Tidal (Happy Ending).

OK so the last one was a tad bleak lets hope this one is like a Hollywood movie and has a happy ending although I can't guarantee it!

So the day after the depressing blog (and I actually deleted about sixty percent of it as it was so black) I woke in a good frame of mind, which is always the way to start the day, all I ask for out of life is to wake up happy, the day may slide from there and that I can handle that, because it's down to me to sort it out from there but it really does need to start from a happy place otherwise I'm screwed. I had a quick breakfast and headed out to the bus and thankfully there wasn't a lot to bother me, a short trip to my destination for the day, bus journeys are the same everywhere if your a local you go for the same seat every time, if you can! if you can't, well then you tend to get stared at (as this is a local bus for local people). I kept my head down after the previous day of me been a pain in the ass, so I thought low profile was the order of the day, the main concern for me at this moment in time if I'm honest, do I keep my beard? or get rid of it? (not how to feed the world shocking isn't it) I do hate shaving but its at the stage where its annoying me more than it does other people so maybe it has outlived it's usefulness, something I'm still pondering as I sit and type this little ditty!

I was concerned for the old man of the house as he had been poorly, not that I could have been of any help (I wasn't in the house) it doesn't mean that I couldn't have a little concern for him, I was still powering through the day as full of positivity as I could muster , dancing between items and using my blackberry to deal with things back on site, but as the day went on the good vibe melted like three day old snow in our back yard, it was taking an age to get home and because of it I was going to miss a friends birthday party (probably just as well when you consider the mood I was in) the wife was there and she wasn't in the best of shape with her back and other stuff and we sat and chilled in a semi conscious kind of way (and no alcohol was consumed shocking I know)we watched TV and I avoided the internet big style although I wasn't unhappy, I wasn't being user friendly so keeping myself isolated from the world was a good thing (trust me), we headed to bed in the early hours and slept!

I awoke to the bark of the old man wanting out and with the feeling that the hand of doom was on my shoulder and I really couldn't shake it no matter what I tried (a really crap start to the day)I was generally full of anger and hatred directed at every living thing out there in the whole wide world, the wife crept up on me like a fecking Ninja (talk about kick start your heart feck!) who knew she could creep on you as good as that or has my deafness crept back in? The day wasn't helped by my trustworthy lap top sticking to fingers up at me, which if I'm honest always sends me over the edge , I was needing to vent in a major way but actually had no actual outlet and I was trying to steer away my stroppiness from the wife as it really isn't fair to take it out on her (although that's what she does to me) as for once she hadn't actually done anything wrong (ooops!) we gathered our wits and headed out to post some books to people (I was expecting storm troopers from South Shields as the wife had been distracted earlier in the week) while waiting in the post office I literally had to leave I honestly felt like I was drowning (and not waving) my mood took an even darker turn while I was standing outside and I could see the wife getting her bomb disposal suit out of her bag as she knew this wasn't good! we continued doing what we had to but it wasn't going well and I started to snap at all the silly things you do when your in a huff  (me with my reputation) after my last little strop I was herded towards a task I had been putting off for months (and I mean months) going through my post and getting rid of everything that wasn't needed, I have to admit an hour and a bit of tearing paper up and I was in a jolly mood (you mean you couldn't tell?) I even phoned somebody to cancel something off my credit card without prompting (OK so it took me thirteen months.....I've been busy).

I have to admit I really don't understand what's causing me to second guess what I'm doing with my life or why the hell I'm as stroppy as I have been (can we go back to Vegas please) I don't feel as though I'm not actually in control of my own destiny (yes ladies I know I'm a married man so I'm not in control anyway) I'm not even sure about throwing the hand grenade at work was the best thing to do, things seem of late as though all my best laid plans seem to spiral out of my control even with my best intentions (I really have crapped in some bugger's teapot somewhere down the line!) The answer would be to go and light the beacons and get the Tee Hee Club to attend to my needs (G where areyou when you are required) but with different game plans that is definitely not going to happen sometimes I seem as though I'm running at full speed with no plan or direction (again yes ladies I know I'm a man did I not mention this already) with a dose of rampant paranoia thrown in for good measure, I decided to make dinner and at around this time phones started to ring and it was nice to hear the wife talk to people (I'm not really good on telephones didn't you know I was a Luddite) sometimes interaction with other people is a good thing (no matter how bad I am at it) and the joy was coming back into my mood (bet you didn't see the Hollywood ending coming did ya's!) the TV was kept off and my I Pod was put on as I'm trying to sort out stuff for the next Jubilee reunion musically (like a fool I nodded in agreement when the wife offered my services) and listening to familiar music has definitely brought back a good vibe although I'm now unhappy with the tracks I have put on, so back to the drawing board but in a good way lots of plotting and other such stuff!

The blogs numbers have tailed off slightly, I have a feeling the poisonous vibe must be infecting the readership so back to the good old ways, but as always these things are like the tides and I'm aware of that if I could just keep a continuous good vibe going I would be pleased, is all this writing a cry for help no I'm no longer the miserable person I used to be I just seem  to be, but storm clouds seem as though they batter my harbour walls far too regularly for my liking! but we can but try and weather the storm and say Foxtrot Oscar (book number two and still available at blurb.com) to the world and all the people who get in your way.

And that's the blog, I hoped you liked it (actually I don't I write the buggers for my own enjoyment) things are heading upwards and hopefully I might even do one tomorrow although tomorrow is a day I'm not looking forward to but I'm a big boy and need to grow a set and get on with life remember live each day like it's your last (because potentially it is)and if anybody is still interested I still haven't decided what to do with the beard (answers to dontgivearatsass.com)and to cheer myself up just that little bit more I'm off in search of my video of the dancing Chav (cheers G) and I will see you all on the next tide so until then Toodles!