OK so I survived yet another attempt on my life, so you know I had to blog about it, all though it will be short but sweet, The wife for some reason is obsessed when ever I get a text and as a rule I have no problem with her getting up off her arse(yeah right like that will happen) to go and see who is sending me rude jokes or is talking about work (see I'm boring I know I'm boring) but for some reason the wife assumes that I'm Austin Powers (Noooo Baby!) so she must think I'm a dirty shag about hahahaha(me with my reputation give me egg and chips everyday) and all of a sudden yesterday out of the blue I received a text, wow who would have thought that at some random point in the day that me the short fat bald speccy one would get a text, no hang on the phone is in the other room so how am I going to answer the inevitable question, "who's that?" how the hell do I know but your starting to annoy me I didn't marry into the Gestapo but you seem to have transferred there from some other annoying team.
Now this was like waving a red flag at a bull (no jokes please) and because I didn't jump up and go and find out and report back, my Grumpen Fuhrer (wife) decided that she was going to see who it was now at this point I'm pissed off because if I'm not bothered why the hell should she be, is there something you need to tell me hells bells if I'm not under your thumb I'm at work and vice versa! get a life you mare so anyway at this juncture I was so pissed I decided I was going to beat the wife (as in a race not as in violence jeez follow the story boys and girls) to the phone (wrong move) she picked me up like the Hulk and threw me around the living room like a hill billies trailer in a tornado! (OK so I slipped and fell and bashed a rib on the hard part of the settee ) now because in the past I have broken one or two ribs it doesn't take much to give me any pain, now not that I think I have a broken rib, but I sure as hell have cracked one, how do I know? the shortness of breath the stabbing pain when I move and its painful to raise my arm, what the hell I don't need to do that much any way (only to defend myself).
Now you see what I have to live with I wonder if I can still get the FBI involved in my protection, she is meant to be a lady but she acts like an Reichskriegsgerichts-Wachtmeister sorry still on world war two kick at the moment look it up if your that sad.
So Lets see if I can keep it together and move about, I post this in the knowledge that I get battered on a regular basis and the wife hides it she has had a good teacher when G gets beaten there's no bruises there either, the writing sort of happened but not as well as anticipated and I soon realised that the fourteen chapters will make about eight as I will condense some of it into one big happy go lucky chapter, so don't say that you haven't been warned, it's all usable, but not as individual items. now I have to get ready to go out with the Tee Hee Club to cheer this miserable trooper up (woo Hoo) so again I warn you that it might be a while before a proper blog comes along and as for the name game OK so I bastardised an Arm Pitt film title go figure, play nice and until the next time ...Toodles!
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