At some point you have to stop and smell the roses, you know you're getting old when you utter that particular sentence, you know it when you put your back out sitting on the toilet or even when you bend over and you make long loud oooooh sounds, you know you're getting old when the wife wants to shave your ears, back, eyebrows you know it ain't going to have a happy ending! when if you live in California your second (or third or forth or your fifth) wife calls the previous wife "Ma'am"! (incoming) thank god I live in Gimpsville, you know you get genuinely excited when the post man deposits junk mail never mind normal mail, somebody (even a computer) has thought enough about you to send you something!
At a certain age you start reading the obituary columns for long forgotten friends people who have long forgot that you existed (the same as you had about them until you saw their name in the paper). when the smoking hot young thang from your favourite movie from your youth now looks like William Shatner...... (shudder), when women your own age have real breasts and artificial hips, when masturbation (its a waste of f***ing time....work that one out please!) leaves you winded (so I'm told), when you try and chat to the kid(sorry but I do feel old at this moment in time) hooking up some fancy bit of technology like a blue ray or some such and you reminisce about Betamax (hahaha I didn't have a video until 1991) and he looks at you like you have two heads.
when you go to the toilet its like you have joined the navy and are sending messages in Morse code because you Pee in dots and dashes oh and you have to look down to see if you are finished. All your radio stations play nothing but "Classic Rock" when your Doctor at your annual check up says stuff like its "normal for a man of your age" or "consider yourself lucky" (WTF)! when you have more chins than a Chinese telephone directory or if you prefer a skin hammock (that beard suits you hahaha) and you should know better than to have a look below your man bits (even if the Doctor says you should) oh dear.
You choose your car because of the cup holders or even worse lumber support (shock horror) being nostalgic for The Who performing at the Olympics (what the hell boys so much for rebellion....meet the new boss yeah he's the same as the old boss) and realising that the reason you are so sad is because you realise that's about as good as it gets for music these days on British TV! you wonder if that next orgasm (sometime in 2020) will actually kill you never mind wind you! or that friendly Doctor (him again he keeps popping up) offers you a new medication that has the potential to reduce your sperm count (and that should bother me why?????)
all your radio stations play nothing but "Classic Rock".......oh shit I already did that one bugger this old age malarkey isn't what it's cracked up to be, I hope this one was a happier one than the last few until the next one play nice and love your loved ones...Toodles
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