Those of you who follow me on the various social media channels will know what's coming with this one, don't worry although it's not a funny rip roaring ride it's not going to be a slide into despair either, read on and enjoy, that's what I try to make you all do when you read these!
My last 5 day week of the year as I get ready to take the remainder of my holiday and lieu time, I'm still going to be manically busy but this week was tiring for all the wrong reasons. Friday dawned and I got up really late, a mad dash to get ready and thankfully the old man of the house didn't stir as I clattered through the downstairs getting ready for my lift, I still made it on time but my morning was so out of kilter I struggled to keep my blood pressure soaring through the roof, medication taken but nothing to eat a poor combination but I got over the hump just before twelve bells, mission accomplished I thought. I as always had to deal an inordinate amount of silly people, I still can't believe how we ever made it to the top of the food chain I swear to god (or whatever religious deity that you happen to believe in this week) people are as dumb as a box of frogs.
A little after midday I noticed that I had missed a call from the wife, so I called her back and she was in bits the call that I had been dreading, today was the day the old man of the house was not well and the wife realised that today was the day, I reassured her that I would be home soon, make the arrangements and we would do the deal together. I stumbled through those last two hours and people sensed I wasn't happy and kept well out of the way, the short journey home was completed in silence, I arrived through the door to see the wife a little bit more composed with the Kraken here to support her but a stranger in the midst of us he looked like our dog but in reality it wasn't he had that far away look in his eye and his hind quarters where quivering from all the struggle of trying to stay upright, the hour arrived and we took that last short/longest journey, the details will be with me to my last day and I have no intention of sharing them, lets just say that he will be missed.
The wife was a wreck and we had so many things that we had planned to do, she had one some tickets to a charity do and I insisted that she go, taking both daughters with her, if she had stayed in the house she would have just sunk below the water not to be raised anytime soon, as soon as she had gone I set about undogging the house, the feeding bowls the blankets any other toys I could find and the long slow task of hovering the house over and over and over again as he had been shedding his summer coat and he hated the hoover so we didn't hoover as much as we should have, we had lived on prayers and whispers for the last year in reality we knew that it was coming but we were in denial, right up until the last minute. by the time she arrived home there was next to nothing remaining ( I know that there will be many items ready to spring out and catch us off guard we will have to deal with them when they raise their ugly head).
The youngest had an audition in Manchester and we said we would take her, another excuse to get out of the house, a friend of the youngest was going as well, so when they arrived just before midnight I hurried to pack the wife off for a couple of hours sleep while I resumed catering corps duties, feeding the kids pizza and making sandwiches for the journey and the long wait in the queue. just before two I gathered the troops and ushered them into the car, a quick stop for petrol and we were away with thankfully little traffic we made good progress the rear passengers soon snoring like little chainsaws, we headed south towards Manchester like we had the law after us.
We nearly got to our destination when the wife declared we needed to hit a rest stop, we pulled into the last services before Manchester left the growling guard dogs in the back, its at this point I realise I'm not at all well, I have a chest infection which I seem to have had for ages but just can't shake it and I have more chance of winning the lottery (yeah right) than actually seeing a doctor! but that's for another blog I escorted the wife to find her coffee fix, what made gasp was the fact that although there was only about seven people in the building, four of them were using the slot machines looking like extras from Shaun of the dead..
We climbed back into the war wagon and arrived at our destination to a sea of dweebs waiting for their chance of glory we threw the kids out so they could claim their spot, while we went and found a parking spot, we headed out to see if they were safe and sound in that caravan of zombies I had been stood with them about ten seconds, when I realised I had been on my feet about twenty four hours I needed to close my eyes and sleeeeeeeeeeep! the snatch's of conversation I was hearing were starting to annoy me I realised I was a fish out of water, the same way that old people were when me and my friends got on the bus "loudly"! I headed back to the car and was soon snoozing like a new born babe only to be disturbed as the wife climbed in beside me (hell I hope it was her) we were soon awake taking supplies to the waiting orphans who were now further compacted in zombie central, food parcel delivered we headed out to see if we could find something to keep us busy, talk about desolation boulevard there was nothing there it's Saturday morning and all we saw were loads of Asian fans having their pictures in front of a certain football ground, as we headed back to the car for more rest and recuperation, thankfully we spotted a Tesco so we body swerved and had a bacon buttie and a cup of tea.
Breakfast over the two visiting Geordie drug taking shoplifters (I saw us in a mirror and yes we did look rough) headed to sort ourselves out, we had attracted the attention of the local security who were mega suspicious why we kept splitting up (I didn't wish to share a toilet cubicle neither did I want to go in search of deodorant ya tosser!) we said our farewells and abused a glass breaking guitarist on the way back to the car, the zombie nation had multiplied I'm glad we got there when we had otherwise we probably would still have been there. sat in the car waiting for our two passengers I was in agony with my chest and my right knee being just about as bad as it's ever been! thankfully we didn't have to wait too long and we collected the two princess's and sped away from the walking dead as fast as the flux capacitor would allow us to, soon there were little patches of snoring from the cheap seats we now had to head back, past columns of the German army (did we not win the war) heading north the same as us.
We only had a few mini adventure like a stupid woman in a Jag who was doing just about everything other than driving her bloody car, cue lots of horn blowing and the wife swearing like the sailor she wishes she was! we missed a pit stop but thought we could make it, only realising that we had dropped a bollock and spent the next thirty seven miles praying for a service station, we coasted in on less vapour fumes than you would in a formula one racing car and then over compensated by filling the car to the gunnels with as much fuel as the car would take. the rest of the journey was uneventful as we dropped off the youngest daughters co companion in crime, only to fall foul of our little tired cherub trying to be witty and she got the wrath of Dad, I felt bad after, but it felt we had the oldest in the car and not the youngest, attitude readjusted we made peace then we all fell out as the wife went into hyper competitiveness for that well know game "yellow car" another game now banned the same as monopoly, damn I thought we would need the united nations!
The youngest dropped off at the Kraken's we entered an empty house and we both realised we were both shattered and would be poor company for our friends, even though a dose of Bucket mania is what we craved, we had some memories to exorcise and we would have been kidding ourselves and avoiding the issue's by heading out. We made our apologies and retreated into our shells on the couch until we sorted ourselves out, at that point I felt the desire to blog to get this out of the way I didn't want to dwell on it, but not before I made bacon butties and had a cup of tea, at this juncture I would like to point out that Tesco's own brand of custard creams is to be quite honest .....totally shocking! there I said it, avoid at all costs! anyhoo enough drivel thanks for the lend of your ears I hope it was as good for you as it has been for me, watch the skies ...incoming.......Toodles!
Dedicated to the Old Man Of The House 1996 - 2013.
Saturday, 16 November 2013
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
All i can do is write about it
It's time to climb back up on this horse I call a blog, I have been avoiding this as I have felt as though I have nothing to write about (nothing new there then). If we are sticking to album analogy's this isn't The Wall (cos I ain't depressed) it's not even my Hysteria as I'm sure there are longer times between my blogs some where in the distant past........I have no album analogy (unusual for me) for this as I have to admit to being stuck for words but anyhoo here we go.....all aboard.
Firstly the numbers have been...................STUPENDOUS! WTF! thank you have made an old man very nervous, I have no idea where I went right, but the numbers are starting to fall off, having said that the old blogs have had 70 hits today alone! I used to be happy when I got that in a week, so I thought I would fall of the edge of the world blog wise and see what happened and the numbers were just steady all the way from the last blog through to here!
So as I sit here listening to the new Fish cd for the 142nd time (yes I know I'm sad but what are you going to do about it I need to keep my self amused somehow and besides it's bloody good!) I have a few doodles but I will keep them for another time I'm literally just dipping my toe back into the water so to speak, life has been what it always is (not very good so lets not go there) the wife is doing way too much for people who wouldn't help her if.... (ah hang on lets not go there either) work has been ....I'm going to go with difficult, yes that's the word to describe it! back to back audits and people losing their minds because they realised that they have been caught with their pants down (ooops come on boys and girls we only had six weeks warning we should have been better prepared), I spent most of my day in diversity and prejudice training today and if I'm honest I enjoyed it, I didn't learn anything new, because it should really be called common sense training and believe it or not I have it in spades (I'm not sure how to use it but I do have tons of common sense). It's really amusing watching everybody watching me because lets just say I'm not the most tactful person in the world hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
The wife did a farcebook jape earlier on in the week, she put as her status that she was pregnant, boy did we laugh at some of the (mainly) positive responses, sorry we have two kids and two grand kids it's time for us to get some life back (nope nothing down that mine shaft today either) really do you lot not know me by now, pregnant! yeah right hahahahaha, the name game as always is in play and it comes from a song I hadn't heard in years by a really great band (that's the only clue you are getting) but as I was leaving work today I got talking to a friend who comes to site occasionally and he had this playing in the back ground and it struck me as being rather poignant, he asked me if I still blogged he has read one or two (he's not a dedicated reader) and the title stuck....whatever!
What does the future hold for us , I'm not sure a lot of spinning plates some cunning plans and a lot of dark clouds hanging on off on the perimeter, we can only go with the flow, I missed my chance to phone and complain to the NHS as the people who will be dealing with me, seem to only work office hours, so I have to get through this full week and hang on (all in my favour) until next week, when I have a couple of days off, when I shall be making a phone call to enquire if they remember who I am in a non sarcastic manner, the elation I felt after making that first step of asking for help has faded, but I have been on my best behaviour since my assessment with my issues being like a muffled off tune radio station off to the left of field!
So that's the plan of attack normal service will be resumed with the next blog, keep the kind (and not so kind) comments coming through, it's my blog I intend to write it the way I feel, but it is nice to know what does or doesn't work, I'm not doing this so that only one man and his caravan can read this out in the Scilly Isles (now there's a road trip...........) I'm a media whore did I not inform you lot of that little fact? so enough of the tripe play nice and if you can't do that play to win! watch the skies.....incoming......until then Toodles!
Firstly the numbers have been...................STUPENDOUS! WTF! thank you have made an old man very nervous, I have no idea where I went right, but the numbers are starting to fall off, having said that the old blogs have had 70 hits today alone! I used to be happy when I got that in a week, so I thought I would fall of the edge of the world blog wise and see what happened and the numbers were just steady all the way from the last blog through to here!
So as I sit here listening to the new Fish cd for the 142nd time (yes I know I'm sad but what are you going to do about it I need to keep my self amused somehow and besides it's bloody good!) I have a few doodles but I will keep them for another time I'm literally just dipping my toe back into the water so to speak, life has been what it always is (not very good so lets not go there) the wife is doing way too much for people who wouldn't help her if.... (ah hang on lets not go there either) work has been ....I'm going to go with difficult, yes that's the word to describe it! back to back audits and people losing their minds because they realised that they have been caught with their pants down (ooops come on boys and girls we only had six weeks warning we should have been better prepared), I spent most of my day in diversity and prejudice training today and if I'm honest I enjoyed it, I didn't learn anything new, because it should really be called common sense training and believe it or not I have it in spades (I'm not sure how to use it but I do have tons of common sense). It's really amusing watching everybody watching me because lets just say I'm not the most tactful person in the world hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
The wife did a farcebook jape earlier on in the week, she put as her status that she was pregnant, boy did we laugh at some of the (mainly) positive responses, sorry we have two kids and two grand kids it's time for us to get some life back (nope nothing down that mine shaft today either) really do you lot not know me by now, pregnant! yeah right hahahahaha, the name game as always is in play and it comes from a song I hadn't heard in years by a really great band (that's the only clue you are getting) but as I was leaving work today I got talking to a friend who comes to site occasionally and he had this playing in the back ground and it struck me as being rather poignant, he asked me if I still blogged he has read one or two (he's not a dedicated reader) and the title stuck....whatever!
What does the future hold for us , I'm not sure a lot of spinning plates some cunning plans and a lot of dark clouds hanging on off on the perimeter, we can only go with the flow, I missed my chance to phone and complain to the NHS as the people who will be dealing with me, seem to only work office hours, so I have to get through this full week and hang on (all in my favour) until next week, when I have a couple of days off, when I shall be making a phone call to enquire if they remember who I am in a non sarcastic manner, the elation I felt after making that first step of asking for help has faded, but I have been on my best behaviour since my assessment with my issues being like a muffled off tune radio station off to the left of field!
So that's the plan of attack normal service will be resumed with the next blog, keep the kind (and not so kind) comments coming through, it's my blog I intend to write it the way I feel, but it is nice to know what does or doesn't work, I'm not doing this so that only one man and his caravan can read this out in the Scilly Isles (now there's a road trip...........) I'm a media whore did I not inform you lot of that little fact? so enough of the tripe play nice and if you can't do that play to win! watch the skies.....incoming......until then Toodles!
Sunday, 3 November 2013
Animals
The question of the day is do I make this blog part of a trilogy or a quadrilogy? Do I keep the Pink Floyd theme going or quit while I'm ahead, the numbers have been astonishing with over 8000 hits for the "We rock" blog "Wish you were here" has done around 150! what makes a good blog and what makes an average one? how did all those Visigoths turn up and read that particular blog? I have no idea, I just have to go with the flow and see what each passing tide brings! I wish I could tell what gives, I have to admit I was always happy with triple digits I never thought I would hit four digits purely as most of the time I'm writing shite, at least I can be consistent!
So onwards with the theme of the day ....drink, friends and funnies! oh and G getting told off just once or twice (allegedly) the week had flowed to it's natural conclusion, lots of work, the wife losing here temper with me, as it was and always is my fault, even though she never does what I ask her to do for the best results to contact me at work, we have a perfectly sorted out way of contacting each other and she as always does what she wants to, cue much shouting and cussing with some gnashing of gums thrown in for good measure all on her behalf, the shouting died down to a dull roar while we did what I didn't want to do, nothing new there then and we headed for home, just in time for the rain to come hammering down, we had been invited to a Halloween party and although the wife had a good idea for her costume ( a number of variations on a theme and damn I thought she looked good) but I had nothing, I did say get me a grey onesie and I would go as a humpback whale, that didn't go down too well, cue much looking online for ideas, all horribly expensive and it was just putting me in a funk of not wanting to go. I'm not that artistic (no I got that one right not autistic!) but I would rather go as a tramp than have something pushed on me, the conversation ended but I knew we would more than likely cross swords with the new morning.
Off to bed but not before a rather large glass of Jack, why because I could, although the home made ice was indeed substandard I struggled on, finally to climb the wooden hill to dream of chasing rabbits and the such like. At 3.50 I was dancing around our bed room like a Russian ballerina with cramp (hello old friend it's been a while where the hell have you been?) when inspiration hit me, I'm fat (go figure) I could wear my Homer Simpson T-shirt where my head is substituted for his, turn me into a zombie with my red Hawaiian shirt and I can be a zombified holiday Homer I had my idea I just then need to get rid of the cramp and collapse back into the bed to the land of nod!
We awoke to even more rain of biblical proportions and we had to head off to a local shop to get the finishing touches for my zombie, I don't think the wife was happy with my choice but when I hit on something I can tend to be a tad stubborn (allegedly) although I don't think I have ever really been stubborn (I mean really stubborn I shall keep my powder dry on that one because I know at some point I will have to unleash my shield of stubbornness at some point) a short jaunt to our new Tesco's for some drinkie poo's and we were set, and still it continued to rain.
As we sorted ourselves out, the old man of the house up to the Kraken's, I got bath bathed and wiped down, the wife looked liked a pirate and I looked like the fat oaf I felt, with white stuff on my head, oh dear. as always not on time but not really late we headed out with our mini ark not really realising how much it had rained with over flowing road drains as they just couldn't cope with the flowing rivers of rainwater, we ducked and dived around floods, me getting annoyed as we were now in danger of being late and I hate being late oh yes I really hate being late, thankfully the further into our journey we went the dryer it got and once through the hell that is (no I can't even bring myself to name it) we able to make time up thanks to the flux capacitor, we were warmly greeted by our hosts, and once gravestones wings and errant pinheads were in place we jumped into a taxi to head off to our final destination, the poor taxi driver got an ear bashing as he kept knocking down E's gravestones (and no that's not a euphuism) we soon got him to a sensible speed but I'm sure he thought he had fallen down the rabbit hole!
Upon arriving we were met by the master vampire of the house, and we were swept of into the crypts, and then in the words of Ozzy Osbourne "let the madness begin" as always please don't assume that you will get a blow by blow account of all the madness, I have already been warned, death threats, being sued and G's manly embrace if I didn't behave myself and curb my journalistic urgings! there was much hilarity drink and thrusting of loins, well that was just one person who actually took his thong off in a food preparation area, thankfully we had all eaten so the last chicken in Sainsbury's joke wasn't deemed appropriate, and thankfully I really didn't wish to see any of the piercings at all (run away run away) the crypt seemed quite quiet as the masters of the house were visiting next door (actually that should read destroying as Loki was indeed living up to his name as he destroyed the kitchen to try and get to us his loving audience) lots of great company, some awesome costumes, next year I will not rely on cramp at stupid o'clock in the morning, I will put some effort in....I'm sure the grey onesie would have been a better choice!
The dogs finally ensconced in their own home, food arrived with just a little bit more inkyhol, the night crept on I received a great compliment, some one thought I was 41 - 42 I was happy that they thought I was that skinny then realised that they meant age wise (WTF) then I knew the drink had really kicked in. The karaoke was by now in full flow and I shrank to the back of the house as much as I wish that I could sing, I'm under no illusion that the Newcastle Evening Chronicle wouldn't employ me to shout Chroniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicle! by now my knees were suffering, so although I appeared to be the shy wallflower (me with my reputation) I was glad of the rest, mind you I was accused of being quiet all night and a certain person was concerned about my well being I always thought I was usually a quiet kind of guy (cough splutter) the party was in full swing and it appeared that everybody was having a great time ....including me (go figure) it was even noted that it was late into the morning we were all having such a great time. Loki took a shine to the stuff on my head and proceeded to lick most of it off, I finally bumped back into the wife who looked flushed and happy , flushed not being a good thing as she crashed and burned about a minute later it's like we were on some internal synchronicity as I turned up just in time to catch her, once we dragged her body outside to cool down, E gathered the troops ready for to head home we said our farewells, but I bet the party headed on way past the dawn patrol, it's a really great feeling seeing people enjoying themselves it really is a tonic for the troops!
Taxi arrived I sat with the corpse bride in the back, the poor driver had to contend not only with a merry G but his pinhead mask as well, at least the gravestones had gone down a treat and we weren't bringing any home with us so he didn't get it in the neck from E, once in the hotel Jagermiester after dragging G in from standing in the middle of the road in full pinhead regalia I'm, sure if anybody saw it they would have tried to run him down (see E you could have had your bed all to yourself and G could have had a hospital one) we all climbed the wooden hill , G getting told off for good measure (I'm sure it's just his comfy blanket, and that he couldn't/wouldn't sleep if he didn't!) a lot of threats were issued (D notice slapped on the rest of this paragraph at the request of Cookie) but I will be honest and tell the truth, the rohipnol (or flunitrazepam to give its official name....I know because I looked it up) that G had been feeding me kicked in and I was soon counting sheep waiting for the onslaught of cramp that never happened (woo hoo).
Dawn broke and we slept on I awoke to find the wife as usual checking to see if I had a pulse so deep was the sleep I was in, the party being over we arose from our slumber and said good morning to the world and our hosts with G being on form as usual although I thought that there was an unusual amount of love in the room when E said she would buy the neighbours house just so that G would be close to her ah bless what next a dual plot at the local cemetery so that G can be kept in check for all eternity....erm maybe not as we climbed into our little car I would have sworn Cookie was back in her/our room giving us the finger big style!
We arrived home and ....well I had to blog didn't I, juices were flowing and I wanted to get this out before I became the morose (I really mean miserable bastard the wife says I am)individual who writes unhappy blogs, anyhoo loads of cunning plans are being developed, another Buckets trip which we will miss Heaven Or Hell (which wasn't cancelled the site just isn't clear about the forthcoming gigs....the bastards) a full day in the town that will be so bloody messy! I will need to get a small book for all the evidence ....I mean sub plots!
Will the numbers continue I have no idea, and if I'm honest I have no idea it was what it was I have no intention of trying to capture lightning in a bottle twice, I can only do what I do and if enough people like it , well we will see I am happy with triple digits hell I was happy with single digits so everything else is all good. a short(ish) week at work then time to regroup and see where we go from here, upwards is the hope. although I am gearing up to kick off with the NHS , although the next chapter of the new book is writing itself at the moment (abandon hope....I wish I could get away from bloody song titles) so there you have it, I hope actually... no I don't.... read do what you may, cunning plans are abound, the Pink Floyd name game ends with this blog as the next one would be The Wall, and do you know what? after a great party last night, I'm not that depressed at the moment, so until the next time Toodles!
So onwards with the theme of the day ....drink, friends and funnies! oh and G getting told off just once or twice (allegedly) the week had flowed to it's natural conclusion, lots of work, the wife losing here temper with me, as it was and always is my fault, even though she never does what I ask her to do for the best results to contact me at work, we have a perfectly sorted out way of contacting each other and she as always does what she wants to, cue much shouting and cussing with some gnashing of gums thrown in for good measure all on her behalf, the shouting died down to a dull roar while we did what I didn't want to do, nothing new there then and we headed for home, just in time for the rain to come hammering down, we had been invited to a Halloween party and although the wife had a good idea for her costume ( a number of variations on a theme and damn I thought she looked good) but I had nothing, I did say get me a grey onesie and I would go as a humpback whale, that didn't go down too well, cue much looking online for ideas, all horribly expensive and it was just putting me in a funk of not wanting to go. I'm not that artistic (no I got that one right not autistic!) but I would rather go as a tramp than have something pushed on me, the conversation ended but I knew we would more than likely cross swords with the new morning.
Off to bed but not before a rather large glass of Jack, why because I could, although the home made ice was indeed substandard I struggled on, finally to climb the wooden hill to dream of chasing rabbits and the such like. At 3.50 I was dancing around our bed room like a Russian ballerina with cramp (hello old friend it's been a while where the hell have you been?) when inspiration hit me, I'm fat (go figure) I could wear my Homer Simpson T-shirt where my head is substituted for his, turn me into a zombie with my red Hawaiian shirt and I can be a zombified holiday Homer I had my idea I just then need to get rid of the cramp and collapse back into the bed to the land of nod!
We awoke to even more rain of biblical proportions and we had to head off to a local shop to get the finishing touches for my zombie, I don't think the wife was happy with my choice but when I hit on something I can tend to be a tad stubborn (allegedly) although I don't think I have ever really been stubborn (I mean really stubborn I shall keep my powder dry on that one because I know at some point I will have to unleash my shield of stubbornness at some point) a short jaunt to our new Tesco's for some drinkie poo's and we were set, and still it continued to rain.
As we sorted ourselves out, the old man of the house up to the Kraken's, I got bath bathed and wiped down, the wife looked liked a pirate and I looked like the fat oaf I felt, with white stuff on my head, oh dear. as always not on time but not really late we headed out with our mini ark not really realising how much it had rained with over flowing road drains as they just couldn't cope with the flowing rivers of rainwater, we ducked and dived around floods, me getting annoyed as we were now in danger of being late and I hate being late oh yes I really hate being late, thankfully the further into our journey we went the dryer it got and once through the hell that is (no I can't even bring myself to name it) we able to make time up thanks to the flux capacitor, we were warmly greeted by our hosts, and once gravestones wings and errant pinheads were in place we jumped into a taxi to head off to our final destination, the poor taxi driver got an ear bashing as he kept knocking down E's gravestones (and no that's not a euphuism) we soon got him to a sensible speed but I'm sure he thought he had fallen down the rabbit hole!
Upon arriving we were met by the master vampire of the house, and we were swept of into the crypts, and then in the words of Ozzy Osbourne "let the madness begin" as always please don't assume that you will get a blow by blow account of all the madness, I have already been warned, death threats, being sued and G's manly embrace if I didn't behave myself and curb my journalistic urgings! there was much hilarity drink and thrusting of loins, well that was just one person who actually took his thong off in a food preparation area, thankfully we had all eaten so the last chicken in Sainsbury's joke wasn't deemed appropriate, and thankfully I really didn't wish to see any of the piercings at all (run away run away) the crypt seemed quite quiet as the masters of the house were visiting next door (actually that should read destroying as Loki was indeed living up to his name as he destroyed the kitchen to try and get to us his loving audience) lots of great company, some awesome costumes, next year I will not rely on cramp at stupid o'clock in the morning, I will put some effort in....I'm sure the grey onesie would have been a better choice!
The dogs finally ensconced in their own home, food arrived with just a little bit more inkyhol, the night crept on I received a great compliment, some one thought I was 41 - 42 I was happy that they thought I was that skinny then realised that they meant age wise (WTF) then I knew the drink had really kicked in. The karaoke was by now in full flow and I shrank to the back of the house as much as I wish that I could sing, I'm under no illusion that the Newcastle Evening Chronicle wouldn't employ me to shout Chroniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicle! by now my knees were suffering, so although I appeared to be the shy wallflower (me with my reputation) I was glad of the rest, mind you I was accused of being quiet all night and a certain person was concerned about my well being I always thought I was usually a quiet kind of guy (cough splutter) the party was in full swing and it appeared that everybody was having a great time ....including me (go figure) it was even noted that it was late into the morning we were all having such a great time. Loki took a shine to the stuff on my head and proceeded to lick most of it off, I finally bumped back into the wife who looked flushed and happy , flushed not being a good thing as she crashed and burned about a minute later it's like we were on some internal synchronicity as I turned up just in time to catch her, once we dragged her body outside to cool down, E gathered the troops ready for to head home we said our farewells, but I bet the party headed on way past the dawn patrol, it's a really great feeling seeing people enjoying themselves it really is a tonic for the troops!
Taxi arrived I sat with the corpse bride in the back, the poor driver had to contend not only with a merry G but his pinhead mask as well, at least the gravestones had gone down a treat and we weren't bringing any home with us so he didn't get it in the neck from E, once in the hotel Jagermiester after dragging G in from standing in the middle of the road in full pinhead regalia I'm, sure if anybody saw it they would have tried to run him down (see E you could have had your bed all to yourself and G could have had a hospital one) we all climbed the wooden hill , G getting told off for good measure (I'm sure it's just his comfy blanket, and that he couldn't/wouldn't sleep if he didn't!) a lot of threats were issued (D notice slapped on the rest of this paragraph at the request of Cookie) but I will be honest and tell the truth, the rohipnol (or flunitrazepam to give its official name....I know because I looked it up) that G had been feeding me kicked in and I was soon counting sheep waiting for the onslaught of cramp that never happened (woo hoo).
Dawn broke and we slept on I awoke to find the wife as usual checking to see if I had a pulse so deep was the sleep I was in, the party being over we arose from our slumber and said good morning to the world and our hosts with G being on form as usual although I thought that there was an unusual amount of love in the room when E said she would buy the neighbours house just so that G would be close to her ah bless what next a dual plot at the local cemetery so that G can be kept in check for all eternity....erm maybe not as we climbed into our little car I would have sworn Cookie was back in her/our room giving us the finger big style!
We arrived home and ....well I had to blog didn't I, juices were flowing and I wanted to get this out before I became the morose (I really mean miserable bastard the wife says I am)individual who writes unhappy blogs, anyhoo loads of cunning plans are being developed, another Buckets trip which we will miss Heaven Or Hell (which wasn't cancelled the site just isn't clear about the forthcoming gigs....the bastards) a full day in the town that will be so bloody messy! I will need to get a small book for all the evidence ....I mean sub plots!
Will the numbers continue I have no idea, and if I'm honest I have no idea it was what it was I have no intention of trying to capture lightning in a bottle twice, I can only do what I do and if enough people like it , well we will see I am happy with triple digits hell I was happy with single digits so everything else is all good. a short(ish) week at work then time to regroup and see where we go from here, upwards is the hope. although I am gearing up to kick off with the NHS , although the next chapter of the new book is writing itself at the moment (abandon hope....I wish I could get away from bloody song titles) so there you have it, I hope actually... no I don't.... read do what you may, cunning plans are abound, the Pink Floyd name game ends with this blog as the next one would be The Wall, and do you know what? after a great party last night, I'm not that depressed at the moment, so until the next time Toodles!
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Wish you were here.
I have no idea what happened? but the last one went all the way up in the stratosphere and is still going, I'm aware I have to get back in the saddle, if I don't the enormity of what has just happened will kill me stone dead ....in a writing kind of way!
If you were to compare the last blog numbers wise, it's my Dark side of the moon, then this will be my Wish you were here, still popular but I know it's not got a chance in hell with what went before it. with the old blog my best numbers were in the region of 470 - 480ish and I was over the moon with that, especially since all of the silliness that went on (please see previous blogs/books)with this blog I was happy when I occasionally hit triple figures, slowly slowly catchee monkey I thought was the order of the day, but right from the off numbers were strong 50 in the first hour (WTF) and then they just kept going, even today we have had over 200 hits (I really do mean WTF) of course I got pulled in and was sucker punched with over a quarter of the hits coming from Germany and a good spread from the rest of the world ( a quick hello to Sven in Denmark, Kristos and Vanessa in Greece, Sunny in South Africa, Pedro in Brazil, Stan, Marc, Luke, Summer, Peter, Christian from the US of A and far too many others to mention, new readers I'm glad you enjoyed the last post, now get cracking there's at least another 185 other ones to read ) I kept coming online to check to see if it had all stopped but nope you buggers kept reading and then some of the old ones started popping up, it's how I know that there were a lot of new readers!
So how do I follow it, I certainly ain't going to something morose, because well I haven't been morose (WTF say all the regular readers) I have had a happy feeling follow me around all week the aftermath of a great weekend (see previous blog.....oh shit you probably have) and all of you lot reading and sending me happy thoughts, I was even happy that Nils got not only the name game right, but he got both of them! good for you mate and there can be no sarcasm because I am just so happy (right about now the wife is calling for an ambulance for me to the funny farm) the bulk of the questions were indeed about the name game, thankfully I just copied and pasted the email(ooops cats out of the bag there then) to explain and over 150 people who tried actually got it right.
Back to work and back to reality, it was as I expected, stressful but that's what work has become, I just put my head down and went for it, I did get a strange look off my main boss when I said I could make a particular annoying person go away, naturally he asked how to do it and as everybody was ducking for cover as I told him "just punch him in the throat" thankfully he saw the funny side, well he did until I told him I meant it hahaha oh dear, at least I'm an equal opportunity hater - I hate every fucker equally! go figure.
The weekend arrived, and with it the fear of what I was going to actually write about in this blog, especially as the numbers just kept going up, I have tried a few things and then binned them as they had no humour in them and they were quite flat if you get my drift, I'm glad I was able to get this posted, I then have to turn my attention back to cunning plans of where we go after this, we have a party to attend next weekend and it will be great to see friends who I haven't seen in what feels like months, and then yet another cunning plan for my birthday but I believe the wife and E have got that sorted (woo hoo) I have a feeling the Lottery is conspiring against me and the wife so that we don't have the funds at our disposal to keep the blogs from being too incendiary, but we shall keep ducking and diving hoping to avoid the strafing aircraft.
My medical problem floats in the back ground like a bad smell (trust me I know all about bad smells) I am now well and truly past the point that they said they would be in touch, so I am off a week on Friday (giving them another fortnight to send up a flare ) and you know what I intend to ring them and ask them politely have they forgotten me? the new book is trailing way behind and will not be published as I hoped as I have barely written a third of it (without treatment how can I write what is supposed to be my personal journey) so watch this space, since taking that first step I have worked some of the stuff out myself (rightly or wrongly I have no idea) and it appears I'm being a little more forceful than usual (primarily at work) I'm thinking this could get interesting.
And I will now stop the inane waffle as G is loose and the villagers are gathering torches and pitchforks and we need to get him back into his bed, before he does too much damage I will take this point to say thank you for all of the new readers and I'm under no illusion that I will ever hit these lofty heights again but you know what I don't care I have done it, if I were to stop now (and no I'm not) I would be a happy man, so watch the skies as I have to get to grips that sometime soon I have to do this all over again, until then Toodles!
If you were to compare the last blog numbers wise, it's my Dark side of the moon, then this will be my Wish you were here, still popular but I know it's not got a chance in hell with what went before it. with the old blog my best numbers were in the region of 470 - 480ish and I was over the moon with that, especially since all of the silliness that went on (please see previous blogs/books)with this blog I was happy when I occasionally hit triple figures, slowly slowly catchee monkey I thought was the order of the day, but right from the off numbers were strong 50 in the first hour (WTF) and then they just kept going, even today we have had over 200 hits (I really do mean WTF) of course I got pulled in and was sucker punched with over a quarter of the hits coming from Germany and a good spread from the rest of the world ( a quick hello to Sven in Denmark, Kristos and Vanessa in Greece, Sunny in South Africa, Pedro in Brazil, Stan, Marc, Luke, Summer, Peter, Christian from the US of A and far too many others to mention, new readers I'm glad you enjoyed the last post, now get cracking there's at least another 185 other ones to read ) I kept coming online to check to see if it had all stopped but nope you buggers kept reading and then some of the old ones started popping up, it's how I know that there were a lot of new readers!
So how do I follow it, I certainly ain't going to something morose, because well I haven't been morose (WTF say all the regular readers) I have had a happy feeling follow me around all week the aftermath of a great weekend (see previous blog.....oh shit you probably have) and all of you lot reading and sending me happy thoughts, I was even happy that Nils got not only the name game right, but he got both of them! good for you mate and there can be no sarcasm because I am just so happy (right about now the wife is calling for an ambulance for me to the funny farm) the bulk of the questions were indeed about the name game, thankfully I just copied and pasted the email(ooops cats out of the bag there then) to explain and over 150 people who tried actually got it right.
Back to work and back to reality, it was as I expected, stressful but that's what work has become, I just put my head down and went for it, I did get a strange look off my main boss when I said I could make a particular annoying person go away, naturally he asked how to do it and as everybody was ducking for cover as I told him "just punch him in the throat" thankfully he saw the funny side, well he did until I told him I meant it hahaha oh dear, at least I'm an equal opportunity hater - I hate every fucker equally! go figure.
The weekend arrived, and with it the fear of what I was going to actually write about in this blog, especially as the numbers just kept going up, I have tried a few things and then binned them as they had no humour in them and they were quite flat if you get my drift, I'm glad I was able to get this posted, I then have to turn my attention back to cunning plans of where we go after this, we have a party to attend next weekend and it will be great to see friends who I haven't seen in what feels like months, and then yet another cunning plan for my birthday but I believe the wife and E have got that sorted (woo hoo) I have a feeling the Lottery is conspiring against me and the wife so that we don't have the funds at our disposal to keep the blogs from being too incendiary, but we shall keep ducking and diving hoping to avoid the strafing aircraft.
My medical problem floats in the back ground like a bad smell (trust me I know all about bad smells) I am now well and truly past the point that they said they would be in touch, so I am off a week on Friday (giving them another fortnight to send up a flare ) and you know what I intend to ring them and ask them politely have they forgotten me? the new book is trailing way behind and will not be published as I hoped as I have barely written a third of it (without treatment how can I write what is supposed to be my personal journey) so watch this space, since taking that first step I have worked some of the stuff out myself (rightly or wrongly I have no idea) and it appears I'm being a little more forceful than usual (primarily at work) I'm thinking this could get interesting.
And I will now stop the inane waffle as G is loose and the villagers are gathering torches and pitchforks and we need to get him back into his bed, before he does too much damage I will take this point to say thank you for all of the new readers and I'm under no illusion that I will ever hit these lofty heights again but you know what I don't care I have done it, if I were to stop now (and no I'm not) I would be a happy man, so watch the skies as I have to get to grips that sometime soon I have to do this all over again, until then Toodles!
Monday, 21 October 2013
We Rock (Anti-social)
So I blogged and you guys (and gals) read it, you knew I was on holiday and you knew I wasn't really bothered, numbers have been on an upward trend for a while so I expected them to level off at some point, they haven't so lets soldier on.
Thursday.
We were off to Firefest in Nottingham we had seen it advertised lots of times just never got around to going to the bloody thing, well for some reason this time we took a chunk out of a bullet and went with the flow in reality this was our annual holiday, we have been kicked a bit financially this year (every fucking year but this year has been the worst) so I booked some holiday and worked my weekend and then entered a state of sloth, in the last blog I said I hadn't left the house, well after the blog I had to, so I could go and get our savings so we could have some drinkie poo's while away! on the way back me and the wife thought it might be a good idea to have sweeties and snacks for the trip so we called into our local Iceland to buy sweeties and stuff, when I was nearly knocked into the ice cream isle with an old dear who had twelve bottles of lucozade and I think she thought I was going to buy the last bottle of her fave brandy (damn I can't wait to be a pensioner) as I dusted my self off the wife got her eye on a bottle of Woo Woo (more like Wee Wee) which we purchased so we could have a tipple or two at our own timescale as opposed to being told by the government when and where we can drink (damn I feel the rebel in me already) . That was the eve of battle, done and dusted we sat and veg'd and didn't really have the early night we had planned, we finally climbed the wooden hill and went to bed.
Friday.
No sooner had I shut my eyes and I was awake again alarms ringing and me dashing downstairs, so that everyone could have the cooked breakfast of their choice, the youngest being the most awkward as she doesn't like anything but she had decided to try something new so I had to experiment (19 and she has decided she likes scrambled eggs...WTF), Bacon sandwich for the wife and me....well I'm a fat bastard so I wanted the works and I didn't enjoy it, I ate it, but I didn't enjoy it, then there was a mad dash for me to carry the bags downstairs (we really needed a team of Sherpa's I mean we were going for three days so that meant three bags......again WTF) sandwiches to make, as I do like to be prepared for a jolly jaunt, and then to get the old man of the house to the kraken's who as normal was rumbling like a volcano, but we avoided an eruption and we were sat by the front door like children being evacuated because of the blitz, I was told my wellies didn't go with my shorts so I actually had to get changed!
Our carriage and companion's arrived, Lady J was driving and her ignorant man servant Ignatius was with her (please don't take offence I always try and change the names to protect the not so innocent and Ignatius is the cleanest word I can think of after some of the names he was called trust me!) we were soon (ok it took 14 men trained in the art of Tetris 16 hours to pack the car) on our way in the fog listening to the sat nav for some strange reason enjoying the fog as we reached the A1, I fed everybody sour sweets and we enjoyed some wonderful insults as we went, as per it wouldn't really be a jolly jaunt with out the wife worried that she hadn't done something (had she locked the front door this time?) but the youngest came home for us on her way to stay at the kraken's, crisis averted we enjoyed the fog (a bit more .....not) on the way down I may even have had a little nana nap on the way to our first pit stop. A quick stretch of the legs and sandwich's consumed we jumped back in to continue on our merry way only after Ignatius had informed us that the toilets were worse than a set of festival chemical loos that were full and had been rolled down a long hill! oh dear I'm so glad I decided to wait, ho hum moving swiftly along we grabbed a place in amongst the fast moving traffic when the youngest decided to ring me as the wife's phone was on silent, it's at this point that I have to explain that my ringtone is an actual police siren and I fear I have to apologise that Lady J decided it was for real and was attempting to pull over at 80 mph erm....sorry it's only me ....oh how we laughed after the thirty two minutes of abuse, on a safer note the front door had been indeed locked!
It was at this point I deflected the abuse from me by informing Lady J that she was actually the responsible adult for the weekend as well as the designated driver, I thought we were going to have to call animal control to calm her down, cue more sour worms and she was soon soothed by the mixture of sour sherbet and jelly (mmmmmm). We finally arrived in Nottingham my first visit in over 22 years and it still looks like it was suffering the aftermath of the blitz, and we felt decidedly out of place as it seemed more like downtown Mogadishu, we were dropped of at our hotel (for safety sake we were kept separated as they only had four fire crews and a full riot squad for the whole of Nottingham) and after some nifty driving Lady J and her man servant waved us farewell as they then proceeded to take a grand tour of Nottingham to travel 700 yards to their hotel (more of which later) they could see it but they couldn't drive to it, by the time they arrived the red carpet had been sent back to the local Christian aid shop and moth rescue centre! By this time I had been gazing out of my hotel window and soon realised there were far too many grown men wearing shorts in October, did they think that they were from the toon?
Again while gazing out the window I saw the president of Mogadishu on three separate mobile phones marching back wards and forwards barking out orders (god knows if they were indeed connected) he could have been just checking on his bitches it was at this moment I realised I was missing G and spent the next hour looking at the sky for Kes, but alas Kes was nowhere to be seen. We soon decamped to a local pub (Tap&Tumbler) and this was to be the base of operations for the weekend and probably the best kept pint I have had all year it was quite delightful!
Now please don't think that this actually going to be an actual review of Firefest, its not, we didn't want to see all of the bands,so we didn't, but me and the wife saw a few more than Lady J and Ignatius, we all had a cunning plan and we were all quite happy with the arrangement, we wandered up to the venue and I found it was a smaller version of the Mayfair that we used to frequent at the weekend in Newcastle, while it was still open, but the heat was oppressive, and a factor for the whole weekend outside it was like a balmy summer afternoon inside it was like a bloody sauna, We got there as Work of art were starting (***) and they were ok the sound wasn't perfect but it really did seem like AOR written to formula, at this point Lady J decided to head back to the pub as it appeared there was a section of the male audience who would stand behind you and sniff your hair, mind you it didn't happen to me, it could have been worse it could have been groinage ...oo-err! Next were W.E.T who were magical, a great band with great songs!(*****) once they finished we headed back to the pub as we weren't interested in the next band and on the way I tried the local botulism in bun establishment and it was quiet nice, I didn't die and it was reasonably priced I wasn't going to grumble (my guts would later but not straight away)!
Dare I really wasn't interested, so we returned to base camp had a quick pint and while the wife's back was turned Lady J bought me a cheeky little one ( I teared up straight away as it felt like I was cheating on G) but it was necked and it tasted divine but because G was on my mind I again started looking for Kes....to no avail. Onto Harem Scarem, a band I love but I was disappointed maybe it was the long day catching up with me the poor sound I don't know but I found it to be ......poor (**) the venue was like a motorway as well, although there was plenty of space to move around if you left a space people jumped in and didn't care (cue angry wife) so maybe that as always took some of the shine off! By now my knees were trying to revolt and I knew that there was going to be handfuls of drugs to get through the weekend (I wasn't wrong) on the way back we thought we would try and locate the local Starbucks for the wife's coffee addiction and we couldn't find it (that's because we were stood with our backs to it (D'oh!). Because we had bought weekend passes we were going to be treated to a free acoustic gig with Carl Dixon of Coney Hatch thankfully we were able to read our tickets as it was for the Saturday night not the Friday we had a quick pint then hit the hay as this old man was whacked and all I wanted to do was sleeeeeeeeeeeeep (I know what a fucking light weight).
Saturday.
The morning came and I was in agony my back my knees a vet probably would have said "he's not worth saving" so lots of painkillers and off for breakfast we went, it appears I was slightly annoying as my wife threatened me with cutting my heart out with a spoon(I don't have one how do you think we paid for this tiny jaunt) so I behaved myself and we had great delight saying good morning to our fellow guests who were of European descent because they didn't know how to respond to a simple "good morning"! a quick soak in the bath to ease my weary bones and this was just day two my aching bones revived we headed out to find Starbucks (D'oh it looks different in daylight ....keep moving and pray they don't notice) while sauntering around town I noticed the return of the bleach blonde male and cowboy boot brigade thankfully only a couple and they were so much older than me (get a fucking grip you nounces....the fashion police has spoken) we met up with the crew in the pub for a quick (ahem) pint (well it would be rude not to) and yomped up to the venue to catch Von groove who were pretty damn good (****) I had waited as long to see them as I had Harem Scarem but Von Groove ticked all of the boxes, next up were Heavens Edge who were one the best bands of the weekend for me (*****) not everybody's cup of tea but they rocked with all the moves and only one ballad which was nice!
Sweat was becoming an issue, so we headed back to get changed and we spied Matthew Kelly having a stress break outside the local "Theatre" once changed we headed back to see Treat who were good but there were some issues, a Vocalist singing while the mike was nowhere near his mouth and the guitarist was having a major strop as he couldn't hear himself (***) we didn't stay as it became boring very quickly, joining up with the rest of the crew we headed for something to eat they took our order and I had some shock horror "Salad" I knew that they were going to use it against me so I released the information to my adoring fan base before the "pap's" broke the story (boy did I take some shit for it) after a loving serving of steak, pork ribs, onion rings and chips oh and a third of the wife's chicken meal I don't think I fared too badly! as we left the heavens opened and it chucked it down cue back to the hotel and another change of clothing! we headed back to the venue for the headlining act Hardline (****) who were good but there was a few issues a few more songs wouldn't have been too bad, as I didn't require a keyboard solo a drum solo or a bass and drum solo in a 70 minute set, they played great were tight and the songs were great but you could have fitted at least another three songs in (tut tut!) went back to the base camp (can you see a pattern developing) for a quick one then off to the wrong hotel for the acoustic set only to be told it was being held at the rock city (GGGGRRRRRRR) the only real fly in the ointment for me.
Carl Dixon (****) and various Canadians were entertaining but we didn't stay for the whole set, as the day had finally caught up with us and the jaunt off to the wrong hotel hadn't helped! we ended up back at base camp had a quick drinkie poo's and then headed back all 41 paces back to our hotel where up in the lift the wife had a mini meltdown and everything was all of my fault, problem solved we cracked on and it was like a twister it comes out of nowhere and fucks off and causes mayhem and destruction elsewhere! we sorted out the issue(s) and enjoyed the rest of the late night although I struggled with technology (nothing new there then) I was able to get online and feel connected to the world, although a few people must of thought I was going to blog as I went, there was never a chance of that happening, too many visits to base camp! we did receive a distress call saying that lady J had been wounded in the line of duty trying to open a bottle of beer ....with a spoon (you have to admire the lady's tenacity) all was soon sorted and I drifted off to the land of nod!
Sunday.
Before we had gone to bed the wife switched the air conditioning on and I awoke with the little green mucus man sat on my chest, not too bad but it was a niggle I didn't want, I'm a big enough cripple with out succumbing to a "cold" we headed downstairs and at this point I decided I hate mobile phones!people constantly fiddle with them ( myself included just not to the degree of others) some obsessively and it's really annoying mmm maybe I should have had a mini meltdown of my own (it appears I'm not allowed) the wife awoke claiming she was sick of Lynryd Skynyrd as she had them playing a song all night in her brain (that smell) I asked if she knew what it was about she did ( I was happy) and I decided to jump in the shower, only to hear the wife ask did I know what happened on this day in 1977 (I admit I took a guess) it was this day that the band crashed and some members died...spooky is not the word. as we left the hotel we were greeted by a member of the hotel saying Morning in that particular sing along way they do in the UK maybe she thought we were foreign because we caught her out by saying good morning back to her! we both were looking for ward to the day, we decided on a little retail therapy, we were soon ensconced in the local Primarni the wife found a few bargains but got annoyed with a Polish lady who couldn't control her bra....I mean children and didn't understand what tut tut meant! I found a great t-shirt but nothing in my size, the male population or should I say the fat male population is not looked after by this particular store, there was another shop closed and to hand called Big and tall shame they didn't do short and dumpy!
I did however find a shop to suit my needs and not only did I buy some t-shirts (which I really didn't want I just wanted the pleasure of buying something) I did buy a hat which I love, which is black maybe I should have bought the olive green one? only time will tell, I do like a hat, but I think I have an odd shaped head and I don't think that I suit the bloody things! We dined with the king (not G) for lunch but my chest was killing me (oh how I have started to fall to bits as I have got old and fat!) the wife started to get agitated as it appears Nottingham is the centre of the Bermuda Triangle, her mobile phone usage was getting problematic (oh dear) we had a quiet afternoon and headed back to base camp, there weren't many bands I wanted to see on the Sunday, a few pints later and we headed up to see Vixen (they are called something else at the moment but hells bells it would take to long to tell you and explain who they were) not my cup of tea but they were.....OK (***) I left halfway to escort lady J back to base camp and I was engaged in conversation by a gentleman from Blyth who had decamped for a cheaper pint, as I got back to the venue the girls must have finished as everybody was streaming out for a stress break, so I snaffled a sneaky botulism bun, which killed me as I scoffed it in five bites, back in place along side the wife for the legends who I will describe one by one, the band were a boat load of Swedish muso's and they were fab graham Bonnet was first up (*****) and he admitted that he was struggling, as he had just had dental surgery! but he was the best singer on the night, I can't believe it's 31 years since I last saw him. Eric Martin (****) with the surprise guest of Bob Catley of magnum was great but I have to admit I was hoping for some solo stuff not a Mr Big set which is exactly what we got, then we got Bobby Kimball (**) a guy who I enjoyed his time with Toto, but tonight sounded like he should have been in Vegas (baby) not bad just not great and shouldn't really have been on the stage, more Mr Bonnet would have been preferred by me and quite a few around me!
The grand finale over we headed back to where there was supposed to be a "surprise" set in basecamp which turned out to be nobody, so we endured an hour with Yahoo's before heading out the door the sneaky burger killing me and the wife rubbed my nose in it by having some chips! we headed back to the hotel away from the ignorant Twunts that had filled base camp and had a chilled relaxed end of the night as we had already done 99% of our packing and I could see the Sherpa's warming up for the impending marathon of bag shifting!
Monday.
The heavens opened and boy did it rain, we were up early to ensure the youngest was up out of bed, we headed down to a nearly deserted breakfast (maybe peeps had stayed in base camp later than we thought) today was the first time I wanted to pig out (but I didn't) obviously happy time was coming to an end I wanted food to make me (un)happy! I was a good boy for once, the wife was attacked by a pot of Kamikaze Jam which dived off the table after she had spewed it's contents all over her toast, we said our farewells and the staff thanked us as they preferred the "rock crowd" to the "Stag & Hen" crowd so that was nice to know. back in the room the wife threw a wobbly but that was down to the heat in the room more than a medical condition (I hope) I was there and she wasn't in any danger. Lady J rang and said she was on her way so we booked out and headed for the hills in some of the worse weather conditions I have seen of late, the one humorous thing that happened (well for us at least) was watching someone stood on their drive getting soaked as a bus took the corner (oops) I know sorry but childish things.
We travelled slowly back and saw a few nasty accidents (mainly arsehole reps in big flash cars) and were thankful to be safe and sound, we arrived home a damn sight quicker than we travelled down to Nottingham (or so it seemed) and said goodbye to our compatriots for the weekend well one of the them, because one of them was a right ignorant....**** (an in joke so please don't ....oh go fuck yourself) and that ends this epic that the site is going to struggle to publish ,Our hotel was wonderful (the Ramada) Lady J and Ignatius suffered at the hands of the Holiday Inn (hopefully I will be allowed to post the letter of complaint in a blog) ah well back to doom and gloom tomorrow, and so back to work, I wonder how many people thought I was in today (hahaha) I hope you enjoyed the blog (not nearly as much as I did doing it participating and writing it!) watch the skies as you never know when the next one will come until then .....Toodles!
Thursday.
We were off to Firefest in Nottingham we had seen it advertised lots of times just never got around to going to the bloody thing, well for some reason this time we took a chunk out of a bullet and went with the flow in reality this was our annual holiday, we have been kicked a bit financially this year (every fucking year but this year has been the worst) so I booked some holiday and worked my weekend and then entered a state of sloth, in the last blog I said I hadn't left the house, well after the blog I had to, so I could go and get our savings so we could have some drinkie poo's while away! on the way back me and the wife thought it might be a good idea to have sweeties and snacks for the trip so we called into our local Iceland to buy sweeties and stuff, when I was nearly knocked into the ice cream isle with an old dear who had twelve bottles of lucozade and I think she thought I was going to buy the last bottle of her fave brandy (damn I can't wait to be a pensioner) as I dusted my self off the wife got her eye on a bottle of Woo Woo (more like Wee Wee) which we purchased so we could have a tipple or two at our own timescale as opposed to being told by the government when and where we can drink (damn I feel the rebel in me already) . That was the eve of battle, done and dusted we sat and veg'd and didn't really have the early night we had planned, we finally climbed the wooden hill and went to bed.
Friday.
No sooner had I shut my eyes and I was awake again alarms ringing and me dashing downstairs, so that everyone could have the cooked breakfast of their choice, the youngest being the most awkward as she doesn't like anything but she had decided to try something new so I had to experiment (19 and she has decided she likes scrambled eggs...WTF), Bacon sandwich for the wife and me....well I'm a fat bastard so I wanted the works and I didn't enjoy it, I ate it, but I didn't enjoy it, then there was a mad dash for me to carry the bags downstairs (we really needed a team of Sherpa's I mean we were going for three days so that meant three bags......again WTF) sandwiches to make, as I do like to be prepared for a jolly jaunt, and then to get the old man of the house to the kraken's who as normal was rumbling like a volcano, but we avoided an eruption and we were sat by the front door like children being evacuated because of the blitz, I was told my wellies didn't go with my shorts so I actually had to get changed!
Our carriage and companion's arrived, Lady J was driving and her ignorant man servant Ignatius was with her (please don't take offence I always try and change the names to protect the not so innocent and Ignatius is the cleanest word I can think of after some of the names he was called trust me!) we were soon (ok it took 14 men trained in the art of Tetris 16 hours to pack the car) on our way in the fog listening to the sat nav for some strange reason enjoying the fog as we reached the A1, I fed everybody sour sweets and we enjoyed some wonderful insults as we went, as per it wouldn't really be a jolly jaunt with out the wife worried that she hadn't done something (had she locked the front door this time?) but the youngest came home for us on her way to stay at the kraken's, crisis averted we enjoyed the fog (a bit more .....not) on the way down I may even have had a little nana nap on the way to our first pit stop. A quick stretch of the legs and sandwich's consumed we jumped back in to continue on our merry way only after Ignatius had informed us that the toilets were worse than a set of festival chemical loos that were full and had been rolled down a long hill! oh dear I'm so glad I decided to wait, ho hum moving swiftly along we grabbed a place in amongst the fast moving traffic when the youngest decided to ring me as the wife's phone was on silent, it's at this point that I have to explain that my ringtone is an actual police siren and I fear I have to apologise that Lady J decided it was for real and was attempting to pull over at 80 mph erm....sorry it's only me ....oh how we laughed after the thirty two minutes of abuse, on a safer note the front door had been indeed locked!
It was at this point I deflected the abuse from me by informing Lady J that she was actually the responsible adult for the weekend as well as the designated driver, I thought we were going to have to call animal control to calm her down, cue more sour worms and she was soon soothed by the mixture of sour sherbet and jelly (mmmmmm). We finally arrived in Nottingham my first visit in over 22 years and it still looks like it was suffering the aftermath of the blitz, and we felt decidedly out of place as it seemed more like downtown Mogadishu, we were dropped of at our hotel (for safety sake we were kept separated as they only had four fire crews and a full riot squad for the whole of Nottingham) and after some nifty driving Lady J and her man servant waved us farewell as they then proceeded to take a grand tour of Nottingham to travel 700 yards to their hotel (more of which later) they could see it but they couldn't drive to it, by the time they arrived the red carpet had been sent back to the local Christian aid shop and moth rescue centre! By this time I had been gazing out of my hotel window and soon realised there were far too many grown men wearing shorts in October, did they think that they were from the toon?
Again while gazing out the window I saw the president of Mogadishu on three separate mobile phones marching back wards and forwards barking out orders (god knows if they were indeed connected) he could have been just checking on his bitches it was at this moment I realised I was missing G and spent the next hour looking at the sky for Kes, but alas Kes was nowhere to be seen. We soon decamped to a local pub (Tap&Tumbler) and this was to be the base of operations for the weekend and probably the best kept pint I have had all year it was quite delightful!
Now please don't think that this actually going to be an actual review of Firefest, its not, we didn't want to see all of the bands,so we didn't, but me and the wife saw a few more than Lady J and Ignatius, we all had a cunning plan and we were all quite happy with the arrangement, we wandered up to the venue and I found it was a smaller version of the Mayfair that we used to frequent at the weekend in Newcastle, while it was still open, but the heat was oppressive, and a factor for the whole weekend outside it was like a balmy summer afternoon inside it was like a bloody sauna, We got there as Work of art were starting (***) and they were ok the sound wasn't perfect but it really did seem like AOR written to formula, at this point Lady J decided to head back to the pub as it appeared there was a section of the male audience who would stand behind you and sniff your hair, mind you it didn't happen to me, it could have been worse it could have been groinage ...oo-err! Next were W.E.T who were magical, a great band with great songs!(*****) once they finished we headed back to the pub as we weren't interested in the next band and on the way I tried the local botulism in bun establishment and it was quiet nice, I didn't die and it was reasonably priced I wasn't going to grumble (my guts would later but not straight away)!
Dare I really wasn't interested, so we returned to base camp had a quick pint and while the wife's back was turned Lady J bought me a cheeky little one ( I teared up straight away as it felt like I was cheating on G) but it was necked and it tasted divine but because G was on my mind I again started looking for Kes....to no avail. Onto Harem Scarem, a band I love but I was disappointed maybe it was the long day catching up with me the poor sound I don't know but I found it to be ......poor (**) the venue was like a motorway as well, although there was plenty of space to move around if you left a space people jumped in and didn't care (cue angry wife) so maybe that as always took some of the shine off! By now my knees were trying to revolt and I knew that there was going to be handfuls of drugs to get through the weekend (I wasn't wrong) on the way back we thought we would try and locate the local Starbucks for the wife's coffee addiction and we couldn't find it (that's because we were stood with our backs to it (D'oh!). Because we had bought weekend passes we were going to be treated to a free acoustic gig with Carl Dixon of Coney Hatch thankfully we were able to read our tickets as it was for the Saturday night not the Friday we had a quick pint then hit the hay as this old man was whacked and all I wanted to do was sleeeeeeeeeeeeep (I know what a fucking light weight).
Saturday.
The morning came and I was in agony my back my knees a vet probably would have said "he's not worth saving" so lots of painkillers and off for breakfast we went, it appears I was slightly annoying as my wife threatened me with cutting my heart out with a spoon(I don't have one how do you think we paid for this tiny jaunt) so I behaved myself and we had great delight saying good morning to our fellow guests who were of European descent because they didn't know how to respond to a simple "good morning"! a quick soak in the bath to ease my weary bones and this was just day two my aching bones revived we headed out to find Starbucks (D'oh it looks different in daylight ....keep moving and pray they don't notice) while sauntering around town I noticed the return of the bleach blonde male and cowboy boot brigade thankfully only a couple and they were so much older than me (get a fucking grip you nounces....the fashion police has spoken) we met up with the crew in the pub for a quick (ahem) pint (well it would be rude not to) and yomped up to the venue to catch Von groove who were pretty damn good (****) I had waited as long to see them as I had Harem Scarem but Von Groove ticked all of the boxes, next up were Heavens Edge who were one the best bands of the weekend for me (*****) not everybody's cup of tea but they rocked with all the moves and only one ballad which was nice!
Sweat was becoming an issue, so we headed back to get changed and we spied Matthew Kelly having a stress break outside the local "Theatre" once changed we headed back to see Treat who were good but there were some issues, a Vocalist singing while the mike was nowhere near his mouth and the guitarist was having a major strop as he couldn't hear himself (***) we didn't stay as it became boring very quickly, joining up with the rest of the crew we headed for something to eat they took our order and I had some shock horror "Salad" I knew that they were going to use it against me so I released the information to my adoring fan base before the "pap's" broke the story (boy did I take some shit for it) after a loving serving of steak, pork ribs, onion rings and chips oh and a third of the wife's chicken meal I don't think I fared too badly! as we left the heavens opened and it chucked it down cue back to the hotel and another change of clothing! we headed back to the venue for the headlining act Hardline (****) who were good but there was a few issues a few more songs wouldn't have been too bad, as I didn't require a keyboard solo a drum solo or a bass and drum solo in a 70 minute set, they played great were tight and the songs were great but you could have fitted at least another three songs in (tut tut!) went back to the base camp (can you see a pattern developing) for a quick one then off to the wrong hotel for the acoustic set only to be told it was being held at the rock city (GGGGRRRRRRR) the only real fly in the ointment for me.
Carl Dixon (****) and various Canadians were entertaining but we didn't stay for the whole set, as the day had finally caught up with us and the jaunt off to the wrong hotel hadn't helped! we ended up back at base camp had a quick drinkie poo's and then headed back all 41 paces back to our hotel where up in the lift the wife had a mini meltdown and everything was all of my fault, problem solved we cracked on and it was like a twister it comes out of nowhere and fucks off and causes mayhem and destruction elsewhere! we sorted out the issue(s) and enjoyed the rest of the late night although I struggled with technology (nothing new there then) I was able to get online and feel connected to the world, although a few people must of thought I was going to blog as I went, there was never a chance of that happening, too many visits to base camp! we did receive a distress call saying that lady J had been wounded in the line of duty trying to open a bottle of beer ....with a spoon (you have to admire the lady's tenacity) all was soon sorted and I drifted off to the land of nod!
Sunday.
Before we had gone to bed the wife switched the air conditioning on and I awoke with the little green mucus man sat on my chest, not too bad but it was a niggle I didn't want, I'm a big enough cripple with out succumbing to a "cold" we headed downstairs and at this point I decided I hate mobile phones!people constantly fiddle with them ( myself included just not to the degree of others) some obsessively and it's really annoying mmm maybe I should have had a mini meltdown of my own (it appears I'm not allowed) the wife awoke claiming she was sick of Lynryd Skynyrd as she had them playing a song all night in her brain (that smell) I asked if she knew what it was about she did ( I was happy) and I decided to jump in the shower, only to hear the wife ask did I know what happened on this day in 1977 (I admit I took a guess) it was this day that the band crashed and some members died...spooky is not the word. as we left the hotel we were greeted by a member of the hotel saying Morning in that particular sing along way they do in the UK maybe she thought we were foreign because we caught her out by saying good morning back to her! we both were looking for ward to the day, we decided on a little retail therapy, we were soon ensconced in the local Primarni the wife found a few bargains but got annoyed with a Polish lady who couldn't control her bra....I mean children and didn't understand what tut tut meant! I found a great t-shirt but nothing in my size, the male population or should I say the fat male population is not looked after by this particular store, there was another shop closed and to hand called Big and tall shame they didn't do short and dumpy!
I did however find a shop to suit my needs and not only did I buy some t-shirts (which I really didn't want I just wanted the pleasure of buying something) I did buy a hat which I love, which is black maybe I should have bought the olive green one? only time will tell, I do like a hat, but I think I have an odd shaped head and I don't think that I suit the bloody things! We dined with the king (not G) for lunch but my chest was killing me (oh how I have started to fall to bits as I have got old and fat!) the wife started to get agitated as it appears Nottingham is the centre of the Bermuda Triangle, her mobile phone usage was getting problematic (oh dear) we had a quiet afternoon and headed back to base camp, there weren't many bands I wanted to see on the Sunday, a few pints later and we headed up to see Vixen (they are called something else at the moment but hells bells it would take to long to tell you and explain who they were) not my cup of tea but they were.....OK (***) I left halfway to escort lady J back to base camp and I was engaged in conversation by a gentleman from Blyth who had decamped for a cheaper pint, as I got back to the venue the girls must have finished as everybody was streaming out for a stress break, so I snaffled a sneaky botulism bun, which killed me as I scoffed it in five bites, back in place along side the wife for the legends who I will describe one by one, the band were a boat load of Swedish muso's and they were fab graham Bonnet was first up (*****) and he admitted that he was struggling, as he had just had dental surgery! but he was the best singer on the night, I can't believe it's 31 years since I last saw him. Eric Martin (****) with the surprise guest of Bob Catley of magnum was great but I have to admit I was hoping for some solo stuff not a Mr Big set which is exactly what we got, then we got Bobby Kimball (**) a guy who I enjoyed his time with Toto, but tonight sounded like he should have been in Vegas (baby) not bad just not great and shouldn't really have been on the stage, more Mr Bonnet would have been preferred by me and quite a few around me!
The grand finale over we headed back to where there was supposed to be a "surprise" set in basecamp which turned out to be nobody, so we endured an hour with Yahoo's before heading out the door the sneaky burger killing me and the wife rubbed my nose in it by having some chips! we headed back to the hotel away from the ignorant Twunts that had filled base camp and had a chilled relaxed end of the night as we had already done 99% of our packing and I could see the Sherpa's warming up for the impending marathon of bag shifting!
Monday.
The heavens opened and boy did it rain, we were up early to ensure the youngest was up out of bed, we headed down to a nearly deserted breakfast (maybe peeps had stayed in base camp later than we thought) today was the first time I wanted to pig out (but I didn't) obviously happy time was coming to an end I wanted food to make me (un)happy! I was a good boy for once, the wife was attacked by a pot of Kamikaze Jam which dived off the table after she had spewed it's contents all over her toast, we said our farewells and the staff thanked us as they preferred the "rock crowd" to the "Stag & Hen" crowd so that was nice to know. back in the room the wife threw a wobbly but that was down to the heat in the room more than a medical condition (I hope) I was there and she wasn't in any danger. Lady J rang and said she was on her way so we booked out and headed for the hills in some of the worse weather conditions I have seen of late, the one humorous thing that happened (well for us at least) was watching someone stood on their drive getting soaked as a bus took the corner (oops) I know sorry but childish things.
We travelled slowly back and saw a few nasty accidents (mainly arsehole reps in big flash cars) and were thankful to be safe and sound, we arrived home a damn sight quicker than we travelled down to Nottingham (or so it seemed) and said goodbye to our compatriots for the weekend well one of the them, because one of them was a right ignorant....**** (an in joke so please don't ....oh go fuck yourself) and that ends this epic that the site is going to struggle to publish ,Our hotel was wonderful (the Ramada) Lady J and Ignatius suffered at the hands of the Holiday Inn (hopefully I will be allowed to post the letter of complaint in a blog) ah well back to doom and gloom tomorrow, and so back to work, I wonder how many people thought I was in today (hahaha) I hope you enjoyed the blog (not nearly as much as I did doing it participating and writing it!) watch the skies as you never know when the next one will come until then .....Toodles!
Thursday, 17 October 2013
Lazy
lazy who me? Actually I don't think I am! I believe I have a very good work ethic, it appears that its being sucked out of me, by battling with one too many demons one too many times, listen to me sounding like an episode of Supernatural!
Something must be not right though, here I am into day four of my holiday and the furthest out of the house I have travelled is three steps into the back yard to empty the bins and then I scurry back in doors, and then only to veg out, a couple of people have tried to engage me in conversation but it appears that I didn't want to! as it actually happens I wasn't at the laptop as they started the conversation so I assumed they had gone (you know who you are) I wasn't deliberately ignoring you I was just trying to adjust to actually not doing work, mind you I have been checking (although not replying) my work email, 172 as of this morning of which about 100 are just people covering their backs and feeding me more info than I can shake a stick at.
Now I don't want people to think "oh oh he's gone nuts again" I haven't, I'm probably the happiest I have been in a long while (yeah I know it ain't going to last but we can try). I have to leave the safe haven of the house at some point as I have an errand to run and its only me who can do it, I need to get myself in the right frame of mind as me and the wife are away this weekend and I certainly want to put my best foot forward as we have both been looking forward to the jaunt all year (in reality this is our annual holiday). we have had a few issues one being the old man of the house not being well, each day is both a blessing and a curse because we are always thinking is this the day?
The other being the eldest and the Kraken nothing serious just wanting attention, and I have no problem with that, I'm used to it but here we are with me on my holiday and me and the wife haven't done a thing, we had a cunning plan to go for a meal at a posh restaurant in town (no not KFC) but the ball wasn't thrown actually the arm wasn't even pulled back to throw, its still there though we can do it later in the month I just wanted to do it this week, we do hardly anything as a couple, that's us being fiscally responsible (yes us with our reputation) ah well never mind only 175 more mortgage payments until I retire!
The one thing I have done this week has been to play the new Fish album, now we all know that he is my favourite musical artist, this album has it's dark moments but not in a negative way and I'm actually listening to it (for the 59th time) as I sit here typing away, I love it, it's such a shame that it will only sell to his selective fan base as its probably one of the best albums ever released, yes I know I'm a fan but for me to ignore all other music just to keep playing it over and over hasn't happened since the last album he did with "that" band! I am so glad that it's not a totally negative album as it probably would have pushed me to closer to being morose and we don't want that do we?
As for the weekend we have cases to pack, and I think that's it, I know where the paperwork and the tickets are, I know this is going to be hard on my knees so painkillers and potentially a fight with the wife for her stick could be in the offing, am I going to blog about this weekend ....me with my reputation ......no, well possibly, possibly not, I have no idea this is just me little old me doing what I don't do very well, I am trying to re-join the human race and hopefully the good company will revive my flagging spirits, I had been hoping that it could have been a gang weekend, it appears wishing and organising it with other people isn't quite the same (oops!) so I will miss all my peeps, but I will try and be on my best behaviour and G I will keep an eye out for Kes!
While in the grips of panic looking for the hotel booking I came across my paperwork for my "ahem" condition, full of you must do this within x amount of days or we will ignore you, the more I look at it, it doesn't fill me with much hope it just seems to be full of roadblocks and anti tank ditches in the vain hopes of derailment, now this probably isn't the case and these professionals have a lot more on their hands than a gloomy middle aged man with issues, but after reaching out for help it doesn't feel like they want to, the letter will arrive tomorrow and it will only give me an eight minute window to sort out the next step in my Indiana Jones like search for treatment, I already feel as though I have exposed my self to unnecessary barbs thinking that I would have been dealt with by now, I'm not expecting a magic wand, but simply by taking that first step I feel so much better already, but I am starting to feel like someone on death row just waiting for a lethal injection!
Am I being a tad melodramatic? probably but I want this particular monkey off my back, my family have put up with enough of my black moods and me being uncommunicative, maybe if I had been a bad person or who knew who to work the system I might have been seen by now, I know that the initial glow of asking for help will soon start to fade and I will return back to my morose (no thank you) self and if offered a hand, I will knock it away, why because that's the very nature of my condition, for fucks sake it took me thirty two years to ask for help!
Anyway that's enough of my gripes as I said at the beginning of this blog I need something to keep my spirits from flagging (this helps but it's a singular kind of thing) I need to interact more I need to have that human contact, I don't want to be a light house out on some rocky bluff I want to be a streetlight in the centre of town interacting with people before its way too late and people think that I really am a nutter, lets see what the weekend brings and I promise to be on my best behaviour (yeah right) so lets go with the flow and lets see if I can venture out into daylight (and pray I don't spontaneous combust) do my chores and have the fab weekend that I know it can be, Ah well off to a brave new world, so until Monday play nice and watch the skies as there will definitely be some rockets burning over no mans land (broadsword calling Danny boy broadsword calling Danny boy....you should get those references!) laters....Toodles!
Something must be not right though, here I am into day four of my holiday and the furthest out of the house I have travelled is three steps into the back yard to empty the bins and then I scurry back in doors, and then only to veg out, a couple of people have tried to engage me in conversation but it appears that I didn't want to! as it actually happens I wasn't at the laptop as they started the conversation so I assumed they had gone (you know who you are) I wasn't deliberately ignoring you I was just trying to adjust to actually not doing work, mind you I have been checking (although not replying) my work email, 172 as of this morning of which about 100 are just people covering their backs and feeding me more info than I can shake a stick at.
Now I don't want people to think "oh oh he's gone nuts again" I haven't, I'm probably the happiest I have been in a long while (yeah I know it ain't going to last but we can try). I have to leave the safe haven of the house at some point as I have an errand to run and its only me who can do it, I need to get myself in the right frame of mind as me and the wife are away this weekend and I certainly want to put my best foot forward as we have both been looking forward to the jaunt all year (in reality this is our annual holiday). we have had a few issues one being the old man of the house not being well, each day is both a blessing and a curse because we are always thinking is this the day?
The other being the eldest and the Kraken nothing serious just wanting attention, and I have no problem with that, I'm used to it but here we are with me on my holiday and me and the wife haven't done a thing, we had a cunning plan to go for a meal at a posh restaurant in town (no not KFC) but the ball wasn't thrown actually the arm wasn't even pulled back to throw, its still there though we can do it later in the month I just wanted to do it this week, we do hardly anything as a couple, that's us being fiscally responsible (yes us with our reputation) ah well never mind only 175 more mortgage payments until I retire!
The one thing I have done this week has been to play the new Fish album, now we all know that he is my favourite musical artist, this album has it's dark moments but not in a negative way and I'm actually listening to it (for the 59th time) as I sit here typing away, I love it, it's such a shame that it will only sell to his selective fan base as its probably one of the best albums ever released, yes I know I'm a fan but for me to ignore all other music just to keep playing it over and over hasn't happened since the last album he did with "that" band! I am so glad that it's not a totally negative album as it probably would have pushed me to closer to being morose and we don't want that do we?
As for the weekend we have cases to pack, and I think that's it, I know where the paperwork and the tickets are, I know this is going to be hard on my knees so painkillers and potentially a fight with the wife for her stick could be in the offing, am I going to blog about this weekend ....me with my reputation ......no, well possibly, possibly not, I have no idea this is just me little old me doing what I don't do very well, I am trying to re-join the human race and hopefully the good company will revive my flagging spirits, I had been hoping that it could have been a gang weekend, it appears wishing and organising it with other people isn't quite the same (oops!) so I will miss all my peeps, but I will try and be on my best behaviour and G I will keep an eye out for Kes!
While in the grips of panic looking for the hotel booking I came across my paperwork for my "ahem" condition, full of you must do this within x amount of days or we will ignore you, the more I look at it, it doesn't fill me with much hope it just seems to be full of roadblocks and anti tank ditches in the vain hopes of derailment, now this probably isn't the case and these professionals have a lot more on their hands than a gloomy middle aged man with issues, but after reaching out for help it doesn't feel like they want to, the letter will arrive tomorrow and it will only give me an eight minute window to sort out the next step in my Indiana Jones like search for treatment, I already feel as though I have exposed my self to unnecessary barbs thinking that I would have been dealt with by now, I'm not expecting a magic wand, but simply by taking that first step I feel so much better already, but I am starting to feel like someone on death row just waiting for a lethal injection!
Am I being a tad melodramatic? probably but I want this particular monkey off my back, my family have put up with enough of my black moods and me being uncommunicative, maybe if I had been a bad person or who knew who to work the system I might have been seen by now, I know that the initial glow of asking for help will soon start to fade and I will return back to my morose (no thank you) self and if offered a hand, I will knock it away, why because that's the very nature of my condition, for fucks sake it took me thirty two years to ask for help!
Anyway that's enough of my gripes as I said at the beginning of this blog I need something to keep my spirits from flagging (this helps but it's a singular kind of thing) I need to interact more I need to have that human contact, I don't want to be a light house out on some rocky bluff I want to be a streetlight in the centre of town interacting with people before its way too late and people think that I really am a nutter, lets see what the weekend brings and I promise to be on my best behaviour (yeah right) so lets go with the flow and lets see if I can venture out into daylight (and pray I don't spontaneous combust) do my chores and have the fab weekend that I know it can be, Ah well off to a brave new world, so until Monday play nice and watch the skies as there will definitely be some rockets burning over no mans land (broadsword calling Danny boy broadsword calling Danny boy....you should get those references!) laters....Toodles!
Monday, 14 October 2013
Crawling from the wreckage
So this is what it's like to be a gentleman of leisure..........
Whenever I have gone through tough times (well in my head they were tough, to somebody else they probably weren't) well meaning (that should read as self righteous bastards) people have informed me that the universe (I'm not going to drag any of the local deities into this, as I have grown accustomed to not receiving death threats) does not throw more at us than we can handle (I do believe the cheese has slid of your cracker!) well I can honestly say I have been having a bit of a rough time of late (32 years and counting but don't worry I'm a happy camper today ....woo hoo) and sure enough that phrase has popped up in more ways than one would normally care for "cheer up" "it might never happen" and not only on my more morose occasions!
After much careful consideration (me with my reputation) I have decided fuck it! as an aphorism (big word of the day - it means a general truth or an astute observation, just in case you were interested) it only makes sense in hindsight (usually said by some tosser standing way back from the wreckage). after I have managed to crawl from said wreckage of whatever calamity the universe has thrown at me, I notice no one ever says it after some poor putz has been hit by a bloody bus (go figure) or if you are being eaten alive (as I am at certain times of monumental stress in my life) by some obscene flesh eating disease (YUK) mind you I suppose (if its happening to somebody other than me) I do suppose the latter could be quite a hoot in the right circumstance of course!
From time to time we all hear " don't worry it will pass soon enough" (will it really!) again I'm aware of these words and the many permutations that are supposed to help, but for some reason they have a tendency to send me over the edge (hahahaha again me with my reputation) and leave me feeling that heartbreak grief and rage are going to come shooting out of me like Kidney Stones on steroids! For someone in a crisis (something I know just a little bit about) I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of life at that moment would be " Love, Sex, Friendship, Art, Play, Beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea (with a smattering of Custard creams) are all well and good but if the universe is going to fuck with you, it will why because it can because it can and it doesn't give a stuff about you and Custard Creams (the bounder!).
Consider the next time you're asked to do some consoling (I must have been sniffing the Ajax again) actually I have just thought if you are relying on me you must be properly fucked up! I recommend that you might try "according to the rules of life losing that gangrenous leg will be humorous at some point in the not too near future" I mean lets be honest it could be worse your house could be burning down or you could be learning on how to be intimate with your fellow cell mate, you really do just have to look at the bigger picture, there is always some one worse off than yourself!
So the first of the week I have a fancy there might just be one or two more in the coming days although I feel wiped out (oooh I must be on holiday) some mental exercise might just be the tonic that I am craving, a few cunning plans hopefully might come to fruition (don't panic we are not going to turn into a marauding horde we might just do something as a couple.....not holding my breath though!) a rest is what I require although I need a hobby of some kind just so I don't vegetate and that's me done, I'm off to listen to the new Fish album for what is the 32nd listen since I got it and it just gets better and better the album quite easily of the last five years its a shame its not going to sell millions I suppose an acquired taste but quite wonderful in it's own wee way!
So play nice and watch the skies I tend not to do lots in one week as it tends to blur the lines for numbers, but you never know, the name game is in play lets see how any get this one my fave single by this Guitarist lets see how many of you get it ....go on you know you want too so until the next time ......Toodles!
Whenever I have gone through tough times (well in my head they were tough, to somebody else they probably weren't) well meaning (that should read as self righteous bastards) people have informed me that the universe (I'm not going to drag any of the local deities into this, as I have grown accustomed to not receiving death threats) does not throw more at us than we can handle (I do believe the cheese has slid of your cracker!) well I can honestly say I have been having a bit of a rough time of late (32 years and counting but don't worry I'm a happy camper today ....woo hoo) and sure enough that phrase has popped up in more ways than one would normally care for "cheer up" "it might never happen" and not only on my more morose occasions!
After much careful consideration (me with my reputation) I have decided fuck it! as an aphorism (big word of the day - it means a general truth or an astute observation, just in case you were interested) it only makes sense in hindsight (usually said by some tosser standing way back from the wreckage). after I have managed to crawl from said wreckage of whatever calamity the universe has thrown at me, I notice no one ever says it after some poor putz has been hit by a bloody bus (go figure) or if you are being eaten alive (as I am at certain times of monumental stress in my life) by some obscene flesh eating disease (YUK) mind you I suppose (if its happening to somebody other than me) I do suppose the latter could be quite a hoot in the right circumstance of course!
From time to time we all hear " don't worry it will pass soon enough" (will it really!) again I'm aware of these words and the many permutations that are supposed to help, but for some reason they have a tendency to send me over the edge (hahahaha again me with my reputation) and leave me feeling that heartbreak grief and rage are going to come shooting out of me like Kidney Stones on steroids! For someone in a crisis (something I know just a little bit about) I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of life at that moment would be " Love, Sex, Friendship, Art, Play, Beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea (with a smattering of Custard creams) are all well and good but if the universe is going to fuck with you, it will why because it can because it can and it doesn't give a stuff about you and Custard Creams (the bounder!).
Consider the next time you're asked to do some consoling (I must have been sniffing the Ajax again) actually I have just thought if you are relying on me you must be properly fucked up! I recommend that you might try "according to the rules of life losing that gangrenous leg will be humorous at some point in the not too near future" I mean lets be honest it could be worse your house could be burning down or you could be learning on how to be intimate with your fellow cell mate, you really do just have to look at the bigger picture, there is always some one worse off than yourself!
So the first of the week I have a fancy there might just be one or two more in the coming days although I feel wiped out (oooh I must be on holiday) some mental exercise might just be the tonic that I am craving, a few cunning plans hopefully might come to fruition (don't panic we are not going to turn into a marauding horde we might just do something as a couple.....not holding my breath though!) a rest is what I require although I need a hobby of some kind just so I don't vegetate and that's me done, I'm off to listen to the new Fish album for what is the 32nd listen since I got it and it just gets better and better the album quite easily of the last five years its a shame its not going to sell millions I suppose an acquired taste but quite wonderful in it's own wee way!
So play nice and watch the skies I tend not to do lots in one week as it tends to blur the lines for numbers, but you never know, the name game is in play lets see how any get this one my fave single by this Guitarist lets see how many of you get it ....go on you know you want too so until the next time ......Toodles!
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