Bob.

I have a dog his name is Bob, actually it’s not an actual dog, it’s a big black dog that likes to takes bites size chunks out of me whenever he feels like it.

Thankfully he doesn’t show up very often these days, but when he does, he does just as much damage as he can, he has a tendency to take a few forms, but anger and despair are the symptom’s that soon follow, let me explain, I feel I need to. When he shows up, its debilitating, it takes a hold and causes pain, not only to me but usually to people within my orbit, today was the first visit of the year and it caught me unawares, I hate technology, today Bob turned up in a way I hadn’t expected.

A cunning plan had formed the night before, lots of variations of tasks that needed to be carried out, but I thought I had found away to resolve some of my carbon footprint, instead of going to buy tickets at the box office let’s just go online, we had a couple of tasks to sort, this included getting up in a relative early frame of mind (that never bothers me as I’m an early riser, but the wife struggles) we managed just so, I was up before the rest of the clan, I did what I had to do, I then assisted the wife into an upright position, and helped her descend the wooden hill to the land of the living, all the while I was in quite a good frame of mind, the youngest whose idea for the first part of the day was nowhere to be seen, she takes after me and can usually be relied on to get up if there is something to be done, not this morning she was suffering from a bad nights sleep and arrived in our midst looking and behaving like a cast member of the walking dead, not great.

So I moved to cunning plan number 67533, later in the day we were going to travel to the Sage in Gateshead as Blue oyster Cult had announced a date in October, woo hoo, I asked the wife if she fancied buying the tickets online, I was thinking of saving her the thankless task  of travelling all the way for a two minute transaction at the box office, no it’s technology so I tend to let her do it, this morning was not to be our morning, technology was in a huff (computer says no) and I could she was starting to get stressed about it so I simply cancelled the transaction to save her any further annoyance, I wasn’t bothered I was simply trying to save us a journey, five minutes later Bob was sat right next too me and he took a huge chunk out of me!

I then set about all the tasks that I had prepared for myself all the while getting more and more angry the youngest picked up the vibe and simply helped and moved away as soon as she could, I wasn’t angry with her or the wife (who was blissfully unaware) I was angry with Bob! Why did he have to show up, why now of all days, I wanted to have a day with the wife (we don’t get many together because of our shift patterns) I started with the painting I had planned and I attacked it aggressively, once complete I went and had a soak, I was hoping this would clear my mind and brighten my mood, it didn’t, dark thoughts rushed in and clouded my personal sun, I wasn’t going down without a fight, Bob bit me again and again.

By the time I was out of the bath I was punch drunk, but I was still standing waiting for the bell to sound so I could come out swinging one more time, Bob had backed off, I got dressed and once again tumbled down the wooden hill, the youngest waved goodbye as she headed off to work, the wife and I ate our lunch in silence, I soon headed off into my usual food coma if I don’t keep moving, I awoke about an hour later groggy and not really sure where I was, I soon gathered my wits and realised that Bob was still there circling me but keeping a healthy distance, I attacked the rest of my tasks and mood went from being angry to non-committal, thankfully Bob receded from sight he was still there licking his wounds but for once I was the master of my destiny or so as always I assume I am.

Tea was made, the wife was still oblivious frame of mind, as always after a visit I am exhausted mentally and physically, I don’t think that I won the day I simply put up a better defence then I normally do, as always I intend to take my life one day at a time, in reality I should have seen this coming all of the warning signs were there I simply was oblivious to them, or was I, I was a car crash waiting to happen, I’m so glad it happened at home and not at work, that would have been a disaster especially if I  was having a difficult day, I’m quite good at dealing with the many faces of humanity I have to deal with at work, however sarcasm and violent intent would have raised its head I don’t do well with stupid people when Bob comes a calling, he makes me burn brightly especially when the fuse is lit.

My diabetes isn’t helping, and I’m at a loss at what to do as I am trying my best to not only eat the right things but the right amount as well, when Bob is here my head wants to be in the fridge, these are the calling cards he leaves me, warning me of my impending doom, another reason why I rarely drink in the house these days, only when I know I am in a good place, I don’t need alcohol to cloud my judgement I don’t think that’s the right mix for a conducive family atmosphere, hey at least I know it, I’m not an arsehole I do know when I need to behave, I am a better person than I have been at certain points in my life.

Will I get Blue Oyster Cult tickets probably not, simply to punish myself, I feel like I let my guard down and I asked for today, a wasted day when I could have had a better day than we did, unfortunately I am stubborn and quite capable of cutting my nose off to spite myself, I’m really good at it, tomorrow I’m home alone so maybe a brisk walk and some fresh air to clear the stupid out of my head, before anybody panics this is not a cry for help, I’m not in anyway in danger, like I said I am a lot better than I used to be, I’m simply harder on myself than on others, this isn’t a cry for help, simply me relaying what a crap day is like for me, thankfully they are few and far between but they do still happen, I do not control Bob I hope though that he keeps his distance as he realises I’m a stronger person that I used to be, or at least I hope I am!

This is me on track with the blog actually arriving a little bit early, please don’t expect that every time, this has mainly been written out of anger , being angry with myself and Bob, hopefully a good nights sleep (its where I’m going once this is posted) will do me the world of good, I’m not sure but one can only hope, so watch the skies and keep spreading the disease, hopefully I will have a historical (not a hysterical one)blog for the next time but until then……………………..Toodles!