Fools Rush In

Fools Rush In.

The day didn’t start well at all, I had decided to stay up just a little later than normal trying to stay in the wife’s good books, well it didn’t work out that well as I slept in, I’m usually up at 4.30 to be picked up at 5.30 for a 6.00 start and I didn’t get out of bed until 5.18 uurgh! But I still sat my arse in the car for 5.30 with a splash of water on my face and my teeth cleaned and fully dressed but the rest of my routine thrown out the window I was struggling to maintain my composure if things start bad they have a tendency to stay wrong.

My lift although well meaning has a touch of autism and is focused on what he wants to be focused on and sod the world, my arse hadn’t touched down and he was away rabbiting about some formula issue in a spread sheet that had been sent to him the day before, I have to admit I didn’t care and the twenty minute drive was spent wondering if I could bury the body in a field, but I was too tired so he survived for the moment. Part of the journey was spent discussing what I required for next week at work as he sorts out my inspections for me and it helps that he can be “focused” because people usually are glad to see the back of him so agree to whatever he says to them. Of late as he is snowed under as everybody else is with work he has been ringing people and as I was intending to do the retail park there should be 12 units to do but one is undergoing a refit so that’s good for me but that’s still 11 units and my record is 8, a new unit had opened up and we had no contact details so imagine my surprise as he detours into a dark retail park and he leaps out of the car with a torch in hand to see if there were any contact details on the door (see I inspire dedication) by this time I just wanted to get to work and yet he insisted that peering through dark windows (for feck’s sake) I’m surprised somebody didn’t call the police (as if they would get there in time) about the dodgy blokes in the little red car. We finally made it into work (with no contact details) and I scurried away to the sanctuary of a dark quiet management suite (where my new office is) and chilled, well that is until I saw my emails 42 new ones since I left to go home the previous night, now to be honest 28 were cack but I still had to read them in case there was anything pertinent to the coming day.

After a mass deletion session the rest were a bit more serious and required serious study, legal documents and the such like and hopefully I didn’t drop any mistakes like allowing somebody to do some hot works and they only have insurance for up to £1.50 or something silly, my structure soon kicked in and I was back on an even keel even without breakfast ( I had a cunning plan...which didn’t pan out) my last email was to my area manager wanting to know what I had done for the previous four weeks (the cheeky tw@t!) so after I had buried him in all the crap I had done I felt good knowing that he was going to have to take as long as I did to write it to read it! It still felt like big brother watching over me but he’s new so  I suspect he’s just trying to get a grasp on if he can give me anymore work (erm no). I then had to deal with staff not being able to do the simple little things so that took another hour, then on to the control room to sort out work permits and if anybody got abusive (hey I’m trying to help you dumbass!) they were refused, see the pen is mightier than a dumbass being abusive you need me! I certainly don’t need you! so play nice or I won’t allow you back on site you knuckle draggers I have to admit most are canny however if somebody is stressed they can’t resist shouting at the man behind the bullet proof glass! No wonder I’m so tired this was all in the first two hours hot damn I needed some food!

Things moved ever so slightly to the left after that and got just a touch surreal as the course I was meant to write on Monday was still not done as I was still waiting for some relevant information, so I upset the doofus who hadn’t given me the information by informing him that the next time he would be presenting the course himself (I actually thought he was going to burst into tears...but he didn’t) another crisis averted only for me to be told all at the same time I was actually wanted in four different meetings all scheduled at the same time, although nobody had informed me so cue much dashing between rooms giving people information I was stopped in mid sentence to be told that there were some gentlemen from the fire brigade here to see me (oh shit!) at this moment allegedly I had the expression on my face that said “please just shoot me” but I gathered what wits I had left and said hello and answered their questions said my farewells and then finished up with the meetings and I felt at this point I had fought at the Somme!

I then ran into some technology issues ....well alright I was tired and that was the real issue and I still hadn’t eaten and had to start my inspections for the day, my head was spinning and I thought I was starting to lose the plot when all of a sudden the smiling assassin (a person who I wouldn’t trust with anything) turned up all oily and smarmy and to be honest I wasn’t in the mood and well let’s just say I was blunt, so that has the potential to come back and bite me in the butt! (Continued at dontgivearatsass.com)

I set off at a great pace having already had to cancel my first appointment because of all the other stuff over running but I soon got in the swing of things and had some great inspections with some people who were actually interested in doing things right (hoorah) while I was doing my last inspection the fire brigade chaps from before spotted me and hung around trying to get my attention, which I didn’t need as I was dealing with a lunatic who was even more of a loon because of them hanging around so I dealt with that curve ball and then headed back to finish whatever was left on my desk (no fecking chance) and  as I sat down and saw my schedule for next week (ok so Monday and Tuesday only) only to be sent into a panic because of the timings for the retail inspections (not to worry my autistic friend had just left the usual timings on the sheet) once that particular crisis was averted I regained some composure took a deep breath and basically crashed and burned 10 hours of running around without a drink or anything to eat or even a chance to pee (I know just a tad too much information but hey I like to share)  I did what I seem to do best of late I crashed and burned, I tried to answer my phone calls but to no avail at this point the wife rang and asked if I wanted picking up and I gratefully accepted the white flag was run up the flagpole and I ran like hell, or rather (limped) jumped in the car!

To return the good deed as the wife was looking worse than me (she had done 99% of the babysitting for the last four days) I decided to treat her to her tea out and yes I was paying, so we called into the Woodman’s in Whickham and although we waited a wee while for our meal we both enjoyed it I even sprung for a pudding as well so that’s my reputation shot but it was nice just being a couple without anything to worry about anything other than her pinching off my plate, the cheeky mare!

We arrived home and she headed off to see the Kraken and I pottered on at least the dog was happy to see me (as always) but my parcel had finally arrived after an email to ask where it was? a piece of vinyl autographed that I probably have had a few versions kicking around at some point but this was a new “heavy” version weight wise that is, the youngest turned up and we had a chuckle, the wife returned home bearing bile and malice for the good people of our hometown (I’m so glad she can’t buy a bloody gun) me and wife started (and I do stress started) to pack her case (and I do stress only her case) but that soon went out the window and we floated through the rest of the night and I have to admit to munching through 14 tons of food over the course of the night and I feel guilty as I’m at the quacks tomorrow with weight related issues, I actually feel so bloated after the holiday it’s time to get a grip and start to concentrate on it I seem to have strayed from the path especially when I was doing so well as well, ah well one day at a time.

I now hurry to finish this as I started later than expected (and I need my beauty sleep even though I have a slight lie in, in the morning) back to the quacks and some punishment due and another day of madness, a training course fired from the hip and even more people looking at me strange as I carry my little black book around trying to remember everything that happened, so that hopefully I will fulfil my ambition to have yet one more book done god this is so addictive but better than gambling and other oddities that some people do (bless).