The Lost Weekend

As I get older I realise how much of an idiot I was when I was younger, when I actually had a full of hair and a waistline, I know such a long time ago, we have covered the main reason why I was an idiot, but rarely have I covered some of the many stupid things that occurred.

My first job after the army was working for a firm that had many fingers in many pies, I was supposed to labouring to the electricians for the contracting side of the firm, but I ended up being a dogsbody in the sportswear shop, Bikes, Air Rifles, Saddlery  WTF, I had experience with one of the three, but I hadn’t got a clue about the other two, then there was the model train department, in those days before the internet you were stuck with the stuff you had ordered until some freak turned up to buy the job lot, the company itself was downsizing ,so the toy department ended up in a store room but peeps still knew that they had stuff, so they would rock up when they needed something, I was there about 8 weeks, in that time I was involved in trying to stop a fire (not my fault) nearly assaulted someone who called me a liar (I was a tad aggressive back in the day, I couldn’t fight my way out of a wet paper bag but I had a loud growl) and I was going to be forced to dress like Santa as the usual one came back from lunch drunk, thankfully that wasn’t actually followed through as I probably would have scarred the kids for life! it’s not like I was sober! Needless to say, I was glad when a job with some further education popped up on my radar, I jumped ship at the first opportunity.

I jumped in the January not the best time to be working for the NCB Forestry Department, but I loved it, good honest physical work, I could actually write a blog simply on my time there (maybe later) again I got messed around and after seven months moved on to the dole, the good thing about it though, was I usually could get a drink through the working day (not ideal when dealing with chain saws) if we were out and about and then at the end of the shift I could climb out of the land rover into a pub before going home to a bath and then bed and then to do it all over again the next day! The dole was soul destroying, I would be at the job centre three times a day simply to see what was new, as if there was ever anything new.

I was young dumb and full of drink (most of the time), whilst not working or looking for work, our merry band would be like last of the summer wine, walking around the country side or stomping about industrial estates looking for gainful employment, thankfully drink was cheap (36 pence for a bottle of Double Maxim 18 Pence for a pint of Fed Special) it didn’t take a lot, but I was usually tipsy (me with my reputation) over the weekend and in a bit of a haze, sometimes I tried to drink with the big boys and always failed miserably ( I was seven stone wet through) the big boys would buy a crate for the park (along with some acid for the 2 hours that the pub would be shut, the good old days) or be drinking/snorting whisky in a bloody clowns nose, they know who they are LOL! the best I could do, would be to be annoying, climb a tree or two or eat flowers out of the flower beds in Middle Street.

Now I’m not saying I had a bad time, I didn’t I loved it, loved my friends and generally had a good time, girls occasionally entered the universe but let’s just say I usually (usually is Latin for always) failed miserably, I eventually ended up working for the (queue song) YMCA as an outdoors activity instructor, again a great job with some fab people and payday (Thursday in little wage packets) was fun with a capital F! I always called into the bank first so that I didn’t like some people end up spending all £52, it was always a hoot for us to sod off to the pub, my most fond memory was a lovely person, not quite sober playing the piano to some old dears as they did indoor bowls (he went on to join a well-known black metal group, he knows who he is) and discussing the merits of Maiden doing longer songs, at least I was sober! After that it was random jobs (too few to mention) and I did temp work in music companies who usually had me back from time to time (except Polydor who took exception to me puking in the desk one Friday afternoon (before Christmas) and not telling anybody, when they came back it smelt like death in the whole building, they never had me back! But I don’t think they ever got rid of the damn smell, Oh dear not my problem, falling asleep on the underground upside down, I am so glad that there was no such thing as mobile phones that would have been embarrassing  thankfully I was always with friends, I rarely flew solo in the big city, most of the time I was annoying, sarcastic and a fine purveyor of chaos and mayhem (to be honest I was a light weight in many ways)  the amount of times in the summer (notice I said summer I wasn’t that dumb to attempt it in the winter) I would end walking home from the Mayfair in Newcastle to home in Gimpsville (over 18 miles) because I was blind drunk (blind as in I couldn’t see my lift) the number of times I would wake up in a farmers fields as it had been a warm night and I just wanted to go to sleep, I did scare some people from time to time rising like a corpse from a field of corn, mind you it wasn’t so clever one day when I discovered the farmer in said field with a combine harvester.

I would hitch everywhere (always sober, I was dumb just not that dumb) and I was always choosy about who offered me lifts, thankfully I was always presentable and clean, so I did get a few lifts from families or couples, I rarely took a lift in a truck (dodgy) unless it was a well-known firm from Gimpsville and I knew most of the drivers, not that many stopped, I still remember the same guy waving to me every time he passed me, I had the last laugh as he got pulled over in Gimpsville in his car for what looked like drink driving, the police asked me to move on, I saw him loads after that but never behind the wheel of a vehicle, funny that!

Trains were the worst for  me because I could drink and sleep, the number of times that I fell asleep on a train, I usually made sure that I would travel in a party of friends if it was something important, I remember one new year’s eve running for the train from Newcastle to Durham and just jumping on the train as it was pulling out, oh how the conductor laughed as we asked for singles to Durham when in actual fact it was going to Edinburgh, that was a long cold night in Edinburgh, a great night but still bloody cold, I used to travel to Scunthorpe to visit the favourite members of my family and I was always sober on that train, I needed to be off in Doncaster not some ghastly place 200 miles south of my destination (I did it once never again).

By and large I think I was a pest, it wasn’t meant to be serious and although I still see old friends (I have been back in Gimpsville for over 16 years I have only been out twice with one old friend in that time) maybe I was more than just annoying, I didn’t mean to be, I miss those times dearly some of  my friends have passed, some have moved on, some live simply too far away (I wish we hadn’t come back to Gimpsville in all honesty I love the place, but my friends live miles away) whenever I see my old friends, the ones in Gimpsville I am always sincere and honest with them, maybe they don’t need to have the imagined agro anymore, thankfully I have matured (I have) and the agro has long gone but the world changes and moves on, I love the people in my life I just don’t get to see them as much as I would like to, that’s down to me and the wife not to them, ah look I’m coming on all melancholy!

Another blog, off the cuff and done on the spur of the moment, all derived from a 7 word sentence, I think I’m getting the hang of this blogging lark, well maybe not, again if I spend more time they go to dark places I’m hoping to keep them of a humorous nature, that seems to be the spark that’s needed, I have another four ideas bubbling away, but family time is coming for this weekend, some us time for me and the wife (I can hear her groan with wonderment from here…….not) it has to  be done, no name game this week as it’s a well-known film that has supplied me with the inspiration for this little missive, what can I say except I enjoyed it, enjoy and spread the disease, watch the skies for more incoming and until the very next time ……………..Toodles!