This has not been a great week at home or at work and the saying drowning not waving has been rather apt, the issues this week have been primarily mine, not caused by anybody else although people on the perimeter have been damn annoying,at the end of the day for some things I really do feel like I was born at the wrong point of human evolution I really am just too old fashioned for my own benefit!
I deal with stupid people for a living that's a fact not fiction and having to deal with these cretins who are making a fecking fortune is unfortunately starting to drag me down, how they get dressed in the morning is to be honest astounding, I try to help but they have the attention span of a bloody goldfish and though I normally start off in generally happy disposition, my mask slips faster as each day crawls by.
War has indeed been declared but surprisingly not by me so I intend to sit on the side lines and watch as the various factions wear themselves down and then step forward and claim victory (hahaha sounds grand but it's just making work more depressing than normal) my intention is to do my job to the best of my ability (as always) and then go home. I have to admit to being totally alienated with the people that I work with there is no connection to them in anyway, no shared interests, no touchy feely new age bonding nothing as a rule I just about feel pity for the feckers and that really is that, the infighting, bitchiness and childish manipulation of each other is cringe worthy the fact that I try to spend as little time as possible mixing with them as possible should stand out like a sore thumb, I'm not really a people person (go figure) never really understood how to make new friends and no before anybody charges me with being a snob, I'm not I just don't know how such a ferrel bunch of people can survive.
Trying to keep a pleasant face on this week has been a real struggle, the worst thing has been listening to two older letches trying to "seduce" (even as I type that word I want to throw up to the point that I can die) a new member off staff, I don't mind banter, banter is what makes the world go round(and although I don't partake because I'm shite at it good luck to each there own) but these two ageing fat lothario's going through the motions, using tried and trusted chat up lines (what the hell do I know I have never chatted up anybody in my life) made me want to cut off my ears and stuff dynamite into them, the lady in question put up with it for so long (why the hell would you) before basically ignoring them, not that that is stopping them, even this is pissing me off I really want to tell each and everyone of them all to Feck Off And Die! does this make me a bad person probably! it will turn out to be my fault anyway so bring it on you fecking scum!
Home wasn't much better, when a skirmish ending up becoming war in the pacific and with all the entrenchment that goes with that, I do admit that although we made up quite quickly this was the low point of the week and I haven't even attempted to climb back out of my foxhole what's the point I'm sick of all the hostilities!(and no again I'm not perfect and I'm not saying that I am I'm just saying I certainly don't have any answers!) something worth fighting over yes, but trivial stuff no, it hurts when you discover what people really think of you, being thick skinned doesn't enter into it nobody is bullet proof 24/7! hopefully me feeling this low will ebb away with the flood waters, and general happiness will spring forth not soiled by the debris that floats in the usual currents I'm not a bad person I would do anything for anybody I call a friend but I need to recharge my soul (damn now I sound like a hippy) and get some goodness back into me, I never ask for much, I'm happier when other people get (another trait I wish I could get rid off) but I would for once just like some good fortune to fall on us as a family, I don't mind picking myself up and dusting myself off and moving on down the road but when you see pondlife getting away with stuff and living it up when all your trying to do is live an honest life well it has got to me without a doubt!
The last blog was brilliant for numbers best one in ages and maybe I should have listened to some more Def Con One for the uplift rather than the Leonard Cohen soundtrack that has been my accompaniment all week! I need some music in me at some point, even at work I have barely played any music (and trust me I play music all the time at work) so that is the prescription for the weekend, the nice comments have helped and don't worry the occasional troll just gets deleted I don't reply (I learned my lesson the redneck way) so any niceness you send my way is truly going to be deposited in a safety deposit box and stored for the dark clouds that I have been fighting, now if anybody has a problem with this blog .....TOUGH I write to please me and nobody else the fact that on average I have between 30 and 70 people who are reading the blogs I must be doing something right nobody is happy all the time (OK so some people might want me to be happier a little more often) and if they are tell me what tablets work because I could surely use some Ya Bastards!
OK end while you can and run like hell the bile has subsided for the time being and i truly do need to get in a better place more ducking and diving has to be done for the sake of what little sanity I have left enjoy the weekend do what you need to do and I will see you all on the other side but for now TOODLES!
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