Box in my Head.

So once again I’m late again, simply because I disappeared down rabbit holes, (me with my reputation) sorting ideas and trying to formulate a winning formula, so I gave my head a shake, and simply did what I do best, simply write what I do best, from the heart!

My head feels as though its full of boxes, with stuff carefully stacked  inside, although at times it feels like its simply overflowing, if you have seen the dodgy Stephen king adaptation of Dreamcatcher, it works as a book, but is spoilt as a film although the scene where one of the characters is trying to protect his memories from the (surprise) alien monster! Well that’s what my head is like (isn’t it Jonesy?) and that’s just in my waking moments!

I have been having surreal cinemascope technicolour dreams, something I haven’t had in a number of years, from the age of 17 through to the age of 53 I simply relived the bloody incident that happened when I was in the army, it haunted me, same six minutes over and over again waking and asleep all day every day, no wonder at times I was a headcase, then I did a CBT course (please see the older blogs) then all of a sudden something clicked, the course did what it was supposed to, it actually helped, no  I wasn’t fixed 100% but I am better so much better, don’t believe me ask the wife, but then it was like the dam broke and I started having really vivid dreams and usually with people who I know, in settings that are familiar but slightly off!

Now don’t panic there is nothing overtly sexual in anyway, they are always slightly twin peaks kind of style, some of these people are people who I haven’t seen in over 25 years, sometimes simply weird and slightly psychedelic, I mean last night I shot someone because there was three of us and we only had a two set sports car (and I really like the person who I shot damn I was mortified) and when I tried to get rid of the body it simply turned into a farce of carry on proportions, what the hell was  that all about, and then my old boss who I haven’t seen in over seven years was telling where I was going wrong and how he would do it. Then I went back to work and everybody knew I had killed someone, but they carried on as if it was something that I did in a regular sort of way am I my works Dexter?

What freaks me out is that they are so real that they are with me when I wake up, then its like someone pulls the plug like a bath it fades away down a plug hole and I simply can’t remember a damn thing, I only remember my dream from last night because I wrote it down as soon as I awoke this  morning. I panic that I have the start of Alzheimer’s simply because they fade so quickly, now I know that dreams are supposed to do that but sometimes its freaky.

Is it because I am not used to dreaming, maybe I need a dream doctor, I mean I sleep fine these days (that’s if 5 hours a night is fine) sometimes they are exhausting, like running a marathon and never getting to the finish line, I mean it’s there I just never get any closer to getting over the damn thing,  no I don’t want to go back to what I had before, but I simply awake confused and sometimes ever so dazed! Its no good for a man of my age, god I feel old.

A short and slightly weird one this time around, but I felt inclined to get it out there, and maybe the one I had planned will be up next, I am off this week with hopefully a trip away  at the end of it, I need a break, work has got me literally on my knees I am mentally and physically shattered, it’s a long time since I have felt like this, so there’s the blog, enjoy the week and watch the skies for incoming, you never know I might get the urge to write again and again and well you get the picture so until the next time you know what I am going to say, take care and stay alive but until then………………Toodles!