Running up the hill

Some days are better than others, and this has all of a sudden turned into one of the not so happy ones, I feel as though I have been running up the proverbial hill in treacle, I wish I knew as to why I get like this and thankfully it happens less as I get older (and boy do I feel old at the moment) but the best way to describe it is like the sun going down.

Although I thought of myself as a happy go lucky kid I did at times have my “dark” moments thankfully I had some great friends who did their level best at steering me the hell out of harm’s way, my brother on the other hand had a tendency to point me back in the direction of harm, not for any bad reason it’s just because he could, I did some pretty sneaky things to him as well and none of it was spiteful, we were just brothers riffing on each other and if I was in a particular bad place my brother knew when and where to stop and to help me weigh anchor away from the storm clouds up ahead.

In the bad old days it was drink related and lots of it and not a lot would stop me, now it appears that it’s food when I have a drink I get the munchies when I’m down I get the munchies if I’m alone I get the munchies I’m sure you see get the picture! When the wife shouts at me if a butterfly crosses my path well if I could catch it I would snack on the bloody thing, my moods tend to revolve around food and not in a good way. I often think I should try hypnotherapy just to see if that would help! But I would probably snack while waiting my turn.

As I sit and tap away at the keyboard it’s mid July the weather hasn’t been great (not that I mind) and although life isn’t great work, health and various other issues are colliding together and although not enough to cause issues by themselves I feel as though I am being dragged down with the weight of all the universe (damn I can over exaggerate) and although I’m sinking I’m determined to be a better person, to be a healthier happier person, now the problem is I haven’t got a clue how I can achieve that goal but it’s something to aim for.

Now what the hell has that got to do with running up a hill, well when I was younger and fitter I was happier, a lot of the exercise I did was solo (careful you pervs) running canoeing that kind of thing but at the time being fitter I was happier and by contrast I’m now fatter so therefore unhappier, even I can do the math (and trust me I’m crap at math) does this mean that I intend to go back to doing all the exercise that I used to (I wish) but even I know I don’t stand a cat in hell’s chance, what with my knees and my chest pains I’m heading to the knackers yard (that’s if they will have me) and I’m under no illusion of how hard it will be! I have however got off the spiral of overeating once and lost four stone so it’s a simple case of me getting my finger out and sticking with it, I do believe that I will and can do it I just need to find the right combination to help.

There has been two saving graces in this maelstrom of being a big girls blouse, one has been my writing, my blogging my ability to type shite on a regular basis, and to even have people come back and say that they are enjoying it, you have no idea how much that has helped, how faceless people who I will never meet in the real world have said some lovely things about me, things I don’t believe in myself but others do! The second one and just as equally important and I know I have a tendency to be more flippant is The Tee Hee Club, this insane mad bunch of people have unknowingly brought me back from the depths of despair on many an occasion, not even with a word sometimes it’s just a look sometimes it’s listening to the banter (I don’t even have to join in) people who in reality do not have to pander to me being a depressing little twerp so again if I can hit the right combination happiness awaits.

I know I can be positive but for some strange reason (probably because it’s easier) I have become a doom and gloom merchant! From now I intend(hahahaha) to be a better and a happier person and so to do that even with my knees I intend to run up the bloody hill and if you get in my way well I can’t promise anything, at least I will try not to eat you because that would just be wrong. Everybody knows I’m a good boy and I don’t do anything wrong or bad I’m a manic depressive not a serial killer..........I hope!

The writing will help I know as will the lunatics that I call friends and I suppose thats all that matters no matter how down I get the world still keeps turning and there will always be people worse off than me, I mean I could be short fat and ba.....hang on a second! If you do see me running up that hill please pass me some water (and not chocolate) and you might just see a happier and hopefully thinner person.