Sunday, 21 August 2016

Telephone Line


Did I mention that the wife broke her phone, did I mention that she had to use mine for seven days and that she used it more in seven days then I had in an entire two years, we were counting down to getting a new phone, I was contemplating simply using my works phone but that would have meant that I was connected to work 24/7 365days and the wife wasn’t happy about that, neither was I, if I’m being honest, I don’t converse with a lot of people not sure why I simply don’t, I have a lot of friends I don’t think I’m very much a talker (unless you set me off about music) I only have a mobile so the wife can check up on me for 24 hours (sins of the previous husband) hey ho if that what she needs to do (get a life Mrs).

So anyway she drops her phone and the phone splits from the corner (oops) she then turns into the Pyscho bitch from hell it’s as if she has had her hand chopped off as well as her ear ripped from head (good god woman it’s just a phone) I thought she was a member of the Borg Collective, resistance was futile, after a healthy dose of Valium, I explained she could actually use mine, this brought her off the ceiling, we were going to have to call an exorcist after all.

We then went through seven days of hell, even though she had my phone and boy did she use it I checked the log, she damn nearly melted the battery (LOL) maybe that’s why I have so many issues, it’s good to talk, we spent seven days checking what she wanted, as always she wanted to be like the sheep and have a Banana (work it out I won’t advertise for them)  looking at all the packages all the deals, twisting her insides to pulp worrying over her deal, I took all of two minutes, nothing wrong with the phone I had after two years, just that’s the nature of the beast, I was downsizing my package to keep the wife as close to her package as possible, I was also going with a Microsoft phone similar to what I have for work possibly the best phone I have ever had, mind you I am a luddite, but you already knew that.

The wife and daughter turn up at the allotted time we go to the shop, I thought the wife was going to burst into tears she was so happy, I actually got the better deal because the actual phone I wanted wasn’t available online (where I was doing my reconnaissance for the new deal) in the shop the helpful chap said ah we don’t do that line online but we do in store, a result for a change, I’m so lucky I would fall into a barrel of nipples and I would come out sucking a thumb!

So here we are six days after the event and the wife is still seventh heaven, me I’m ok but at the end of the day it’s just a phone, I thought I would do a little blog as I’m working up to do something epic and its taking a little longer than I thought and Now Hear This 2 has to come first, the wife’s at work all day so today shall be music and reading along with a small number of chores I have a hell hound at my feet a shit load of reading materials and a boat load of music. for me that’s a good day I know I ain’t going outside but hey ho one step at a time right? So until next time watch the skies and keep spreading the disease………...Toodles

Monday, 15 August 2016

Don't Fear The Reaper




So here we are day one after seven days of hell, I think I was supposed to wake up happy, guess what I didn’t, I do think however that I did put a brave enough face on, as the wife didn’t beat me about the head and shoulders. The wife was working for most of the week (although not today) so I could feel that this was going to be another week of hatred self-loathing and generally wishing for oblivion. I trudged through the day doing general tasks, stuff that I would normally do, stuff that I have no issue with, the issue was me.  The wife returned from her hunting expedition (Monday is shopping day) and I generally just hid in the darkness of the back room I didn’t do any of the things I intended to do, when it was time to walk up the wooden hill at the end of the night I did so with general misery seeping through my bones. The wife then breaking her phone and then going into strop mode didn’t help my general hate the world mood!

Day two I awoke and to my astonishment I was kind of happy…….OK I mean in my bones I wanted to stay angry, but it simply wasn’t in me, my mood improved after I had some breakfast, did a good deed and took the youngest off on the start of her holiday away from us, I read a little I watched the news a little (I devour the news when I’m off) and generally continued on with my small chores, I ate some more but then the world went all skewwhiff on me, I was asked to go and pay a bill, by myself , all alone, I was thrown from a moving vehicle and I rolled into the post office right into the queue with the old dears, damn I even had cold hard cash in my hand, to pay a bill, I could have gone ballistic in Barry’s Bargains (please don’t ask) I stood my ground and did as I was asked and then ambled back home still in a reasonable mood, how was this happening especially after the doom laden Monday, I have no idea.

 Day three I awoke to sunlight and again surprisingly more general happiness, not wanting to break into song happiness, not wanting to skip down the street, but kind of ok with myself (WTF)  again I was given another task to complete straight away I went back into grumpy mode, but in reality it was all a show , I got on with the job in hand and then just got back on with the day in hand read a little watched a little and then ate a little something and it wasn’t head buried in the fridge eating crap type of eating it was healthy and at proper meal times, I was starting to worry.

Day four was meant to be a joyous time, I had been tipped the wink about a great little farm shop in the area, so we had agreed that I would take the wife out on her one day off for breakfast and a waltz around the farmyard, I had done all of the reconnaissance, the one thing I couldn’t find was prices (not a good sign) I just didn’t want to turn up like tramp begging cup in hand and having to use my card to hide my financial embarrassment, yup you guessed it I had to use the card it was lovely , it just wasn’t cheap, again I’m not complaining its very rare that me and the wife do this kind of thing, it was a nice change, she even got to see the little piggy’s in the sty, of course I killed the mood when wondered out loud “wonder which is next for breakfast” then a jaunt around the local country roads which confirmed to the wife she is married to a country bumpkin, the rest of the day was more of the same, reading a little, watching a little and definitely eating some more, happiness levels were at around 40 - 45% which for me is pretty damn good.

Friday came and gathered pace but I wasn’t done in the dumps, and that shocked me, I even tried to tempt myself into misery I simply couldn’t do it damn what the hell is wrong with me, we picked the daughter up from her jolly jaunt and soon we all ensconced into our happy little home.

Saturday unfortunately turned up with a bog black dog something I wasn’t happy to see, that Black dog showed no mercy and Saturday I was back to being Mr Misery, no change there then but it was something I wasn’t expecting, even the start of the football season couldn’t cheer me up I had to wait 48 minutes until Charlie Nicholas said “Situation” (again don’t ask unless you are sad and really want to know). The day dragged on and even the arrival for a visit from the Hurricane did little to raise my spirits although I do try a little harder when he’s here, he’s too young to know how shit life is when you get older (although after the hand he has been dealt with I think he already knows) once more I was glad to be climbing the wooden hill.

Sunday I opened one eye in the vain hope that there would be no black dog, thankfully there wasn’t, there must have been some kind of residue as the wife was concerned enough to ask me if I was alright, and she wanted to enjoy her day off with her melancholy husband, once the Hurricane had been returned home and the Kraken had had some face time the wife decided that because we weren’t doing a good deed for the youngest (plans change on a minute to minute basis with her) she would treat me to lunch! We opted for our local spoons and the wife got an alcoholic drink for a change, me I went for lime & soda, I suffered for it soon afterwards, we had forgotten that spoons don’t do a traditional Sunday dinner and there was over a dozen places to go but that meant taking the car, so we tucked into steak and kidney pie with chips and peas and it was quite lovely, as always me time with the wife makes me that little bit happier.

Arriving home and declaring to the world that I intended to blog as the Lime from the lime and soda went through me like a freight train (I like it strong but I think there might have only two or three drops of actual soda water in the glass) I spent the rest of the afternoon being reminded exactly what my arse is actually for, thankfully by early evening it had died down but I felt like a shot puppy for the rest of the day and was glad yet again to hit the hay.

This morning I woke up kicking myself that the blog hadn’t been done and that I hadn’t won the lottery so that meant I had to go to work, thankfully the wife was getting her new phone tonight and hopefully that will make her once again (I doubt that……..coming dear). So that’s the blog and it wasn’t the ball of misery I thought it was going to be, I’m generally miserable because we are living on the bare bones of our pants (I know do the crime do the time) but I don’t work as hard as what I do, just to get as little as what I actually get, the wage is ok it’s the paying of bills and buying food that I’m not exactly happy about, my next holiday and I’m determined not to be writing another blog of general unhappiness and being stuck in the house I want at least one out of body experience, so until next time ……Toodles!

Monday, 8 August 2016

Doctor Doctor


Another week rolled into town and as always with a week from hell (7days in a row) things soon turned too poop, things that technically were out of my hands, but shit has to roll downhill and this time it stopped at my front door!

Because work (for once) was so crap I’m simply going to try and forget it I now have seven days leave, I intend to try and relax (yes I know virtually impossible with my posse) right in the middle of last week I had a hospital appointment, I think it’s that particular day that I will try and describe, not a particularly good day but better than the rest.

I had gone to my doctor with an issue (non diabetes related) and he had prescribed some medication and it worked, simply cleared up the issue, woo hoo I hear you all cry, I knew it wasn’t meant to be a permanent fix but hey ho with everything else in my line of sight it was soon forgotten about, take the tablet issue has gone……. well not quite! Earlier in the year it reared its ugly (and allegedly it is very ugly) head again, so off I went expecting to have my dosage upped, however the doctor I saw was the one who had been missing my diabetes for eight years, so instead of just upping the dose, “I want some tests done” he declared! Now I wasn’t happy at all.

We waited (me and my wife who is my social secretary and the person who deals with all of my appointments and social gatherings) and a letter finally arrived giving us a choice of 4 places to attend one being over 30 miles at one end of the spectrum with another one being literally a mile from my door (you can see where this heading can’t you) yes that’s right even though I requested the closest hospital they sent me to the furthest, I then unleased my mini kraken (the wife) and thankfully got the appointment that I required, although I was put to the back of the queue and made to wait 8 weeks, the day finally came and I left work to head back to Gimpsville to arrive on time for my appointment, with a cascade of crap going on around me I knew what was coming but I was grateful of the reprise.

I managed to get home earlier than expected a quick wash and a change I checked the time table for my preferred plague carrier of the day I had a choice get there really early or get there just on time I opted for the earlier option, seven minutes later I am walking through the doors of the hospital, directed to a huge waiting area within seconds I was whisked away to another smaller area, where  upon I had the usual little things done (Weight Height etc) and then I waited, and then waited some more, all the while watching as all of the staff did sponsored walks, have you ever noticed how all of the staff just walk in circles they must cover miles, there was a guy who must have been a porter and holy crap he was of Olympic standard. Then there was a person who I thought was my doctor who scuttled off and didn’t reappear, however the nursing staff kept on walking and walking.

By now I’m annoyed (because I was early) at the world and everything else, and the little waiting room is starting to fill up, and my paranoid angry head is starting to fill my head with notions of running for it! and the nursing staff kept walking around, sometimes with bits of paper and other pieces of hospital paraphanalia, all the while my paranoia was feeding itself, no back up support I was there by myself and I wanted to get the hell out of dodge, still I waited (the curse of turning up early) punctuality is a disease with me, then the anointed hour was upon us and still no sign of my appointment being called. More staff walking and at this point I really was getting ready to bolt, then I had to put up with “it’s a lovely day isn’t it?”  “no” was the reply to which they reversed course muttering how horrible I was, out of the corer of my eye I saw the person who I thought was the doctor skulking back, late grrr and still I waited, I was watch watching and giving myself just 5 more minutes, then the most handsome doctor in the world walked in and he knew it, if he’s my doctor I was going to blast him for being late, literally I was called soon after to find out it was skulky boy, I won’t go into details I had the appointment and was nearly out the door just as the consultant asked “for a full raft of tests” just to be sure (the bastard) I then got called back for a blood test (with a needle that could have been used in Zulu it was so bloody big) I then trotted (yes you read that right this little piggy trotted)out of the hospital and hopped back onto a plague carrier (empty thankfully) and 7 minutes later I walked through the front door, still wondering why the nurses did all that walking.

The wife returned from work not very well (it was later discovered she hadn’t taken her medication in the morning ……. silly woman) life wasn’t a bowl of cherries at that moment, but I cooked for everybody and we enjoyed a nice meal in our own little way, me brooding over life the universe and everything, the wife in her poorly little ways and the youngest in whatever mood she was in, you can never tell she is so much like me she runs silent and runs deep!

I spent the rest of the night bopping from point to point and not really relaxing, I wrote the salient points of the blog to be worked on over the weekend, I read a little and eventually ended up watching Iron Maiden live at Wacken, back to work the next day and then the weekend which I was dreading simply because I hate dealing with stupid people, thankfully none turned up until I was literally walking out the door, they were given short shrift although it did grumble on when I got home it was nothing to worry about as I did my usual impression of a zombie in a chair!

Today is the start of my 7 days off, the wife is at work for most of it and I can already see that I’m going to fester, broke already at the beginning of the month and certain people don’t seem to care they just keep piling on the pressure, yeah it’s probably best if the wife is at work and the youngest goes off on her little jaunt, I have the seeds of destruction in my pocket, its times like these I used to go walkabout so not to upset anybody, I don’t have that option anymore so I have to suffer the consequences, hopefully I will turn the corner and the black dog will have fucked off, here’s hoping  until the next one Toodles!

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Blind


The blog has gone quiet (again the summer malaise is upon us) numbers are still evident , just slow on the uptake (no not like me) it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to blog, it just means that I’m not going to get upset on the those (damned) numbers, Now Hear This 2 which is planned  should maybe be with us next week , I’m trying to be (too bloody clever for my own good) extra careful  on the questions because I don’t want a repeat of the first session and it’s amazing that some people have sent through the same questions as the last time (Nils I ignored them for a reason and I did answer two so why send the same list?).

Work has been kind this week still busy; I simply took my foot off the gas and kept as low a profile as I could, I again was blind to some people who saw me, but I didn’t see them ( I told you I was blind) but it was nice to have a little chat and even to be questioned on the blog as it would appear they both read the bloody thing (WTF) word does spread, Wednesday I was off , my usual  appointment to have my eyeballs photographed for my diabetes, I forgot to take some sunglasses with me, so when I came out I turned into the white Stevie wonder, well ok I can’t sing as well as him and he  has more dress sense!  The day turned into a comedy of errors as the youngest kept walking me off kerbs and then telling me far too late ….”Ooops kerb” what have I done to deserve these trials and tribulations?

A nice lovely meal (although the chicken was as dry as boot leather) it was still good to get out and about with the family, the day in reality was a welcome break in mid-week. Back to work on the Thursday, tipping the wife out of bed to get me there slightly early, as I had a training course to rewrite (for the specific audience) literally 30 minutes before they arrived, thankfully all went well, and to a responsive audience. The day continued on in a good mood until I had to leave, then I had to endure a pack of rats that were being thrown out of my place of work, which plague carrier did they get on, yes you guessed it mine, thankfully they weren’t too bad and they only stayed on a for less than half of the journey. I had made a rookie mistake in so much that I had not taken my MP3 player so I had to endure the sounds of the great unwashed!

The night disappeared quickly as I once again fell asleep in my new throne which I had a premonition that it would help curb these sleep addictive nights, what a surprise I was wrong and yes literally 30 minutes after eating my head is drooping, thankfully I have stopped the drool running from my mouth, but I feel so annoyed (mainly with myself) that I am wasting daylight, as always I have a number of cunning plans, going forward let’s see if they come to fruition. I know I haven’t had enough music in my life something I intend to correct this coming weekend if the hurricane will afford me some time to have a waking moment to myself.

Back to work today and I am in deep meditation mode because people have let us down and the people I am helping feel terrible (no need to) as the arranged it, not a problem I will have revenge when they finally turn up, then it will be a mad scrambled to complete everything that need to be completed by close of play and then some taxing and exploration of Mordor as the wife has to go and work there over the next week, cunning plans and the such like to put into action and then hey ho into a weekend before another seven days of hell!

Mental health training is being offered at work and I have volunteered to be the champion hopefully some of my issues will give me an insight to being able to help others, it’s something I’m actually looking forward to doing. Friday struggled on and if I’m honest it was annoying, annoying tasks, annoying people and me generally starting to fixate and hate people, I was over the moon when the wife rang and said “get your arse in the car, we are out of here” we drove home to collect the youngest to take her to a friend’s birthday party , while we were there the wife opened some post and went atomic, I won’t bore you with the details other than a bill that’s been paid they say we have then they say we haven’t then they say we have it’s all done and dusted we receive a letter to say that it’s done and dusted and then yesterday we receive one that states nope you still owe us a gazillion pounds, thankfully the wife couldn’t get through even though she tried for 30 minutes, maybe it was just as well, hey ho I come downstairs this morning and she’s at it again only to find out that yay they have lost the money, yep that’s right the money we paid into a bank to pay the bill, at least she was calm and level headed and an absolute delight, a lady is going to investigate and ring her back on Monday ………watch this space!

After dropping the daughter off me and the wife decided fish and chips were the order of the day we headed to the best chip shop in Gimpsville and can I just say it was AWESOME! We both sat and ahem cough splutter blinked for long periods of time just in time to go and collect the youngest from the party and drop here off at the krakens, just as well as the kraken was poorly but wasn’t going to tell us, why well that’s just the way she is, again another story for another blog. Back home well after the witching hour and I was so jealous of all the posts on Farcebook of all my friends who had gone to see BOC in London, yes you read that right I so jealous, but in a strange way happy that they had enjoyed themselves.

Once more to climb the wooden hill and it didn’t see more than a blink in the eye before the cock crowed (behave) and we were once again in the land of the living it was then and only then that the wife dropped a bombshell, telling me that I had to go and pick up my own prescription ……wait for it ……….by myself……………...WTF! believe it or not I was indeed shell shocked, I was trying to think of any excuse not to do it, to no avail she swept out of the house to go to work, my dilemma was I now just had to argue with myself, unfortunately I lost, but I was determined to be there and back as quickly as possible three minutes there, one minute at the chemists, three minutes back, hopefully I won’t make eye contact with anybody and I will be safe in my shell in under ten minutes!

I couldn’t win an arse kicking contest versus a one-legged man, I left the house, got to the chemist “ah the Chemist would like a word” why? what for? what have I done? can I leg it before she comes over? all this running through my mind in a split second, too late she asked me to follow her to a little room, panic mode not sure what to do, I was going to leg it but a mum and her stupid triple sized buggy got in the way , can this short fat bearded cripple jump the buggy? Of course I can’t I’m not going to brazil for the Olympics what a moron! then in the room only to be told it was a simple review of my medication to make sure that there’s no side effects (what like rampant paranoia you mean?  where the hell did that come from) once calm I became the cool casual gentleman that everybody thinks that I am (allegedly)I then walk briskly back from the chemists all in 15 minutes, those additional five minutes took years from my life I can tell you!

There’s the blog and that seems to be the mood of the week laid back as much as possible, thank you for all your kind comments and Dave Robinson we have our eye on you being nice to Mick Wall we know your game, oh hang on a second you were very nice about my books as well ooops until the next one, enjoy the summer I think it’s due on a Tuesday this year…………….Toodles!

Monday, 25 July 2016

The Devil Made Me Do It!


Time moved on as did the world spinning out there in the darkness, me I had promised another blog so I had better pull my finger out!

I thought I had discovered a great set of headphones for the plague carrier, I was unhappy with the ear buds that I had been using, I was so wrong they were too small for my petite ears (no I do not look like a copy of the FA Cup) they soon wound their way to the youngest, disappointment raised its ugly head I would just have to make do with the fabulous sport of bus seat bingo! But more of that in a while, as I had said life moved on, the yard furniture was sorted out and we tried it out at least once, the others may have tried it a bit more, hey ho that’s the summer done isn’t it?

Somewhere along the way a friend reached out, they weren’t having the best of times thankfully after we had conversed there seemed to be some light at the end of the tunnel, it’s not just me that has issues, if you can lend a hand do so you never know when you might need a friendly shoulder to lean on, then up the wooden stairs to my pit later than I normally would, but a good deed does need to be done.

The next morning, I was already at the plague carrier preparing for an Olympic effort in bus seat bingo I was attempting a six seat segue, its where you pick a seat that will cause the most upset on an early bus, a journey that people have been making for so long that they consider that seat to be their own, well seat picked it was hilarious to see that their heads nearly exploded, I then waited until that the bus was in motion and I moved seats “because the sun was in my eyes” the driver doesn’t see me make my move but he does see the six people scuttling to snatch there coveted thrones back, he slammed the brakes on and has a right hissy fit , I struggled so much to keep my giggle fit in, I’m not positive but I’m sure a little wee escaped, funny yes, however I just might need the use of the FBI to protect me again lol.

Back to work and the pace picked up, twice I went to work wearing my reading glasses this renders me nearly blind, so people who know me have to jump out in front of me, even then I know I still struggle to confirm that it’s actually me that they are waving (sorry Brother Norm) at, I can only hang my head in shame, hahaha and I do quite frequently, you really do have to rugby tackle me if you want my attention, if my own mother was still she would testify to that fact!

A duty manager shift thankfully flew over and then the coveted weekend was here, I was still reeling from the effects of the tonsillitis and to make matters worse early Saturday morning (about three ish) I experienced the worst case of calf cramps, as I pirouetted around our cramped bedroom trying to make as little noise as possible as we had the Hurricane staying, I literally cried with the pain, here we are on Monday night still in pain but the wife put on her nurses uniform on and massaged my calf’s informing me I had a huge stiffness in my left leg (down boys & girls) what a fantastic job she did, life keeps kicking me in the bollocks with all of these “Little Gifts” I do believe I have exclaimed in the past “getting old is shit”

Saturday I sulked and hobble around the house in pain, but cunning plans were afoot and they did indeed perk me up, now I need to collate weather information as a part of my job at work and for the last 6 days I was being told that Sunday was indeed going to be “Rainy” however my sources from the Shields posse were telling the wife “no come on down it will be fine”! You can see where this is going can’t you, well actually as we left Gimpsville it was actually alright however it got grimmer as we headed to the coast, it did fair up but it means that we had to change cunning plan number 3247, we went to Porters (come on boys and girls it will always be Porters) for lunch it was fab but I felt guilty as I didn’t want a pudding so I felt like I guilted everybody else, not the case, I was honestly just full, meal over we headed to the coast (I mean further along the coast) not before driving past Bents Park to see if we could get Mr Tony Hadley (as he was playing) to sing Musclebound to no avail! I thought I stood a chance, mind you if I can’t get the Buckets to do California Man without bribing them with Jagermiester, I didn’t have a burger to throw at Mr H , I kept a stiff upper lip we ended up at Marsden and we decided to have an ice cream then ended up following the imperial Japanese army as they tried to invade the caves of (Okinawa) Marsden grotto and we had another drink (non-alcoholic) because we are good boys and girls (cough splutter) the crack flowed and we ended back at the lair of the royal flight, and for some reason I was really popular with the royal hounds!

An introduction to Lucifer (oh fuck not you two again) and the day was done we headed back to Gimpsville and yes the weather actually had been good, well for the time of the year what were you expecting the sky to be split? Off to bed and then back to work today which to put bluntly my get up and go had got up and fucked right off, I di plenty I just didn’t really enjoy it, strange that because I do love my job! So that’s the blog, keep spreading the disease, numbers are good not great (they all die off in the summer for some reason) more coming soon but until then enjoy your life, this ain’t a practise you only get one go, and if you can help a soul please do you will find that it makes you feel so much better, until the next time Toodles!

Sunday, 17 July 2016

Sue Lawley (So Lonely)



Here I am on day four of what appears to becoming a five-week cycle, tonsillitis and generally feeling crap, don't get old kids it stinks, I have been suffering on and off since I was a kid with tonsillitis, it seems to rear its ugly head usually when I have tons of work on, I haven't lost any time off work yet, that's basically because it tends to hit me at the back end of the week as I crawl over the finish line.

A wedding last week and a birthday this week, well it appears that me and the Mrs. have a social life again, actually that's not quite so true, my friendly disease hit me Thursday night and I struggled through Friday, I managed to crawl home and surprise surprise all I wanted to do was sleep, I awoke with a set of bulldog's bollocks at the back of my throat (I know not a nice thought) with a ton of gunk around them, I spent most of the morning trying to get rid of it and  then most of the afternoon sleeping it off, not very successful either, the wife finally gave in trying to bully me into going, I had no intention of spoiling anybody's night, so I sent the youngest with the wife I knew she would help keep the Karaoke party going until the early hours, me I contemplated my navel and wondered how I was going to do the blog.

I had noticed last week at the wedding how well people integrated families, friends and acquaintances, how easy it was for them, not so much for me, admittedly it was whilst there was a disco blasting away but I noticed how separated from the pack I was, now this isn't a whoa is me blog, I just noticed how different I have become over the last ten - fifteen years, hell I used to burst through the doors and try to be the centre of attention (shy people do that) these days I feel very disconnected, again not in a bad way, I'm just not that kind of person anymore, I'm not a natural hugger(go figure), I don't do kisses I'm a definite hand shake kind of a guy, I didn't realize how I became this kind of person, I was always the introducer the go to jokey person, the jumping jack, now I just fade into the background, at the sight of a camera I do a great Lord Lucan impersonation, definitely a face for radio.

I love my family my wife my kids my grandkids, and I do tell them frequently, I just don't get the touchy feely kind of things that occurs, I hope in later years if my family find these blogs I hope they don’t get too shocked by reading this, I love them all with my heart I just don’t know how to connect like other people do, I don’t make friends easily, I suspect that I never did, but the friends that I have I’m fiercely protective of them all and yes there’s that word again I do indeed deeply love them, they do indeed help my world turn each and every day, all the while I feel as though I shrink  myself every single day, I pine for the days when I really didn’t give a rats shit these days it appears that I do, I’m not jealous of anybody and their ability to reach out to the world and the friends and family truth be told I’m just a little in awe that’s all, is that a bad thing?

I don’t do cliques like some of our acquaintances do, hey it’s all good, good luck to you and yours but I left school a long time ago and I never played the game then, I have no intention of doing it now the game is to treat people humanly not to try and get to the top of a hill, that’s a sad empty place I can tell you, maybe I do prefer my own company a little too much there’s nothing better than sitting around listening to some fierce craic, that’s a connection I can get, my encroaching deafness isn’t helping matters or is that the main cause who knows?

As I said earlier don’t feel sad for me I don’t, I just hadn’t noticed the change that crept up on me, is this the hand of old age starting to reach out and touch my shoulder is my time drawing to a close, I don’t feel like it is but you never know, I just want to let anybody who is interested know I tried my best every day! I have noticed my black cloud getting a little closer is that because I’m a tad more fragile at the moment or does it think it can take advantage of my defense’s being just a tad loose, well let the sneaky thing creep up on me because I will kick its black lined arse I ain’t going down without a fight! The title crept into my mind after watching a rock goes to college gig on YouTube, which I sadly remembered watching on a black and white TV in the family abode all of those years ago and it does sound like they are singing “SUE LAWLEY” and if English isn’t your mother tongue life is too short to explain what the hell I’m going on about! Hell even I don’t know half of the time!

Well another blog done and as soon as the numbers fall of for this one there will be another “Now hear this” style of blog I have about 15 questions picked so there is plenty of time to get some more in if you so desire, I hope that nobody thought that this was an unhappy blog it wasn’t the intention, with the exception of the lurgy I feel pretty good mentally (I have jinxed myself haven’t I?) so here’s to the next one I hope you are all in good health, enjoy life because it’s the only one we get, until the next time Toodles!

Sunday, 10 July 2016

The Long Run




Ok so the world took a breath I posted my 300th blog and the world kept turning, I took some time to take a breath as the blog although quite frivolous for such a milestone, (that was my mood) I felt I had to simply as things of late had been way too serious and I didn't want everybody to feel like I was losing the will............to blog!

So here we are 301 and where do I start from, well right on from where we left off in blog 299, we were on holiday and sort of getting along well that was until we did our usual amount of bickering, life wouldn't have worth writing about without a small amount of bickering..........well it wouldn't would it? we pottered on and I bought some yard furniture, well it said garden furniture but we don't have a garden, so yard it was, the weather conspired against us (a couple of weeks later we still haven't had the opportunity mind you it is only July! the week plodded on until the Saturday (this blog was originally going to be called Lady go figure) the one thing I wanted to do was go see G & E because it had been an age (hence the title) since we had seen them, with it being G's birthday we took the step of organising a little get together.

We arrived at the appointed time just as G & E arrived from the opposite direction, it really did fill my joy tanks to see two of the nicest people in the world pop into view, thankfully we arrived as the Wouldhave was nearly empty so we had the pick of all of the seats, we soon picked our seats and tucked into a pint of the black stuff and ordered food, no sooner than the food had turned up but so had Campbell and G Bucket and the conversation soon veered off into the land of whimsical and mythical simply they could be the new Hinge and Bracket (if you do not know who they are look them up they will be on YouTube) bickering together I actually thought it was a mirror of me and the wife, that was until Campbell came up with a fantastic Phrase which was designed to shut Glen Bucket up and it did Sheep Bleat Follow .............BAA! it was so wonderful but I bet they have both forgotten about it forever!

E was concerned that I intended to blog about our evening and truth be told I was (hence the title Lady ....because she is one as she admitted to us all) going to but if I'm honest I simply enjoyed the evening because we so rarely get to see them at this moment, and if you see her please let her know that I never mentioned her  lady garden although she did throughout the night, frankly it was bordering on an obsession and nothing to do with her meal in anyway shape or form, G ended the night with a few wee cheeky fellows (well you have to do don't you?)and the night was over way too soon, I suppose that's why you need to savour them!

A slow drive home, well we didn’t hit warp factor two! I had a cunning plan the next morning to cut my hedge and I roused everybody from their golden slumbers to harry and chivvy them along, however in my haste and with 80% of the hedge cut I sliced through the bloody cable (again ….third year running) I had to complete it by hand but the youngest was fab and the wife turned just as we finished, well ok just before we had as she had sauntered off on foot to buy some black bags for the rubbish, go on then she kind of helped, then I spent the day preparing the blog as I intend to publish it in the middle of the week, and then the world turned, the 300th blog took off with a sprint and well work got me by the soft fleshy bits and didn’t stop until the audit just over a week ago.

I then needed some time to recharge my mental batteries as I was exhausted, I’m not a fan of this getting old malarkey! I continued through the week dodging bullets and other random acts of violence and other psychotic episodes with the wife (we bought a new sofa ….please don’t ask as it’s a blog all in its self but hopefully we will soon be finished then I will blog I just don’t wish to incriminate the wife if anybody gets it in the neck) then thankfully we arrived at the weekend and a delightful invitation to a wedding and so last night we descended on the reception in the same room that we started courting (is that even a saying anymore) and we had a  good night was had by all, seeing peeps we hadn’t seen in a while, I have to admit it’s not my forte as a rule, I can’t hear a bloody thing or I don’t know anybody! well I did know people I just couldn’t hear I was also suffering a bit of dodgy stomach as well (not to go into too many details I was fine but I avoided the food which looked wonderful) the music was all right but it was wedding music designed to get people on the dance floor which it did. I declined the food and the wife did as she was asked but she brought some quiche (my absolute fave) and teases me, she’s lucky I didn’t pinch it off her plate (greedy bitch that she is).

We arrived home after a great night with some cunning plans organised for the future (please see my social secretary) up earlyish to get the youngest back to Carlisle with a car full we only forgot the food (D’oh) she is only there a couple of days earning some needed funds to sustain her social life, the wife soon pissed me off hey ho it must be Sunday! Deed done we came home and I dozed see it must be Sunday, once my blogging task is complete I will lunch (bangers and mash if anybody is interested) the tile of the blog well I have been listening to a lot of this band lately and I realise that I am indeed here for the long run, you don’t just do 300 blogs for the hell of it, or do you? Normal service will resume as I still have to catch up with the rest of the year, thanks for all of the nice comments so here go for the next hundred until the next time ……………Toodles!