White Heat.

Rome is still burning and some people are still insensitive arseholes, that’s not really a surprise!  I’m not going to blog about that (today) however I will be doing a shorter piece than usual, purely as my head is not exactly in the frame of mind to right something just a tad frivolous.

I’m not in self-imposed exile, but I am on holiday albeit with my works mobile and laptop switched on, the week got decidedly shit for reasons I wont elaborate just yet, lets say that all my attention is supporting the family (loose lips …..usually speaks  the truth) in  my self-imposed exile I will be listening to music non-stop, having already waded through over a dozen albums so far (damn good) thankfully this will help me with my sanity, some small cunning plans coming to fruition, so starting tomorrow  a low profile over the next couple of days.

The blog numbers have been super doper, so all I can simply say is thank you, as it makes this old man rather happy, so as you self-isolate tell all your friends and family to read the previous blogs (as if lol) the name game is in play and no its not Judas Priest! As I am in the list of vulnerable people I intended to do all I can to stay safe, so I hope that you all do the same, this is not a game boys and girls we need everybody to be as safe as possible, don’t just think of yourselves think of your loved ones as well!

Our main cunning plan is gathering traction but we need to get other peeps involved, this will be on hold for the foreseeable future as people (allegedly) self-isolate, but at the moment its all going in a positive direction (forwards) I intend to keep the details intentionally sparse hopefully so that the wheel doesn’t fall off!

So that’s me off my soap box you never know I might simply get inspired to write some historical blogs (OOOOOOOOOOH there’s an idea) but you will simply have to wait to see what comes down the line, now I have  to go and poke the family with a big stick to get them out of bed, admittedly it a stick with a bloody big bacon sandwich on the end of it!

So staff safe look after yourselves, think of others and don’t hoard you nuggets and watch this space as there will be another (better) blog in the next few days……Honest, but until then, and  you really do need to make sure that you all stay safe, all I can say until then ………….Toodles!

View From a Hill.

So as the world goes to hell in a hand basket, I sat on top of a hill today and I chuckled, life is way to short and with so much drama going around, we are puppets dancing to someone’s tune, when you find out whose tune it is will you let me know?

So here I am once more, sat in a vigil in a wilderness of mirrors, watching as the world is going Fugazi.

Holding onto a white feather, dreaming of magpies and rainbows, of a misplaced childhood while clutching at straws and facing the man in the mirror. Weltschmerz....

Its been a strange week, the blog has done good numbers and I have been contemplating my past, trying to decide where I was going with the blog I had a number of paths to choose from, however that was all too change, I bumped quite literally into an old friend, an acquaintance  who at times has been my musical nemesis, someone who pushed me to better myself and did so many good things for me, however he could never stop himself being a dick, he could out Yngwie in all departments musically and  in life, he was always so self-centred, but we were good friends we battered each other verbally all the time , that was just us, innocent fun until, well that will be a blog in itself, we were both in the wrong , varying degrees of macho stupidity and all it did was make friends withdraw into walled compounds and take pot shots at each other during gun boat diplomacy, things that need never have happened, but they did, we mended bridges about twenty years ago but the damage had been done on both sides, we both suffered. We all lost a lot of friends along the way, and we needn’t have!

As did other friends and as I have said it’s a blog I intend to write, it will have to be sooner rather than later as we crossed paths and he is in the final ravages of MS, (he admits to reading the blog and enjoys it) to say I was shocked is an understatement, we were both manly enough to not shed tears, but we understood every single syllable not mentioned or uttered! I’m now starting to feel that I’m a fish being reeled in and its nearly my time to take that last big bite, I have lost so many people close to me in real life, friends who I thought were indestructible, I always knew that we were not, late nights , drinking music and all the things that come with youth, a belief that life will go on what ever happens, the hangovers the girls the break ups, the late night talks walking home because we were skint or had missed last buses, tubes , whatever old wounds resurfaced and then resealed as quickly as they burst forth!

Remembering individual days, personal thoughts personal times, late nights, being belligerent with myself, remembering what a cock I could be, never mind anyone else, the silly things we did, we all did, the dodgy hair, ah it’s, what can I say, it just seems so long ago, maybe it was! the fashion faux paus, the travel, the pubs, the irritating things we did simply because we could, its what friends do to friends, we were oblivious how fast we were travelling down the road and then the crash, the splintering,  we all went to our separate corners with little civility and some down right open hostility mainly on my part, I was more of a blunt weapon in the group, I was never very articulate, maybe because I was the baby of the group, more likely because I was a dick. I would not compromise, I was a mass of contradictions, because of it I missed out on the love and support of my friends, many who probably wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire, things that should have been said but never were! simply we didn’t talk things out like we used to, nobody’s fault, but in reality everybody’s!

I’m sorry to see him in the state he was in, but if I’m being honest I was blank inside, the ship had sailed, too long, the bridge was not fixed as we all thought, I suppose I’m human after all, the world has moved on, I’m still sat on my hill watching what’s happening, we are all just library books with no idea when the due date is, some of us have passed the date and are on borrowed time, damn I’m old how did I get here without noticing, the time has flown by, not in a bad way I have the wife the kids the grand kids we have had good times bad times and some shit times but the time has been spent, friends as well, damn we don’t see people as much as we should, life really is too short, no wonder people think that I’m such a miserable twat, I am getting better honest I am, well I think I am!

So, what was all that rubbish well that’s me being shocked into realising partly because of that brief encounter and the fact that the world is going to hell! I have been overly critical of my life, things that I have had no control of, the blogs that I had planned are being rethought, simply because I now know I need to be as truthful as I can be and not flippant, the majority of you might not know these people but some of you do so therefore, if he reads them who else from my past does, that’s a worrying question with no answer, I have to do the right thing and I know that there is a huge spotlight on me maybe just maybe I can pull the old bridge down and rebuild a better stronger one, not one that gets used on a regular basis, but one that’s there for when my past decides to visit even if its just for a short time, I will bid my time, I will await the prompt!

So there’s the blog enjoy life say sorry say hello don’t be a stranger if you know me, wave as I pass I will try and wave back, I’m still climbing the hill hopefully there’s still away to go until the peak, it’s a bit cloudy at the moment, let’s try and break through to the sun, stay safe stay alive and until the next blog……………Toodles!

Booby Trap.

 I have set myself up for a fall with the last blog, I’m not ready just yet to do a historical blog, I thought I was but boy was I wrong! I cant complain the booby trap was of my own making, it’s not like I make a habit of sticking m my head in the bear trap on a regular basis, well ok so I do!

Work has been at the forefront of my mind this week whether I wanted it to be or not, I didn’t, it did, guess who won, I have struggled with human interaction this week, not in a bad way, I simply didn’t wish to interact, I simply wanted to listen to music and to growl at the world, why? well simply because it seemed like a good idea at the time, I simply wished to growl.

However I had to interact even if I didn’t want to, I wanted to do some much, I did some stuff but as always the wheels have a tendency to come off, I did manage to put cunning plan into motion 90987341211  ( I hope this one bloody works) that was as much human interaction outside of the family that I wanted, sometimes I don’t wish to be an adult, sometimes its forced upon me! Tonight, as I type this, I have some music, some chocolate and some booze, I’m happy, I could be happier but for once I’m not complaining, I know, me with my reputation!

The main reason I don’t wish to interact is that most people are lying scum bags who want to use you but don’t wish to repay the favour, I don’t play well with people these days, nice guys do finish last, I sabotage myself at every turn, mind you that’s probably better than being the angry young man I used to be, life is way too short to let these individuals into my life other than as a fleeting experience, I know who is having the better (not bitter) experience, having said that these individuals are so shallow they have no idea what others think of them!

Music has been my saviour this week, way too many to name, but the newest is the Silverthorne EP, Pete Shoulder from The Union and Brian Tichy from just about everybody!  23 minutes of moody majestic rock I cant wait until the album is released, my mood has been enhanced by all of the music, some good, some very good some bloody awful, but it all helps, a lot of travel on cold plague carriers to and from work, music does help focus on the good things!

The last blog was well received and is still chugging away, its not really a surprise, and for all of the queries of what’s down the road coming, wait and see, when I know, you lot will be informed about it a millisecond after me! The next one will be a little more informed than this one has been, I wanted to stay in a positive state of mind and the couple of historical ones although by and large perfectly benign, I simply felt the need to avoid them, I felt I wasn’t ready to rip the plaster off just yet, so I will stick to playing music and continue to be a nice person (allegedly).

The coming week hopefully will return the stress levels (not that I believe in stress) to normal, that will return me to being the nice guy I think I am, hopefully it will also help me stop growling like a bear with a sore head, some people might get the wrong idea about me, honestly I am nice………honest!

And that’s it for now, not perfect but what is these days and its bloody free so stop moaning, the next one will be along sooner simply as I  know this one won’t have the legs to carry itself for that long, hey I tried, as always I try to be a better person and the blog helps (most of the time) as always thank you for the kind and constructive comments, any others get deleted virtually straight away as I can produce enough negativity into my own life LOL, hey it is what it is, so what the skies for more incoming, I have eaten my chocolate, I don’t really want to drink anything more (I only do big boy measures) but I have a shit load more music to play to help me through my days, some of it is new as well, me with my reputation, who would have thought, until the next time……………Toodles!

Now Hear This. 5.

Later than planned, but work got in the way, here we go the fifth instalment of Now Hear This, a lot of the questions are similar, the replies are not, I had over 400 peeps asking questions, so here we go as honest as I can be, enjoy and then lets move on to the final chapter of the blog as it stands………..INCOMING!

We Want More Books!

Well, yes, no, maybe I haven’t decided and I probably need to sort out my aversion to technology but let’s just say I have a few ideas, it’s a cunning plan, just not a one at the top of my to do list, watch this space………...Maybe!

Knee Jerk Reaction when writing.

I have gotten better, I started doing this to sort out some anger issues, I’m still a work in progress, the fuse is always tinder dry, so I try to keep it away from naked flames LOL

Have you got any ambition left?

Yes, I could elaborate but that would take the fun out of some future plans again watch this space!

Are you happy?

Good days and thankfully less bad ones its not perfect, but I am happier than I have been in a long time, the blog and everybody’s comments have certainly helped.

Depression?

Is not a dirty word (not that it ever was) again I’m a work in progress taking each day as it comes as I have said before, as long as I wake up happy I can usually take what’s thrown at me, I do have bad days, I am not going to lie, it’s called life!

Honesty.

If I can’t write something with honesty, I simply won’t do it, I have standards and believe it or not my standards are ridiculously high!

Drive.

I do have it, but it simply depends on the day, there is times I can write 6 to 7 thousand words (I never claimed that it was all good) there’s times I can barely put a sentence together, these days I go with the flow, this blog should have been done a week ago, work got in the way as well as my health, go figure!

Do you still have the same spark?

Again yes and no, I hope I have improved and by doing that the spark changes, there’s times  I feel the urge to write/blog and sometimes the spark is barely there, one thing I do is I don’t force it, it its not there then I go off and try and find something better to with my time (I usually fail lol).

Music/Historical?

To be honest this is two separate questions but they are linked so here’s the honest answer, yes hopefully, I have a couple brewing that are both musical and historical, a number of you have asked about the plagiarism story ( I started  it in a kiss like judas back in 2013…someone did their homework) and I do feel like I need to close the book on this one, so yeah incoming, the other ones are really personnel so I need to be in a really good place before I go anywhere near them, watch this space!

What’s the next step?

I’m still not sure, I do have some ideas,  I love writing but it doesn’t put food on the table, I do have a following (over 52000 hits last year is pretty damn good I think) I’m not sure that many will want to follow the directions I have plotted (it’s between three) I still have time what ever happens they will not be as often as the blog as it stands!

Cunning Plans?

Always and 99.9% of them usually go adrift, but life would be crap if everything went smoothly!

Family & Friends.

Yes I still have some and yes I still need them, socially we are still in a crap place (work rules all our waking hours and me and the Mrs are very rarely in the same space together) but again see cunning plans, that should explain how my life is at the moment!

Health?

Is shit, worse than its ever been no matter what I try to do, even with me being a good boy, I still lose most nights due to my diabetes and now you can add anaemia to my tales of woe, more medication, I will not go down without a fight!

Numbers?

Are through the roof, and I have no idea why, I thought last year was good this is going to beat it hands down, I’m not as obsessed as I used to be, however if a blog did poorly, I would obsess as to why!

Still Angry?

Yes, but in much shorter bursts, maybe I’m maturing, maybe I just think life’s too short, it is what it is!

Still in Code?

Oh, hell yeah, I am aware that a number of people from my past have started reading and they haven’t tumbled yet as to who I actually am, I haven’t written about them, but they will recognise a couple of people from the Girls blog!

A distinct lack of boats/sailing?

I have made an effort, I’m not always successful, but the boat/sailing analogies are being kept to a minimum…. honest!

Social life?

I am trying and yes, the Tee Hee Club will ride again in some form, please see the family & Friends section, we will try harder this year, the more of a social life we have the more I have to blog about!

Will this really be Toodles?

In this format, I think it will be, I don’t intend to be Frank Sinatra and make comeback after comeback, I’m not saying that I will be gone forever, I still intend to have a presence, but it will be ………ah I will keep my powder dry until we get to blog number 500, but of the three options, I am doing prep work for them all, let’s see if I do a mixture of all three or do I stick to one path, lets just see, as the end draws closer, I’m sure that it will be come as clear as mud…..as always!

There you go, I am honestly trying to be honest and I am working to an end game and a timescale, its not the end its simply a different path,  there will be one more Now Hear This (Blog 499) so if you do actually have a burning question send it in you never know you might get an answer!

So again, thank you for all of the support, watch the skies for incoming, keep spreading the disease (maybe not the best catch phrase for the blog when you consider all that’s going on in the world) but it is what it is, until the next one………………………..Toodles!

I Love it Loud.

Ok so I have seen some bands, I know lots of people have seen a shitload more than me, good for you however I am going to tell you about bands that I have seen or rather had my ears bleed! 

Now there’s a couple of bands that claim to be the loudest bands n the world, trust me they arent not by a long chalk, so let’s go there first and get it out of the way!

Ted Nugent, I have seen him a couple of times and not even in my top twenty loud…...ish and in his later days a bore between songs not as entertaining as in his youth!

Manowar more of the same, all talk and leather pants did I enjoy the gig, yes, I did, but loud erm nope, I have heard louder pub bands!

Talking of pub bands The Flakes who I loved and they should have been huge in various bars in and around Newcastle always loud always great!

Thin Lizzy usually crystal that’s until John Sykes joined the band, that’s all I will say on that matter!

Venom……. actually, I was disappointed, if it was a school report it would have said could do better.

Motorhead I saw a couple of times in the early days loud and clear in the later days loud and distorted it was like they wanted the reputation but not for the right reasons, hey ho that’s my opinion, what the hell do I know.

Holy Cow at Trillian’s how it should be done Loud and crystal Clear!

The Teardrop Explodes loud and sodding awful……bleurgh!

Now let’s do some of the bands that have been loud, usually they have been loud and awesome, crystal clear, and absolute perfection!

Van Morrison yes you read that right a boring gig but bloody loud, I know, I thought that as well!

Jethro Tull again I know the first time at the hall was nearly off into distorted territory, however I saw them in Birmingham and it was so loud it gave me chest pains, not on all of the set just the riff heavy ones.

Yes, always too bloody loud, except the Drama tour which was pretty damn good, I always enjoyed the gigs just didn’t want to be on Chris Squires side.

Europe, on the Prisoners in Paradise tour was sooooooooooo loud great gig just my ears were buzzing for days afterwards.

Gillan it was usually too loud when his voice was shot but crystal clear when he was in good voice (so not often then).

Stanley Clarke, I had gone to the North Sea jazz festival, I saw some awesome bands he was great for the first three songs then he just turned everything to the max, awesome and then aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh everybody ran from the hall with their ears bleeding!

Engelbert Humperdinck, I had a friend playing in his backing band so a group of us went to see him to take the piss, we lasted 6 songs then ran away with all of the old dears sitting there loving him the band were superb but it was simply way too loud for us rock n rollers!

Kiss, were always loud just not excessively, sorry I know its not what you wanted to hear……. WHAT?

The loudest band I have seen to date was Clutch, damn I had ear plugs in and it was crystal clear, but god damn it was loud, bloody brilliant but loud.

Yngwie J Wankstain was ridiculously loud the first time just about everything was pre-recorded, and shockingly awful, the second the rest of the band in the corner with a wall  of Marshalls, so sad that some one with his talent can’t be reigned in, Ripper Owens obviously got paid for every time he mentioned Wankstain Name.

Jellyfish, damn I thought it was AC DC, they learned and got better still awesome gigs!

AC DC were always loud, what can I say, just not as loud as those bloody cannons!

UFO usually had a great sound however I saw them on the mad men tour with Laurence Archer and it was pitiful.

Wasp latter gigs shit sound, first tour loud and proud!

Adam and his ants never saw them at the height of his powers I saw him on the Dirk wears white Sox tour and it was OK, then jump to about 2015/16 and yeh god’s way too loud again more than likely to hide the lack of vocal prowess.

Stiff Little Fingers awesome gig was deaf for days after wards!

TRB awesome gig my ears rang for it seemed like weeks

I saw the Who in London and it might as well have just been John Entwistle, that’s all I heard all night.

Most blues artists too loud to enjoy, they should talk a tab out of Robben Ford’s book loud but perfectly sounding!

It Bites over in Cumbria was way too loud until Francis had a strop and then it was perfect!

Black Sabbath with Ray Gillan again ears were bleeding for no reason! 

The Monkees in London around 1983, at least I think it was they would have given Motorhead a run for their money.

Be Bop Deluxe and Bill Nelson was at the sound engineer all the way through the gig, no wonder he is nearly deaf these days!

Queensryche supporting Judas Priest at the arena loud and horrible.

Richard Marx, I’m sure he was overcompensating for something!

Slade loud every time but cracking gigs!

Blue Oyster Cult…………………. the gods of rock! So loud so proud!

Most of the punk bands I saw back in the day (god I feel old) all except the Stranglers who were always loud, but oh so perfect!

Now there is a lot more that were loud, usually metal bands but hey they were loud for a reason and had a crystal-clear sound, I don’t mind loud, but bands can do it and have it clear like water! Those that do it distorted, well to me that’s just laziness on the sound engineer’s behalf!

There’s the blog slightly late but work pays the bills, so there you go, the last one was OK in numbers but it is what it is, I can live with it, as always thanks to the nice comments get your questions in for the next blog as it’s a “Now Hear This” Blog, so until then ………….Toodles!

Don’t Stop Me Now.

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Bob.

I have a dog his name is Bob, actually it’s not an actual dog, it’s a big black dog that likes to takes bites size chunks out of me whenever he feels like it.

Thankfully he doesn’t show up very often these days, but when he does, he does just as much damage as he can, he has a tendency to take a few forms, but anger and despair are the symptom’s that soon follow, let me explain, I feel I need to. When he shows up, its debilitating, it takes a hold and causes pain, not only to me but usually to people within my orbit, today was the first visit of the year and it caught me unawares, I hate technology, today Bob turned up in a way I hadn’t expected.

A cunning plan had formed the night before, lots of variations of tasks that needed to be carried out, but I thought I had found away to resolve some of my carbon footprint, instead of going to buy tickets at the box office let’s just go online, we had a couple of tasks to sort, this included getting up in a relative early frame of mind (that never bothers me as I’m an early riser, but the wife struggles) we managed just so, I was up before the rest of the clan, I did what I had to do, I then assisted the wife into an upright position, and helped her descend the wooden hill to the land of the living, all the while I was in quite a good frame of mind, the youngest whose idea for the first part of the day was nowhere to be seen, she takes after me and can usually be relied on to get up if there is something to be done, not this morning she was suffering from a bad nights sleep and arrived in our midst looking and behaving like a cast member of the walking dead, not great.

So I moved to cunning plan number 67533, later in the day we were going to travel to the Sage in Gateshead as Blue oyster Cult had announced a date in October, woo hoo, I asked the wife if she fancied buying the tickets online, I was thinking of saving her the thankless task  of travelling all the way for a two minute transaction at the box office, no it’s technology so I tend to let her do it, this morning was not to be our morning, technology was in a huff (computer says no) and I could she was starting to get stressed about it so I simply cancelled the transaction to save her any further annoyance, I wasn’t bothered I was simply trying to save us a journey, five minutes later Bob was sat right next too me and he took a huge chunk out of me!

I then set about all the tasks that I had prepared for myself all the while getting more and more angry the youngest picked up the vibe and simply helped and moved away as soon as she could, I wasn’t angry with her or the wife (who was blissfully unaware) I was angry with Bob! Why did he have to show up, why now of all days, I wanted to have a day with the wife (we don’t get many together because of our shift patterns) I started with the painting I had planned and I attacked it aggressively, once complete I went and had a soak, I was hoping this would clear my mind and brighten my mood, it didn’t, dark thoughts rushed in and clouded my personal sun, I wasn’t going down without a fight, Bob bit me again and again.

By the time I was out of the bath I was punch drunk, but I was still standing waiting for the bell to sound so I could come out swinging one more time, Bob had backed off, I got dressed and once again tumbled down the wooden hill, the youngest waved goodbye as she headed off to work, the wife and I ate our lunch in silence, I soon headed off into my usual food coma if I don’t keep moving, I awoke about an hour later groggy and not really sure where I was, I soon gathered my wits and realised that Bob was still there circling me but keeping a healthy distance, I attacked the rest of my tasks and mood went from being angry to non-committal, thankfully Bob receded from sight he was still there licking his wounds but for once I was the master of my destiny or so as always I assume I am.

Tea was made, the wife was still oblivious frame of mind, as always after a visit I am exhausted mentally and physically, I don’t think that I won the day I simply put up a better defence then I normally do, as always I intend to take my life one day at a time, in reality I should have seen this coming all of the warning signs were there I simply was oblivious to them, or was I, I was a car crash waiting to happen, I’m so glad it happened at home and not at work, that would have been a disaster especially if I  was having a difficult day, I’m quite good at dealing with the many faces of humanity I have to deal with at work, however sarcasm and violent intent would have raised its head I don’t do well with stupid people when Bob comes a calling, he makes me burn brightly especially when the fuse is lit.

My diabetes isn’t helping, and I’m at a loss at what to do as I am trying my best to not only eat the right things but the right amount as well, when Bob is here my head wants to be in the fridge, these are the calling cards he leaves me, warning me of my impending doom, another reason why I rarely drink in the house these days, only when I know I am in a good place, I don’t need alcohol to cloud my judgement I don’t think that’s the right mix for a conducive family atmosphere, hey at least I know it, I’m not an arsehole I do know when I need to behave, I am a better person than I have been at certain points in my life.

Will I get Blue Oyster Cult tickets probably not, simply to punish myself, I feel like I let my guard down and I asked for today, a wasted day when I could have had a better day than we did, unfortunately I am stubborn and quite capable of cutting my nose off to spite myself, I’m really good at it, tomorrow I’m home alone so maybe a brisk walk and some fresh air to clear the stupid out of my head, before anybody panics this is not a cry for help, I’m not in anyway in danger, like I said I am a lot better than I used to be, I’m simply harder on myself than on others, this isn’t a cry for help, simply me relaying what a crap day is like for me, thankfully they are few and far between but they do still happen, I do not control Bob I hope though that he keeps his distance as he realises I’m a stronger person that I used to be, or at least I hope I am!

This is me on track with the blog actually arriving a little bit early, please don’t expect that every time, this has mainly been written out of anger , being angry with myself and Bob, hopefully a good nights sleep (its where I’m going once this is posted) will do me the world of good, I’m not sure but one can only hope, so watch the skies and keep spreading the disease, hopefully I will have a historical (not a hysterical one)blog for the next time but until then……………………..Toodles!