The Whalers Dues

This has been an incredibly hard blog to write, and its turned out to be not the blog intended (thank god I couldn’t deal with any more death threats) but once I got this particular bone between my teeth I have been determined not to be beaten. At times there has been an enormous of bile and hatred, which is why I have beavered away on this missive, the intention has been not to be full of hate in any way shape or form. I know I have failed on that score, at least I tried to be a better person(hahaha yeah right) The idea formed on a night out to a wedding that me and the wife attended, not our usual crew, I knew only one person, so I had to be on my (tee hee) best behaviour. I struggled as I wasn’t having the best moment in my life at that point, but I tried (and failed miserably) but at least I tried!

I had never physically been in the venue before, but I had been past it loads of times, a typical working men’s club, good honest people, salt of the earth, you know the kind, all that I love when I go for a pint. At some point in time the world has moved on and has changed, I’m a tad (ahem) large (not as large as I used to be but not slim either)I have the fashion police call on me on a regular basis, the wife has helped me wonderfully, however If you dressed me in Gucci or some other famous fashion branded clothing, I would still look like a bag of shite tied in the middle, it’s my shape and size, not me I’m just not destined to walk the catwalk, and I’m alright with that, Jeans and T shirts is fine with me, however as previously mentioned the wife has steered me in the right direction on a regular basis.

At some point in time though, and I’m not sure when, the world has become a fashion statement, people of all ages trying to dress to an age that they are not, I’m not against people having nice things, I believe I would prefer that you had common sense more than the fashion sense of a teenager at the age of 60! at this wedding all of the ladies were trying to be as glamorous as any famous fashion models (insert the appropriate name as I don’t know any….yes I am that clueless)  now some of these ladies were , how can I put this politely, I don’t think I can but I’m going to try, plus size, and not that there is any issues with that, I’m not a super model myself, but surely somebody looks in the mirror before they come out and at some point even myself would go WTF, why would you do it, some of the blokes weren’t exactly Brad Pitt (more like Arm Pitt) but the clobber simply looked out of place. I thought I was in downtown Miami not the neck end of the town, I’m all for people having aspirations, but WTF!

I wondered at the sights unfolding, some of them had more attitude than Beyoncé, damn they were beautiful, trust me you weren’t, now I’m not saying that these individuals should become shy wall flowers, but you should have some level of acceptance of what you look like and should dress accordingly, trust me a 26 stone lady should not be wearing a mini skirt, I kid you not, there were one or two ladies there that were just as large, however were covered in a much more fashionable manner and dare I say it in a much more demure way. Now this isn’t an isolated sighting, as I have wandered through any part of our green and fair land and there are 50 + people who weigh more than 20 stone who if they could get away with it would be out wearing bikini’s its simply not cricket. Maybe we should beat them around the head and shoulders with a cricket bat.

Now I can hear you all saying where is the bile where is the hate filled messages and all the other things that I had promised over the previous few blogs, well I have actually thought more about this blog than any other posting and at times this blog was in excess of 8000 words , it stands at around a more manageable 2100 (although it’s under constant review)at the moment, it was like me and the people in this blog it was HUUUUUUGE! But I have kept whittling away at it, some of it was not necessary and I didn’t want people to think that I was a horrible person, I can be at times, but I honestly try not to be.  It has happened overnight we have become the 51^st state of America the amount of clinically obese people, and I count myself among these people I was 11 stone at the age of 40 and by the age of 48 I was double that, I have had a couple of years yo yoing between weight but I’m now heading in the right direction, I would ideally love to lose another seven stone but it’s still small steps just because I have lost three and a half stone doesn’t mean that I am going to keep it off it’s a battle, but at least I know what the cause is, and hopefully will conquer the issue one day at a time.

But I personally do not stand around in bars or other social occasions trying to look like something I’m not, by all means I applaud you for your gumption, even if I was 11 stone, I still wouldn’t have the balls to go out dressed in the way that you do. I love people watching and I have just realised that this isn’t a new phenomenon! Why The Whalers Dues, it was a song I had been playing a lot at the time of the initial germ of thought for this blog and in heightened moments of the odd diabetic coma ( I suffer them on every other day) I had visions of being out on the North sea with the waves buffeting my craft, the waves wafting my lustrous long hair (hahaha) as I stand in the bow with my harpoon gun trying to actually spear one of these lovely harpies! No maybe, it’s just my vivid imagination, either that or the drugs do work. I now gaze at the vast herds of wildebeest and its only actuated by the clothing that they wear.

At work or at least whilst travelling to and from and all around site (I see some sights), I see these people who looked fine, who all of a sudden become clothes horses with modern clothing were now they simply look uncomfortable, people who have had the same haircut for years and then they decide to do something different but’s it’s like Gary Oldman’s hair cut in the fifth element , simply weird and all obtuse angles, by all means do something different make yourself happy but maybe not magenta or purple, grown men (and not necessarily fat although they usually are) who are dressed in bright colours and are fitted out with something that their own teenage family would deny as living in the same post code never mind the same family group, dayglo pink sued shoes with mustard jeans and similar dayglo patterned t shirt with a jacket that costs £300 but in reality is worth less than £30!

I shake my head on a regular basis, no I am not better than these people I simply wonder what is going through their minds and what caused this particular fashion revolution! Why does everybody have to dress like a teenager, by all means you all deserve the opportunity to feel like you are happy with life, in reality you just look sad and angry and for what, hey if it makes you happy good luck to you, I have to admit I see an awful lot of sad and angry older people out there, now don’t get me wrong there are some people who look fab, but they know what style suits them and they have their own special look, not something that’s been bought off the shelves of Primark for a four stone chipolata.

I guess what I’m trying to say is enjoy life, find your style and go with it, own but please stop being a sheep, you are of a certain age and a certain size, you can still look good, you can still feel good, we all deserve some thing for ourselves, the original blog was full of anger and bile, I would have been better off standing in my back yard and howling at the moon, I have no idea what set me off, I have no idea how I had accumulated so much bile against the world and people who I don’t even know, what the hell does it matter what I think, it doesn’t, I suppose it means that I am as human as the rest of us, I never said I was perfect but maybe just maybe I’m not as bright as I thought I was.

I have to build a better version of me, not just for my sake but for my family , my friends and the people who enter into my sphere of habitat, my bus journeys, my hobbles around Gimpsville, just generally being outside, I’m not better than anybody else (not that I have ever thought I was) and I don’t strive to be, I need to live each day being the best person I can be for the my own sake and in reality everybody else. Wear what ever makes you happy have the haircut that makes you look like a twat (I’m only jealous) life is too short that doesn’t mean at some point I won’t be in my boat trying to harpoon whales when I see them!

After sitting on this for around 18 months and it having a number of retweaks, over that time period, I was determined that it would be published at some point, the longer I kept it the worse it would be, I know this was never going to have the potency that the original had, even the reasoning that I had at the time is now obscured by the passage of time it had the potential to raise the wrath of the population of the entire north east of England as the entire population could have taken exception, Even the FBI wouldn’t have wanted to help me and my cause, and as I have already said life’s too short!

So there you go the last blog of the year, there is enough bile left in my to cause me enough trouble in my personal life, it’s not what I want, but sooner or latter its likely to come back to bite me in the ass, why should I add to my tales of woe! As always I thank everybody who over the last few years has taken the time to read my drivel, trust me it helps keep me sane, thank you to everybody who has meant that the site has had more than 50000 hits this year, lets see where this one gets us too?

The next year as already mentioned is potentially going to be the last year as my intention is to bow out when I hit the 500 mark, this is number 450, I need to up my game and hopefully bow out on a high with some historical, some funny and some general observations on life the universe and everything, this last year has not been the happiest from a writing point of view, as a person I am moving in the right direction, all cunning plans, I must get out more and visit friends, the people who mean so much to me, they may not know it, but yes beware I intend to turn up on your doorstep at some point in the coming year, now that’s a promise that I intend to keep!

So, keep spreading the disease and tell the world, watch the skies for incoming, I seem to have wandered off the beaten track of late, this will be a bumper year for life blogs, historical, maybe even hysterical ones and everything else, until then……………………Toodles!