OK so you should know if you have read the previous blogs that although things haven't been great, things have returned (finally) to an even (ish)keel , you will all know that I threw a hand grenade the other week, well here's the tale of the fallout to warn you of what's ahead .....Tee Hee!
I smelt a rat (a nasty big one at that)and I decided to do a little digging and I was soon aware of land mines left in my path (please be aware for legal reasons there will be lots of metaphors and false leads) which because I do things properly for things like this, I was well prepared for, I had had a sense of impending doom which I couldn't shake, so I ducked and I dived and generally did a lot of soul searching. I was aware of how much time I had spent at the beginning of the year working my butt off. which my family bore the brunt of (thankfully) so I (finally) took them into the equation as well and realised that the wife was not in the best of shape and that it was potentially unfair to expect her to deal with even more of a work load and grumpiness from me. That's not to say that she was the excuse, she was actually part of the solution, I was thinking clearly for once,part of the reason why I had a double dose of paranoia was the fact that I wasn't prepared as much as I like to be, as I had explained before this wasn't a job flipping burgers and as I like to be loaded for bear if you get my drift, I decided to carry lots of ammunition. so I awoke on the Monday morning realising that this was not a good move either way, so the hard part now was actually to extract myself without causing me any blow back.
Once I had decided on what I wanted to do the rest was easy,I had an innocent look (I am a cherub) and a sanctimonious tone expressing my unhappiness that I didn't want to continue for reasons of an unnamed nature (for legal reasons they won't be mentioned in print) and a few heart to hearts explaining the reasons why to the individuals involved, there were a few relieved faces and some very nice sentiments which to be honest nearly pushed me back into it but I had made a plan and so intend to stick with it for better or worse(better for me worse for every fecker else). But I wasn't finished just yet there was still time to muddy the waters just a bit so I got my stick out and mixed the water just a tad!
There was meant to be three of us for the job, me and a guy I work with and somebody from down south I don't like finishing last even in a three horse race. I soon found out from snatched conversations that people thought I didn't hear (as there was still loads of skull duggery being played) effectively the guy from down south was a no show in all departments and people were in meltdown as they knew that his would be a five minute interview for him, four hours to get here and then thank you but no! he must have either tumbled or realised that he was as dumb as a box of frogs because his wife rang to say he wasn't attending, so it was now a one horse race and with me out to graze (well not quite) it was a straight forward winner! at this point my area manager buggered off to take a phone call of a private nature and as it was my office I had no intention of buggering off ( haha) now at this juncture I have to point out I can read really well upside down oh and I tend to speed read which is why with a chance to read a document I can counter most of the salient points in a legal argument at work, I might not know everything but it certainly looks like I do! so when he stepped out I stepped up to the conference table at the other side of where he was and read and memorised all the questions for the interview, when he came in I didn't move but continued to read and make notes from the legal document I had placed in front of me, which he took time out to see what I was doing and which I took great pleasure in going into great detail and bored him to death.
I then sat back at my desk and while continuing to consult the legal document (I'm really good at covering my tracks) and wrote down several responses to the questions then rewrote then in a totally new order to what was on his sheet and took it home with me to polish the turd that I had wrote (but it did give me the tools to re shape it as we went) I then sat and typed up what looked like my ideas for the interview (tee hee) and then sat back and enjoyed the rest of my night preparing for the day ahead a nice relaxing bath and time to make my self a little more presentable.
This morning (for legal reasons lets call my work compatriot Bill) it was time for pay back Bill looked really smart but wasn't in a suit, I had enquired what the dress code was required for the interview and yes a suit was required (oh dear) and yes I did take great pleasure in informing him that was the case (oops) it was at this moment he realised I no longer resembled Grizzly Adams that my bushy beard was now a trim and precise goatee oh and instead of looking like a bag of shite (that I think I look like in adult clothes) I looked pretty damn presentable for a change, I didn't wear my suit as that really would have pushed him over the edge and that's not what I really wanted to do to him I'm naughty not bad! He then scuttled off to sort a job but was soon back with a worried look and at the first opportunity he got me alone he asked me "I thought you had pulled out for the job" " I have why! what's the problem?" he now knew what I was up to, good luck to him I hope he gets the job but it wasn't a level playing field before, I was just scuffing up the pitch a bit and I wanted him to know that if it had been a level surface would we would have been neck and neck and if I'm honest I think he knows it. so we both went our separate ways him to worry what I was going to do next and me to well lets just say .....to have fun.
I went to several people when they had a spare moment including all of the interview panel saying "I know I'm not part of the process but here's my notes could you at least let me know if was I at least in the right direction? as I would love some constructive criticism " I have to admit that all the responses were positive (and so they fecking should I had the answers hahahaha) and a few of them looked to say "oh shit if he's this good and he's not prepared how good is he when he brings everything to the table" and again I was as always humble and thanked them for the advice and opinions and walked away with a smile inside but a pious look on the outside, I then got down to work and watched as there were indeed some funny conversations and funny looks generally aimed at my direction, as I left Bill was knee deep in to his interview in truth as it stands he's the best man for the job (at this moment in time) he has all the tools and all the information to do the job but none of the social graces to keep twenty grown bolshy blokes in tow and a degree of focus that most horses have when they are racing (yes folks I meant blinkered). It's out of my hands now (again maybe not hahahaha) I have a few cunning plans and some interesting twists still to come into play,that I shall watch to see how they play out, but the game isn't finished just yet so watch this space.
Am I bad boy I don't think so I could have really poisoned the well and that's not really my style if I'm not the man for the job fine and dandy I just like it to be fair for everybody. I will say for the record if it was an even race from the start I certainly would not have done what I did today I believe in being honest I really do and that is part of my problem others aren't, sometimes though I wish the rest of the world was as well.So tomorrow brings the week nearly to a close, Friday shall remain a day of joyous noise from me and feck everybody else the weekend beckons as does the The Boo Hoo Club but that's OK I'm in a good place so I intend to do as much of "Piffle" as I possibly can so have a great time and I will see you all soon...Toodles!
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