why should I care I don't really I just feel the need to sit here and type something to clear my head.
I have the desire to sit and type something that is not structured something that is random something that i just let flow from my finger tips I need to get in the mood because I believe I have a week of writing coming up and I need to get the old fingers oiled will it be perfection? I have no idea, I just know I have not had this feeling of anticipation for a long long time and I cannot wait, this week will probably be the longest ever so I will just have to knuckle down and crack on.
Work has become a major pain purely because of the quantity of work coming my way do I think I can handle it hell no but I'm sure as hell going to go down fighting, if I don't the week will just drag on. Cunning plans are being devised not only for a birthday bash (I will be the uncomfortable person sat in the corner hahahaha) but a mini road trip to York (Woo Hoo) as well as going to see a certain film on the 14th (can't name it otherwise E might try and get in on the assination game and she comes across as a person who would do it properly) mind you I have taken a day off work because I thought we could go to the first viewing but mmmm the others aren't as keen, lets just go with the flow.
The numbers for the blogs I hear you all ask well 333 in the last four weeks so I must be doing something right, and most of the comments and personal e-mails have been well complimentary the only real abuse I have been getting is people who haven't been getting the name game (give it a rest Nils I'm sick and twisted and like my music) and I have to give praise were it's due about 90% of you do indeed get it (how many of you goggle the bloody answer though) so maybe I need to go obscure on you're asses don't worry as always I have some good ideas leave it with me see what we can do!
So there you go two blogs in less than twelve hours, will this be the beginning of the flood, well probably not just flexing those (brain) muscles required for the next book and beyond and for once I feel pretty damn good about it, why not just crack on with it now? I hear a number of you saying, well for one I have a tendency to blink after work and this week is going to be intense to say the least so if I do indeed get the urge to do another one before next Friday praise the god you believe in but don't hold your breath, what with work and Junior and any further murderous attempts on my life! trust me I'm going to be one busy bunny and on that note it's time to turn out the lights pull the covers over this weary body and as always just go with the flow.
Thanks to each and every single one of you, for following this sad old(er) man as he bimbles on down the roadand trust me when I say that there is some stuff coming down the line that I think that you all might get a kick out of and on that note it's time for my beauty sleep play nice and be positive keep spreading the disease and remember to watch the skies you never can tell when I will get the urge ....until then Toodles!
The blogs have been doing OK of late (that's why I'm sat here sullen) where have I gone wrong, as always doubt has crept under the armour and is burrowing slowly and painfully towards my heart, actually that would be my shoulder, that a fortnight after the last assination attempt is still incredibly sore, I have to go to the quacks on my birthday of all days, so if I'm still in pain I might ask him his highly sought after opinion as to why my loved ones are still trying to kill me?
A day of doing odds and sods has come and gone and I still haven't done all the things I wanted to, but I have been compiling more ideas and getting them into shape for the new book in the new year, hopefully if the pay rise is in the bank on friday then the next new book will be sent to the publishers and damn the torpedoes!
I have been getting teased with tickling rednecks (the dreaded R word) because of the corperation tax scandal that is going on at the moment and I have to admit I just don't use the companies concerned and I do not have an axe to grind or feel the need to blog about them (and yet here I am) mind you if I was prime minister and it was proven I would just sieze the companies assets and imprison the entire board of directors, would you all vote for me? as it is I won't use their services, over priced and crap when did we become coffee swilling addicts, why should I care I don't really I just feel the need to sit here and type something to clear my head.
I have the desire to sit and type something that is not structured something that is random something that i just let flow from my finger tips I need to get in the mood because I believe I have a week of writing coming up and I need to get the old fingers oiled will it be perfection? I have no idea, I just know I have not had this feeling of anticipation for a long long time and I cannot wait, this week will probably be the longest ever so I will just have to knuckle down and crack on.
Work has become a major pain purely because of the quantity of work coming my way do I think I can handle it hell no but I'm sure as hell going to go down fighting, if I don't the week will just drag on. Cunning plans are being devised not only for a birthday bash (I will be the uncomfortable person sat in the corner hahahaha) but a mini road trip to York (Woo Hoo) as well as going to see a certain film on the 14th (can't name it otherwise E might try and get in on the assination game and she comes across as a person who would do it properly) mind you I have taken a day off work because I thought we could go to the first viewing but mmmm the others aren't as keen, lets just go with the flow.
The numbers for the blogs I hear you all ask well 333 in the last four weeks so I must be doing something right, and most of the comments and personal e-mails have been well complimentary the only real abuse I have been getting is people who haven't been getting the name game (give it a rest Nils I'm sick and twisted and like my music) and I have to give praise were it's due about 90% of you do indeed get it (how many of you goggle the bloody answer though) so maybe I need to go obscure on you're asses don't worry as always I have some good ideas leave it with me see what we can do!
So there you go two blogs in less than twelve hours, will this be the beginning of the flood, well probably not just flexing those (brain) muscles required for the next book and beyond and for once I feel pretty damn good about it, why not just crack on with it now? I hear a number of you saying, well for one I have a tendency to blink after work and this week is going to be intense to say the least so if I do indeed get the urge to do another one before next Friday praise the god you believe in but don't hold your breath, what with work and Junior and any further murderous attempts on my life! trust me I'm going to be one busy bunny and on that note it's time to turn out the lights pull the covers over this weary body and as always just go with the flow.
Thanks to each and every single one of you, for following this sad old(er) man as he bimbles on down the roadand trust me when I say that there is some stuff coming down the line that I think that you all might get a kick out of and on that note it's time for my beauty sleep play nice and be positive keep spreading the disease and remember to watch the skies you never can tell when I will get the urge ....until then Toodles!
The brightest bulb has burned out.
I happen to think that if I don't examine my life, then surely my life has not been worth living (don't worry this is not a doom and gloom blog) I also happen to think that there is the potential of heartache could float to the surface, with that in the front of my brain whenever I'm down (which isn't as often as it used to be honest) i constantly examine and re-examine episodes of my earlier life and so here is where I'm at today!
The only progress I can say with total honesty is that I now have interaction with a much wider range of friends (yes friends me with my reputation) I'm not the insular teenager I turned into (as a child I was quite open to friendship) although my fragile ego (ah come on boys and girls I blog and publish my own books even I know I have some kind of ego) gets shattered a number of times over the years, it has not shaped me in a negative way, unfortunately progress is usually short lived because each and every deflation (oooh that sounds so rude) was usually followed by an aggressive assertive ego building session (doesn't sound like me)to make me a more resilient replacement/ass-hole (delete as you feel appropriate) son, soldier, lumberjack, ass-hole, drunk, husband, writer, divorced, ass-hole, drunk, stand up type of guy, husband, father, hard worker, ass-hole etc etc (you get the picture) not that I have studied my life cycle much!
Success, failure they are in actuality just false selves because they are just fleeting moments in our existence, with no real substance or permanence and yet we carry them with us for eternity (damn when did I ever get this deep?) so where does this leave me? ego less ....yeah right I'm still blogging hahahahaha (and tonight I take over the world hahahahaha), but then it struck me like a bolt from the blue what if I am not a name but a number .....24626445 if your interested!
There you go even in a tight corner I can waffle for my country and pull a blog out of nowhere, I'm counting down until I start my holiday next Friday night and praying that my pay rise is in the bank otherwise you could see a very depressing blog next Friday night but until then play nice and watch the skies there will be another blog along before then ....Toodles!
The only progress I can say with total honesty is that I now have interaction with a much wider range of friends (yes friends me with my reputation) I'm not the insular teenager I turned into (as a child I was quite open to friendship) although my fragile ego (ah come on boys and girls I blog and publish my own books even I know I have some kind of ego) gets shattered a number of times over the years, it has not shaped me in a negative way, unfortunately progress is usually short lived because each and every deflation (oooh that sounds so rude) was usually followed by an aggressive assertive ego building session (doesn't sound like me)to make me a more resilient replacement/ass-hole (delete as you feel appropriate) son, soldier, lumberjack, ass-hole, drunk, husband, writer, divorced, ass-hole, drunk, stand up type of guy, husband, father, hard worker, ass-hole etc etc (you get the picture) not that I have studied my life cycle much!
Success, failure they are in actuality just false selves because they are just fleeting moments in our existence, with no real substance or permanence and yet we carry them with us for eternity (damn when did I ever get this deep?) so where does this leave me? ego less ....yeah right I'm still blogging hahahahaha (and tonight I take over the world hahahahaha), but then it struck me like a bolt from the blue what if I am not a name but a number .....24626445 if your interested!
There you go even in a tight corner I can waffle for my country and pull a blog out of nowhere, I'm counting down until I start my holiday next Friday night and praying that my pay rise is in the bank otherwise you could see a very depressing blog next Friday night but until then play nice and watch the skies there will be another blog along before then ....Toodles!
Tuesday 13 November 2012
Computer God
I don't know about you or your good self but I believe that my character flaws (go on we all have them) are so deeply embedded that they actually make up the bulk of my DNA, it gives me freaky thoughts (no surprise there then) sometimes I dream that I am an organic based computer that has had the wrong operating system installed (like some doofus has installed Windows XP into an Apple mac) so consequently any information that is collected and turned into data doesn't make any sense (bit like my life so to speak) so nothing in reality reflects the the true....reality! (good stuff eh?) typical man shouts the wife from the other castle....see what I mean!
For example when I walk into a room populated with regular people and they are sitting chatting and generally having a great time, when all of a sudden somebody chuckles or gives out one great big belly laugh (now this is where the software isn't compatible....are those bastards laughing at me?) I hate them all instantly then somebody in my group of peers (I am a god I have no peers!) and I go into survival mode, because I'm not good enough (that bloody software again) damn is that one of my flaws or is it in my DNA ...hahahahaha who really cares?
Now at times usually when I'm in a downward spiral.....what do you mean every other day! (me with my reputation) these flaws could potentially send me off on one and cause pain and desolation wherever I might roam,not only to myself but to the entire population. In one of those rare moments of clarity (sometime back in 27-4-1991) i realised that these problems are indeed part of my damn DNA! The trick now is to try and overcome these failings/flaws or just pure charm (hahahaha) whatever you might want to call them, before some software savvy person/geek analyst sends me back to the factory as faulty (come on boys and girls follow the damn thread) I need to be able to prove that I'm not the centre of the whole damn universe (hang on a second what do you mean I'm not!) and that me and my issues shouldn't really take precedent over anything, And then my software kicks in and says"error error windows has encountered an issue and needs to reboot! you are not worthy, you are not loved, it's at that moment I say to myself "sod this why should I listen to the wrong software in the wrong bloody machine! I then put myself into sleep mode (again the wife shouts no surprise there then as she rides her unicorn across the lake in the front garden) before I crash the entire system!
Now before anybody sends for the loony tunes this blog has been written in a jolly mood (no I have no idea why either!) I have just gone with the flow so what can I say, there it is more mindless drivel courtesy of me! enjoy and coming soon will be more depressing drivel written to a soundtrack of some grind-core, instead of the medieval minstrel music I have been playing tonight, be good and enjoy life when you get the chance it's the blue sky that makes the difference you know until laters ........Toodles!
For example when I walk into a room populated with regular people and they are sitting chatting and generally having a great time, when all of a sudden somebody chuckles or gives out one great big belly laugh (now this is where the software isn't compatible....are those bastards laughing at me?) I hate them all instantly then somebody in my group of peers (I am a god I have no peers!) and I go into survival mode, because I'm not good enough (that bloody software again) damn is that one of my flaws or is it in my DNA ...hahahahaha who really cares?
Now at times usually when I'm in a downward spiral.....what do you mean every other day! (me with my reputation) these flaws could potentially send me off on one and cause pain and desolation wherever I might roam,not only to myself but to the entire population. In one of those rare moments of clarity (sometime back in 27-4-1991) i realised that these problems are indeed part of my damn DNA! The trick now is to try and overcome these failings/flaws or just pure charm (hahahaha) whatever you might want to call them, before some software savvy person/geek analyst sends me back to the factory as faulty (come on boys and girls follow the damn thread) I need to be able to prove that I'm not the centre of the whole damn universe (hang on a second what do you mean I'm not!) and that me and my issues shouldn't really take precedent over anything, And then my software kicks in and says"error error windows has encountered an issue and needs to reboot! you are not worthy, you are not loved, it's at that moment I say to myself "sod this why should I listen to the wrong software in the wrong bloody machine! I then put myself into sleep mode (again the wife shouts no surprise there then as she rides her unicorn across the lake in the front garden) before I crash the entire system!
Now before anybody sends for the loony tunes this blog has been written in a jolly mood (no I have no idea why either!) I have just gone with the flow so what can I say, there it is more mindless drivel courtesy of me! enjoy and coming soon will be more depressing drivel written to a soundtrack of some grind-core, instead of the medieval minstrel music I have been playing tonight, be good and enjoy life when you get the chance it's the blue sky that makes the difference you know until laters ........Toodles!
Monday 5 November 2012
Alive and Kicking
After yet another scurrilous attempt on my life, this time at the hands of my youngest (conspiracy theory 914) it's official I'm old, I slipped and fell (allegedly) in the shower this morning, I bellowed like a water buffalo that had been shot by Ted Nugent as he swings through the jungle, as I literally hit the tiles, the wife burst through the door like the emergency services that she is soon going to have to replace, to check my pulse or was it my pockets for the insurance documents (I don't have any!) at this moment in time I'm not really sure!
So I thought I would have a go at writing my own eulogy (well somebody has to so why not me?) and besides at this rate one of them is going to succeed sooner rather than bloody later! (I ain't getting any younger you know). I just think that if I want something nice said about me maybe just maybe I should write it myself, Okay so I'm not a bad person (well I have to say that don't I it's a bloody eulogy) I never knowingly have done anybody harm, I have always meant well, despite all the things that I (probably) need forgiving for (hey nobody's perfect) In my heart I know that I always meant well and that for my sins I will suffer worse than you guys could imagine. Those sins were probably driven by fear! (well that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it) fear of being unloved (who couldn't love me hahahaha) fear of poverty (well that one has happened so so no worries there then)fear of death itself, fear, fear, fear, fear....
What can I say I was influenced by a mother who was dealt a crap hand in the devil's game, driven by a chauvinist system designed not to help, just to keep the status quo (down down down) god knows what she had to deal with, far more than me and my brother were ever made aware of! For my family I have always tried to live up to her standards and have (probably) failed, I probably haven't had the relationship with my kids (could try harder) that I would love to have had (not that I think it's bad), that I attribute to the fear of being a bad provider, I will end on that note as I can't (sob) go on there is nothing to fear but fear itself......oh and acts of random violence, lethal diseases and tragic accidents!
Which now brings me back full circle to the bloody ninjas (did you all think I had gone off the reservation and got serious there hahahahaha) that are out there trying to kill me don't you worry I shall dance through their deathly traps and persevere and with that prediction I'm out of here bitches and hell fire I'm on a roll numbers are fab so watch the skies and wait for something soon until then the cunning plans keep on piling up....Toodles!
So I thought I would have a go at writing my own eulogy (well somebody has to so why not me?) and besides at this rate one of them is going to succeed sooner rather than bloody later! (I ain't getting any younger you know). I just think that if I want something nice said about me maybe just maybe I should write it myself, Okay so I'm not a bad person (well I have to say that don't I it's a bloody eulogy) I never knowingly have done anybody harm, I have always meant well, despite all the things that I (probably) need forgiving for (hey nobody's perfect) In my heart I know that I always meant well and that for my sins I will suffer worse than you guys could imagine. Those sins were probably driven by fear! (well that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it) fear of being unloved (who couldn't love me hahahaha) fear of poverty (well that one has happened so so no worries there then)fear of death itself, fear, fear, fear, fear....
What can I say I was influenced by a mother who was dealt a crap hand in the devil's game, driven by a chauvinist system designed not to help, just to keep the status quo (down down down) god knows what she had to deal with, far more than me and my brother were ever made aware of! For my family I have always tried to live up to her standards and have (probably) failed, I probably haven't had the relationship with my kids (could try harder) that I would love to have had (not that I think it's bad), that I attribute to the fear of being a bad provider, I will end on that note as I can't (sob) go on there is nothing to fear but fear itself......oh and acts of random violence, lethal diseases and tragic accidents!
Which now brings me back full circle to the bloody ninjas (did you all think I had gone off the reservation and got serious there hahahahaha) that are out there trying to kill me don't you worry I shall dance through their deathly traps and persevere and with that prediction I'm out of here bitches and hell fire I'm on a roll numbers are fab so watch the skies and wait for something soon until then the cunning plans keep on piling up....Toodles!
Sunday 4 November 2012
Power of Suggestion
I had a teacher (all those years ago) a certain Miss Ward (last year of Juniors) who taught me that procrastination is the thief of time (me procrastinate ...never, show me some blue sky mind you and I might day dream, but procrastinate mmmmm let me think on that one!) It's a saying that I have never forgot one of the few things that has for some reason stuck with me, I will admit that although I do remember it I have never really learned the lesson and put the teaching to good use (me with my reputation) either, here we are on a Sunday with me needing to write a blog that really should have been published this morning and here I am procrastinating!
Miss Ward also told me that only I could actually do the work required to get me through, if I wanted to play the fool then life would at some point surely bite me in the ass(I'm paraphrasing as it is over thirty five years ago)of course me being me I have always had the tendency to think that everything will be fine and dandy (oh how wrong was I on that particular train of thought!) the only person who would really suffer in the long term would be me! so it appears that I really do tend to suffer as I really do have a tendency to procrastinate!
Miss Ward also tried to teach me (and the rest of the class I wasn't really that gifted) to think for ourselves (oh dear) for us to try and have the courage to be unique and to be true to ourselves, to rebel against conformity ( I have no problem with that particular instruction) I don't really remember that much of my year with Miss Ward mind you I do struggle to remember what I did earlier on in the day but she did plant certain things in my head that stay with me to this day (my love of writing being one) she did try and teach us something life changing every Monday on the little blackboard behind her desk and she would put those words of wisdom up there and leave them there for the entire week, it has just dawned on me that after all these years the reason she did that was because we looked at that little blackboard the most because the class clock was right beside it and so the information that she was trying to force into our tiny little minds was drip fed to us! the sneaky little madam! I wonder where she is now and how many other dumb ass minds she influenced by that little trick.
So there you go I shall procrastinate no more and I shall knuckle down and type up a blog.....oh hang on a minute how the hell did that happen damn it those teachers where more sneaky than we ever dared to imagine, until the next time Toodles
Miss Ward also told me that only I could actually do the work required to get me through, if I wanted to play the fool then life would at some point surely bite me in the ass(I'm paraphrasing as it is over thirty five years ago)of course me being me I have always had the tendency to think that everything will be fine and dandy (oh how wrong was I on that particular train of thought!) the only person who would really suffer in the long term would be me! so it appears that I really do tend to suffer as I really do have a tendency to procrastinate!
Miss Ward also tried to teach me (and the rest of the class I wasn't really that gifted) to think for ourselves (oh dear) for us to try and have the courage to be unique and to be true to ourselves, to rebel against conformity ( I have no problem with that particular instruction) I don't really remember that much of my year with Miss Ward mind you I do struggle to remember what I did earlier on in the day but she did plant certain things in my head that stay with me to this day (my love of writing being one) she did try and teach us something life changing every Monday on the little blackboard behind her desk and she would put those words of wisdom up there and leave them there for the entire week, it has just dawned on me that after all these years the reason she did that was because we looked at that little blackboard the most because the class clock was right beside it and so the information that she was trying to force into our tiny little minds was drip fed to us! the sneaky little madam! I wonder where she is now and how many other dumb ass minds she influenced by that little trick.
So there you go I shall procrastinate no more and I shall knuckle down and type up a blog.....oh hang on a minute how the hell did that happen damn it those teachers where more sneaky than we ever dared to imagine, until the next time Toodles
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