Kicking Up Dust

Kicking up dust.

Well I’m probably as fit as I’m going to be, I’ve had just over 260 minutes of sleep and I’m sat here hot to trot (I do believe I have some catching up to do) waiting for the world (well ok just The Tee Hee Club then) to get up and crack on. I’m sat at the window twenty five floors up watching the traffic flow and down the strip ooh I’m all excited I do believe the holiday (for me at least starts right here right now). I’m sat once again waiting for the man in the red Santa suit (no not SMOR) to pop down the chimney I intend to fill myself full of painkillers (always a good plan) and damn the consequences. The wife woke up and was happy to see me up and about and we stood watched the best sunrise I have ever seen this was a great omen I was happy and I liked it!

The sun itself rose so fast I thought I was in a vampire film but as it rose so did my emotions and I now understand why in the old days some people allegedly worshiped the sun as a god my heart was full as was I of drugs hahaha! We headed out and jumped on the monorail (the monorail...oops sorry my favourite Simpsons episode) we headed to the MGM Grand which as a hotel was OK and the rest rooms were a 5 out of 10, we ended up on the CSI experience (which the wife had wanted to do since ooooh 2009) we all did it as a little team which was just as well because the wife would have more competitive then the Russians at the height of the cold war! To say that she had a great time was an understatement we bought a few goodies as the youngest is just as obsessed as the wife is with all things CSI related. We moved on after a look at the shops and we were going to do the buffet for breakfast but for some reason (I will admit I wasn’t paying my full attention) it was a no go so headed to the Rainforest cafe where we were dealt with the surliest members of staff we encountered on the holiday (hence the smallest tip) G was getting ready to go atomic as we were directly in the path of a photographic display and when people were about to take a picture G went into spaz mode with his weird eye movement, I would love to see the peoples reaction when they see the table of people from the sunshine club in the background hahaha he was right though it couldn’t have busier if they had stuck us in the middle of the road on the strip! I should have had a fit then I could have sued them for the camera flash’s going off at this moment my stomach was still fragile so I didn’t overload it (I had the shrimp if you’re interested you’re not oh dear tough shit then!)But again it tasted bland and I didn’t really enjoy it the atmosphere soured it a tad but G went back into Kes mode (see previous chapters) so that got the juices flowing and we were a happy band yet again.

At this particular junction there was much talking about fajita’s, cheese and snorting and swooping was most definitely the order of the day (I suppose you had to be there not that I want to spill the beans but ladies honestly) we headed out and at this point I needed some new trainers I had gone with a pair of Asda special (cheap shite) and I didn’t want them to hinder the progress of the rest of the holiday the first shop I went into they might as well said “feck off” as they were very helpful it was like being back at work, fine I will take my English dollars with me you ungrateful whelps! As we wandered further we found a sports bar where we watched the last twenty minutes of the Newcastle vs. Arsenal match (which we jinxed) where we had a quick drink and G even managed to have his first (medicinal) shot of Jagermeister of the holiday! The match ended badly (boo hoo) and the prices weren’t the cheapest of the holiday either (double boo hoo) we left beaten but not distraught and as we rounded the corner we discovered a Footlocker where the guy got the quickest sale of his career and a free pair of Asda trainers! We did a few more casinos (and restrooms thankfully in an upright position) we decided to go off on a jolly jaunt to Cowtown Boots which although it had moved from its original location we thought (wrongly) that it was closer than it actually was, but we soldiered on and although at the first point of asking for directions (she wasn’t that nice was she Grrr) we were lied to and we headed back on that dusty road through derelict town and I regretted almost instantly that I hadn’t kept my old trainers as although the new ones were fantastic I’m used to cheap and nasty ones these should have been broken in and I had already skinned my heels and was running out of painkillers (and I couldn’t see any friendly drug dealers kicking up dust) for my knees we ventured on another 3000 miles (ok a slight exaggeration but only just) where the ladies yet again took the bull by the horns and asked at a Holiday Inn for directions and not only were we headed in the right direction the lady there told us to jump in to their minivan and she took us all the way there which was about a mile further down the road(now that’s what I call service and we weren’t even guests ha-ha only in America) now Cowtown boots was great and to be honest if I had been in a better frame of mind I probably would have spent some money, although the wife did get a lovely pair of boots and I was tempted to buy a cowboy hat (the original twat in a hat) but I didn’t as I have a head shaped like a peanut and I’m not sure how to get a hat that will actually fit, as they all perch on the top of my noggin!

After our spree we headed out back and jumped in a taxi that took us all the way back to the hotel I have to admit to being a tad nervous as the driver was struggling with the controls as though he was wrestling an alligator the others didn’t notice as they were in the back playing with the TV yes that’s right the TV! We chilled awhile then headed back downstairs to do a bit of gambling (well it would be rude not to) and a little drinking (it would be really rude not to)so we stayed close to home and roamed the floor looking for one cent machines(the last of the big gamblers we are !) like a herd of deer out on the Serengeti, and after a few hours doing this I wondered if anybody else was hungry and fancied something to eat, it was there that our problems really started as we could order any pizza at the hotels pizzeria long story short in the city that never sleeps on a Monday night he hotel pizzeria wanted to close at midnight let’s just say we took the pip and took our custom elsewhere but we couldn’t decide where  , we wandered up the strip and found it was the same at the next casino I don’t remember which I was hungry full of drink and in pain on the way back they wouldn’t hold the tram for me so I just get on walking I really did think I was back in Newcastle , we headed off to Walgreens got a couple of sandwiches and went to bed where I believe the other half of the team gambled a bit more and then G got his nuts stuck in a machine another long story which isn’t really suitable for the younger reader!