Rain on the scarecrow

Rain on the scarecrow.

I have to be careful now as people (the wife) are getting suspicious that I seem to be doing a little bit more writing of late oops don’t want to give the game away, anyway onwards and well if I’m honest sideways!

Whatever you do please don’t mention the R word!

A late night after such a heavy day was a bad move but with Junior having so much problem getting to sleep it really wasn’t much of an option, but I went over relatively quickly and I was aware of both of my alarms going off but I blinked again and again I was scrambling to be ready for my lift, who was in retarded mode from the second I got in the car (bless him) I have some assistants at work now and I’m trying to do some tough love with them to see how they react nothing heavy I just want to see how they think, but if they don’t and just plod on they ain’t the person for the job, anyway my lift didn’t want to do what I asked him, so I have to admit (I was tired) that I would drag his body out into an open field and leave it there I had no intention of burying it, I told him if I wanted his input I would ask for it and for him to wind his neck in, well as usual he was so blinkered he tried to again get his point across, I was so mad I asked him to stop the car so I could kick in the seat of his pants without the possibility of me causing a crash, when he realised that I was deadly serious he shut up and the rest of the journey was suffered in silence I got out of the car at the other end and stomped off in a right foul mood(did I tell you that I was tired) I then raged like Attila the Hun for the next two hours ragging people who weren’t doing their jobs and basically being a twat, the word soon got round like a signal being sent around by jungle drums.

I got to the control room just as a contractor was being abusive to one of the lads, I have to admit to being a tad impolite and when he realised that the lunatic in front of him ( yes I wasn’t standing behind the bullet proof glass this time) was his only hope of actually being allowed to work on site today he calmed (I wish I could of) down and he actually apologised thankfully as I was about to crash and burn, I settled down to start reading all the stuff I had to do and the hour was up as soon as it had started, and if I’m honest I have no recollection of it. Today was going to be my second day of hell but at least I could stay in the office and crack on doing all the paperwork I had to do. The audit started virtually straight away although I was left to my own devices ( I wondered if word of my stroppiness had got around) and pretty soon I was again lost in lots of work that probably would have took our temp half the time it took me but I was tired and I was really struggling to focus, the auditor went for a jolly jaunt around site so I decided to go see the wife who was on site having her hair done (thanks Mo) and a friendly face was enough to perk me up and give a second wind (and not of the flatulence kind) I grabbed a sandwich and headed back to my office but I noticed everybody kept their distance from Mr. Angry, I wasn’t bothered at this point most of the nuggets think they should get paid no matter how retarded they act.

Break over the audit came into the big office and I sat at the back getting on with my work until it was my time to see the Spanish inquisition, what I didn’t realise was that everytime a question was asked I answered (silently) the question, telling the answer the way it should be told, (I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was even doing this) just one word answers, try not to give too much away that’s the game, after the auditor took me to one side and said I had cheered him up as he was actually watching me and waiting for my answers rather than the ones being proffered by the person the questions were being targeted, consequently when a good 40 % of the audit was supposed to be directed at me and the work I do, I actually got asked two questions (result) at this point my lift turned up to apologise (by this time I was shattered so I didn’t really care) for being a tit and I bet you a pound to a penny he still doesn’t know what he did wrong he just knows that he upset the one person that has his back and who can dictate the amount of work that heads his way.  The audit for me was over (just like the war) I turned to completing the work that I wouldn’t be able to do over the next ten days and again I was soon lost in the work, it wasn’t until after five that I realised how tired I was and the fact that there was a lot of happiness in the rooms around me that it was time for me to get the hell out of dodge, not before I had a hissy fit because I thought I had lost my mobile(that will be the one charging in the socket you Muppet) the wife told me that she was nearly there, with Junior in tow so we could take him home early as the eldest wasn’t well, we were quite giddy as we walked back up the hill to the car because it meant that the holiday was drawing ever closer.

On the way home I offered a Chinese meal as a treat (gratefully accepted) and I was soon blinking on the settee full of prawns and pineapple, then it was time to go and get the youngest from college I sat in the car quiet and for a change I wasn’t thinking about a dozen things that I had to the next day at work! so I was probably just a tad too quiet and the wife was a bit concerned, but in reality I soon pulled myself out of my little rut and we arrived in Gateshead to the sounds of ELO as the rain started to fall and at this point I felt like a scarecrow (did I need to go and see the wizard of Oz probably because I felt I was losing all my stuffing) our youngest (blind long story don’t ask) daughter jumped in the car and halfway back the IPod shuffle hit some Jeff Foxworthy the American comedian who highlights the Redneck way of life (didn’t I tell you not to mention the R word) and I do have to admit to having a chuckle all the way home.

The rest of the night was spent writing this and eating jelly babies (no I’m not pregnant) and fine tuning it as this will probably be the last time during the holiday I get to write up the day as it happens from here on in its my little black book of notes and hopefully my brain cells remember why I scribbled at the time of doing what I did. It now starts to get interesting the mother of all road trips starts here and now.......

Oh and please don’t mention the R word.