After yet another scurrilous attempt on my life, this time at the hands of my youngest (conspiracy theory 914) it's official I'm old, I slipped and fell (allegedly) in the shower this morning, I bellowed like a water buffalo that had been shot by Ted Nugent as he swings through the jungle, as I literally hit the tiles, the wife burst through the door like the emergency services that she is soon going to have to replace, to check my pulse or was it my pockets for the insurance documents (I don't have any!) at this moment in time I'm not really sure!
So I thought I would have a go at writing my own eulogy (well somebody has to so why not me?) and besides at this rate one of them is going to succeed sooner rather than bloody later! (I ain't getting any younger you know). I just think that if I want something nice said about me maybe just maybe I should write it myself, Okay so I'm not a bad person (well I have to say that don't I it's a bloody eulogy) I never knowingly have done anybody harm, I have always meant well, despite all the things that I (probably) need forgiving for (hey nobody's perfect) In my heart I know that I always meant well and that for my sins I will suffer worse than you guys could imagine. Those sins were probably driven by fear! (well that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it) fear of being unloved (who couldn't love me hahahaha) fear of poverty (well that one has happened so so no worries there then)fear of death itself, fear, fear, fear, fear....
What can I say I was influenced by a mother who was dealt a crap hand in the devil's game, driven by a chauvinist system designed not to help, just to keep the status quo (down down down) god knows what she had to deal with, far more than me and my brother were ever made aware of! For my family I have always tried to live up to her standards and have (probably) failed, I probably haven't had the relationship with my kids (could try harder) that I would love to have had (not that I think it's bad), that I attribute to the fear of being a bad provider, I will end on that note as I can't (sob) go on there is nothing to fear but fear itself......oh and acts of random violence, lethal diseases and tragic accidents!
Which now brings me back full circle to the bloody ninjas (did you all think I had gone off the reservation and got serious there hahahahaha) that are out there trying to kill me don't you worry I shall dance through their deathly traps and persevere and with that prediction I'm out of here bitches and hell fire I'm on a roll numbers are fab so watch the skies and wait for something soon until then the cunning plans keep on piling up....Toodles!
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