You know things aren't good when I'm using Led Zeppelin song titles! hahahaha damn I gave it away Ooops! anyhoo this will just be a (very) short one, this is by way of a thank you, this is a way of saying get the feck up and carry on with life you sad sack.
You may have noticed of late I have been down in the dumps (yes I know but I promise I won't labour the point). Work which usually does help, hasn't and it has the potential for a blog(oh hell yeah it does!) but lets try and stay on the happy train, at least while it runs through this town, it really did feel like life was grinding me down (stick with me boys and girls this does get happy, honest stick with it, wait and see!) and as I said previously even writing wasn't cutting it, although the log jam was broken and ideas flowed freely it was all stuff that was of a dark vein and to be honest I wanted to move away from that, a little is fine but too much gets me locked up!
I have generally been avoiding answering e-mails and any social interaction has been kept to a minimum for the general public's protection , Imagine my surprise when I spotted an email in my inbox on farcebook (Broadsword Calling Danny Boy) and it was a belated review (I can dream can't I?) of "Piffle" nothing major just a friend I have made on-line who has been complimentary (when it has been deemed) and not so complimentary when I have done some dog doo doo on-line, you get the picture, well the email was like the dynamite in the Guns of Navarrone , It spiked these big guns, big style and I was happy hey I could be happy (OK lets not get too carried away you might think I'm a fecking hippy) but within minutes (I shit you not) I had 14 (yes count the feckers) good ideas (OK so what I think is good might not really be what anybody else thinks but who gives a rats ass!)and with the good ideas has come the good vibe and with the good vibe comes what makes me happy, and that is I have an abundance of stuff to write about mainly musical stuff and of a historical nature.
So I thought I would share why because that's the kind of guy I am and It's late in the evening here so I will fine tune the ideas (yes 14 of them) and get to grips with them tomorrow and all of them have FUN written through them like a stick of rock! what music am I listening to to keep me happy? no not Led Zeppelin but a bit of Black Sabbath hell yeah a kick ass bootleg from earlier in the year oh baby Colin's back and you really need to be scared because the new book is going to be so awesome I could explode!
The bad bit has been the wife who went down like she had been shot by a sniper earlier in the evening this time without warning, this isn't good but we will get her through this that's another reason why the next book has to be fun fun FUN! the blog has been so dour of late I need a chill pill and thanks to somebody miles away it was administered without any fuss and has set me back on the right track. I do get a few emails from readers but this one was like firing a rocket at just the right moment at the deathstar! hell the boy is back so be good and watch the skies the custard creams are back on the table until next time ...FOXTROT OSCAR hahahaha Toodles!
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Crash and Burn
I knew it was too good to last Lethargy kicked in and won, I have been sat up since five this morning deliberating whether to blog or not and now that I have, all the great ideas I have had have buggered off well we can but try, as I need something to blow the blues away!
The day yesterday didn't pan out as well as I had hoped but I did score for some glimmer of happiness after a witty burst of texting from G which lifted my spirits, and a quick visit from my brother which as always was about music music and then a bit more about music. I then settled down to the routine of oh woe is me, mainly I think because I'm so tired having not got a lot of sleep which isn't helped by the wife who doesn't understand going to bed late then getting up really early to look after the old man of the house is killing me (slight over exaggeration but you get the picture) then she harps on about me going to see a doctor and that just really makes me happy all over again(see previous blogs for rants and information why this would be the case) and she wonders why I can get ratty?
I pottered on and again even tried to write some stuff but it was so laced with bitterness that if it ever saw the light of day the loony bin would put me in a special room so the delete button was pressed straight away, nope no good would have come of that particular bit of writing, things got so bad I even did a bit of my controlled breathing exercises, that I used to do back in the day, the thing that really bugged me is I have no idea where that train of thought popped up from and like a train it rattled through my brain at such a fast rate of knots I was concerned, thankfully the saviour of the day was the old man of the house who sat next to me and licked my hand for approval, that brought me back to the land of "stop being a stupid bastard" and by the time the wife returned from the Kraken's I was back to my old self (oh dear hahaha) however I was as always shattered.
The answer? well probably some fresh air, a change of scenery would help I realise how much of a prison (and yes it's self imposed) my life has become, where as I never used to be in the house it gets like I'm shackled (and not in a kinky way G) to the bloody thing, I never go anywhere and I have totally isolated my self from the outside world. The wife always looks at me suspiciously if I deviate from the norm, but if I don't soon I think my head will explode. I had the opportunity to go a stag do with one of the members of staff from work last night(the only member of management to be actually asked) and I had a ready made answer made before the question was completely asked, To be honest this is nobody's doing but my own as I get older I withdraw into my shell more and more, and I know we are struggling financially at the moment (no not a boo hoo tale of woe just stating the facts we got ourselves here and we will get ourselves out of it) but I have a pre loaded answer for any of the do's that we have at work, unfortunately there are always one or two that I can't get out of, and it always creates turmoil for us as a group, we have become too reliant on ourselves and yes the wife could (and always does) make friends in an empty room I always struggle I either go over the top or go so introvert people don't realise that I'm there!
Now some people who know me will think that this absolute bollocks, but trust me when I'm introduced to new people I'm bricking it, I always seem to think that everybody has got an unfavourable opinion of me, why that should matter? I have no idea and at 47 you would think I would be a level headed and grounded person and although I am a million times better than I was twenty plus years ago I'm still a fucked up individual, yeah go figure hahaha I even avoided looking at my lottery tickets this morning because I didn't want to become a miserable bastard all over again because I hadn't won! Thankfully these miserable days are now out weighed by the feelings where I am a sensible person and I can function almost like a normal human being! But even I know I have to address the situation at some point you just have to look at all the weight that I have regained over the last 12 months to see what a misery I really am.
The solution as always has to be down to me and I know that I can and will do better and thankfully those thoughts or darkness are not there all the time, they are usually dispelled by the people who are my friends and family (that never happened before) so I realise that I am in a better place already however when the darkness descends it is so severe and debilitating I grind to a halt. I need to work out a way to keep going forward even at a slow rate if I stop or worse go into reverse I'm fecked! the blog and the writing definitely helps in the short term it's a long term fix that is required, I have a good job (well I enjoy it) I have a good family (well OK at times hahaha) so why do I always look on the dark side for problems (answers on a postcard to youwhingingbastaard.com) ho hum without it mind you all of my adoring readers wouldn't have something to laugh at when you read the drivel that I write hahahaha!
Again the numbers for the blog yesterday where great and some of you must have it set up to read as soon as it's posted because (you all know how sad I am ) there are eight hits every time in the first minute(WTF) good for my ego but what the hell???? and if I didn't blog as much the numbers for the individual blogs would continue to grow (I can always tell when somebody new comes on board because all of the old blogs get a single hit) but I do it when the mood takes me so ho hum! again a few new readers Lars from Spokane thank you and yes there are books available just head over to Blurb.com and you can preview from there, and no I'm not a Madonna fan (WTF!!!) Pueblo from Mexico city the name game is easy look at the blog title and guess what artist it is in this case I will help you it's a Canadian band and not Pat Travers OK and sorry there are no prizes for winning but a lot of sarcasm for getting it wrong hahahaha!
The next book should be hot to trot in about four weeks depending on my mood and the resolving of some of the financial constraints, Toodles (the Dairy of a madman and his lunatic friends) is a bit of a greatest hits with a couple of new bits thrown in for good measure, I think once that's out there I will have to get my finger out there and getting cracking on the book after that which at the moment has a grand total of three complete chapters (hmm not good at all, definitely need to get my finger out). Today well lets go with the flow, we have as always an invite for the Tee Hee club to resume it's antics, but for once it's the wife that holds the keys to that, her legs are still so bad bruised and swollen from her ninja attack it might just be a tad too far to go we shall see (and keep everything crossed) but today I intend it to be a good bloody day that's enough of my woe is me rant remember live life to the full (and if you see me remind me exactly the same please) and until the next blog Toodles!
The day yesterday didn't pan out as well as I had hoped but I did score for some glimmer of happiness after a witty burst of texting from G which lifted my spirits, and a quick visit from my brother which as always was about music music and then a bit more about music. I then settled down to the routine of oh woe is me, mainly I think because I'm so tired having not got a lot of sleep which isn't helped by the wife who doesn't understand going to bed late then getting up really early to look after the old man of the house is killing me (slight over exaggeration but you get the picture) then she harps on about me going to see a doctor and that just really makes me happy all over again(see previous blogs for rants and information why this would be the case) and she wonders why I can get ratty?
I pottered on and again even tried to write some stuff but it was so laced with bitterness that if it ever saw the light of day the loony bin would put me in a special room so the delete button was pressed straight away, nope no good would have come of that particular bit of writing, things got so bad I even did a bit of my controlled breathing exercises, that I used to do back in the day, the thing that really bugged me is I have no idea where that train of thought popped up from and like a train it rattled through my brain at such a fast rate of knots I was concerned, thankfully the saviour of the day was the old man of the house who sat next to me and licked my hand for approval, that brought me back to the land of "stop being a stupid bastard" and by the time the wife returned from the Kraken's I was back to my old self (oh dear hahaha) however I was as always shattered.
The answer? well probably some fresh air, a change of scenery would help I realise how much of a prison (and yes it's self imposed) my life has become, where as I never used to be in the house it gets like I'm shackled (and not in a kinky way G) to the bloody thing, I never go anywhere and I have totally isolated my self from the outside world. The wife always looks at me suspiciously if I deviate from the norm, but if I don't soon I think my head will explode. I had the opportunity to go a stag do with one of the members of staff from work last night(the only member of management to be actually asked) and I had a ready made answer made before the question was completely asked, To be honest this is nobody's doing but my own as I get older I withdraw into my shell more and more, and I know we are struggling financially at the moment (no not a boo hoo tale of woe just stating the facts we got ourselves here and we will get ourselves out of it) but I have a pre loaded answer for any of the do's that we have at work, unfortunately there are always one or two that I can't get out of, and it always creates turmoil for us as a group, we have become too reliant on ourselves and yes the wife could (and always does) make friends in an empty room I always struggle I either go over the top or go so introvert people don't realise that I'm there!
Now some people who know me will think that this absolute bollocks, but trust me when I'm introduced to new people I'm bricking it, I always seem to think that everybody has got an unfavourable opinion of me, why that should matter? I have no idea and at 47 you would think I would be a level headed and grounded person and although I am a million times better than I was twenty plus years ago I'm still a fucked up individual, yeah go figure hahaha I even avoided looking at my lottery tickets this morning because I didn't want to become a miserable bastard all over again because I hadn't won! Thankfully these miserable days are now out weighed by the feelings where I am a sensible person and I can function almost like a normal human being! But even I know I have to address the situation at some point you just have to look at all the weight that I have regained over the last 12 months to see what a misery I really am.
The solution as always has to be down to me and I know that I can and will do better and thankfully those thoughts or darkness are not there all the time, they are usually dispelled by the people who are my friends and family (that never happened before) so I realise that I am in a better place already however when the darkness descends it is so severe and debilitating I grind to a halt. I need to work out a way to keep going forward even at a slow rate if I stop or worse go into reverse I'm fecked! the blog and the writing definitely helps in the short term it's a long term fix that is required, I have a good job (well I enjoy it) I have a good family (well OK at times hahaha) so why do I always look on the dark side for problems (answers on a postcard to youwhingingbastaard.com) ho hum without it mind you all of my adoring readers wouldn't have something to laugh at when you read the drivel that I write hahahaha!
Again the numbers for the blog yesterday where great and some of you must have it set up to read as soon as it's posted because (you all know how sad I am ) there are eight hits every time in the first minute(WTF) good for my ego but what the hell???? and if I didn't blog as much the numbers for the individual blogs would continue to grow (I can always tell when somebody new comes on board because all of the old blogs get a single hit) but I do it when the mood takes me so ho hum! again a few new readers Lars from Spokane thank you and yes there are books available just head over to Blurb.com and you can preview from there, and no I'm not a Madonna fan (WTF!!!) Pueblo from Mexico city the name game is easy look at the blog title and guess what artist it is in this case I will help you it's a Canadian band and not Pat Travers OK and sorry there are no prizes for winning but a lot of sarcasm for getting it wrong hahahaha!
The next book should be hot to trot in about four weeks depending on my mood and the resolving of some of the financial constraints, Toodles (the Dairy of a madman and his lunatic friends) is a bit of a greatest hits with a couple of new bits thrown in for good measure, I think once that's out there I will have to get my finger out there and getting cracking on the book after that which at the moment has a grand total of three complete chapters (hmm not good at all, definitely need to get my finger out). Today well lets go with the flow, we have as always an invite for the Tee Hee club to resume it's antics, but for once it's the wife that holds the keys to that, her legs are still so bad bruised and swollen from her ninja attack it might just be a tad too far to go we shall see (and keep everything crossed) but today I intend it to be a good bloody day that's enough of my woe is me rant remember live life to the full (and if you see me remind me exactly the same please) and until the next blog Toodles!
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Easy on my soul
OK so it's hot and sticky and yes I know that the name game is so easy, but that's how I feel (musically)this morning like it or lump it, I really don't care if it wasn't so early I would be blasting it on the stereo (yes I still have one or three) but because it takes me so long to type these things lets just say it's silly o'clock and my headphones will just have to suffice!
The week has actually gone better than planned (and yes we are still using world war two analogies) although I'm still loading my beach head, the war of attrition has gone well and both sides have come to the league of nations to negotiate and although its early days it looks better than anticipated, not everything that was required, however I wish to suffer no casualties so I believe That you need to compromise, this will be the order of the day, well it will be right up until I have to sign on the dotted line I'm not saying that I don't trust them, but I can already see movement behind the lines so it's in their interest to sign off on it as quickly as possible.
Work wise again it has been a week of stupid people! so stupid, I really do have concerns as to how we crawled to the top of the gene pool, thankfully a hand brake turn put me in a place where I thought I would be dealing with more sensible people, nope just into a cul de sac that placed me with people who are so entrenched it makes me feel like Switzerland hahaha, one guy has an issue that is costing him money through somebody's screw up and simple phone call would sort it out, but because he asked his supervisor ten months ago (yeah you heard right boys and girls ten months ago) and he only asked once (the guy is human and has a lot of things to deal with at the moment) and a gentle reminder would not have gone a miss, hells bells the guy is losing £130 a month shift allowance and he is sticking to his principles because he told his supervisor ten fecking months ago.....what a pratt I couldn't afford to lose £1.30 a fecking month I would be sat on the lap of everybody who would listen there really is stupid people in all walks of life!
Writing has been sporadic this week and although there are bare bones for a few ideas there has been nothing solid as it seems when I'm on early shift all I want to do when I get home is go ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ go figure, so I have jotted but not done anything of merit (just yet) the lethargy that is running through my veins at the moment is unbelievable but until I become a hunch backed crippled person of different nationality (I'm trying to be kind here because I'm not a racist it is just the way the system appears to be set up) with a huge drug problem I won't get to see a doctor unless its in an already busy A&E department, but hey I'm being positive this morning lets not go down that particular rabbit hole today!
I have finally found something that is a much see on the old TV box and that is The Newsroom the new Aaron Sorkin programme and OK so it's just The West Wing in a newsroom I love the guys command of the English language if you like "intelligent" TV then this is a must I very rarely recommend stuff to people (I believe you need to find your own way)But this a great watch, something that I will watch religiously. Hopefully it won't be the only thing of merit as the Olympics have now started so the normal channels will be filled with cack, good luck to those who enjoy it but I'm not one of them, the opening ceremony had its moments not as good as the Chinese one as far as I'm concerned, but really £27 million I don't think so I'm not not knocking it because it's fashionable but it simply doesn't float my boat or make me proud to be British, put homeless soldiers into affordable housing now that would make me feel proud, put it into the NHS and sort out the problems in the NHS that would make me proud, do away with red tape that states I can't fly a Union Jack without a permit, ooops quit while I'm a head but on one last note I made a bet with a guy at work saying that I reckon on the opening day the BBC will find a big fat white cockney who says it "ain't doing noffin fer the people who live here" and I was right damn I hope I get a Gold medal for common sense!
Well I have just been paid and until we get on an even keel there will be no little trips away to have mischief but we will try our utmost to be as naughty as we can be,Just as well after last weeks little jaunt it was bad enough that the wife was attacked by a ninja assassin, but the photographs of me once more looking like a fecking Goodyear blimp are spurring me on to get in shape so that I can run the 2064 Great North run jeez I should ban full body shots and only allow head shots and that would still be bad enough. The muffins were devoured at work by a gang of hooligans and myself ( I did feel like Jeebus feeding the 5000) and although I had only a small piece the toxicity spewing from me has proven to me that my wife is right (please don't tell her) but my clack valve is fecked! I have had an interesting discussion with a health professional and it would appear I have the wrong thingys in my gut so we are going to try an interesting experiment to see if we can get it fixed!
Wow I have waffled today the numbers for the blog has been great (thanks once more) keep spreading the disease and again I seem to have picked up a few readers from the good old U S of A and all the feedback while mainly positive has been well received mind you even the few bits of negativity has been done in a positive way, the numbers are peaking and stabilising and nowhere near the old blog (I never expected it to) it's still great to see the numbers that I have been getting, now after doing my best Led Zeppelin impression (I have Ramble(d) on) it's time to try and stay positive play some good tunes and enjoy a cheap weekend off with the wife so until next time Toodles!
The week has actually gone better than planned (and yes we are still using world war two analogies) although I'm still loading my beach head, the war of attrition has gone well and both sides have come to the league of nations to negotiate and although its early days it looks better than anticipated, not everything that was required, however I wish to suffer no casualties so I believe That you need to compromise, this will be the order of the day, well it will be right up until I have to sign on the dotted line I'm not saying that I don't trust them, but I can already see movement behind the lines so it's in their interest to sign off on it as quickly as possible.
Work wise again it has been a week of stupid people! so stupid, I really do have concerns as to how we crawled to the top of the gene pool, thankfully a hand brake turn put me in a place where I thought I would be dealing with more sensible people, nope just into a cul de sac that placed me with people who are so entrenched it makes me feel like Switzerland hahaha, one guy has an issue that is costing him money through somebody's screw up and simple phone call would sort it out, but because he asked his supervisor ten months ago (yeah you heard right boys and girls ten months ago) and he only asked once (the guy is human and has a lot of things to deal with at the moment) and a gentle reminder would not have gone a miss, hells bells the guy is losing £130 a month shift allowance and he is sticking to his principles because he told his supervisor ten fecking months ago.....what a pratt I couldn't afford to lose £1.30 a fecking month I would be sat on the lap of everybody who would listen there really is stupid people in all walks of life!
Writing has been sporadic this week and although there are bare bones for a few ideas there has been nothing solid as it seems when I'm on early shift all I want to do when I get home is go ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ go figure, so I have jotted but not done anything of merit (just yet) the lethargy that is running through my veins at the moment is unbelievable but until I become a hunch backed crippled person of different nationality (I'm trying to be kind here because I'm not a racist it is just the way the system appears to be set up) with a huge drug problem I won't get to see a doctor unless its in an already busy A&E department, but hey I'm being positive this morning lets not go down that particular rabbit hole today!
I have finally found something that is a much see on the old TV box and that is The Newsroom the new Aaron Sorkin programme and OK so it's just The West Wing in a newsroom I love the guys command of the English language if you like "intelligent" TV then this is a must I very rarely recommend stuff to people (I believe you need to find your own way)But this a great watch, something that I will watch religiously. Hopefully it won't be the only thing of merit as the Olympics have now started so the normal channels will be filled with cack, good luck to those who enjoy it but I'm not one of them, the opening ceremony had its moments not as good as the Chinese one as far as I'm concerned, but really £27 million I don't think so I'm not not knocking it because it's fashionable but it simply doesn't float my boat or make me proud to be British, put homeless soldiers into affordable housing now that would make me feel proud, put it into the NHS and sort out the problems in the NHS that would make me proud, do away with red tape that states I can't fly a Union Jack without a permit, ooops quit while I'm a head but on one last note I made a bet with a guy at work saying that I reckon on the opening day the BBC will find a big fat white cockney who says it "ain't doing noffin fer the people who live here" and I was right damn I hope I get a Gold medal for common sense!
Well I have just been paid and until we get on an even keel there will be no little trips away to have mischief but we will try our utmost to be as naughty as we can be,Just as well after last weeks little jaunt it was bad enough that the wife was attacked by a ninja assassin, but the photographs of me once more looking like a fecking Goodyear blimp are spurring me on to get in shape so that I can run the 2064 Great North run jeez I should ban full body shots and only allow head shots and that would still be bad enough. The muffins were devoured at work by a gang of hooligans and myself ( I did feel like Jeebus feeding the 5000) and although I had only a small piece the toxicity spewing from me has proven to me that my wife is right (please don't tell her) but my clack valve is fecked! I have had an interesting discussion with a health professional and it would appear I have the wrong thingys in my gut so we are going to try an interesting experiment to see if we can get it fixed!
Wow I have waffled today the numbers for the blog has been great (thanks once more) keep spreading the disease and again I seem to have picked up a few readers from the good old U S of A and all the feedback while mainly positive has been well received mind you even the few bits of negativity has been done in a positive way, the numbers are peaking and stabilising and nowhere near the old blog (I never expected it to) it's still great to see the numbers that I have been getting, now after doing my best Led Zeppelin impression (I have Ramble(d) on) it's time to try and stay positive play some good tunes and enjoy a cheap weekend off with the wife so until next time Toodles!
Monday, 23 July 2012
Lead a normal life
OK so you all know that I was intending to be a good boy did I actually do the deed or was I a lunatic well read on and find out?
We had intended not to be the first people there, so we set off at one o'clock and with only one slight detour to a petrol(bunch of robbing Twunts) station we had a quiet jaunt down to our destination, I had been going to be a naughty boy (if only for a second) and refuse to get out of the car, but I had enough apprehension so I just wanted to get it over with as it happens we were virtually the first people there, which in reality was a better thing than intended and thankfully I knew just about everybody there so I wasn't as anxious as I could have been ( I don't do well with "new"people) I was able to say hello to the peeps and position myself to the back of the party, as always my cunning plans went adrift straight away as the seat that I sat in immediately called in the united nations to get the fat bastard who was sitting in it the hell out of it, needless to say I beat a retreat back over the maginot line and stood at my post at least until other bodies arrived thankfully the chair recovered it's composure, although I don't think I did.
As more people arrived I knew I couldn't stand all day so again I went in with the heavy brigade and got myself into something made from girders and was comfortable, and I conversed with various people who put me at my ease and we sat and drank the beer that we had brought, me being the willing goffer collecting drinks for peeps and being able to say hello as I wandered through the ever growing throng, although there were some people there who I didn't know it was a happy go lucky kind of atmosphere so I didn't mind, there was much brandishing of sausage's (G would have had a field day) and general chit chat, the weather was kind and so were the people populating the event as always there was some scurrilous gossip and because I didn't know the people I didn't take any notice ( I know this will come back to bite me but I'm a bloke I have the attention span of a fish unless it's something that I am interested in) and as the day went on the crowd grew sparse but the event rumbled on and it was good fun (well I enjoyed myself) there was a bit more grilling done and the evening wound itself up.
We were preparing to leave when the wife who was at the front of the establishment, she was having a joyous moment when she went down like she had been picked off by a Russian sniper in Stalingrad (sorry about the second world war references but there was a long conversation about German Tanks or Panzers as us sad bastards like to call them) when she came back in she looked awfully sheepish but the blood from her wounds looked like she had been actually at Stalingrad for some hand to hand fighting thankfully we had a fully supplied field hospital and Lady J stepped into the breach like something out of M.A.S.H (I'm not sure which character, I won't say nothing as her skills saved the wife from losing both legs from the knees down and she might beat me up.....Klinger!) thankfully the skilled surgeon saved not only her legs but her sight and at least both lungs but that's a tale for another blog!
There were plenty of suggestions for the title of the blog, one of which because I have led a sheltered life(trust me I have) was quite an interesting one until I actually confirmed what it was actually about and there's me grinning like a loon going "yeah that sounds cool" until I did indeed confirm using the urban dictionary that it indeed was what Lady J was referring to! Damn I am gullible, I can also confirm that I have no intention of doing a similar book to this Fifty Shades of Polythene that's doing the rounds I am an author of some respect (I might also be not not very good at writing smut!)
We did a good deed and ensured that not only did our resident surgeon arrived safe and well (and no I haven't tried your muffins yet ....oo er missus) and one fashioned obsessed waistrell who was by the time of being ejected from the car was suffering with the affects of his girly Rose (his words not mine) and yes the jacket did look fab, we headed back off into the night heading back to the Consett delta where us Clampetts stored the wagon away from marauding numpties and where the wife suffered in silence and I snored like a diesel engine in an old tractor. Off to the local A& E department this morning after a small breakfast (which will be even smaller for me after seeing a photograph from the back were I look like a pair of semi detached houses) wound cleaned and dressing changed I sit here typing this out, having enjoyed my weekend where as I thought I was going to be unhappy (well I was just not as much as I would normally be under these situations)I was pleasantly surprised, My intention for the day was that I was going to raise hell at the medical centre about not being able to get an appointment but with all the hullabaloo for the wife I have a cunning plan which will spring into action the next time I'm off work or maybe a late evening just as they are about to shut up shop hahaha we will see! back to work tomorrow (oh wunderbar) and because off the excessive blog writing of late I intend to (try) keep a low profile! so until then keep safe and play nice and if can't play nice then you mustn't be a nice person and believe me there's tons of them about ....Toodles!
We had intended not to be the first people there, so we set off at one o'clock and with only one slight detour to a petrol(bunch of robbing Twunts) station we had a quiet jaunt down to our destination, I had been going to be a naughty boy (if only for a second) and refuse to get out of the car, but I had enough apprehension so I just wanted to get it over with as it happens we were virtually the first people there, which in reality was a better thing than intended and thankfully I knew just about everybody there so I wasn't as anxious as I could have been ( I don't do well with "new"people) I was able to say hello to the peeps and position myself to the back of the party, as always my cunning plans went adrift straight away as the seat that I sat in immediately called in the united nations to get the fat bastard who was sitting in it the hell out of it, needless to say I beat a retreat back over the maginot line and stood at my post at least until other bodies arrived thankfully the chair recovered it's composure, although I don't think I did.
As more people arrived I knew I couldn't stand all day so again I went in with the heavy brigade and got myself into something made from girders and was comfortable, and I conversed with various people who put me at my ease and we sat and drank the beer that we had brought, me being the willing goffer collecting drinks for peeps and being able to say hello as I wandered through the ever growing throng, although there were some people there who I didn't know it was a happy go lucky kind of atmosphere so I didn't mind, there was much brandishing of sausage's (G would have had a field day) and general chit chat, the weather was kind and so were the people populating the event as always there was some scurrilous gossip and because I didn't know the people I didn't take any notice ( I know this will come back to bite me but I'm a bloke I have the attention span of a fish unless it's something that I am interested in) and as the day went on the crowd grew sparse but the event rumbled on and it was good fun (well I enjoyed myself) there was a bit more grilling done and the evening wound itself up.
We were preparing to leave when the wife who was at the front of the establishment, she was having a joyous moment when she went down like she had been picked off by a Russian sniper in Stalingrad (sorry about the second world war references but there was a long conversation about German Tanks or Panzers as us sad bastards like to call them) when she came back in she looked awfully sheepish but the blood from her wounds looked like she had been actually at Stalingrad for some hand to hand fighting thankfully we had a fully supplied field hospital and Lady J stepped into the breach like something out of M.A.S.H (I'm not sure which character, I won't say nothing as her skills saved the wife from losing both legs from the knees down and she might beat me up.....Klinger!) thankfully the skilled surgeon saved not only her legs but her sight and at least both lungs but that's a tale for another blog!
There were plenty of suggestions for the title of the blog, one of which because I have led a sheltered life(trust me I have) was quite an interesting one until I actually confirmed what it was actually about and there's me grinning like a loon going "yeah that sounds cool" until I did indeed confirm using the urban dictionary that it indeed was what Lady J was referring to! Damn I am gullible, I can also confirm that I have no intention of doing a similar book to this Fifty Shades of Polythene that's doing the rounds I am an author of some respect (I might also be not not very good at writing smut!)
We did a good deed and ensured that not only did our resident surgeon arrived safe and well (and no I haven't tried your muffins yet ....oo er missus) and one fashioned obsessed waistrell who was by the time of being ejected from the car was suffering with the affects of his girly Rose (his words not mine) and yes the jacket did look fab, we headed back off into the night heading back to the Consett delta where us Clampetts stored the wagon away from marauding numpties and where the wife suffered in silence and I snored like a diesel engine in an old tractor. Off to the local A& E department this morning after a small breakfast (which will be even smaller for me after seeing a photograph from the back were I look like a pair of semi detached houses) wound cleaned and dressing changed I sit here typing this out, having enjoyed my weekend where as I thought I was going to be unhappy (well I was just not as much as I would normally be under these situations)I was pleasantly surprised, My intention for the day was that I was going to raise hell at the medical centre about not being able to get an appointment but with all the hullabaloo for the wife I have a cunning plan which will spring into action the next time I'm off work or maybe a late evening just as they are about to shut up shop hahaha we will see! back to work tomorrow (oh wunderbar) and because off the excessive blog writing of late I intend to (try) keep a low profile! so until then keep safe and play nice and if can't play nice then you mustn't be a nice person and believe me there's tons of them about ....Toodles!
Sunday, 22 July 2012
Pulling miracles out of nowhere
A short one before I run away, the weekend has been blighted by tonsils...my tonsils and although I have fought the good fight it has worn me down, I slept on Friday for about twelve hours straight(woo hoo) but being able to keep on an even keel is not so easy, I did a small favour for the Kraken and looked after the wife (after yet another collapse) but my humanity is on a serious wane and I have to prepare to be amongst some good people today! I have to temper between shy wallflower and lunatic who doesn't get invited back, no doubt I will keep you all informed of how that one goes!
The log jam has been broken with loads of ideas for the next book unfortunately I haven't been anywhere where I could jot the small kernels down for them to formulate into grander schemes, not too worry I'm happy that there is stuff in there so that I can continue with my writing, I was beginning to panic and consider this particular well dry but it has sprang back into life, I just haven to nurture them and take my time which is why I have every intention of taking my time and release less books. I still have a number of items written for "Piffle" but they were too dark to be published, hell they are still too dark for me to go back and polish them into lighter things, I would need to a lot happier than I am at the moment to even attempt them.
There has been lots of good vibes coming my way (I know I keep repeating myself) thanks to the blogs and thank you because without them who knows where this ride might lead and as always I'm really surprised when somebody from Latvia or even some pace in Russia I can't even spell never mind pronounce, reach out and say that they enjoy the blogs and that it helps them with their day a good deed done and a good deed returned, believe me that does help!
My moods are about fifty/fifty at the moment and I haven't got a clue on where to go, so many issues in my head and for some reason I have to respond in a responsible adult way (if I don't then there are consequences for all the family and no matter what I say I do love my family) hopefully I can pull away from the grumpier me as I don't really like that side of my personality and be a nicer all round person(I can hear the wife's derisory comments even as I type this) I am further on up the road than my last blog so that in itself is a good thing I am off work tomorrow and I intend to do some writing if all prevails and I have good trade winds to blow me onto a more righteous path.
Now to get ready for today deep breathing and yoga (hahahaha as if this fat man couldd even start yoga) it's good to be out in the open with good friends, damn the weather today I know I can be a better person, today I won't be the shy wallflower, today I can be a person of use, today I will have equality with the world and all it's patrons go out there and live today as if it's your last embrace the people that your are with (and not in a girly way) and don't stop until you have felt the turn of the earth until then Toodles!
The log jam has been broken with loads of ideas for the next book unfortunately I haven't been anywhere where I could jot the small kernels down for them to formulate into grander schemes, not too worry I'm happy that there is stuff in there so that I can continue with my writing, I was beginning to panic and consider this particular well dry but it has sprang back into life, I just haven to nurture them and take my time which is why I have every intention of taking my time and release less books. I still have a number of items written for "Piffle" but they were too dark to be published, hell they are still too dark for me to go back and polish them into lighter things, I would need to a lot happier than I am at the moment to even attempt them.
There has been lots of good vibes coming my way (I know I keep repeating myself) thanks to the blogs and thank you because without them who knows where this ride might lead and as always I'm really surprised when somebody from Latvia or even some pace in Russia I can't even spell never mind pronounce, reach out and say that they enjoy the blogs and that it helps them with their day a good deed done and a good deed returned, believe me that does help!
My moods are about fifty/fifty at the moment and I haven't got a clue on where to go, so many issues in my head and for some reason I have to respond in a responsible adult way (if I don't then there are consequences for all the family and no matter what I say I do love my family) hopefully I can pull away from the grumpier me as I don't really like that side of my personality and be a nicer all round person(I can hear the wife's derisory comments even as I type this) I am further on up the road than my last blog so that in itself is a good thing I am off work tomorrow and I intend to do some writing if all prevails and I have good trade winds to blow me onto a more righteous path.
Now to get ready for today deep breathing and yoga (hahahaha as if this fat man couldd even start yoga) it's good to be out in the open with good friends, damn the weather today I know I can be a better person, today I won't be the shy wallflower, today I can be a person of use, today I will have equality with the world and all it's patrons go out there and live today as if it's your last embrace the people that your are with (and not in a girly way) and don't stop until you have felt the turn of the earth until then Toodles!
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Do Not Resuscitate!
I am so sick of dealing with stupid people if I collapse I feel the need to sign a DNR form, actually the incompetence of people, I probably would be on the road to recovery and the silly people would actually kill me!
It started at work dealing with people who are so retarded they give retarded people a bad name! It's actually so funny it's depressing I have no idea how a hard working person (that would be me) is still at the bottom of the pile ...ah that's right because I am dumb for actually helping them, so who is the retard now? I have dealt with people trying to set themselves on fire, people who have nail gunned themselves to the floor! people blocking fire escapes and people filling small cupboards with so much stock that it would only take a small spark and whooosh! people who struggle to understand that having about eight four way adaptors daisy chained together, and so on and so forth, how these drooling individuals actually crawled out of the cess pool I will never know.
Today has been so slow purely because of all of the knuckledraggers and although work has been coming thick and fast (which has been good) the hurry up and wait attitude of my company is shite! me and the wife have had a falling out because yes I wasn't well and I finally decided to go see a doctor, I asked the wife to get me an appointment (RANT ALERT) "well we can give you one for August the first! Grrr I can get the doctor to ring you " so we fell out and I have decided to take full advantage of our wonderful ambulance service, I intend to get truly wound up (with the wife at the moment that won't take much) have massive chest pains and do a 999 call! why because I work for a living I'm English I pay taxes I'm not a junkie do you need me to continue and so on and so forth I'm not knocking the receptionists or the Doctors who are worth every penny my taxes pay them for, but the system is crap and is not beneficial to a working man, with all money the doctors make you bastards should work night times and weekends you work shy tw@ts!
I can see this dragging on but hopefully the heart attack when it comes will be slow and painful so that I do indeed suffer and get my money's worth, knowing my luck it will be quick and efficient unlike my local surgery and death as always will have the last laugh! I was hoping to do a Richard Pryor impression and try to talk to god behind my hearts back while it is slowly killing me. hopefully the coming weekend will find me in a better humour otherwise i might even get barred from calling the Samaritans! The only good thing has been the blog and all the kind comments although it is noticeable that to some of you English is not your first language and the old me would have riffed on your bad (but hilarious grammar) and no serious insult would have been intended. numbers have been good so that has helped and even people are having a quick look at the books over at blurb.com!
I'm now sat with a large vodka typing this up and feeling the night get fuzzy as my anger ebbs away like the ice in my pint glass (I don't do small measures) so have fun think of me waiting for the wife and her voodoo doll to kick in and if you see an ambulance driving slowly down the road with no siren!that will be me! so until the next time (hopefully) Toodles!
It started at work dealing with people who are so retarded they give retarded people a bad name! It's actually so funny it's depressing I have no idea how a hard working person (that would be me) is still at the bottom of the pile ...ah that's right because I am dumb for actually helping them, so who is the retard now? I have dealt with people trying to set themselves on fire, people who have nail gunned themselves to the floor! people blocking fire escapes and people filling small cupboards with so much stock that it would only take a small spark and whooosh! people who struggle to understand that having about eight four way adaptors daisy chained together, and so on and so forth, how these drooling individuals actually crawled out of the cess pool I will never know.
Today has been so slow purely because of all of the knuckledraggers and although work has been coming thick and fast (which has been good) the hurry up and wait attitude of my company is shite! me and the wife have had a falling out because yes I wasn't well and I finally decided to go see a doctor, I asked the wife to get me an appointment (RANT ALERT) "well we can give you one for August the first! Grrr I can get the doctor to ring you " so we fell out and I have decided to take full advantage of our wonderful ambulance service, I intend to get truly wound up (with the wife at the moment that won't take much) have massive chest pains and do a 999 call! why because I work for a living I'm English I pay taxes I'm not a junkie do you need me to continue and so on and so forth I'm not knocking the receptionists or the Doctors who are worth every penny my taxes pay them for, but the system is crap and is not beneficial to a working man, with all money the doctors make you bastards should work night times and weekends you work shy tw@ts!
I can see this dragging on but hopefully the heart attack when it comes will be slow and painful so that I do indeed suffer and get my money's worth, knowing my luck it will be quick and efficient unlike my local surgery and death as always will have the last laugh! I was hoping to do a Richard Pryor impression and try to talk to god behind my hearts back while it is slowly killing me. hopefully the coming weekend will find me in a better humour otherwise i might even get barred from calling the Samaritans! The only good thing has been the blog and all the kind comments although it is noticeable that to some of you English is not your first language and the old me would have riffed on your bad (but hilarious grammar) and no serious insult would have been intended. numbers have been good so that has helped and even people are having a quick look at the books over at blurb.com!
I'm now sat with a large vodka typing this up and feeling the night get fuzzy as my anger ebbs away like the ice in my pint glass (I don't do small measures) so have fun think of me waiting for the wife and her voodoo doll to kick in and if you see an ambulance driving slowly down the road with no siren!that will be me! so until the next time (hopefully) Toodles!
Monday, 16 July 2012
Railroad work song
I was on a roll and trying ever so to be positive but I struggled (as always) but thankfully the wife was kind to me! I would like to say thank you to everybody from where ever you are for all the kind nice things said after the last blog, but you all have me worried as that was me being positive hahaha god knows what you will think when I post this one.
The wife took pity on my angelic face as I was down in the dumps (her words not mine) and to cheer me up we headed out the door to meet up with friends, not to South Shields which was probably just as well as there was tons of things going on, so the place would have been heaving and I wasn't in the right frame of mind for heaving! We ended up in LYH and was pleasantly surprised by people who were out and about and people behaved there wasn't a camera or photograph taken until towards the end of the night so lets just say that was a result(for the record I don't think that I'm photogenic and I certainly don't have a clue on how to sit/stand smoulder towards the camera so I have a tendency to stand behind a camera) I was taken to task by the master and actually posed twice so thanks for that but I still think I have a great face for radio.
We had a few drinks as the group collected and the crack was good and all music related so I was a happy person (me with my reputation) we headed to another Pub down on Dean Street which as soon as we got there I knew that the vibe would be lost, we went there to see the Honey Boppers (?) who didn't hold my interest enough and the beer didn't help! expensive and erm what is the word oh yes Shite! they didn't even have Coca Cola for the designated driver! lets just say that it killed the night dead.
We did a good deed and made sure that peeps got closer to home and then we came home went got a carry out which we ended up getting for free (result). A long story which might get written at another interval lets just say thanks to one of our eldest's partners in crime. We thought we would get a night without the old man of the house, but he wasn't settled at the Kraken's so we headed up the hill to collect him, upon arriving home we descended on a pack of cream doughnuts (not a great move) and we lazed until we hit the hay!
Another day and hot to trot back to work back to reality, and back to the grind (I can go on with the clichés if required) and I soon realised it was going to be a major pain it was really like being like working on the railroad (not as a sleeper as some folk say) doing one gruelling mile after another (hey at least it wasn't a sailing analogy!) and the day really was a grind and I had a few dodgy moments with chest pains (left ventricle boys and girls ) nothing major or something to cause concern(yet) but it got my attention and if it continues or gets worse then of to the doctors I will be going (so hide the credit card bills) I realise that there is an issue here I'm lethargic and so tired all the time mind you it could just be wind because I have a lot of that as well!
I arrived home to find the youngest here dog sitting and I then sat on the settee and ....blinked the next time I looked it was seven o'clock (WTF when did the Quireboys turn up?) as I came back into focus I checked the news on my phone and discovered that Jon Lord had passed away, another star of my youth gone this is what happens when you get old,so sorry to see him go but the world as always keeps turning I enjoyed trawling You Tube looking for past glory's of all the music that got me to being a teenager all those years ago and with that I shall shuffle off into the night to get some kip (yes more) as this bloody railroad isn't going to build itself so until the next time Toodles!
The wife took pity on my angelic face as I was down in the dumps (her words not mine) and to cheer me up we headed out the door to meet up with friends, not to South Shields which was probably just as well as there was tons of things going on, so the place would have been heaving and I wasn't in the right frame of mind for heaving! We ended up in LYH and was pleasantly surprised by people who were out and about and people behaved there wasn't a camera or photograph taken until towards the end of the night so lets just say that was a result(for the record I don't think that I'm photogenic and I certainly don't have a clue on how to sit/stand smoulder towards the camera so I have a tendency to stand behind a camera) I was taken to task by the master and actually posed twice so thanks for that but I still think I have a great face for radio.
We had a few drinks as the group collected and the crack was good and all music related so I was a happy person (me with my reputation) we headed to another Pub down on Dean Street which as soon as we got there I knew that the vibe would be lost, we went there to see the Honey Boppers (?) who didn't hold my interest enough and the beer didn't help! expensive and erm what is the word oh yes Shite! they didn't even have Coca Cola for the designated driver! lets just say that it killed the night dead.
We did a good deed and made sure that peeps got closer to home and then we came home went got a carry out which we ended up getting for free (result). A long story which might get written at another interval lets just say thanks to one of our eldest's partners in crime. We thought we would get a night without the old man of the house, but he wasn't settled at the Kraken's so we headed up the hill to collect him, upon arriving home we descended on a pack of cream doughnuts (not a great move) and we lazed until we hit the hay!
Another day and hot to trot back to work back to reality, and back to the grind (I can go on with the clichés if required) and I soon realised it was going to be a major pain it was really like being like working on the railroad (not as a sleeper as some folk say) doing one gruelling mile after another (hey at least it wasn't a sailing analogy!) and the day really was a grind and I had a few dodgy moments with chest pains (left ventricle boys and girls ) nothing major or something to cause concern(yet) but it got my attention and if it continues or gets worse then of to the doctors I will be going (so hide the credit card bills) I realise that there is an issue here I'm lethargic and so tired all the time mind you it could just be wind because I have a lot of that as well!
I arrived home to find the youngest here dog sitting and I then sat on the settee and ....blinked the next time I looked it was seven o'clock (WTF when did the Quireboys turn up?) as I came back into focus I checked the news on my phone and discovered that Jon Lord had passed away, another star of my youth gone this is what happens when you get old,so sorry to see him go but the world as always keeps turning I enjoyed trawling You Tube looking for past glory's of all the music that got me to being a teenager all those years ago and with that I shall shuffle off into the night to get some kip (yes more) as this bloody railroad isn't going to build itself so until the next time Toodles!
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