Liar

Back to the grind so to speak, back to interaction with the outside world and all the other things that go with it, last weekend was fab! however it took it's toll on me, as I have lived like a hermit for the last six days, only venturing out to sort bins, do a small job with the front window and a little shopping yesterday and that was it, how the wife put up with me this week I have no idea, not a misery just didn't want to interact with the world as a general rule of thumb.

I did do my one day of work, and I rattled through it so much quicker than if I was at work, because I was basically just left alone to get the fuck on with it! other than that I vegetated and did sweet fuck all, my cunning plans ebbed away like sand in a holy bag, I wanted nor did I need any interaction and as each day drew to a close I knew that the elusive lottery win wasn't going to materialise, so the deeper my morose mood got! I didn't /don't want to go back to work tomorrow morning but I know I have to!

I did no writing like I promised I would, as my mood got way too dark way too quick and I mean way to dark, that's not to say that the chapter is not there in some embryonic form (it is I just couldn't bring myself to flesh it out) I just couldn't bring myself to expose (calm down at the back) yet another raw nerve, too dark too soon, so I left it and if truth be known I'm glad I did I actually feel better because I left it alone.

I was extremely grateful of the solitude this week and although I'm sure the wife wanted to beat me around the head and shoulders, she was very supportive (as she always is) she had enough of her own issues as a well known international assassin appeared to be back on her trail  as a sniper took her out while she went about her tasks for the day in our good town of Gimpsville, as she tripped and skinned the knee she did last year after Lady J attacked her while the wife was sober, I have just realised that she was sober both times maybe that seems to be the issue ....never trust a sober person!

The grandson was deposited upon us on Friday (deep joy) as his brother was due to be born (he was three days after the due date) and although I'm not really a children (that should read people) type of person, we had a great day yesterday bonding over building blocks football and Mickey bloody Mouse, maybe there is some hope for me after all? mind you his sleep pattern is rather erratic, again the wife deals with it as I'm really a cast member of the walking dead once I'm in the (sleep) zone!

Today well honestly is not a good day I miss my friends, I hate working damn hard just to keep my head above the water and I hate the fact when I'm off work nobody takes any of my calls or any other task that I have to perform, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to interact with anybody other than my friends! if I did win the lottery I would probably just sit in the house and eat myself to an even earlier grave, the length of time for the treatment I'm supposed to be getting is worrying if I said I was going to harm myself or others would I have been seen straight away and it's the underlying current that is affecting my mood at the moment as it appears that its not high on anybody's list to assist me, I have coped on and off for 32 years, well I'm sure he's ok! I'm not and it's making me damned angry at the moment not a great combination for the world!

Why Liar? because I keep saying I'm alright, but in reality there are only small glimpses of being alright  notice I didn't say happy because it appears I get more maudlin with the passage of time, so when I say I'm fine, some of the time I am and sometimes/most of the time I'm not, but again that's my problem not yours! what I have decided is that these blogs have been a tad glum and that's not what they started off being, so I have sat down and come up with three small ideas that I intend to work on as an exercise in stopping me being such a miserable bastard (me with my reputation) and will work on them over the coming days, the best one will be published soon...... well as soon as I can be arsed (do you know how much work I put into  these things.....and I still get the feckers wrong).

So that's me done and dusted and I probably sound worse/better than I actually am, it depends on your perception of my mood, I need to get my game face back on as I climb back into my lifts car in the morning, lets just say it could be interesting if I don't get the night's sleep I need for the coming week so play nice and no please don't worry, I'm not that bad I'm a whole lot better than I have been in the last five days, it's called life some of you lot just seem to be able to manage it a damn sight better than I can that's all!

The name game as always is in play and it's a specific artist not a million and thirty two attempts (OK Nils) as I sit here playing the album it comes from, it's music that does really cheer me up and I might just sit and plough through the discography in chronological order, because that's how I roll, watch the skies incoming ....until then Toodles!