Gravity

I don't care what anybody says, I am not a middle aged man (although as I sit and type this I feel ancient) the middle of something is equidistant from the beginning to the end(and I doubt I will live another 48 years I would like to but I doubt it will happen) I feel a new term should be produced for people of my age but I doubt three quarters man although accurate is likely to catch on.
When people say I look young for my age hahahahaha I look to see if they are still taking a regular dose of methadone (OK so I look about twelve when I shave off my beard and that doesn't happen very often) what they really mean is that I'm not fat or bald(erm) when I see blokes my age fat and bald I feel so relieved,I'm sure that certain parts of my anatomy are starting to defy gravity (I'm sure that my testicles have long since given up the war- well sometimes it seems like they have....ooops TMI again).

Well my waist lets just say I need a Boomerang to put my belt on, sleeping has become way more important than sex(when the hell did that happen......no it's rhetorical I don't want to be embarrassed) I can quite easily dislocate my shoulder simply by brushing my bloody teeth (not joking) if I'm not careful, I doubt I exude testosterone anymore (actually did I ever? - Postcards to the usual address) if anything I probably exude a cunning mix of sweat and flatulence....stunning I'm a real catch hahahaha! When beautiful women look at me actually I think that should read when beautiful women look through me!

I've found I have begun (what do you mean begun) to resent younger men with their arrogance charm, hair,good looks ah what the hell I'm sure you get the picture, I no longer panic about becoming more like my parents I panic that I will stay like them! so that's two in one day and this morning I was in a deep dark place thankfully after  looking after the corpse and chatting to my brother I feel more level headed and not so down in the dumps still feel shattered but there's a sailor turned up by the name of Jerry who is keeping me company and no it's not false hope I waited until I was happy before deciding to use my never ending glass that E & G got me for Christmas (god that seems so long ago) tomorrow will be a day of work and if I have some time some writing feeling better with each word typed bring it on until then watch the skies and I will see you on the other side .....Toodles!