Four on the Floor – Queen, Cats in Space, Beth Hart, Amanda Marshall.

Queen – One.     9/10.

Why review an album that’s 50 years old, well simply as it has been picked apart and lovingly restored, the instruments are so subtly different the tones on the drums, guitars, vocals, just about everything is so improved, it’s part of a vast box set, and yes its expensive, in the old days I would have panicked as to how I was going to pay for it, now I have Apple music, I simply click the button and I have it.

So why not a perfect score simply as they have restored a track that was supposed to be on the album “Mad the Swine” it was released at the time of Innuendo as a b side and that’s what it feels like I’m afraid a little too similar to other songs on the album, is it any good, I like it but it does pop up unexpectedly in the running order. So, what do you get in this box set well its quite comprehensive.

Disc 1 – The album and extra track, its like a warm hug, I can’t wait until they do the second album, you can hear every little thing that was recorded.

Disc 2 - The De Lane Lea demo’s, the originals I’ve heard them before just not in this depth of clarity (dodgy tapes back in the day).

Disc 3 – Trident Backing tracks 13 tracks in various stages of construction and banter, if you are a fan, you will love this.

Disc 4 - Various backing tracks and instrumental versions, my least favourite disc, but still good from a historical point of view.

Disc 5 – Live at the BBC – this I have had for a number of years, as it was released in 1989 (I think) this has 11 tracks as opposed to the original 8.

Disc 6 – this where I thought there might be some rare stuff, sadly not, its mainly taken from live at the Rainbow video but the last 4 tracks haven’t been released before including Hangman one of the oldest Queen songs which I had on a few bootlegs usually of crap quality, it was nice to finally hear a good quality version of it, although its safe to see why it was never recorded for an album, then a couple of tracks from their first gig at Imperial College London.

Is it worth it, most definitely and if I had the disposable cash to hand, I would buy it in a heartbeat however because of the quality it is very expensive (but worth it).

Cats in Space – Time Machine.     7/10

This is a great album , to be honest I haven’t had it as long as the others and it’s a slightly complicated piece of work, its like City Boy (The Band)  mixed with Styx, it’s all  a bit too clever and sometimes it comes across as musical theatre, that’s not a bad thing its just hard to put your finger on it, the writing, singing and playing is all superb ( I would like to hear the guitars being a bit louder in the mix) the more I play it the more I like it, I have had it since since Monday (the 28^th) and I have played it 6 times, every time it’s played something else jumps out in the mix, they have played close to us twice recently, unfortunately life gets in the way, but they are top of the list to go and see, if you like classic well written well played and ultimately well sang songs this is the band for you, maybe start with a couple of the earlier albums that aren’t as dense (musically speaking) one of the best British bands out there at the moment.

Beth Hart – You still got me.     7/10.

This lady never does a bad album , however the first two tracks are the weakest of this bunch, both with special guests (Slash & Eric Gale) they both add nothing to the tracks in my humble opinion, its when she’s let off the leash by herself and her band that’s when it gets slinky, lots of different styles and just damn good music, I know her singing in vibrato puts some people off, but she uses her voice to devasting effect on this album, I avoided her last album as it was a tribute to Led Zeppelin, I’m simply not a fan of the band, I might go back and try it, is this her best album no, but its not a bad album, start with her “War in my Mind” album and work all the way through her back catalogue you won’t be disappointed.

Amanda Marshall – Heavy Lifting.     7/10.

Again a lady who should have been massive but a shit manager and record label and the lady wanting to do things her own way, well its taken a while for her to come back, 22 years after her last album she is finally back, I discovered this quite by accident and I was over the moon to discover it, the one issue I have with it is its obviously a break up album as the songs clearly indicate that, that doesn’t make it a bad album (because its not) it does come across as slightly bitter, I suppose she’s entitled to, it’s a great starting point and its closer to her debut album style wise (which is totally awesome) not her more polished “modern” albums, if you find them they are all worth it, and again the more I play this the more I get into the groove, and it is a great groove album, I would love to see her live one more time as a headline act not as a support.

So, that’s the albums on rotation this week, not a bad album among them, just maybe as good as some of their previous albums its all good, play and kick back and watch the world keep spinning, until the next time…………………………. Toodles!

600.

Well, we got here, blog number 600, how did that happen? I know before anybody is a smart arse, its because I’m boring and I need to get a life, so here it comes when life was peachy and I had no worries or debts etc, it’s all about the music, see if I care, I do but don’t tell anybody else that, they might find out I actually had a life!

Newcastle city hall is without a doubt my favourite music venue, and I have been in a few, there’s just something about it I have been there with family and friends, I have been there by myself, it is my favourite since day one, I have seen bands I love, I like and bands I have hated but I still love the venue.

There’s too many too name especially in a small blog like this, I haven’t been there that much over the last 5 years, a few times but life keeps getting in the way (damn it) Covid didn’t help but my knees are the biggest issue, I can’t stand for long periods as I have no cartilage (see previous blogs) in my knees so if I can grab a seat I will.

I have seen bands abroad and by and large most venues fall into the same category, PAP! There is one or two in the states I like, both relatively small the House of Blues in Disney Springs Florida (Downtown Disney back in the day) but my Favourite was/is Vamped in Las Vegas, were we given a fantastic booth and the vibe was fantastic, it didn’t hurt we were on the guestlist that night, but it is a great venue.

In Europe I went to the North Sea Jazz Festival a couple of times and although most of the gigs were in arenas (with a few small club gigs) these were all pretty slick operations with a good vibe, I never got a bad vibe which occasionally mars gigs in England, usually because people get hammered and then behave despicably, it spoils the gigs, I haven’t got an issue mixing it with arseholes, but I’m a lot older and as I’ve said my knees aren’t what they used to be!

Theres a few good venues in the UK (Nottingham Rock City, the Marquee before it was demolished in London, and I quite like the Underworld in Camden, but its usually the venue that sets the vibe for the band and if the band are happy its usually a pretty good gig. I wont name and shame the venues I don’t like as there are quite a few, but by and large I’m not a huge fan of gigs in Glasgow or Manchester, it might be the city’s and not the venues, but there are always tons of crap at those locations. As for London there’s some good ones and great ones but there are bad ones as well, I’m not a huge fan of the Royal Albert hall and for the life of me I do not have a clue why, it just has a weird vibe, mind you I have been there when the Proms have been on and had a great time, its probably just me, again the Hammersmith Odeon, some good gigs (Stevie Wonder) some poor (way too many to mention), and I will put my hand on my heart and say I have never enjoyed a metal act there!

Seeing artists in small clubs before they were big is a good laugh, or even artists on the way down after being a headliner in  arenas and are now playing “clubs” can be just funny, I mean I nearly saw Bruce Springsteen on The River  in the City Hall but I dint know who he was LOL, I never thought I would get to see the likes of seeing Kiss in the City Hall and they played it like is was a massive arena, I saw Diamond Head at the city hall on the Borrowed Time tour then jump 20+ years and seeing them in Trillian’s just across the road from the city hall, both gigs great and the band were excellent before, during and after the gig Fish at the Riverside (both old and new) and various Haddington conventions, the venue helps but it’s the audience enjoying themselves that matters the most, god I sound like a bloody hippy.

I probably don’t have many gigs left in me unless I get my knees sorted (doubtful) at the moment I am on 4997, 3 more to hit the magic 5000, I used to write them down (yes I have always been sad) and give them a 5 star rating, list the support acts the same mini reviews write the set lists down, those books went the way of mystery over thirty years ago, I mean in 1984 I attended 310 gigs, no wonder my brain is fried, I could never remember them all, never mind the support acts, I might try before the brain revolts! I always get asked who was the best the gig and to be honest it changes depending on the day and the mood, one of the worst gigs I ever attended (for free) was Soft Cell (there was free drink) who were simply horrendous and very drunk at least they admitted it on stage bless them (remember that for the moment because I do circle back to them) the worst gigs I have attended from headlining superstars were……….Roger Taylor at Newcastle Riverside, he really didn’t want to be there and boy was he bitter I left after 4 songs, and Queensryche on the Empire tour, I left after 5 songs.

Theres been more good ones than bad ones but the best support act I saw (apart from FM with Gary Moore) was Marc Almond supporting Cher at the Newcastle arena, (there’s a bootleg from the show where you can actually here me say “oh for fucks sake”) but he was great, I didn’t know most of the songs but he was sober in tune and funny between the songs, I tip my hat to him as it was indeed a bloody good gig. The only artist I never got to see was Steve Walsh who sang solo and with Kansas (either would have done) I mean come on Arthur Askey was my first ever gig with Lulu supporting what a fab first gig the rest have all had to match them, lol I kid you not!

So, there you have it, will I do another 600 blogs? I would love to but I think it’s unlikely, I could pump them out daily but I prefer quality to quantity (god help when I retire and I have but time on my hands) so thank you for sticking around for the ride here’s to the however many more I have left in me, keep spreading the word stay safe and stay alive, until the next time…..Toodles!

And yes i do still miss the Newcastle Mayfair!

Man Down

It should really have been called whack a mole, because I took some time for myself and well to be honest, I haven’t had a great deal of luck with that, however I’m not down, I am surprisingly “up” for some reason, not all of the time but I reckon about 90% so that’s good for me!

Actually, splat the rat would have been a good title as well, we occasionally get vermin in our loft I have checked the whole place (me in my condition, a 9-month pregnant woman could do a better check simply for mobility reasons) I do put poison out and to date I have been doing well and sometimes we can go months without any furry trespassers, but its been annoying of late and to top it all off we think something has chewed through a cable as we had no lights for a week, we are back in the land of the 21^st century but the bedrooms have to be lit by bedside lamps! I had had enough and bought a trap, bang got the little blighter first time, now we just have to work out what to do about the lights?

Health wise it appears that I’m probably as good as I’m going to get, I  have a number of issues and by and large I get on with it, I have a flesh eating disease that rears its head when I’m run down, I know how to deal with its part of the curse of my diabetes I have it under control, the flesh eating disease not the diabetes, I’m a grown up and the NHS is not the place it was, not the staff but I don’t think any government has funded it correctly in the last 40 years, that and the whole sale stealing by contractors and “specialists” not NHS staff, well apart from the managers who get paid a fortune but simply sit at a desk, but I digress, I’m a man of a certain age and I’m well aware that my issue will get the bare minimum treatment, it took 8 years to diagnose my diabetes, a nurse simply looking at my bloods was able to guess what the problem was by then its too late to actually do anything about it, the main issue is they keep trying to patch a leaky boat (that would be me the actual leaky boat) its not worth while trying to fix a fat crippled nearly 60 year old, you might think I’m being cynical, well I’m not I can see the professional staff trying to help me but their hands are tied, it sums it up when I’m told “well at least you know what your cause of death will be” thanks for that that really makes me happy!

Its all the little things that add up, and well keep kicking me in the old bollocks! The flesh eating one being the first thing, my knees, I have been told I need two new ones, am I any further forward, hell no, just more obstacles thrown in my way, my BMI is too high you can see that I am indeed losing weight, but nope it has to be lower, I don’t think I made any friends when I enquired “where does it state this”? erm yeah no answer came the loud reply. They are making it up as they go along, watch this space for the further adventures of trying to get a knee replacement!

Consequently because of the pain and suffering I am trying really hard not to hide in food, my biggest issue, but I am doing way better than  I thought, but how long is that particular piece of string, and if Bob comes charging in I’m fucked, as I said at the beginning I’m not too bad but its starting to build and I don’t want to be the old man in a strait jacket when I finally pop, I have a lot of friends who work in the NHS, they do a brilliant job under extraordinary circumstances, but they have there hands tied doing paperwork rather than nursing, Drs seem to do more privately paid work than NHS stuff, I know one way to bring it down don’t let them do private work for the first 5 years that they work in the NHS, employ more nurses rather than doing bank work I know a person who paid off a substantial mortgage simply because they pay more doing bank work, I’m not knocking it we would all do it if we could, but the practices put into help the industry (because that’s what it is) is killing it, I predict there will not be an NHS in ten years all of the political parties are guilty of its murder!

There are a few other things but you expect it when you get to my age but I’m not being helped, “help yourself” they say guess what I have been doing that for nearly twenty years now I need some actual help, I have actually started to take painkillers  at the end of the day simply because ……..I’m soft, actually because my pyshio has told me to, My mental health is actually better than expected, but this is a very leaky boat, if I don’t get a pump to clear the bilges well lets see shall we, my chest has a slight pulse after any exertion, yes I still try to be a helpful member of society, but I am slowing down and I can’t figure out why, I’m breathless quickly, another reason why I can’t exercise like I want too, I know I’m going to get some stick for this blog I’m not whining, simply stating facts, my wife was a nurse who was injured on the job, thrown on the scrap heap and just left in the dust, she suffers in silence, with a lot worse than me.

I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, I recently took an NHS questionnaire it said I have the heart of a 90 year old, hells bells I have I have[CI1]  never smoked, rarely drink and I have being trying to get to grips  with my weight on and off for the last 20 years, basically my health is a shit show, but as the songs “always look on the bright side of life” trust me you should listen to me when I don’t LOL!

As for the rest of things it is what it is life isn’t a bowl of cherries but you do have to get on, it would appear that I went off on a rant that’s not what I wanted but after running silent for six weeks I need to vent the bile as the next blog is number 600 so we need sweetness and lollipops for that one (something musical me thinks) I want to thank all the nice people who reached out, but I’m fine, well as good as I can be considering I’m a leaky boat! Things will get better I have to think that, if I don’t well let’s not go there, so spread the word like, whatever you do this is a new phase and I promise to keep the bile to a minimum, stay safe, stay alive, and I will be back again really soon! So, until then it’s simply………...TOODLES!

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 [CI1]

Dum, Spiro, Spero!

 

I may have mentioned I am not in the best of health; well, the title of the blog is Latin for “while I breathe, I live” well it would appear that at the moment I am struggling to do both things!

This is not a woah is me blog, this is a wake-up dumb ass and give your head a shake, I realise that I am burning the candle (life wise) at both ends, I am also taking a flamethrower to the middle bit, let me explain, I have been carrying a couple of injuries for more than the last 20 years, knocks here and there, but by and large just little niggles,

A torn rotator cuff and yes I did go and see about it however back in the day the recovery time was over four months , at the time I couldn’t afford the time off (this was pre Management role) so I did the pyshio and then soldiered on, and to be truthful  there is probably way too much scar tissue to resolve the issue now, I still do the exercises the DR prescribed for me and simply get on with it., although as I now carry a pack that at its heaviest is 24 KG’s at it’s lightest its around 15KG’s, I have to carry it with me everywhere, I don’t drive so can’t just dump it in a car, I could leave it on the bus, but in this day and age it might simply be blown up as a suspect device!

I have had a number of broken bones and so consequently they hurt when they feel the need to, I have a fractured bone in my hand from when I was 15, didn’t hurt then, I wore a cast, now I can barely hold anything in it, copious amounts of painkillers when it decides to kick in, a fractured skull, eye socket, the list goes on nothing major and all healed (trust me the list is longer) but every now and then they flare up,  my knees are well documented and its beginning to wear me down.

The one that’s bugging me more than anything is the thick coating of phlegm that I try to expel from my throat and chest every morning isn’t helping, with a slight niggle in the top left side of my chest all at the same time! What’s that Blue Oyster Cult song again?  I’m not going to go near a quack (not that I can get an appointment) as my holiday is in 10 week’s time and I need some RNR, the old irritable me is returning to the surface, generally because of my health, I sleep when I shouldn’t, and then sleep for around about 4 to 5 hours a night, I learnt in the army to eat while I can and sleep while I can, I have a normal size meal then I’m out like a light, not good.

I have been the wife’s crutch during the time after the Krakens death and I knew this would be hard and long I simply didn’t understand how long and how hard, and I’m there for her every step of the way, but I am getting slower and slower, soon I might not be of any use to her, and that’s not what I want, I have realised (better late than never) that I need some me time, I need to chill and relax and recharge my batteries, I mean god help me if I had any form of social life at all as well, we are fine on that front!

So I am not stopping this is not a goodbye this is me simply saying I need sometime for me and the wife, nothing else, nothing more, I need to take stock and get some answers from a DR for a change, so I may be missing in action for a couple of weeks (fingers crossed) we are too close to number 600 to stop now, I’m 60 this year and I really do want to reach 61, I only have three things on a bucket list , make the wife better, get myself better and finally reclaim my social life, so don’t panic, the earliest you might see me is the 1^st of October, either way I will keep everybody in the loop, don’t panic I’m not about to shuffle from this mortal coil just yet, however the engine could seize on me if I don’t do something about it soon, I would hate to my timing belt go twang at a most inopportune time, so until the next time, stay safe, stay alive and for now its………….. Toodles!

Four on the Floor – Blue Oyster Cult Live.

One of my all-time favourite bands, brought about primarily because of their first live album, over the years there have been a few so today I’m going to concentrate on the first two and the last two, so let it begin!

On Your Feet or on Your Knees – 1975.     9.5/10.

My brother borrowed this off somebody who he went to school with the intention if he liked it he was going to buy it, he didn’t but I did, he didn’t seem to have a great interest in it, but to me it had me hooked from the first chord, it was also my first double album (which I still have) and my first live CD I bought, the sound was typical of the early seventies, weedy in some parts awesome in others, I didn’t care, as soon as I heard Then came the last days of May and Bucks Boogie I was in love! there were a couple of tracks I didn’t get straight away, I was ten, I mean Harvester of eyes, Seven Screaming Dizbusters (which I loved and still do) it didn’t matter that I didn’t understand it, the songs appealed, the playing appealed, I didn’t care that Albert Bouchard was wearing silver shorts in the middle of the sleeve, the only downer for me simply because  it was a cover and I was already at the age of ten sick of it, Born to be wild, it’s a great cover, just it was always on the radio even then, a little like Kiss the band simply toured and toured and this was a stop gap album so they could try and write some new songs, which arrived literally six months after I bought this (Agents of Fortune) before for that arrived I had bought the first three albums and got really acquainted with the studio versions of the songs of this album, and I was upset that they put Born to be wild on the album instead of Astronomy!

Some Enchanted Evening – 1978     9.5/10.

My favourite  BOC live album, I had over the years some excellent bootlegs but this was the dogs bollocks, not least because I got to see the band on 1-6-1978 at Newcastle City Hall and two tracks are featured on this album, a friend of my brother took me simply because he was being mean to me about going to the gig , he had no intention of going, but he didn’t tell me that until the day of the gig and I was devastated that I wasn’t going to see them, an older friend who was going and had a friend drop out took me instead of my brother, ha did he have a sour look on his face, I was close to tears when they came on stage and have very little memory about the gig, I wasn't quite a teenager at this point (nearly but not quite) and I was a wee thing compared to the hulking brutes in the surrounding seats, Why the same rating as the first one , well again it was the sound, it had lost a bit of its balls as they had moved to radio systems for instruments and although its an excellent album the weedy sound does kind of annoy me, it’s a personal choice, again we had covers but I didn’t mind, a stunning cover and glorious inside sleeve, I played my original to death and had to wait to get it on CD as they weren’t a priority for Sony by the time CD’s started arriving, just as COVID hit I bought it again in a number of colours (Blue & Red ) allegedly there was a Picture Disc but I never got my hands on that. I did get a reissue on CD with bonus tracks with an alternative version of We gotta get out of this place and yet another version of Born to be bloody wild!

50^th Anniversary First Night – 2023     8/10.

In reality the band should now have been called Two Oyster Cult by this time, with the loss of the Bouchard Brothers and Allen Lanier dipping in and out due to ill health but they continued to release some good live albums and some terrible ones as well, I have seen them tour on every tour except the last tour since that first one back in 1978 and have never been disappointed by them live, the less said about Eric Blooms Silk Pyjamas  on the Club Ninja tour the better, this was an anniversary tour celebration of the early albums this first night was the debut album, I haven’t bought a physical copy (I’m assuming that it’s a double album to be honest I haven’t seen any physical copies so I can’t confirm) the first album is just that it’s the debut album, I would have preferred to see them split the songs between the second album, because the songs haven’t fared well over time, I still love them but you can see the limitations that they were operating under, especially when you compare them to the monsters on the second disc, why the lower score, firstly Mr Blooms vocals have lost some of the growl, he is a lot older, I get that but some of those songs do need the growl, and some of the first album songs simply don’t compare, the band are good but there’s little bits and pieces that wouldn’t have got through on the first two live albums.

50^th Anniversary Second Night – 2024. 8/10.

More of the same, with the second night being for the second album Tyranny and Mutation, these songs seems to fared a little better with again some tracks that the band haven’t played in what seems like forever, a good mix of songs (including The revenge of Vera Gemini) same faults as with the first one I would have preferred them missed it would have made for a more even mix and there’s a couple of guitar parts that simply don’t seem to gel, still a good introduction if you haven’t heard anything before by the boys, I would recommend you start with Some Enchanted Evening.

And there you have it I know this is really late no excuses I simply wasn’t feeling it, its been written a while I simply didn’t want to publish, anyway onwards enjoy and keep spreading the disease, until the next time stay safe and stay alive………Toodles!

Where Eagles Dare!

A blog of two half’s, and again not the blog I had intended, well in a way it was, let me explain, I had the base line written out, I simply had to polish it, then life as it does gets in the way!

The week started with the usual aches and pains for me, knees, shoulder various little tweaks here and there, it was further complicated as I was attacked on the bus by an old lady and a suitcase, its not dramatic as it sounds, the old lady was trying to deal with a young child and her suitcase ran down the bus as I stood up to vacate said vehicle, there’s nowhere to store bags these days and well I acted as a braking system for the case, I think she was transporting gold bars for some third world dictator , I smiled and said it was ok (it wasn’t, but I’m a gentleman) thankfully a day in the office I was able to suffer in silence. Thankfully they get thirty-five hours and no more, it’s still double the rate of most of the other teams seem to be up to!

Upon arriving home, I discovered that the wife had Covid again, thankfully she’s a much better patient than I am and she simply got on with life, with little sympathy for my suitcase tale! It would appear my brother and his daughter have also succumbed to the Covid, so its doing the rounds again, even the pooch has come out in sympathy as he needs a major operation as he has dislocated something and it needs to be held in place and although we have insurance he has had issues this last year and so is nearly up to his limit, so for the operation to go ahead we need to stump up at least another £2000.

Another day in the office with my headphones in, but not switched on I simply don’t want people to bother me while I work, and I’m aghast at these privileged pampered people who have no idea what life is like outside the rarefied oxygen outside of the university, they are nice enough people (well most of them) they simply have no  idea about the universe or anything in life in general, I keep getting caught looking at peoples shoes to see who tied them, as I doubt many of them could! As the week continues, I feel worn out, my body is a temple, or rather a ruin at the bottom of someone’s garden!

By and large I’m not normally a jealous person, but I keep seeing peoples status’s on Farcebook about the life they are leading and I am so jealous, well to be honest I’m jealous for anybody who seems to walk to their front gate , something I should do more often, just to cheer me up, by the time I get home I am wiped out, I’m beginning to think my diabetic riddled worn out shell of a body is worthless, and by the time I actually I do get the chance to retire ( lunch time on the day that I die) it’s not going be a worthwhile endeavour. I/we simply need to break from the shackles that we have created for ourselves, one day someday soon, maybe, maybe’s not! Then to cap it all I finally catch (after 4 years) Covid, not as bad as the wife, but my chest seems to take the brunt of it, I will stay home until I’m clear (that’s today) I seem to doze and do very little for those five days and I do sleep the sleep of the dead most evenings however I’m still up an hour before my alarm goes off, so I take to haunting downstairs, until the wife gets up!

I made a joke that it couldn’t get worse, could it? Well yes it could, as we lost an avid reader, a Mancunian living in Germany, someone who had been with the blog literally from day one, Dave Robinson, who I had had many meaningful/nonsense conversations, and he was a great supporter when doubt kicked in, he had been poorly recently and he passed after a couple of days in hospital, we hadn’t met in real time, but I would say that we were friends, and the title of the blog is in memory of Dave as whenever I need solace/support I would send up a flare of “Broadsword Calling Danny Boy” to which he always responded, we hadn’t spoken since earlier in the year, when as always he was supportive about me getting my knee sorted (he had his done a couple of years earlier) its funny how a loss hits you, even a friendship over the airwaves, my best wishes go out to his family and friends, god speed and goodnight!

Yes the name game is in play no its not the film, it is a song, google it if you must, the blog took a darker turn than expected and simply want what had been planned, yes I know its late, but I was poorly go sue me, and then I was devasted that we lost Dave,  for his sake I will get back on track and the rest of the year the blogs will be dedicated to Mr Robinson, Achtung Broadsword Calling Danny Boy one last time in the ether! Until the next time stay safe and stay alive until then………………………...Toodles!

Now Hear This – 10.

1.      A quick return? – It is for this type of blog, there may a longer break until the next one, but I have been inundated with so many queries of late, I thought it best to try and wade through some of the more popular questions, you all know how this works, please keep all body parts inside the car while in motion that way nobody should get injured, let’s see!

2.      There’s been a lot of death? – There has and there’s been even more since the blog “Father to Son”, there have been a number of queries regarding the death of my father, can I just say, I don’t think I care, I didn’t wish him ill while he was alive, I don’t wish him ill now, I simply didn’t understand how you can stay away from your own children, I don’t suppose I will ever find out now, one of life’s great mysteries I suppose! They do say Dead men Tell no Tales (that was the original title for that particular blog). There’s actually been two deaths of people who I knew, one better than the other but they were both younger than me and a nice guys, a bit of a shock, you really do need to take each day as it comes!

3.      Dreams, what’s that all about? –  well, the blog is about what’s in my head at any particular moment in time, so I thought I would do something that was there at that particular moment in time, instead of trawling back through older ideas, it came out better than I thought, it might not have been perfect it might even have been drivel but it was what was in my mind on the day,, but it tried its best and the numbers were bloody respectable, I realise that not everything can be golden, I didn’t consider that blog to be a lump of coal, if I had I simply wouldn’t have published the bloody thing, I am just a little picky.

4.      Still obsessed about numbers? – Hell yeah I am, the page has beaten last years figures already, and we did 112,000+ last year so of course I’m still obsessed, I am simply trying to work out the knot of why something does so well and others (some of which I think are better) simply don’t, hopefully I never will as then it will simply become tedious and I would walk away forever, I do however have a theory that the robots on Twatter or whatever it’s called this week are helping, another blog for another time.

5.      Music? – it comes in bursts so sometimes I could write 5 or 6 musical review ones, then have to try and work out which one will I publish, I do know if I post about once a week the numbers stay consistent, and if I don’t pick them I do delete them as I may have a different opinion, I mean I am male so yeah something I hate I may just like it later go figure!

6.      Why the name Game? – I have answered this a number of times, but basically it started as a bit of fun (with a lot more readers having a go) it’s a habit I can’t seem to get out of, so unless I can come up with something better, I will keep going, I do miss Nils and his funny guess’s, I’m sure he knew them he was simply being provocative!

7.      Countries? – Seem to change all the time, Sweden has gone down the lists, Malta is in double figures for the last couple of weeks, Japan has stayed roughly the same, I’m quite happy with the mix, it could be worse, all the hits could be due to me simply checking the numbers, no I don’t check them more than once a day!

8.      Do you have a Favourite blog? – I have over the last couple of months been doing some tidying up of the blogs and sorting out an archive, so I have read a couple of them, but I’m going to revert to my original answer, no, I don’t even recognise the writer sometimes, and the subject matter tends to a tad eclectic to say the least, but I think there is an even keel starting to show, I do have some ideas where to go but as I have said in the past, slowly, slowly catchee monkee!

9.      Health? – if you hadn’t noticed my health is decidedly shite, its stable at the moment but still crap, my knees, my hips, my chest seems not to be able to shake the minor infections and the amount of phlegm I bring up in the morning is nobody’s business, I get slower every day, I am actually trying to do all the right things, not that it seems to be doing any good……..yet!

10.  Pet Hate/thing to make you very angry? – Filters that people use on their photos, somebody said hello at work and I didn’t recognise them as they looked so different to their profile, be natural, everybody looks so much better in real life, some of us have the face for radio, who cares, love yourself, its better than the Barbie lookalikes that appear on here, I’m going to stop there as I tend to vent quite a lot on this subject, me with my reputation, who knew!

11.  Most read blog/ most asked question? – I have combined these questions, it hasn’t changed, everybody wants to know who stole my heart and then buried it out on the moors in the “Girls” blog, and for some reason the “Intruder” blog is streets ahead of all the other blogs, I have no idea why for both blogs, maybe they simply struck a nerve!

12.  Abandoned ideas? – Several blogs actually that would be in triple figures, so let’s not go there, they just lost the feel/emotion, they lost something some I still have but it’s unlikely they will ever see the light of day, some were simply full of bile, some were simply crap, I am at least honest, I do believe with an editor someone to give me  some perspective It would simply help me improve, it’s not going to happen so I will simply have to go with the flow, as for ideas other than blogs I have three very good story outlines for books, simply fiction, not blog based one I have been working on for over 25 years, I simply don’t seem to be able to put flesh on the bones, so to speak, maybe I need to be retired to focus, I don’t thing any author has anything to worry about!

13.  Improving Social Life? – Well we have been out once in god knows how long, but the blog from that trip was the best numbers for the year so far, so go figure, and yes I will always write in code I wouldn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, it seems unlikely that the Tee Hee Club will ever fully reunite (I do live in hope) an occasional mini jaunt might happen, getting the wife out of the house is the main issue at the moment, I knew it would be hard once the Kraken passed, but I will do whatever it takes to make her better, baby staps boys and girls baby steps, but yes if we go out more there will be more blogs of that nature, so watch this space!

14.  Advice for Bloggers? – again what the actual f***, I have no advice other than get out there and do it, when I started on Myspace all of those years ago the first couple of blogs were in single figures but the more I did it, the bigger the numbers and within six months I was getting regular four figures per blog, how does that happen? I have no idea, the numbers I’m getting now are pretty damn good, but my last years on Myspace I was getting three times the numbers annually, mind you some of those people were simply wanting to kill me!

15.  Are you happy with the blog? – Today I am, ask me tonight I might not be, I can’t do anything but go with the flow, I have found once I have accepted this simple truth, by and large I am, I can do doom and gloom, but thankfully nowhere near as bad as it’s been!

16.  Do you still have a stock of ideas: - It would be easier to simply take a picture (if only I could) I currently have 12 notebooks with lines, paragraph’s, nearly completed full blogs, as I said previously I did some archive work on the blog I sat down and compiled the ideas that I thought I could still work with for blogs, the book ideas have their own special folders and there are many pages of ideas and histories of characters, once I had compiled the blog materials I got rid of over 25 books and notes some large some simply tiny notebooks, so I was able to keep around 50% of what I had, some of the ideas I had no idea what I was trying to say, or even what planet I was on as I put pen to paper!

17.  Are you honest? – I like to think so, I get my knickers in a twist if I’m not, I believe life will get you back if you are not, even while writing about my ex-wife, I have never stretched the truth, she lied and did a despicable thing, if she had been unhappy we could have sorted it all out without any unpleasantness, not that there was much,  it was done we moved on, thankfully there were no children involved, I don’t like liars so to lie in the blog would not be genuine, I would never knowingly lie or stretch the truth to suit my purposes, I might bend the truth to make them look better or preserve their innocence LOL you work it out! so the answer to this one is, you probably won’t meet a more honest person!

18.  A Social Life? – Yes please, I would love one, and nothing better than to write about my friends and their experiences, if it happens you lucky people will be the first to know!

19.  “BOB” – Yes, he is still with me out on the perimeter, some days he crawls closer and I can throw stones to get him to go back where he came from, this has probably been the longest period in my life without him, I’m not stupid enough to think he has gone, he will be with me until my death bed, but if I can keep him out there on the perimeter maybe just maybe I might live a quiet peaceful life, I can but hope!

20.  The Future: - well to be truthful nobody knows, it could all end tomorrow (it might not) I really am taking it one day/blog at a time as long as I have the desire to write it will be in form or another, no promises, no lies, it is what it is!

 

So, there you go one blog as promised, the next one should be a musical one, I said should be so don’t hold me to that, but who knows what sparks in my brain as I sit down and start to write/type, take care there is far too much death around, I want to stay away from morbid tales, so until the next time, keep spreading the disease, but until then……………………………Toodles!

These Dreams.

Yes, the name game is in play, its so bloody easy, but its better to start the blog with that line than to say I have problems. Now that might seem dramatic, it’s not, I have questions but no answers, so I thought (I know a dumb move) I would ask you lot the discerning readership what it all means beyond life the universe or if it actually means anything!

So, if you are a regular reader, you will know I didn’t have regular dreams like a normal person, I was involved in a firearm incident in Her Majesty’s Armed Forces at the age of 16 and it simply screwed me up, from that day for the next 37 years I relived the incident around the same 6 minutes in a loop virtually 24 hours a day (no wonder I was nuts). Now through the day I could distract myself with life and other crap, but sleepy time was not a good time for me.

I had good times and bad times, yes even though I was simply reliving it over and over again, you adapt, it might not be great but you do what you can, eventually I had a couple of incredible meltdowns and I got help, yes a man who asked for some assistance ( the whole book is on the blog from start to finish) I did a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and it eased me back towards normality, I am not cured, I think I’m bright enough to know that, but its as good as I will get, so I will pick up that particular ball and run with it, my life is probably about 90% better, most of the time, yes I still have “Bob” but that’s something different and simply the way I am wired up, and again what I learnt from the CBT I can use in other life skill moments.

What was freaky after the 22 weeks of CBT, the loop kind of faded into the background, yes it still plays but on a scale of 1 to 10 it’s at a .5 most of the time, its not nice but its manageable, for the most part, I’m not the drooling lunatic I could turn into, again can I just say I’m simply setting the scene for where I am at this moment in time, I slowly started to dream, it simply freaked me out, as it had been so long since I had done what everybody else did on going to bed, there was nothing creepy of sorts, just vivid Colours in happier moments, Black & White in my more melancholy times, if I was asked I reckon they sit at about 50/50, I’m nearly 60 and I’m probably the happiest I have been in 44 years, but I still find it strange.

I don’t think I dream every night, I can dream both in Colour and in Black & White in the same night, in the last 7 years I would say that I have had to endure the six minute loop 4 times at its full on intensity, the last about a fortnight ago and the first time in 5 years, that loop leaves me hollow and I’m not fantastic company the next day, that’s not to say that I’m an angry man (like I used to be) it simply takes me a little longer to be productive. I seem to dream of people who I haven’t seen in years, some even that I went to school with, Both the male and female and no nothing icky just dreams, playing football doing kids stuff, well stuff we used to do as kids, people who have passed, but not family members which I do find strange!

If I’m happy then certain colours (and never the same ones) are so vivid, its all about good times and peeps who me and the wife know, (not necessarily in buildings I have been in) I had a dream of listening to Ace Frehley’s first solo album, yes the Kiss one, but the music was simply not the music that is actually contained  on said album, that dream stuck with me for months, I have no idea why, the dream itself was meaningless but I spent an age devouring the information that I could remember, very rarely do dreams repeat themselves they are a one time deal, if they do resurface they might be similar but things will have changed, maybe places or even different people in a similar dream. Music features heavily, gigs I have been to, but not with the people who I actually attended the gigs with.

Even the melancholy dreams are simply that, simply melancholy nothing too untoward, nothing scary just a different twist on the view of life, touch wood I haven’t suffered from an actual nightmare, scary dream, mind you reliving the same six minutes on a loop for a number of years could be construed as being one.

Why am I telling everybody this, simply because have no idea how to compute the amount of information that streams through my brain on a night time, some people might have some ideas (trust me I have no intention of analysing individual dreams) some might want to poke fun and I have no issue with that, I just want to see if after all of these years I am indeed the same as the people who read the blog, just an ordinary member of the public of the planet earth! This particular blog has been sitting around in a couple of different formats and I have “blended” them together simply because I don’t want to waste stuff that could of some use, who else dreams like this or am indeed a freak, I have discussed this with the wife at certain junctions of our life but I think she is wary that I might be trying trap her, I’m not I’m simply not articulate enough to express myself (another man trait).

Lately what is starting to freak me out I have remembered that my name has been said but not by people within the dream or I can be by myself and my name is said out loud, now what the hell does that me? Yes I know it means I’m going nuts, any insights thought for once would be welcomed, I know I could be opening a can of worms here but I would genuinely like to know but I don’t want to pull the wrong thread or even end up down a rabbit hole, no I do not dream that I’m the matrix, so there’s the blog and the next one is going to be a “Now Hear This” blog so if you have questions now is the time to send them in, the shortest turn around in one of those blogs but the amount of similar questions I have been asked I think I simply have to answer them.

So thank you, for you time, your patience, and in some ways a look at the way the world operates (sometimes really badly judging by some of the responses I get) but life marches on the good times and the bad, so stay safe, stay alive, keep spreading the word and until the next blog, its Toodles from me!

Pain Is So Close to Pleasure.

Finally, a blog about what this blog was designed for, social interaction, going out and having fun with lovely people, as usual I’m getting ahead of myself, lets start at the beginning, or somewhere close to it!

The last year has been pretty bleak for the wife, I have been pulling out all the stops possible to support her, sometimes successful, sometimes not, I knew it was going to be a slog but I was in it for the long haul, she has helped me over the years its time for me to step up to the plate, the week started kind of low key especially after the previous week for me (see previous blog) to be honest I had walked it off, gave my head a shake and simply moved on, it might rear its head at some point but at the moment it hasn’t so for now onwards!

The wife kind of causally mentioned that we had been invited to a birthday party and do I think if we should go, (erm hell yeah) I didn’t push it I simply said it would be good for her and her anxiety, the coming Friday was to be the one year anniversary of the passing of the Kraken, it was time to move on and this would be the best way to do it, all through the week I nudged her when it was needed, and held my tongue when I needed to, I wasn’t going to spook her, it all looked good in the hood until we had a plague of Flies and Bluebottles, to be truthful this could have worked either way, but we dug our heels in and eradicated the enemy, but It wasn’t an easy task and we used everything that we could muster, Fly paper well that was crap, the wife spraying fly spray like she was the Red Baron at times the air hung heavy like the trenches at the Somme heavy with Mustard gas, we even bought an electronic fly zapper which killed wave after wave of them, we had no idea where they were coming from but the wife’s (she hates them) stress levels were through the roof,.

As the week moved slowly to the finish line, there were small hints that she was going to make it, should I go the hairdressers? (I would) just a little encouragement but it worked, she went off to her appointment, but she was a little longer than expected ( I actually had everything crossed that she would go into Ruby Tuesdays a boutique just up the road from us……she did) a new top and just a little spark in her face, baby steps baby steps, The Hurricane was coming to stay for the night simply to give his parents a respite, and for us to have a pleasurable evening in his company, as he is generally good for us, I know that will change at some point but this time it worked, Saturday morning came and this would be the test of everything, The eldest as usually ran on her time line not the worlds, I was getting a little testy (what me obsessed with time…..no, never)  we had a few chores out in Gimpsville once the Hurricane departed, I took a minor strop ( yes it was time related, my issue nobody else’s, nobody was harmed in the making of this strop) chores completed we headed home and relaxed.

Then came the time to make a start to get ready, I don’t take a lot (have you met me) to get  ready, but I could feel anxiety levels starting to rise if they just started to rise even a little, it could make this horse bolt from the field, a conversation had taken place earlier in the day were I placed my cards on the table, the time to mourn was over the wife had had 365 days one full year of mourning, to be honest she has been a whole lot better than I thought she would have been, but we were still having moments, then we were in the car this could actually happen, I didn’t care were we were going I was simply happy to be sat next to the wife heading straight out of Gimpsville!

Our destination was The Cluny in Newcastle, I sensed a little apprehension whilst looking for a parking space, thankfully we found one close to the venue, and I felt the nerves bugger off as we walked down the short walk down to the venue as the wife saw people who she knew from many, many years ago, good friends was what she needed and its what she got, I moved to join the huge queue at the bar (the Cluny is a small music venue in Newcastle and the fact that it was hosting two gigs on the night proved why it was busy) I do like the place its different, however the prices are ridiculous, obscure beers, imported beers, all more cheaper than soft drinks (WTF) that’s my only complaint it has a great vibe, maybe its because its so long that I have been out for a social occasion, and its not a Wetherspoons so prices are bound to be higher, I was accosted in the queue not once but twice and people who were with me and the wife on our first official date (The Silence of the Lambs) maybe it was a good omen, once robbed I mean served, I made my way outside to chat the wife and some of her friends who I knew by face but hadn’t really spoke to them before other than to say hello, I needn’t have worried as the night was already proving to be a winner.

More people arrived, people who I knew better, the wife and I have been together 33 years and sometimes I feel like an interloper, but in all of the time I have never been made feel like one, the friendliest bunch of people, thankfully there was also one or two people I knew before I met the wife, including someone I went to school with, as I said repeatedly over the course of the night “it’s a small world, I simply wouldn’t like to paint it!” and there’s me thinking I would be like baby in the corner, it simply wasn’t the case I had a great night I apologise to everybody I talked to death, its been a while LOL, thank you all for not telling me to bugger off!

Then there was the only call of the night were I thought there could be trouble, group photo time, if you know me I don’t do pictures, I simply have the face for radio, I have no idea what to do in the bloody thing, the few that I have seen of me are simply cringeworthy (yuk) but the wife wasn’t wanting to play, some simple cajoling looked like it was heading towards the invasion of a small country, thankfully the crisis was averted, piccy taken we all got back on with the night and what a night it was simply just what the Dr ordered, a success. So why the title for the blog  (yes the name game is in play) well I stood for over three ours and I was close to tears as I headed back to the car, I didn’t know how I was going to fit in the bloody car, the drive back was enjoyable apart from the state of my knees, we had fun with a capital F, the only downside was that potentially we wouldn’t get food as the takeaways were full of drunken people and we didn’t want to wait with them, so I made sandwiches and chilled and I went to bed before the wife, no surprise there then!

Now this where it gets weird, simply because most mornings I am up out of bed between 4 and 5, this morning the wife asked why I was still in bed, I had no sensible answer, actually I never have a sensible answer, who am I trying to kid, today has been a great day, partially because of the afterglow of last night it did us the world of good, hopefully that shines out from the lines of this blog, more of life, the good life please. Our chores completed (food shopping) and then lunch and then I snoozed, (damn I feel old…..ish) and then I had to attempt to write a blog that was of a joyous occasion, how the hell do you do that, easily very easily as it happens, once again thanks to everybody who made the night such a success, no bullies were drowned in the town, there was no attempt to even to drag their bodies even close to the Tyne, the night was Fab and yes it was spelt with a capitol F.

So, there we go another one written with some ideas for the next one, it could be a “Now hear This” blog as I have been inundated with questions mainly about the blog but also some directed at me, but that’s  for another time, please keep spreading the disease, click like, whatever you guys and girls have been doing because the numbers have been huge, stay safe, stay alive and until the next time ………….Toodles!

 

One last little paragraph for peeps, I write in code and only I actually know the code, suck  it up its not aimed at anybody, its meant to be fun although some adult themes do get covered occasionally, its my version of the night not other peoples versions, there’s would be how the hell do I get away from this boring twunt, easy I have bad knees I cant run after you!

Father to Son.

 

I think this one is going to be a little weird, its based around two similar coincidences, but as always, I’m getting ahead of myself!

This blog probably could be called jealousy (I know I have already used the title) I’m not sorry how my life has gone but I do feel as though I have missed something, but I’m not sure what, what I do know is that my mother did a bloody good job bringing two boys up all on her own with next to no help from anybody, she’s the person that makes me proud!

I do believe I’m the product of my father, at least some of his traits, well at least his hairstyle! a person I haven’t had contact with since Christmas Eve 1973, I have covered some of this in previous blogs, but I have never nailed it to the mast so to speak, when I started this blog I spewed 9000 words like there was never going to be another tomorrow, and a lot of it was way more weird than what this will turn out to be, our family unit simply got on with it, we were two young boys and my mother explored options of going back to the work place after being a stay at home mother for 13 years (remember the days when mothers could stay at home and look after the kids, you didn’t need two wages simply to survive), I know I have covered this part of my life, we all grew thick skins and took revenge on the asshats that made our life hell when it was their turn.

I never really thought about him in my life after he left, he left, he didn’t want to have any connection to his son’s life, like the earth, life moves on, he left when I was 7 and disappeared totally from our lives two years later, Christmas Eve, I know I have written about that night, it’s the main reason why I hate Christmas, so obviously it affected me and I simply didn’t know it had at the time. Life moved on, we did our best, I fought with my brother, he fought with me, we defended each other when we had to! we both had a love of music and by and large we were good kids, we weren’t perfect but we tried our best, I’m sure my brother got up to crap that I didn’t know about, and I know I got up to a ton shit he has no idea about.

School finished, I went in the army I was medically discharged; I came back home with no game plan and no clue about life, the one time in my life I could probably have done with a father he was no where to be seen, or so I thought! We will circle back around to that at some point, I was a drunk, more than likely an arsehole, although that was never my intention, it appeared that my ship was leaking and I simply didn’t even have the skills to pump it out, I met a girl and married her (big mistake) she knew my issues and I honestly believe now that she played on them, got what she wanted then fucked around, was I in the right frame of mind, probably no more than 25% of the time, I tried getting help from the family group, but it would appear that it was a no go area, suck it up buttercup, so I sailed for fresh horizons with my hold still full of issues, again I wasn’t trying to be difficult I simply didn’t have the tools to deal with my issues, thankfully I took my foot off the drinking pedal, that helped, I still drank, boy did I drink, but finally I met the wife and she did all the good things in my life, the leaks were still there but I had an equal I could sound off to, although even in those early days I knew that I could be “difficult” I needn’t have worried the wife soon brought me back to earth!

I had been with the wife nearly two years when she took an interest in family history, she struggled with hers but by and large she found my family quite quickly, I had tried to ask pertinent questions about my mother’s side of the family before I met the wife. I was interested only in my mother’s side of the family, some names I knew, I simply wanted a little more of the back story, I was met with a total wall of silence, my mother simply didn’t wish to discuss it, so when I tried my namesake Uncle, all I got from him was, “what has your mother said”, when I replied “nothing” his reply was “that’s what you will have to make do with”, my jaw simply hit the ground, was my family a set of sleeper agents, I doubt it but it would have been easier to get information from the KGB, I kid you not.

So again I slipped away from my moorings with no further information, and I simply put it to the back of my mind, I was annoyed but being annoyed wasn’t going to win the day, I was honest and told my mother I wasn’t looking for my father, I simply wanted to know about our family, unfortunately we never spoke on the subject again, my brother would simply get angry if I tried broach the subject with him, he was angry that our father had left, my brother is the double of our father, I took after my mothers side, my brother legally had my fathers name removed as he was so pissed off at him, my brother and father shared a fondness for cricket (yawn) and they both played for local teams (not at the same time), at one game someone mentioned that our father was a good bloke and that my brother was the spit of him, my brother had to be dragged away and the first over he bowled against him, the gentleman suffered just a tad, he was sent by ambulance to the local hospital, a broken jaw I believe, my brother was quite good at the game, maybe my brother had bigger issues than me!

My wife wasn’t put off and I decided I wanted to know where my mothers father was buried I knew the church, but him being buried in 1963 the year before I was born, being a Scotsman he refused to pay for a stone, and by the time I took an interest the church yard had fell into disrepair, we found who was looking after the church and we sent off a request for information, I then forgot about it, about 6 weeks later we got a lovely letter from the Curate of the church who gave me a ton of information including his grave site (one of three unmarked graves in the church yard) and loads of information about my mothers family, documents and lots of information we hadn’t asked for, if only it had ended there, the last paragraph detailed my fathers side of the family and where his parents lived, I never met them,  other than his brother who I met once and I knew his sons kind of, my brother was in the same senior school so I suppose he had some kind of interaction what I don’t know and I now have no intention of ever asking!

The last sentence stopped me dead, it said that my grandfather lived with His son Norman until 1986 in his family home, now I knew where that home was, I drove past it everyday for 7 months while I worked for the National Coal Board, at a time when me his youngest son was suffering severe mental stress and could have done with a helping hand, I drove past the house twice a day, nearly twenty years of torment poured out of me and I got just a little drunk and I was as angry as I had ever been, I lashed out at my mother and brother and it was touch and go as to whether the family group would stay together, but they both denied knowing that my father had indeed been there, time healed the rift and it simply was never mentioned again, although I struggled to believe that they didn’t know he was there as my other uncles wife’s family lived around 30 yards away and they knew who my dad was, now something that I thought hadn’t bothered me started to gnaw at my very soul and it would always resurface at my darkest hours, I have no idea why someone who could have some semblance of  relationship with his children wouldn’t, was there something that the family had done to warn him off, I have no idea as the only members of the family I speak to (we are not a big family, there’s a couple of other cousins who choose not to speak to me, they do speak to my brother) is my brother and a cousin and his wife who live in Scunthorpe, the days indeed got darker, it was there and then that the doubts sprouted like weeds, I could pull them out but they would always come back, insidious thoughts deep in the dark!

We got on with life My mother died aged 70 in 2004, and life went on, the weeds came through less but they were still there, and the questions oh so many questions, did he have another family, had he remarried, things that in reality shouldn’t have bothered me did, simply as I imagined him and his new family enjoying Christmas, did he ever think of us his two boys, did he ever think of that Christmas Eve when he sat and watched from a warm pub while his two young sons stood in the dark waiting for him to appear, something he did when a policeman who was walking the beat (remember when they did that) asked me and my brother what we were doing, he turned up out of the nowhere saying he had been held up and he was going to take us home then, maybe my distrust of people started at that moment. What doesn’t help me on Christmas eve is that I live 100 yards from that spot the pub and the telephone box is still there!

Was this when I became a problem, is this when I tried too hard to have friends, I notice a lot of my friends from home have distanced themselves from me, is this the reason, was I difficult? probably, but I would have done anything for them (and I did frequently)  now I can hear you asking what has brought this back to the front of my mind, well the wife has started again picking at the threads of the families, she is still struggling with hers, but again she rattled through mine finding out a little more, and then came the kicker, when we had asked the church about my Poppa (grandfather) in 1993, it turns out that my father was already dead he actually died in 1990, he had been dead over three years by the time we asked.  I don’t know how, I don’t know where he was living, how he was or indeed anything at all about his life, not that he seemed bothered about mine! and now I feel just a little guilty, but why the hell should I?  I found out 31 years after the event that the man was dead, and who knew, I have no clue as to who I should ask, I’m certainly not going to have the conversation with my brother as I don’t wish to fracture the one remaining thread from my family suit, where do I go from here?

I love the family that me and the wife have created, I always tried to be a better dad than I had, I didn’t always succeed, I was a little bit too much a company sergeant major at times, I love my girls so much, thankfully I’m better with the grand kids, hey I wasn’t too bad with the girls but I always felt as though I had let them down. The one thing that haunts me and it’s making me doubt many of the things that I knew, is what I knew was it the truth or was it something that my actual family created and for some reason I was left out of it, I fear that in the future to come it will simply raise more questions than answers.

This was originally just over 9000 words of bile and anger, I hope by the time I publish it will simply be around 2400 words that have been polished into some semblance of order, I’m sitting somewhere between hating everybody who knew their dad and not having a clue what to do, except I do know I am indeed very jealous of those that knew their dads, mine may have been a cock I simply have no information to base it on other than what my family told me, and I’m not sure that I believe their narrative after all of these years, it would appear that I have to sail the seas like the Flying Dutchman filled with doubt and pity, a cargo I would much rather dump overboard and live a happier life, I haven’t so far, so I doubt its going to be fun and high spots from here on in!

And there you have it, my thoughts even if they have heavily redacted, and I’m back once to having an awful lot of sailing metaphors , I’m hoping that that will be a happier parlance than before, to those readers who know my story intimately, love your family even if they are shits, they are your only family, because once they are gone that’s it over and done, no second chances, no release, from all of the things that you have inside you, stay safe, stay alive, until the next one, play nice………..Toodles.

 

I just realised I’m now an officially an orphan!

Vielleicht Das Nächste Mal

My brother is a huge Ritchie Blackmore Fan, I am as well, but not as much as he is, it’s a long story that I wont bore you with here, other than to say it all started with Deep Purple’s Fireball, again it might just get mentioned in the next blog  (9000 words already I need to prune not demolish)I know this blog is late but all will be revealed in the next blog on Sunday, let’s go back to Mr. B, The first Rainbow album was nice but not awesome that came with Rising (still not beaten) and although I did see them on this tour, I didn’t see him with my brother he refused to take me and no amount of pleading would make him change his mind, not to worry I had friends in low places who would let me tag along.

The tour I wanted to see was Down to Earth and nothing short of a miracle could get me into the City Hall, so my friends opted to go in a Transit (with no MOT) and 9 of us crammed in, there had been a spare ticket and I bought it at face value, it was my first venture to Bingley Hall in Stafford, I think my brother was peeved that I was going to see this line up, I loved the gig and thankfully we left as long live rock n roll was finishing and before all night long started (I never did like either single from that album) it was a long drive back from Stafford and it snowed, thankfully I was staying in Durham and went home on the bus the day after, as the Van coasted to a stop outside my mate Mike’s house!

Then the band changed again (no surprise there then) and I couldn’t for love nor money get a ticket for the hall no matter how hard I tried, my brother was going and he lorded it over me, nobody was going to another gig everybody was going to Newcastle, I was gutted, that was until my brother realised that he was on Holiday in Salou at the time of the gig he was crushed, I bought (yes bought) his ticket off him, I could catch a lift off a friend who was going with another school friend it was all good in the hood, we got the bus to the gig but we were being picked up by his mum on the way home.

The gig was great I loved the new singer (Joe Lyn Turner) and  the new drummer, the gig itself was a great show, again I didn’t care much for the singles but hey ho beggars cant be choosers, what made the gig all the more sweeter was my brother was miserable in Salou (he admitted to that many years later) we headed into the centre of town and discovered that both of my mates parents had come pick us up, his mum drove us to outskirts of Newcastle and then his dad took over, like a formula one driver, the thing is it was Friday night so his dad may have had a couple (7) of pints , we all put our seat belts as we approached supersonic speed.

As we approached Rowlands Gill there appeared to be a gorilla, yes you read that right an actual gorilla standing in the middle of the road, my mates dad said and I quote this from 40 + years ago ,” I’m going to have to stop drinking I can see a gorilla” and then he promptly put his foot down, and we all screamed that we could see the same thing as he swerved at the last minute, and as the gorilla took his mask off and was shouting drunken abuse as we passed, if we hadn’t said anything that would have been one dead gorilla, it sort of put a twist on an awesome evening!

My brother came back and pointedly didn’t ask me, but I took great delight in telling how good a gig it was, he got the bootleg of the gig and found fault with most things but again years later he admitted it was a pretty good gig, not as awesome as the Dio or Bonnet line ups but still a great gig! Apologies for this being late (and being short) hopefully all will be revealed in the next blog, and the next one is a serious one, until the next one stay safe and stay alive………………Toodles!