Pyscho Blues

Ok this was just too good a chance to miss, I think this is funny stick with me, lets see if any of you lot agree?

I did the last blog and it was like I had swallowed a big book of words (I'm not falling for that trick again) I felt like shit, but it had to be done so I manned up and babbled for a few paragraphs, now numbers wise it did ok but I'm a man on a mission so lets see what we can do with this little beauty!

So we all know I was a little under the weather I wasn't in full blown man flu alert mode, but I was a little down, thankfully I had a week on the plague carrier so I knew I had the potential for some fun. I loaded up the MP 3 player with some new tunes as I had played the arse off the two Bowes Morley albums and I really fancied a change, I also thought I would mix it up in the plague carrier stakes my usual victims, I mean fellow passengers had got used to me playing bus seat bingo, so I decided it was time to move onto pastures new, I decided to get a different Plague Carrier, same route just a different time they had messed about with the time tables so I thought why the hell not lets live a little!

So Plague Carrier chosen I was a little disappointed that nobody got on with me as I get on at the first stop, so I had a fresh bus to choose from, I did the sophisticated one potato two potato selection system and plumped for a seat in  the middle of said plague carrier, second stop nobody got on, this is boring, third stop finally young guy gets on and is pissed straight away that I'm in his seat but he just glares and then sits behind me, next stop a few people get on nothing untoward, potentially fresh victims for the rest of the week, lets see where they sit, bottom of the hill and then this shaved mammoth gets on and I thought she was going to stroke out big time she pays her fare then notices horror of horror someone is in her seat yep the guy behind me and I can feeling him getting tense, I dial the volume down on the music (Diamond Head Borrowed Time if you could be that interested!) she waddles actually she looked like a bloody walrus  that had been defanged, and then she muttered the immortal phrase "you're in my spot" WTF really (if you watch The Big Bang Theory you will get the reference straight away) the guy chose (unwisely)  to ignore this towering tub of lard to which she repeated the retort, now by this time I had positioned myself so I could see all  of the action in the drivers mirror, cool as cucumber he replies "there's a reason it's called public transport"  wallop straight out the park, she had no comeback hilarious, she gulped a few times well I think she did as her many chins flapped for the rest of the journey, if you had shot her dog then buried her grand parents alive with said dog you can just imagine how upset she was. Oh goody I know my victim is the next time I get this bus!

Coming home is not so much fun as it's usually full and its pot luck to where you can get in, if your lucky you get a double decker and can sit up on high and enjoy the view, still feeling like shit I made the silly mistake of actually running (cough splutter) for the bus as it was in, a vet would have put me down as it must have been comical to see this fat slug run (again cough splutter) but I made it and sat in the smallest seat on the bus ....oh and I lost a shoe it's ok I got it back but I wasn't so happy going home as I had been coming to work (the return journey was powered by the magic of Pat Travers....Makin Magic), I was duty dog the next day so I could chill and relax and have a little lie in, the man flu had passed, but I felt like I had a little mucus monkey sat on my chest, but other than that I felt pretty good, you can't really play bus seat bingo because the Plague Carrier is usually full of pissed up pensioners who have been to the local Spoons for breakfast and a pint (or two) I listened to Fish Sunsets on Empire as I hate the shift and wanted to be in an appropriate mood, I was still suffering and my Ebola was so bad I not only didn't I notice a friend get on the bus I didn't see them get off (ooops sorry Neil).  Work was work and the Mrs and the youngest picked me up (and yes I was grateful), a quick return to work and the day from hell promised with the coming morning, a world record number of inspections to do, it might be hell but I was going to have some fun first with a capital F!

So I was awake before my alarms this morning for some strange reason I was excited (I know it's the littlest of things) I put the bin out and shuffled off to Buffalo (well the bus station but you get the point) same as Monday nobody there, I had the choice of my seat, nope I didn't need my complicated selection choice, I knew exactly where I was going to sit my cute little butt, at the appointed stop the young guy got on and smiled because he knew what I was doing, he was slightly bigger build to me so I hunkered down behind him and people got on, I sorted my music out  I had decided on the wonderfully cheery Accidently On Purpose by the equally cheery Charlotte Yanni, cranked up the volume and waited! at the bottom of the hill lo and be hold there she blows she gets on and seems happy, all is good with the world, Monday was simply something that had been a fever dream, best forgotten, she then starts to shuffle up the bus and her joy turns to horror as she sees little old me "in her spot" my little cherubic face smiling  up at her, she decided to have a go (really you want to go there) "your in my spot" hmm that didn't really work on Monday it's sure as hell isn't working today I looked straight at her then looked away I had my tunes on I wasn't listening to some bellowing loon, at this point the Plague Carrier driver told her to sit her fat ass down (ok he was a tad more polite its called literary licence)  as he couldn't pull away until she had, which she did, not happy but she sat down and stayed on the outside of the seat I knew what she intended to do, as she stayed on after me I just hoped some one for a change would sit next to me and therefore claim the seat when I vacated said plague carrier.

Nobody did and she slithered (I think that's what Walrus's do when they are on dry land) finally placated that she had her spot! I then knuckled down and did my day from hell and yes it was hell I struggled back to my office after six hours on my feet and covering quite a distance (well for my sorry knees it was ) I took copious amounts of Painkillers and various other things to remove all the swelling (ooo er missus) I crawled (literally) to get on the plague carrier got on and found I was going to have to stand, this was going to hurt, thankfully some one got off at the first stop and I was right next to them, so I slipped into the seat, to cheer me up Well I played Charlotte's album over again it's actually the perfect length for the journey and although I got off the bus in pain I was cheered by the music in my soul (seriously? you need to Google where the song title comes from? Jeez Louise you guys!).

Tonight has been taken up with other events which I won't mention other than fingers crossed and lots of prayers, the wife well actually her day probably would make a better blog but she hasn't got the disease, tomorrow the music I have chosen for the battle will be Glenn Hughes Play Me Out, why because I can it also has the perfect song for the mammoth I will just sing along to I found a woman hahahahaha ok so that's me done it's been a pleasure and really it is the smallest things (no I'm not back to the swelling) that makes us happy live long and eat cheese until then Toodles !