All there is to say

So on the nicest day of the year I retreated as far back into the darkness as best as I could, for what reason…..because I wanted to, I believe I need beaten with a big stick, a week of drudgery at work and me being the happy go lucky person that we all know and love (cough splutter), yes I’m still going for my treatment, but and it’s a big but, it’s my treatment that is (in my humble opinion) making more and more issues than I previously thought I had! I was struggling with what I thought was one problem now it seems it’s got a gang and they are intent on kicking the living shit out of me!

I feel as though I am sabotaging all efforts to stem the tide (I’m told I have unimaginable high standards….must be true, a Dr told me), again simply because I can, I’m not going to go into too many details here (basically because I’m trying to write a book about it……..D’oh!) let’s just say the wife as always deserves a medal. As I sit here typing doing a rain dance and praying for the good weather to go away (I love the rain) I realise that I need to give my head a bloody good shake……..pfft maybe tomorrow!

Blogging hasn’t been the top of the list(go figure) although numbers of previous blogs have gone through the roof again for some reason, so in a sad way it has brought me a little ray of sunshine, but you know that will never last, simple things this week have been the major cause for concern, that and along the gimp mask it looks like I have to have fitted, all of my health issues starting to pile up and here’s me burying my head in the sand like an ostrich, I know life is fast approaching to kick me in my petite rear! It’s like I have at some point driven the car I’m travelling into a wall and have gotten unscratched out and gone looking for another vehicle to go do the same all over again just at a greater speed, (I feel as though I should be in the running for a Darwin award) so I sit here late on a Saturday night welcoming the darkness and before I head up the wooden hill to (stop breathing on a regular basis apparently) sleep, I thought I would let slip the dogs of war and get this out into the ether just to let you know Mr Grumpy is still in residence, but I am walking with all the speed I can muster towards a happier place (allegedly) and for the time being that’s all there is to say on the matter, until the next time ……….Toodles!

A hobby that got out of hand

Ok so I’m not dead as a few people have seen fit to say, I haven’t committed suicide (WTF) won the lottery or any of the more outlandish suggestions that has been sent to me, probably to see if I would react, and to be honest I have realised I blog for me, not for you lot, I’m not a performing seal or monkey (the wife might disagree on that last one) now if you remember what I said at the beginning of the year I was just going to go with the flow, if I had something to write about I would, if I didn’t I wasn’t going to, hells bells you could get thirty four blogs this week, you never know. I have had no life changing momentous epiphany, I have just literally been reading a few books (yeah me with my reputation) and generally just flowing with the go. I was contacted yet again by Farcebook saying that yet again someone had set up an account using my photographs and the such like, urging greater vigilance another reason for not publishing my real name etc on here! I am seriously considering retreating from all forms (see how I feel tomorrow) of social media with the exception of the blog, I have been hacked so many times it’s starting to get annoying, I like making new friends whether I know the individuals personally or not but it’s turning into a drag and I’m wondering that my friends (shhh you know who I am talking about the R word) have caught up with me as they seem to have nothing better to do, maybe I’m just a tad paranoid, but the whole idea of social networking is to be social able (something I’m not renowned for ….but I am trying) what’s the point if you have to have settings set to kill!

The blog well even though I haven’t written anything for a while still has had over 200 views this week, so maybe somewhere down the line I must be doing something right (that’s a first) I had a couple of false starts with a blog earlier on in the week but they were cul de sacs and I’m glad I put myself into reverse because believe it or not I’m on a roll for being (reasonably) happy (honest I am) what have I been up to well let’s see……..

Me and the wife went to have a look at a new house ( I need to rob a bank) the cunning plan never even got us through the first line of Flak we were strafed by fighter cover and shot at by 88’s from the ground (sorry reliving my childhood) we retreated both disillusioned that we were spotting climbing over the fence on the first attempt, I actually took it harder than the wife and went straight into I hate the world mode, which the wife put up (for just a short while) then dragged me off to the birthday party of the lord of the hounds, and although I didn’t drink I pulled myself out of my funk (thank you dear) enough to converse with friends who I love but miss, simply because we hardly travel to see anyone anymore (the world hates us hahaha) we got there fashionably on time (well ok slightly late) but everybody was having a great time (I went as a white Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop….it was an eighties themed party) there was great costumes but the birthday boy was the one who excelled and won hands down, well done that man. We left around one and headed home in some of the worst fog I had seen in ages. I started to blog the next day but wasn’t feeling the vibe so left my notes to one side and carried on with life the universe and everything else.

The week continued in a similar vein as Saturday morning had and again I kept a low profile, many legal issues to deal with at work (normally not an issue I just wasn’t motivated at all) Monday I was left to my own devices as the wife and the youngest went to McBusted and had a fab time (which I’m so glad for them). I went for my treatment on Wednesday (the new book 17000 words and counting) and encountered things that I had never really considered (feelings ….I mean WTF who invented them) and there was some cracks in the dyke, a long road ahead and something I will cover in the new book not here, let’s just leave it at this exact point in time…….it’s getting interesting!

As usual I come out of the treatment in a funk (emotionally exhausted is the official term) and it’s at this point I really don’t want to converse with anybody never mind the world, however SMOR had been on to the wife and it appears that we were off to see Magnum (damn I feel old I remember seeing them support Blue Oyster Cult sometime 78/79ish) so I went with the minimum fuss, I wasn’t equipped to deal with the wife at this point, my only problem the venue is a standing venue only, I knew my knees were going to bear the brunt ah well no pain no gain! We got there and the wife did a bit of skull doggery (and no I couldn’t possibly tell you for legal reasons what that was) we got there to actually enjoy the support band (Neon Fly) who were alright in a youthful kind of way but as always the sound in the venue was …..How can I describe it…..oh yes shite! I might go dig the album out on you tube at some point, a less complicated version of Dragonforce with someone who could sing and actually use the stage area, even though the rest of the band did throw in a couple of Germanic Accept poses here and there! Five out of ten (purely because I’m hyper critical) and because the venue sound is as I have already stated ….Shite!

Magnum I have seen so many times, I have lost count, but in the late seventies and early eighties it was usually a tie between them and Budgie who was the most seen support band, and since they have reformed a few years ago, I have been to see them a few times what annoys me now is that Bruce Forsyth…… I mean Bob Catley (bless him at 96 and still touring) and it now takes him a few songs to get warmed up, and because they have a new album they insist on doing forty minutes of admittedly nice (new) material but if you haven’t got the new album people get distracted and start doing Farcebook rather than enjoy the gig, it wasn’t bad but a 100 minute gig and only six……and I mean six old songs, come on give us a fecking break! Maybe why they only got 503 people in (I know somebody who works at the venue) I admire the fact that they don’t want to rest on their laurels but its ever decreasing numbers say something, people really do want to hear the classics, besides that a good gig (in a shite venue ooops sorry sarcastic button stuck in) never mind a good intro for the coming weekend!

Thursday and Friday passed in a haze again my get up and go had got up and fucked off but I made it across the winning line in an orderly fashion, Thursday I attended the Drs to be told I wasn’t as sick as I had originally thought (woo hoo) although I did ask about my snoring which allegedly is like watching Slayer in the front row…..FUCKING LOUD!  And I’m being sent to see if I need a gimp mask watch this space for further updates! Friday was well let’s just say Friday I got through the day with no mishaps  only to get home and discover that Fish had cancelled the opening couple of dates of his tour due to illness with a band member and yes you guessed it the gig I was going to was one of them (mind you this morning the whole tour had been cancelled not nice…..get well soon Mr Boult) so I was deflated over going to conquer the gig especially after what happened last year, the gig has been rescheduled already but to be honest, I have decided not to go, must be an age thing, if you are going please feel free to enjoy but I have decided to stay in and wash my hair on that night!

Then we just had to get through the weekend of babysitting the Hurricane who was really well behaved (although still a bloody Hurricane) we returned him to the arms of a loving set of parents and so not to waste the day we got our glad rags on and went for lunch, at our local spoons which thankfully when you consider it’s a bank holiday weekend was mercifully not full, the food was OK and the youngest turned up and we fed her as well (well it would have been rude not too) a few drinks for myself (in reality the first of the year) the wife went home feeling tired (erm ok) although we were only ten minutes behind her we put her to bed as soon as we got in (the hurricane catching up with her and not the drink I hasten to add as she only had one drink) and I disappeared off to listen to some more music (so far this weekend:- Clutch, Free, Big Wreck, The Pursuit of Happiness, Rick Springfield, Fishbone, Yes and some Tackhead all good stuff and the day is still young let’s see what comes over the horizon), then I read all the emails and felt slightly obligated to do something new if just to keep the Scandinavian contingent slightly happy! Me I’m Ok not happy not sad and so far (touch wood) I haven’t disappeared in a haze of over eating, now if  I could just get motivated enough to get out of the house at some point I might start living this thing we call life! So there you go I hope it’s enough to please the swarming masses, live long and eat cheese or some other kind of such nonsense, watch the skies you never know when I might have more thoughts on the life of a grey man until then……. Toodles!

Bucketmania!

The sun broke through the curtains and the morning that so many people had been waiting for had arrived, the Buckets playing the City Hall, 30 years of Bucketmania all in one place, this was indeed going to get messy!

The original plan had been to go with G and E, fate kicked us all in the balls for that one, but tickets purchased we had to go through with it otherwise a certain lady would have got off her sick bed and kicked our ass big style! As always we had a few tasks to complete, little chores and in-between them I checked in on Farcebook to see who was going and to keep an eye on excitement levels, it added a great feeling seeing so many people happy and excited about some local boys doing so well. Pictures were being posted and old tracks from YouTube, all added to the buzz, I was nearly tempted to dig out my old cassette “Sex Drugs & Sausage Rolls” but time and technology got away from me. The youngest was going to attend with us, bless her, her debut Buckets gig this indeed could get messy!

The daughter headed off to meet up with her friends to enjoy the sunny day, me I was to some degree dreading the night, if you have been reading some of the previous blogs, you will see that I have been undergoing some treatment, and although I’m being told it’s going well at times it seems to be having the opposite effect! Nerves were getting the better of me hells bells it’s not like it was me getting on the stage, so I did my little mind exercises, did all      the tricks I had been taught, onwards was the order of the day.

The wife went off to sort the Kraken who was grumbling that we didn’t care (WTF) Kraken corralled and watered, the wife could then start getting ready, my intention was to play it cool and not wear my Buckets T-shirt and I was going to try and act all nonchalant, yeah you guessed it, I wanted to be loud and proud for my support of all things Buckets! One bright orange Buckets T-shirt later, All ship shape we headed off with lots of time to spare (what just happened there) and we took a pleasant jaunt from Gimpsville to the big city stopping for fuel on the way in with a slight detour to buy some Easter eggs to no avail some greedy bastard had got them all, before anybody starts saying I’m a nugget for leaving it so late, sorry but it was a late curve ball thrown at me, as it’s usually the wife who does the chocolate shopping (me with my reputation, it wouldn’t get home!) detour complete we got our usual parking space close in the heart of Newcastle and connected with the youngest. Heading towards the City Hall I had a rather large grin on my face at the sight of so many Buckets T-shirts!

We were about eighth in the queue and we were quiet happy to be there, the only bug bear was the gig was unreserved seating so I figured it was going to be a mad dash for seats, the wife went walkabout and turned up inside waving at me and the youngest from behind the entrance doors, she got the information required for T-shirts and stuff, then finally arrived back in place as the queue started to grow and grow and grow, it was almost like the Lambton Worm (ok let’s not go there) Charlotte started to take pictures from inside to the masses outside the doors (damn it was like the 70’s & 80’s all over again) doors finally opened we rushed to get our T-shirts (I was so nice I bought one for all of us) and then dashed off to claim the seats we had carefully planned to get, slight curve ball as they had been reserved for crew members, we jumped in the next row and got settled, smiling as we saw so many people that we knew and hadn’t seen for so long, it really was like old days waving to people in the balcony and all around, admittedly my eyesight is shocking these days so if I missed anybody please forgive me I wasn’t being ignorant just blind!

Now for the important part, I wasn’t sure what to expect, was there going to be a support band? We just didn’t know we didn’t have a Scooby doo (but we did get Scooby doo later haha thanks Smog) but when Kev Bucket walked on stage with the biggest shit kicking Grin anyone has ever seen we knew that this indeed was going to be a special night, am I going to review the gig fuck no if you have seen the Buckets, you know what we got nearly three hours of awesomeness, a couple of complaints, firstly where was the high wire entrance from upstairs on to the stage? No pyro? Come on boys it’s the Hall! No giant Bucket as a drum riser! well all I can say it was still fucking awesome, however I promised my daughter some Opera, I feel as though I let her down on that score, and the crowd although they enjoyed it most of the gig was sat on their ass! Even with my dodgy knees, which because of all the standing destroyed my groin, oh, that looks so wrong written down but its true I was crippled, fuck me I even danced, well ok I sort of swayed from side to side from time to time! The magic of music hahahaha, the old farts sat behind us only complained once about us being out of our seats (thankfully) I really didn’t want murder and mayhem to be the headline in the local papers on Sunday morning! As a gig it was pretty damn good and enters my top five gigs of all time with a bullet, not bad when you consider I have been visiting the City Hall since 1976! damn good boys damn fucking good! Actually not bad since I have watched various lines up since about 1988 over about 100 times! Definitely the most watched band ever for me…..go figure!

The three hours were all over way to quick, a cracking end to a cracking gig and a fantastic touch for Malcom (you really had to be there) it was great seeing Trevor sing again for the boys, but was it just me but did his eye brows stand out for anybody else or was it just me that thought they looked like some kind of special effect or maybe it was the lighting, I didn’t mind though because he sang all my faves Caledonia and Red Hot, still no California Man I think I shall stopping hurling abuse…..I mean requesting it. We finally met up with G who was sat at the back with some of the Shields Bunch and it made me feel even better seeing them, but we didn’t hang around for the after show although G asked us, it just didn’t feel right and the wife would have upset one or two people who kept well out of our way (wonder why) the wife was starting to sink with a bad headache not helped by a couple of the white lights aimed at the crowd, we said our goodbyes or should I say au revoir as we did to Charlotte’s mum who was taking in all of the atmosphere as everybody streamed out of the venue, surely there has to be a proposal from a certain lady to a certain bass player I know just the right band to play the wedding hahaha!

A quick call in to work on the way home (I know I’m a sad bastard) brought about the expected mayhem as people went into panic mode as I turned up at around 11.30, so funny to find a body sprawled on the floor as he simply couldn’t get out the way quick enough, really do you not like the mischief that normally follows my presence at work, tee hee, deed done we headed back to Gimpsville and deposited the youngest back at the Kraken’s lair , we got the hell out of dodge before she went into full on twist mode, and got back in time for the wife to just want to crawl into bed and die…..quietly!

This morning the world tilted and any cunning plans were thrown out the window, I got up late and the wife didn’t, but when she did she was like the walking dead, another visit to the Dr’s and hopefully some bloody answers, as I type this up I look back on a great gig with some wonderful people, and even though we were not able to get to the Big Ginger Git’s and Bluebeards Easter Bunny Hop, I’m sure it will be a great day, now just to pick up the pieces do the dishes and veg out, I’m not back to work until late Wednesday all I can say is that the Buckets made me do it! Until next time……………..Toodles!

Return of Broken Hoop

Ok so a low profile has been kept purely because I have been so ill with squirty problems,  the hoop was well and truly broken! so today we return as lords of this world and go and meet peeps in a public house to have a beer or two with various peeps from around the country!

The ten days that I have been laid low has curtailed my interaction with anybody, mainly because I was so scared that I was going to infect the world with my bad case of Bottom Ebola, I have been like a loppy dog, and no I haven't enjoyed it at all, weak as a kitten and generally feeling pap! What little contact I actually have with the outside world has been curtailed to such a degree I feel quite light headed as I head out into the big bad world later today.

A return to work tomorrow (with the exception of my knees it's been my first sick leave in 22 years and tomorrow  is my 28th work birthday, not bad for some place I was only going to stay at for 6 weeks admittedly not in the same job, although it appears clots do rise to the top!) and a whole list of cunning plans which will crash and burn more than likely, but hey ho it's going to fun (watch this space). A return to writing, as I haven't done any since taking poorly is a must, as a run up to the Buckets 30th anniversary gig, number one on my list now that I'm not infectious is to see G & E, we both feel as though we cut adrift their lifeboat, but we couldn't or in actual fact wouldn't put E through what I have had, even if she wasn't a patient at Cherry B! there is one or two peeps I wouldn't have minded giving it to though!

As for Chaos and mayhem well I think it will be a slow build up to the coming weekend, but there is the potential for a epic blog coming your way next week, that's not to say that there won't mayhem today but chaos will be curtailed as I want to break myself in gently if you get my drift, I'm gutted that I won't get a Buckets T shirt next weekend, but we all have to live with disappointment in our life ack ack ack!

Now that's this is done I'm not expecting huge numbers but please be aware I have a number of items on the boil, so watch the skies  there is a lot of work coming your way, I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, I will let you lot decide so until the next time .....Toodles!

Cherry B

So here is the third and final blog on how E is doing, why the final one, well plenty of people are able to get the message out, and to be honest I don’t want to bore people with my version of how the lady in question is doing, and I certainly don’t want peeps to think that I am the font of all knowledge, I’m not I’m just a concerned friend of a very special (and  much loved) person.

A very elaborate viewing programme was now in place, we aren’t the only people who wants to visit our friends and we weren’t greedy, we weren’t able to go as often as we would have liked, we had other issues to deal with and again other people needed to visit, the week had dragged and we contended ourselves with reports from G on the patients progress and the insults he was receiving on a daily basis (that in itself is a great thing) and finally Wednesday arrived.

Straight away there was a lesbian affair or so I was told, I was polishing my glasses so missed the whole thing, but I did hear the wife getting whispered platitudes from the lady in the bed, the wife was given instruction on how to do Foof Fanning (a lot more complicated than you could imagine) and then for some insane reason the ladies broke into Mary Poppins the musical…..please don’t ask just take it from me it’s a good thing……….I think!

E had a raging thirst but she was being given her regulation wall paper paste to drink (well that’s what it looked like to me) and G was being very strict as to what position she was required to be in so that it all went down the right way, cue lots of old jokes and much hilarity mainly from the patient herself and finally she informed us all that “these beds are fucking shite” I was quite concerned for another patient who was snoring like an outboard motor and was quite frankly putting me in the shade, and she seemed to be such a frail old thing!

At this point E as always was asking news of her subjects ….erm I mean friends and she was thrilled that lots of you had read the blogs and she was determined to have a read herself, unfortunately the mobile phone was proving a little difficult to read so G whipped out his big boy (that’s his IPad to the uninitiated) I now have my instructions and I have to see how I can do a spoken word version so that E can hear my dulcet tones doing my best Stephen Fry impersonation, another reason why this trilogy will be coming to a close tonight.

E had by this time be glammed up, hair brushed by…. well herself and others who wanted to help, she had nail varnish and looked almost like herself although she does look tired, well she is worrying about the world having to deal with an unfettered G! The wife and G were in full on nurse mode and me well to be honest, I just got in the way and sat looking (cough splutter) pretty! We had a patient that had suffered a number of heart attacks and was not going quietly, either move the poor woman to a more private place or provide everybody else with ear defenders, the noise was most off putting, I have no idea how E didn’t get out of bed and smother her (I’m not being cruel just making an observation the woman was in pain), we returned our attention back to E who was considering Foof platting, and my fragile constitution was shaken to the core, we fought with her to get her sassy inflatable leggings back on and G will be a qualified Anaconda wrestler after E is done in hospital, it could just possibly be E getting him back for all the mischief he has caused over the years.

G himself was as always being naughty, well not really he was just getting the patient to do some things for herself, although the cursing only went up by a modicum. We soon departed and life as always went on. The week continued and we awaited any news that G had to give us, the very next day E was moved to Cherry Burn a rehab centre, but not the preferred option, but we are led to believe that the preferred option have accepted her, so all we can do now is to wait on the bed! G again had a lot to deal with and again I can only sing his praises for his fortitude, I know for a fact that I would have been a wreck by this point, also not helped by the Halifax being total Cocks! Don’t worry a special kind of hell is being worked out for the troops who cannot deviate from instructions, I’m so glad that after the banking crisis and all that we did for them that compassion has blossomed in their hearts and they wish us all nothing but goodwill ……..continued at lyingthievinglazyarseholes.com! Go figure!

The weekend arrived along with travel documents to see E at her penthouse suite and we arrived at what is left of the old General hospital (where I had my first ever operation at the age of five and a whole blog on the nightmares that were associated with it …..Even for the shortest time us kids are resilient) thankfully the rehab place wasn’t so derelict (it was actually quite nice) again it felt strange learning how to gain access to another ward once in we found E in her own cubicle and G flashed the fact that Motley Crue had been shoved into the wardrobe, it appears they are there simply to lie on the patients “sweaty tits” her words not mine, this time I had forgot to take my little black book to make notes and there was so much that I forgot 90%, it was good to see E relax once she knew that I didn’t have my little black book and the conversation flowed and it’s great to see her start on the long road ahead, let’s be under no illusion she has a long way to go, but with G by her side she can’t ask for a better companion who will not only be a hard taskmaster but a loving husband ( I know she will set her ninja’s on me but you know what I don’t care) the message is getting out there and she knows that she is loved one step at a time let’s keep giving our love and support to both of them.

Is Cherry Burn the best place I don’t think it will be, it appears under staffed and again they can’t be deviated from instructions, making G sit outside in his car because of rules, G understands that there are certain things that need to be done when he is not there but what would have happened if he didn’t have a car  would he have to walk the grounds for two hours as instructed, I understand that there are rules to be followed, but someone who has nowhere to else to go and can basically do more for the patient than what appears to be actually happening, I’m aware that the NHS has problems, this is not a critique but if a helpful person is ejected because of the “rules” then you really are up shit creek, because essentially this person wants to support the staff and not be a hindrance, who wants to assist in the rehabilitation of his wife and is prepared to do the small things that the staff seem not to have the time to do! It’s not all good but we make the best of it and offer our support

That brings the trilogy to a close, I’m not the mouth piece for either G or E I just felt I had to let as many people know what was happening from my view point, they do need all the love and support that everybody (a cast of millions) can provided, some of our prayers have been answered but not all of them lets continue with the support for a great couple, they need every bit of love we can send them. Until the next time …..Toodles!

 

Two Hundred

So here we go 200 blogs and this one is low key I’m not even going to promote the bloody thing, as I have to admit the shine is off the apple, my friend is still very poorly and no I do not intend to fire off fireworks to celebrate the blog  , I intend to do 200 words then post it and then slink off into the darkness and hopefully do another blog tonight yes that would be number 201, for what it’s worth I have a ton of writing to get on with and that’s exactly what I intend to do!

So here we go the first 199 have been hard work, but still a pleasure, as allegedly it helps with my therapy, I have had some great responses and some downright rude, silly, awful etc. Please delete as you find appropriate, at least I haven’t had any death threats (yet) I should probably keep my mouth shut on that one….for now!

Short and sweet I promised short and sweet is what I delivered thanks for sticking with this sad old fart, I’m here for the long run so until something better comes along (yeah right) ……err Toodles!

Dignity

Here we go again, although this one will be considerably shorter than my previous blog, but E has asked me to try and keep everybody in the loop regarding her health.

E had been moved to a ward and we spent Tuesday trying to work out where it was, thankfully my wife had left with tons of free time purely so that we could indeed find it in the maze that is the RVI, that's the thing when you build super hospitals you need to be super to find your way around them! We arrived before G and his Sis and we finally met A who E keeps insisting is a brother from another mother, we hunkered down in the corridor as this ward had a strict policy on visiting, I wasn't going to get to see E on this visit as I said in previous posts I was just glad to see that she was getting better, and my intention was purely to try and support G, everybody else did the deed and at the end of it we headed out of the area, me and the wife went with G for a coffee and G had biggest Jaffa cake in the world and a cup of that foul American brew (not that I mind Americans I just hate the smell of coffee)as they drank I people watched for a while and had to shake my head a few times.

Once we finished G said he would walk us back to the car as he had some time to kill before heading back to the ward, as we were parked on the wrong side of the hospital it was going to be a hike, we set off in a northerly direction (you really did need a bloody compass) I noticed that the wife was getting just a tad flush, just as she did one of her world famous "now would be a really good time to collapse" routines thankfully both me and G noticed and grabbed her as she went backwards faster than a tanker getting launched on a Wallsend slipway, cue lots of young doctors rushing to see if they could help, they were all quite impressed (as was I) when I gave them a brief medical history and they saw I knew what I was doing, thankfully she came around just as quick as she hit the ground and we were able to get her up off the floor and onto a seat so she could compose herself, when we noticed she had fallen right outside the Falls and Syncophy clinic who said they couldn't do anything for her.

We were then escorted by a concerned G back to the car and once he was satisfied we headed home, we had new concerns for E mainly that she was on a new ward but that she was surrounded by old dears, we found A on farcebook and connected and G text late on in the day to see how my good lady wife was doing, even in amongst all the shit the guy has time to be concerned for others, that's why we love him, we arranged to visit on Friday and get radio contact through the week with some terse texts with just enough information bleeding through the lines G was concerned and rightly so.

Friday came and we had learnt our lesson, we parked closer with only a little swearing (which was good considering) and again we were first there (so we bloody well thought) and claimed our seats we thought that G was already in and we hadn't been there more than a minute when a bed came crashing out of the ward being rushed (and I mean rushed) down the corridor now I didn't get a good look, but the wife was sure it was E! I said it couldn't have been as there was no sign of G, who then appeared from the ward but G himself, looking concerned and not too happy, it appears E had nodded off to sleep as G had been leaving the afternoon visiting session and when he arrived back, she was in exactly the same position, he wasn't happy cue much talking and a dash for a CT scan, we then listened to G's concerns and I have to admit he was so level headed about it all I have to admire and give kudos for his restraint.

Lady A turned up and saw three very unhappy bunnies sat outside the ward and she was concerned straight away, thankfully E soon returned, G trailed after her like a submarine hunting a trawler he was now a man on a mission, and nothing was going to stop him. he returned and seemed happier and he dragged the rest of us in to see E and fuck the two people policy! thankfully E was waking up oblivious to the horrors that our imagination had us all thinking, and her words "have you come to see the spacka?" greeted us like a wave of happiness, now at this point if you are of a nervous disposition step away from this busted ass blog straight away, as it's getting naughty straight away and those easily offended ....well you obviously don't know E that well, although tired the old E was there softer spoken, as you would be if you had had tubes rammed down your throat for a fortnight, but she was so happy to see us and in reality this was my first time speaking to her for any length of time, the previous Saturday she was shattered and I hadn't wanted to tire her out as there were lots of people wanting to see her.

I was immediately given instructions for the next (this) blog she was most insistent that I tell everybody how she is doing and was being instructed in that way only E can do, she had titles for the blog The Spacka Wifey erm no, The Cripple Botherer (directed at G and his attempts at rehabilitation) and many more that were even more cruel than I could think off, I will admit the joy of her being there in such fine form had me close to tears a couple of times, if she had seen me she would have just told me to" man up or fuck off " or some other subtleties, we discussed everything (in turns) from cunning plans to her dignity (hence the title) holidays, Tee Hee club road trips and beyond, this is the fighter we all know and love. there was concern that Foof Fanners has the potential  to be an Olympic sport, and the search has begun for a Nikki Sixx Tommy Tipper cup, ask me next time you see me hahahahaha again E had concern for peeps not close to home asking how SMOR was doing, the lady is lying there suffering a major issue and she asks about others, she was glad that me and the wife had finally met A after all this time, E kept trying to whip lash me with her piss pipe (her words not mine) asking me to stop eyeing up her home brew (definitely Stella and it looked like 6 pints of husband beater to me) and fighting off the lavish attentions of G who claims  that copping a feel is indeed an affective therapy, thankfully because we reasonably quiet (hahahahaha yeah fucking right) we weren't rushed out even after everybody wanting to pictures of the lady in her bed/throne (all pictures covered by a D noticed and embargoed at the request of G) the two hours flew by and although we aren't out of the woods I felt buoyed by the fact that E was there, right there trying to organise a window lickers competition, as only she would!

The road is still long and hard and thankfully she has the love and support of so many people close to home and lots of people including a couple in the best village in the world! including and they will both hate me for saying it but the best person for, her real best friend and husband the one and only  G! the love between them just shines out and I hope that this gets sorted quicker than any of us can pray, why does shit always happen to good people (rant continued at Ihatescumand theyshouldalldieslowpainfuldeaths.com). we left the hospital with a little bit of a spring in our step, actually mine was a limp, I just hoped that nobody noticed. I fell off the tall kerb and nearly broke my ankle, but at least we were in the right place if I had, we got home and headed to KFC so we could tease G and send him pictures (the threats we received were not from a gentleman oh no)of our supper!

I had intended to post this yesterday but when I got up I felt like hammered shit and I had to ease myself into the day and I lay around like a loppy dog, writing other stuff (the new book) after receiving instructions from E the night before, the wife did her tasks and while I felt better she slipped the other way and I put her to bed at 7.00pm ....go figure. E has instructed me to get the word (she who must be obeyed) out to let everybody who knows her, so spread the word, the lady is a damn good fighter! if you read this on Facebook I have no objection for people clicking the like button, but please click the share button to share it on your page and give it a brief description to let people to know it's about E.......and if you have wandered into the blog and haven't worked out who E is well tough shit!

So another week comes around more cunning plans and prayers being said if I could do anything else for them I gladly would I love both E and G with all my heart and if just a few more of you do (and I know lots of you do) the good vibe will get to her lying in her throne with her home brew strapped to her faithful iron steed, if I know anything I will post in a blog (as I have the lady's permission .....ooops I will get so much shit for that hahahahaha she will have to catch me) until the next time spread the word.............Toodles!

So much for a shorter blog!