Sick for the Cure.

Oh, dear I fell at the first hurdle, to be honest its not all on me, well it is, but I hit a speed bump, let me explain!

I wanted to get the holidays out of the way and the last blog has done relatively well, actually it’s the second best read blog even if I was thought it was as dull as dishwater, diluted way too much, but it had to be set free, it may have been the second most read blog but it was the blog with the least amount of comments………go figure!

I was on fire I had three ideas cultivating as soon as I posted the last one, they are still bubbling away (this isn’t one of them) and no matter how well this one does the next one will be here on Sunday….hopefully, I need to keep these flowing if I intend to end this year and I have decided that I am in deed going to be done, all five hundred by December, it’s a done deal, no come backs, unlike Motley Crue, I may be as fat as their singer but I will keep my word!

Doubt crept in as I sat and watched the numbers climb that and my diabetes kicking my arse, I seem as though I’m in a permanent food coma of late even though I am being sensible with what I eat, washed out, massive headaches, generally feeling like hammered crap, thankfully I am at least in a relatively happy frame mood at the moment (well kind of) that will only last so long, no black dog, but no glorious sunrises either, short sleeping patterns , not that it matters too much simply because of the food comas, but the latest I have slept to of late is around 4.30, I’m not one of those people who can roll over and go back to sleep, I wish I was.

The wife is in a bad way health wise as well she has a bad back and she is like a hunch back at the moment and is sleeping worse than me, she can thankfully drift off back to the land of nod, but it’s wearing her down, nothing a holiday probably wouldn’t cure, shame she isn’t going to get one, well she is but she has to have a minor operation so that’s fun……..Not! we are both sick for a cure, believe me some good luck wouldn’t go amiss. But we are in a better shape than others so we need to count our blessings.

Just as I was about to sort out the blog, we got some bad news one of our favourite people has been taking seriously ill, her husband and her are special people, if you have a prayer going spare please send it their way, we haven’t been to visit, we have hardly seen them these last couple of years no excuses simply life keeps getting in the way, but believe me when I say that our thoughts and prayers are with them, thankfully there is a glimmer of hope, praise be to medical science and a loving husband, our thoughts for them are more required than another blog about not a lot really, it really does put life into perspective.

Having made the promise that I intended to be more productive blog wise this year, I very nearly did fall at the first hurdle, so I made a little promise, before I succumb to yet another food coma, I have simply got to get this out into the big bad world like I said I would, I also need to stop feeling sorry for myself and think of others for a change, so there you go first one of the last year, I’m not expecting this to do the numbers of previous blogs, like I said life has hit a speed bump, a bloody big one, my thoughts on our cunning plans can wait,  but the intention is too keep moving forward, so watch the skies for more incoming, the next couple hopefully will be worth your attention , so until then keep spreading the disease and I will see you all then………….Until then, Toodles!

The Whalers Dues

This has been an incredibly hard blog to write, and its turned out to be not the blog intended (thank god I couldn’t deal with any more death threats) but once I got this particular bone between my teeth I have been determined not to be beaten. At times there has been an enormous of bile and hatred, which is why I have beavered away on this missive, the intention has been not to be full of hate in any way shape or form. I know I have failed on that score, at least I tried to be a better person(hahaha yeah right) The idea formed on a night out to a wedding that me and the wife attended, not our usual crew, I knew only one person, so I had to be on my (tee hee) best behaviour. I struggled as I wasn’t having the best moment in my life at that point, but I tried (and failed miserably) but at least I tried!

I had never physically been in the venue before, but I had been past it loads of times, a typical working men’s club, good honest people, salt of the earth, you know the kind, all that I love when I go for a pint. At some point in time the world has moved on and has changed, I’m a tad (ahem) large (not as large as I used to be but not slim either)I have the fashion police call on me on a regular basis, the wife has helped me wonderfully, however If you dressed me in Gucci or some other famous fashion branded clothing, I would still look like a bag of shite tied in the middle, it’s my shape and size, not me I’m just not destined to walk the catwalk, and I’m alright with that, Jeans and T shirts is fine with me, however as previously mentioned the wife has steered me in the right direction on a regular basis.

At some point in time though, and I’m not sure when, the world has become a fashion statement, people of all ages trying to dress to an age that they are not, I’m not against people having nice things, I believe I would prefer that you had common sense more than the fashion sense of a teenager at the age of 60! at this wedding all of the ladies were trying to be as glamorous as any famous fashion models (insert the appropriate name as I don’t know any….yes I am that clueless)  now some of these ladies were , how can I put this politely, I don’t think I can but I’m going to try, plus size, and not that there is any issues with that, I’m not a super model myself, but surely somebody looks in the mirror before they come out and at some point even myself would go WTF, why would you do it, some of the blokes weren’t exactly Brad Pitt (more like Arm Pitt) but the clobber simply looked out of place. I thought I was in downtown Miami not the neck end of the town, I’m all for people having aspirations, but WTF!

I wondered at the sights unfolding, some of them had more attitude than Beyoncé, damn they were beautiful, trust me you weren’t, now I’m not saying that these individuals should become shy wall flowers, but you should have some level of acceptance of what you look like and should dress accordingly, trust me a 26 stone lady should not be wearing a mini skirt, I kid you not, there were one or two ladies there that were just as large, however were covered in a much more fashionable manner and dare I say it in a much more demure way. Now this isn’t an isolated sighting, as I have wandered through any part of our green and fair land and there are 50 + people who weigh more than 20 stone who if they could get away with it would be out wearing bikini’s its simply not cricket. Maybe we should beat them around the head and shoulders with a cricket bat.

Now I can hear you all saying where is the bile where is the hate filled messages and all the other things that I had promised over the previous few blogs, well I have actually thought more about this blog than any other posting and at times this blog was in excess of 8000 words , it stands at around a more manageable 2100 (although it’s under constant review)at the moment, it was like me and the people in this blog it was HUUUUUUGE! But I have kept whittling away at it, some of it was not necessary and I didn’t want people to think that I was a horrible person, I can be at times, but I honestly try not to be.  It has happened overnight we have become the 51^st state of America the amount of clinically obese people, and I count myself among these people I was 11 stone at the age of 40 and by the age of 48 I was double that, I have had a couple of years yo yoing between weight but I’m now heading in the right direction, I would ideally love to lose another seven stone but it’s still small steps just because I have lost three and a half stone doesn’t mean that I am going to keep it off it’s a battle, but at least I know what the cause is, and hopefully will conquer the issue one day at a time.

But I personally do not stand around in bars or other social occasions trying to look like something I’m not, by all means I applaud you for your gumption, even if I was 11 stone, I still wouldn’t have the balls to go out dressed in the way that you do. I love people watching and I have just realised that this isn’t a new phenomenon! Why The Whalers Dues, it was a song I had been playing a lot at the time of the initial germ of thought for this blog and in heightened moments of the odd diabetic coma ( I suffer them on every other day) I had visions of being out on the North sea with the waves buffeting my craft, the waves wafting my lustrous long hair (hahaha) as I stand in the bow with my harpoon gun trying to actually spear one of these lovely harpies! No maybe, it’s just my vivid imagination, either that or the drugs do work. I now gaze at the vast herds of wildebeest and its only actuated by the clothing that they wear.

At work or at least whilst travelling to and from and all around site (I see some sights), I see these people who looked fine, who all of a sudden become clothes horses with modern clothing were now they simply look uncomfortable, people who have had the same haircut for years and then they decide to do something different but’s it’s like Gary Oldman’s hair cut in the fifth element , simply weird and all obtuse angles, by all means do something different make yourself happy but maybe not magenta or purple, grown men (and not necessarily fat although they usually are) who are dressed in bright colours and are fitted out with something that their own teenage family would deny as living in the same post code never mind the same family group, dayglo pink sued shoes with mustard jeans and similar dayglo patterned t shirt with a jacket that costs £300 but in reality is worth less than £30!

I shake my head on a regular basis, no I am not better than these people I simply wonder what is going through their minds and what caused this particular fashion revolution! Why does everybody have to dress like a teenager, by all means you all deserve the opportunity to feel like you are happy with life, in reality you just look sad and angry and for what, hey if it makes you happy good luck to you, I have to admit I see an awful lot of sad and angry older people out there, now don’t get me wrong there are some people who look fab, but they know what style suits them and they have their own special look, not something that’s been bought off the shelves of Primark for a four stone chipolata.

I guess what I’m trying to say is enjoy life, find your style and go with it, own but please stop being a sheep, you are of a certain age and a certain size, you can still look good, you can still feel good, we all deserve some thing for ourselves, the original blog was full of anger and bile, I would have been better off standing in my back yard and howling at the moon, I have no idea what set me off, I have no idea how I had accumulated so much bile against the world and people who I don’t even know, what the hell does it matter what I think, it doesn’t, I suppose it means that I am as human as the rest of us, I never said I was perfect but maybe just maybe I’m not as bright as I thought I was.

I have to build a better version of me, not just for my sake but for my family , my friends and the people who enter into my sphere of habitat, my bus journeys, my hobbles around Gimpsville, just generally being outside, I’m not better than anybody else (not that I have ever thought I was) and I don’t strive to be, I need to live each day being the best person I can be for the my own sake and in reality everybody else. Wear what ever makes you happy have the haircut that makes you look like a twat (I’m only jealous) life is too short that doesn’t mean at some point I won’t be in my boat trying to harpoon whales when I see them!

After sitting on this for around 18 months and it having a number of retweaks, over that time period, I was determined that it would be published at some point, the longer I kept it the worse it would be, I know this was never going to have the potency that the original had, even the reasoning that I had at the time is now obscured by the passage of time it had the potential to raise the wrath of the population of the entire north east of England as the entire population could have taken exception, Even the FBI wouldn’t have wanted to help me and my cause, and as I have already said life’s too short!

So there you go the last blog of the year, there is enough bile left in my to cause me enough trouble in my personal life, it’s not what I want, but sooner or latter its likely to come back to bite me in the ass, why should I add to my tales of woe! As always I thank everybody who over the last few years has taken the time to read my drivel, trust me it helps keep me sane, thank you to everybody who has meant that the site has had more than 50000 hits this year, lets see where this one gets us too?

The next year as already mentioned is potentially going to be the last year as my intention is to bow out when I hit the 500 mark, this is number 450, I need to up my game and hopefully bow out on a high with some historical, some funny and some general observations on life the universe and everything, this last year has not been the happiest from a writing point of view, as a person I am moving in the right direction, all cunning plans, I must get out more and visit friends, the people who mean so much to me, they may not know it, but yes beware I intend to turn up on your doorstep at some point in the coming year, now that’s a promise that I intend to keep!

So, keep spreading the disease and tell the world, watch the skies for incoming, I seem to have wandered off the beaten track of late, this will be a bumper year for life blogs, historical, maybe even hysterical ones and everything else, until then……………………Toodles!

Over the Top

Well this is very nearly the last blog of the year, work has kept me busy so I have not gathered any thoughts, I know its been nearly three weeks, but I am old, lets see what happens shall we.

Only one more before the end of the year and I am determined for it to be “The Whalers Dues” well at the moment it is but, never say never, I could always delete it rather than publish the bloody thing, I would hate for anybody to think that it’s a pile of poop! We shall see, consider it an end of year present.

Looking at the way the blogs have been running, next year will potentially be the last year of the blog as I head to the magic 500 number, I shall need to up my game and be full of positivity as I would like to end the blog on a high note, numbers have been pretty damn good even if the last one has taken an age to be the best read blog of the year, seriously numbers have gone up year on year, this one will potentially take us over the 50000 hits, was the last one slow simply  because I was being honest or was it because I used a Billy Joel song title well done to those who still have a go at the name game, and no this one is not a motorhead B side it’s the title track of……ah that would be telling you!

Tomorrow is my last check up of the year, my health has been rather shitty for the last couple of months, my number one objective for the new year is to get better in every sense of my being, and hopefully I will keep the updates to good ones as infrequently as I possibly can, my intention is to out run the sandman who doses me just about every night as I tend to snooze in the living room most nights, I know I can do better.

Cunning plans are still afoot , but I will keep my powder dry and run silent run deep on the progress of these cunning plots until I literally have something concrete to report, but things are progressing at a snails pace, its still progress, today was a busy day, up with the larks to go to the dentist, I bought the wife some flowers (simply because I can, no I had not done anything stupid, well not that I am aware of anyway) did some more decorating, went for a hobble with my youngest (which I regret as I am now bloody crippled) crawled around the loft trying to find  out how the vermin are still getting, in made tea for everybody and now I am sat here typing this (I told you I was a busy boy) I then intend to sit and be pleasant with the family (well it is Christmas) I may even have a glass or two of Jack.

Tomorrow I have another long list and I intend to crack on with it, lots to do, nothing to do with Christmas at all, everything that needs to be done has been, nope just a shit load of stuff, I like being busy, I wish I could be more busy, however life has caught up with me, and it keeps kicking me in the seat of my pants, so I will do what I can before I collapse in a heap, or fall asleep at some point , who knows I simply take each day as it comes now. Next year I promise me and the wife will be more social and that is a promise as long as the wife isn’t working a late shift give us a holler we will be there…..Hopefully!

At some point tomorrow night I will sit down to watch some version of A Christmas Carol/ Scrooge/Scrooged and then the festivities can begin, I hope you all have a fantastic time , I hope that you all get what you want, I just want to cook the dinner on the day (my one true bit of joy) then get on with life.

So watch the skies as the next blog has been a long time coming, and it will be the last one of the year, so eat drink and be merry, because on the next I cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war, its time to get some serious blogging done, until then………..Toodles!

Honesty

I should have completed this yesterday, I’m being honest as that’s what the blog is about, I really couldn’t be arsed, I had a couple of days leave, and I intend to do a few things in an around the house but I awoke to a serious case of Tonsillitis, my get up and go had got up and buggered off!

I have written (once or twice) about my health and mental health and I have to be honest with myself more than anyone else it feels like that I have been waging a losing war! I do not intend to give up the good fight, however it has not been as easy as I was hoping it would be. I had an appointment at the quacks regarding my diabetes and although they are happy with my progress, I’m not, I always set higher standards for myself (it’s part of my main issue) and I always struggle to maintain those standards, unfortunately this time I have to not only achieve the standard, I need to surpass them, my weight has become stagnated, it’s a slow slippery slope back to comfort eating and not giving a damn, that’s not a good look I can assure you. I have another appointment on Christmas eve, and I am determined to have lost weight by then, if I haven’t it might have to a more drastic approach.

It has weighed heavily on my shoulders and it seems as though I have been  swimming against the tide, although I have been confident, I feel as though I have lied to myself, and I need to redouble my efforts, because of this my mental health has slipped ever so slightly, again this is an issue regarding my weight and my diabetes, thankfully my PTSD has been kept at bay and I seem to be doing  well with regards to that particular issue, but there are other issues picking away at me like a scab that I don’t seem to be able to resolve, nothing serious, it just means that my confidence is leaching away, once this happens it’s a downward spiral, thankfully I’m not quite there yet, but I have been teetering on the edge, I doubt it will take much to tip me over, but I am working to be that better person that I always strive to be.

I have been doing quite a bit of reading on how to deal with these issues, mental exercises to keep me in the present, not to float off back to more darker times. the fact that I can admit to having  an issue is the best thing that I can do, I don’t really want to go back and ask for a course of treatment as I feel that there are many more people out there who need assistance than I do, and I know how long it would take for me to go through the ritual of going cap in hand asking for help, that is not me putting road blocks in the way I simply know how the system works, if I genuinely thought I needed help I would ask, I’m a dumb ass about a lot of things, my health is not one, I should have asked for help a long time ago, but I didn’t so I now have to bounce backwards and forwards dealing with the crap in my head, I would say I’m a good 60% better than I was  before ,at the least the ship isn’t sinking anymore, however if the bilge pumps stopped being efficient, I would most surely suffer.

I get emotional now, something I never did before, I was told I had a lack of empathy towards most things in my orbit, it doesn’t take me much to feel emotion starting to rise, at times I get swamped by it, as I simply do not know what to do with it, as usual I hear the voice in my head saying “suck it up butter cup” sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, as always as long as I wake up happy I can just about get through most days, sometimes I’m a tad distant but then again I think I always was.

I’m aware of friends and colleagues suffering with issues, I know the signs now, purely because I have from time to time gone through similar issues, I don’t think that I’m particularly good at helping people but at least I do try, I always start at the same point: -

Hold

On

Pain

Ends

Its true HOPE sounds strange but it’s the one thing that gets me through, because the crap does at some point end, its crap at the time and it does feel like it goes on and on and on, eventually  it does end, but then at some point it will all start again, it’s how you as an individual deal with it, you need to have some kind of positivity in your life, even just a smidgen at the starting point, you need to have good friends, and I know I do, I simply live far too far away from them for them to help as much as they could, I’m not one to ring people (I’m not a fan of the telephone I believe it’s the work of the devil) but every now and again I receive a phone call out of the blue and it’s so good to know that somebody thought of you just for a second on something that some people might consider inconsequential but to me it’s everything.

Keep your friends close, your family too if you have to, I know not all families are happy, so start with your friends and take it from there, help people , smile, say hello, you would be surprised what good it will do, there are more people suffering from mental health issues than ever before, if you do not suffer congratulations to you and hopefully you will never suffer, but they say at least 80% of people at some point in their life will need assistance in some way or another, so stay strong and if you can lend a hand, lend a shoulder or let them bend an ear it costs nothing to listen.

The last blog was the best of the year (numbers wise) and it’s still going fairly strong! Some people took the blog the wrong way, although I wasn’t in the best fettle, but I was attempting to right the ship, and I kind of succeeded, in a way, I am pumping (literally)  the bilge pumps, manfully holding me above waves, life is crap but I don’t care, I can have my off days, but it’s all peaks and troughs at the moment I am upward bound, it’s the downhill slope that I am trying to avoid.

I promise that this will be the last introspective one for a while, I do intend to do some historical ones in the coming weeks, although there may be a slight gap between this and the next one as I have 12 days of hell (not Christmas) before I get a day of with many other things needing to be carried out in between, so needs must, I shall be running silent and attempting to run deep ( I say this and never do) and again attempting to be a mature adult (cough splutter) and help the wife and my kids and my grandkids (yes even grandkids can have issues trust me) then friends and to be honest I am a soft touch I will do anything I can to help people, honestly I am not trying to avoid my own issues, until the next time, keep watching the skies and keep spreading the disease, as I always say at the end of these missives……….Toodles!

Disintegration.

So yet again the wife attempted to assassinate me, it’s a long story but the upshot was I politely asked her not to do something, she did it anyway, hence two cracked ribs you really couldn’t make shit like that up. It was however the beginning of a bleak downward spiral, sounds like fun it wasn’t!

I went back to work and simply wasn’t as user friendly as I can be (I know me with my reputation) as the week went on I got bleaker, I tried not to, but it was hard enough just to drag myself through the working day, for now it tis the season for the Christmas party and for some reason I had said that I would attend, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but then I was probably in one of my rare good moods! I have no idea; well I do its torture, so therefore it’s pretty obvious that I hate myself. The wife hates me going as well, I have no idea why (its ok for her to got to hers) I’m probably paying for the sins of previous partners, who knows, who cares, I’m ok with whatever she wants to do , but nope it would appear I need to ask her to grant me permission, I didn’t and I did go and it was horrible (for me) she got her revenge, she must have used that cursed voodoo that she does!

I had been offered a lift there and back, so that was a plus and the person is pleasant company and really helpful at work, so what could go wrong (hahaha) as always I have gotten ahead of  myself, I  had some lieu time to take and I wanted to get on with painting in the house (yes with cracked ribs, me a sadist? what makes you think that) a couple of coats and my mood was still in the toilet (literally) not people around me, just me and my black dog, I’m going to call him  “Bob”  I suffered through a couple of coats and then did some prep work on other parts of the house using some white matt paint except it went on pink WTF I hated the world with a passion at this point, thankfully it did dry white, once again thankfully I was pulled back from the brink. My tinnitus has also been plaguing me the last couple of weeks and it was building to a crescendo, salvo after salvo of white noise, thankfully today its down to a dull roar.

I also was doing some clear up work in the loft and a couple of chaps from work arrived  to helped me out, I couldn’t have done it by myself! crap that has been in the loft since before we moved in, I simply wanted it gone, again the ribs played a part, I really am getting too old for this crap, a couple of hours and it was complete and I waved goodbye to them I crawled onto the settee in agony, my ribs , my knees you name it and it was all so sore! I waited until my good lady arrived home and I climbed into a hot bath to soak away my ails, I was sensible enough to wait until she was in, just in case I got stuck, after all I am old, I had been given some lovely clothes from a friend, good quality stuff not like the normal shite I buy from ASDA (Walmart for the readers in the good old US of A) so I chose a shirt for the night and I posted a picture to prove I hadn’t given them away to charity, now I hate my picture taken (more of that later) I have a face for radio, I avoid it all costs but I needed to say thank you, now I got quite a few likes for the picture (something I’m not used to) believe it or not it made me feel worse I was spiralling quite badly, it didn’t help “Bob” sat licking his lips, I didn’t/don’t think that a fat bloke in a shirt qualifies for all of the likes, thank you, but some of you people need to drink a lot less in the daytime!

The rain didn’t stop all day, now believe it or not this normally cheers me up not today, my lift arrived on time and I entered the vehicle trying to pose as cheerful as possible, making small talk and the discovering that it’s a smaller world than you can imagine (I wont bore you with the details) we struggled to get parked but did eventually, then with a small hike to the venue, once I got there I knew I had made a ghastly mistake, there were people there enjoying themselves “Bob” was having none of it and he sank  his teeth deep into the organ called my brain, it was like being in one of Dante’s circles of hell, cameras all around me and people not taking the hint, I growled and bit at them, even with all of the drink that had been consumed they soon took the hint, I didn’t mind them having a good time, it was a great party, but I simply should not have gone, as the night dragged on, I simply didn’t leave my seat I interacted as little as I could “Bob” was happy, if I had come down with anybody else I would have sneaked away, I didn’t want to drink, I didn’t want to breathe the intoxication of them having a good time, it was good to see people letting their hair down, I didn’t deserve this, I shouldn’t have been there I was an intruder, I’m glad I didn’t drink as I would have been worse and I would have ended up fighting with someone, I nearly did and I was sober, yes it wasn’t good. I had three glasses of water maybe people finally took the hint!

Staff awards, more happiness and fun, more “Bob” food and small talk, more “Bob” I was sitting there hating the world (actually just the small part I inhabit) more small talk, more “Bob” a cabaret act, which meant thankfully people left me alone and I only had to threaten the official photographer once, hey he remembered me from my official work photograph, see I do not have people skills, but I can growl! so they could go and enjoy themselves, good for them, it was like I had been transported to a room full of aliens, happy friendly aliens all the same it simply wasn’t what I  needed at that moment in time! thankfully the night ended and I was able to slide away with very little fuss, outside in the rain “Bob” slinked back ten paces, more small talk and a brief journey home. I said thank you and took a deep  breath before I entered home as I knew “Bob” was already there waiting for me, I wasn’t pleasant company, I wasn’t unpleasant I was simply holding or at least trying to hold “Bob” at arm’s length, thankfully we soon climbed the wooden hill and I was soon in a dreamless state , but I awoke as though I had indeed been on the drink and “Bob” was still sat at the bottom of the bed.

Breakfast and drugs (for my diabetes) and a plan for a blog, turn Farcebook on and I’m still amazed more people liked my photograph, it didn’t help, I was getting angry (WTF is wrong with my head)  watched the wife head off to work, and I went to get some bread and bits and pieces (junk not good for the soul) now as I type this I feel better, “Bob” is in the house I feel his presence, but he is in the dark recesses where I cant see him, maybe eating a double pack of biscuits is all I need to keep him away, I am only joking I know its not healthy as are my black moods, not healthy for me or my friends and loved ones, unfortunately when “Bob” pops up I no longer am in charge of me, I can fight him to the best of my ability, but I usually am the loser.

As of this moment I do feel slightly better, not perfect but slightly better, I will take each little victory in this ongoing war with “Bob” I really hope that I didn’t spoil anybody’s night (well apart from one prick, I hope I really did piss in his gravy) there was a lot of effort put in to try and ensure that the staff get a little reward for all of their hard work they certainly deserve it, well done to everybody for their efforts but I reckon for a much better time don’t let me go to any more, for everybody’s sake!

For the rest of the day I need to ensure that my head is in the right frame of mind for my coming short working week, I need to give my head a shake, I had been doing so well, I am aware that we all go through peaks and troughs, this was the worst downside I had suffered, thankfully not related to my PTSD, no matter what happens the world keeps turning I know I have to pick myself up and dust myself off, do my (mental) exercises be strong for everybody else and make sure I can do the best for them, I’m not in a bad place (and as always there was/is no chance of any self-harm, calm down at the back) I am  as of this moment officially waving not drowning, I know this has been a bleak blog but I needed to spew this on to a page, sometimes it’s the only to clear your head and get rid of the dread! I’m sitting here listening to music playing the new ELO album, its not helping, I’m off to play he whole album from which the blog title is taken from, yes, the name game is in play even for the bleak blogs!

So hopefully I will be able to do another in a couple of days and my intention is to try (I did say try) and make it happier, more than likely a historical one, one can only hope, thank you for all of your kind comments to previous blogs I really wouldn’t be able to do this without the support of you the discerning (blog) reader! So watch the skies for more incoming, keep spreading the disease, like buses there will always be another one in a couple of days, until then……………. Toodles!  

The Lost Weekend

As I get older I realise how much of an idiot I was when I was younger, when I actually had a full of hair and a waistline, I know such a long time ago, we have covered the main reason why I was an idiot, but rarely have I covered some of the many stupid things that occurred.

My first job after the army was working for a firm that had many fingers in many pies, I was supposed to labouring to the electricians for the contracting side of the firm, but I ended up being a dogsbody in the sportswear shop, Bikes, Air Rifles, Saddlery  WTF, I had experience with one of the three, but I hadn’t got a clue about the other two, then there was the model train department, in those days before the internet you were stuck with the stuff you had ordered until some freak turned up to buy the job lot, the company itself was downsizing ,so the toy department ended up in a store room but peeps still knew that they had stuff, so they would rock up when they needed something, I was there about 8 weeks, in that time I was involved in trying to stop a fire (not my fault) nearly assaulted someone who called me a liar (I was a tad aggressive back in the day, I couldn’t fight my way out of a wet paper bag but I had a loud growl) and I was going to be forced to dress like Santa as the usual one came back from lunch drunk, thankfully that wasn’t actually followed through as I probably would have scarred the kids for life! it’s not like I was sober! Needless to say, I was glad when a job with some further education popped up on my radar, I jumped ship at the first opportunity.

I jumped in the January not the best time to be working for the NCB Forestry Department, but I loved it, good honest physical work, I could actually write a blog simply on my time there (maybe later) again I got messed around and after seven months moved on to the dole, the good thing about it though, was I usually could get a drink through the working day (not ideal when dealing with chain saws) if we were out and about and then at the end of the shift I could climb out of the land rover into a pub before going home to a bath and then bed and then to do it all over again the next day! The dole was soul destroying, I would be at the job centre three times a day simply to see what was new, as if there was ever anything new.

I was young dumb and full of drink (most of the time), whilst not working or looking for work, our merry band would be like last of the summer wine, walking around the country side or stomping about industrial estates looking for gainful employment, thankfully drink was cheap (36 pence for a bottle of Double Maxim 18 Pence for a pint of Fed Special) it didn’t take a lot, but I was usually tipsy (me with my reputation) over the weekend and in a bit of a haze, sometimes I tried to drink with the big boys and always failed miserably ( I was seven stone wet through) the big boys would buy a crate for the park (along with some acid for the 2 hours that the pub would be shut, the good old days) or be drinking/snorting whisky in a bloody clowns nose, they know who they are LOL! the best I could do, would be to be annoying, climb a tree or two or eat flowers out of the flower beds in Middle Street.

Now I’m not saying I had a bad time, I didn’t I loved it, loved my friends and generally had a good time, girls occasionally entered the universe but let’s just say I usually (usually is Latin for always) failed miserably, I eventually ended up working for the (queue song) YMCA as an outdoors activity instructor, again a great job with some fab people and payday (Thursday in little wage packets) was fun with a capital F! I always called into the bank first so that I didn’t like some people end up spending all £52, it was always a hoot for us to sod off to the pub, my most fond memory was a lovely person, not quite sober playing the piano to some old dears as they did indoor bowls (he went on to join a well-known black metal group, he knows who he is) and discussing the merits of Maiden doing longer songs, at least I was sober! After that it was random jobs (too few to mention) and I did temp work in music companies who usually had me back from time to time (except Polydor who took exception to me puking in the desk one Friday afternoon (before Christmas) and not telling anybody, when they came back it smelt like death in the whole building, they never had me back! But I don’t think they ever got rid of the damn smell, Oh dear not my problem, falling asleep on the underground upside down, I am so glad that there was no such thing as mobile phones that would have been embarrassing  thankfully I was always with friends, I rarely flew solo in the big city, most of the time I was annoying, sarcastic and a fine purveyor of chaos and mayhem (to be honest I was a light weight in many ways)  the amount of times in the summer (notice I said summer I wasn’t that dumb to attempt it in the winter) I would end walking home from the Mayfair in Newcastle to home in Gimpsville (over 18 miles) because I was blind drunk (blind as in I couldn’t see my lift) the number of times I would wake up in a farmers fields as it had been a warm night and I just wanted to go to sleep, I did scare some people from time to time rising like a corpse from a field of corn, mind you it wasn’t so clever one day when I discovered the farmer in said field with a combine harvester.

I would hitch everywhere (always sober, I was dumb just not that dumb) and I was always choosy about who offered me lifts, thankfully I was always presentable and clean, so I did get a few lifts from families or couples, I rarely took a lift in a truck (dodgy) unless it was a well-known firm from Gimpsville and I knew most of the drivers, not that many stopped, I still remember the same guy waving to me every time he passed me, I had the last laugh as he got pulled over in Gimpsville in his car for what looked like drink driving, the police asked me to move on, I saw him loads after that but never behind the wheel of a vehicle, funny that!

Trains were the worst for  me because I could drink and sleep, the number of times that I fell asleep on a train, I usually made sure that I would travel in a party of friends if it was something important, I remember one new year’s eve running for the train from Newcastle to Durham and just jumping on the train as it was pulling out, oh how the conductor laughed as we asked for singles to Durham when in actual fact it was going to Edinburgh, that was a long cold night in Edinburgh, a great night but still bloody cold, I used to travel to Scunthorpe to visit the favourite members of my family and I was always sober on that train, I needed to be off in Doncaster not some ghastly place 200 miles south of my destination (I did it once never again).

By and large I think I was a pest, it wasn’t meant to be serious and although I still see old friends (I have been back in Gimpsville for over 16 years I have only been out twice with one old friend in that time) maybe I was more than just annoying, I didn’t mean to be, I miss those times dearly some of  my friends have passed, some have moved on, some live simply too far away (I wish we hadn’t come back to Gimpsville in all honesty I love the place, but my friends live miles away) whenever I see my old friends, the ones in Gimpsville I am always sincere and honest with them, maybe they don’t need to have the imagined agro anymore, thankfully I have matured (I have) and the agro has long gone but the world changes and moves on, I love the people in my life I just don’t get to see them as much as I would like to, that’s down to me and the wife not to them, ah look I’m coming on all melancholy!

Another blog, off the cuff and done on the spur of the moment, all derived from a 7 word sentence, I think I’m getting the hang of this blogging lark, well maybe not, again if I spend more time they go to dark places I’m hoping to keep them of a humorous nature, that seems to be the spark that’s needed, I have another four ideas bubbling away, but family time is coming for this weekend, some us time for me and the wife (I can hear her groan with wonderment from here…….not) it has to  be done, no name game this week as it’s a well-known film that has supplied me with the inspiration for this little missive, what can I say except I enjoyed it, enjoy and spread the disease, watch the skies for more incoming and until the very next time ……………..Toodles!

Give up your day job.

Once again, I aint got nothing, I’m as empty as my wallet, I have let my creative juices dry up, I feel like Private Pike as I keep saying to myself “stupid boy” in the voice of Captain Mainwaring and I had been doing so well.

The last cunning plan crashed and burned almost on take-off (I should have known it was never going to be that easy) but rising like a phoenix is the same insane dream just modified with a sense of reality (sort of) regarding the time scale, it’s still a cunning plan, it’s just going to take slightly longer than realised, that gives me a little more time in reality to declutter our lives and to bring the house up to scratch, but rest assured the plan is moving forward. No doubt the further adventures of my lunacy will raise their head as soon as something happens!

I have been incredibly busy at work, so much so that the well has run dry, I can’t multi task or focus on too many things! I still have ideas and sparks of blogs, but by the time I get to resolve my idea and commit to paper, its so watered down the magic has gone from it! To rectify that I have bought two little black books (not to be carried at the same time) to carry with me so that I can jot down those little sparks of an idea! I honestly was never a boy scout, but I do like to be prepared, who knew!

Family life is spiralling at the moment with all of us so busy there is hardly the chance to catch our breath, thankfully the youngest is catching our coat tails and putting us back on the right line, every little helps, the pooch is also doing his best to bring cheer to us all and greets who ever rocks up to the front door with a wag of his tail, thankfully bonfire night wasn’t too stressful for him even though it was like the battle of the Somme on the night itself! (another part of the reason for the cunning plan to crash and burn quite literally).

I will admit to avoiding the TV as much as possible as “Brexit (as in couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery) is incredibly annoying, round them all up put them in a field, and simply leave them there, I’m not wishing anybody any ill will. It’s simply just those people who look after themselves (I wish I got subsidised bait at work) the money jockeys are only looking after themselves (again), I knew that this would happen, hence the reason for avoiding Brexit, I have no intention of discussing this on this particular medium (actually on any medium for that matter), I don’t think that the FBI would help me with any death threats that might come my way, well at least on that subject matter!

Now as we rush headlong into the least favourite part of the year, my birthday and Christmas all in the mix, I cant wait for the 30^th of December to say hiccy burpday to the Mrs, I know that she needs some cheering up, that’s why I keep buying her flowers of late,  I haven’t done anything wrong I just wish to ease her ride through the rich tapestry that we call life, I can be a nice person when I try, I know I need to try a little harder, at least for the wife’s sake, bless her!

I’m hoping that by doing this spontaneous blog the juices erupt like Vesuvius (ooer missus) that does sound wrong even as I read it back to myself, hey ho its done now, I intend to tinker over the weekend to complete something more meaningful, on that note I have decided to try and finally publish “The Whalers Dues” no later than New Year’s day, fingers crossed. It’s taken me longer to finish this particular blog than it has taken George RR Martin has to complete game of scones, at least I think that’s what his series of books are called, I’m not sure, as I’m old and infirm and don’t seem to have much recall these days! I have decided on a path hopefully not full of bitterness and bile, I hope it’s as good as I have thought it was, if not I have wasted a shit load of time trying to polish this particular turd, who knows let’s see how it goes. As always, I’m sure that you all will be vocal and tell me!

The old blogs have been ticking away with most days in double figures for the older ones, someone must be bored as they trawl through the classics (cough splutter) that’s part of the reason why I haven’t put pen to paper (so to speak) why spoil a good thing I would hate to over burden you the discerning reader, music is the order of the day with playing more and more just to fill the void of TV, I have no intention of resorting to Drag Race like the wife does (and yes I knew it wasn’t about cars) life is far too short to waste what little time I have in my life (me full of doom and gloom …..never) I’m sure that it will come out in the wash!

And yes the name game is in play!

So that’s the spur of the moment blog done, already I can feel the juices starting to bubble (no its not flatulence…..hang on it might be) thanks for all the kind words and messages at least none of you have thought I was in a deep dark place, I was I simply have some tools to deal with it so hopefully I am a ray of sunshine to my friends and family (again cough splutter) keep spreading the disease and watch the skies as there will be one arriving a lot quicker than this one, I will post as soon as this one starts to run out of steam, I know you all would like some consistency, so do I let’s see how I do (again I’m sure you will all be vocal) so until the next one………..Toodles!