Wasted.

 As per usual the blog has taken a different slant, there were loads of different versions until I got to this one, I’m hoping that it will be a tad better than the pile of bile that I was intending to post (oops) make your self comfortable this one has the potential to be long and it may go off piste at some point!

The blog  is going to be in reverse as I had been taking notes and trying to get a line on my (sanity) thoughts of the week, I will admit it wasn’t looking lite it was going to be a happy blog, thankfully at some point yesterday a switch was thrown and I intend to be as truthful and take this from a dark place to somewhere slightly happier, lets see what we can do. The blog was originally called dark days in paradise, but I started thinking I needed to make sure I didn’t do two blogs inspired by the same artist (for titles) and I didn’t really want to give the game away too early (is the second paragraph late enough I have no idea).

I have to say beware  of the dog as Bob surfaced late last Sunday (back off Bob), I was at work and the day was not going well, I was drowning not waving, I was in a such a foul mood, I have no idea why I was short with people and generally grumpy (I know me with my reputation) peeps were great they just thought I was grumpy because I was going to miss work, as I started 7 days holiday (erm no) to be honest I wasn’t looking forward to them at all (Bob) I had lost interest in the numbers the blogs were doing (not a good sign) then on Monday me and the wife had a shouting match, actually we didn’t I did, I lost my shit over nothing I was simply trying to prove a point that I wasn’t bothered about something, and she kept poking me with a stick, volume button raised all  the way up to eleven, WTF! To say that the beginning of the holiday was wasted was an understatement.

That was not how I wanted the week to start, the wife has had a couple of bad weeks and I was honestly trying to be more supportive, it didn’t work, and for once I couldn’t bring myself to apologise so I did what I do best, I hid in the back room with my head phones on, thankfully we both realised I was a dick and like the world, we moved on. I was still as cuddly as a porcupine, and it was bugging me, I have no idea what was dragging me down into the dark pit that I was heading to (Bob) I headed off to food land and was generally still unhappy with what I was cooking (for everybody) and what I was eating, I was eating way too much (junk) when food didn’t help I spent money (that thankfully I had) but it didn’t help, I was a much better boy than I had been, but nothing seemed to help, at least I didn’t buy anymore music, I’m still going through the last lot I got!

At all points dark thoughts were there bubbling away, my health was better, but it kept flaring up as if to remind me that all is not well, thankfully I received a couple of letters one saying not to worry my bloods were clear, I need to phone to speak to a doctor to get the actual results, but the day before I got a letter saying I had to go for further testing at my (thankfully) local hospital so I’m taking it as a good thing bad thing, I’m clear of all the nasties that they thought I might have had, so now its time to delve deeper into the body, I am not looking forward to an of that, it is however a necessary evil, I am hoping that at least we will get a better understanding, because its not helping with my general demeanour!

I have also been so damn lethargic, my sleeping keeps getting disturbed as the wife has added snoring to her repertoire, but my dreams have also been so damn weird, I keep dreaming of where I lived as a teenager and there’s a Russian gangster (don’t ask me how I know he is Russian I have no interaction he is simply following me) following me and I am so drunk, Ronnie James Dio keeps popping out of what used to be the local post office to tell me that everything will be fine (WTF) I need to talk to a dream whisperer to have it all explained, I have no idea why these people or places are intertwined, please I don’t want any thoughts from any of you dream weavers to help me, my brains are scattered at the best!

I haven’t enjoyed the process of writing, like I would normally, but I have had at least managed a couple of sessions, some serious blitzing going on, but were as it normally elevates my dopamine levels I simply haven’t had any luck until yesterday morning when the switch was flicked (damn there’s another song title I could have used) there is literally around 20 blogs to go until the big change, so I need to keep my shit together, I am anticipating a huge drop in numbers as some of you are only happy when I am unhappy (I hope you like this one LOL) once I get this one out I will be making notes but its highly unlikely that there will be another one in the next seven days as I go back to a long list of shifts, hopefully there  is light at the end of the tunnel!

I have also been suffering quite badly from tinnitus at the back end of the week (touch wood it has receded) I know that it wont have helped my mood, I’m so glad I didn’t have it at the start of the week that really would have been a topper, don’t worry I won’t bite anyone, just yet, thankfully I dragged the wife out of the house and we did some shopping (again just me spending money) a few stores then our local farm shop where I could have gone bat shit crazy (the secret is too go at the end of the day when there is not the full spread) there was still enough of a spread to spend £20, but hey ho I’m worth it! Then off to our local reservoir for the wife a milk shake and me to have a dirty dog which was nice but because of the wind (not me for once) cooled it down way too quickly so I left about a third of it, that set my stomach off with the burping again, I was determined not to let it beat me!

I’m not sure how the family have put up with me this week, what with me being grumpy, grouchy and shouty, its not a great combination thankfully I was only shouty one day, maybe I’m going through the male menopause, I mean I am old, I was also hot and sweaty at various points, all uncalled for and not at all expected at all, food wise I can’t put my finger on anything, but the waves of nausea  are wiping me out the burping is annoying enough and thankfully the wind from my arse is down to a force four, I did enjoy a digital holiday of sorts, although I don’t think I was really missed by anybody, again I’m putting this in the mix for the state of my mood! Although I did try to remain positive(lots of music) I generally failed, although I was confined to bed for most of yesterday, I did as I was ordered and did feel all the better for it, until yesterday maybe the sleep helped flick that switch, typical full of positivity on my last two days!

So, there you go again not the blog that was being planned I still have lots of plans to sort out and I promise (honestly) the next one will be a musical historical one, I know there are plenty of you out there who are just a  little interested in bands that I have seen, I intend to do a musical montage of bands that I have seen over the years, as I could quite easily do 500 blogs on live gigs I have seen over the years……..now there’s an idea (nope not going to happen I struggle to remember the day before, never mind years ago) I always expect a barrage of abuse when I do a historical one from people who were there at the time, saying “that’s not what happened” thankfully so far they haven’t and I know a few of them do read the ramblings of this old man. So watch the skies, it probably will be a while before the next one, so if you are in the mood, why not try some of the original ones from back in the day, they could do with a read, it’s not like I get paid if you read them and some of them are damn good (that’s not me saying that but people who have actually read them) stay safe stay alive, watch the skies for incoming, but until then keep your powder dry and as always I will say…………Toodles!