Ok so lets get cracking, technically this is going to be four blogs rolled into one, after you read this mess of a blog I'm sure that you (might) will understand.
The first part to be honest isn't as funny as I hoped it to be, I had to go to Leeds for work and many years ago after seeing the band that sang the song of the title of the blog (yes boys and girls the name game is still in play) they turned around at the end of the gig and went "Tomorrow we ride on Leeds" those of you in the know should chuckle, the rest of you will probably just scratch your heads and wonder about my mental health (more of which later), I had a good/funny type of blog planned mainly about two women who tried to push in ahead of me on the bus (oh dear the wife dared me to be annoying so I was) which it seems to becoming an Olympic standard sport at the moment, but then I got diverted, in a good way but still diverted and I thought I would do it the next day but in reality the moment had passed and I was grasping at straws and I knew it, you knew it, the world knew it we just all pretended but I didn't mind as I was in a great frame of mind, so that in reality was a good thing there wasn't any clouds in the sky (yet).
On Saturday we went to meet some friends who had travelled up the country to see The Wildhearts so we agreed to meet up for a drinkie poo's, we did that and generally had a great time I avoided the camera (which is always a plus) and allegedly I was in good form humorous and polite (WTF me with my reputation!) which for me seems to be yet another good thing. they went off to see the gig and we took a detour, and saw another friend which was even nicer because there had been no plans the wife steered us to another port and it was a wonderful time (the drink had kicked in by then) but thankfully the manly wrestling thingy majig was ignored (phew) at some point the sunset kicked in and we headed home before we had to use the stars to guide us home and although I had had a good drink and some good company I needed food, so we headed to KFC and were soon in our place of dwelling scoffing the lot, the next I knew it was midnight and I wanted my bed, I was starting to feel a tad rough (KFC poisoning) and sleep was now the order of the day.
I awoke the next day feeling like hammered shit and tonsils like medicine balls and no not drink related, I'm old enough to know the difference, the drink didn't help, but the blog I had formulated regarding drink and a Wildhearts roadie slinked back into the ether! the day slid and the vibe as a whole was ok, we watched the Grand Prix and had a generally quiet time, a summery vibe through the day, so again I didn't object it was the boo hoo club instead of the tee hee club but worse things happen at sea ....or so I'm told!
Monday came and I was back on the plague carrier but kindle and music made me a pleasant passenger I don't think I annoyed anybody so what could possibly go wrong and spoil my day, well actually not much, but you did notice that I said I was back on the bus well if I finish at my allotted time the bus I would get is packed to the gills if I can possibly hang on until 5.15 (a who song I believe) I can get on and granted I will have to share a seat with a member of the great unwashed, so I'm sat down it's easier on my knees, well you think my caring wife would be happy that I'm taking care of my health! nope one second past the allotted time she is on my case telling I should tell work to go fuck itself etc etc now I have to admit this is starting to piss me off big style and I have tried any number of times to broach the subject only to be ignored or worse looked at as though I'm shit on someone's shoe (you can see where this is going) at the moment I feel as though I'm atoning for somebody's else's sins and although I don't mind airing my problems I tend not to share other things however if you see fit I have no problem for you getting me fitted with an ankle bracelet, if you would like to see the probation service I'm sure they will buy into your fucking paranoia, I hung up after the phone call and tried to finish the small task I was doing and because I was wound up I fucked it up and had to start all over again so consequently I ended up being later from work than I intended, so go figure, my only real gripe is that I'm sick of being a prisoner at no point have I ever told my wife what to do, where to go or who to talk (like I would have a choice) so why does she insist that every second of my movements be co ordinated by the royal protection detail so that I run on clock work, sorry but I'm getting pretty damn sick of it......OK!
The night got away from me and the wife wasn't well (probably the real reason for my slagging on the phone) so I put her to bed and I was still damn angry I had intended to do a blog simply called "Poison" but I would have been looking for a divorce lawyer rather going to see the quacks today, as always just a minor blip in the grand scheme of things but hey ho it boils my piss. Tuesday I was duty dog a late start and a late finish and as I walked through the door there was chaos and mayhem all over the place and I wasn't in the mood for it, so I kicked off took charge and barked my orders like an NCO should, cleared a large section of the mall of public and called the fire brigade, problem solved there was some direction, as always the troops mustered rallied and took the bridgehead created and stormed the problem a total result and the fire brigade where very happy with the results, so a resounding result, I stopped being the professional that I am and was about to spew forth a load of technical descriptive wording (that's swearing to the non English who are reading) when out of the corner of my eye I saw my boss who then proceed to congratulate me (and the team) on a job well done ooops nearly dropped myself in it, the rest of the day passed without much problems other than the hideous amounts of paperwork that goes with the exercise that I kicked off at the start of the shift.
An uneventful bus trip with yet an other person pushing in to get on the bus, this time I didn't care the plague carrier was empty and I just wanted a seat my knee was putting like an on board motor off a boat and I sat and then it dawned on me tomorrow was the big day, damn it had crept up on me and I wasn't prepared (oh a get out of jail card erm no) I sat and contemplated an exit strategy, and I came up with a few but in the end the only loser is going to be me and the fallout would be catastrophic, as I climbed out at the end of the journey my mind was set all I had to do was walk through the doors and that first step was taken......or was it? This morning we only went and slept in (ooooh some kind of cryptic message from a guardian angel) but no it wasn't that bad only a little late so I still got sorted and a United Nations convoy was going to drop me off at my appointment (ok so the car was going to be full and I was going to drop and roll as we passed the hospital) and lo and behold the wife and the eldest only went and got stressed because the back lane was full of traffic (another sign to get the hell out of dodge) but no I fed them both 9000mm of elephant tranquiliser and it got them down to a dull roar (just). We followed the directions and I was in the drop zone and as soon as I put my foot out of the car PANIC in big capital letters I just wanted to climb back in and not go but I forced myself down the stairs, into a very foreboding clinical building the vibe wasn't there, I introduced myself and was told I was in the wrong building (how many signs do I need to tell me this isn't the way forward) I listened to the instructions and followed them to the letter and again ended up in totally wrong place this time I tried the main reception and thankfully ended up in the right direction, again to be in the wrong place, right building wrong fucking entrance I was now truly annoyed and emotionally distraught, if someone had said the wrong thing I probably would have done GBH there and then or was that the plan?
Once more I introduced myself, they confirmed my details and asked me to have a seat a much nicer environment but I was far from stable and was about to bolt, when my name was called (fuck I was stuck) the nurse had my only point of escape blocked and I didn't have the strength to throw a three tier seat through the ridiculously small fucking window, I followed meekly and sat where I was directed and then over the course of an hour spilled my guts, no I don't want medication, no I was never abused as a child, no I don't want to hurt myself, nor am I suicidal, do I have dark thoughts? define dark thoughts? erm fuck yeah painted in the blackest black there is, and bit by bit the armour that was rusted and ineffective was peeled away and I felt better for it, this lady didn't know me she listened asked questions and waited when it got just a tad emotional, thinking back she got a damn sight more information out of me than I intended, I was intending to stay aloof and then do a runner, but no she knee capped me with patience and I spilled my guts like a stool pigeon in an episode of the Soprano's! she was very good and I know this will not be resolved overnight I'm now part of a huge machine hopefully I have done the right thing!
The outcome .....well it's to be decided by others she has all she needs, she has told what he intends to recommend for me, (that's for me to know and for me to write about at length) she then went on to congratulate me for the strength of character to get through the last 32 years, WTF a total stranger and in less then three minutes she gave me more self belief in myself than I thought was possible had there been tears? yes a few misty eyed moments but it did me better than trying to bottle it up, I walked out with my head held high, how the hell did that happen? did it last? fuck no, but it has given me a much more better map for the road ahead (and more cunning plans as well) I'm sure I will comment in some way or another, I went to work did what I had to do and came home no fussing no fighting and had a lovely meal prepared by my wife (I know I wondered which organ I was going to have to be selling next) and that's the quartet all rolled into one a lot of good points mainly meeting Dunc (the aforementioned Wildhearts roadie) with some scandalous tales and happy memories, we need more people in the world like him a true gent, the hospital even took details of my blog ( I know a shameless media whore as always I need to boost ratings) just to confirm I am the loon I profess to be this is me a happier person because I took the step! I don't need rehab I don't do anything stupid (no comment G please I'm going to get enough shit for the earlier comments) as I sit here listening to The Wildhearts typing this mess up I feel the title is off the mark but I had promised a blog with that title, so as always I delivered (only a little late and you should have seen some of the threats I got ...alright Lady E hahahaha) if only slightly late considering I will trawl through my fave Wildhearts tracks and choose one for a forthcoming blog? maybe I should get Dunc to hold cards up to see what would get the best response.........ah tad difficult in this medium hahahahaha I have one straight away but I would be dead if I use it and I'm not that brave just yet! anyway I'm waffling thanks as always to everybody for the help and the support for little old me. I hope this was enjoyable in some kind of way I know I enjoyed it so catch ya all laters! until then Toodles!
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