Girls

This one I should have titled trouble, because I’m not sure why I’m doing it! It popped into my head one morning and hopefully it’s not going to cause me any problems, as my intention I hope is to be witty (oh lord help me now hahaha).

As the title says it’s about the girls (well about 98% there’s not that many really just the main ones) that have been in my life and all the trouble we may have caused each other, because it was never a one-Way Street, for the sake of privacy I’m only going to use initials of first names and honestly there’s no real dirt to dig here, I’m only having fun!

I have to admit to being (painfully) shy around girls that I like in a romantic kind of way and with the exception of the wife, I have never asked a girl out in my life, although she will tell you she did all the ground work (which is true hahaha) if everybody thinks back from the beginning to the end is there a certain path we tread, I’m not so sure, you guys will have to tell me?

M: my first true love hahaha ok maybe not I was seven and she told me I was now her boyfriend, I think it lasted all of one play date hahaha she moved to Wales.

That was it for a good four years I found I had a distaste for bossy girls and I then developed a reputation for pulling pig tails and the such like if you have read previous blogs it was around this time my parents divorced and I think in reality it was way too early for me to be involved with the female of the species!

D: a classy girl that wanted to go out with me within the first week of senior school, I think it was primarily my long(ish) hair and the fact that I was just a little bit different, I was more interested in music than sport which at the time was pretty odd, we went out for weeks as opposed to months, we went to the local swimming baths with about six million other people on a regular basis! She had a thing for my family as she went out with my brother five years later for about the same length of time.

S: a girl with an older brother like me who liked music, the same as me and we went out a few times over the course of two years sometimes to the pictures mainly chilling listening to her brothers record collection, it was in this relationship that I heard for the first time that often used excuse (well it seemed to be for me) “we are better as friends I can really talk to you” and truth be told yes I think she made the right call as we stayed friends until after we left school, but lost touch as she went off to university, another body who escaped the clutches of Gimpsville and truth be told (I’d like to think at least)  a friend that I still miss to this day in a strictly platonic way. Although I doubt that she felt the same, it was all about a connection at that time, I suppose, that and the fact we were on the same page, or at least I thought we were, I’m not that bright when it comes to the female of the species!

J: we met at the local YMCA disco and she was the first girl I ever went out with who didn’t go to my school which was unheard of  and worse still she was a catholic she was surely damned to the very gates of hell, well she was if she listened to her friends (oh how I miss the good old days) again we went out a for a few months we hung around with the same bunch of people it was never anything serious I don’t think I was mature enough for her, the first girl I went out that the parents liked me, or at least were polite enough to hide their true feelings to my face, mind you I liked them I thought that they were great! again me with my long hair, and oh yes my brother went out with her later, again I think it was the older man that he was hahaha!

A: ah the love of my life (hahaha kids what do they know) my nemesis, in the nicest possible way, a stunningly beautiful girl who actually wanted to go out with me and to be honest it scared the living hell out me, and even at the tender age of thirteen I knew that this girl was going to not only steal my heart but keep it in a lead lined box and bury it out on the moors. She did and it’s still out there somewhere! We seemed suited to each other and we lasted about eight months, longer than my friends and their relationships, and we had mainly good times although she did say she wasn’t happy when I was grumpy or sarcastic (girls are so clued up so much more than boys) having said this, this is the only girl I ever bought a record for (and that means something trust me) and I actually still have a single that I borrowed off her  (in pristine condition if your that interested its Lena Lovich Lucky Number, I borrowed it so I could tape the b side) we sort of drifted for no reason other than I had friends that did different things to her circle of friends, damn I was so independent then……(not)

S: a different one again from another school we met again at the YMCA and again was out there on the perimeter, and we lasted a few weeks over the summer of 1978 we enjoyed the summer holidays down the river, we split for no reason other than distance she lived three miles away at a time when I didn’t have a lot of money or even a telephone it was a different time compared to now, what with mobiles and farcebook and all that goes with it, we started dating again in the run up to Christmas but again as the circle of friends fragmented so did our relationship, but we did stay as friends until she moved off to Cornwall, another person to escape the clutches of Gimpsville!

M: the younger sister of J and we were just wild in a nice way we always fought (nice ways) just full of youth nothing malicious on either side and again great times with great friends we were kids for god’s sake just knocking around the streets or going places that didn’t cost much, again different friends and different circles but it was nice while it lasted.

D: another girl from the YMCA who I dated for a few weeks again we were better friends and we realised it, not a lot in common and if I had been more mature I should have realised there was a darkness in the background that was there for all to see, as she got older she went to dark places not many others dare visit, the last time I heard about her she was in a hospital the types with bars on the windows, maybe I wasn’t as good a friend that I thought I was!

A: and back to the arms of my nemesis, there was a party scene (hahaha that sounds so decadent)  and not everybody went to them, me and a few friends did because we hung out with older kids, and by scene I mean there was cider present and nothing else happening (it was still the seventies) most of the kids I went to school with were so square, me and my best mate  stood out like a sore thumb and boy did we know how to have a good time, that’s as in good clean fun ( I really was a good boy) anyway somebody in our year decided to have a party and we tagged along, although we were welcomed with open arms, just as well really otherwise the place would have been trashed and that’s not really what we were about, A turned up with friends and playfully ignored me and got interested when we chased some kids away who weren’t invited , all the while my best friend was making plans (behind my back) saying I was still interested in her (which I was because she was stunning, simply the best looking girl in the school) the parents of the party house thankfully turned up sooner than anticipated (thankfully for them) and A having been dropped off by her dad and had no way of getting home for two hours so I gallantly offered to walk her to Gimpsville so she could get a bus home, I had enough money to get her home from Gimpsville but that was it, so I walked her to the bus and got a kiss on the cheek for being a gentleman ( I always was, please let my memory be right I would hate to think that I was never a gentleman) it was a night that I still cherish as it made me a happy bunny (go figure) and we went out for about a year, until one day I asked somebody to pass a message to her which wasn’t relayed correctly, and she took a hissy fit big style (again that’s how I remember it, I stand to be corrected) and that was it we were finished and she hated me for it, if I had been more mature I should have found out, but you know what I was fifteen and I didn’t give a rats ass (seems to be a popular theme throughout the blogs hahaha and the one regret that I carry in life regarding any relationship, this didn’t end because it had ran its course, it ended because I was so immature) and that was it, actually I did give a rats ass I just wasn’t mature enough to show it! she never looked at me again her friends hated me anyway and did everything in their power to keep me away, it was at this point I became not a nice person, I was annoyed at the way we had ended not towards her or her friends but with myself, as I thought I was a nice person (did I mention at any point that girls mature quicker than boys) it was around this time I became a dick, probably hormones and the such like, even today I don’t know, but I was never the same after this, in some ways what little confidence I had was crushed and I became an angry young man again my problem, nothing to do with the ladies who had been in my life .

A: (not the same A)by far the longest  of my school relationships and we were a good match although she had went out with a friend I had no idea she liked me, until her friend asked me, to be honest I should have said no there and then, but did I mention I had turned into a dick, she lived across the road from A if I had any brains I would have realised that I was being insensitive (that should read a dick and again I was becoming an even angrier young man and I had no reason why) I left school and joined the army for 5 minutes, I simply wasn’t the same person when I came back and I think I scared her, she said I had a look in my eyes that well, we finished, enough said. Actually, this A was the first girl I ever finished with and I regretted it straight away, but no amount of pleading would resolve the issues, I would love to have put the story right but that wasn’t possible.

M: six weeks of sheer hell mind, I didn’t exactly help, I think the only reason her dad never killed me was he was an ex squaddie, he definitely didn’t like me, let’s just say by this time I had very very long hair, thankfully she took a shine to other people with long hair, although she tried to keep me on a leash, it didn’t work because I was more interested in drink and not wasting money on her. I’m led to believe she was only interested in me because dare I say it I was still a virgin (not for long) and her interest withered soon after, what the hell, at this point I wasn’t interested in life at all anyway.

E: another strange relationship somebody who was so clingy but didn’t want to be seen out in public with me, (was I that bad ….answers on a postcard to didn’tcarethen.com ) thankfully by this time I was moving about a lot, so I was not always in London, a nice girl but strange.

D: an older person than me Ok so only two years older and again a relationship damaged by me and my wild ways(and by wild ways I mean my drinking and the inability to act like an adult), her dad had great sympathy for me as he had served in Korea, and knew straight away what was wrong with me, a lovely man but the relationship was doomed as I had no intention of moving to Manchester and besides she didn’t like music (damn how shallow can I be) I knew it was doomed as I got on better with her parents than I did with her!

And that was it, I went on a few blind dates but I was mainly there to make the numbers up, usually at the behest of my mate’s wives/partners because they knew I was a safe bet and good company (as long as I wasn’t out of my tree) I was the go to guy to make up the numbers, I was the perfect gentleman, I held open car doors, pulled out chairs  and generally made sure that these girls got home safe and sound, that was until one night in August 1984.

AM: My first wife and to be serious for a moment, this should never have happened but this is what happens when you are a raving loon and so is the girls dad, you think that you can match the lunatic for being a bigger lunatic(trust me you can’t) it wasn’t a bad relationship she just spent money she didn’t have (but I did) and she had Daddy issues (Ok he was her stepfather, but in my book he was still sick) if he had ignored the situation it would have been over in six weeks, but he didn’t and he pushed and I pushed back twice as hard, which when I think about was the stupidest thing in the world, I realised this when he beat the crap out of four blokes (yes four)  when they laughed at his new glasses and called him Dennis Taylor, the man was a complete head the ball, when we decided to get married in all honesty it was only to wind him up, unfortunately it just took him to higher levels of lunacy, he threatened to stab any of the family who turned up! Needless to say my friends and family had a great time, again she did stick by me when I had a few more “issues” but by this time I had quit drinking so that was something, or so I thought, my only regret is that I wish she had been as honest as we had said we would be with each other, but in the end you never know what anybody else is thinking, I misjudged her and that was a blow to me again, I was quite happy to move on and live the life of solitude but you learn you move on, I was unhappy when we split, but it wasn’t the end of the world, it wasn’t like when my nemesis cut me out her life,  I was more upset she lied, I don’t like liars. That was it for nearly five years I really did keep out of the way of the opposite sex, I realised that I probably wasn’t boyfriend/husband material, I’m not here to give anybody grief or heartache I regret any heartache I caused in any of the relationships I have mentioned. All I think I have ever wanted out of any of my relationships has been honesty.

The wife: I have to be super careful as she is sat behind me with a bloody big baseball bat.... tee hee! We chatted for a while when we first met and she got me drunk, she gets me (after nearly twenty-five years you would hope so) she likes most of the same things I do, we share a common taste in many things including humour and the such like. She’s bossy, but I knew that when we met and I really don’t have an issue with that, the only problem is the Kraken, but what the hell do I know. We have been through good times and bad times and are likely to go through a fair few more; I wish I could grow organs as quick as she can harvest them! She does have a few annoying habits, but nowhere near as many as me, so I think she wins hands down on that one.

We are very much on the same page for a lot of things and I know I can be a “major” pain but she does have my back and has helped me through a lot of heartache, she knows I mean well (hahaha I hope she does) and all though we do have some hum dingers in the house we do try and present a unified front out there in the world. Are we perfect hell no, but we try and (hopefully) we tell each other the truth that is all that matters, everything else we can work on, but we always need to tell each other the truth, whether it’s in my dress sense (thanks dear) or if I say I have no organs left to sell, hopefully she believes me hahahaha, hopefully we can grow old(er) together and be happy in our very old age!

And that’s the history of me and girls, as I get older I realise the regrets that I had and all of the help that the girls in my life did to help me , even if they didn’t know it at the time, if I was still in therapy my therapist would have a field day with me regarding this particular blog, my intentions were always innocent, well as innocent as a teenage boy could be! they may not have been perceived as such at the time, funnily enough I have only met one of  my previous girlfriends since I left school to chat to and I was oblivious to who she was (my eye sight really is that bad) I could not apologise enough and yes I felt like the worse person in the world! (I still do).

Not spicy enough for you then tough it was meant to be a bit of fun, although some of the prose in the blogs can be a bit dark I don’t want everybody to think that I’m a complete misery (the wife knows that! nobody else needs to) I am trying to mix and match, as an exercise it was good, I really had to think and I missed out a few one off dates because of the “we are better as friends and I can really talk to you” routine, I was always as dumb as a box of frogs when girls fancied me (and I’m told they did) it’s the old Billy Connolly routine complaining I couldn’t get a girl to like me when there was one sticking their tongue in my ear(trust me that never really happened I was just using it to prove my point) and my mates would just laugh at me. I was described as being born too late! Whatever that means or is it just because I was always (and hopefully still am) a gentleman. Well at least I try to be, I hope they think that as well, probably not, as I have looked back in rose tinted glasses, I do hope I wasn’t (that much of) a shit! Well after this little lot maybe not anymore hahaha!

I doubt that this blog should really cause to much of a stir because it’s highly unlikely that any of my ex-girlfriends are stalking me and has being reading my blogs, I don’t think I have put anything slanderous in (and believe me I probably could, mind you they could probably do more about me) the blog has been written in broad strokes, it was nice to remember a more pleasant time without the world on my shoulders, now to close the doors and move on down the road

Until the next time ……………. Toodles!