MY NAME IS ..... AND I'M A BLOGAHOLIC, MY NAME IS ..... AND I'M A BLOGAHOLIC..... bear with me on this one boys and girls!
So no game plan on this one and this will be (and that's a promise) the last blog for at least five days I know I bragged I had more than thirty plus ideas, but they need to be fleshed out and polished this one is off the cuff, a few ideas scribbled down (that pen has to go the distance the smell of almonds is way too distracting) and a hey ho lets go type of groove.
I will admit to have enjoyed writing this week but I really do need a lottery win because (and the weather hasn't helped) I've done bugger all else all week, type type type and scribble scribble scribble my butt has been sat at the table doing that for a good seventy per cent of the time, It seems that the majority of you guys (and Gals) have enjoyed the blogs but the well is dry I have done enough this week and although I have no desire to go back to work, needs must hahahaha and besides I bet everybody has missed me(not)!
Babysitting sucks and that's official, I love the little terrorist but he is a handful and I have no idea how the wife will cope when I'm off to work, I suppose it's the ten days worth all in a row that sucks as always it seems as though we have no life (that's because we don't) we missed out on a great night at the office (I won't say anymore but will sulk at the table pretending to blog.....oh hang on I am) last night ah well there's always Christmas grrrr!
So I did something that I never normally do, I had a trawl through some of the old blogs god what a whinging bastard I am? how depressing are some of those blogs? or is that why you people enjoy them? actually no I have enough issues I no need for you people to add to them, so here is the game plan I will honestly try and tone down the bile, no honestly after this one hahahaha.
Anyway my intention is to do that much better in everything, lose weight, stop being angry/bitter/annoying oh you get the picture. that's a promise I do intend to try and keep! scouts honour (ooops I was in the boys brigade!) hahahaha.
As I sit here and type this I'm aware that I am a cripple at the moment as I have put nearly all my weight back on and boy do I feel like an old person so that's where it starts if I lose the weight I will be happy again so that's the way forward I have to be in it for the long run. The new book will now not be until October purely for financial reasons (I want to eat before then) but then there will be nearly three hot to trot by then, but my producer (the bank manager) has decided that October will be the first available time to go to the printers with "Buck Naked" being available in time for Christmas so in the grand scheme of things I'm sure it will be worth the wait.
MY NAME IS ..... AND I'M A BLOGAHOLIC .....thanks for the last week here's to onwards and upwards watch the skies and all that bollocks until next time.....Toodles!
Sunday, 2 September 2012
Saturday, 1 September 2012
Sailor to a siren
YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG FOR ALL THAT IS SACRED AND THE LOVE OF THE CHILDREN YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG!
Actually I lied I just felt I needed to do something to grab your attention, and add a little drama into my writing, I needed this blog to gets it groove on and for it to head somewhere over there....just there in the right direction. OK so if I'm being honest (hahaha me with my reputation) I know feel incredibly guilty I should have posted this last night but I was so full of apathy it was unbelievable. I feel guilty (as a Tory MP fiddling his expenses) I mean after all aren't we lied to enough without you been drawn (onto the rocks) to a Walks With Broken Hoop Blog?
Isn't our attention needed to specifically help us through the minefield that we call life, work, home, wife/husband, kids, parents, friends etc etc. Shouldn't we all be using this precious time to reach out to our unwanted cross dressing...(see list above) to say that their life is actually worth something to somebody other than themselves!
Wouldn't it be better for all of us if we were to use these never have again golden moments, when everybody has gone home (ahem) to sneak back into work and sneak that nanny cam out of the ladies toilets you installed into the office toilets.... well damn it we all know that will never happen!
anyway.......YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET JEEBUS YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG!
WTF was I thinking I feel so ashamed (not) until the next time ....Toodles!
Actually I lied I just felt I needed to do something to grab your attention, and add a little drama into my writing, I needed this blog to gets it groove on and for it to head somewhere over there....just there in the right direction. OK so if I'm being honest (hahaha me with my reputation) I know feel incredibly guilty I should have posted this last night but I was so full of apathy it was unbelievable. I feel guilty (as a Tory MP fiddling his expenses) I mean after all aren't we lied to enough without you been drawn (onto the rocks) to a Walks With Broken Hoop Blog?
Isn't our attention needed to specifically help us through the minefield that we call life, work, home, wife/husband, kids, parents, friends etc etc. Shouldn't we all be using this precious time to reach out to our unwanted cross dressing...(see list above) to say that their life is actually worth something to somebody other than themselves!
Wouldn't it be better for all of us if we were to use these never have again golden moments, when everybody has gone home (ahem) to sneak back into work and sneak that nanny cam out of the ladies toilets you installed into the office toilets.... well damn it we all know that will never happen!
anyway.......YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET JEEBUS YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG!
WTF was I thinking I feel so ashamed (not) until the next time ....Toodles!
Thursday, 30 August 2012
Words.
I believe that words have a lot of power, depending on how they are said of course!
Sticks and stones may break our bones, buts lets be honest these even when broken will heal in a relatively short space of time!
Having said that one (hyper) critical Parent/ grand parent/ relative/nasty person can cripple you for a whole lot longer!
With those statements out there, lets try a little experiment (don't worry it doesn't involve chemicals or explosives) shall we? as you read on take note to see if you are smiling?
Did it work?
Now did you smile as soon as you read that?
If you didn't, don't worry about (there's no judgement here) don't beat yourself up we can always try again.
This time feel your lips curl up at the corners, now you might try and fight it, but you will by now have noticed that your mouth has taken on a life all of it's own!
As you keep reading this particular blog hopefully you will not have failed too see that you are indeed smiling like somebody who has won a rather large some of money on the euro millions!
It's all about the power of words, in this instance used for good. Now if you would like an example of words used for evil, you just give the aforementioned (or thought of) person who was a nasty piece shit in your formative years a ring and tell them your doing fine feck them and the horse they rode on in!
Now some blogs flow and some blogs take for ever, some I'm happy with straight away some I delete or put them away to polish this little bugger has been formulating since June of this year(and this is it's ninth rewrite) and it always seemed to end on a downer, and the intention was always to be an upper remember who you are stay true to what YOU believe! phone that person stop them in the street or even dance on their grave if they are dead! but feck them nobody has the right not to make you unhappy....until the next time Toodles!
Sticks and stones may break our bones, buts lets be honest these even when broken will heal in a relatively short space of time!
Having said that one (hyper) critical Parent/ grand parent/ relative/nasty person can cripple you for a whole lot longer!
With those statements out there, lets try a little experiment (don't worry it doesn't involve chemicals or explosives) shall we? as you read on take note to see if you are smiling?
Did it work?
Now did you smile as soon as you read that?
If you didn't, don't worry about (there's no judgement here) don't beat yourself up we can always try again.
This time feel your lips curl up at the corners, now you might try and fight it, but you will by now have noticed that your mouth has taken on a life all of it's own!
As you keep reading this particular blog hopefully you will not have failed too see that you are indeed smiling like somebody who has won a rather large some of money on the euro millions!
It's all about the power of words, in this instance used for good. Now if you would like an example of words used for evil, you just give the aforementioned (or thought of) person who was a nasty piece shit in your formative years a ring and tell them your doing fine feck them and the horse they rode on in!
Now some blogs flow and some blogs take for ever, some I'm happy with straight away some I delete or put them away to polish this little bugger has been formulating since June of this year(and this is it's ninth rewrite) and it always seemed to end on a downer, and the intention was always to be an upper remember who you are stay true to what YOU believe! phone that person stop them in the street or even dance on their grave if they are dead! but feck them nobody has the right not to make you unhappy....until the next time Toodles!
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Bright Ideas
Do you ever get the feeling that you are having a terrifying and powerful shift in your thought process?
Do you ever have thoughts that horrify you?
Do you ever think "Oh dear god was that me"?
Do you ever wake up in the morning and as you open your eyes, do you wonder if you are the same person that climbed into bed the night before?
Do you ever think Feck it, why bother, why even try, it's all going to hell in a handcart anyway!
Do you ever wonder if the person serving you your food hates you because they have to wait on tables and then have to pretend to be nice, all the while knowing within themselves that they are a much better person than you could ever be! and that their current servile position is just proving their point that they indeed do live in an unjust universe.
Do you ever think that people are only ever nice to you because they want something?(ooops paranoia mode set to full)
Do you ever think "I'm only being nice being nice I want something"?
You see the reason why I bring these little questions to your attention is that I don't! I just thought i should share although I don't think that the wife is particularly happy with yet another blog but these questions needed to be asked and I had to get it out there until the next one Toodles!
Do you ever have thoughts that horrify you?
Do you ever think "Oh dear god was that me"?
Do you ever wake up in the morning and as you open your eyes, do you wonder if you are the same person that climbed into bed the night before?
Do you ever think Feck it, why bother, why even try, it's all going to hell in a handcart anyway!
Do you ever wonder if the person serving you your food hates you because they have to wait on tables and then have to pretend to be nice, all the while knowing within themselves that they are a much better person than you could ever be! and that their current servile position is just proving their point that they indeed do live in an unjust universe.
Do you ever think that people are only ever nice to you because they want something?(ooops paranoia mode set to full)
Do you ever think "I'm only being nice being nice I want something"?
You see the reason why I bring these little questions to your attention is that I don't! I just thought i should share although I don't think that the wife is particularly happy with yet another blog but these questions needed to be asked and I had to get it out there until the next one Toodles!
Difficult to Cure.
Forgive me I've been through this before, but as always I feel the desire to repeat myself(repeat myself)! My (puny) mind is not my friend today (or any other day for that matter!)
Seemingly my brain has the ability to have a look at any environment and perceive "what is" and relate it back to loony tunes central in double quick time as being depressingly inadequate (no surprise there then). So as a result I always end up listening to the voice (just one) in my head like some kind of Humphrey Bogart character in some classic noir film! "OK so the man wants to see you next Monday" (you really have to be in character and do the voice) "what's it all about?" I ask tentatively, "some kind of rota that you have put together" damn and blast (my mind at this stage would be well into overdrive) they don't like it, they are going to say that it's unworkable! they'll tell me this because they can (hey its what I would do ....but would I?) they are power mad and if they don't get to "tweak it"they won't have any control or even any power over me (like some kind of deranged solar panel) their power is derived from their ability to say yay or nay! forcing change where change is not required, simply because they can, they do not understand the legal ramifications (damn when did this get all serious) and the potential to send me and my little universe into a tail spin!
I should call them (yeah why not your on holiday and this started out as a bit of fun) tell them I don't want to play politics or their tedious little mind games and all the crap that goes with it! I know I will just quit (oooh an idea) yes that's what I will do, I will quit, I will bugger off to some quaint English village and write my great novel(that will never be published by a proper publisher let alone be filmed or turned into a spin off TV series although my vision would sit well with the HBO ethos....WTF OK stick with me boys and girls I know where this is going!) But no I will stay in my dead end job and turn into (what do you mean turn!) one of those bitter and twisted old men, I'll end up in some down and out pub blaming the world and all that is in it (this really does sound ...ah lets not go there) and sit around all day playing dominoes (sounds like a plan!) asking what happened to all the good things in life?
So in reality (it comes flooding back in like the cold Atlantic into the lower decks of the Titanic) I won't quit (I still have to service the national debt of Peru for at least the next four years) I'll just become (what do you mean become, no lets not go there I'm fragile enough) a diva! I know I'll just be difficult (tee hee) no more than I am already, but in all likelihood I will roll over and have my belly rubbed, covert apathy (now that I can do ....I suppose) that's the way forward, they won't get to me, I don't care (damn I do I always have!) By Monday morning after being off for nine days (and only checking your Blackberry for your work emails every other day ....allegedly!) allowing my paranoia to build up to a tipping point of no return, I will lash out at the slightest provocation! "Hey Colin would you like a coffee " "Feck you and the horse you rode in on I quit" (back in the voice of Humphrey Bogart) but then imagine my surprise when they tell me they love what I have come up with, and they want to implement it straight away! They love the rota the plan the entire direction that I intend to steer the company in! You know I will in a small and humble voice come back with "yeah well it's a work in progress still need to polish it a bit more, I'm sure I can make it a whole lot better" .
While all along that little voice in my head whispers "they are lying ....learn to play dominoes"!
Seemingly my brain has the ability to have a look at any environment and perceive "what is" and relate it back to loony tunes central in double quick time as being depressingly inadequate (no surprise there then). So as a result I always end up listening to the voice (just one) in my head like some kind of Humphrey Bogart character in some classic noir film! "OK so the man wants to see you next Monday" (you really have to be in character and do the voice) "what's it all about?" I ask tentatively, "some kind of rota that you have put together" damn and blast (my mind at this stage would be well into overdrive) they don't like it, they are going to say that it's unworkable! they'll tell me this because they can (hey its what I would do ....but would I?) they are power mad and if they don't get to "tweak it"they won't have any control or even any power over me (like some kind of deranged solar panel) their power is derived from their ability to say yay or nay! forcing change where change is not required, simply because they can, they do not understand the legal ramifications (damn when did this get all serious) and the potential to send me and my little universe into a tail spin!
I should call them (yeah why not your on holiday and this started out as a bit of fun) tell them I don't want to play politics or their tedious little mind games and all the crap that goes with it! I know I will just quit (oooh an idea) yes that's what I will do, I will quit, I will bugger off to some quaint English village and write my great novel(that will never be published by a proper publisher let alone be filmed or turned into a spin off TV series although my vision would sit well with the HBO ethos....WTF OK stick with me boys and girls I know where this is going!) But no I will stay in my dead end job and turn into (what do you mean turn!) one of those bitter and twisted old men, I'll end up in some down and out pub blaming the world and all that is in it (this really does sound ...ah lets not go there) and sit around all day playing dominoes (sounds like a plan!) asking what happened to all the good things in life?
So in reality (it comes flooding back in like the cold Atlantic into the lower decks of the Titanic) I won't quit (I still have to service the national debt of Peru for at least the next four years) I'll just become (what do you mean become, no lets not go there I'm fragile enough) a diva! I know I'll just be difficult (tee hee) no more than I am already, but in all likelihood I will roll over and have my belly rubbed, covert apathy (now that I can do ....I suppose) that's the way forward, they won't get to me, I don't care (damn I do I always have!) By Monday morning after being off for nine days (and only checking your Blackberry for your work emails every other day ....allegedly!) allowing my paranoia to build up to a tipping point of no return, I will lash out at the slightest provocation! "Hey Colin would you like a coffee " "Feck you and the horse you rode in on I quit" (back in the voice of Humphrey Bogart) but then imagine my surprise when they tell me they love what I have come up with, and they want to implement it straight away! They love the rota the plan the entire direction that I intend to steer the company in! You know I will in a small and humble voice come back with "yeah well it's a work in progress still need to polish it a bit more, I'm sure I can make it a whole lot better" .
While all along that little voice in my head whispers "they are lying ....learn to play dominoes"!
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Open Letter to a .....
Dear Me
Can I just say that over the years (well lets face it you ain't getting any younger) I have resented you for not being athletic enough (well OK so just lately.....hang on since when did 15 years become just lately?) Brave enough (should that not be dumb enough) Funny enough (erm lets not go there) Smart enough ( and again lets not go there either) Talented enough (what do you mean bodge it and scarper!) Handsome enough (oh I don't know) Rich enough (have you lot not met my wife) Admired enough (sob!) Educated enough (your having a fecking laugh right) Popular enough (OK so you got me on that one) Outgoing enough (me I'm just shy and misunderstood) Quiet enough (OK so my mouth opens and both feet follow) Old enough (although at this point I feel fecking old) Young enough (hahahaha) Loving enough(I don't think I'm qualified to answer that one!) and loved enough (there should always be a little room for some loving!) I have always demanded perfection from you (Doesn't sound like me) and have found you to have not hit the mark, the result of this obsession (shouldn't the tablets have kicked in by now? are you sure that this is about me at all) has been to make you terrified of failure ( now I know that you're talking about somebody else) and ridicule (with this hairstyle) Angry at any obstacles (me angry noooo) and finally incapable (careful) of enjoying the fruits of your labour. That is not only all around you but within you as well (fecking hippy) well I can assure you Mister that's all about to change,From now on I intend to make every effort (yeah right) to love and accept you (feck off) as you are! But since old habits die hard (I just had to get a song title in there kids) lets start with something easy....Your not as fat as you think you are (time to take the drink from the old loon).
Affectionately Me
PS: it's amazing what you can do while waiting for a parcel....until next time Toodles!
Can I just say that over the years (well lets face it you ain't getting any younger) I have resented you for not being athletic enough (well OK so just lately.....hang on since when did 15 years become just lately?) Brave enough (should that not be dumb enough) Funny enough (erm lets not go there) Smart enough ( and again lets not go there either) Talented enough (what do you mean bodge it and scarper!) Handsome enough (oh I don't know) Rich enough (have you lot not met my wife) Admired enough (sob!) Educated enough (your having a fecking laugh right) Popular enough (OK so you got me on that one) Outgoing enough (me I'm just shy and misunderstood) Quiet enough (OK so my mouth opens and both feet follow) Old enough (although at this point I feel fecking old) Young enough (hahahaha) Loving enough(I don't think I'm qualified to answer that one!) and loved enough (there should always be a little room for some loving!) I have always demanded perfection from you (Doesn't sound like me) and have found you to have not hit the mark, the result of this obsession (shouldn't the tablets have kicked in by now? are you sure that this is about me at all) has been to make you terrified of failure ( now I know that you're talking about somebody else) and ridicule (with this hairstyle) Angry at any obstacles (me angry noooo) and finally incapable (careful) of enjoying the fruits of your labour. That is not only all around you but within you as well (fecking hippy) well I can assure you Mister that's all about to change,From now on I intend to make every effort (yeah right) to love and accept you (feck off) as you are! But since old habits die hard (I just had to get a song title in there kids) lets start with something easy....Your not as fat as you think you are (time to take the drink from the old loon).
Affectionately Me
PS: it's amazing what you can do while waiting for a parcel....until next time Toodles!
Monday, 27 August 2012
Think About It
I have reason to believe that I have too many thoughts(please note that I have never claimed that any of them were indeed sensible) I believe that I'm actually drowning in thick gooey swamp of thoughts!
No the more I think of it a swamp would be the wrong idea, It's more like being in a swarm of wasps (please don't try and imagine a small swarm of Blackie Lawless's flying around me) each and everyone one of them flying flying like world war two aces looking for a place to sting me! Yes wasps I will go with that wasps stinging for no other reason than because they can!
In fact I genuinely believe my entire understanding of life the universe and everything is based on my own (admittedly wacky) thoughts, which as much as we don't like to admit it are created by emotions (yuk!) which themselves are generated by... I can only surmise is my reaction to everything around me?
So apparently I understand the world through a special filter of my own emotions and thoughts (can you see where this is going ? if you can will you let me know because I haven't a bloody clue) is this how everybody else sees the world? is this how everybody else does it? if this in fact the way that it's done then I believe that it brings up a fascinating concept!
Since we were kids(probably) not one of us has directly viewed the world in which we live in (oooh sounds like a lyric to me) as it should be seen (I feel like as though I'm explaining a Doctor Who episode) I wonder how it must feel without this filter? I reckon that you would have to be as one with the world, as opposed to having your filter do just that filter out all of your thoughts and emotions!
I believe that this could be classed as a duality issue, There's you, there's the chair, there's me (again) we live on this collection of dust spinning out there in space amongst the stars dominated (ooh baby) by a race of beings, whose only connection to reality is to think that their thoughts are actually wasps(or is that just me?).
What is actually happening is that we are drifting through life in some altered reality (affected by that bloody filter) that is at best a madhouse a mirror image of what is actually out there, it makes you think doesn't it?
No actually what it does prove is that I have far too much time on my hands, that these blogs are indeed the work of idle hands, I really do need to take up a hobby (maybe Inuit throat singing) where I can get out into the big blue yonder and actually enjoy what's left of my short life without the filter being switched onto full. two blogs in two days both on random nothingness and obscurity! I think I could be doomed hahaha until tomorrow's next exciting episode ...Toodles!
No the more I think of it a swamp would be the wrong idea, It's more like being in a swarm of wasps (please don't try and imagine a small swarm of Blackie Lawless's flying around me) each and everyone one of them flying flying like world war two aces looking for a place to sting me! Yes wasps I will go with that wasps stinging for no other reason than because they can!
In fact I genuinely believe my entire understanding of life the universe and everything is based on my own (admittedly wacky) thoughts, which as much as we don't like to admit it are created by emotions (yuk!) which themselves are generated by... I can only surmise is my reaction to everything around me?
So apparently I understand the world through a special filter of my own emotions and thoughts (can you see where this is going ? if you can will you let me know because I haven't a bloody clue) is this how everybody else sees the world? is this how everybody else does it? if this in fact the way that it's done then I believe that it brings up a fascinating concept!
Since we were kids(probably) not one of us has directly viewed the world in which we live in (oooh sounds like a lyric to me) as it should be seen (I feel like as though I'm explaining a Doctor Who episode) I wonder how it must feel without this filter? I reckon that you would have to be as one with the world, as opposed to having your filter do just that filter out all of your thoughts and emotions!
I believe that this could be classed as a duality issue, There's you, there's the chair, there's me (again) we live on this collection of dust spinning out there in space amongst the stars dominated (ooh baby) by a race of beings, whose only connection to reality is to think that their thoughts are actually wasps(or is that just me?).
What is actually happening is that we are drifting through life in some altered reality (affected by that bloody filter) that is at best a madhouse a mirror image of what is actually out there, it makes you think doesn't it?
No actually what it does prove is that I have far too much time on my hands, that these blogs are indeed the work of idle hands, I really do need to take up a hobby (maybe Inuit throat singing) where I can get out into the big blue yonder and actually enjoy what's left of my short life without the filter being switched onto full. two blogs in two days both on random nothingness and obscurity! I think I could be doomed hahaha until tomorrow's next exciting episode ...Toodles!
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