Month Two

1^st A couple of day’s respite from writing this blog, as I wanted to edit the January edition as there was some pretty raw stuff in there, I don’t think that I did so bad, the numbers say it’s not too bad and the compliments from you the discerning readers has been about 99% positive, so I will take that and run with it! It has been a busy day at work, a load of legal papers that I have to steam through for a project that’s been on hold for a while, finally the budget has come through so now its hurry up and come up with the goods, a little heads up would have been handy, loads of salacious gossip around site, I wish I could tell you all about but by the time I was able to be involved the earth had indeed moved on, ah well there will always be next time. Home and finally a night where I didn’t crash and burn in the chair blissfully ignoring the TV, me with my reputation, music thankfully has glided back into my life and a day of head phones as I typed up my report was so damn good, I don’t think that the office would have enjoyed my choices for the day. (Album of the day – Sass Jordan Rats).

2^nd A duty manager shift something that I as always do not look forward to, the team probably don’t either (if I’m working then so are they) I’m not a slave driver, but I expect to see some teamwork with everybody. I had an appointment at the quacks for my first clinic of the year, you could have knocked me down with a feather when they told me I had lost nearly a stone since September and although I had made an effort, the occasional episode of my black dog visiting me didn’t help, happy was not the word, let’s see if I can do the same in the next three months I doubt it, but I will take whatever I can get, my target weight is twelve stone so still a long slow road ahead, but I feel good about it, there surely will be some speed bumps in the road, but I’m hoping that I have the keys to my own success, let’s see shall we? The shift itself went over quite smoothly lots going on which I was quite happy with, however this didn’t help me with some of my tasks as I have a huge mountain of work as always in this month, bring it on, I’m in just the right frame of mind, unfortunately because of the shift there was no chance of any music, if I’m honest it’s the main reason why I hate doing the duty managers shift! But it goes with territory and it was a quiet night a little over 22000 through the doors in the last 4 hours of the shift, I must be doing something right if they keep entrusting me with a property that is worth so much!

3^rd. thankfully Friday was a catch-up day even though I never heard the phone through the night, not to worry I was in early today anyway, so I still resolved the issue anyway, phew big save! The day flew over, as only a Friday can and thankfully I was home before the wife had to go to work, unfortunately that’s where the good will ended, we fell out or rather I chucked the toys out of my pram because she thought she was being witty and I’m afraid I didn’t, so she tried again, she didn’t see the look on my face, sadly she tried one last time (for luck) and finally the penny dropped that I wasn’t happy or indeed laughing, I drew a line under it because I knew she had enough on her plate with her upcoming shift and I simply didn’t want to rain on her parade, I had though, I felt sick to my stomach that I had poured a monsoon on her, she rang ten minutes later and hopefully I made sure she knew that everything was ok between us, between us, but not with me, I spiralled so fast I was shell shocked, I stuck my head in the fridge and simply didn’t come up for air for ages, thankfully I gave my head a damn good shake and came out the other side in a better place, not before I had put the stone that I had lost back on, the wife came back and saw that I was back on an even keel! Then an early night (well for us) thankfully I was better as I don’t like to go bed down, it spoils everything. (Album of the day – Europe War of kings).

4^th. Up early although the wife was flagging, we had an early appointment at the Nuffield for the continuing treatment for her feet, we got there with time to spare and as she disappeared off down the corridor I stared at the cult of the coffee cup with everybody turning up with a coffee cup glued into their hands as though it was some kind of honour, ten years ago nobody drank coffee, now it looks as though we all do (fuck no we don’t), the rest of the day was a slow kind of reflection, mainly going through stuff that had been written for previous blogs I needed to be ready as I needed to post a new blog (I finally used a revised chapter from Piffle Waffle and Balderdash) five years on and it was still relevant, a quick polish and I was happy with it, bringing it bang up to date. The night was a lazy affair with us watching a movie after the wife had caught up with her programmes, thankfully I had music to catch up, mind you I missed a friends band playing locally, if I had known I would have popped out for a couple of pints and to lend some encouragement next time (True story that) a late night before we climbed the wooden hill with the intention of not wasting a day, well at least we tried! (Album of the day King Crimson – Red)

5^th. The intention of getting up early was not to be, anything after five is usually a lie in for me but I was only up 15 minutes before the alarm this morning, I certainly didn’t mind however it sort of set the mood for the rest of the day, a lazy day trawling through Facebook after the posting of the latest blog (which went through the roof as soon as it was posted) reconnecting with an old school friend, we had reconnected a few years previously when I turned up to do a City & Guilds course that he was teaching, I don’t normally send friend requests (Terrified of rejection even now) thankfully he took pity on me and accepted! a light lunch and another Movie, before getting ready as we were getting a visited from some peeps from the South Shields Posse, we got there mega early (even for me) and after a quick pint I was starving so we jumped in and ordered some food (Curry for me and a Steak for the wife) a great evening as always, which was food for the soul, yet again it ended way too soon, but as always we came away with some cunning plans for the future, back home for me to type up the notes for the month so far and then for the wife to catch up on her programmes,(damn she does watch a lot of TV) I will be a good boy and not put my head in the fridge (like I would normally would do after a few pints), I’m heading up the wooden hill (not before checking on the blogs progress, damn I’m such a media whore). Let’s hope the rest of the month can be as good as today has been! (Album of the day Be Bop Deluxe Drastic Plastic).  

6^th. Once more back to the grind , work being the pervading thought for all of the day, heavy duty meetings all day with a few curve balls thrown in for good measure, I certainly wasn’t given time to think never mind breath, it’s what keeps my day time job interesting, I know a lot of people seem think it’s rather mundane, well I just smirk at that suggestion and with armed police now thrown  into the mix on site, there is some fancy foot work to dance with the devil, there’s nothing sinister or anything to worry about, it’s just a part of everyday modern life, a particularly busy day with over 70000 through the doors, not a day we expected, home was welcomed with open arms, suffering in reality as my health issues are biting me in the arse and I have nobody but myself to blame for it, I will not be beaten, I may be bruised but I’m certainly not beaten or bowed, the wooden hill greeted me like an old friend as I surrendered to sleep I knew that today with everything thrown in had been a good day! (Album of the day Black Star Riders – Heavy Fire).

7^th. I suffered because of the amount of fancy footwork I did yesterday, I ached as I came back down the wooden hill, a sensible breakfast but my stomach had the wind in its tail  and I suffered throughout the course of the morning, my lift was unusually quiet on the way, not his usual chuckle fest, the day stayed strange all day, another day of meetings and even more queries although I love being busy it takes its toll on me I go home more tired now than I ever did on the tools, the day bounced along at a fair rate of knots, with nobody in the house I was home alone, this had a recipe of disaster all over it, I decided work was the answer, it wasn’t but it kept the mind from drawing its own conclusions of danger and supposition, I was glad when the wife finally turned up, crisis averted for now! (Album of the day – Japan Quiet Life).

8^th. Wednesday was more of the same with just a little more pace to it, the first 12 weeks of the year are usually the worst work wise, what with prep work for my big report and a couple of audits, but I had a couple of inductions thrown into the mix and the day was off, I must have come across as grumpy (ME?) as I got a couple of reports that I requested in double quick time, a major incident was declared as I was leaving but there were enough people to cover so I slipped back home to yet another evening home alone, it didn’t matter what my state of mind was by this time I was ruined, it took me all my time just to get across the finish line today, thankfully I could have a slight lie in (07.00) as I was at the quacks to go in the room of doom and to be told the bad news (again). (Album of the day – Marillion Clutching at straws).

9^th. It was the wife’s turn to be poorly today so I left her in bed, as I sat twiddling my thumbs waiting to head off, breakfast complete I took a slow amble to the quacks and got there twenty minutes early (sorry I have OCD when it comes to time keeping I should have been a drummer!) I was wound as tight as a clock as I was called into the clinic twelve minutes late, the rest of the appointment spiralled out with some good news and then some really crap news, at the end of the day I’m the responsible adult, it’s me that’s to blame and its only me who can drag my sorry ass back into the race, I then missed the bus I was aiming for, thankfully the wife came to the rescue and was up looking a whole better than she had earlier in the morning, unfortunately the rest of the day was ruined as I sat and stewed about my news and my hand in my own downfall, I need to do better I can do better I damn well will do better! I’m determined to do better, at the end of the day it’s down to me and only me, the major incident from the day before had grumbled on and I had to lend a hand, I would have the day before but I was told not to worry about it, well those birds came home to roost, I simply sent it further up the chain of command (hey that’s what the board get paid for) problem or rather some of the issues resolved within the hour and then several teams from all over the country descending on my place of work to see what can be done to resolve any of the rest of the problems! The end of the day was me twiddling my thumbs as I had lost the plot, I shuffled papers for the rest of the day and legged it as soon as I possibly could, a surreal conversation on the way home (I won’t divulge as its rather hard to explain) a night of reflection at least I wasn’t home alone this time, I actually watched the TV with the wife , well only for an hour or so as it soon developed into pap and I had a blog to get stuck into (LOL) (Album of the day Judas Priest Turbo).

10^th. Today has been a black dog kind of day and no matter what I have tried to do to get out of it, I have not been able to shift it, it ploughed right through my day, it only raised my spirits once I got home and I did all I could to keep a lid on it, no music today it was that dark.

11^th. Up again early for another appointment for the wife’s foot problem, once complete we headed to my place of work as the wife had a hair appointment (that grey is not of my making) while that was happening I went to my desk and sooth the savage beast by doing some work, a lot of shocked  people as I came through the door, I let them crack on with their groove thang and I got on with mine a couple of people tried to engage me, they soon learnt the error of their ways and backed off, I was their working for my benefit and not theirs!

The wife was soon finished and I hobbled away as quick as my bones would allow me to. The rest of day was spent in sloth which perfectly suited my mood, again no music today of note I started off with a dodgy 70’s AOR classic but that’s as far as I got. the day couldn’t end quick enough for me, thankfully not a black dog kind of day, just in a funk hopefully some more sleep would help!

12^th. The wife returned to work and I was left to my own devices, not usually a good thing I did a few minor chores and then drifted off in a melancholic haze might have been due to the choice of music, the drifted in all of the right places, possibly helped by a brief conversation with one of my oldest friends, possibly out of guilt (his not mine) I didn’t care I took what I could for once, I was greedy for me (which does indeed make a change) again I looked forward to sleep simply so that I could get ready for the coming work week. (Album of the day Mike Oldfield Incantations).

13^th. Back on the plague carrier off to work and it didn’t hit the mark, my day was as off as the previous day’s, work did not help at all, I was grumpy to the point people knew to steer clear, I avoided as much contact as possible (which is really hard in my line of work) the day was uneventful, I got home in time to assist the wife bring the shopping into the house and I was amazed at how much sugar (I’m diabetic) was brought into the house including two big bottles of fruit juice which I was so focused on I just wanted to drink them both in one fell swoop, the craving was huge but I was determined not to fold! The night continued with me lusting after something which I can’t have, my mood wasn’t helped, finally to bed. (Album of the day Big Wreck Grace street).

14^th. Valentine’s day and I awoke with my black dog growling at me, I was up early and all I did for the first hour was sat looking at the bottle of juice on the table, a battle of wits that I was losing, suicide by proxy, eat too much drink too much, it seems I could sell my soul just trying to slake my thirst, thankfully my mood lightened as I made my way too work, hungry and confused as to what has been causing this sudden upsurge in my dark moods, work was ok but my get up and go, well it got up and left me alone! A crap bus ride home to the wife in a joyous mood, which didn’t help mine,  then the fuse was lit with us sparring about going out for a meal, something which we had agreed on and decided that we wouldn’t/couldn’t now as usual the rules didn’t apply anymore what the wife wants she gets, the black dog was biting me every which way, I went with the flow, not in the best frame of mind I just wanted to fight, thankfully I didn’t as I had a feeling It would be something that I would regret (as I normally do anger is a horrible emotion) the meal was great and the company lovely she probably sensed I wasn’t in a great place, I’m still not, the juice won and I took a huge swig and regretted it straight away the thirst returned as soon as I did, guilty as charged what a dumbass, it’s not going to win I have to keep telling myself that, neither the diabetes or the black dog! (Album of the day Thunder – Rip it up…….you should it was shite).

15^th. I woke so angry this morning and I had no clue as to what set me off, a dreamless night just full of bile and anger, I set of for the plague carrier crossing my fingers that I wouldn’t let it spill over into the real world, some people at work guessed (yet again) the day was not a user friendly place with me in it, thankfully work soothed the savage breast, not straight away but once the problem solving issues raised their heads, the day took a better turn and by the time I headed home  I was quite happy, until I got home and then I realised I was home alone and the black dog came scampering towards me, I felt guilt for the stroppiness of the last 24 hours and although I ate healthily, that bottle of juice was calling my name like a siren to sailors and it won I was soon crashed upon the rocks of my diabetes as I glugged a large portion and again at once I felt the worse for it, again I gave my head a shake but too late the damage is done, I’m typing this and I’m waiting for the wife to come in and rescue my sanity, I need to sort myself out for tomorrow as I need to be on my best behaviour as we are  on a road trip to see the youngest. (Album of the day - Black Sabbath 13).

16^th I awoke super early feeling like crap and my stomach on fire (the revenge of the bottle of juice I drank me thinks) whatever it was it went through me like a dose of salts, thankfully I was getting a lift to work so I didn’t have to risk a long bus journey, I was only in a half a day as we had plans and I wasn’t going to miss those plans for anything! I rumbled through the meetings for the morning, I was getting worse but I survived and the insistence of a nice person gave me a lift home (which I could not have done on the bus oh no) I insisted on a bath before we headed out of the house, I then promptly fell asleep in said bath, not a good sign I then got ready after a little gentle (thankfully I do mean gentle) prodding and just before we headed out I rushed back up the wooden hill to talk to god on the great white telephone (boy did I hurl) mind you I felt better after it, the wife just eyed me suspiciously, as a precaution we loaded the car up with plastic dishes, paper towels etc. to deal with a sickly boy! We dropped the pooch off at the Krakens, unfortunately we hadn’t gone four miles and I had to get out of the car I simply could not get comfortable, thankfully nurse wifey suggested I get in the back (calm down) and lie down, I was asleep before she sped off up the road to see the youngest, I awoke an hour later to sit bolt upright in the grounds of the university, I felt refreshed but still poorly we then sat through  the daughters play (Much ado about nothing she was Claudio and was fantastic) we then took her home, and  then at the pub with friends (bloody students) we travelled home together as in that I sat in the front like an adult I did feel better though not perfect, musically it was all the crap the wife listened to on the way there me I slept like a log!

17^th A duty managers shift meant that I could sleep in, but I was worse than the day before, I don’t like to ask people at the last minute so I soldiered on like a good trooper, thankfully It turned out to be a quiet shift, only two heart attacks and a birth and numerous incidents including a spider attack, all in all a quiet shift, thankfully members of the team went above and beyond the call of duty simply by making sure that I was ok, the wife picked me and all I wanted to do was go to bed but I did the decent thing and stayed up while she watched some drivel on the tv and I kind of drifted (no difference there then) off up the stairs to sleep only  to be awoken in the early hours of the morning with the first cramp of the year, damn that hurts!

18^th A day to myself as the wife has to go to work, so a day of music to cheer me up as I was in a black dog kind of day, lots of music played but the dog bit and bit hard, the remaining bottle of juice was guzzled as I inflicted damage to my poor body as the overload of sugar hit me like an electric shock, I really didn’t care at this point, however I received a couple of phone calls from Thunderbird One who always cheers me up and then one from my brother kind of put me in a spin in a direction away from my black dog, not totally saved but enough to save the rest of the day, the wife finally turned up and enjoyed the meal  that I had prepared, I wandered off to have a bath to get ready to a friend’s birthday bash, we intended to arrive fashionably late OK about half an hour late but by the time we got there it was rammed full of faces from the past, thankfully even some people who I knew! I was still suffering and when I had my one and only pint my stomach just burned like I had a devil inside of me (hmmm that seems familiar) I stuck to coke for the rest of the night, we bumped into Mr All (as in Allbandspromo a great company that is starting to thrive, look the guy up on Facebook and throw some business his way the quality of the work is superb) who I go a long way back with and a thoroughly nice guy thankfully he stood with us and conversed as the wife as ever was a social butterfly, it was lovely to see so many nice people in one room, my stomach wasn’t playing ball, neither was somebody else because the stench that was emanating in the room was like death and a bunch of his pals had turned up, jeez and I thought I was bad, we had a good time but it was soon time to go and we sat in silence for a while on the way home that was until an arsehole in a big car tried to run us off the road (GRRRRRRR) thankfully we got home with no further issue, oh except that the local Chinese was shut because of a power failure, so I sat in my chair grumpy with a bad stomach (just as well as the food would have made it far worse) I sat in the living room festering away, my stomach and the cramp making me a misery, I started to hate myself, I was such a buffoon that I even avoided taking my medication, why? Simply because I could, nope that should read because I was a muppet, thankfully we went to bed before I started to obsess, sleep helps me in so many ways (Album of the day Thin Lizzy Black Rose extended version ooooooh yeah!).

19^th A day of sloth, well not really we did a few things then the wife went off to work, I pottered on doing some reading for work (don’t tell the wife) and tried to resolve the battery issues that are bothering the lap top (new battery I reckon) my stomach has dragged on, niggly more than anything else, just before the wife rang to say that she was on her way home, I realised I hadn’t got the meat out for the dinner (D’oh rookie mistake) so I treated the wife to a meal out, ok so it was at spoons but hey ho cheap and filling (and actually bloody lovely) and if anyone is interested I didn’t slop once! (Album of the day – Dan Baird, So Low)

20^th Back to work with a smile (maybe not, the gut is still rumbling a way, I’m wondering if anybody has a voodoo doll ass that’s what it feels like a dull ache just enough to be annoying make me feel sick to the pit of my stomach, half term as well so I know the inspections this week will be challenging simply because people will not have their eye on the ball, as always a few spinning plates and my guts aren’t helping (me grumpy never!), once home I’m amazed that the wife (and I wonder why she won’t let me go shopping?) has arrived home with yet another pack of 30 cans of coke and a six pack of lemonade, me being a manic depressive diabetic, that’s going to end well, oh and another blanket for the settee (WTF! to go with the other 4000) “we couldn’t buy too much shopping everything is so expensive” then stop buying shite then, ooops inside voice dear boy! (Album of the day – Hellanbach The Mighty H).

21^st. Another day another dollar and for once things are ok, well work is work some people are just incredibly stupid and I often wonder if they actually have a care worker who ties their shoelaces (if that is the case can I have one …..please) the day dragged simply because I was going to be home alone tonight, thankfully I made sure I had plenty to keep me occupied, the night flew over and I was soon heading up the wooden hill as I was an early next shift, I was soon wandering around the bedroom long before I had to be with the wife waving at some unseen fly trying to unhitch her headphones while still asleep, it would have been funny if it hadn’t been so bloody early, thankfully I was able to climb back into my pit and return to the land  of nod. (Album of the day Van Halen – Live in Ipswich 1978 not an album but a great bootleg from their first tour of Europe supporting Slack Haddock)

22^nd.Finally I got up at the right time but was suffering with my stomach and the day was blighted by my attitude towards the world, when I’m not a well puppy (I’m very rarely sick but I’m a shit patient ) thankfully with being on an early I was able to escape early and once home I was able to cook the dinner I had promised on Sunday (it was lush)trying to find some music to play while the wife watches the Brits!  I bounced from ZZ Top to Mike Oldfield and onto a horrific car crash of a Dave Lee Roth bootleg, car crash music! Off to bed soon hopefully a good night’s kip might turn me into a better person for the morning!

23^rd. Yet again I was wrong my mood wasn’t improved, dealing with dumb asses for most of the day was tiring and didn’t lift my spirits at all, I was glad to be home when I got there, however not for long, I did my trick after my evening meal (I blinked for long periods of time) and the wife used that well known method of poking a bear with a sharp stick (I understand that she gets frustrated about my sleeping habits but not as much as I do and shouting at me is not going to help matters I can assure you) so I sat like a bear for the rest of the night, I wasn’t a happy camper , I was glad when the pit called out my name, sleep was welcomed. (Album of the day Def Leppard – High n Dry).

24^th. Thankfully the anger from the previous night had dispersed in the morning, but so had my get up and go, I dragged myself through the day, although I did have a productive day with my new boss (from head office) thankfully the day got shorter after that, I was looking forward to going home as the Hurricane was coming to stay, a bright spot in another wise dull day, he came he saw he conquered our hearts all over again, thankfully he lifted our spirits, only for them to be dashed later as we found our niece had been taken to hospital and kept in, life really does want to kick us in the slats at the moment (we are not a massive family, so I would like to keep the ones that we have for just a while longer) the night was spoiled after that and I drifted from room to room, I even watched some TV without any blinking. (Album of the day Trixter – Hear).

25^th. Thankfully the hurricane slept and we weren’t up at the crack of dawn I still had an attack of cramp  Justas I woke up thankfully it didn’t last as long as it normally did, but the hurricane was engaging and so we built him his foosball set up, and generally enjoyed his time with us, he was soon on his way home and the wife was off to work for the afternoon, I was left twiddling my thumbs, well ok watching football (in the back ground) while I tried to do some non-work related reading! The wife turned up with some Chinese food (finally thankfully no power cut this time around) which was bloody lovely and hit the nail right on the head, thankfully we finally had some good news relating to my niece (who was allowed home) the wife settled down to watch her programmes so I buggered off to Netflix and enjoyed the Rush documentary, then a couple of episodes of Top of the pops from 1983 (WTF) at x30 on Sky (trust me the only way to watch them) and then once more up the wooden hill as sleepy time beckoned, thankfully going to bed with positive thoughts and loads of cunning plans as I have to get sorted to post this here blog in the morning. (Album of the day Rush – Grace under pressure).

26^th. A small lie in, breakfast and few minutes cursing Farcebook as it won’t let me post my album of the day (don’t worry I’m sneaky I found a way around it) then some shocks and surprises as Farcebook threw my a couple of curveballs of people who I might know, one a gentleman whose daughter (no names no pack drill) I dated back at school and it was great to see him still active as he was always a gentleman to me and great to see that he is still active politically (he pointed me in the right direction as a young man with some insightful thoughts at the right time) now I’m not going to send a friend request, to be honest he probably wouldn’t remember me, but to a young boy (I was 15/16 at the time) with no male in the family to direct me I took his advice and ran with it, still do actually and that has made me just a little happier, there were a few other blasts from the past, and yes they also brought a smile to my face, damn when did I turn into this nostalgic individual? Anyways enough with the blasts from the past, onwards they forgot me for a reason I need to finish and prep this blog, I hope you are still enjoying the format? And so off I go to rest (from the blog) for a few days and to panic over the numbers, until the next time ……………Toodles!