I knew it was too good to last Lethargy kicked in and won, I have been sat up since five this morning deliberating whether to blog or not and now that I have, all the great ideas I have had have buggered off well we can but try, as I need something to blow the blues away!
The day yesterday didn't pan out as well as I had hoped but I did score for some glimmer of happiness after a witty burst of texting from G which lifted my spirits, and a quick visit from my brother which as always was about music music and then a bit more about music. I then settled down to the routine of oh woe is me, mainly I think because I'm so tired having not got a lot of sleep which isn't helped by the wife who doesn't understand going to bed late then getting up really early to look after the old man of the house is killing me (slight over exaggeration but you get the picture) then she harps on about me going to see a doctor and that just really makes me happy all over again(see previous blogs for rants and information why this would be the case) and she wonders why I can get ratty?
I pottered on and again even tried to write some stuff but it was so laced with bitterness that if it ever saw the light of day the loony bin would put me in a special room so the delete button was pressed straight away, nope no good would have come of that particular bit of writing, things got so bad I even did a bit of my controlled breathing exercises, that I used to do back in the day, the thing that really bugged me is I have no idea where that train of thought popped up from and like a train it rattled through my brain at such a fast rate of knots I was concerned, thankfully the saviour of the day was the old man of the house who sat next to me and licked my hand for approval, that brought me back to the land of "stop being a stupid bastard" and by the time the wife returned from the Kraken's I was back to my old self (oh dear hahaha) however I was as always shattered.
The answer? well probably some fresh air, a change of scenery would help I realise how much of a prison (and yes it's self imposed) my life has become, where as I never used to be in the house it gets like I'm shackled (and not in a kinky way G) to the bloody thing, I never go anywhere and I have totally isolated my self from the outside world. The wife always looks at me suspiciously if I deviate from the norm, but if I don't soon I think my head will explode. I had the opportunity to go a stag do with one of the members of staff from work last night(the only member of management to be actually asked) and I had a ready made answer made before the question was completely asked, To be honest this is nobody's doing but my own as I get older I withdraw into my shell more and more, and I know we are struggling financially at the moment (no not a boo hoo tale of woe just stating the facts we got ourselves here and we will get ourselves out of it) but I have a pre loaded answer for any of the do's that we have at work, unfortunately there are always one or two that I can't get out of, and it always creates turmoil for us as a group, we have become too reliant on ourselves and yes the wife could (and always does) make friends in an empty room I always struggle I either go over the top or go so introvert people don't realise that I'm there!
Now some people who know me will think that this absolute bollocks, but trust me when I'm introduced to new people I'm bricking it, I always seem to think that everybody has got an unfavourable opinion of me, why that should matter? I have no idea and at 47 you would think I would be a level headed and grounded person and although I am a million times better than I was twenty plus years ago I'm still a fucked up individual, yeah go figure hahaha I even avoided looking at my lottery tickets this morning because I didn't want to become a miserable bastard all over again because I hadn't won! Thankfully these miserable days are now out weighed by the feelings where I am a sensible person and I can function almost like a normal human being! But even I know I have to address the situation at some point you just have to look at all the weight that I have regained over the last 12 months to see what a misery I really am.
The solution as always has to be down to me and I know that I can and will do better and thankfully those thoughts or darkness are not there all the time, they are usually dispelled by the people who are my friends and family (that never happened before) so I realise that I am in a better place already however when the darkness descends it is so severe and debilitating I grind to a halt. I need to work out a way to keep going forward even at a slow rate if I stop or worse go into reverse I'm fecked! the blog and the writing definitely helps in the short term it's a long term fix that is required, I have a good job (well I enjoy it) I have a good family (well OK at times hahaha) so why do I always look on the dark side for problems (answers on a postcard to youwhingingbastaard.com) ho hum without it mind you all of my adoring readers wouldn't have something to laugh at when you read the drivel that I write hahahaha!
Again the numbers for the blog yesterday where great and some of you must have it set up to read as soon as it's posted because (you all know how sad I am ) there are eight hits every time in the first minute(WTF) good for my ego but what the hell???? and if I didn't blog as much the numbers for the individual blogs would continue to grow (I can always tell when somebody new comes on board because all of the old blogs get a single hit) but I do it when the mood takes me so ho hum! again a few new readers Lars from Spokane thank you and yes there are books available just head over to Blurb.com and you can preview from there, and no I'm not a Madonna fan (WTF!!!) Pueblo from Mexico city the name game is easy look at the blog title and guess what artist it is in this case I will help you it's a Canadian band and not Pat Travers OK and sorry there are no prizes for winning but a lot of sarcasm for getting it wrong hahahaha!
The next book should be hot to trot in about four weeks depending on my mood and the resolving of some of the financial constraints, Toodles (the Dairy of a madman and his lunatic friends) is a bit of a greatest hits with a couple of new bits thrown in for good measure, I think once that's out there I will have to get my finger out there and getting cracking on the book after that which at the moment has a grand total of three complete chapters (hmm not good at all, definitely need to get my finger out). Today well lets go with the flow, we have as always an invite for the Tee Hee club to resume it's antics, but for once it's the wife that holds the keys to that, her legs are still so bad bruised and swollen from her ninja attack it might just be a tad too far to go we shall see (and keep everything crossed) but today I intend it to be a good bloody day that's enough of my woe is me rant remember live life to the full (and if you see me remind me exactly the same please) and until the next blog Toodles!
No comments:
Post a Comment