Month 3.

1^st. Back to the grind, work, work and then work just a little more, I’m happy for the distraction, my mind has been wandering off in black directions, I have been struggling to drag the focus back onto something positive, work has certainly helped! It might not be the perfect solution and I know I will suffer before long, the mind may be willing, however the body can no longer do the hours I used to do, I arrive home more tired now than when I was on the tools. Home for a quiet night, the wife not 100% I need to give her some love and attention she is suffering, not from me for once! (Album of the day Place Vendome – Close to the sun).

2^nd. Once more unto the breach and back into at work, many spinning plates, I hate getting up for the early shift, but it pays huge dividends in so much as that there’s nobody here to bother me, so I can just crack on, I will admit to flagging at the end of the shift, I got a lovely surprise as the wife was in when I got home, I had thought she would be a couple of hours behind me, simple things do lift my flagging spirits and thankfully another quiet night in, I needed to try and build some reserves of energy as I have the weekend in at work. (Album of the day – Axel Rudi Pell Magic Moments).

3^rd. Friday is usually the light at the end of the tunnel, not this week as I’m duty manager, so time to be a big boy and simply get on with it, thankfully there was no major issues, well until I got home, to be honest it wasn’t even an major issue then, as I discovered that the youngest was coming home for the weekend, the downfall was I had to go back to work to pick her up (AAAAAH) the weather was pretty horrific so I was very quiet when we slipped into work and slipped out again with only a few people seeing me (the look of panic is always a pleasure) we headed home on a different route as roads were becoming waterlogged this didn’t bode well for the coming weekend, bad weather = lots of people through the doors. (Album of the day – Simon Kirke All because of you).

4^th. Up with the larks and to glorious sunshine (WTF) a quick jaunt on the plague carrier to work to meet a bemused co-worker who wanted to swap the split shift only for him to screw it up completely he actually wanted the early shift however he was gracious enough to admit defeat, I did offer to cover the full day, but he is a good soul, I had to welcome the archbishop of York to work for a couple of flash mobs, there were more than a few nervous people, who for some reason think I’m quite irreverent to things like that, but I can play a nice person from time to time. Still the sun split the sky, so thankfully not a lot of ass wipes arrived (that’s the general public to you) the day flew over (with only two serious accidents both elderly people with bad falls) the trepidation that I had felt thankfully wasn’t warranted, thankfully because of the good weather there wasn’t any traffic issues, so I was able to catch a plague carrier and get home with relative ease. Once home I was once with a nurse’s uniform on (I know not a pretty sight) as the wife is in serious pain with her foot, again a quiet night I was relieved to have half of the weekend over, hopefully I haven’t jinxed myself. (Album of the day Dream Theater – Images and words).

5^th A Magpie, a dirty black and white magpie, that harbinger of doom, I knew I was jinxed from the off, and boy was I right, a day of a roller coaster of emotions with so many things of which I won’t go into details simply as it was a total cluster fuck of a day, the worst aspect of it was the general public, the greedy horrible people, those who want something for nothing, who will step over people to get what they want, there were a number of them who I wanted (to seriously punch right in the throat) to be honest the staff were fantastic and I really couldn’t thank them enough everybody stepped up to the plate, and yes they got me through the day it wasn’t going to end well otherwise, the wife picked me up and we got the hell out of dodge, a late dinner at our local spoons with the youngest lifted this old man’s spirits, the day couldn’t end soon enough I was shattered, this getting old shit isn’t the best you know! (Album of the day Tokyo Motor Fist – Debut).

6^th. Day eight of hell, I now had three days to finalise the Fire Risk Assessment for my place of work, let’s just say it’s a mammoth task, the day was relentless and I didn’t even get started with what I wanted to do, I was going to have to book a meeting room and hide myself away if I intended to make any head way. I headed home not in a good head space to find that I was home alone as the wife and the youngest were going to see some drag queens (so not my scene) the night started badly and continued all the way until I went to bed. I simply went to bed to stop myself eating anything I could get my hands on. The wife rang to say that she was on her way home however all I wanted was my pit and that’s exactly where she found me, asleep and thankfully not eating anything else! (Album of the day Jürgen Blackmore – Destructive mania, quite apt really).

7^th. Today simply had to get better but it didn’t, the whole day spiralled away in chaos, thankfully I was in a better frame of mind, sleep had cleared my mind and thankfully I was able to crack on (mind you I think the whole world heard my scream as I merged two documents that I didn’t intend to, and no I have no idea how I saved the day, but thankfully I did) I got a lot more done than I had envisaged, thankfully this helped, I was still happy when the day ended, I only had one more day of hell left, a quiet night in with no computer switched on tonight was an electronic free night something I might need more of! (Album of the day – Unruly Child – Can’t go home).

8^th. Because I can see the finish line I let my guard slip , just a little, but I still need to be careful, I cracked on and nearly (so close yet so far) finished all the work I wanted to, although my computer skills (or rather the lack of them) got the better of me, so I missed my (self-imposed) deadline, but for once I simply shrugged my shoulders, my head was battered and I simply didn’t want to make any mistakes this close to completion. I threw my hands in the air and admitted defeat, again more issues that I didn’t need to be dragged into, so I kept my distance making sure I kept from getting swept into the maelstrom, Monday will come around soon enough I want to try and enjoy my four days of freedom, that is waving at me in the distance, thankfully home time came soon enough, I stayed booted and suited because I knew I was going to have to help the wife in, we got another surprise in the shape of the Hurricane for an hour as we did yet another good deed, just as The Hurricane headed home I gladly kicked off my shoes only to her the wife ask me to go and put some gas on (AAAAAAAARGH) the dummy was spat well over the wall, not that I minded going to do the task but it’s almost like she waited until I had my shoes off and my feet were so happy to unleashed from the demonic work shoes that I have to wear (NO not high heels ya bunch of pervs), however I’m not the uncaring beast of old I simply muttered (admittedly at higher level than normal volume) and got on with it, I nearly (notice I said nearly)ran there and back, task complete I sat my ass in the chair and didn’t stir until I was told to climb the wooden hill and go to sleep, no music today way to busy!

9^th. Old man syndrome has caught up with me in the middle of the night as I ran to the loo before I wet the bed, thankfully crisis averted I was able to climb back into my (dry) bed and go back to sleep, until the wife’s alarm clock raised me fresh from my slumber, a quick bath to get rid of the stench of death from my weary body, and then to find out that the first part of the day meant that I was again going to be home alone, not something I was looking forward to, the wife went out and I retreated to the back of the house, the dark part where I could sulk and be in easy reach of food if my mind was going to go that way, thankfully it hasn’t and the wife wasn’t as long as I thought, so once we got her in the house and up on the settee (the quacks have given her a fortnight sick note) I was able to listen to some good Teutonic metal to cheer myself up, a quiet night ahead and hopefully I can be restored mentally as I really don’t want to waste the rest of my time off, and I really would love to do something other than hide in my cave and brood, let’s see what happens! (Album of the day Herman Frank – The devil rides out).

10^th. Day two in the big brother house and I am nursing an invalid, I have no issues as she normally looks after me, hang on a second she normally tells me to suck it up buttercup, ah well I ventured out to the quacks to pick up a sick note for the wounded and I insist that while I am in the house she sits her butt on the settee and rests the bloody foot, the day slid away and before I knew it, it was time for the wooden hill. (Album of the day Tim Ripper Owens -  Play My Game).

11^th. So the weekend starts and basically its little odds and sods, my flesh eating disease is back and my beard is starting to be annoying, this won’t end well, an afternoon trawling through the loft for items for the invalid, quite enjoyable in a sweaty kind of way, then a nice long soak in a hot bath, me fall asleep, how very dare as if I would…..OK so I did just for a little bit, more nursing and a quiet night for us both, yes the beard went the distance, very little music today and nothing that I would quote as album of the day, thankfully though the day went well and not full of doom and gloom as I usually am, how the hell did that happen.

12^th Sunday already and once again just odds and sods through the day another bath, a Sunday dinner although not horrible, I didn’t enjoy it, and before anyone complains, I do the cooking so yes I can complain, I ate it (no surprise there then) but I didn’t enjoy it, the wife did but hey ho she married me so she has to be easily pleased (it’s a joke FFS!) I can’t believe four days have slipped by and the only time I have been out of the house was to go to the quacks and to empty the bins, where did my get up and go vanish off to? Back to the grind tomorrow, oh deep joy, still not much music today again looking after the walking dead doesn’t give you much time, but cunning plans for the coming weeks, I’m off for a week soon I might even break out the turntable, mind you I have had nearly two years so I’m not going to rush into it! The moral of that tale is why the hell would anybody buy me technology I’m a sodding luddite does nobody read my blog!

13^th. Well today simply didn’t go as planned, I went for a later plague carrier, I was still at work for just after seven (WTF) I don’t start until eight, got stuck into my emails on the bus, although most get deleted, I have to check them all in case I have to do any investigations/reports, I get to work and find out I’m in a Risk Management course, something that I can’t get out of and it’s a full day thing, I answered what emails I could and rang whatever people  were up at that ungodly hour, including one ungrateful lady who is basically going to get the full legal broadside from me, I did and I mean I really did try to help, the day flew over and I enjoyed an empty plague carrier ride home, well I say I I enjoyed it actually that should read that I blinked for large portions of the journey, home again to look after the invalid, who is a worse patient than me (and that takes some bloody doing) the day as a whole has been good even if the course has my head battered, lots of cunning plans and me taking a stand, which has shocked some people, I will cut and run just at the point of chicken, these are battles I can’t win, doesn’t mean I will let the bastards grind me down, I broke technology again (or at least proved it’s still not fit for purpose) I have a cunning plan for tomorrow, hopefully that involves a slight lie in and a much later trip on the plague carrier, although I wouldn’t hold your breath on that one (Album of the day Y&T – Down for the count).

14^th. Trying to go work later, and it’s not exactly working I still go early so not to miss the bus and end up running like a junkyard dog trying to catch the earlier bus, still getting there later than normal, but still way before I’m supposed to, which isn’t helping as my get up and go has well and truly got up and buggered off, lots to do which I should plough through and well………..it’s taking me a lot longer than it normally would, and I’m not enjoying it like I normally would. A supposedly quiet night turned into a farce for the wife and then it was off to bed. (Album of the day House of Lords – Saint of the lost souls).

15^th. Another early morning thankfully caught the bus I went for, work didn’t improve, again plenty of work, just not feeling it, maybe I need some time (and some money) off to recharge my batteries, low profile and just plodding through simple stuff that I should glide through, at least I’m not down in the dumps, or am I? well if I am I have no intention of over thinking anything, just going to go with the flow and see where I land, fingers crossed, no music today, however I did get shouted at by the wife for blinking for long periods tonight……OOOPS!

16^th. The day at work is still dragging, I had a day with an apprentice doing an induction while flitting between various tasks, she definitely thinks I’m a lunatic, no surprise there then. No bait made for a very long day I wasn’t hungry and my stomach is still giving me grief from the other week nothing major but it is noticeable, maybe I should try and see a doctor, oh no we covered that one didn’t we hahaha, I will sue them when I die of something horrific! Another quiet night in with the invalid, spoke to the youngest who got her mid-term marks and she was delighted so that at least cheered me up, we narrowly avoided world war three over a damaged gas card, I’m sure we can resolve it in the morning and honestly there’s no need to shout at anybody, no music again what’s going on with that?

17^th. Thankfully the last working day of the week, and my apathy is bleeding out of me most people avoiding me so maybe that’s not a bad thing, I had a massive strop with head office, some nugget who is way above my pay grade who looked like he was going to win (or so he thought) not only the battle but also the war until fresh evidence came to light regarding an independent contractor, at the end of the conference call I laughed and called him a loser, I was given a small talking too very politely, yes I won but please don’t rub senior board members noses in it, erm ok ……NOT! issues getting home on the plague carrier  thankfully resolved on the next one in line, I have been toying with the idea of going out with my camera tomorrow morning to do some local history shots, let’s not take any money on it though as I’m still feeling a tad funky! Again, no music but I am intending to sit with the wife and keep her company rather than sit in the darkened cave, maybe that’s progress?

18^th. Up early but didn’t go out with the camera, it was damp (I believe there had been one rain drop just after midnight) up early enough to sit and brood over nothing, finally the wife gets up and hobbles (that foot isn’t getting any better) we intended to do a few chores however the eldest turned up with the Hurricane so we lost a few hours there and then the day ground to a halt, the day was lost we will have to transfer the chores to tomorrow (honest) I’m typing this up full of Chinese food and Mexican beer, it’s a great mix, honestly you can trust me on this one, the night is nearly over, I have tried to play some music but nothing stuck at all nothing getting past the first track, so off to lie around like a loppy dog and to cheer the wife up.

19^th. Another day of sloth however a day of watching films, it was actually a good vibe to the day, so what we didn’t do a lot, we enjoyed each other’s company! We didn’t fall out with each other, that has to be a record, off to bed on the final countdown to a week’s holiday, bring it on.

20^th. Still up early even though I’m duty dog, the wife is in poor shape because of her foot, a slow walk to the plague carrier the day wasn’t going well as the journey had a number of halfwits on the bus, I prayed all the way that they didn’t get off at my place of employment, thankfully a great day with virtually no hassle, I didn’t get any of the work I wanted to do, that was the least of my issues, the duty dragged, my get up and go was still missing in action, I got the hell out of dodge as soon as I possibly could, I got the last bus to Hicksville, I didn’t stay up long as I had to go to work tomorrow early! (Album of the day Krokus – Headhunter).

21^st. Old man’s bladder (which I don’t normally suffer from) had me awake long before the alarms went off and even though I was trying to go in as late as possible I was still at work a little after seven, I dragged myself through the day, keeping out of the way of most meetings and just trying to tie up any loose ends so that I could enjoy my coming days off. As soon as the starting pistol was fired I was off through the door as soon as I possibly could, thankfully the plague carrier was virtually empty, no nuggets and then a very quiet night, no electronic devices to hand, a social media profile lower than a snake’s belly was the order of the day and if I could be honest for just a moment I thoroughly enjoyed it! (Album of the day Heath Green and the Makeshifters – Debut).

22^nd. I awoke to it being bright white with the first decent snow fall of the season, a mile down the road and it was just rain, mmmm I wasn’t complaining! Back to work and I still wasn’t firing on all six cylinders, I had a lot to get through, I had to do more than pay lip service, I had to be an adult and behave, thankfully I managed to get through the day without much controversy, well I say that, lets save that that thought for another day and another blog, let’s just say I got away with that particular thought by the skin of my teeth! Another journey home another sleep on the top deck of the plague carrier, I awoke as we were coming to the stage coach drop off point with not a drop of the white stuff in sight, yet another quiet night with the wife (I’m starting to panic here) off up the wooden hill at a sensible time (WTF) and I was soon in the land of nod. (Album of the day ELO – Out of the blue).

23^rd. I started the day in a much more positive state of mind, it didn’t last long, but at least I tried, the day dragged and I didn’t help myself as I was offered and I took it with both hands, a bottle of Lucozade, as a diabetic I might as well just shoot myself in the head, it crippled me, I just wanted to get home, I arrived to an empty house as the wife was getting her foot looked at by professional men, I mean professional! Joy of joys she arrived home with Chinese food, which was superb, but yet another bad move on my part, I headed to bed soon after as I didn’t want to be beaten around the head and shoulders for blinking for long periods of the evening while I was supposed to be watching the TV with the wife, heaven forbid. (Album of the day Coney Hatch – debut).

24^th Up at silly o clock (04.30 am) had a bath, had some breakfast (well some Jaffa cakes) the day wasn’t starting off at the best point, but I struggled on and got the first stage coach and was again at work well before seven , I jumped straight in at the deep end, convinced I could climb the mountain of work and complete it all, it would appear that I was giving off a vibe, people steered clear and the day went quite well, I was only stroppy a little bit, which got worse as the day went on, the pay rise letter came out and I might have just had a small bile attack, well you have to vent your spleen from time to time, I felt better for it, and then we all got on with our lives, and then off to home, nobody but me on the plague carrier (that helped) and now I start to contemplate what I intend to do with my 9 days off and the big money is on me doing fuck all, let’s see if it’s the right bet, I shall be doing my best to endeavour to be a happy soul, I didn’t say that I would succeed, I did say that I would try! (Album of the day Motorhead – BBC the sessions).

25^th. The start of 9 days off and I’m keeping busy trying to sort blog stuff, trying to keep myself busy, the Kraken is having some surgery today, so it looks like I’m home alone for at least the first 24 hours, not off to a great start, anger and bile is the order of the day, whenever the wife gets in touch she keeps asking what’s up? It’s great she can spot when I’m pissed off, now if she could just the spot the signs of me being annoyed by being asked that bloody question! It’s nothing she has done so just drop it, it’s purely me, hating life and just about everything in it, I get like this sometimes, music is the order of the day and lots of it, but the darkness stays with me, into the evening and onto bed, alone in the dark I just lie there and brood, for once it takes me a long time to go to sleep. (Album of the day Big Wreck – Grace Street).

26^th. The clock has moved forward but I’m still up at silly o clock, Anger has risen to the surface like an oil slick its being damn hard to shift, once I got the blog posted my spirits were lifted simply by the numbers, back to more music and attempting to read something musical, the wife finally arrives home and we get on with the day, I’m still prickly but at least she has backed off to a safe distance, my mood levels out, it’s still not fantastic, I wanted to delete this blog and walk away, thankfully common sense prevailed (allegedly) we shall see, I’m not loving anything at the moment, these funks are few and far between thankfully however they roll in like an old London town fog from all those old films, damn hard to shift! The walk up the old wooden hill simply can’t come soon enough. (Album of the day Nightranger – Seven Wishes).

27^th. A slight lie in although I was awake, but no matter how I felt, I needed to give my head a shake as I had “adult” things to sort and I was on a strict time table, the mood was lighter than the previous 48 hours, still not on an even keel, but the bilge pumps were working overtime and hopefully this ship wasn’t sinking at this moment in time, more music and I got to reading some historical stuff and the afternoon got away from and thankfully for once this wasn’t a bad thing, before I knew it was early evening, the day had ran passed me without hitting me on the back of the head, the mood was lighter if only for a little while, the wife came home we ate and then we vegged, tomorrow I intend to venture out of the house for the first (and probably) the last time of the holiday, I don’t know if you have realised I seem to stay in the shadows of the cave, like I’m tethered there serving some kind of prison sentence, for what I have no idea, I wish I cut the cord and get the hell out of dodge, everything is starting to crowd in again bile and bitterness not far from my shoreline, heading back up the hill here’s hoping for a  better tomorrow! (Album of the day Free – Tons of sobs).

28^th. Early to rise, even though I did try and go back to bed, bile was in my head, so I did the next best thing a long deep bath, I felt a much better person for it, after a great soak I then had to get the wife onto her two feet as she has been going through hell with her foot, a quick breakfast, we then had to get going as we had a number of tasks to do out in the big bad world, a number of places to visit out there in the big bad world, in broad daylight as well, we did all the tasks and didn’t fall out with each other, a good day for recharging our batteries, before we return to our normal boring usual selves, I have to go and join a trial for some diabetes treatment, the fact that I have volunteered says a lot for me but that’s the only reason I will be venturing out, the next monthly blog will be slightly different, I’m only going to blog if I have something positive to write about, I ventured off the lit path this time around, too much darkness, and that’s not what  this is all about, people are responding in a positive manner, so that’s a good thing, a few complaints again these are from people who are not regulars, I have been posting on Tumblr and that has been slightly different, but it’s all a learning curve. Tomorrow will be the halfway point of my holiday, I believe I have had far too much sunlight, I think its time for some rain! Thank you for all the (kind) responses keep them coming good or bad I don’t mind I simply won’t publish them………the power of the pen. Keep spreading the disease, normal service should be resumed sooner rather than later. So until then all I can say for now is ………………………Toodles!

Girls

This one I should have titled trouble, because I’m not sure why I’m doing it! It popped into my head one morning and hopefully it’s not going to cause me any problems, as my intention I hope is to be witty (oh lord help me now hahaha).

As the title says it’s about the girls (well about 98% there’s not that many really just the main ones) that have been in my life and all the trouble we may have caused each other, because it was never a one-Way Street, for the sake of privacy I’m only going to use initials of first names and honestly there’s no real dirt to dig here, I’m only having fun!

I have to admit to being (painfully) shy around girls that I like in a romantic kind of way and with the exception of the wife, I have never asked a girl out in my life, although she will tell you she did all the ground work (which is true hahaha) if everybody thinks back from the beginning to the end is there a certain path we tread, I’m not so sure, you guys will have to tell me?

M: my first true love hahaha ok maybe not I was seven and she told me I was now her boyfriend, I think it lasted all of one play date hahaha she moved to Wales.

That was it for a good four years I found I had a distaste for bossy girls and I then developed a reputation for pulling pig tails and the such like if you have read previous blogs it was around this time my parents divorced and I think in reality it was way too early for me to be involved with the female of the species!

D: a classy girl that wanted to go out with me within the first week of senior school, I think it was primarily my long(ish) hair and the fact that I was just a little bit different, I was more interested in music than sport which at the time was pretty odd, we went out for weeks as opposed to months, we went to the local swimming baths with about six million other people on a regular basis! She had a thing for my family as she went out with my brother five years later for about the same length of time.

S: a girl with an older brother like me who liked music, the same as me and we went out a few times over the course of two years sometimes to the pictures mainly chilling listening to her brothers record collection, it was in this relationship that I heard for the first time that often used excuse (well it seemed to be for me) “we are better as friends I can really talk to you” and truth be told yes I think she made the right call as we stayed friends until after we left school, but lost touch as she went off to university, another body who escaped the clutches of Gimpsville and truth be told (I’d like to think at least)  a friend that I still miss to this day in a strictly platonic way. Although I doubt that she felt the same, it was all about a connection at that time, I suppose, that and the fact we were on the same page, or at least I thought we were, I’m not that bright when it comes to the female of the species!

J: we met at the local YMCA disco and she was the first girl I ever went out with who didn’t go to my school which was unheard of  and worse still she was a catholic she was surely damned to the very gates of hell, well she was if she listened to her friends (oh how I miss the good old days) again we went out a for a few months we hung around with the same bunch of people it was never anything serious I don’t think I was mature enough for her, the first girl I went out that the parents liked me, or at least were polite enough to hide their true feelings to my face, mind you I liked them I thought that they were great! again me with my long hair, and oh yes my brother went out with her later, again I think it was the older man that he was hahaha!

A: ah the love of my life (hahaha kids what do they know) my nemesis, in the nicest possible way, a stunningly beautiful girl who actually wanted to go out with me and to be honest it scared the living hell out me, and even at the tender age of thirteen I knew that this girl was going to not only steal my heart but keep it in a lead lined box and bury it out on the moors. She did and it’s still out there somewhere! We seemed suited to each other and we lasted about eight months, longer than my friends and their relationships, and we had mainly good times although she did say she wasn’t happy when I was grumpy or sarcastic (girls are so clued up so much more than boys) having said this, this is the only girl I ever bought a record for (and that means something trust me) and I actually still have a single that I borrowed off her  (in pristine condition if your that interested its Lena Lovich Lucky Number, I borrowed it so I could tape the b side) we sort of drifted for no reason other than I had friends that did different things to her circle of friends, damn I was so independent then……(not)

S: a different one again from another school we met again at the YMCA and again was out there on the perimeter, and we lasted a few weeks over the summer of 1978 we enjoyed the summer holidays down the river, we split for no reason other than distance she lived three miles away at a time when I didn’t have a lot of money or even a telephone it was a different time compared to now, what with mobiles and farcebook and all that goes with it, we started dating again in the run up to Christmas but again as the circle of friends fragmented so did our relationship, but we did stay as friends until she moved off to Cornwall, another person to escape the clutches of Gimpsville!

M: the younger sister of J and we were just wild in a nice way we always fought (nice ways) just full of youth nothing malicious on either side and again great times with great friends we were kids for god’s sake just knocking around the streets or going places that didn’t cost much, again different friends and different circles but it was nice while it lasted.

D: another girl from the YMCA who I dated for a few weeks again we were better friends and we realised it, not a lot in common and if I had been more mature I should have realised there was a darkness in the background that was there for all to see, as she got older she went to dark places not many others dare visit, the last time I heard about her she was in a hospital the types with bars on the windows, maybe I wasn’t as good a friend that I thought I was!

A: and back to the arms of my nemesis, there was a party scene (hahaha that sounds so decadent)  and not everybody went to them, me and a few friends did because we hung out with older kids, and by scene I mean there was cider present and nothing else happening (it was still the seventies) most of the kids I went to school with were so square, me and my best mate  stood out like a sore thumb and boy did we know how to have a good time, that’s as in good clean fun ( I really was a good boy) anyway somebody in our year decided to have a party and we tagged along, although we were welcomed with open arms, just as well really otherwise the place would have been trashed and that’s not really what we were about, A turned up with friends and playfully ignored me and got interested when we chased some kids away who weren’t invited , all the while my best friend was making plans (behind my back) saying I was still interested in her (which I was because she was stunning, simply the best looking girl in the school) the parents of the party house thankfully turned up sooner than anticipated (thankfully for them) and A having been dropped off by her dad and had no way of getting home for two hours so I gallantly offered to walk her to Gimpsville so she could get a bus home, I had enough money to get her home from Gimpsville but that was it, so I walked her to the bus and got a kiss on the cheek for being a gentleman ( I always was, please let my memory be right I would hate to think that I was never a gentleman) it was a night that I still cherish as it made me a happy bunny (go figure) and we went out for about a year, until one day I asked somebody to pass a message to her which wasn’t relayed correctly, and she took a hissy fit big style (again that’s how I remember it, I stand to be corrected) and that was it we were finished and she hated me for it, if I had been more mature I should have found out, but you know what I was fifteen and I didn’t give a rats ass (seems to be a popular theme throughout the blogs hahaha and the one regret that I carry in life regarding any relationship, this didn’t end because it had ran its course, it ended because I was so immature) and that was it, actually I did give a rats ass I just wasn’t mature enough to show it! she never looked at me again her friends hated me anyway and did everything in their power to keep me away, it was at this point I became not a nice person, I was annoyed at the way we had ended not towards her or her friends but with myself, as I thought I was a nice person (did I mention at any point that girls mature quicker than boys) it was around this time I became a dick, probably hormones and the such like, even today I don’t know, but I was never the same after this, in some ways what little confidence I had was crushed and I became an angry young man again my problem, nothing to do with the ladies who had been in my life .

A: (not the same A)by far the longest  of my school relationships and we were a good match although she had went out with a friend I had no idea she liked me, until her friend asked me, to be honest I should have said no there and then, but did I mention I had turned into a dick, she lived across the road from A if I had any brains I would have realised that I was being insensitive (that should read a dick and again I was becoming an even angrier young man and I had no reason why) I left school and joined the army for 5 minutes, I simply wasn’t the same person when I came back and I think I scared her, she said I had a look in my eyes that well, we finished, enough said. Actually, this A was the first girl I ever finished with and I regretted it straight away, but no amount of pleading would resolve the issues, I would love to have put the story right but that wasn’t possible.

M: six weeks of sheer hell mind, I didn’t exactly help, I think the only reason her dad never killed me was he was an ex squaddie, he definitely didn’t like me, let’s just say by this time I had very very long hair, thankfully she took a shine to other people with long hair, although she tried to keep me on a leash, it didn’t work because I was more interested in drink and not wasting money on her. I’m led to believe she was only interested in me because dare I say it I was still a virgin (not for long) and her interest withered soon after, what the hell, at this point I wasn’t interested in life at all anyway.

E: another strange relationship somebody who was so clingy but didn’t want to be seen out in public with me, (was I that bad ….answers on a postcard to didn’tcarethen.com ) thankfully by this time I was moving about a lot, so I was not always in London, a nice girl but strange.

D: an older person than me Ok so only two years older and again a relationship damaged by me and my wild ways(and by wild ways I mean my drinking and the inability to act like an adult), her dad had great sympathy for me as he had served in Korea, and knew straight away what was wrong with me, a lovely man but the relationship was doomed as I had no intention of moving to Manchester and besides she didn’t like music (damn how shallow can I be) I knew it was doomed as I got on better with her parents than I did with her!

And that was it, I went on a few blind dates but I was mainly there to make the numbers up, usually at the behest of my mate’s wives/partners because they knew I was a safe bet and good company (as long as I wasn’t out of my tree) I was the go to guy to make up the numbers, I was the perfect gentleman, I held open car doors, pulled out chairs  and generally made sure that these girls got home safe and sound, that was until one night in August 1984.

AM: My first wife and to be serious for a moment, this should never have happened but this is what happens when you are a raving loon and so is the girls dad, you think that you can match the lunatic for being a bigger lunatic(trust me you can’t) it wasn’t a bad relationship she just spent money she didn’t have (but I did) and she had Daddy issues (Ok he was her stepfather, but in my book he was still sick) if he had ignored the situation it would have been over in six weeks, but he didn’t and he pushed and I pushed back twice as hard, which when I think about was the stupidest thing in the world, I realised this when he beat the crap out of four blokes (yes four)  when they laughed at his new glasses and called him Dennis Taylor, the man was a complete head the ball, when we decided to get married in all honesty it was only to wind him up, unfortunately it just took him to higher levels of lunacy, he threatened to stab any of the family who turned up! Needless to say my friends and family had a great time, again she did stick by me when I had a few more “issues” but by this time I had quit drinking so that was something, or so I thought, my only regret is that I wish she had been as honest as we had said we would be with each other, but in the end you never know what anybody else is thinking, I misjudged her and that was a blow to me again, I was quite happy to move on and live the life of solitude but you learn you move on, I was unhappy when we split, but it wasn’t the end of the world, it wasn’t like when my nemesis cut me out her life,  I was more upset she lied, I don’t like liars. That was it for nearly five years I really did keep out of the way of the opposite sex, I realised that I probably wasn’t boyfriend/husband material, I’m not here to give anybody grief or heartache I regret any heartache I caused in any of the relationships I have mentioned. All I think I have ever wanted out of any of my relationships has been honesty.

The wife: I have to be super careful as she is sat behind me with a bloody big baseball bat.... tee hee! We chatted for a while when we first met and she got me drunk, she gets me (after nearly twenty-five years you would hope so) she likes most of the same things I do, we share a common taste in many things including humour and the such like. She’s bossy, but I knew that when we met and I really don’t have an issue with that, the only problem is the Kraken, but what the hell do I know. We have been through good times and bad times and are likely to go through a fair few more; I wish I could grow organs as quick as she can harvest them! She does have a few annoying habits, but nowhere near as many as me, so I think she wins hands down on that one.

We are very much on the same page for a lot of things and I know I can be a “major” pain but she does have my back and has helped me through a lot of heartache, she knows I mean well (hahaha I hope she does) and all though we do have some hum dingers in the house we do try and present a unified front out there in the world. Are we perfect hell no, but we try and (hopefully) we tell each other the truth that is all that matters, everything else we can work on, but we always need to tell each other the truth, whether it’s in my dress sense (thanks dear) or if I say I have no organs left to sell, hopefully she believes me hahahaha, hopefully we can grow old(er) together and be happy in our very old age!

And that’s the history of me and girls, as I get older I realise the regrets that I had and all of the help that the girls in my life did to help me , even if they didn’t know it at the time, if I was still in therapy my therapist would have a field day with me regarding this particular blog, my intentions were always innocent, well as innocent as a teenage boy could be! they may not have been perceived as such at the time, funnily enough I have only met one of  my previous girlfriends since I left school to chat to and I was oblivious to who she was (my eye sight really is that bad) I could not apologise enough and yes I felt like the worse person in the world! (I still do).

Not spicy enough for you then tough it was meant to be a bit of fun, although some of the prose in the blogs can be a bit dark I don’t want everybody to think that I’m a complete misery (the wife knows that! nobody else needs to) I am trying to mix and match, as an exercise it was good, I really had to think and I missed out a few one off dates because of the “we are better as friends and I can really talk to you” routine, I was always as dumb as a box of frogs when girls fancied me (and I’m told they did) it’s the old Billy Connolly routine complaining I couldn’t get a girl to like me when there was one sticking their tongue in my ear(trust me that never really happened I was just using it to prove my point) and my mates would just laugh at me. I was described as being born too late! Whatever that means or is it just because I was always (and hopefully still am) a gentleman. Well at least I try to be, I hope they think that as well, probably not, as I have looked back in rose tinted glasses, I do hope I wasn’t (that much of) a shit! Well after this little lot maybe not anymore hahaha!

I doubt that this blog should really cause to much of a stir because it’s highly unlikely that any of my ex-girlfriends are stalking me and has being reading my blogs, I don’t think I have put anything slanderous in (and believe me I probably could, mind you they could probably do more about me) the blog has been written in broad strokes, it was nice to remember a more pleasant time without the world on my shoulders, now to close the doors and move on down the road

Until the next time ……………. Toodles!

Keep The Faith

And so it came to pass in the bad old days some fecker told you what to do or what to think those days are long gone! THANK FUCK!

I know some people will think that this part is going to be a long rant about religion well it’s not as far as I’m concerned you can believe whatever you want it’s your life, I have no desire to affect anybody else’s belief’s I have no intention of forcing my way of life on anybody and that includes anybody in my immediate orbit! Do you believe in an individual that’s up to you and good luck with that I hope it works out for you!

Me hell yeah I believe in something! I have absolutely no idea in what, but at times of doubt talking to someone up there helps me so what! I believe it’s what I want to believe not some grey haired old dude on a cloud or a fat (hang on that’s a tad close to me) gadgy or whatever deity there is out, most of my beliefs are Karma driven I’m a believer that if I do something bad something equally bad will actually happen to me (I must have been really bad in a previous life hahaha), superstitious it might be but who cares other than me it’s my belief so fuck you!

I was brought up within a religious family and if you want to know I enjoyed it, I didn’t have any issues, Sunday school got us out of the boring part of the service old farts singing and all the other stuff that goes with it, sitting reading (fab I loved it) books or drawing and colouring (uurgh I could take it or leave it) and sometimes presents of books and the such like it was an informal way of getting religion into somebody’s life and I didn’t have an issue with it, what  I did have an issue (you should have seen this one coming)was when my mother who was deeply religious until the day she died, was cast aside by the church she loved like she was nothing (which in reality she wasn’t) and thats where most of this ranting is going to come from!

If you have got this far you will have my thoughts on various other things including divorce and the such like so this kind of ties in with what I have ranted about before (hahaha) we lived in Gimpsville for my first few years and we went to Christchurch in Gimpsville (still one of my favourite churches) and all that entailed, we went as a family it wasn’t something my mum pushed on us and to be truthful we went because we wanted to, I have no recollection at that stage of me and my brother rebelling against religion why would we were just kids, When we moved out on to the delta and rather than get public transport (even in the golden age of the seventies it was nonexistent on a Sunday morning) we went to a local service by the same vicar in the local school hall, or rather by the curate as the vicar sometimes didn’t give a shit for about fifteen families on the edge of his community (oops sorry bile starting to creep in even at that age I thought that) but again I didn’t have an issue with it, again more reading and the such like.

Then the divorce happened and those men of religion started turning up to offer advice (which at the time was probably more than they would do but damn they were so out of sync with the world view even then) and that was that my mother should stay with a husband who was obviously a dodgy tosser (sorry technical description) now at this moment my mother showed her real steel and basically said she wanted to do her own thing (good for her) it was at  this point she became a pariah and for a little while she was refused communion even at the local service and I can vividly remember her leaving me and my brother at home and for her to go to Christchurch and the main service and she was actually refused entry (you sanctimonious pieces of .....continued at havearant.com) and it was the only time that I ever remember her being truly upset over the divorce we are not talking faceless members of the community we are talking about somebody who was a personnel friend of the vicar and curate, it was at this point me and my brother got rebellious and we didn’t hold back what we thought, the first time I ever voiced an opinion and my mother never told us to behave you reap what you sow I believe is the lesson.

My brother and I continued to go until we were confirmed and for the last few years until that point we were totally rebellious and she had a real struggle on her hands. But in her eyes she had made a promise for us to go until we were indeed confirmed, in fact after I was confirmed they only got one photograph as I was headed out the door and as I went I told the vicar in no uncertain terms never to speak to me again after the treatment of my mother he was fair game as far as I was concerned, that started a period of unrest for my mum, thankfully new people came to the church and they were treated cordially but they knew not to try and be anything other than civil with those boys because we would shred them to bits, there was one curate who upon discovering where I worked he actually said “you look after my pension plan” it was instant hatred from there on in, things in fact came to ahead when the former husband of my sister in law got the full treatment for having his second (and third) marriages blessed at our church, my brother stood and harangued the staff for weeks with the hypocrisy here were people who didn’t even go to church being allowed things that my mother wasn’t allowed and we as two loving sons showed a united front of kicking of big style.

Over the years it got better and indeed staff of later years were a lot more receptive (hahaha that’s because more of their flock got divorced)   but even then they knew not to talk about anything religious around us just keep it simple, thankfully my mum was welcomed back into the fold at the main church and she even took my niece (because she wanted to go with her Nana and that’s not a bad thing in my book) primarily to christingle services and the such like, my mum when she passed was buried from Christchurch and to be honest I didn’t take it all in for fecks sake I was burying my mother but it was exactly what my mum would have wanted, although I haven’t been in the church since I think my days with that church are done.

My kids were not brought up with any particular religious beliefs and if they had wanted to go I would have took them, they both went to a Catholic school so I suppose they knew what they needed to, some of my family are still religiously bigoted as Gimpsville is still to a small degree (thankfully shrinking all the time) bigoted you couldn’t be a tradesman at Consett steel works if you were a catholic you wouldn’t get a job in certain industries according to which church you went to (that’s in all denominations) Pathetic to think that even in this day and age that religion still has a bearing on what you want to do with your life, one of my uncles whenever he met one of my girlfriends would ask “what foot do you kick a ball with?” he soon stopped, and for a while I took pleasure in telling him a girl was catholic even if she wasn’t, sad old twat!

Another glorious thing about religion and it was perpetuated by the actual churches, when my first wife who I married in a registry office although she was a catholic, I did offer to get married in a church for her sake but she didn’t want to force her religion on me(yeah right like she had a say in it!), but when we moved to Gimpsville, religion was reignited in her (was it because of me hahaha was I the devil incarnate I think not) she was refused communion and all that goes with it, because she was not married in the eyes of her church. I came home from work one Sunday to discover her crying I took her straight back to the church to do whatever was necessary to make my wife happy. I had never been in this particular church (why would I, I wasn’t a catholic but I did have a keen interest as my father had been the clerk of works when the church was being built the only protestant on the job) and because I like churches I was having a good old look around, well I forgot that Catholics genuflect so yes you guessed the wife bent her knee and me not looking I went right over the top of her “infidels” you could hear the cries of horror from the congregation hahaha like I gave a care! Nobody would sit next us (must have been the horns) and Father smith was over the moon that I was prepared to bring any children up as Catholics (there was never any intention for children hahaha) but he nearly swallowed his cup when he found out that my local church was indeed Christchurch hahahaha oh that was one fun night and when he said I had to go through lessons he got the message that I didn’t need to  go once I started quoting religious scripture at him chapter and verse (it’s like football you want the same thing and even the strips are the same but you do feel the need to hate each other) I will have to admit that I wasn’t aware that I had so much religion in me, but I got my message across and as for the lessons I never did go.

The blessing was short and sweet like the rest of the marriage and the religious aspect didn’t stop her cheating on me ah bless, she was probably absolved in confession or was that the cunning plan all along, who knows, who cares, be honest, tell the truth and if you have to move on, then move on don’t lie and certainly don’t hurt someone who thinks that you love them as much as they think that they love you! Most of my friends are Catholics I really have no issue with any religion as long as they don’t try and ram it down my throat that stands for Muslims, Buddhists any religious order good luck to you and all who sail with you, but that is your choice not mine so don’t come to me with your ideals and I won’t come anywhere near you with me!

I love churches and for many years I would seek them out wherever I was living for the solace and for me to contemplate whatever was flowing that brain of mine, usually a shit load of turmoil and I was usually (thankfully) left to my own devices thankfully any church will do, any denomination I don’t care it’s the solitude I crave and I don’t do it as much as I used to but I’m more than happy in my life so maybe thats not a bad thing, I’m not against religion as I said at the beginning, what I am against is bigoted people trying to enforce the indocterined beliefs onto somebody who may belief most of what they are preaching they just don’t like the way it’s been force fed to the masses, we are supposed to intelligent people let us make our own decisions without the Spanish inquisition. It’s exactly that thought process that over the years that has killed millions (and still is) because people twist the words of whatever prophet they follow so that it fits their skewed view of the world!

I’m a firm believer in eat drink and be merry and fuck the rest of them! Oops sorry went into rant mode just a little bit, normal service will now be resumed! Until the next time …..Toodles.

Gimpsville

What can I say that’s not short and sweet, I love the place I was born; nowadays I don’t care for the pond life that dwells there!

My Family are all from The Dene a little suburb off to one side of a small village called Medomsley, The Dene is just two streets and for a while it was mainly older tenants, then people started to die and scum where moved into those properties(you know how well local councils are for looking after elderly communities). Medomsley is actually in the doomsday book and back in the day it was a one street village, in the seventies they built a council estate but thankfully put a good mix of people in them. Medomsley is where my family church is weddings funerals that kind of thing, I do like the church but I don’t visit it very often, it never gives me the solace that I crave from a church I’m usually steeped in melancholia after a visit.

The centre of Gimpsville is typical of an old fashioned working town as it was until the early eighties and I lived there until I was about six, we then moved to the out skirts of the town to Delves Lane (originally called devils lane by the predominantly German people who lived there in the late 1800’s (depending on which version you believe) as it’s said it was a road used supposedly by the devil himself and yes it has a crossroads) and I loved it! there again a predominantly older population, but  at the bottom of my street was the open country side and us kids used it to the fullest, hiking to the Gill Caves, Bluebell Wood, up to the Four Lane Ends(the really scary crossroads of the area where the moss troopers used to hide out don’t worry I don’t intend to bore you with too much local history) and beyond, the best years of my life down to the river at Allensford through the summer, good times we would walk for miles have no mobile phones and we didn’t whine about how far we had to go!

There are loads of little suburbs Rowley, Castleside, Moorside, The Grove, Shotley Bridge, Bridgehill, Blackhill, Blackfyne, Leadgate, Pont, Bradley, and if I wanted to push it you could say Iveston and Hurbuck are as well but they are off the beaten track in the wilds!  It used to be a bustling thriving little place where everybody knew everybody or at least somebody in your family did, It was divided by religion badly but again I will cover that in another chapter!

Then the Steel Works closed closely followed by all the Pits and all we were left with was an industrial estate which had a crisp factory which was never on Medomsley Road no matter what the advert said, it was always on Werdohl Way!  It just backs onto Medomsley Road people from Gimpsville get annoyed by the littlest things. At this point, most of the people I knew got the hell out of dodge myself included; the only good thing was there were plenty of pubs, which even as I speak are dwindling away. The point I’m making I suppose is that my wife hates it here (I’m not overly happy to be back I can assure you although we came back at her insistence ….a long story for another blog) and often goes into full on rant mode claiming that its populated by retards and junkies (tend to agree with you there as is the whole bloody country) and it was in this fair town that the wife first came across the phenomena known as The Diagonal People (a bit like the walking dead doing “dressage”) for the first time, those special buck nuts who instead of crossing the roads at the crossings provided they have a tendency to walk across as it says in the description “diagonally” now unfortunately you do indeed see them in every corner of the land as in the past year I have seen them from Glasgow all the way to Manchester and beyond, but the wife holds a special pouch of venom for the ones in my hometown. But the problem that the wife doesn’t seem to see, is that they are everywhere they are just open your eyes! Everywhere  is exactly the same, the same buck nuts, Knuckle draggers etc etc all over this green and pleasant land and it doesn’t matter where we end up they are everywhere and unless the government go on the rampage and make use of the final solution it’s unlikely to change in our lifetime.

Am I nostalgic for the old place in some ways yes! But back in the day it sure as hell was one unhealthy place to live. But then in others (more practical ways we live out in the sticks for fecks sake the stage coaches don’t travel that often) certainly not. and when I do finally win the lottery I will visit only occasionally to visit family graves, and we will be able to drag out scrawny arses out of here!  I get a sneaky feeling we won’t be missed in Gimpsville!

Short and sweet is what I promised and that’s exactly what you got just my little twisted view on my hometown, there are probably still plenty of people who I used to know still kicking around, but to be honest if they are then they have exceptional field craft skills and their camouflage is perfect! I think I have seen about four people that I used to know, and very enjoyable it was too see them, the fact that they remembered me.  Even old friends have stayed away, does that say more about me then them? I’m not the man to answer that but if anybody has a four bedroom detached house in South Shields that they don’t need and would like to “donate” it to my charity I would very appreciative, I can give you the use of a Kraken.... Free to a good home she doesn’t eat much! Until next time Toodles!

Old Habits Die Hard

Loneliness is a word I like, I like the way it rolls of the tongue along with solitude, does that make me strange? Without a shadow of a doubt. I have over the years spent a lot of time in solitude, even within relationships and if I’m honest I have no issues with it. Has it helped me or hindered me over the years probably both, probably the wrong emotion at the wrong time in my life but what the hell do I know?

Some people have said that I can be cold (and that has never been my intention in any relationship/friendship good or bad) at times I can be a little over the top and definitely try too hard to ingratiate myself within the group and other times shyness shines through and I’m the wallflower trying to hide in the undergrowth. A happy medium would be the ideal thing but I’m not sure that I’m actually equipped to be either happy or a medium (hahaha) does it really matter? Sometimes it does, sometimes the wife could use a bit more moral support in life the universe or even indeed anything. I don’t make friends easily, I seem to cause extremes for people who meet me, they either like me or really don’t, I’m not sure that there is an easy middle ground, and when I was younger it was said I had quite a chip on my shoulder, now when I think about it and I wasn’t the easiest person to get on with (along with my million and one other issues) my brother seemed to be the opposite and although similar to me he can make friends quite easily without much purchase and can move between groups of people without any problem (the lucky bastard hahaha) even at this late stage in the day of my life at times I wonder what has caused such a polar shift between people that can and indeed do take a personal dislike, as I get older I find it so much harder to make friends yet in early life I had no issues for making friends, although I do try to analyse it from time to time, I know that it in all honesty it is a waste of my time and effort it would be easier me for me to move on and not to worry about it.

Old habits die hard though and I can also be as insecure at my present age as I was thirty plus years ago some clever people would analyse it and say it’s because I’m from a broken home (bollocks) or that I have struggled through large portions of  my life (again double bollocks) I am who I am and although in the last few years (mainly influenced by work) I have finally started to mature, I have by and large started to drift towards the back of any given groups when I was younger I would be right at the front of anything and everything and damn the consequences, is this what old age is like if it is there’s a lot I don’t like about it, the bug bear is though life doesn’t come with an instruction manual or even with a complaints department, its best just to get on with it, everyone else seems to do it Ok maybe it’s just me being in touch with my feminine side.

I have a continuous dream that’s neither good or bad just varying degrees of weird, I can go weeks without dreaming anything that makes sense, of late I have been dreaming lots on nonsensical dreams which I don’t have a problem with as I do have a recurring dream that I hate and might just talk about in another part of this book depending on how I feel, but the most common dream I have plays like the Woodstock film all split screen and it’s me and the wife as we get a lot older and of the three screens the one I see the least of is of me and the wife enjoying retirement if it was a percentage thing I would say about twenty percent, and it’s not all doom and gloom there is some good stuff in there happiness and stuff  I would hate to think I was a miserable git for more than ninety nine percent of the actual day hahahaha, the other two dreams that run concurrently and depending on how I feel when I go to bed one is of the wife by herself getting on with life and this portion is generally bathed in sunshine and not full of misery and again its weird wacky stuff that bears no relation to anything that is actually going on in real life! The last portion is of me doing exactly the same but there is always a sense of melancholy when it’s purely me, in none of the dreams is there an indication of whether someone has died we are just by ourselves and although people who I know come in and out of all sections of the actual dream, but and here is the guilty secret I enjoy the melancholia part of the dream god knows what a trick cyclist (that’s a psychiatrist) would think they would have a whale of a time.

It seems as always I have wandered from the topic of the blog or have I? sometimes I like to be alone, when I was younger I would go walkabout sometimes for weeks on end, I would just jump on a bus or train and head somewhere where I wasn’t  known and even now when I go away with work I have a tendency to hide in my room, I don’t like to mix outside of my comfort zone, I know some of the courses I go on can be quite intensive long days with work to be done on a night time, but the others seem to find time to mix yet me I hideaway in my room doing what needs to be done. That’s not me being miserable sometimes I don’t have a clue on how to interact with “grown ups” I suppose I had better learn how to do It sooner rather than later!  Until next time Toodles!   

Month Two

1^st A couple of day’s respite from writing this blog, as I wanted to edit the January edition as there was some pretty raw stuff in there, I don’t think that I did so bad, the numbers say it’s not too bad and the compliments from you the discerning readers has been about 99% positive, so I will take that and run with it! It has been a busy day at work, a load of legal papers that I have to steam through for a project that’s been on hold for a while, finally the budget has come through so now its hurry up and come up with the goods, a little heads up would have been handy, loads of salacious gossip around site, I wish I could tell you all about but by the time I was able to be involved the earth had indeed moved on, ah well there will always be next time. Home and finally a night where I didn’t crash and burn in the chair blissfully ignoring the TV, me with my reputation, music thankfully has glided back into my life and a day of head phones as I typed up my report was so damn good, I don’t think that the office would have enjoyed my choices for the day. (Album of the day – Sass Jordan Rats).

2^nd A duty manager shift something that I as always do not look forward to, the team probably don’t either (if I’m working then so are they) I’m not a slave driver, but I expect to see some teamwork with everybody. I had an appointment at the quacks for my first clinic of the year, you could have knocked me down with a feather when they told me I had lost nearly a stone since September and although I had made an effort, the occasional episode of my black dog visiting me didn’t help, happy was not the word, let’s see if I can do the same in the next three months I doubt it, but I will take whatever I can get, my target weight is twelve stone so still a long slow road ahead, but I feel good about it, there surely will be some speed bumps in the road, but I’m hoping that I have the keys to my own success, let’s see shall we? The shift itself went over quite smoothly lots going on which I was quite happy with, however this didn’t help me with some of my tasks as I have a huge mountain of work as always in this month, bring it on, I’m in just the right frame of mind, unfortunately because of the shift there was no chance of any music, if I’m honest it’s the main reason why I hate doing the duty managers shift! But it goes with territory and it was a quiet night a little over 22000 through the doors in the last 4 hours of the shift, I must be doing something right if they keep entrusting me with a property that is worth so much!

3^rd. thankfully Friday was a catch-up day even though I never heard the phone through the night, not to worry I was in early today anyway, so I still resolved the issue anyway, phew big save! The day flew over, as only a Friday can and thankfully I was home before the wife had to go to work, unfortunately that’s where the good will ended, we fell out or rather I chucked the toys out of my pram because she thought she was being witty and I’m afraid I didn’t, so she tried again, she didn’t see the look on my face, sadly she tried one last time (for luck) and finally the penny dropped that I wasn’t happy or indeed laughing, I drew a line under it because I knew she had enough on her plate with her upcoming shift and I simply didn’t want to rain on her parade, I had though, I felt sick to my stomach that I had poured a monsoon on her, she rang ten minutes later and hopefully I made sure she knew that everything was ok between us, between us, but not with me, I spiralled so fast I was shell shocked, I stuck my head in the fridge and simply didn’t come up for air for ages, thankfully I gave my head a damn good shake and came out the other side in a better place, not before I had put the stone that I had lost back on, the wife came back and saw that I was back on an even keel! Then an early night (well for us) thankfully I was better as I don’t like to go bed down, it spoils everything. (Album of the day – Europe War of kings).

4^th. Up early although the wife was flagging, we had an early appointment at the Nuffield for the continuing treatment for her feet, we got there with time to spare and as she disappeared off down the corridor I stared at the cult of the coffee cup with everybody turning up with a coffee cup glued into their hands as though it was some kind of honour, ten years ago nobody drank coffee, now it looks as though we all do (fuck no we don’t), the rest of the day was a slow kind of reflection, mainly going through stuff that had been written for previous blogs I needed to be ready as I needed to post a new blog (I finally used a revised chapter from Piffle Waffle and Balderdash) five years on and it was still relevant, a quick polish and I was happy with it, bringing it bang up to date. The night was a lazy affair with us watching a movie after the wife had caught up with her programmes, thankfully I had music to catch up, mind you I missed a friends band playing locally, if I had known I would have popped out for a couple of pints and to lend some encouragement next time (True story that) a late night before we climbed the wooden hill with the intention of not wasting a day, well at least we tried! (Album of the day King Crimson – Red)

5^th. The intention of getting up early was not to be, anything after five is usually a lie in for me but I was only up 15 minutes before the alarm this morning, I certainly didn’t mind however it sort of set the mood for the rest of the day, a lazy day trawling through Facebook after the posting of the latest blog (which went through the roof as soon as it was posted) reconnecting with an old school friend, we had reconnected a few years previously when I turned up to do a City & Guilds course that he was teaching, I don’t normally send friend requests (Terrified of rejection even now) thankfully he took pity on me and accepted! a light lunch and another Movie, before getting ready as we were getting a visited from some peeps from the South Shields Posse, we got there mega early (even for me) and after a quick pint I was starving so we jumped in and ordered some food (Curry for me and a Steak for the wife) a great evening as always, which was food for the soul, yet again it ended way too soon, but as always we came away with some cunning plans for the future, back home for me to type up the notes for the month so far and then for the wife to catch up on her programmes,(damn she does watch a lot of TV) I will be a good boy and not put my head in the fridge (like I would normally would do after a few pints), I’m heading up the wooden hill (not before checking on the blogs progress, damn I’m such a media whore). Let’s hope the rest of the month can be as good as today has been! (Album of the day Be Bop Deluxe Drastic Plastic).  

6^th. Once more back to the grind , work being the pervading thought for all of the day, heavy duty meetings all day with a few curve balls thrown in for good measure, I certainly wasn’t given time to think never mind breath, it’s what keeps my day time job interesting, I know a lot of people seem think it’s rather mundane, well I just smirk at that suggestion and with armed police now thrown  into the mix on site, there is some fancy foot work to dance with the devil, there’s nothing sinister or anything to worry about, it’s just a part of everyday modern life, a particularly busy day with over 70000 through the doors, not a day we expected, home was welcomed with open arms, suffering in reality as my health issues are biting me in the arse and I have nobody but myself to blame for it, I will not be beaten, I may be bruised but I’m certainly not beaten or bowed, the wooden hill greeted me like an old friend as I surrendered to sleep I knew that today with everything thrown in had been a good day! (Album of the day Black Star Riders – Heavy Fire).

7^th. I suffered because of the amount of fancy footwork I did yesterday, I ached as I came back down the wooden hill, a sensible breakfast but my stomach had the wind in its tail  and I suffered throughout the course of the morning, my lift was unusually quiet on the way, not his usual chuckle fest, the day stayed strange all day, another day of meetings and even more queries although I love being busy it takes its toll on me I go home more tired now than I ever did on the tools, the day bounced along at a fair rate of knots, with nobody in the house I was home alone, this had a recipe of disaster all over it, I decided work was the answer, it wasn’t but it kept the mind from drawing its own conclusions of danger and supposition, I was glad when the wife finally turned up, crisis averted for now! (Album of the day – Japan Quiet Life).

8^th. Wednesday was more of the same with just a little more pace to it, the first 12 weeks of the year are usually the worst work wise, what with prep work for my big report and a couple of audits, but I had a couple of inductions thrown into the mix and the day was off, I must have come across as grumpy (ME?) as I got a couple of reports that I requested in double quick time, a major incident was declared as I was leaving but there were enough people to cover so I slipped back home to yet another evening home alone, it didn’t matter what my state of mind was by this time I was ruined, it took me all my time just to get across the finish line today, thankfully I could have a slight lie in (07.00) as I was at the quacks to go in the room of doom and to be told the bad news (again). (Album of the day – Marillion Clutching at straws).

9^th. It was the wife’s turn to be poorly today so I left her in bed, as I sat twiddling my thumbs waiting to head off, breakfast complete I took a slow amble to the quacks and got there twenty minutes early (sorry I have OCD when it comes to time keeping I should have been a drummer!) I was wound as tight as a clock as I was called into the clinic twelve minutes late, the rest of the appointment spiralled out with some good news and then some really crap news, at the end of the day I’m the responsible adult, it’s me that’s to blame and its only me who can drag my sorry ass back into the race, I then missed the bus I was aiming for, thankfully the wife came to the rescue and was up looking a whole better than she had earlier in the morning, unfortunately the rest of the day was ruined as I sat and stewed about my news and my hand in my own downfall, I need to do better I can do better I damn well will do better! I’m determined to do better, at the end of the day it’s down to me and only me, the major incident from the day before had grumbled on and I had to lend a hand, I would have the day before but I was told not to worry about it, well those birds came home to roost, I simply sent it further up the chain of command (hey that’s what the board get paid for) problem or rather some of the issues resolved within the hour and then several teams from all over the country descending on my place of work to see what can be done to resolve any of the rest of the problems! The end of the day was me twiddling my thumbs as I had lost the plot, I shuffled papers for the rest of the day and legged it as soon as I possibly could, a surreal conversation on the way home (I won’t divulge as its rather hard to explain) a night of reflection at least I wasn’t home alone this time, I actually watched the TV with the wife , well only for an hour or so as it soon developed into pap and I had a blog to get stuck into (LOL) (Album of the day Judas Priest Turbo).

10^th. Today has been a black dog kind of day and no matter what I have tried to do to get out of it, I have not been able to shift it, it ploughed right through my day, it only raised my spirits once I got home and I did all I could to keep a lid on it, no music today it was that dark.

11^th. Up again early for another appointment for the wife’s foot problem, once complete we headed to my place of work as the wife had a hair appointment (that grey is not of my making) while that was happening I went to my desk and sooth the savage beast by doing some work, a lot of shocked  people as I came through the door, I let them crack on with their groove thang and I got on with mine a couple of people tried to engage me, they soon learnt the error of their ways and backed off, I was their working for my benefit and not theirs!

The wife was soon finished and I hobbled away as quick as my bones would allow me to. The rest of day was spent in sloth which perfectly suited my mood, again no music today of note I started off with a dodgy 70’s AOR classic but that’s as far as I got. the day couldn’t end quick enough for me, thankfully not a black dog kind of day, just in a funk hopefully some more sleep would help!

12^th. The wife returned to work and I was left to my own devices, not usually a good thing I did a few minor chores and then drifted off in a melancholic haze might have been due to the choice of music, the drifted in all of the right places, possibly helped by a brief conversation with one of my oldest friends, possibly out of guilt (his not mine) I didn’t care I took what I could for once, I was greedy for me (which does indeed make a change) again I looked forward to sleep simply so that I could get ready for the coming work week. (Album of the day Mike Oldfield Incantations).

13^th. Back on the plague carrier off to work and it didn’t hit the mark, my day was as off as the previous day’s, work did not help at all, I was grumpy to the point people knew to steer clear, I avoided as much contact as possible (which is really hard in my line of work) the day was uneventful, I got home in time to assist the wife bring the shopping into the house and I was amazed at how much sugar (I’m diabetic) was brought into the house including two big bottles of fruit juice which I was so focused on I just wanted to drink them both in one fell swoop, the craving was huge but I was determined not to fold! The night continued with me lusting after something which I can’t have, my mood wasn’t helped, finally to bed. (Album of the day Big Wreck Grace street).

14^th. Valentine’s day and I awoke with my black dog growling at me, I was up early and all I did for the first hour was sat looking at the bottle of juice on the table, a battle of wits that I was losing, suicide by proxy, eat too much drink too much, it seems I could sell my soul just trying to slake my thirst, thankfully my mood lightened as I made my way too work, hungry and confused as to what has been causing this sudden upsurge in my dark moods, work was ok but my get up and go, well it got up and left me alone! A crap bus ride home to the wife in a joyous mood, which didn’t help mine,  then the fuse was lit with us sparring about going out for a meal, something which we had agreed on and decided that we wouldn’t/couldn’t now as usual the rules didn’t apply anymore what the wife wants she gets, the black dog was biting me every which way, I went with the flow, not in the best frame of mind I just wanted to fight, thankfully I didn’t as I had a feeling It would be something that I would regret (as I normally do anger is a horrible emotion) the meal was great and the company lovely she probably sensed I wasn’t in a great place, I’m still not, the juice won and I took a huge swig and regretted it straight away the thirst returned as soon as I did, guilty as charged what a dumbass, it’s not going to win I have to keep telling myself that, neither the diabetes or the black dog! (Album of the day Thunder – Rip it up…….you should it was shite).

15^th. I woke so angry this morning and I had no clue as to what set me off, a dreamless night just full of bile and anger, I set of for the plague carrier crossing my fingers that I wouldn’t let it spill over into the real world, some people at work guessed (yet again) the day was not a user friendly place with me in it, thankfully work soothed the savage breast, not straight away but once the problem solving issues raised their heads, the day took a better turn and by the time I headed home  I was quite happy, until I got home and then I realised I was home alone and the black dog came scampering towards me, I felt guilt for the stroppiness of the last 24 hours and although I ate healthily, that bottle of juice was calling my name like a siren to sailors and it won I was soon crashed upon the rocks of my diabetes as I glugged a large portion and again at once I felt the worse for it, again I gave my head a shake but too late the damage is done, I’m typing this and I’m waiting for the wife to come in and rescue my sanity, I need to sort myself out for tomorrow as I need to be on my best behaviour as we are  on a road trip to see the youngest. (Album of the day - Black Sabbath 13).

16^th I awoke super early feeling like crap and my stomach on fire (the revenge of the bottle of juice I drank me thinks) whatever it was it went through me like a dose of salts, thankfully I was getting a lift to work so I didn’t have to risk a long bus journey, I was only in a half a day as we had plans and I wasn’t going to miss those plans for anything! I rumbled through the meetings for the morning, I was getting worse but I survived and the insistence of a nice person gave me a lift home (which I could not have done on the bus oh no) I insisted on a bath before we headed out of the house, I then promptly fell asleep in said bath, not a good sign I then got ready after a little gentle (thankfully I do mean gentle) prodding and just before we headed out I rushed back up the wooden hill to talk to god on the great white telephone (boy did I hurl) mind you I felt better after it, the wife just eyed me suspiciously, as a precaution we loaded the car up with plastic dishes, paper towels etc. to deal with a sickly boy! We dropped the pooch off at the Krakens, unfortunately we hadn’t gone four miles and I had to get out of the car I simply could not get comfortable, thankfully nurse wifey suggested I get in the back (calm down) and lie down, I was asleep before she sped off up the road to see the youngest, I awoke an hour later to sit bolt upright in the grounds of the university, I felt refreshed but still poorly we then sat through  the daughters play (Much ado about nothing she was Claudio and was fantastic) we then took her home, and  then at the pub with friends (bloody students) we travelled home together as in that I sat in the front like an adult I did feel better though not perfect, musically it was all the crap the wife listened to on the way there me I slept like a log!

17^th A duty managers shift meant that I could sleep in, but I was worse than the day before, I don’t like to ask people at the last minute so I soldiered on like a good trooper, thankfully It turned out to be a quiet shift, only two heart attacks and a birth and numerous incidents including a spider attack, all in all a quiet shift, thankfully members of the team went above and beyond the call of duty simply by making sure that I was ok, the wife picked me and all I wanted to do was go to bed but I did the decent thing and stayed up while she watched some drivel on the tv and I kind of drifted (no difference there then) off up the stairs to sleep only  to be awoken in the early hours of the morning with the first cramp of the year, damn that hurts!

18^th A day to myself as the wife has to go to work, so a day of music to cheer me up as I was in a black dog kind of day, lots of music played but the dog bit and bit hard, the remaining bottle of juice was guzzled as I inflicted damage to my poor body as the overload of sugar hit me like an electric shock, I really didn’t care at this point, however I received a couple of phone calls from Thunderbird One who always cheers me up and then one from my brother kind of put me in a spin in a direction away from my black dog, not totally saved but enough to save the rest of the day, the wife finally turned up and enjoyed the meal  that I had prepared, I wandered off to have a bath to get ready to a friend’s birthday bash, we intended to arrive fashionably late OK about half an hour late but by the time we got there it was rammed full of faces from the past, thankfully even some people who I knew! I was still suffering and when I had my one and only pint my stomach just burned like I had a devil inside of me (hmmm that seems familiar) I stuck to coke for the rest of the night, we bumped into Mr All (as in Allbandspromo a great company that is starting to thrive, look the guy up on Facebook and throw some business his way the quality of the work is superb) who I go a long way back with and a thoroughly nice guy thankfully he stood with us and conversed as the wife as ever was a social butterfly, it was lovely to see so many nice people in one room, my stomach wasn’t playing ball, neither was somebody else because the stench that was emanating in the room was like death and a bunch of his pals had turned up, jeez and I thought I was bad, we had a good time but it was soon time to go and we sat in silence for a while on the way home that was until an arsehole in a big car tried to run us off the road (GRRRRRRR) thankfully we got home with no further issue, oh except that the local Chinese was shut because of a power failure, so I sat in my chair grumpy with a bad stomach (just as well as the food would have made it far worse) I sat in the living room festering away, my stomach and the cramp making me a misery, I started to hate myself, I was such a buffoon that I even avoided taking my medication, why? Simply because I could, nope that should read because I was a muppet, thankfully we went to bed before I started to obsess, sleep helps me in so many ways (Album of the day Thin Lizzy Black Rose extended version ooooooh yeah!).

19^th A day of sloth, well not really we did a few things then the wife went off to work, I pottered on doing some reading for work (don’t tell the wife) and tried to resolve the battery issues that are bothering the lap top (new battery I reckon) my stomach has dragged on, niggly more than anything else, just before the wife rang to say that she was on her way home, I realised I hadn’t got the meat out for the dinner (D’oh rookie mistake) so I treated the wife to a meal out, ok so it was at spoons but hey ho cheap and filling (and actually bloody lovely) and if anyone is interested I didn’t slop once! (Album of the day – Dan Baird, So Low)

20^th Back to work with a smile (maybe not, the gut is still rumbling a way, I’m wondering if anybody has a voodoo doll ass that’s what it feels like a dull ache just enough to be annoying make me feel sick to the pit of my stomach, half term as well so I know the inspections this week will be challenging simply because people will not have their eye on the ball, as always a few spinning plates and my guts aren’t helping (me grumpy never!), once home I’m amazed that the wife (and I wonder why she won’t let me go shopping?) has arrived home with yet another pack of 30 cans of coke and a six pack of lemonade, me being a manic depressive diabetic, that’s going to end well, oh and another blanket for the settee (WTF! to go with the other 4000) “we couldn’t buy too much shopping everything is so expensive” then stop buying shite then, ooops inside voice dear boy! (Album of the day – Hellanbach The Mighty H).

21^st. Another day another dollar and for once things are ok, well work is work some people are just incredibly stupid and I often wonder if they actually have a care worker who ties their shoelaces (if that is the case can I have one …..please) the day dragged simply because I was going to be home alone tonight, thankfully I made sure I had plenty to keep me occupied, the night flew over and I was soon heading up the wooden hill as I was an early next shift, I was soon wandering around the bedroom long before I had to be with the wife waving at some unseen fly trying to unhitch her headphones while still asleep, it would have been funny if it hadn’t been so bloody early, thankfully I was able to climb back into my pit and return to the land  of nod. (Album of the day Van Halen – Live in Ipswich 1978 not an album but a great bootleg from their first tour of Europe supporting Slack Haddock)

22^nd.Finally I got up at the right time but was suffering with my stomach and the day was blighted by my attitude towards the world, when I’m not a well puppy (I’m very rarely sick but I’m a shit patient ) thankfully with being on an early I was able to escape early and once home I was able to cook the dinner I had promised on Sunday (it was lush)trying to find some music to play while the wife watches the Brits!  I bounced from ZZ Top to Mike Oldfield and onto a horrific car crash of a Dave Lee Roth bootleg, car crash music! Off to bed soon hopefully a good night’s kip might turn me into a better person for the morning!

23^rd. Yet again I was wrong my mood wasn’t improved, dealing with dumb asses for most of the day was tiring and didn’t lift my spirits at all, I was glad to be home when I got there, however not for long, I did my trick after my evening meal (I blinked for long periods of time) and the wife used that well known method of poking a bear with a sharp stick (I understand that she gets frustrated about my sleeping habits but not as much as I do and shouting at me is not going to help matters I can assure you) so I sat like a bear for the rest of the night, I wasn’t a happy camper , I was glad when the pit called out my name, sleep was welcomed. (Album of the day Def Leppard – High n Dry).

24^th. Thankfully the anger from the previous night had dispersed in the morning, but so had my get up and go, I dragged myself through the day, although I did have a productive day with my new boss (from head office) thankfully the day got shorter after that, I was looking forward to going home as the Hurricane was coming to stay, a bright spot in another wise dull day, he came he saw he conquered our hearts all over again, thankfully he lifted our spirits, only for them to be dashed later as we found our niece had been taken to hospital and kept in, life really does want to kick us in the slats at the moment (we are not a massive family, so I would like to keep the ones that we have for just a while longer) the night was spoiled after that and I drifted from room to room, I even watched some TV without any blinking. (Album of the day Trixter – Hear).

25^th. Thankfully the hurricane slept and we weren’t up at the crack of dawn I still had an attack of cramp  Justas I woke up thankfully it didn’t last as long as it normally did, but the hurricane was engaging and so we built him his foosball set up, and generally enjoyed his time with us, he was soon on his way home and the wife was off to work for the afternoon, I was left twiddling my thumbs, well ok watching football (in the back ground) while I tried to do some non-work related reading! The wife turned up with some Chinese food (finally thankfully no power cut this time around) which was bloody lovely and hit the nail right on the head, thankfully we finally had some good news relating to my niece (who was allowed home) the wife settled down to watch her programmes so I buggered off to Netflix and enjoyed the Rush documentary, then a couple of episodes of Top of the pops from 1983 (WTF) at x30 on Sky (trust me the only way to watch them) and then once more up the wooden hill as sleepy time beckoned, thankfully going to bed with positive thoughts and loads of cunning plans as I have to get sorted to post this here blog in the morning. (Album of the day Rush – Grace under pressure).

26^th. A small lie in, breakfast and few minutes cursing Farcebook as it won’t let me post my album of the day (don’t worry I’m sneaky I found a way around it) then some shocks and surprises as Farcebook threw my a couple of curveballs of people who I might know, one a gentleman whose daughter (no names no pack drill) I dated back at school and it was great to see him still active as he was always a gentleman to me and great to see that he is still active politically (he pointed me in the right direction as a young man with some insightful thoughts at the right time) now I’m not going to send a friend request, to be honest he probably wouldn’t remember me, but to a young boy (I was 15/16 at the time) with no male in the family to direct me I took his advice and ran with it, still do actually and that has made me just a little happier, there were a few other blasts from the past, and yes they also brought a smile to my face, damn when did I turn into this nostalgic individual? Anyways enough with the blasts from the past, onwards they forgot me for a reason I need to finish and prep this blog, I hope you are still enjoying the format? And so off I go to rest (from the blog) for a few days and to panic over the numbers, until the next time ……………Toodles!

Memory Pain

Don’t panic this is not intended to be a down and the dumps doom and gloom type of thing i wll save that for the long blog (LOL), but as I get older I realise that I have over the years put my body through some pretty brutal treatment, as have some of the members of my immediate family including one attempt on my life (by the wife).

I have broke just one or two bones(hahaha not) in my life and when it’s been just a little thing I haven’t always gone and got it fixed, including fractured skull damage to my collar bone and a broken metatarsal in my right foot, typical bloke sometimes and sometimes a tad drunk and thought I had done something silly while drunk (no me never) so consequently as I got older pain pops up on a more regular basis.

The first damage I remember is a fractured wrist when I was about four I fell over a toy nothing serious but back in the sixties a huge plaster and arm in a sling for a decade (who me exaggerate how dare you imply anything of the such!) I broke a couple ribs later on running into a goal post playing for the boys brigade trying to stop a goal (I didn’t), but it wasn’t until I was ten and I really went for it big style, there was a tree in a friends garden which was a brute (it’s still there and measures all of  twenty nine feet thirty three years later on, I was determined to climb it so on the last day of the school term we were playing around as kids do, when I was dared to try and climb it, I was nearly at the top when I fell and landed with both feet planted firmly on mother earth to a resounding crack! A trip to Shotley Bridge hospital and six weeks in plaster over a summer holiday, my mother wasn’t happy compound fractures in both legs not major but casts definitely required, Mr. Hatton said I couldn’t play in his garden again (nowadays we would sue) Mr. Wilkinson the plaster man at the hospital came to our house on the Sunday to remove the casts so I wouldn’t miss any school, his exact words were as he left the house “and I don’t expect to see you in the near future” (you can see where this going can’t you) I had my Sunday dinner and was allowed to spend the last day of a great summer holiday (that I had stayed in bed for all six weeks) to go and see friends I jumped on my little Raleigh Tomahawk and scooted around to see a friend who lived close to that tree and we laughed and had fun but I could see the tree taunting me in the distance and my friend Mark didn’t help matters so we sneaked down to the back of the garden and although we could see the family in the house, I wasn’t going to let the tree beat me and up I went like the little monkey I was at that age, I was just at the top of the tree when I heard for the first time an adult swear all I heard was “what the f***” to which I turned lost my balance and tumbled out of the tree like an apple in an orchard and did exactly the same thing I landed on my feet and heard that familiar crack, and before you wonder yes I was flavour of the month with everybody but at least I only missed four weeks school hahaha!

Back to football injuries ribs mainly, a fractured skull that would haunt me for years much to the enjoyment of my brother after I fell down some stone steps at school, a fractured bone in hand which made me miss all my mock exams at school having said that I actually write right handed and it was my left hand that was damaged, oops do you think I should have mentioned it or should they have payed closer attention hahaha! An injury in my last year at school which I didn’t say anything in which I can flex the rotator cuff muscle in my shoulder which plagues me to this day, if I move the right shoulder too quickly it goes pop and I go down like I have been shot (I have to admit to not liking that one little bit) it was a fun party trick when I was young (and dumb) but now not even for a million pound.

I was thrown out of a helicopter in the army with my gear following me and my rifle wouldn’t have been so bad if only I had fastened my helmet strap (oops) that hurt but I didn’t have time to let the little birds disappear from in front of my eyes before I had to bugger off in that direction (left right left right you horrible little man). Back to sports related injuries (more ribs) and a possible fractured cheek, hit in the face with a squash racquet, I had a lump under my eye for months, I tell you this keeping fit malarkey isn’t good for you! Getting slashed by a Stanley knife at work which was an accident (not) allegedly the only person who didn’t believe it was the person who got slashed (that would be me then) six stitches later and I was back at work, a good thing not to do at work is too stand up in the back of a moving pick up in a multi story car park, those steel girders hurt, I thought I was in hell when I woke up in hospital to find my recently divorced wife standing over asking me why I was so bloody stupid (erm I’m a bloke) not a great move, numerous running injuries after too many  half marathons and one London marathon where I thought I was running it with all my ribs broken!

Then there was the assassination attempt, we were moving house and we had left a small load in the house a tool box, a dog bed and some small boxes just enough to fit in our car we were nearly finished when the wife asked me to get the dog bed and I said I would if she would put my black toolbox in the car me (the colour is really important) I headed back into the house as it was starting to get dark and we had a way to go, unbeknown to me the wife was hailed by a neighbour who had come to say goodbye (so she claims) as I came back through the house carrying the dog bed I didn’t see  the black tool box in the dark in the middle of the hall way until I did a triple somersault in the hallway hitting the front door frame with some force upside down screaming like a banshee saying my favourite swear word over and over again, to this day my wife claims she never heard me ask her to move the toolbox and she protests her innocence loudly, me I’m not so sure I will have to keep an eye on her.

The result of all this well as the title says it’s pain I suffer with varying degrees virtually every day nothing to the degree that the wife suffers with her back, but I can usually tell you when it’s going to be particularly damp or when ice and snow is on its way, and if I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have done all the bloody sport I did over the years and I would have stuck two bloody fingers up to that bloody tree in Mr. Hatton’s back garden he still hates me all these years down the line ha I wonder if I could still sue him for not protecting me as they say where there’s blame there’s a claim!

That's it for now and I know I have reverted for the name game for this one but I couldn't help it as I was plying the artist yesterday! so until next week and the appearance of the long blog Toodles!