Sensitive to light

Work, work, work, work, work, work, stay in the house, work, work, work, work, work, stare at blank walls, work ,work, work, work, work, feelings of alienation, work, work, work, work, eat obsessively, work, work, work, work, work, do nothing at all just stare at bank account, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about the family, work, work, work, work, work, work, something bad goes wrong, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about my health, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work.

I don’t always have black thoughts but when I do there is little I can do to control them, as I always say if I can wake up happy I can take anything that life throws at me!

Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, staying the house, work, work, work, work, dark thoughts, work, work, work, something crap happens, work, work, work, play some music, work, work, work, work, work, sleep, work, work, work, work, work, sit and stare at the darkness, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, laugh at my bank account or lack of it, work, work, work, work, work, try and drag myself back to the light, work, work, work, work, work, feelings of hatred, work, work, work, work, work, grit and determination.

I don't always have black thoughts and I do fight them every day, I know there are people out there in a far worse predicament than me, I just have to shake my head and remind myself! 

Work, work, work, work, work, isolation, work, work, work, work, work, music makes the day better, work, work, work, work, work, resentment, work, work, work, work, work, stay in the house, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about my family, work, work, work, work, work pain and heartache, work, work, work, work, work, work, more shit happens, work, work, work, work, sleep deprivation, work, work, work, work, work, work, grinding halt.

I don't always have black thoughts but when I do I struggle to motivate myself I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't like the person I have become, I have to strive to be the person I was, I haven't always been like this!

Work, work, work, work, work, work, miss my friends, work, work, work, work, work, sadness, work, work, work, work, work, work, feelings of jealousy then shame, work, work, work, work, work, anger, work, work, work, work, work, work, despair, work, work, work, work, work, work, helpless, work, work, work,

I see the pattern developing all work makes me a very unhappy person, although it seems that all I can do is bury myself is in work, I don't have black thoughts for my family or friends, I will always be there for them, it's me I have lost sight of, I feel that the devil is me, darkness is not friend I need the light I need to burn as bright as I have before.

I know I'm not in a great place but please believe me I am doing everything that I can do so until the next (happier) times.....................Toodles!