Our situation has been heading to the crapper ever since we went to Vegas(baby) !we played chicken with life and we lost, we knew the stakes and if we knew then what we know now we wouldn't have done it any other way, our situation at the minute is like a boil building to burst and when it does it probably will get messy, but life isn't a rehearsal you have to do what you can, the reason why I say this because we will be keeping a very low profile for the immediate future we are not beaten we are not bowed but we prepare for whatever shit life intends to throw our way!
I woke this morning late for me, with glorious sunshine streaming in the through the window I was disorientated and groggy with the amount of sleep I had had, I had been a good boy last night and not snoozed (or blinked) and I had slept through the alarms and the wife looked after the old man of the house as he barked for company in the wee small hours of dawn, why the alarms? the wife was on a mission for the Kraken and needed to be away from the house. I pulled myself upright and stretched as I heard her rushing around trying to be on time as best as possible, and I tottered towards the stairs like somebody who had been on the drink (and no I hadn't ya cheeky gits), a quick wash and teeth cleaned as she dashed about like a whirling dervish and I helped her out the door.
The curve of my moods of late have been towards the dark as opposed to the light and although I have been pleasant enough, some people have noticed so if I have bitten people's heads off ...you probably deserved it(did you think I was going to apologise hahaha) now nothing so black that the Samaritans needed to be called, but enough for people who think I can be quite witty and jolly to notice (WTF .....ME witty and jolly hahaha) I need my writing now more than ever before if not for my sanity then for the world's (as if ) and I need to clear the log jam but I am second guessing myself and keep thinking I have done some of my tales of mystery in some of the old lost blogs and I really don't want to repeat myself! we were about to head to bed last night when the wife realised there was yet more crap she hadn't watched so while she did that I played with You tube and played some great songs that put me in the mood for writing this blog (in a positive mood) and I sat and wrote my game plan out in seconds rather than deliberating where to go for hours like I have done of late!
I had to decide which path to pick? to the right or to the left! did I take the blue pill or take the red pill before jumping down any particular rabbit hole and as usual I knocked the proffered pills away and walked straight ahead and cut to the wild grassy land than to any worn path, Its my game plan and as many rules as I can make and get to take with me as possible, otherwise I would be lost to the rage and with no going back,I could probably lose the few (true) friends I actually have. I have needed to take stock for what seems like an age, but I have chosen to ignore all the warning signs (usually health related)life shouldn't need to be rocket science, I have to stop take a deep breath and right the ship before it goes over the edge, that's myself in the metaphor and nobody else I feel as though I had been heading back to darker wilder times where I didn't care and damn the consequences! But I'm meant to be older and wiser with family and friends sailing with me, if I sink now I take people with me and that's not the type person I have ever been!
I have to move forward and be as supportive to everybody in my circle of life as possible and not just some grumpy bastard who mooch's through life thinking that everybody else doesn't have any issues. I have to learn to accept responsibility for all of my actions and potentially any of the crew members of the good ship US (since when did I become so fecking interested with sailing) as of today the plan is to move forward in the most positive manner possible (lets see how long that lasts). At the moment the house feels like a prison as the finance shrinks to Greek size proportions and the quantative easing the goverment says it is doing has not reached these shores yet! I miss my friends from The Tee Hee Club but we can still have fun thanks to technology and will enjoy what time we have together when we actually meet up just that little bit more concentrated (which could be dangerous, G undiluted oh dear lord!) but as I have said we are unbowed and unbeaten just trying to figure our strategy.
The war at work has been going tortuously slow and I have very nearly poisoned the well on my own behalf (talk about shooting yourself in the head) hopefully I have pulled back from the brink, I normally deal with people with the fast impulsive Cossack attack and leave a wake of destruction in my wake, but at the moment I feel like Finland in it's war with Russia (ooops sorry history buffs) I'm doing all the right things I just don't know if I have the strength to fight on all fronts against all opponents, I will not give up but this could be a long drawn out affair and it shouldn't be, every other member of staff has been sorted aaaaaargh lets just not go there! I need to stay positive and focused positive and focused positive and focused!
My weight is the thing that I hate at the moment and it is also the thing that points to the fact that I am not the happiest bunny, after all the good work I did getting to my operation I have undone it in just a year of sloth (OK so my knees haven't helped) but the darker my moods, the less I want to do, the less I do the more I eat, the more I eat the more depressed I get etc etc etc I'm sure you are all bright enough to do the maths, unfortunately this dumbass hasn't been (oops) so a day of music is planned to recharge my positivity batteries and hopefully put me back on the right track, it's down to me and nobody else, If I fail it will be me who pays the actual ultimate sacrifice!
So this is me not beaten, this me not bowed, this is me making a statement of intent to each and every deity under this crystal blue sky, I intend to march on for as long as I have breath in my chest and good will in my heart (that's it then I'm fecked hahahaha) and I shall strive to do the best of my ability for family and friends (notice there's nothing for the people I work with Feck them all) I have no idea what colour or what creed any of those gods out there are and I don't care, you make your own luck in this world I just have to learn to make mine that little bit better so that's me with a positive out look on the day ahead (and you can only take it one day at a time) lets see how long it lasts be good and until the next time Toodles!
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