Where were you.

Yes the name game is as always in play!

These things don’t write themselves anymore, it would appear I have to do a lot of polishing of a turd to get here.

I’m hoping to keep this one as short and sweet as possible, keep some lightness in it as I’m sure that the majority of you are as sick as I am with regards the piles of misery, I seem to be good at producing, I have started this particular blog a number of times over the last few weeks to no avail, I haven’t been happy with the content or the feel of the various attempts so far, but any way here goes the final blog of the year, lets try and go with the flow.

Time has moved on and the world kept turning, the wife got the dreaded Co Vid and she was/is in a bad way, although she has returned to nearly normal cheery self, it was 10 days of dread, I was concerned as it appears a number of people who I have written about have succumbed to the awful disease, a long conversation with a person from my past confirmed more than a dozen old friends have passed because of it, to say I was in shock was an understatement, to say that my head was spinning would be quite the understatement.

Work has been simply work, although the pace of my days were slug like, I am not enjoying the one thing that seemed to bring me cheer, The Christmas holidays were upon us and I have sat and ate shite and drank stuff that will do me enormous amounts of harm with scant regard for my health, as I sit typing this I am coasting along on a high dose of sugar, well what does that matter, not a lot in the grand scheme of things!

Death has been in abundance as an older gentleman who guided me back in the day (when I dated his daughter) was a bigger shock than I thought it would be, he guided me in politics (when they meant something) and in the ways of doing what was right, I may not have seen him in nearly 40 years but there wasn’t many days when I went over what he taught me. Its strange what sticks with you over the years I hope at some point I have inspired someone in the same way I doubt it but it was always something to aspire to!

I had hoped to steer myself on a straighter course these last few weeks but it would appear I simply don’t care enough (at this particular moment in time) to want to fit in with anyone or anything, me with my reputation, go figure! You only live once, a common enough trope, but is it actually true, I have at some point been a baby then a toddler, a child who tripped into adolescence, a young man (allegedly) a middle-aged man heading God knows where at this particular moment in time, just how close to my finishing line am i? digging even deeper I was at some point a son (once to my knowledge) a husband (twice so far) a soldier, a lyricist, a forestry worker, a friend (those days seems so far away) a patient (the older I get the more times it would appear that I get to practice this one) a drunk (only semi-professional) a wise guy (failed) a teetotaler (again a failure at this moment in time) some might say at some point I have even been successful (not that I can remember) so which one was my one true life, did I blink and miss it, the endless hours of heartache are what I remember, I have a feeling if all these versions of me were to meet they wouldn’t recognise anything of themselves in any form!

At best they would view each version of each as strangers, or worse still as idiots who wasted the best part of the last 40 plus years! So maybe just maybe the real question should be do we real only live once or do we die a number of times and are reborn as a bigger idiot than before, food for thought or am I as usual overthinking life and the universe!

My health as been crap, not that I am helping myself (go figure) although I finally got to see a specialist, I turned up slightly early (ok 90 minutes early and had to sit outside) and was seen for a total of 4 minutes and told yes we will have to investigate further (WT actual F) sometimes I don’t know why I bother, maybe I should stop swimming against the tide and simply drown that seems to be the easiest answer, maybe I will get some further investigations in another 3 years?

And then the usual Christmas farce, to be honest I have tried really hard this year, I don’t think I was 100% successful but at least I tried, the last blog did even better numbers and the older blogs did just as well over the last four weeks as well, I have no idea why, I’m not expecting this one to do huge numbers as  I have two musical ones to follow (or I may simply join them as a common thread) to follow within the next few weeks (14 days on countdown) that’s if I can muster the energy to do something with my life, I’m still on holiday and I am still sat in a pool of self-loathing waiting for the big fella to blast me with a bolt of lightning, fingers crossed!

So I hope that you all had a great time I hope you all got something that you liked I hope you all have good health and the love of someone close to you, please don’t worry about this old ship wreck I am believe it or not trying to pull myself forward to be a better person (Allegedly) so place nice and look to the skies for there shall be more incoming, soon! Until the next time stay safe………..Toodles!