The Width Of A Room

OK so the last one I wrote when I was down in the dumps this one could be just a tad hyper as I sit here with some Cheddar cheese and some onion marmalade (I know and the wife's not happy as she has run out of hazmat suits) I have tons of ideas and while I sit here like an expectant father (book two is on it's way) waiting for the the stork to deliver my babies from San Francisco, I think I better unclutter my brain while I have the chance or at least the inclination. I had intended to do this last night but after a short burst of close action machine gun fire with the wife I was soon back in the depths of despair and I didn't want an out pouring of bile here two blogs in a row, so I thought I had better hold my tongue (yes me with my reputation) thankfully it was just a skirmish and the United Nations weren't required but I have to tread lightly a sure sign that the wife isn't well and the hours that I'm doing is starting (already) to catch up with and but as usual I wander off the path of truthfulness lets head back to the beginning!

The wife had been sore and had had a niggle in her arm for a few weeks and finally after a number of aborted attempts we got to see a GP or three all of which had contradicting ideas about what was wrong (which to be honest wasn't inspiring) when the wife went with the Kraken to see her specialist, the Kraken had been installed with yet another bionic appendage and the guy who was doing the follow up (who is an awesome DR and the top man in his field) recognised the wife had an issue he asked her to get a referral and he would see what he could do, and so the three wise men conferred and couldn't decide what to do until the wife said those magic words "my husband has private medical insurance through work" low and behold the three wise men became very happy they got rid of a problem that they didn't have a clue about and all they had to do was write a bloody letter, so literally about a week after we are sat in the Nuffield hospital waiting our turn, now as it happens we (surprise) were nearly late but thanks to some fancy foot work and some good luck (I had to dive into a moving car at around 75 miles per second it's OK I had done the risk assessment) we got there and sat and waited our turn.

I have now found what I want to do when I retire, I love to watch people (a habit I seem to have picked up off my mother) now I'm not being horrible when I say this but there are freaks in all walks of life and boy where they out in force last night (in a nice way) a private hospital and a waiting room and just about everybody else thinking that they are better than everybody else, or trying to blend in with the wallpaper well it was like mayhem was born to to be alive , the doddery old timer there by himself with the fashion sense of an eighty year old let loose in Lady Gaga's wardrobe, the lady who was so posh (all done up to the nines) that although she had took the price tags off her clothes the little plastic hangers were still hanging on and I'm not saying that she worshipped at the alter of gluttony but she had more chins than a Chinese telephone directory and please to not know the name of the consultant that you are seeing when it's about £150 for your excess good god some people should be drowned(oops sorry that's my inside voice again), the family of four who were lets just say definitely were the pick of the bunch the kids who were just dripping in designer items playing on their Iphones (read the signs you morons) the son wearing a hat perched Dappy like on the back of his head that probably cost more than my entire ensemble (I reckon at least £40 and that's for the hat not what I was wearing) the mother and father who dressed younger than their kids and nowhere near as successfully in any way shape or form and the swagger on the dad was hilarious he had more edge than a broken pisspot now I don't think that I'm a fashion guru(ask the wife she will confirm this) but come on boys and girls dress your age not your bloody shoe size.

I also marvelled that the dressage team of nurses walking from room to room trying to look busy when in actual fact they were only holding a sheet of paper! well lets just say if it was an Olympic sport we would win hands down, trust me I have done some manoeuvres with a piece of paper in my time I know experts in their field when I see them, I could go on and on (what do you mean I do ) but honestly when I retire people watching is the sport for me hey I might even write books on it hahahaha, anyway I digress (again) we got into see the man (yes I was going to get to the point) and he knew what the problem was straight away and hopefully the fix although a tad painful should not drag on we just need to spend a bit more money on a few more tests (well this is private medicine)having said that if we were still waiting on the three wise men we would still be trying to get another bloody opinion, while this way hopefully the issue could be resolved within three weeks. we then set off home and had our own little storm in a tea cup which really did poison the well as far as the blog was concerned and I have probably forgot more than I have actually written the tiff didn't last long but I didn't want to push the writing (come on boys and girls its bad enough I know I write this shite) down a side street of spleen!

We got home and another storm brewed as after I made tea (yes after a ten hour shift and sitting twiddling my thumbs in the hospital) which to be honest as far as I'm concerned is a stress buster but to be told like a little schoolboy to do the dishes (well you can imagine how happy I was) but I counted the required number and if I'm honest the wife had the grandson(again) it was just the way madam Hitler spoke to me but we got over it (when she reads this she might just invade Poland all over again and use my head as a launching pad) and the night wasn't too bad because there was no more cross words (well apart from the odd patch of heavy weather that's flatulence to the uninitiated) the night was good.

Back to work this morning for another longish shift (my choice I want to be complete by the end of march) and again if I'm honest the work keeps my head away from the storm clouds that are brewing just off shore we will know tomorrow which way they are heading, so time to batten down the hatches and hopefully sail on through to calmer waters! some of the units I inspected were good some were poor and some were just downright hilarious I do feel sorry for some people who are just basically abandoned by their head offices and left to fend (in a health and safety/ fire safety kind of way) for themselves, the best shop of the day sorry I can't name them but they do sell watches (and a clue would be they could be very old) one of the staff took a fancy to my "class" watch and wondered how much it had cost to say that they were crestfallen when they over shot the mark by roughly £1000 he thought I had said £1250 but in reality I had said £2.50 off a stall in my home town hahaha expert my arse I won't be going there to buy a new watch not when I have my class watch to sell on E bay for thousands hahahaha! I did a couple of Hairdressers as well (oooh that sounds so wrong) and they really don't give a rats ass about anything I do believe I left them with a few things to ponder (mainly legal issues hahaha) but again I started to people watch again, some bloke with as much hair as me (trust me I'm like a young Tarzan) paid £31 for a haircut and then left a tip as well (I nearly swore when I heard how much) I think I have lost all touch with reality especially because the wife won't let me have any of my own (money or reality hahahaha) so when I see somebody throw £40 for having seven hairs trimmed and trained to the right well I must be getting really old (or just plain bald).

Now where did the time go I was going to offer a short insight into what went on last night and I have rambled on like a Ronnie Corbett monologue so enough of the frivolity I have been left in charge of the grandson (again grrr) I don't remember seeing this in my contract not even in the small print so off I go and I hope you enjoy this one better than the last one the name game is in play and I really do want to see if anybody gets the name of the band from the song title I have pinched for the title of this little blog (its because of the nurses doing the walking dressage ), did I mention the new book is nearly here and is available well you get the drift not that I want to bore you all to death (well not that much not yet anyway) until the next time I get the itch and I can't get any cream for it Toodles!