Short and sweet shall be the order of the day, as I prepare to enjoy the last rays of the sun as it appears there has been a weekend that has whizzed past at breakneck speed and I didn't even notice. Ok so a long day yesterday encouraged me to blink (just a tad, second night in a row) and be herded up the stairs at the ridiculous time of ....actually I have no idea, all I know is I went straight back to sleep.
Today was just another blur of activity and here I am, I'm not overly fond of missing the company of the Tee Hee Club but needs must, it just means I get to spend longer plotting and then for us to have a great night out with great peeps (tee hee).
This has been a week of plotting and consolidating some plans some issues, oh and a brief word with farcebook as I discovered someone taking my name and some of my pictures in vain claiming to be me (the cheeky bastards! you would have least thought that they would have found someone a tad more photogenic, I definitely have the face for radio). thankfully Farcebook resolved the issue in less than four hours. so you can all rest easy in your beds there is actually only one of me sleep tight with that thought (shudder). The plotting is black in nature hopefully with light creeping in, people have been trying to wheedle it out of me with little success, another first hahahahaha, go with the flow I thought some of you will enjoy the ride when all is revealed! however if you were all detectives you should all know by now as I have broadcast what the deed is!
The week has been work and reading and music and more work (no surprise there then) and a short break is required before normal service is resumed, in life not in the blogging stakes so tonight I shall lie around like a loppy dog and order my servants around (that's going to comer back and bite me in the ass but hey ho life is short) actually the house is empty and I can do whatever I want (blogging) but there is an unbelievable pull to the fridge which is full of bloody cupcakes waiting for me to.....
Get thee behind me Satan hahahahaha me myself I is in a good frame of mind (at the moment) blog numbers are up and there are one or two new readers, you can tell because the older blogs get dragged into the ratings, hey its all good if you are new here hello! enjoy the sunshine because some times the sun doesn't shine for long periods of time. all the best to all of the readers old and new and hopefully all my friends are ok, anyway back to the plotting and stuff hope you enjoyed the short version (the one I intend to print was way to libellous to publish) until next time ....Toodles!
Sunday 28 July 2013
Saturday 20 July 2013
Future Tense
The week started with a glorious bang the wife and me reconnecting in a positive way, no eldest in the house with the hurricane with her, we mellowed and did some stuff when we felt like it because we could! we did finances which is never good but we discovered a little wriggle room and were soon planning a trip to visit The Tee Hee Club, there was a free gig in bents park so we high tailed it out of Gimpsville to see The Honeyz and Liberty X (beggars cant be choosers) and we hooked up in the sun with all the good peeps and fed our souls, that stuff that we needed which some of you seem to call happiness, just as well really as the rest of the week was going to turn sour!
Monday I was duty dog all by myself and I wasn't a happy camper not that it unduly bothers me but my partner in crime left it too late to get cover so I was stuck and if I'm honest I just cracked on, but a grudge is for life not just for Christmas,no drama through the shift but home time was a problem, bus at 9.00 which I knew I wouldn't make, but there was another at 9.30 err no there wasn't and I had to wait nearly 90 minutes to get on a packed bus in which I nearly had to stand (fuck off) I wasn't a gentleman I grabbed a seat and tried to ignore all the arseholes which wasn't very easy, I endured a few harsh words with the wifey who wanted to pick me up but I had spent money on a return ticket I wanted my pond of flesh. the next day I raised a stink and boy did it feel good.
Still no eldest or hurricane it felt like a calm before the storm and I soldiered on at work running through treacle which seems to be norm at the moment I don't mind because it's usually the only joy in my life at the moment, I tried to continue with my cunning plan but was stopped dead in my tracks, but that's no biggie life marches on. The eldest returned on Thursday to find the wife poorly and wiped out she hadn't made it to the Kraken's and thought that it was OK after talking to her, wrong the Kraken flared up to her full height (of madness and lunacy) and yesterday was a nightmare and then not and then returned to full flame as a lunatic, the wife getting it full bore which I don't like and I know I could resolve with one sentence,but the wife loves the evil bat so I can't because it would come back to haunt me, but an abusive relationship is an abusive relationship she wouldn't take 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the crap of me that she gives you so soak it up and get on with it I know this sounds harsh but if she does die I know who will gladly do a jig when it happens (and no she ain't worth doing prison time for) but then again pure evil never dies it just bleeds into others!
what does the weekend bring tons of work as I had to bring a load home some chores which in itself I don't mind to break up the monotony of work, hahahaha hamster on a bloody wheel and so there's the weekly blog, I've been down but not out, I can still pick myself up off the canvas, but the body shots are really starting to be annoying I don't want a lot, just a little happiness and if the rest don't,well it might be time to saddle up and go walkabout (ah the good old days) but there will be no retreat no surrender, I feel stronger than I have for a long while and I know I'm nowhere near perfect but really I am starting to get sick of the same old shit, so here's to a brighter future and who knows there could just be a little happiness in there somewhere, so until then .....Toodles!
Monday I was duty dog all by myself and I wasn't a happy camper not that it unduly bothers me but my partner in crime left it too late to get cover so I was stuck and if I'm honest I just cracked on, but a grudge is for life not just for Christmas,no drama through the shift but home time was a problem, bus at 9.00 which I knew I wouldn't make, but there was another at 9.30 err no there wasn't and I had to wait nearly 90 minutes to get on a packed bus in which I nearly had to stand (fuck off) I wasn't a gentleman I grabbed a seat and tried to ignore all the arseholes which wasn't very easy, I endured a few harsh words with the wifey who wanted to pick me up but I had spent money on a return ticket I wanted my pond of flesh. the next day I raised a stink and boy did it feel good.
Still no eldest or hurricane it felt like a calm before the storm and I soldiered on at work running through treacle which seems to be norm at the moment I don't mind because it's usually the only joy in my life at the moment, I tried to continue with my cunning plan but was stopped dead in my tracks, but that's no biggie life marches on. The eldest returned on Thursday to find the wife poorly and wiped out she hadn't made it to the Kraken's and thought that it was OK after talking to her, wrong the Kraken flared up to her full height (of madness and lunacy) and yesterday was a nightmare and then not and then returned to full flame as a lunatic, the wife getting it full bore which I don't like and I know I could resolve with one sentence,but the wife loves the evil bat so I can't because it would come back to haunt me, but an abusive relationship is an abusive relationship she wouldn't take 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the crap of me that she gives you so soak it up and get on with it I know this sounds harsh but if she does die I know who will gladly do a jig when it happens (and no she ain't worth doing prison time for) but then again pure evil never dies it just bleeds into others!
what does the weekend bring tons of work as I had to bring a load home some chores which in itself I don't mind to break up the monotony of work, hahahaha hamster on a bloody wheel and so there's the weekly blog, I've been down but not out, I can still pick myself up off the canvas, but the body shots are really starting to be annoying I don't want a lot, just a little happiness and if the rest don't,well it might be time to saddle up and go walkabout (ah the good old days) but there will be no retreat no surrender, I feel stronger than I have for a long while and I know I'm nowhere near perfect but really I am starting to get sick of the same old shit, so here's to a brighter future and who knows there could just be a little happiness in there somewhere, so until then .....Toodles!
Thursday 11 July 2013
Blog with no name
I don't do emotions I don't like them I like to push the little bleeders way down as far as they will go, they do nothing but cause problems, problems we don't really need any of us shame we just couldn't breed them straight out of us, anger at the moment seems to be my fave of the bunch, but no lets just bottle it up and push it all the way down. I think I should have been a clone docile and full of wonder meant at this joyous world that we live in (damn sarcasm button why won't you come unstuck) now straight away peeps are going to be going oh oh is he in one of those moods ? well yeah I probably am if I'm honest I hate the world and all the rest of it at the moment!
Why? because I want to be, not because I want to hurt anybody or myself (because I don't) I am just hating having all these emotions running through me, I have even not named the blog because that in itself will give my emotions away (GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) they are mine and I feel this way because I can, I'm actually thinking of advertising to see if anybody would like me to come and crap in their teapot so that my next life can be as shitty as this one!
By now hopefully you might have picked up a vibe, I'm annoyed angry, etc etc whatever words that can be used to describe me please fill in the blanks, is this because I'm actually keeping my writing to a minimum (for a special reason) but I don't even think that would help me, anger is just bubbling away and apathy isn't helping, Anger & Apathy sounds like a firm of debt collectors hmmm watch this space in case they do indeed collect any debts owed!
So short and sweet (just like me) seems to be the order of the day and I intend to keep them to once a week, which shouldn't be hard seeing as how all I ever do is work come home and go to bed, I'm a bloody hamster on a wheel and I want to burn the bloody wheel down! so I leave you safe in the knowledge that I'm not a happy camper and no amount of bloody therapy will help so Foxtrot Oscar the lot you and until sometime whenever Toodles!
Why? because I want to be, not because I want to hurt anybody or myself (because I don't) I am just hating having all these emotions running through me, I have even not named the blog because that in itself will give my emotions away (GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) they are mine and I feel this way because I can, I'm actually thinking of advertising to see if anybody would like me to come and crap in their teapot so that my next life can be as shitty as this one!
By now hopefully you might have picked up a vibe, I'm annoyed angry, etc etc whatever words that can be used to describe me please fill in the blanks, is this because I'm actually keeping my writing to a minimum (for a special reason) but I don't even think that would help me, anger is just bubbling away and apathy isn't helping, Anger & Apathy sounds like a firm of debt collectors hmmm watch this space in case they do indeed collect any debts owed!
So short and sweet (just like me) seems to be the order of the day and I intend to keep them to once a week, which shouldn't be hard seeing as how all I ever do is work come home and go to bed, I'm a bloody hamster on a wheel and I want to burn the bloody wheel down! so I leave you safe in the knowledge that I'm not a happy camper and no amount of bloody therapy will help so Foxtrot Oscar the lot you and until sometime whenever Toodles!
Wednesday 3 July 2013
Blood of my enemies
Ok so lets get cracking, technically this is going to be four blogs rolled into one, after you read this mess of a blog I'm sure that you (might) will understand.
The first part to be honest isn't as funny as I hoped it to be, I had to go to Leeds for work and many years ago after seeing the band that sang the song of the title of the blog (yes boys and girls the name game is still in play) they turned around at the end of the gig and went "Tomorrow we ride on Leeds" those of you in the know should chuckle, the rest of you will probably just scratch your heads and wonder about my mental health (more of which later), I had a good/funny type of blog planned mainly about two women who tried to push in ahead of me on the bus (oh dear the wife dared me to be annoying so I was) which it seems to becoming an Olympic standard sport at the moment, but then I got diverted, in a good way but still diverted and I thought I would do it the next day but in reality the moment had passed and I was grasping at straws and I knew it, you knew it, the world knew it we just all pretended but I didn't mind as I was in a great frame of mind, so that in reality was a good thing there wasn't any clouds in the sky (yet).
On Saturday we went to meet some friends who had travelled up the country to see The Wildhearts so we agreed to meet up for a drinkie poo's, we did that and generally had a great time I avoided the camera (which is always a plus) and allegedly I was in good form humorous and polite (WTF me with my reputation!) which for me seems to be yet another good thing. they went off to see the gig and we took a detour, and saw another friend which was even nicer because there had been no plans the wife steered us to another port and it was a wonderful time (the drink had kicked in by then) but thankfully the manly wrestling thingy majig was ignored (phew) at some point the sunset kicked in and we headed home before we had to use the stars to guide us home and although I had had a good drink and some good company I needed food, so we headed to KFC and were soon in our place of dwelling scoffing the lot, the next I knew it was midnight and I wanted my bed, I was starting to feel a tad rough (KFC poisoning) and sleep was now the order of the day.
I awoke the next day feeling like hammered shit and tonsils like medicine balls and no not drink related, I'm old enough to know the difference, the drink didn't help, but the blog I had formulated regarding drink and a Wildhearts roadie slinked back into the ether! the day slid and the vibe as a whole was ok, we watched the Grand Prix and had a generally quiet time, a summery vibe through the day, so again I didn't object it was the boo hoo club instead of the tee hee club but worse things happen at sea ....or so I'm told!
Monday came and I was back on the plague carrier but kindle and music made me a pleasant passenger I don't think I annoyed anybody so what could possibly go wrong and spoil my day, well actually not much, but you did notice that I said I was back on the bus well if I finish at my allotted time the bus I would get is packed to the gills if I can possibly hang on until 5.15 (a who song I believe) I can get on and granted I will have to share a seat with a member of the great unwashed, so I'm sat down it's easier on my knees, well you think my caring wife would be happy that I'm taking care of my health! nope one second past the allotted time she is on my case telling I should tell work to go fuck itself etc etc now I have to admit this is starting to piss me off big style and I have tried any number of times to broach the subject only to be ignored or worse looked at as though I'm shit on someone's shoe (you can see where this is going) at the moment I feel as though I'm atoning for somebody's else's sins and although I don't mind airing my problems I tend not to share other things however if you see fit I have no problem for you getting me fitted with an ankle bracelet, if you would like to see the probation service I'm sure they will buy into your fucking paranoia, I hung up after the phone call and tried to finish the small task I was doing and because I was wound up I fucked it up and had to start all over again so consequently I ended up being later from work than I intended, so go figure, my only real gripe is that I'm sick of being a prisoner at no point have I ever told my wife what to do, where to go or who to talk (like I would have a choice) so why does she insist that every second of my movements be co ordinated by the royal protection detail so that I run on clock work, sorry but I'm getting pretty damn sick of it......OK!
The night got away from me and the wife wasn't well (probably the real reason for my slagging on the phone) so I put her to bed and I was still damn angry I had intended to do a blog simply called "Poison" but I would have been looking for a divorce lawyer rather going to see the quacks today, as always just a minor blip in the grand scheme of things but hey ho it boils my piss. Tuesday I was duty dog a late start and a late finish and as I walked through the door there was chaos and mayhem all over the place and I wasn't in the mood for it, so I kicked off took charge and barked my orders like an NCO should, cleared a large section of the mall of public and called the fire brigade, problem solved there was some direction, as always the troops mustered rallied and took the bridgehead created and stormed the problem a total result and the fire brigade where very happy with the results, so a resounding result, I stopped being the professional that I am and was about to spew forth a load of technical descriptive wording (that's swearing to the non English who are reading) when out of the corner of my eye I saw my boss who then proceed to congratulate me (and the team) on a job well done ooops nearly dropped myself in it, the rest of the day passed without much problems other than the hideous amounts of paperwork that goes with the exercise that I kicked off at the start of the shift.
An uneventful bus trip with yet an other person pushing in to get on the bus, this time I didn't care the plague carrier was empty and I just wanted a seat my knee was putting like an on board motor off a boat and I sat and then it dawned on me tomorrow was the big day, damn it had crept up on me and I wasn't prepared (oh a get out of jail card erm no) I sat and contemplated an exit strategy, and I came up with a few but in the end the only loser is going to be me and the fallout would be catastrophic, as I climbed out at the end of the journey my mind was set all I had to do was walk through the doors and that first step was taken......or was it? This morning we only went and slept in (ooooh some kind of cryptic message from a guardian angel) but no it wasn't that bad only a little late so I still got sorted and a United Nations convoy was going to drop me off at my appointment (ok so the car was going to be full and I was going to drop and roll as we passed the hospital) and lo and behold the wife and the eldest only went and got stressed because the back lane was full of traffic (another sign to get the hell out of dodge) but no I fed them both 9000mm of elephant tranquiliser and it got them down to a dull roar (just). We followed the directions and I was in the drop zone and as soon as I put my foot out of the car PANIC in big capital letters I just wanted to climb back in and not go but I forced myself down the stairs, into a very foreboding clinical building the vibe wasn't there, I introduced myself and was told I was in the wrong building (how many signs do I need to tell me this isn't the way forward) I listened to the instructions and followed them to the letter and again ended up in totally wrong place this time I tried the main reception and thankfully ended up in the right direction, again to be in the wrong place, right building wrong fucking entrance I was now truly annoyed and emotionally distraught, if someone had said the wrong thing I probably would have done GBH there and then or was that the plan?
Once more I introduced myself, they confirmed my details and asked me to have a seat a much nicer environment but I was far from stable and was about to bolt, when my name was called (fuck I was stuck) the nurse had my only point of escape blocked and I didn't have the strength to throw a three tier seat through the ridiculously small fucking window, I followed meekly and sat where I was directed and then over the course of an hour spilled my guts, no I don't want medication, no I was never abused as a child, no I don't want to hurt myself, nor am I suicidal, do I have dark thoughts? define dark thoughts? erm fuck yeah painted in the blackest black there is, and bit by bit the armour that was rusted and ineffective was peeled away and I felt better for it, this lady didn't know me she listened asked questions and waited when it got just a tad emotional, thinking back she got a damn sight more information out of me than I intended, I was intending to stay aloof and then do a runner, but no she knee capped me with patience and I spilled my guts like a stool pigeon in an episode of the Soprano's! she was very good and I know this will not be resolved overnight I'm now part of a huge machine hopefully I have done the right thing!
The outcome .....well it's to be decided by others she has all she needs, she has told what he intends to recommend for me, (that's for me to know and for me to write about at length) she then went on to congratulate me for the strength of character to get through the last 32 years, WTF a total stranger and in less then three minutes she gave me more self belief in myself than I thought was possible had there been tears? yes a few misty eyed moments but it did me better than trying to bottle it up, I walked out with my head held high, how the hell did that happen? did it last? fuck no, but it has given me a much more better map for the road ahead (and more cunning plans as well) I'm sure I will comment in some way or another, I went to work did what I had to do and came home no fussing no fighting and had a lovely meal prepared by my wife (I know I wondered which organ I was going to have to be selling next) and that's the quartet all rolled into one a lot of good points mainly meeting Dunc (the aforementioned Wildhearts roadie) with some scandalous tales and happy memories, we need more people in the world like him a true gent, the hospital even took details of my blog ( I know a shameless media whore as always I need to boost ratings) just to confirm I am the loon I profess to be this is me a happier person because I took the step! I don't need rehab I don't do anything stupid (no comment G please I'm going to get enough shit for the earlier comments) as I sit here listening to The Wildhearts typing this mess up I feel the title is off the mark but I had promised a blog with that title, so as always I delivered (only a little late and you should have seen some of the threats I got ...alright Lady E hahahaha) if only slightly late considering I will trawl through my fave Wildhearts tracks and choose one for a forthcoming blog? maybe I should get Dunc to hold cards up to see what would get the best response.........ah tad difficult in this medium hahahahaha I have one straight away but I would be dead if I use it and I'm not that brave just yet! anyway I'm waffling thanks as always to everybody for the help and the support for little old me. I hope this was enjoyable in some kind of way I know I enjoyed it so catch ya all laters! until then Toodles!
The first part to be honest isn't as funny as I hoped it to be, I had to go to Leeds for work and many years ago after seeing the band that sang the song of the title of the blog (yes boys and girls the name game is still in play) they turned around at the end of the gig and went "Tomorrow we ride on Leeds" those of you in the know should chuckle, the rest of you will probably just scratch your heads and wonder about my mental health (more of which later), I had a good/funny type of blog planned mainly about two women who tried to push in ahead of me on the bus (oh dear the wife dared me to be annoying so I was) which it seems to becoming an Olympic standard sport at the moment, but then I got diverted, in a good way but still diverted and I thought I would do it the next day but in reality the moment had passed and I was grasping at straws and I knew it, you knew it, the world knew it we just all pretended but I didn't mind as I was in a great frame of mind, so that in reality was a good thing there wasn't any clouds in the sky (yet).
On Saturday we went to meet some friends who had travelled up the country to see The Wildhearts so we agreed to meet up for a drinkie poo's, we did that and generally had a great time I avoided the camera (which is always a plus) and allegedly I was in good form humorous and polite (WTF me with my reputation!) which for me seems to be yet another good thing. they went off to see the gig and we took a detour, and saw another friend which was even nicer because there had been no plans the wife steered us to another port and it was a wonderful time (the drink had kicked in by then) but thankfully the manly wrestling thingy majig was ignored (phew) at some point the sunset kicked in and we headed home before we had to use the stars to guide us home and although I had had a good drink and some good company I needed food, so we headed to KFC and were soon in our place of dwelling scoffing the lot, the next I knew it was midnight and I wanted my bed, I was starting to feel a tad rough (KFC poisoning) and sleep was now the order of the day.
I awoke the next day feeling like hammered shit and tonsils like medicine balls and no not drink related, I'm old enough to know the difference, the drink didn't help, but the blog I had formulated regarding drink and a Wildhearts roadie slinked back into the ether! the day slid and the vibe as a whole was ok, we watched the Grand Prix and had a generally quiet time, a summery vibe through the day, so again I didn't object it was the boo hoo club instead of the tee hee club but worse things happen at sea ....or so I'm told!
Monday came and I was back on the plague carrier but kindle and music made me a pleasant passenger I don't think I annoyed anybody so what could possibly go wrong and spoil my day, well actually not much, but you did notice that I said I was back on the bus well if I finish at my allotted time the bus I would get is packed to the gills if I can possibly hang on until 5.15 (a who song I believe) I can get on and granted I will have to share a seat with a member of the great unwashed, so I'm sat down it's easier on my knees, well you think my caring wife would be happy that I'm taking care of my health! nope one second past the allotted time she is on my case telling I should tell work to go fuck itself etc etc now I have to admit this is starting to piss me off big style and I have tried any number of times to broach the subject only to be ignored or worse looked at as though I'm shit on someone's shoe (you can see where this is going) at the moment I feel as though I'm atoning for somebody's else's sins and although I don't mind airing my problems I tend not to share other things however if you see fit I have no problem for you getting me fitted with an ankle bracelet, if you would like to see the probation service I'm sure they will buy into your fucking paranoia, I hung up after the phone call and tried to finish the small task I was doing and because I was wound up I fucked it up and had to start all over again so consequently I ended up being later from work than I intended, so go figure, my only real gripe is that I'm sick of being a prisoner at no point have I ever told my wife what to do, where to go or who to talk (like I would have a choice) so why does she insist that every second of my movements be co ordinated by the royal protection detail so that I run on clock work, sorry but I'm getting pretty damn sick of it......OK!
The night got away from me and the wife wasn't well (probably the real reason for my slagging on the phone) so I put her to bed and I was still damn angry I had intended to do a blog simply called "Poison" but I would have been looking for a divorce lawyer rather going to see the quacks today, as always just a minor blip in the grand scheme of things but hey ho it boils my piss. Tuesday I was duty dog a late start and a late finish and as I walked through the door there was chaos and mayhem all over the place and I wasn't in the mood for it, so I kicked off took charge and barked my orders like an NCO should, cleared a large section of the mall of public and called the fire brigade, problem solved there was some direction, as always the troops mustered rallied and took the bridgehead created and stormed the problem a total result and the fire brigade where very happy with the results, so a resounding result, I stopped being the professional that I am and was about to spew forth a load of technical descriptive wording (that's swearing to the non English who are reading) when out of the corner of my eye I saw my boss who then proceed to congratulate me (and the team) on a job well done ooops nearly dropped myself in it, the rest of the day passed without much problems other than the hideous amounts of paperwork that goes with the exercise that I kicked off at the start of the shift.
An uneventful bus trip with yet an other person pushing in to get on the bus, this time I didn't care the plague carrier was empty and I just wanted a seat my knee was putting like an on board motor off a boat and I sat and then it dawned on me tomorrow was the big day, damn it had crept up on me and I wasn't prepared (oh a get out of jail card erm no) I sat and contemplated an exit strategy, and I came up with a few but in the end the only loser is going to be me and the fallout would be catastrophic, as I climbed out at the end of the journey my mind was set all I had to do was walk through the doors and that first step was taken......or was it? This morning we only went and slept in (ooooh some kind of cryptic message from a guardian angel) but no it wasn't that bad only a little late so I still got sorted and a United Nations convoy was going to drop me off at my appointment (ok so the car was going to be full and I was going to drop and roll as we passed the hospital) and lo and behold the wife and the eldest only went and got stressed because the back lane was full of traffic (another sign to get the hell out of dodge) but no I fed them both 9000mm of elephant tranquiliser and it got them down to a dull roar (just). We followed the directions and I was in the drop zone and as soon as I put my foot out of the car PANIC in big capital letters I just wanted to climb back in and not go but I forced myself down the stairs, into a very foreboding clinical building the vibe wasn't there, I introduced myself and was told I was in the wrong building (how many signs do I need to tell me this isn't the way forward) I listened to the instructions and followed them to the letter and again ended up in totally wrong place this time I tried the main reception and thankfully ended up in the right direction, again to be in the wrong place, right building wrong fucking entrance I was now truly annoyed and emotionally distraught, if someone had said the wrong thing I probably would have done GBH there and then or was that the plan?
Once more I introduced myself, they confirmed my details and asked me to have a seat a much nicer environment but I was far from stable and was about to bolt, when my name was called (fuck I was stuck) the nurse had my only point of escape blocked and I didn't have the strength to throw a three tier seat through the ridiculously small fucking window, I followed meekly and sat where I was directed and then over the course of an hour spilled my guts, no I don't want medication, no I was never abused as a child, no I don't want to hurt myself, nor am I suicidal, do I have dark thoughts? define dark thoughts? erm fuck yeah painted in the blackest black there is, and bit by bit the armour that was rusted and ineffective was peeled away and I felt better for it, this lady didn't know me she listened asked questions and waited when it got just a tad emotional, thinking back she got a damn sight more information out of me than I intended, I was intending to stay aloof and then do a runner, but no she knee capped me with patience and I spilled my guts like a stool pigeon in an episode of the Soprano's! she was very good and I know this will not be resolved overnight I'm now part of a huge machine hopefully I have done the right thing!
The outcome .....well it's to be decided by others she has all she needs, she has told what he intends to recommend for me, (that's for me to know and for me to write about at length) she then went on to congratulate me for the strength of character to get through the last 32 years, WTF a total stranger and in less then three minutes she gave me more self belief in myself than I thought was possible had there been tears? yes a few misty eyed moments but it did me better than trying to bottle it up, I walked out with my head held high, how the hell did that happen? did it last? fuck no, but it has given me a much more better map for the road ahead (and more cunning plans as well) I'm sure I will comment in some way or another, I went to work did what I had to do and came home no fussing no fighting and had a lovely meal prepared by my wife (I know I wondered which organ I was going to have to be selling next) and that's the quartet all rolled into one a lot of good points mainly meeting Dunc (the aforementioned Wildhearts roadie) with some scandalous tales and happy memories, we need more people in the world like him a true gent, the hospital even took details of my blog ( I know a shameless media whore as always I need to boost ratings) just to confirm I am the loon I profess to be this is me a happier person because I took the step! I don't need rehab I don't do anything stupid (no comment G please I'm going to get enough shit for the earlier comments) as I sit here listening to The Wildhearts typing this mess up I feel the title is off the mark but I had promised a blog with that title, so as always I delivered (only a little late and you should have seen some of the threats I got ...alright Lady E hahahaha) if only slightly late considering I will trawl through my fave Wildhearts tracks and choose one for a forthcoming blog? maybe I should get Dunc to hold cards up to see what would get the best response.........ah tad difficult in this medium hahahahaha I have one straight away but I would be dead if I use it and I'm not that brave just yet! anyway I'm waffling thanks as always to everybody for the help and the support for little old me. I hope this was enjoyable in some kind of way I know I enjoyed it so catch ya all laters! until then Toodles!
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