Donec, Defluet, Amnis

The title of this (short) chapter is a tattoo (and for once not a song title) that I have on my chest (please see the back cover of the book) and it wasn’t until I had it inscribed in ink on my chest did I realise that it should be my motto, in English it means “until the river ceases to flow” and I feel as though my life is like a river, so it’s rather apt! My tattoo is a deck of cards and it all refers to the hand that we are dealt with, No I’m not getting all philosophical I’m just trying to get you who reads this to understand that I do at times think about life in general and not as some folk think, just from minute to minute all doom and gloom (yeah right hahaha).

Now the therapy has come to an end it would appear that I can only play the cards that I have been dealt with, I shouldn’t be trying to second guess life the universe or anything, I should really just do as the river suggests and go with the flow! I suppose I was slightly down heartened that upon completion of my course of treatment I didn’t even get a certificate (I would have accepted a 25 metre swimming certificate or some such nonsense) but as always I’m getting ahead of myself, it was with trepidation I awaited my last session of therapy for no other reason than” oh my god this is it!”  what had seemed like a lifetime to get here and all of a sudden it had ran away from me and here I was at the end of it, how did this happen? And was I cured?

As always I got there in plenty of time, the wife had picked me up and dropped me off and I went in and said hello for the last time, the receptionist (I never knew her name how uncivilised of me) smiled and asked me to fill in some forms (what a surprise) the exact same forms I filled in for my initial appraisals, this time though I gladly filled them in and handed them back and sat and waited for the good Dr to collect me for this last session.

The forms were the initial point of contact and it appears that I had decimated the original scores that had said I was Mr Gloomy and now I had become Mr Happier, we went over what I had achieved with the course of the sessions, did I lie? Yes probably just a little bit yes, I felt trepidation but for some reason I wasn’t about to show it. It was soon obvious I was in quite a good place (even with my little white lie) and after forty five minutes I was done,( maybe I should have demanded my full hour…..not!) time to go and move on with my life, I said thank you (and I genuinely meant it) to all the staff who had put up with me over the previous twenty weeks and as I stepped out into the bright sunshine it seemed a damn sight brighter than it had when I had went in.

Positivity seemed to be the order of the day and thankfully it was the truth, it stayed with me for quite a while, I am not under any illusion about what the outcome will be, but it’s actually down to me to take charge of my life, I need to try and drive around the few small bumps in the road that meet everybody at some point in their lives, what is the cunning plan? for one I intend to take each day, simply one day at a time and try not to get bogged down in any negativity (let’s see how good I am with one) to try and not be the pain that seems to have filtered through into my every day, now I may not be positive every day but I sure as hell am going to try!

One thing for certain is that I’m not going to settle for a life of drudgery, my intention is to try and fight back just a little every day, for me and my little bit of sanity, for my wife my kids and my grandkids, the rest of the world well you will just have to take pot luck, as I will have enough on my plate with that little lot! What I will say as a closing statement, be kind to everyone you meet, you never know what kind of battle they are fighting because as this books shows, those that are fighting these battles have a tendency to hide them from the world, not everyone is as strong as it would appear, give them support when you can even when they are not asking for it, because that little bit of support may just save the day!