Broken Promises.

The promise was simple: work hard, stay loyal, and retirement would take care of itself. Decades later, that contract lies in pieces, and an entire generation is walking away from jobs that stopped delivering years ago. Why?

Clocking in for thirty years straight earned gold watches in the 1980s. Today, it earns redundancy when quarterly earnings dip. Companies preached family values while treating employees like disposable assets, and workers who gave everything got nothing back when times get tough.

Defined benefit plans vanished overnight, replaced by market-dependent retirement accounts that crashed spectacularly—twice. Employers shifted risk entirely onto employees, who watched their nest eggs shrink during the dotcom bust and the 2008 housing collapse while executive bonuses continued to climb.

The 1987 Black Monday crash hit early in careers. The 2001 recession struck during prime earning years. Then, the 2008 financial crisis devastated both home equity and retirement funds. Each recovery demanded starting over, and resilience wore thin after rebuilding the same financial foundation three separate times.

Output doubled through technology adoption and process improvements. Headcount still dropped during every reorganization. Surviving colleagues absorbed eliminated positions without additional compensation, working harder for companies that rewarded efficiency with redundancy notices rather than raises or job security.

Salaries allegedly increased roughly 10% over two decades while housing costs tripled in most areas. Groceries and university tuition for your kids outpaced income growth by staggering margins. Real purchasing power declined steadily, so the same job title afforded progressively less each year despite experience gains.

Premium contributions for private healthcare (if you didn’t have it in your salary package at work) that once cost £50 monthly now exceed £500 for family coverage in some cases even more. Deductibles simply climbed to hundreds of pounds before insurance pays anything. Prescription costs, specialist visits, more people are paying for private care simply because they can’t get seen by an NHS that is being raped by Management and outside contractors, they soon realise  surprise billing transformed healthcare from a benefit into a financial burden that devours pay checks faster than rent.

New technology like Pagers seemed intrusive in 1995. Smartphones made escape impossible by 2010. Employers expected instant email responses at 9 pm and vacation accessibility. The boundary between professional obligations and personal time dissolved completely, and this left workers perpetually on call without overtime compensation or mental health considerations.

Telecommunications, banking, retail, and manufacturing consolidated relentlessly. Each merger announcement triggered layoff rumours that usually proved accurate. Duplicate departments got "streamlined," which meant experienced workers training their replacements before receiving redundancy packages that barely covered mortgage payments until the next position materialized—if one materialized.

CV’s that date from the 1980s got filtered out by applicant tracking systems. Interview panels questioned whether older candidates could "keep up" with workplace changes. Promotions went to younger employees with flashier presentations rather than veterans with proven track records.

Fresh graduates with theoretical knowledge supervised professionals who'd navigated actual crises for decades. New bosses dismissed institutional wisdom as resistance to change and implemented strategies that veterans recognized as failed initiatives repackaged with buzzwords. Expertise became irrelevant when leadership prioritized youth over competence.

Productivity soared from home offices during lockdowns, destroying decades of management assumptions about supervision requirements. Commutes vanished, meetings shortened, and output increased—yet companies demanded returns to cubicles anyway. The charade became obvious: offices existed for control, not performance, and workers resented the transparent power play.

Retirement projections sometimes show income falling short of the lifestyle once promised. After factoring in healthcare, inflation, and longevity, some Gen X workers see limited payoff in staying longer. Instead, they leave demanding roles early, simplify living expenses, and rely on work to bridge the gap.

Caring for old parents while supporting adult children creates a financial squeeze unique to Gen X. Medical needs demand time and flexibility, while unstable employment and student debt keep adult kids dependent longer. Faced with constant strain, some Gen X workers reduce hours or exit the workforce earlier to regain control.

Offering to help with Student loans by co-signing loan agreements ( I know some people who have and the kids simply walked away and left the parents with the debt to pick up) doesn’t trigger retirement by itself (not that I would know, I couldn’t afford to offer any financial assistance as I am a one wage family), but it reshapes the timeline. When adult children struggle with payments, Gen X parents try to absorb financial risk that complicates long-term planning. Some choose earlier exits, downsizing, or career pivots to regain control before defaults threaten savings or credit stability.

Performative busyness replaced actual achievement as the primary success metric. Staying late signalled dedication regardless of output quality. Elaborate presentations mattered more than project outcomes. Workers who delivered results efficiently got overlooked while colleagues who mastered workplace theatre earned promotions.

Arbitrary age cutoffs dismiss professionals at peak competence. Skills accumulated over decades get discarded based on birth certificates rather than performance evaluations, as I found out after 35 years’ service with my previous employers. Forced exits eliminate institutional knowledge while younger replacements struggle through learning curves that retiring workers could have shortened, wasting organizational resources through unnecessary turnover.

Software replaced roles that once required human judgment and specialized training. Manufacturing positions disappeared due to robotics. Customer service moved to chatbots. Administrative functions got absorbed by algorithms. Career expertise became obsolete overnight. The result? Workers scrambling to reinvent themselves professionally.

Evaluation systems measured easily quantifiable data points while ignoring meaningful impact. Box-checking exercises replaced substantive feedback about value delivered. Subjective ratings from managers determined raises and promotions despite a disconnect from real accomplishments. The process reduced complex professional contributions to spreadsheet entries that captured nothing important about actual work quality.

Mastering new software platforms every few years wasn't enough when entire industries transformed overnight. Technologies learned last decade became irrelevant this quarter. And training budgets disappeared while job requirements expanded constantly. Those who built careers on specific expertise found themselves repeatedly starting over.

Hiring committees asked about favourite apps and weekend activities instead of discussing problem-solving capabilities. Decades of industry knowledge were lost to candidates who matched superficial cultural preferences. Experience became a liability framed as inflexibility. Gray hair in interview rooms triggered assumptions about technological incompetence regardless of actual digital fluency or professional accomplishments.

Traffic congestion doubled over twenty years while salaries remained flat. Fuel prices also fluctuated wildly. Parking fees climbed alongside real estate values. Two hours daily spent sitting in cars or crowded trains and buses represented unpaid work time that they never factored into hourly wage calculations or quality of life considerations.

Cubicle walls came down in the name of collaboration to replace privacy with constant noise and interruption. The issue with these settings is that now, phone conversations from thirty desks compete for attention simultaneously. Concentration became impossible when every sneeze and keyboard click echoed across warehouse-style floors.

Contract positions replaced permanent employment across industries previously known for stability. Benefits disappeared as companies reclassified employees as independent contractors. Steady pay checks gave way to variable income streams dependent on platform algorithms and client availability. The employment model that once provided security transformed into something resembling perpetual temp work with fancy branding.

Career advancement meant uprooting your family from established jobs and selling homes in down markets to move. Relocation packages shrank or vanished entirely while housing costs in corporate hub cities climbed beyond reach. Choosing family stability over professional growth has become common when companies refused to accommodate geographic preferences.

Decades of service offered zero protection when revenue projections dipped. Workers who sacrificed family time and personal health for corporate success got terminated via Zoom calls. Seniority and performance records became irrelevant during workforce reductions guided solely by spreadsheet formulas. The final lesson in corporate priorities arrived through impersonal video conferences.

Am I bitter about life in general, no I don’t think I am, however this blog was created due to a conversation I had with someone from my previous place of work who is proud of the new system of working, any place of work who can lose over 120 years of experience overnight from three people, when the rest of the team (that’s seventeen of them) don’t even have 100 years between them says just about everything you need to know, as of today I have 2048 days until I retire, and I simply cannot wait!

This reflection isn’t driven by bitterness, but clarity. With retirement in sight, the excitement comes not from what’s left to give—but from finally being done with a system that broke its promise long ago.

Holiday – 3.

Day 10.

It didn’t go well, I had another shit night’s sleep, I was up at 02.17am, I was hoping to finally get some sleep on this holiday, its simply beating me over the head, as I now sit and wait for the sun to come up and for the wife to wake up (lucky mare) extra sleep simply isn’t going to happen so I will simply have to grin and bear it (hopefully).

We had made some cunning plans for the day ahead, I needed to be on the ball to gather up all of the spinning plates, the painkilling tablets and creams simply weren’t doing anything, barely no relief at all, and I was suffering. I had considered alcohol, but that simply makes me hungry not sleepy, I was though definitely returning to being grumpy! Let’s see how the day goes, once the wife was up we had some breakfast, and then ordered a car (its starting to be habit forming but strangely cheaper than hiring a car) we arrived at the park and the wife went off to do her ride while I waited, and waited to be honest I didn’t mind the longer I waited the longer I could sit, we were glad that we decided we got mobility scooters, we got a pizza for lunch between us and the wandered off to see some Vikings, which although we weren’t doing anything but looking at stuff, it was a pretty cool place well thought out and quite busy. I found a hat and was quite happy for a split second before I realized that “Bob” (see old blogs) was trailing me and was intending to sink his teeth into me, I was lagging and I knew I didn’t have long, when he took a bite he certainly left his mark as I was totally miserable, what made it worse I was trying to hide it from the wife.

I spiralled into general unhappiness and I was snappy with the wife something I regretted straightaway. But “Bob” came back for seconds and he got his pound of flesh, the pain in both my knees and my hip was unbelievable especially as we were sat down, how did I  do this with the kids all those years ago? I continued to be grumpy, snappy at most things and generally just a pain in the arse. What I wanted was some good old painkillers from the USA, I had seen an advert the night before fore some new Advil Capsules and some cream, after the park we went to the nearest Walmart and I got stocked up, this blunted “Bob’s” attack as I kind of melted back into the seat in the Lyft on the way back to the resort, its been well over twelve months since my last episode, I should have realised that he would raise his head, I simply hadn’t wanted it to be on this bloody holiday! I needed to take stock and regroup, definitely an early night for me and damn the consequences, an early start in the morning all for the start of a better day!

Day 11.

What a surprise a weird nights sleep and back to being an intruder in my own bedroom, I still woke early but I did feel happier, washed out because of the drugs and the cream (which did wonders for my hip) I made sure that the wife was up at the appointed time as we were heading to Animal Kingdom to do the Avatar ride (not me) we were on the first bus off site, however when we got there and the queues were huge with an hours waiting time (although they do keep you busy and entertained as you move along) I enjoyed the sunrise and watched squirrels playing/fighting and eating, generally having more fun and mobility than me! I was dragged on a river ride, slow and easy no drops nothing to upset my rapidly declining body and yes, I enjoyed it, but it’s simply not my cup of tea, mind you it was a million times better than the Peter Pan ride from earlier in the week, go figure!

We then had to journey in yet another Lyft to Target as our suggested present for the youngest grandson was proving difficult to track down, Target was nice and kind of sterile, and we succeeded in our mission (only just) but they did have some lovely cookies, they carried very limited stock (Dragon ball Z items) in store but they had loads of great goodies online, I needn’t have gone on the bloody holiday then!

Back to the resort to get changed and off to Disney Springs to go the Irish Bar Raglan Road for a late lunch (we had the lamb and it was the best meal of the entire holiday)and two cheeky pints of Guiness the wife even had a cider her first alcoholic drink in over four years, we had a small wander back through the shops and back to the resort on the buses provided, however I suffered (I watched the drivers dashboard) 8.8 miles back to the resort as nobody took pity on an old man with a stick, I have never known pain like it, however I cut my nose to spite my face rather than having to ask someone to give up their seat, but the looks on their faces as I struggled to get off the bus and held most of the arseholes up said enough, I suffered but I didn’t care I know I shamed a couple of them! To be honest the journey back to the resort took the shine off the day and I was soon looking for the Advil (both formats) and was soon in bed asleep, not for long as we made a small supper in the room, for a very quiet night, I needed it this getting old thing isn’t for me!

Day 12.

A day with a funky start we were intending to watch a fireworks display and a parade, so we could take our own sweet time today, more painkillers as the residual pain from the night before was still there, we were in a better place, so we had lunch in a hotel and then came back to the resort to recharge our batteries and a small lie down (thank god) things were on the up surely nothing bad could affect the day (apart from me) I made sure that I had taken my painkillers in a structured manner to get through the day, walking I can just about manage however standing still absolutely kills me, my ankle (obviously I’m walking funny and not funny ha ha) had now decided to kick in as well, and when all joined in together I knew I wasn’t in for a great night even with the medication helping me.

The park was busy we tried for food but where we wanted was rammed, so I pissed the wife of straight away, I didn’t want fries with anything, I simply avoided everything, and I claimed I would get something later  turns out I didn’t, the wife went for a hot dog and fries, the place is super busy at the best of times, but at this time of night we had definitely miscalculated, getting the food wasn’t an issue getting a seat was, the wife was on the war path, but thankfully we got a seat quite quickly, the wife at this point hated the world and everybody in it, I hadn’t helped matters, but I had enough to contend with!

Fed and watered she went back to simmering hatred as opposed to all out hating, we had a mission to find some Pins (we English would call them badges but not the yanks) for the youngest daughters collection and it seemed we were not going to be very successful, however we triumphed and got them all, by this point I was relying heavily on my stick as I was in real pain and we weren’t going to get a scooter for two hours in the park (something I hate using but I simply couldn’t dismiss it any more)I found a number of suitable perches along the way, something for me to bend my legs and rest, I’m not a huge park fan at the best of times the wife is and I wanted her to have as good a time as she could, she suffers more than me, but she sucks it up better than me , anyway I’m an old cripple who doesn’t do rides, I do however get to people watch and that in itself is great.

The wife did a small ride and then we headed to our spot for the parade, I found somewhere where I didn’t have to stand, and the wife was at the front, of course the parade was fab this was brand new kit not something cobbled together in the seventies, they do know how to do a parade, and then we headed around to the castle for the main attraction, we had seen this online but the wife wanted to experience this first hand, fireworks and projections what could go wrong? A couple of things we couldn’t find a perch so we had to stand and we were actually too close to the front and the fireworks did me in, it was like being back in my old days, if the wife hadn’t marshalled me, I would have legged it, I should have done the math and suggested we stand further back, I was a basket case my first serious PTSD attack in six years , my fault I simply didn’t think, the wife thankfully got me back to the resort, to be honest I was like a zombie, I fell into bed with no drugs and I did sleep weird dreams but I did rest for once, as I went and sank in the bed, I hoped that tomorrow better be a better day!

Holiday Week Two.

Day 7.

Longest night’s sleep in over two months, longest not the best, off for the usual breakfast which did perk me up, just a little, Today marks the halfway mark of the holiday, a day of shopping for the wife, truth be told I feel just a little off, but we soldier on as you have to make every second of every day count not just in the holiday but in real life as well!

Using Lyft again today to get to Vineland Retail Park, we have had good days and bad days here, today was a bit meh, we then had a slow walk across the road to go to Publix to do a little shop for some bits and pieces, bought some pop, some sandwich making bits and pieces as a break from the meals in the resort which are ok if not a little limited, and some Pop tarts then a Lyft back to the resort and to chill, to be honest we are not the spring chickens we used to be and the “little” walk took more out of us because of the temperature, why pop tarts I know lot are going to ask?  simply because I’m addicted to them, especially cold! It is a hot day and a resting day for the pair of us, it’s not just me.

Turn the TV for some background noise, The Fifth Element has just started, well why not we both love it, it was not long before the wife had hit the snooze button she obviously needed it, I wasn’t long after the film ended, its usually me being the first to go, we woke up when it had just started to go dark outside so it was sandwiches and tea for supper, the end of a quiet day, don’t worry we had made cunning plans, but was my body up to it?

 

Day 8.

Weird night sleep, up at stupid o’clock, I even went back to bed around 04.30, and was back up feeling (not) refreshed around 07.00, a quick cooked breakfast and then off to Epic Universe, I was determined to do it on my own two feet, we had decided to split it into two, it was a bit of a hike in from the drop off point, if I was more able bodied it wouldn’t be so bad, not really but my hip had decided to kick in and kick me when I was down, but I pushed on like the hero that I am, The new park looks damn good, spick and span the only issue is there’s not enough cover, give it another year for the plants to grow in and it will benefit from it!

We decided to start in Nintendo world which really was a full on assault on my senses god knows what it would do to a child, it was pretty damn good, there seemed to be a riot going on it wasn’t really it was simply children and adults having a good time, I did a good deed and handed a wallet in, if I had been a bit quicker I could have given back to the person myself, I wasn’t and the staff thanked me profusely almost as if it was theirs, we had a good look at the land but didn’t do any of the rides , some of the times were 100 minutes plus! I don’t do them away, so I wasn’t bothered I did enjoy the merchandise as my credit card will attest to! I do get to people watch, which I do enjoy and I kind of enjoy the family’s have a wonderful time, although it felt like a riot going on, I never heard one child being told off once, a rare thing in any of the parks.

We had a chilled drink and then moved on to Dark Universe (all about the monsters) which was damn good and the wife got to do a ride which she loved, and I didn’t fall out with anybody (I know who knew I could be good) however she rushed off without listening to where I was going to be sat down, thankfully I was vigilant and caught her before she wandered to far, we then went for some food, which was nice but not inspiring, it filled a hole, we then headed back to the pick up point and we had decided when we came back to do day two in Epic Universe we would need Mobility Scooters.

Collecting up all of our goodies we got our Lyft back to our resort had a shower to chill, an evening meal (meatloaf again for me) we then headed back to the room to start plotting, I mean packing!

Day 9.

A decent five hours sleep, I’ll take it as I felt refreshed, I mean I’m still wandering around the room like a bloody Burglar, but I was refreshed so I will take it!

We went out for a Disney Bus to the park choice of the day, the queues were huge and the buses were not forthcoming for our destination we decided to (yes you guessed It) get a Lyft, by the time we actually got to the park all of the scooters were gone this was going to be a long painful day! we trudged around the park, this appeared as though it was going to be the pattern for the day, browsing through numerous merchandise stores, it didn’t look like we were going to see the wife getting on any rides today, we did a few musical bits (which actually were fun) hobbled around a bit more before ending up in the ABC Commissary for lunch, we always seem to come back, here its good and does exactly what it says on the tin. A chicken sandwich with fries (I’m really getting sick of fries) then we hobbled on and it was the hottest day of the mini heatwave that Florida was experiencing, it hit 90 degrees in bloody March, I was a tad hot!

We did another musical show (Villains) which was good but at this point we were very close to simply dropping, we had decided it was enough we hobbled very slowly back to the bus concourse, and then we had to stand in the bus concourse waiting over thirty five minutes for a bus back, it felt like I was home because even in Florida the bus service can be rubbish! We got back to the room I was in pain, I got painkillers and some painkilling cream for my hip, sandwiches for tea/supper, chilling (me in a drug fugue of painkillers how very dare you)hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, did we enjoy ourselves, yes we did, however the temperature and the walking definitely took its toll today!

Holiday One (part 2).

Technical issues and work got in the way of resolving said issues, so the last blog wasn’t complete when published, so here we go again to get it out there!

Day Four.

Four hours sleep (best night in ages) I mean I still feel like crap, but I feel better than yesterday! A light breakfast, for once I’m not so hungry first thing on holiday, I will probably suffer and then gorge later, ( I didn’t) then off to the Magic Kingdom to meet some Princess’s, I made sure I was filled up with painkillers and smeared painkilling cream over both knees and my hip (I really am falling apart). Transport sorted we headed off to the wife’s happiest place on earth (me I’m a bit meh) I’m on holiday, I’m with the wife and I’m not being grumpy for once, the wife was so happy there was water leaking from her eyes, probably because I was with her, funny that, we saw a parade, we did some shopping it was decided not by me, I simply went with the flow, we did all that with time to spare and we were at the designated place for our lunch, but we had an hour to kill before hand so it was decided to go on a ride, I have wanted to have a look at this particular ride  ( I don’t normally do rides) it’s a kids ride (go sue me) its one of the original rides from when the park opened, I agreed with gritted teeth, the wait for the ride was about twenty five minutes (it’s normally around ninety minutes) oh go on then and as soon as we joined the queue it ground to a halt, now I have issues walking but standing still absolutely kills me, we were getting close to the front but I was in total agony and my hip had joined in at this point, I was ready just to quit the line (not as easy as it seems) and we were getting closer to our time slot for lunch even the pain in my knees and hip couldn’t hide the growls from my now starving stomach, all of a sudden there was a surge and we were on the ride, sweeping over the London rooftops of Edwardian London (allegedly I say allegedly because it was virtually pitch black) , three minutes later the ride was over, and the thought that popped into my head was “I have waited twenty nine years to do that parcel of shit”! It was crap it was old it was dark! To be honest I had seen a few vlogs showing the same ride at Tokyo Disney and that is mind blowing, and not simply because of the language barrier, state of the art production compared to a 1971 relic, no comparison, sorry chaps but you have to up your game especially for the money that you charge to get in the parks (the most expensive place on earth not magical).

Thankfully I wasn’t allowed to be grumpy, I was dragged to the castle to have lunch with some Disney Princess’s, yes it was expensive, yes it’s meant for small kids, however even I enjoyed it, the meal was fab, the staff were just as good and the cast were great, would I have done it by myself, no I wouldn’t, but it brought a smile to the wife’s face which in reality is what the holiday was all about. The wife had some pictures taken ( I have the face for radio) and I needed some more painkillers the wait for the ride had wiped me out, I was beyond suffering at this point, we slowly made our way back to the resort and had a very quiet night, apart from the Peter Pan ride it had indeed been a great day, well it was until we went for supper, we both had separate meals towards the end of service and they were both foul, the worst meal in over thirty years of going to the USA, I know it’s a budget resort but the food is usually spot on, this wasn’t, we both ditched it after a couple of mouthfuls, there were plenty of people around us having the same thing, and they were enjoying it, but it didn’t do it for our tastebuds we departed to go to bed and a sad end to a really pleasant day!

Day Five.

Another day and another day of being up at three o clock in the morning, when I go to bed I fall asleep ok, but once I’m awake that’s it I’m awake, I simply can not go back to sleep! It’s starting to get a bit boring now, we headed off to breakfast hungry and nervous but we needn’t have worried as the breakfast was bloody lovely, I needed something substantial a lovely omelette and tatter tots, the wife went with her usual Pancakes and bacon with lots of syrup, the food was back on track.

Fed and watered we were intending to have a lazy day (by our standards) we intended to go visit the “nice” hotels (meaning the ones we simply cannot afford) we bounced between a couple (they were all nice) but the day didn’t end well as I lost a very expensive jumper that I had bought for the wife, I was as sick as a pig as I got to where I thought I had lost it, my stomach sunk as I knew it wasn’t there, and that is why we can’t have nice things, I knew where I had lost it, I had put the bags down to pay for something and simply hadn’t picked up the biggest and most expensive bag that I bought all holiday, the staff were fantastic (thank you Tess and Wanda who went above and beyond the call of duty you don’t normally get outside of Disney) I simply can not sing their praises high enough, Wanda was even able to wangle a free replacement for me, phew I was going to have to buy it again, so that was a bad ending to another pleasant day, was this setting the tone of the holiday and would the wife let me carry anymore bags for the rest of the holiday? Of course she was, under strict supervision of course, what did you think that she was going to carry them lol!

Day Six.

Up early as usual, but my head was in a better frame of mind when I knew that the whole might of the Disney Corporation were looking for the wife’s jumper  and if they didn’t find it they were going supply one free of charge, a quick breakfast (the same as yesterday) and then off to Universal Studio’s let’s see how today goes, the ride there was smooth even though there was loads of traffic.

We enjoyed a good day in the park, I couldn’t walk so we got a mobility scooter for both of us (HOW MUCH????????) the wife has a bad back, I don’t know how she copes at the best of times. It was busy, we were going to the new park later in the week this was the two old parks that’s why we got the scooter, we knew we could do it, but we were sensible enough to know we couldn’t walk it, I wanted to buy a new hat and I found one I liked, I thought I would buy it on the way out, I should have bought it there and then when we went back there was plenty of hats just none my size….bugger! for lunch we went to Krusty Burger and had you guessed a burger and a bloody huge pink donut between us, as always I watched the weather forecast and it claimed that it was going to rain at three o clock, and at one minute past three it rained for fourteen minutes we were both as wet as an otters pocket!

We headed back to the pick up point and had a great drive back, both showered and then walked back slowly to the canteen and I got one of my favourite meals of the holiday meatloaf (no not the singer) with veg, I try and have this at least once every holiday, the wife fancied an ice cream (I was a good boy, I didn’t but I did give her the money for it, but when she got to the till the manager said “that’s on me” a simple act of kindness, I watched it on other nights when he was on the till he did it a number of times and not just to females, people of both sexes of all ages, a simple but you could see the joy it brought to the people receiving them.

Spring comes to the USA tomorrow as the clocks go forward, the wife is already in bed asleep, I’ll be going as soon as I finish my notes for this blog, this wasn’t the perfect day but it was a better one, that’s all I can ask for. Sunday tomorrow, let’s go to a mall and go crazy (I must not buy vinyl, I must not buy vinyl, I must not buy vin…. ooooooh) ah who cares I’m on holiday, let’s see what happens, Tee hee!

Holiday (part one).

So the last holiday that I had (over 18 months ago) I bought a book and scribbled down notes, came home and I hated it, I was happy with my notes, it really wasn’t a fair description of my holiday, I picked and picked until although I had a great time, if you read my thoughts you would have thought that I had hated the bloody thing, I was simply not in a good place at the time, so I decided against publishing it, I’m glad I did that, this year although I wasn’t in a good place before the holiday, I needed it, I had done 8 months of 50 hour weeks, im old and crippled these days it has taken I out of me this time, so I bought a new book and decided to do exactly the same, I did my notes and I’m simply going to type up my notes and not edit it (apart from some spelling) let’s do this!

Day One.

Up early, what a surprise, once the alarm went off, I was no longer padding around the house in the dark, the wife got up, a little sore and stiff (as usual) but she was happy today was the day we were going off on our holiday! I set about my tasks (that I had assigned myself to) Logs for the fire, empty all of the bins, Hoover, do the dishes, and scrub the bathroom from top to bottom cleaning everything, I was in a happier place, the wife had a dental emergency thankfully she was able to get an emergency appointment so while she set about that I fought the cases downstairs, with the state of my knees something that should have took five minutes took closer to twenty, damn I’m getting old.

The youngest daughter was looking after the dog and our house so that was a weight off my mind, upon arrival we did our pre flight checks regarding when the bins go out what food was in the house where the emergency money had been left, what needed to be done and when (specifically the dog). We fed the dog and wife arrived back happy, crisis averted we loaded the car up with our luggage, set google maps to Manchester and off we went, some of the route was a little long winded but we simply went with the flow, we didn’t hit any traffic and we dropped the car off with only one little hiccup, we couldn’t remember where the entrance for the drop of was we went around again and found it on the second pass, we found it in the dark the last time broad daylight it all looked the same! All in all, the journey down was uneventful apart from when we bought sandwiches for the room and mine was super spicy, I ate it all up but suffered with a grumbly tummy all night.

By now the odd gremlin was starting to raise its head, I as having issues with technology (no surprise there that it was sticking two fingers at my general direction), I was grumpy, again no surprise there then, I nearly lost my shit but no, I simply put my phone away and thought sod it! I did what I do best with technology I simply gave up, even the wife didn’t try to help she saw the signs as well! After our food we chilled and had a laugh and hopefully I was going to get a good night’s sleep, it was a lovely hotel (Holiday Inn) and when we wake up, we could simply go!

 

It was no surprise that I got a grand total of two hours and twenty minutes sleep, the wife slept the sleep of the damned out like a light, I even went for a walk purely and simply because I was wide awake, I’m old ( I can say it you lot can’t) and its getting boring only having a couple of hours sleep, I’m not wishing my life away, but I would simply like to sleep and enjoy my waking hours! Not much chance of that …...allegedly!

 

Day Two (Travel Day).

I was bright eyed and bushy tailed, washed and ready to go by the time the wife got up, the soap in the hotel was Lemony and nice ( I have no idea why I would want to tell you all that). I did a dad sweep of the room we hadn’t left anything we had a slow meander across to the airport (around two hundred metres from the hotel, inside was chaos, probably as they have moved the desks around so we did a few more steps than we needed to, it turns out was on the same flight and said hello, no problems with the security check(next year will be fun when I get my new knee) we went to our usual haunt for breakfast ( a full English for me) and then off to board the plane for nine hour flight (turned out to be just under eight) I watched three films Ballerina 3/5 a bit more story would have been nice the action was great but not a lot of story, Running Man 3/5 more of the same its one of my fave Stephen King Books and I do like the Arnold version, this was OK but yeah three out of five, then Now You see Me Three 4/5, its eye candy but there was at least a story line to follow, if not a tad predictable, I enjoyed it I then started watching Farkham Hall 0/5, I watched fifteen minutes of utter drivel, a great cast but they obviously  all owe the tax man money, that’s all I will say about that, I was about to jump out of the plane without a parachute!

We landed in the land of the free, and customs was a breeze, we had a car to the hotel (well you have to spoil yourself it’s a holiday) the lovely Joseph was our driver, really nice and talkative, once we were in our room we did a quick call to the daughter just to ensure we hadn’t left something turned on, then off to get a drink (pop/soda depending where you are reading this)and then to find the ice machine tumbled into bed and I got a little over four hours sleep, I will take it as its better than two!

Day Three.

My body clock appears to be still running on UK time, but I still got more sleep than the night before, the only issue the bed feels like a bunk bed, the mattress is so high, well my knees it feels like that. I woke up at midnight in the USA it was five in the morning at the UK, I climbed into the smallest bath in the world simply to soak my knees to prepare for the hardships of the day, A cup of tea before leaving the room (the best start to a day) sorted out my medication (as I sat there twitching) I felt punch drunk with the body clock issues, off for breakfast a western omelette,  then took my medication for the day before heading off to Epcot, the day was low and slow but I had to use my stick which I try to avoid, we simply enjoyed the day and each other’s company, we did around 50% of the park and then had lunch in the American Smokehouse, a new venue for us and it was ok, would I go back? Yes, I would but it was what it is it was…OK! The wife noticed that I was starting to suffer we decided to call it quits we had done better than we thought, we headed to the Skyliner and enjoyed the trip back to the hotel, we got off at  The Magic Kingdom, Bus journey is shorter than Epcot, but my knees were protesting vigorously, thankfully the bus arrived and carried us back to our resort, we got back to the room to take painkillers and to chill, they definitely helped me get some much needed sleep, I woke up groggy but feeling better, although the drugs hadn’t helped that much we had a late tea / early supper, finally my diabetes was back on track after our travels and lack of medication! We had a real lazy night and plotted what we intended to do the next day, a cunning plan and painkillers are always needed.

I should have known better.

I don’t need an anger management course I simply need people to be punctual!

I’m a punctual person I always have been, ok so my life is run to a clock but I could read a clock before I could read a book, my wife would say that I’m obsessed (she has her opinion I have mine), if I say I will be there on the hour you can pretty much guarantee I will be at least ten minutes early, well that’s if I’m by myself and other people aren’t in the mix, add other people and it soon goes awry .

The other morning I finally made contact with the people who are trying to organise some assistance in preparing me for the operation ahead (no not a lobotomy) we kept on missing each other and when I rang back there was nobody available to take the call, I was simply going to leave it, but I missed one last call by seconds and I rang back and they got the shock of their lives as they weren’t expecting that, the chap was shocked that someone would ring back I answered some questions and he was pleasantly surprised that I was being helpful. “we usually get just grumpy people” his words not mine, but he did say it’s a brand new service and they are not fully staffed hence my frustration in attempting to contact them, I was going to buy a pigeon and see if that made a difference, whilst I comprehensively answered all of his questions he asked me did I still want an appointment as I seemed to be pretty clued up about the road ahead, erm yes I would like a professional opinion by a trained person not someone on the phone, if its all good, well fine I won’t bother them again, he gave me a couple of dates and some times I took the next day and the first appointment, Gemma will ring you tomorrow, what could possibly go wrong.

I decided to take the call at home and then travel into work as some of the buildings I work in there is terrible reception, hence the missed calls, I was up at silly o’clock, as always and then sat next to the phone like an expectant father, well it could wrong and it did so 45 minutes after the allotted time I took myself off to work  in a rather grumpy mood, me with my reputation, well actually I am all sweetness and light these days, but the old me surface, not for long but it did cheese me off just a tad. On the way to work this morning I was second guessing myself had I got the day wrong, but come 08.30 still no call I decided to move on with my life, as allegedly life is far too short! Just after 09.00 this morning the young man who originally called me and was very contrite, he had double booked me into the system and the system couldn’t cope, he was nice I was nice, we all moved on with our lives!

The old me would have festered for days, plotting revenge, yes I was unhappy at the time but the world kept turning, who would have thought it, I can see some of my oldest friends going into shock at my response there, but its not worth losing any sleep over it crap happens, so one last hurrah for February and then I’m away for my holibobs so expect me to run silent and to run deep for a couple of weeks, but keep an eye on the skies, you can bet there will be some blogs when we get back, stay safe, stay alive, I will be back before you know it, but until that (and yes the name game is in play) .....Toodles!

Right Here Right Now 8.

This blog here is all about me being selfish for once, this is me thinking about me and nobody else, a small white lie as I always put my wife before me, but just for once in this minute this is all about me, I lost my temper last night and sent the wife and the grandson off to bed, I did so that I didn’t lose my temper with them and even the little doggie I had had enough of his bullshit (the grandson not the little doggie) even though he has issues I simply had enough, go to bed or suffer the consequences, they went upstairs and I fell asleep in the chair virtually straight away, I was shattered and not in a good place!

Life at the moment is sucking the very life out of me, work is lousy, my private life is lousy, the details of why will stay private but it doesn’t take a detective to work out why, I have some major concerns over my wife and her wellbeing, some people are being selfish and damn the torpedoes, it’s a good job I have calmed down because I would have sank their entire navel armada and I at the time last night didn’t give a shit about any of the consequences, to be honest I still don’t but I’m not as angry as I was last night, the blue touch paper is standing proud, so let’s light it and be damned I really do not give a rats ass, not anymore!

I have always been very careful regarding the navigation of the seas of our lives, there has been an awful lot of rubbish from outside concerns that most people wouldn’t have ever put up with I always did for the safety of her sanity, she wasn’t always innocent in all of this sometimes she partook as much as some of the other co-conspirators, I think she now realises how much I put up with and didn’t kick off, well not as much as I could have. A lot of rubbish used to be thrown in the air and the wife put up with a lot, and to an extent she still does, she always tries to assist always is willing to go the extra yard for the ass wipes that continue to think of themselves and not others! I wish she would simply stop and think of herself for once, as I have alluded to I have been starting to get a head of steam up and at the moment if it blows the only blow back will be to the wife, probably why I am trying to release it a little bit of a time instead of in one big BANG! Because if I do tell the people it will be to tell them to Foxtrot Oscar and to totally and utterly stay away from us! yes there would be fallout but in the long run the wife would recover and gain some sanity into her life again, obviously I would still be a part of her life so yes there would still be a question of her sanity for putting up with a lunatic manic depressive with abandonment issues (to name but a few)  but that’s the way cookies crumble allegedly.

At this moment in team of writing this I don’t care of the consequences, do I want these people in my life, yes I do, but not at the wife’s mental health expense, I feel like reverting to the angry man I was when I suffered with my PTSD, when I had no therapy and simply didn’t know how to refocus the rage, all I wanted to do was burn the whole world down and dance amongst the ruins! Yes, I would cut my nose off to spite my face, I’m older and allegedly a little wiser so I don’t want to cause anyone heartache and pain but if I want to I will, I’m quite happy to pour honey, but I do know how to pour vinegar if I have to!

Our life going forward was meant to be easier , a full restart after the insanity of the Kraken and the hold she had over her daughter, I call it abuse she didn’t, we agree to disagree, but the wife has always and I mean always put family first, I do not include myself into this equation because in reality I have never asked for anything else except her love, but she s suffering from the ongoing proceedings and yes we both want to help but there is helping and then there is taking the piss, this is my view not Her’s , but I see the anguish and her flame diminishing a little each day and it breaks my heart. I’m not saying that other people aren’t suffering, but they are putting their needs first , my wife lost her mother a person who was there for her through thick and thin, I might not have agreed with the women but she would have done anything for my wife in her own perverse way of keeping a grip on her reality, I never bent to her will, I did what my wife wanted but never the Kraken’s I wanted nothing from her and she didn’t understand that almost everybody she knew took from her, I never did, I went along with things for the sake of the wife and the kids but she knew if I kicked off the Kraken would have been the loser.

My wife would give you the shirt of her back if it would help you but she is not helping herself any excuse to help others, but look after herself she is not and its making me mad that some people are indeed taking the piss by taking that help to the Ninth degree and not thinking of her, I do want to help others but to me my wife will always come first, she is my cornerstone, I need her more than I need anybody else, we had so many cunning plans to kick start our life going forward and it simply hasn’t happened as she simply wants to help  others and not herself, is this reciprocated of course some do but its miniscule compared what we do for them, but others are simply time grabbing self-absorbed people out for anything that they can get at the expense of the others, again that’s my view not the wife’s, I have no intention of trying to convert her she needs to make her own decisions about life I will support her in what she decides it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it!

So, where do we go from here? I honestly have no idea but I do know that I never wanted to howl at the moon so much as I have in the last fortnight, actually I would like to howl at certain individuals who I think are being selfish but I can guarantee that they wont see it that way, I cant wait until next Christmas when they find out we are away for 7 days with no intention of being in touch with anybody, cunning plans and all that, hopefully our hollibobs will be a great reset for the both of us as long as we don’t fall out, let’s wait and see!

This blog started out as a need to vent my spleen and has turned into war and peace, but I need to release some steam otherwise it probably would have turned uglier than it needs to, do I think the people I am alluding are awful, not really but I do think that they can be awfully selfish and only think of themselves, I’m sure I was going to pop my cork at life and the universe as my anger levels haven’t been like this in over ten years, I usually simply try to breathe through the issues, however my mild “angina” isn’t mild most days, and I have used my spray more than ever I have used it for 6 out of the last 7 days having said that once I lost my blob last night it eased to the point that I didn’t need to use it lol. I know in the grand scheme of things bottling things up is not good for me but it is better for everybody else, but I worry about the health of my wife all kinds of her health, she is and always has been my number one priority, the rest of the world can go do one!

This week at work saw me spiralling badly as I was simply trying to fit a stein into a shot glass! And I was failing miserably, trying to do too many things whilst I was running on empty it’s a thing I need to take up with the quacks when I get back as my energy levels have been non-existent of late, most days I was on the edge of a meltdown but thankfully on the bus journey home on most nights I chilled or even had a little power nap, I mean I still felt like hammered crap, but just slightly chilled ,but there is allegedly a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m told its not an oncoming train (fingers crossed) yesterday my last day of the week, I attempted to go with the flow and I always like to be early for appointments but 7 days is a but much even for me, yes my head has been battered, hollibobs in 7 day’s time woo hoo!

Now that I have vented my spleen I won’t tell you how this morning turned to shit, lets just tell you I got through it had a lovely bath to relax, spoke to my brother and we both put the world to rights, I have a couple of things let to do, but I’m in a better place, now if I can just get the wife in the same place at the same time I will be happy, until next time…………………….Toodles!