Dark Days in Paradise.

I have discovered that we are not living in a brave new world, that was going to be the name of this blog until I discovered that I had already used it, so I thought of a better one, it’s rather more apt.

Life has taken a turn for the worst for some reason, I have been pretty much jolly since the beginning of the year, trying to be positive, trying to be helpful, just generally being a good egg, now it hasn’t been easy there are some complete trumpets out there in the world, and they have succeeded in dragging me down! It seems to start with the little things, it’s always the little things, it’s like water it finds someplace to get into and causes absolute chaos!

Since the beginning of this week there has been generally  a gloomy feeling as the day progress’s, the more I deal with people the more I despair for the people on this planet, and to be honest I don’t care for the bulk of them they bring it on themselves, the intention here is for me to rant, get everything off my chest, something I need to do as everything caught up with me this morning and I had an angina episode, nothing that was going to send me up the stairway, but enough for me to go “ow”.

Work has turned to treacle, and again I don’t intend to go into too much detail as that’s what got me wound up in the first instance, I like my job, I like 99.9% of the people but just because they are educated, it doesn’t mean that they are clever, its just me now instead of two gophers and an engineer, now its simply one gopher and the workload has exploded, there are some cunning plans, it’s not like they aren’t trying to resolve the issues, it simply wont be resolved over night (a lottery win would resolve it), I was fighting the good fight and was doing alright until I was pulled aside yesterday and I was told that there had been a complaint, I started racking my brain because this job is way different than my last job, although I was a good boy there, I still tended to reply before my brain had engaged “adult answer” this job “adult answer” is permanently engaged, or so I thought, it was explained as I was teaching when discussing arson and the people who perpetrate it I called them” NEDs” that’s None educated Delinquents, and somebody had taken offence, if they had heard my response when I was told they would have been really offended, I wanted to go and hunt them down, but my anger soon subsided and pity flooded my brain, as I thought how petty they had to be, put it played on my brain and I left work as soon as I possibly could, I got home and I wasn’t in my best mood, I apologised to wife, but the mood stuck with me and I fell asleep in the chair downstairs for the longest sleep in nearly three months (over seven hours if anybody is interested).

I awoke to my alarm sounding something that hasn’t happened in nearly four years and although groggy I knew that my mood hadn’t lifted, I had the desire to build a cupboard under the stairs and crawl into and ignore the world, unfortunately I had to get my big boy pants on and suck it up, I got myself sorted and set off for my bus (yes I’m a bus wanker) and the vibe I gave off meant absolutely nobody sat anywhere near me, I got to my halfway point then changed buses after a twenty minute wait (in the old days I would have simply walked the distance in that time) we got on but by the forth stop all the bells and whistles were going and the driver jumped out in shock, he was straight on the phone but ignored everybody so about 95% of us got off, most people seemed to close to their destination, I had a three quarters of a mile to walk so I set off slowly (its my only speed these days) ten minutes later the same bloody bus passed me, I wasn’t happy and my mood was out of the cellar and digging to the earth’s core, I trudged on in pain but I was determined that I wasn’t going to be late.

Halfway there when I was as low as I could I bumped into a member of staff going in the opposite direction, their professionalism lifted my spirits, a brief chat nothing serious just the weather and where was I heading but it relit the spark and I was back trudging (what like felt) up the mountain, I got there just as the security team ( I had mentioned that I may not got in the building and that nice lady had tried to organise me a lift as well as assist me in to gain entry to the building) got there and we exchanged insults as we English tend to do, that’s how we get through life, we had a bit of banter and they cracked on, I chuckled as I entered the building (my pass did get me in) the staff on site were super helpful and that’s when God decided he would have a little fun and I’m glad I was sitting down as my angina kicked in! again the staff were super attentive (I’m ok its only indigestion……erm not!).

Thankfully when the angina faded away (yes I used my spray) I got on with the job in hand and was soon finished the inspection part, the writing up will take longer (all 34 pages) but my mood was lifting, not joyous, but better, thankfully there was no “Bob” (please see previous blogs) I think even he sensed I would have tore him a new arse if he had tried his shenanigans! The thing that has affected my mood is that I don’t feel as though I belong, I feel as though I’m not good enough for the people around me, I’m not sure that I want to belong, if I’m being brutally honest, who knows, I know I certainly don’t!

My feelings of unhappiness were certainly at a high tidal mark ( I just hope it hasn’t left a stain) in the scheme of things , thankfully as they return to a normal level( again I’m not happy but I’m not as unhappy as I was) I need to give my head a shake and get on with things simply for the benefit of every one else, the youngest is here helping out and her and the wife have gone swimming (that’s a good thing for the wife) so I need to complete all of my work tasks, well most of them, then onto plotting new cunning plans and raids across foreign shores (that just means we actually leave the house to do something other than food shop), I didn’t have a plan for a blog as the numbers have been going through the roof and I was distracted, maybe that’s why I have been down so much this week, don’t worry normal service may/will return in the coming weeks.

Thank you to all the people who have been reading the old blogs and have been leaving comments, no they don’t show on the blogs anymore as I have them hidden and I don’t respond to them unless I do Now Hear This type of blog, so stop pestering me and watch this space, the weekend is coming over the hills and across the moors the hurricane is potentially coming to visit (that will bring cheer to this miserable old git) oh I need to be careful there could be complaints about my language , so onwards watch the skies for incoming please stay safe and stay alive until the next time………………..Toodles!